Sometimes, You Are the Only One Who Can Answer Your Questions

the yeshiva dotnet pacer comes and the source of the mitzvos of pacifism parshas boy and every say Jewish say did the world over we're all familiar with the declaration kata it well by their freg in fear caches whatever language one says it and you Disher Hebrew a Russian or French father I'm going to ask you four questions - Stan aha Lila's a McCullough Leila's why is this my different in all other nights for traditional questions today here at this class I'm going to take the courage and ask a fifth question the fifth question is that anybody know an answer to the four questions in all your years of pacer has your daddy or mommy ever answer the four questions it's interesting your child who maybe five six seven eight four three or eleven ask you four questions how long should it take you to answer they ask you a question answer it they ask you for question answer it usually it takes two or three hours by that time they're sleeping and usually you're sleeping but the funny thing is look through the Haggadah does anybody ever answer the questions at least at some point that how god should say okay here's answer to question number one question number two question number three question number four I know of no Seder in the world that that happens God God the air cut me a day are they throwing frogs they're throwing wild animals they're pouring wine they're yearning for eggs they're starving they're hungry they're singing they're jumpin everyone according to their monogamous tilling the afikoman not still enough requirement somebody protesting the stealing raff requirement getting the iPhone for the afikomen an iPod an iPad a Lamborghini a private jet and recently it's now a private yacht in my days the richest kids got a calculator for the Africa me remember you came to school with a calculator and you were on top of the world today you kid won't talk to you anymore if you give him a calculator he made this on your calculator what am i yeah if you got a Parker Pen oh this is already a rockefeller family the Rockefellers got Parker pens for Alfred Clements right try giving today a Parker Pen for the afikomen interesting yeah other people got a bag of potato chips for the for the afikomen if you got a bike without fake ointment it was priceless in essence though whatever the meaning is nobody ever stops and says what's the answer to the four questions of course like a lot of things in life you got to figure it out on your own and to think about it maybe that's part of the definition of freedom maybe part of the definition of freedom is life has many questions and maybe somebody will not come to you at a point and say here's the answer to question number one question number two question number three question number four the idea of a free person versus a slave is that sometimes you have to figure out your own answers as much as you have and your privilege to teachers to parents to mentors to guides the leaders whom we cherish whose wisdom and inspiration we hold so dear and we look to for guidance nonetheless sometimes the great deep questions you have to answer yourself because everyone's journey is collective but it's also individual as nobody Malik says in tehilim I need your Dottie key God Allah Hashem I know he's not just emphasizing the second half of the verse he's also emphasizing the first half of the race Ania Dottie he got la chambre they named Amicalola Kim most emphasized the second half of the verse I know that God is great I know king God Lucia and the way I know it nobody else could know it the way you know what nobody else could know it so sometimes the definition of freedom is I can't back to get an answer for every question from somebody else there are people who want to live their lives that way but in many ways it's a life of slavery that's what a slave this a slave wakes up in the morning and somebody prepared the schedule completely there's not a minute where you have to decide and some people want to live that way there's a certain security in that there's a security and somebody else telling me everything but that's a sign of infancy or slavery and usually children themselves repel against it because they want to be free you have to know when to give and when not to give in but as adults we sometimes want to surrender everything to somebody else there's a problem in that there's a beautiful thing in it is also a problem in it and the problem in it is I'm not ready to assume my freedom I'm not ready to assume responsibility just tell me everything there's people who want to know when to go to the dentist how to go to the dentist I get emails from people who want to know interesting things that I asked a person with this you send an email overseas you have a mind you have a heart so use it cherish it develop it it's good to ask it's good to seek wisdom but never at the expense of appreciating that there's certain questions in life only you can answer nobody else can answer those questions I'll tell you a story very beautiful story that I heard from the person himself it it gives I think very healthy perspective in life his name is Roberts me here wine-red he's your brother ok so you're going to authenticate the story right you'll text them as I'm talking and you'll tell everybody that it's as real as I say it to you I heard it from him himself Robert Swedish wine where those Angus hunt is a has been the leader of the you for many years I think still carries the title of president emeritus of oh you write Orthodox Union a rabbi a leader a mentor has translated is translating the Gemara the Koren demurrage things all tomorrow into English a great scholar and Thomas Holcomb and well known in the Jewish scene ah very good very good and his sister taught him everything he knows and even that which she didn't discover yet but over the next few years no he'll discover it I heard the following story from him he was living in Baltimore in Maryland this is the late 60s in the early 70s and to quote him he was in his early 30s but the midlife crisis has come a little early in his life and he was at a crossroad in many areas plagued by profound uncertainty he said on one level it was theological issues questions in emunah questions in Judaism that ordinary people and scholarly people and