She Said No… and I Still Knew We’d Marry | That Jewish Family Story of Hope

So, I'm really excited to hear how the two of you have created this wild, adventurous life together. So, let's go like back to the beginning. My parents are in Sydney. >> I'm from Sweden. My parents are the Schlim in Sweden. >> And he flew in to date me. >> Oh, >> no. He actually flew in to date someone else. >> Person you marry is literally what your life is going to be like. It's the largest investment. >> Her son came up for you, but you're not going to like his looks. I remember that. He was big. Like, he's a little big. Like, I think we should skip that. And 2 years in at this point, it came up again and I saw a picture of Danny and I was like, "Oh, he's really cute." Actually, >> she said no after the first date. >> And then Danny flew back to Sweden the next morning. >> But I flew back knowing that we're going to marry each other. >> No way. >> So Danny flew back and then we went out on a second first date 3 weeks later and I came home and I was like, "No, I flew across the world." Like I can't say no like that. I really know that I went out in a space of negativity. I went out looking for problems. I went out expecting to be swoon off my feet. I had no problem. >> I was I was going to inform her that >> you can't anymore. >> This is not working out. I And there she goes and she passes me a whole letter. >> Sometimes you can't notice what you have until you don't have it and freaking out again. And I was like, um, I walked out without the dress. And this was 10 days before the wedding. And he was flying to Australia in a couple of days. >> That was the hardest flight of my life. I knew the moment I see her, she'll be fine. I know that hard things don't come just like that. Money doesn't grow on a tree and sometimes you got to fight for things and wait for it. >> I really liked Danny. That's the thing. I had a hard time with all these like the fear. The fear the fear really got me. >> I had my criteria on what I wanted. I'm very happy it turned out. >> Oh, you're very >> Welcome back to the Stories of Hope podcast. This week we had such a fun couple, Razel and Danny. That Jewish family, you heard me right. right here on Stories of Hope. For the first time ever, hear behind the scenes of what actually happened and how they connected and learn so much from their experience. But before we begin, I want to welcome you to get Sedaka with me on my favorite app, the Kalabad Sedaka Pushka app. I know that with this app, before I start any episode, I know it's going to be a big hit because this app helped me enrich it with Braha. And before you do anything, an interview, your day, a business deal, it's so easy. You just press the button. That's it. I just gave Saddaka and it's free. So download the Kabad Pushka app today to bring more blessing into your life and join me in doing this mitzvah together. Sit back, relax, or crank up the volume on your way to work and get ready for an amazing story of hope. Hi, I'm Sapora Grodco and this is the Stories of Hope podcast. There's no better way to start with the two of you than obviously sharing where we've been and and like trying to see like, well, you've been to Montana, we've been to Paris. beat that. But like I told your wife, I'm at 49, so you guys have some catching up to do. Yes. >> You know, I actually thought we're going to travel America now with when we were doing our green card and then it got approved so fast that we're like, "Okay, thank God. >> It's not America." >> You know, >> we were we were planning to travel America for at least a year and a half because that's >> We thought we were not going to be able to leave. >> Do you have you an RV yet? >> No, that was our plan. We'll get an RV and then >> Yeah. Connect you to the bosses. We also had them on our podcast. That's fun. They have an RV, right? >> No. So, there's an RV company that reached out to us. >> It was a camping company. >> See, when you're an influencer, that's what happens. >> That's what happens. >> That's what happens. Okay. >> The camping company. >> Well, she said she'll give me an RV to promote her camping routes. >> If you need a babysitter, I might know someone. >> So, I'm really excited to hear how the two of you have created this wild, adventurous life together. So, let's go like back to the beginning. Let's start with you, Raisel. Can you first give us a little background into how you were raised and where you're from? >> Yes, totally. So, I'm from Australia. I mean, if you could barely hear, my accent's really starting to dwindle. From Sydney Australian lessons to keep it >> Oh, go from Sydney. And I was raised, my parents are in Sydney. So I was raised like about um 45 minutes away which is not crazy in America but in in Sydney it was like very far from the Jewish community like the main area like where I went to school. There is a Jewish community where I live especially now it's like grown a lot but growing up we used to drive to school every day back and forth back and forth and my parents have a kabad house and they run events and programs and sh and all of that. So that was very >> interrupting you. Is there only one kabad house in Sydney? >> In no there's plenty I feel like I met your parents. Is that possible? >> I don't know. Where were you? >> I was in Sydney >> in the north. >> Oh, probably the east. Were you all the restaurants? >> What did you do there? >> Were you in the Jewish area? >> There was like a pop culture picture of the Reba in the house. >> Yeah. >> Is that yours? >> What? >> No. Why did you go make sense? Does someone in your family have