How to Keep Your Home Intact

blessed is the almighty who brought us to this day look what's happening we are finally at long last shooting a weekly torah portion class right here in the redesigned re-configured refurbished soul word studios just gorgeous um if you're listening on a podcast platform by the way i know there are a lot of people who consume our content that way which is wonderful especially those who uh the functionality of a podcast platform is particularly conducive to the to the way they consume content a lot of people listen to it on the go but i highly recommend at least for this class come take a peek come to our website soulwords.org and check out this week's episode just to see the background and see this environment that we created this very highly curated atmosphere of of torah and residents and every little detail in the background by the way has a has a deep meaning and is helping to create a an atmosphere where the the the look of everything is like attuned to the the the messaging that we we try to bring you in all of our classes it's sort of this is a uh a combination of what we call kabbalah oil and cli of light and vessels so the the room has become like the perfect vessel to contain the lights that we're trying to put out with hashem's health anyways again if you're listening on podcast platform come to soulwords.org and by the way in general if you're listening to podcast platforms come to seoulwords.org and see we have thousands of hours of videos i know a lot of times when you're on the podcast platforms you only see some of our classes or it's not as well organized or not so searchable come to soulwords.org and you have thousands of hours of classes everything's so easily navigable and searchable and we have classes on on everything so please come check it out also by the way if you're you're on youtube a lot of people see us on youtube uh or torah anytime is another big platform a lot of people see us on torah anytime and they don't know about soulwords.org i'm encouraging you that's our virtual home soulwords.org we're very happy for you to consume content wherever works for you but come to the website and sign up for our email or subscribe to our whatsapp um that way we can stay in touch with you so all that info is there on the soulwords.org homepage you can sign up for the email and you can also uh subscribe to the whatsapp that info is there on the home page and uh also i want to mention as long as we're doing business over here uh once a year we do a fundraiser and uh coming up this month saturday night we are beginning two nights of live streaming we're going to do matsushabus and sunday night both evenings a stream a live stream program lots of great torah content and music and fun and guests and questions and answers and all types of stuff and most important we're raising money we're raising our budget for the year and that's going to be at charity.com charity with a deed charity.com forward slash rst like rabbi shea's top okay fine business is out of the way let's jump into the learning but you know we start with our military so start with our little joke by the way everyone noticed by the way the jokes are not necessarily funny i do not promise myself to say that i tell funny jokes but the joke is always like we're saying okay here's the joke a guy's sitting with his therapist and he says oh my wife is constantly telling me i don't listen at least i think she's saying something like that see that was a perfect example it was not hilarious but you're going to see it it's really it fits i'll tell you if you don't like that joke i got another one on the same topic uh guy is talking to his therapist he says so yesterday my wife comes up to me and she says are you even listening to me i thought that was a very strange way to start a conversation okay anyway you're going to see why this okay this week's parasha pasha's very etsy what happens first pasak first verse vayetze yanking me yank if jacob left beer shavu sheva's the city where he was living a city in southern land of israel and he went to kharan kharan is a city in a region in asia minor where he was sent to go find a bride sent by his uh mother rifka rebecca because his brother ace of her esau was going to kill him she said get out of here and also go find a wife in jordan okay fine that's the beginning of this week's parachute five verses earlier meaning if this is the first verse of this parsha so for going five verses earlier we're going to the end of last week's parsha versus told us so let's go to the end of last week's parsha five verses earlier and what do we have it says vaishla yitzhak as yankev yitzchak isaac father sent yankee of jacob the son the yelach padena aram and he went to padan you see the contradiction here not necessarily contradiction but the discrepancy here this is describing the same journey when it says that yitzhak sent yankev to padnaram and then five verses later it says yankee of left versheven went to kharon it's the same journey why is it five verses apart because there was a little parenthetical narrative about asov rashi explains why it broke up the story because they sent them away he had to leave anyways because he had to get away from asap so he wouldn't get killed why specifically we sent to kharan because they had relatives you know there that they wanted to maybe make a shidduch with because they didn't want him to marry with the canaanite girls so then all of a sudden the homicide takes a detour and says by the way when ace of saw that yankee wasn't supposed to marry a canaanite girl so he also knew he wasn't supposed to marry a canaanite