all types of people have intellectual questions emotional questions spiritual questions life presents questions doubts dilemmas there was also confusion on a practical level in terms of his vocation his career should he continue with the rabbinate should he go get a degree in psychology should he shift course and get involved in other things there were questions he said about his own marriage and personal life and children family life just a lot of questions they come together at some point in life and as we would say you feel like you know a ton of bricks hit you in your forehead and what do we do now and he said to me said I was thinking who should i KY need somebody to consult I need somebody to ask these questions I need somebody who's wise I need somebody who's empathetic I need somebody who will understand I need somebody who will be appreciative of my reality of my kind but I also need somebody who's objective somebody who's not part of my world somebody I didn't grow up with somebody who doesn't put me into any framework somebody who doesn't know me I just needed somebody from outside of my circles I said why didn't I asked him why didn't you go to your teacher you rebel he said he didn't want to I'd wanted to go to somebody from a completely different place so he decided that he's going to go seek a consultation from the Lubavitcher ever he lived in Baltimore the rebel lived in in Brooklyn in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn you could make an appointment it took some time and he would come take a train or take a car and come visit then go in to the lubavitcher rebbe and display there ever would see people usually three or two times a week starting at night his appointments would start 8:30 p.m. and would usually go till 7:00 in the morning that's when he would see people throughout the night the next day he was back in his office we usually throughout that night usually most of the night till 5:00 6:00 or 7:00 in the morning and and he decided to do that so he said he'll call 770 Eastern Parkway talk to his secretary and try to schedule an appointment he called up the lubavitcher rebbe secretaries personal secretary was a Jew named rabbi Shyam Martha hi Isaac Roddick of America was a very interesting person he served in the Parliament in Riga in Latvia before the war he was a Yakushi in a very very efficient and he learned in baranovichi in Lithuania he came from yaki's German lits fish background was a very calculated person extremely organized person and was extremely yech ich as they would say a very talented person he was an educator he was a pedagogue and he was like the lubavitcher rebbe is a chief assistant or secretary and he called him up and he told me it was a miracle I got through to him the first time and rabbi Holika picks up the phone and I say to him I would like very much I would be so appreciative and so if you could set me up an appointment the private audience with the Lubavitch with the lubavitcher rebbe I really need to talk to him about some pressing urgent matters about my life and about my future sir abakada Cove asks naturally the first question who are you who is this so he told me that they don't want to say my name I didn't want to say my name unless I was asked so I said I read for Maryland for Maryland I am a Jew for mayor of Marilyn Marilyn that's why yeah sir a Bajada Cove says how a minute hold a minute and he he worked in his own office but there was a telephone line between his office and the lubavitcher rebbe his office said he heard like a click you know what one of those clicks on the telephone and Rabbi how the cove is talking to somebody Lo and Rabbi Weinreb here is the voice of the lubavitcher rebbe so I asked him how did you know the voice he said cuz the fabrini ins of there ever were often broadcast on radio and he would listen to them so he knew his voice very well so you heard his voice speaking the rabbi found the cuff and the rabbi rabbi father curve Verret who is this trouble addict obsessed identify yourself 'yes i didn't want to say his name she says i yield for maryland so the Rabbitohs were behind the curve rectum vas vas i vill V mecanim Halfin ask him what are his needs are how can he be helped so we had to come asks so rabbi wine rep tells rabbi hard to cough I have a lot of questions in life I have questions in a muna questions about my family questions about my children questions about my career about my vocation about myself about my place in this world just a lot of uncertainty and I could use help so rabbi wine rip tells me says rabbi Jacobsen I hear the Labonte rabbit tell rabbi father cough suck them and are finished cumin Samir tell him there's no need for him to come to me sudah in Baltimore I read was haste vine rep Zola against a vine urban friggin eyelash eyeless there's a Jew in Baltimore whose name is wine rep let him go to wine Redmond ask him all of his questions rabbi cahana Koval innocent okay that's a good answer right some good guy in both the more wine I've got in represent often coming off the schlep you know if the bali off the come to me go to wine observer haddock of rabbi had the cuff says over this whole this whole speech that they're ever just told him and by Weinreb you know how would you feel he's completely overwhelmed from this response so he's quiet he's dumbstruck this is the last thing he would expect maybe yes maybe in a month come back we're busy or not would have come right whatever but not this ceramic article says it heads with the episodes did you hear what their episodes he said yeah yeah it had been Weinreb he says he said there's something wrong I am wine I'm from Baltimore I said I am wine rep so now that I had the cuff was dumbstruck and he was like what he says tell the Ripper and I'm the guy the man he wants me to go to he's the guy with the problems it's been wine rep so Robert had to cuff who's now has this shaky voice cuz he's overwhelmed says to the lubavitcher rebbe as orc as n his vine he says that he's wine rep and he tells me without skipping a heartbeat the lubavitcher rebbe says hey boss I sucked em as a mold of a mentor Aidan Sousa Helene that indeed a person must at times communicate with himself alright how that have said thank you that's lucky wrap up a boom and he's sitting there in his office dumbstruck but to