Transcript
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What are signs that you're a good
father? Um, there are a lot of signs of
being a good father. I think the the
main sign because you can't fake it. You
can't it can't be simulated. Either you
have this or you don't. If this is true
about you, then it to me I could
extrapolate a lot of other things about
your your parenting style. And that is
this. When your child is in trouble,
whatever kind of trouble you like they
say, little kids little trouble, big
kids, big trouble, when your child is in
trouble, do they hide it from you or do
they seek you out?
Now, I've spoken about this before and
some people get really really like
indignant about this. My kid better hide
from me when he's in trouble. Really?
Really? So, who do you want helping him
out? like his friends who are even if
they're good friends but they're young
and inexperienced like your child. Okay.
And then let's say your kid has friends
that are not such good friends because
that kind of happens sometimes. We don't
always get to pick who our kids are
hanging out with and especially if your
kid is running away from you. So then he
may may attach himself or herself to not
good friends. So, the kids in trouble
and trying to figure it out with a bunch
of friends who may not have the best
advice or may not even have your child's
best interests at heart. Like, why
wouldn't you want your child to seek you
out when they're in trouble?
So, I think it's like an ego thing for a
lot of parents, like, you know, my child
better know
that they better be afraid to disappoint
me. Well, every child naturally
has an aversion to disappointing their
parents.
But when that's weaponized to the point
where now your child is hiding things
from you, where your child's keeping
secrets from you, what have you gained?
I don't think you've gained anything
other than some perverse bragging right
that look how much my kid's afraid of me
that when he gets in trouble, he keeps
it secret for the rest of his life.
Like, what have you gained?
Your job as a parent is to be your
child's guide and teacher and mentor.
And if you do that, if you do your job,
then other people won't step in to fill
the void and become a substitute
parent figure, parental figure. You want
to be your child's primary guide in
life, not somebody else, not some
stranger. Even in the best case
scenario, even if it's a good stranger.
And how much more so when the reality is
that very often the people who step in
to fill a parental void are not such
good people and don't have your child's
best interest at heart. So if you are
the one who's going to teach your child
how to live, teach them right from
wrong, how to not just teach them plan
A, but teach them when things get messed
up and you need a plan B, you need to
figure out troubleshooting. When you do
make a mistake, how do you own up to it
and then try to repair it? If you want
to be the one who teaches your child
that, then you have to ask yourself this
question. When your child's in trouble,
did they hide from you or hide it from
you? Or did they come looking for you?
Now, it doesn't mean that they come
swaggering in like all cavalier. Yeah, I
messed up. Fix it for me. Okay, that's
not being a good parent either. If
you're just fixing all of your kids'
problems,
that doesn't teach them responsibility.
Then you're not really teaching them
anything. You're just fixing things for
them. But if your child comes to you
with contrition, with humility, I messed
up. I'm I'm embarrassed. I messed up. I
But but who who can I come to other than
you, right? What do I do? If that's the
way your child is coming to you, then
you are a success. That's a good father.
That's a good father. And I I would say
the same for a mother as well, but I'm
saying specifically about a father right
now because very often it's fathers who
pride themselves in being like
this this like I call it again the
perverse bragging rights of like I'm the
one in the home that the children the mo
are the most ashamed of like not they're
sh that's not how the parent thinks of
it they don't think of it like my
child's ashamed of me but my child maybe
is ashamed of himself in front of me
like and some people actually think
that's a good thing like that in fact
some mothers think that's a good thing
well they'll tell the kid wait till your
father gets home right Um,
why why would that be something that you
think would help you to do your job?
Like what's your job? Honestly, what's
your job? What's the job of a of a
father? Teach your kids how to live,
right? Teach your child how to be a
responsible adult so that when you're
gone, they can raise your grandchildren.
So, like why would you
deprive them of having you in their life
as their primary guide and mentor
by
forcing them into a situation where
they're ashamed of admitting any wrong
in front of you? So that's why I said if
you're a father and you can say that my
child seeks me out at their darkest hour
when they messed up and they know it and
they seek me out, then I say there's a
lot of other things that you're also
doing right for all of that to uh fall
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