girl and he married one of yeshmoel's daughters and it talks about that and it's like a little side point and then he gets back to the story like you know uh returning to where we left off and it says yankev jacob left bereshov and he went to cotton but that's the same exact journey it's just it's described twice it's like returning to back to the action okay but you notice in the first instance when it says it only says where you went to padnarom that's the destination the second time when we when we review the story it says yankee of mi bershava he left bershevo and he went to jorun so the first time it only tells you where he went to not where he left from the second time it tells you not only where he went to but where he left from see the discrepancy so i know that's probably not the most intriguing question and no i i'm sure that if you didn't get an answer to that it wouldn't keep you up at night but here's what i want to tell you the answer to that question or the reconciliation the reconciliation of that little discrepancy actually holds within it a secret about successful family life marriage and home life of yankevino you know one of the things that says about yankovino is mitaselema that his bed was complete the bed here is euphemism for procreation all of his progeny followed in his ways so you have avraham who had yitzhak but he also had ishmael who went in his own went his own way and he have yitzhak who had yanked but he also had an ace of who went his own way but yankev had 12 sons and they all followed in his ways so he's called mitose he has that accomplishment that he kept his family intact so what can we learn about having a strong family from yanke vevino that will be revealed by understanding that interesting little discrepancy of why the first time the journey is described it only says where he went to not where he left from and the second time it says both where he went to and where he left from okay you're with me yeah probably distracted by all the beautiful stuff in the background you're like looking at the album and you're looking at the messiah chart it's an interesting history about the messiah chart there's so much history in this room there's a lot of interesting stuff tanya map i don't know if you can see it maybe it's off screen but there's so much cool stuff in this room okay anyway back to our uh our lesson let's dig a little bit deeper there's another discrepancy here and that is the first time the journey is described actually if you noticed it describes the destination as pardon and the second time that this journey is described it destruct describes the destination as hard on now that's not a contradiction because horun is in padangaram jordan is the city padnaram is the region you know it's like saying he went to chicago oh you told me you went to illinois no chicago is in illinois or like we used to say just outside chicago there's a place called illinois you ever heard that before anyways but actually that's very similar to this because harden is like the metropolis and like uh padnarom is a rural area pardon actually literally means field rashi says paden means field so it was the field of adam and it was like a rural agricultural area which you're going to understand in a second why it's described that way in terms of yankee ravino's life these two terms even though they're not mutually exclusive and like i said karen is the city padna ram is the region the nuance of city and field let's call it represent two different areas of yanking vino's life partner let's talk about that first because that's how it's described first it says yitzhak sent yankev to pad no nam padnaram like we said means the field of aram and it's literally a field or it's a whole plane it's like a many fields it's a rural area and what did yankov use that area for for grazing remember he was a shepherd a very successful one he had a whole big enterprise working for his father-in-law who tried to swindle him that's another story but yankov succeeded he was a very very successful shepherd he had flocks and flocks of sheep so that all took place in those fields so when we talk about padding around we're talking about the field we're talking about his job which is also when we say in english like what field are you in it also means your job your line of work your career by the way do you know why the scarecrow won a nobel prize he was outstanding in his field okay anyways so pad naram means the field and that was yankov's field his field of work literally the field where he was a shepherd where he made his money with flocks of sheep okay hot on is the city jordan is the city the city is where he lived you know like some people like they you know they they live in the city and then they commute to work to some you know to some suburb or something so young convener was like he lived in the city he lived in cotton that's where his house was that's where his family was that's where his wives and his children lived so harden represents the home life it's his home life you know it's interesting you know i was thinking what you know one of the security questions that they ask you the common security question is what city did you meet your spouse in how do they know it was a city maybe it was some unincorporated rural area but they're right it's a city by the way i'm not telling you what city met my wife in because you're all going to go hack me so i'm not i'm also not going to tell you the color of my first car okay anyways or the first name of my first uh boss at my first job okay anyway um so pad naram is the field where yankev worked as a shepherd kardon is the city where