quote him rabbi Weinreb who told me he said this was the best piece of advice I ever received in my life the best piece of advice in fact it was superior to any other piece of advice I would have received somehow so their ever had a sense of who I was my nature my character my disposition my personality my destiny and the best piece of advice he could have given to me the healthy is the deepest truest the holiest was this and he said that's what I did I went to Weinreb and I started to speak to wine ramp but I started to speak to wine rib in a way that I never spoke to him before I started to listen to wine rib not only to speak to wine rep you could speak to wine rare but how do you listen to wine rep I started to listen I started to listen deeply I started to ask questions from wine rep and I figured out my path to the best of my ability and he says till today whenever have to make a serious decision in life whenever had to make a serious in my life things that are very urgent including as he put it marriages of my children future decisions in terms of health in terms of family in terms of finances in terms of spirituality I will close the door I will shut off extremists at communication to the outer world and I will try to have a deep authentic vulnerable naked raw honest conversation with Weinreb from Baltimore or Baltimore in the past and listen to what he has to say afterwards I may speak to others or maybe before I may speak to others but never skip that that part of the gate that part of the of growth you texted your brother AMISOM eisah AMISOM eisah you ever heard it for him okay he's in Florida okay did he speak to anybody before he went you don't have to speak to anybody before you go to Florida right in the winter okay the 11th commandment winter Florida now we all know the Mishna says in pre-clovis si Lahav okay aloha hover make for yourself a mentor of a choir for yourself a friend that's true and indeed this is where often the confusion in life happens because sometimes when people need advice so critically and they don't seek it they often end up on a path of self-destruction sometimes those issues that you need advice we often don't ask advice those issues that I have to speak to myself that's where I ask advice part of the taking responsibility in life is differentiating between the two there are those issues in life a person needs advice there's a confusing situation there's a danger there's an illness there's something that you don't know how to control there's something that you try then it's out of hand there's something that your two boys you have so many blind spots you're carrying around pain resentment frustration hatred for so many years there's toxicity all over the place if you sit down in your room alone you know what's gonna happen you're gonna just wallow in the toxicity you need a breath of fresh air you need to come to somebody who's out of your world you need to come to somebody who could look at everything from without and say we have to recalculate and that takes courage some people have never done that in their life and it's a pity and the reason it's a pity is because they only have their own mind to be able to guide them and the problem is their mind is part of the problem what do I mean their mind is part of the problem their mind is part of the toxic influences I think a certain way and that's how I'm conditioned so even if I think more and think deeper and think wider it's all within the confined space that I'm in I can't let myself go I don't know how to emancipate myself I need somebody to help me out I need somebody to be able to open up new vistas of awareness new vistas of perception new vistas of experience ethical and that's why says our SE lekar of Buchan a logic over sometimes I also need an expert in this particular field that's completely not a contradiction but then there are other questions in life and even within those questions there are certain aspects where me sorry Etha la cars the puss success for my own flesh I will perceive God I'm Nia Dottie Goodell Hashem I'm all deaf I meant raid ensues if Elaine ultimately nobody knows your soul like you know it by Eva sare Yaakov Levada a via of ache ish emo odd alloys Hashanah and Jacob remained alone and a man wrestled with him till dawn so the madras robber says ha do deceive in this govern lovato by your Yahoo Jakob Jakob remained alone that's why it says about Hashem his name will be exalted alone on that day and that's why in Kalbach song he puts the two together nobody knows what the connection is but it's actually in madras right Venise Garvin is GABA sham Levada Hashem lavada bhaiya Majo Venice Garvin is gavage am Livadia sham Levada bhaiya mahu Viva say yakovlev Aria Vicki Shima and alloy Sascha what's the connection the met which puts them together Yaakov remained alone God's name is exalted alone what's the connection so dr. Martin Ephraim says that there's a point in life where your lavada not in a depressing way there is isolation and there is intimacy isolation is sometimes I feel alone I have no friends there's nobody I can speak to I'm completely alone in the world I'm alone in my pain alone in my anxiety alone in my Texas et al o and alone in my grievance alow in my alone am i suffering alone in my agony and that's a terrible loneliness in life ahuyama bothered the sense of loneliness I am in solitary confinement I may be surrounded by a hundred women or 200 or 300 but emotionally I'm alone I may smile and when somebody says how are you so nice to see you Baruch Hashem I'm fine I'm wonderful but internally I am completely alone I feel nobody can relate to me nobody can understand me I have nobody to speak to that's a very tragic predicament that sense of loneliness but then there's something else there's a bond there's a bond as emotional Boehner says better he saw burdened by Eve asar Yaakov la voix de venise Kivar shem Levada there's a place of aloneness because there's something about your soul that nobody could know there's something about your life that nobody could know not because nobody cares not because you go into a place of self compassion where I'm this victim and I love to cry about what a tragic figure I am which we do sometimes some people it's a sense of relief you ever do it you just cry to yourself and think about what a