Shnayim Yomi - Vayigash - R'vi'i - #4 - Rabbi Mordechai Schiffman - When Shame Turns into Blame

[Music] In the fourth aliyah of paras yoseph sends his brothers up to their father and he says algazoo do not fall out by the way. What does that mean? Rashi gives several interpretations. One of them is according to the simple explanation the brothers were embarrassed. They were ashamed. And therefore, Yseph, he was afraid. Maybe even though everything was just reconciled and Yseph said that I forgive you and nothing was wrong, maybe they would fight on the way back home about the sale of Yosephimar. And one would say to the other, "It was you who was the one who sold him. It's your fault." andal and you're the one who said lashhara about yosepha lanu no so and you're the one who caused us to hate him the brothers are no longer in danger is safe yoseph has forgiven them but now they must travel together with the full weight of what they did and Yoseph understands something profoundly psychological unprocessed shame rarely turns inward quietly It almost always turns outward as blame, argument, moral accusation. Shame is different from guilt. Some psychologists note guilt says I did something wrong while shame says there is something wrong with me. When people feel shame and they cannot tolerate it, they often instinctively try to shift responsibility, reassign the fault to others and rewrite the story so they are not the worst ones in that story. Not because they disagree about the facts, but because each brother is trying to escape the unbearable shame. Even after forgiveness, after safety, after resolution, Yoseph knows that the conflict can erupt after the danger has passed. When people finally have a sense of relief, that shame resurfaces. And if that shame is not contained, then that can fracture relationships. So Yseph gives them all one final instruction. Don't fight. Don't turn this journey into a courtroom.