he met his wives raised his family and lived with his family okay so in other words let's break it up like this patna rum is work hot on is home so you have work and you have home work and home okay once you understand this the whole thing makes sense starts to make sense how is it possible that yankee revino could have left where he was without really leaving you know what i mean by that that physically he went on a journey he relocated but he didn't really leave where he physically left from the answer is very simple in the place where a person desires there he is entirely not even a part of him but entirely so wherever your desire is that's where you the real you really maybe your body is here you ever sit across from somebody physically they're sitting across from you but they've checked out emotionally unavailable maybe they got one of these in front of their face you know a little piece of plastic and it's taking them thousands of miles away okay so it is possible to physically be in one place to have relocated physically but not to have relocated mentally emotionally spiritually when it says yitzchak talking about the end of last week's parsha yitzhak sent es he said send jacob and he went to padnarom it only says where he sent them to it doesn't say where he left from you want to know why it doesn't say where he left from because he never left he never left he went to padan aram padnarom means his field his job where he went to work so when yankovino was sent to go to work he went to work but he never left there sheva he never left the home of his holy beloved father yitzhak he was still with yatra he never checked out you know what that means you know what you know you know what it means to say you know oh he phoned it in he phoned it in right he found it he didn't even show up he wasn't even here he phoned it in it's an idiom but it means he wasn't there with his whole heart he wasn't there with his whole presence that's exactly what we're describing and it's not a bad thing it's a good thing when it comes to making a living when it comes to earning your livelihood there's a saying yaya you'll eat from the toil of your hands you'll be fortunate it'll be good for you and our sages say means in this world good fortunate for you in this world the toy vlog can be good for you in the world to come it'll be materially and spiritually beneficial for you if you eat from the toilet of your hands what does that mean everyone has to be a manual laborer no it means there's toil of a hands meaning your external faculties hands here means your external faculties as opposed to yagiya maikai valibai where you're working your mind in your heart when you have to work you have to work but only immerse your external faculties don't put your mind and heart into it there's a story there was a guy back in russia before the revolution he had a galoshes factory and he was fairly wealthy you know manufacturing made galoshes so he went to lubavitch the town of lebowitch for shabbos he spent shabbos with the rebel shop and he was preoccupied with his business the whole shabbos because he was the bala boss he was the owner of the factory so he was thinking about his galoshes factory the whole time and the rabbit hashab recognized this and he said to the guy he says you know it's funny i've seen plenty of people with their feet in their galoshes this is this is the first time i'm seeing somebody with his head in his galoshes put his head in his galactic put his head into his work right so what we want to do is when we want to go to work we want to phone it in we want to phone it in the toil of your hands meaning the toil of your external faculties save your mind and heart for more precious things so in that case when we're talking about yankev leaving beersheva to go to padnaram to work he went to panarom but he didn't really leave their shovel he spiritually emotionally mentally remained in bear sheva with his father yitzchuk the whole time in contrast when we're talking about family life when we're talking about yankovino building his home the future twelve tribes his twelve sons then we say the yeti yankee mibersheva he left beersheva and then came to kharan he left their sheva and then came to he did check out of where he had been because when it comes to the home you have to be a hundred percent fully present and it's interesting also because if you think about it bear shava is a holy place it's actually one of the holy cities of the land of israel and kharan is a really really unholy place rashi tells us kharan means kharene afshal makim it's a place that's so corrupt that it made hashem angry so to speak it kindled the wrath of hashem so we're talking about he was in bear sheva which is a holy place with his holy father with yitzhak and he went to haran which is a corrupt lewd licentious place and yet we're told he checked out from where he had been and fully put himself into where he had arrived why even though he's leaving a holy place and going to a corrupt place because when it comes to family when it comes to marriage you cannot be in two places at once you must be completely present you know the first marriage the first intimate relationship we have in torah is adam and kava adam and eve and over there it says adam yoda eskava adam knew eve what does it mean he knew her like he could pick her up uh pick her out out of out of a lineup he could say oh yeah i recognize that woman she was the only woman of course you could recognize her um he knew her means he was intimate with her you really knew her he knew her deeply they say that the word intimacy in english is uh it's code for into me