tragic figure you are some people imagine their own funeral they don't have any other way of feeling compassion for themselves but I know some of you think this is strange but those of you who know what I'm talking about you know all too well what I'm talking about it's some way of arousing some self-pity now self-pity usually is a product of victim but we're talking about a different type of aloneness on aloneness that comes from empowerment from strength from certain things the PASOK says lay VA de amorous knife shy our heart knows its own bitterness its own illness sometimes you could see it with a child the whole world tells you to do something with your child but as a mother you know this is the wrong thing and everyone tells you you're crazy you have to get advice because some people are crazy you have to get it because some people are blind you have to get advice because some people are overwhelmed you have to get advice because some people are clueless it's good to get advice but sometimes after all the advice there's something that you know just deep in your soul this is right this is wrong you gotta trust it sometimes people surrender their whole destiny into the hands of therapists some people surrender their whole destiny into the hands of other people they don't want to take responsibility it's an easy way of saying I never decided this that's a wrong way to live unless somebody never is a spiritual vegetable or an emotional vegetable you have to be an empowered client you have to be self informed you have to be able to take responsibility if something is not working if something doesn't feel right if something doesn't make sense if something is proving to be destructive if something is not bringing healing to you or to the family choose other paths you have to have the courage to be able to ask tough questions and not everybody will be able to answer those questions for you sometimes I have to speak to myself I have to go into the innermost core of my soul and ask - summer verse house - to Zorgon what do you have to say God doesn't always live outside of me God lives inside of me and if you always run to the God outside of you you never discover that God who is inside of you and the God it was inside of you that is your life that is your destiny that is your inner shaman this is not an aloneness that is afraid of relationships or that shirks away from relationships or is too arrogant or too scared to seek advice no on the contrary I want advice I want guidance I want to be mentored I want to be challenged I want to be stimulated I need somebody to help me get out of my bias and blind spots and subjectivity in her wish man 3 announcement of a star certainly tomorrow says a prisoner could never unlock the shackles around his own arms you need somebody with the key outside of prison to open up the gate and let you out I could sit in the prison cell all day and ponder and ponder and reflect and meditate and be introspective but it's all within a cell I want to be open to be able somebody to say I say look around Cannella huh cover maybe you got to think differently maybe you just completely stuck in this way of life there are people who are survivors there are people who are children of Holocaust survivors because they're children of Holocaust survivors they grew up in emotionally challenging homes it's a miracle that you are what you are today it's a miracle that the survivors could build families but you have to realize how much pain there isn't that survival and some of us operate day-to-day life as though we are about to be destroyed again that's our reference point the survivors when they emerge the next morning it was hard for them to believe that they have a piece of bread sometimes you'll see survivors that they will never ever I remember my late father he grew up in hunger in Soviet Union he could not understand food going into the garbage we American brats we American brats don't know what it means that half the food doesn't go into the garbage I was once at a program in the hotel the guy told me 98% of the food ends up in the garbage two percent of the food ends up in people's stomachs and it's usually the bad part the good parts going to the garbage you know we respect the garbage more than our bodies the garbage we give the healthy food our bodies we give the unhealthy food lettuce goes to the garbage black and whites go into the system it shouldn't be the other way around black and whites belong in the garbage the lettuce belongs in the system okay that's basically distorted values it was hard about people who grew up in certain situations what how do you throw out a piece of food but it's also emotionally some people every piece of energy they have no energy to give it's very very hard some people feel that the natural state of life is to be miserable when somebody is too happy they want to know what are you taking if you're miserable Baruch Hashem let's side together and feel Jewish they say there were three there were three Jewish ladies in Miami and they were taking a walk on the boardwalk where else on the way to lunch of course and one of them says Oy and the other one says oh he raise me R and the third one says all right captain you reboiler Iloilo and the fourth one says didn't we not make up that we're not talking about children today somehow it feels very Jewish - groan - moan - sigh it was once a sophistication as sir is so bigoted I say where's it bigger did he says refer a new Hashem Vinay Rafi bring us healing Hal AI ruler of forced labour l'homme Marco say no bring recovery to all of our plagues all of our illnesses because you're a good healer barakaatuh chef ruddy faith Haleh are you sure all he heals the sick of his nation is really what about Gentiles doesn't heal them I said no I told this Gentile it's a compliment for you trust me be happy says what are you talking about I said every Jew has this essential feeling that he's either sick or getting sick I have a backache today my back my back must be a herniated disc my back my stomach I don't know my stomach my heart my wife said I'm having a stroke I might have a stroke I died I almost died I'm gonna die I never met a Jew here and so I say how is life perfect the best you get is not too bad also metaclass with a crest so basically rightfully currently army soldiers