Single Men Who Live With Their Parents And Advice For A Happy Marriage

why is it that men that live with their mommies after the age of 50 think it's completely normal to have their figured wives move their figured wives move in with them and their mommy what is the priority uh well listen if somebody's been living with their mother for 50 years and they just met a woman and they want to marry them um it's going to be very difficult for them to leave their mother's house uh because just because they met the woman now and the woman now is a wonderful woman or she seems wonderful and they want to build a house with them it doesn't mean that they're going to abandon what they've been uh uh used to accustomed to and even enjoy uh until now it's not a especially at the age of 50 their mother's probably older they don't want to leave her she's you know she's she's probably a widow uh so if a person is living with his mother still at the age of 50 most likely he's never going to leave his mother's house and whoever wants to marry that person should expect that and not even try to get them to leave their mother's house because it's an unreasonable request if somebody's still living with their mother at the age of 50 that's part of the package if you're coming in to try to change the package that means you want a different package you want a different person a person that's living with their mother at the age of 50 is doing it as part of their that's part of who they are they have made a life decision that this is the best thing for them whether it is or it isn't the best thing for them obviously you have to know the person to know whether it's the best thing for them or not but for a woman to come in and think that uh they're going to change this person's life at this stage of their life is uh arrogant and inconsiderate uh a person that's living with his mother for that long it's a uh it's unreasonable to ask them to leave their mother's house uh for many different reasons and quite frankly it's a uh uh it's it's it's it's right for them to stay with their mother at this stage because if they leave their mother's house at this stage of their life number one it's going to be a huge difficulty for their mother to adjust at such an age their mother's at least 75 70 80 years old very difficult for them to to adjust number two he is making their mom suffer this very difficult uh adjustment uh for a woman that uh he doesn't even know yet he doesn't know if it's going to work out so what if it doesn't work out with this new woman even if the new woman says I want to marry you if you know again usually people don't get married after a week usually people you know get to know each other for a little while and uh he doesn't know if it's going to work out or not and they're really going to be happily ever after especially when people get married at that age so for him to move out of his mother's house I don't think it's a uh a reality and I think that any woman that meets a guy that still lives with his mother should in essence assume that this is what it is if she's not interested in it then she should not ask the person uh to go on a date with her or accept an offer to go on a date with him she should simply just say not for me and move on to somebody else to say uh that's it uh I can tell you the the uh you know the uh the perspective of the tah is that woman should uh and a man should not leave their parents house until they're married so if a woman is looking at things from the perspective of the Torah if let's say for example the man is still living with his parents and he's uh and he's single he's technically doing the right thing according to the to there's no reason for him to live by by himself it's a problem for him to live by himself he can make more sins uh on the other hand a woman that's a uh living by herself and she's not married it is problematic according to to to why because that could lead to priscu it could lead to problems against the to she should still be living with you know in our father and our mother's house but again this is obviously we're talking to people that are you know people that have done chuva later on in their life or people that uh did not know this until now so of course there is a understanding of of reality but point being is is that just like we are expecting the world of Tor and of course to understand understand our limited circumstances and our Mis decisions and mistakes uh in life and accept our chuva we have to also be accepting and understanding of other people and their decisions and not try to adjust the world to our liking this is one of the primary problems in the world of relationships especially marriages today where people are looking for uh for for for a partner based on you know somebody that fits them meaning I want you know I I I'm going to I'm going to marry somebody that meets my uh meets my criteria you know woman has a criteria man has a criteria she has to be this tall this short this weight this bank account this color hair uh this accent this uh understanding and she has also you know uh a list he has to be this tall this skinny this fat this family this amount of knowledge this job this uh salary this bank account this understanding and this is why people get divorced why because they're coming into a relationship based on a shopping list like as if they're going into a supermarket to buy stuff they're coming into a relationship looking for someone to fit their description and their needs they're not coming into a relationship in order to fit somebody else's need they're not coming into a relationship to give they're coming into a relationship to take I'll you know I'll take it if he is that tall I'll take it if he is that uh Rich I'll take it if he is that uh you know uh that uh skill I'll take it why because he meets my shopping list requirement he meets my to-do list I could put a check mark next to the to-do list that's a to-do list that's bound to get a divorce or be miserable throughout their entire life if a person wants to have a successful marriage they have to go into relationship with a priority of giving of yourself to help the other person to help your partner in any way that you can and not necessarily only looking to accept you say oh but what about me well guess what if all you focus on is giving then guess what a normal partner will reciprocate they also give they also give so when you focus on taking they also focus on taking and guess what nobody has anything in the end everybody's miserable why cuz I want this but you didn't give it to me I want that you didn't give it to me though yeah but I want that you didn't give it to me but I want that you didn't give it to me so what happens they fight about what this one didn't give the other and nobody gives anybody anything except once they don't have a choice or they simply just have had it to fighting and they just give whatever they take but that's a miserable life you want to have a happy life you have to focus priority number one two and three is give give of yourself that means that if you have uh something that you want to do but your husband wants to do something else you want to sit on the couch and watch a movie your husband wants to go learn tah or he wants to uh you know watch or he wants to um go walk outside go unless he wants to do something bad go with him yeah but I want to just uh you know I want to watch uh you know I know you want to watch but if you want a happy life you're not going to fight for everything that you want and that's the problem people are fighting constantly for what they want they look at relationship like a shopping list and very rarely the people think of relationship as a opportunity to give constantly give if you look at any successful relationship you'll see people that are giving constantly giving constantly but also receiving but they receive without asking why they receive without asking because they're Focus so focused on giving that there's no time to ask so how do they get what they want because when you are with a normal decent human being and you're giving that normal decent human being then guess what they're going going want naturally going to want to give it back they want to give you more they want to give you of thems but you have to have the right perspective of relationships if you're coming into a relationship looking to change the uh person their wardrobe their house their you know ideas their look that means you want somebody else that means you want somebody else and you have to you know find somebody else you know but if if you're going into a relationship where you are looking at it is how could I meet his uh his needs not just the sensual needs not just the financial needs not just the uh I don't know uh boredom needs but you know life life you know there there's there are certain things that a person finds really really important it's really important to them and if you also view it important not because you like it not because you even agree it's important but it's important for you because it's important to them that means that you are giving but if it's only important to you because you agree that it's important then that means you're not giving that means that you you're still living a shopping list life so it's important for a person to know if they want to succeed in relationships give give and give and if you want rule number four I'll even give you rule number four since I give you three for the price same price I'm going to give you rule number four rule number four is don't forget the first three rules give give give you do that you're going to be a happy [Music] person [Music] amen