see intimacy is into me see see into me like see who i am see the real me and the word for that in hebrew and the holy tongue is das the verb is the past tense but the noun is das das means the ability to attach and focus deeply to something talk about it in chapter three of tanya that a person can have lots of meaning he could know a lot and he could even have a lot of bena he could explain it well but if he doesn't have das das means his castro's connection focus then it's all academic it'll never give birth to emotions the way it's described in tanya is that intellect gives birth to emotions but you have a which is the father and bina which is the mother but if the father and the mother aren't intimate so it doesn't give birth to emotion so what's the intimacy between the father and the mother intellectual father and mother the intimate relationship between them is called das so whenever you have the idea of focus of really really putting your your your mind and your full attention on something uh we call that das and and the metaphor for that is intimacy is is union um specifically marital union uh it's interesting that when you talk about a field remember we're speaking about the field as being the byword for your work life it is actually forbidden according to jewish law for one to be intimate i'm talking about actual literal marital intimacy in a field it's not modest obviously right and on a deeper level it's also for the same reason so this explains it's forbidden to pray in a field you're not supposed to pray in an open place it's not conducive to to all of heaven so why are you not supposed to pray in an open place so this explains on a deeper level because just like you're not allowed to be intimate you know in a field so so too you're not allowed to pray in a field because prayer is also intimacy prayer is philo means connection intimate connection with hashem so you can't have intimacy you can't have das you can't have deep focus and concentration in a field not only you can't you shouldn't you shouldn't when you're in the field meaning when you're at the work site just show up with your hands with your external faculties as opposed to the exact opposite when you're at home now show up with your mind your heart your soul not just your body be there completely for your spouse and for your children don't phone it in when it comes to work phone it in when it comes to home life don't phone it in and that's the secret here when it says that yankev went to pad naram it only says where he went to it never says he left sheva because every moment that yankee was in parnara meaning the actual part in the actual field doing his shepherding stuff he was he was with yitzhak in bershava he hadn't left beersheva when he was out working so he was watching the sheep who's doing whatever he had to do he's a very responsible worker this we know he was very responsible and he was successful but he didn't immerse himself in it he was in in in his will and his desire he was still back in bersheva but the moment he went home to the city into khoran where his wives and children lived bam all of a sudden he left beersheva each and every time he walked through the door he left beersheva and he was fully present where he was even though it was a heart and it was a corrupt contemptible place but that's how important it is to be present for one's family and that's why of all the office of all the patriarchs we see that yankee was the one who was extolled with this virtue of mitaselema he had an intact family because it's with yankovina that we see the secret of the dichotomy of the the the double standard the desirable double standard of not being fully present when it comes to your your your your work but being a hundred percent present when it comes to home life so how about a little homework no pun intended yeah maybe why not pun intended little homework question news is the emphasis on the word home or the emphasis on the word work the emphasis is on the word home here's some work that we can do at home you know how people talk about they went into this with the rabbi and they felt like they were the only person in the whole world or even people who only got to see the rather for a second at dollars and they had that one second of eye to eye and they said they felt completely seen to their core it's a common experience people report how would you like to be that to the best of your ability for your loved ones how would you like to be able to look at your spouse and your children so deeply and so completely with such focus and attention and presence that they feel completely seen and ask yourself that if you would make a point of doing that for every member of your household every day how different the energy in the home might be so let's leave wherever it is that we find interesting right now even if it's a bear sheva even if it's a holy place let's leave it behind right now and let's go wherever our families are even if it's a kharan and be completely present there and hashem should bless us with marital harmony tranquility peace in the home from our children and our children should have knocked us from us again thanks for joining us in this whole word studio and god willing we'll see you at the live stream the yearly annual annual yearly department of redundance department uh repetitive redundancy we're going to see you at the live stream muzzy shabbos on sunday at charity.com rst charity with a d dot com forward slash rst and again check out soulwords.org okay thanks for joining us in the new studio hope you like it and god willing we're going to bring bring you a lot more content from here