have this condition complaining and run so then God heals them it's a compliment that you're not in this list don't worry about it but people it's not this is not about judgment it's about identifying for processes some people don't realize that my entire but sometimes I don't realize my entire life I'm living in an orbit of trauma I'm living in an orbit of abuse I'm living in an orbit of oppression I don't even know what it means to breathe freely it's not my fault I was born with a washing machine on my right shoulder a second washing machine on my left solid shoulder and the Grand Canyon on my head I never I don't know how to walk around without it this and I think everybody walks around listen I never felt anything else Google that doesn't begin with Google that begins with knowing that there's a state that called godless but if godless is normal so then godless becomes gula the beginning of Google is knowing that it's Cullis if there's colors that can be go over if godless is not goalless if godless is my only reality of godless is the status quo of reality there's no rule for Google but it's painful to become aware of godless it's expanding horizons and sometimes you see a person good people kind people generous people people who give so much of themselves to do the right thing and they're simply unaware that the option of joy freedom expansiveness authenticity exists they don't know they never tasted it they never felt that nobody ever told it to them and it's not their fault at all tinnitus and Eve boo they grew up in an environment internally where there was so much internal criticism so much internal judgement there was no compassion no compassion for me no compassion for life no compassion for my history no compassion therefore for experiences it always begins with me the Soraka man Yaakov are sharp others have ROM Yaakov releases Hesed Rahman releases love that novi says Yaakov liberates have wrong so there's two types of Levada there's two types of aloneness in the world there's an aloneness that is a symptom of fear I can't open up to anybody I can't have a relationship with anybody I stay closed up because that's the only place where I feel safe if I open up to somebody I'm gonna open up not a can of worms but as a woman once told me a can of crocodiles and crocodiles don't fit into a can a can of worms she told me I can open up but when I open it up you're gonna see crocodiles and alligators I can't open that I'm sorry but that's the first crack at all you have to get rid of pyro is defined in your Tesco fascinating the avatar of pouches very hot an in her girdle her Eve it's Basilio Europe the grand crocodile that lives in the Nile if you're familiar with the Nile River that extends 4,200 miles cuts through I think 11 countries it snowing for the great Nile crocodile if Tesco couldn't have another image for plowing than the crocodile sitting in the Nile well for one he's the king of the Nile you don't mess with a crocodile in the Nile but there's also deep imagery and deep deeper symbolism in this the crocodile when it opens its mouth you ever saw the open mouth at least on a video it's pretty intense it's pretty frightening lions are afraid Tigers are afraid cheetahs are afraid buff flops are afraid rhinos are afraid hippos are afraid I don't know how much National Geographic you get says it's those are in the mikveh the crocodiles it's then the make of a flat nobody knows though but suddenly it makes an appearance who that's how Perry saw himself that was his position in the world but what it means psychologically and emotionally is that this is the MELAS Mitzrayim when a person sees the world around you as a crocodile as an alligator here to swallow you up you see your own thoughts as crocodiles I'm afraid of my own thoughts I'm afraid of my own emotions I don't let myself breathe all I know is one word responsibility responsibility responsibility which is a beautiful beautiful word but not when it's stripped from the words dignity joy honesty relationships and life because then what often happens is I retreat into a very very scary place part of retreating into a scary place includes the fact that I have to face normalcy I have to feign normalcy because I don't want to stand out in that sense as well but internally my pillow is wet from tears and sometimes there are so many tears that I can't even cry anymore to be able to cry my tears have to have a release sometimes my tears are so deep that they have already dried up or they can't even express themselves the Zohar says there's a co-op anymore the asthama the color pyramid the lawyer stahma there's a voice that is inside that you can hear but there's an inner voice that you can't hear anymore that's why we blow show friend rosh hashanah why can we just blow with our mouths why is it ram's horn so much better than my own mouth what would be so bad if I would get up on the beam initially I would go to to to to to to to to to to to those are you feral if anybody got a migraine headache do same voice why God God loves ram's horns I'll tell you why open your hearts there are sounds that you can't articulate with your own voice your voice doesn't carry them anymore that's what the Schaffer comes in with Schmoyer call joy for God says give me those voices I know you can't articulate it any more it's your most primal primal primal self we need a simplicity of an animal to capture those voices the RAM the sheep or similar similar mammals they capture it that primal space within yourself you can't even articulate it as a sound call up any model or stahma so there's a loneliness in life where a person says I'm just a nebe dick a victim nobody cares nobody knows nobody sees who cares for me who wants me I got no family I got no support I got no siblings I got no friends everyone is just out to get me in another way and you enter into the mode of survival and we know how to bequeath that to our children very very well and when we sometimes observe dysfunction happening in our homes and we can't identify why Supper is always ready on time there's always fresh a vest is always fresh Saxon and then and undershirts there's always kugel for Shabbos I cook already Wednesday I start thinking about cooking on Sunday sometimes our hyper organization eclipses our inner disintegration did you hear what I said wasn't poetic it was through our hyper organization sometimes eclipses our inner this integration I need everything to be in its right place because nothing is internally in any place it's good to be organized this is not the declaration of war against organization cook on Sunday for next Hanukkah no problem our people already have all their food for Pesach some people already have all their food for suckers it's a wonderful experience good Sunday hey but make sure the outer order is not an escape from inner from inner order when the ballot Anja was imprisoned by the Czarist regime in 1798 he sent acquittal to oblivion took of Odysseus and his hostages Emma's job Yaakov came to the hey Luca bad achiever and he told me the ballot Anya was arrested and at that point he was taken away in wagons that were reserved for those who violated and were accused of treason and could be given the death penalty because of a terrible Mysteria so that's for now andand he's on the way and he goes to the Madeira his colleague listen about ditch and they think about digit of asks him he says did you see how they took him away he says yeah I was there so he says was he been Manuka was he serene so Rebbe Yaakov says he was so the body service says but hits scientists are the map enemies was he serene externally or was he serene internally he says how would I know how I know if the serenity was external or he said did they let him pack up some things he said yeah cuz he was going to prison they said what did he did you see what he packed first he said the first thing he packed his towel isn't filling so the never said the say stars bikini meais is a given Manuka that means internally he was calm then he asked him for his mother's name he said he doesn't remember his mother's name says you don't know his mother's name no so he opened up a hummus it opened up the Pasha's me Kate's Valar Yaakov kesh Sheva BIM its royal Yaakov saw that there is grain in Egypt and Ashley says yes Chevy doesn't only mean grain chevre is a sub surah he saw there's a good news in agent and the Medici was at Sheva snare Ben rifka he opened up the Amish sometimes life deprives people from outer serenity sometimes dark monoliths line you're running here and running there this crisis this difficulties people end up in place I don't have to elaborate sometimes it's great challenges but there's a certain sense of calmness of serenity within even if without things are very very chaotic at certain points and if you have a house Boracay shun with a bunch of kids little ones aggressive and even not many but to the few right ones and even with one but God blessed you with a personality or some other issues you can have one person was master absolutely Michigan they say that parents are often as happy as the unhappiest child in the house so you have 11 kids who are perfectly happy and one who's miserable and you have to be miserable out so if call her Doris because of him and he makes sure that you know it but there's a certain type of minutia that comes from within and that comes from a connectedness and for that you have to be very very honest very vulnerable very authentic you have to be able to have at least a real relationship with one or two people and with God but an addition most importantly have to have a real relationship with yourself if you have that relationship with yourself to be able to ask yourself questions that you never want to ask yourself to be able to put everything on the table to be able to look at power in the face boreal Perry asks desire you don't say come to power go to power God tells Moshe late help Perry doesn't say go to Perry says come to power why does he say come to power you should say go to power you know the answer is the Zohar says moisture was afraid to face power God couldn't say go to power God said come to power we each have a power that we have to face and it's frightening it's so frightening that many of us don't even know how frightening it is which is why we don't even open ourselves up to go there because if you would already know how frightening it is you can deal with it you don't even identify the fear all I know is that I will never ever go there because I don't want to open up the cracker dial box the Pandora Box and this is not Pandora this is a crocodile and that fear which is so so profound and maybe I built my whole life around it it's like when you have an infection and the develops into a scab and then the scab covers itself up with another scab and another scab and another scam and more band-aids and I have now built a mansion but it's really a house of cards I build a lifestyle I build relationships I build attitudes and it's simply to give me breathing space Winston Churchill said we feed the crocodiles with the hope that they will eat us last and that's how he defined appeasement there was appeasement to terrorism or in his days Chamberlain came back from Hitler and said peace in our times and Churchill said you have gained no peace and only war but on his terms not on your terms appeasement is feeding the crocodile with the hope the vain hope that he will eat you last there is appeasement to terrorists there's also appeasement to the terrorists inside of me to the toxicity inside of me for the para in side of me I feed my own crocodiles and I just gain breathing time but everything catches up at the end truth catches up this is a generation that seeks truth and that's why everything that has been repressed for so many years is now coming to the surface so you might say how did my parents get away with this how did my grandparents get away with this how did my teachers get away with this how did schools get away with this how did my community get away with this how did my older sister and older brother get away with this I'm not gonna answer your question I told that to you in the beginning of the class but one thing I'll tell you don't compare because now is a time of truth emerging and when truth emerging two things out when truth emerges do things happen a lot of mansions come crumbling down a lot of things that look so tall and stable and beautiful come crashing down that's why in this place they got no building we move from tent to tent from place to place I come one morning into a class nothing there I have to find a new place it's great that's one thing that happens when truth comes out a lot of idols come crashing get smashed but something else also happens it gives us an opportunity to be able to deal with toxicity to be able to face power to be able to emancipate ourselves it's not a curse it's a blessing it's an opportunity things that have been repressed for many generations for many years for many decades can't be repressed anymore pain that people were ready to deal with and just go and give the nod and give the wink and let's just move on ain't working day after day after day another gasket crumbles another Idol gets shattered another myth gets exposed another suppose it's sacred reality crumbles and people feel disillusionment and some people feel oh yo yo yo it's not oh yo yo yo yo these are symptoms of redemption because Redemption could never happen when taxi City replaces sanity when falsehood replaces truth when Fay God's replaced the real God and when cover-ups become the definition for religion that is not Redemption that is more and more bondage more and more exile the moment these things emerge and people actually get repulsed from lies repulsed from falsehood repulsed from myths repulsed from dysfunction repulsed from using fear as an excuse for truth that's the moment that truth can begin to fester the moment I can look at my own crocodiles my own fears I could reach a different type of aloneness so there's the aloneness that comes from isolation from segregation I cut myself off from the world and I live in a shadow I don't even have a relationship with myself but then there's something else I mold off I mentor Aaden Susie helene by eva sir Yakov Lovato with misgav smiler father by mo there's something about your light that nobody else knows there's something about your caiaphas powers that nobody else knows there is something about the divine in you that is yours it's yours alone even close people to you they can be there for you they could listen to you they could know you they could support you but there's something internally that belongs to you and you alone and it has to be that way because it's your light it's your inner shaman it's your infinity that aloneness is not a weakness that aloneness is not because you're allergic or afraid of vulnerability that aloneness comes with full vulnerability in fact the more vulnerable I am the more truthful I am in many ways the more alone I become because I get to touch the core of self in which my eye meets the divine art this is an aloneness that is not afraid of relationships it's not aloneness that follows relationships the more connected the more alone because it is not an aloneness of weakness and fear it's not an aloneness of pettiness and victimhood it's not an aloneness to give me excuses why I'm so miserable I hate the world and everybody hates me somebody once said just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean everybody's not out to get me I'm paranoid but everybody's still out to get me both are true this is not that aloneness this is it aloneness that comes from inner strength from the fact that I opened up that I'm here that I have been challenged that I'm ready for growth and yet and yet as you get closer and closer to your own truths to certain things that are yours that yours it's your soul it's your veldt on shaolong it's your God I'm Nia dot the Hagaddah Hashem and I can't give that to somebody else just like nobody can give that to me and those are decisions that I have to make from a very very deep place stomm I mean I mentioned I mentioned Alabama Trevor I'll tell you something else I heard from his secretary his name is rabbi label groaner and he needed a shoe that he was well he was dating a girl it was in 1954 and I heard from him that at some point you know he dated and he went out and there was courtship but as they called it then courtship and at some point he asked Alabama cherub but if he should marry this girl or not marry this girl and the rebel looked at him he would become Amish his personal secretary for 50 60 years and the Rebbe said thus is a frog a nice dying Tata needs dine mama nish teeth can an end for him this is a question not your father not your mother and not I can answer the stuffs to Elaine and fit in Medinah kudos olive this you have to answer on your own with your with your own inner heart with your own inner heart but I know there's a little bit of a complicated sugah how she do come are created very often it's a very painful reality when the boy and the girl are disregarded who they are who they really are the main thing is let's marry them off let's ship them out of the house they'll grow up and the family will look good and in that dysfunctionality many a life is destroyed yes sometimes kids are immature and in communities with a merio of the girls at 17 and the boys at 18 obviously parents have to have a lot a lot of input but not now giving an opinion and getting into the different catalyst and different that's how it's done and Silesia communities and various additional communities and ueshiba should communion is official community Modern Orthodox community communities whatever it is that's not our discussion today wherever you are and however you are never see your position as trying to escape the truth of the children ultimately they are going to have to bear the consequences unless you believe that all of life and all of religion is just a cover-up and if you believe that whoa and now back onto you but your children are gonna spit it out and that's what's happening all the time now people have deceived themselves that everything is really a cover-up because they did it to themselves it was done to them so how much better can I be but that's not the case you don't have to be in gulls there's a time as Jews used to say when you could scream da legolas enough bandage enough exile thyroid could send the Jewish people out of Gullah s-- but how did the Jewish people send themselves out of godless that sometimes much harder and that's why it says they had to run away keep baraja because if they wouldn't run they would stay there and that's why they kept on trying to come back why are you coming back to this dysfunction it's like battered women's syndrome stuck alum syndrome you know those syndromes you go back to your abuser because it's familiar it's familiar that familiarity becomes toxic you need suspense you read mystery by mid more but Eretz Loy Zorua you followed me in the desert so hearty luck I was no riot Cassatt cool I saw you and thus and thus we have two types of aloneness in life you have an aloneness that is weakening and toxic yet aloneness that is strengthening and empowering and sometimes when it comes to core issues of my life with afraid insist Helene nobody can answer your questions for you you have to believe something else that you can answer your own question and I'll tell you why there's a book called Tanya it was written by a person as almond of Lee Adi in the introduction he says I have recorded here all the answers to all the questions so I once asked my students how does somebody write about them such a thing in a book of fifty three chapters a little book fifty three chapters I recorded all the answers to all the questions come on the answer to that is because it's based on one premise and the premise that it's based on in second chapter is as I quote the nefesh a Shana's bistro he Hale ik la cara me mal manish the expression hale akela common mouth says in many for him he has one word mama SH there's a second soul in every Jew that is a piece of Hashem mamas mamas means mamas mamas in English for real truth mama comes to the word me moosh it's tangible you can touch it when you hop on I eat when you hop on I drew when you hop on yourself what are you touching you know touching are stick flesh a piece of flesh you're touching on that too but inside of it is a helical economy mom Amish a fragment of infinity a piece of God the divine light is here heyno Calaca if that's true it means that we are all the answers to all the questions we do they lay where do they ultimately lay I have to answer this question it's gonna be defeating the whole class if I answer this question somebody's gonna have to volunteer right thank you all that's why I recorded here all the answers to all the questions because I'm not answering all the questions what I'm telling you is that the answer is inside of you and in that place you'll have all the answers if I at the ends of all the questions I can have answers to all the questions I don't have to have the answers to all the questions what I'm telling you is you have it somebody once went into a Barnes and Noble store and they came to the poor lady standing by the counter and says excuse me can you help me sure where is the self-help section she says if I tell you it's gonna defeat the purpose smart girl if I tell you it's gonna defeat the purpose now my helical akame mile could be trapped that's why I need other people I need other people not to answer my question I need other people to help me reach a place where I can answer my question and that's where there'll be two types of people who will answer your questions there will be people who will answer your questions and try to substitute your answering your questions stay away and there will be people who always know they have to give you one answer and the answer they have to give you is let me help you find the answer inside of yourself that's a very different type of answer very different that one that's an answer that trusts you that's an answer that empowers you that's an answer that believes that God wants you that's an answer that believes that God is inside of you that's an answer that believes there is uniqueness there is individuality there is a mission there's a journey that you have this is an answer that appreciates that you are not me I can't live for you sometimes you can die for another person but you could never live for another person unless you kill them did you hear what I just said you could die for another person but the only way you could live for another person is if you kill them mothers can die for their children they can't live for their children unless they kill their children and that's the sad part I can't live for you unless you're not alive because living for you means that there's no you there's no you sometimes we have a situation where there's somebody who can't function on their own class for Sholem and yes we have to make all decisions for them but when we take good people healthy people normal people have the potential to live and we live for them we stripped them from their dignity but when somebody is ill we have to be able to identify that too and know how to deal with that at least in a temporary level till they could become healthy addiction is a disease addiction is an illness and sometimes when you take the backseat and you say oh I let people be independent you're not letting them be independent you're letting them die it's like a sick child an infant who is disabled I let my kid be independent no no no there's a time when I have to be able to help you become who you are but I have to help you become who you are knowing the strength knowing the weaknesses that's why it could be all the questions all the answers to all the questions because the premise is you have the answer but you have the answer deep inside for this you have to have a relationship with your soul you have to know what your helical akame model is you have to talk to it you have to be able to consult it you have to be able to experience it but when you experience it and consulted you will have all the answers because it has the answers it's inside of you there is infinity inside of you is the source of wisdom weird what is my role what is are all just to help you be able to get to that place or to be able to get closer to that place that's why they'll always be two types of answers you'll always hear it there's the answer that respects that place in you and there's the answer that wants to replace that place in you how did Rabbi Weinreb know that the lubavitcher rebbe is answer is true because it resonated it resonated it resonated you gotta talk to yourself he knew how true it was because his self came to life his true self came to life based on all this we will be able to appreciate a little bit of that unique mitzvah of painting the blood on the doorposts as a preparation for redemption which gave pace of its name that continues in buoyant mashaallah and i will explore god willing next week have a wonderful week this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot a yeshiva net slash donate