a seminary? Does your mom have a seminary? Did she have a seminary? >> No. >> No. Okay, fine. But there is a popup culture picture. This is weird. >> I think I was a nice house. >> Yeah, it was like >> How long ago? >> How long ago? like 12 years ago. >> No, no, no. They they didn't have a nice almost we were like getting >> almost almost No, there's a lot of in Sydney though. Um, sorry. That was probably like the end to what this podcast was meant to be, right? Sorry about that. >> No, you're good. Go for it. >> So, one second. What were we saying? No. I don't know. That would have been cool, though. No. So, you probably were in like Were you in the area of Bondai Beach? >> Yes. >> Yes. So, no, that's that's where I went to school. I live like about 45 minutes away from that. >> Big Kabad community. >> Yeah. Huge. a big Jewish I mean a pretty decent sized Jewish community. Not huge but like really decent. >> There's a lot of um anyways I used to go to school there and I was but >> that was pretty much my life like growing up as like the daughter of the in the area I lived. Um and I was thankfully thank god lived in a city where I was able to go to school till 18 cuz like a lot of people leave home at like 14. I'm like thank god I didn't have that. Instead of leaving home at 14 you decided to leave home for the next uh Once we started traveling, have no home. >> Have no home. Exactly. >> But so I was there till 18. Then I went to seminary. Um I spent a year in Israel. This is really short. Then I moved to New York for 3 years and eventually that's when I met Danny. >> Okay. >> And really short. >> Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Thank you. Danny, tell us a little bit about your background. >> Very different. Well, similar but very different at the same time. >> Correct. I'm from Sweden. My parents are the Schlum in Sweden in Goththingberg or there there are other as well. So at the time when I grew up, we had one other family living there, the Danovs, and we kind of like grew up with them. >> You mean one other religious family? >> Yeah. Religious. Well, Kabad family like >> Yeah. >> Um it was fun. We had a great time. My friends aren't like observant Jewish or anything. Um so I think I grew up in like a very, you know, unique situation compared to even other around the world. It's a very liberal city, Goththingberg. And everyone always asks, "Oh, anti-semitism, anti- I knew I could tie it in early on." >> So, everyone always has like the approach of like, "Oh, anti-semitism." But >> that wasn't Yeah. But that wasn't our upbringing. Our upbringing was beautiful. >> We had a really nice >> Yeah. except have police escorts to Schul. So, >> wow. Yeah. >> Okay. What do you do? >> You just ignore the facts. >> You go to show >> with police. >> Okay. And in Nigeria, they have a >> Yeah. >> SWAT team with them the whole time, you know. >> Um, >> were you were you in school online? >> No. So, my parents had a school and that was like the school for the community and it was fun. It was really fun and I had a great time. I remember being like, oh, thinking, oh, some people don't like school. I don't get that. Like, oh, such fun. School was just a lot of fun. >> It's so cool how you can have two people who had two extraordinarily different experiences, but to you, it's your norm. That is all, you know, everyone. I recently went to Alaska with a friend and the school is the rabbi and their kids in their remote school and they love it and their friends are in China and their friends are in Africa, but that is their norm. That's all they know. It's unbelievable. I could never. Even Danny, I'm sorry. You left home at 13. Like, oh, I could never. >> Yeah. I went home to the and I left from Sweden. So, imagine like luscious, beautiful, like skiing half hour away and, you know, like cute town and the lights. Say what you want there. You know, it's >> beautiful. >> And then you go to Detroit. That's where I went to Detroit. So, >> thousands of miles of concrete. um electric poles and I was like Sweden's the best and everyone got pissed at me for being so patriotic. >> I remember >> I was so homesick. I love you. >> Do you remember when we were dating and I was like Danny I could never homeschool because at this point his parents school didn't exist and Danny was like to go back to Sweden. I was like >> if you want to if you want to live there there's no school like say now because we're ending this. I'm like, "This is not a life I could do. I didn't I could not." >> So, tell me what it was like after you're both um starting to date. Where were you living? What was your expectation and what ended up happening? >> Do you want to start or should I start? You start. Go. Should I start? >> Well, you can speak about your expectations. >> What my expectations? I'm kidding. >> I think I went What you want to start? Should I start? What? Well, my expectation was >> what? >> You start go. >> Okay. Sure. >> I started dating. So, like how is it like world you know? Um so like I moved to Cran Heights when I was young like super young. I mean also got married young to be honest but I moved to Crown Heights at 19. I didn't date till No. Did I move at 19? Yeah. 19. I didn't date when I moved there like the at the beginning but I remember my mind was already like >> mommy anyone come up you know like that style like your friends are starting to date and I was like mommy is there anyone like what's going on you know but like not seriously um I didn't I did not date that year but I remember like seeing my friends starting to date and this I was like really excited about it and I think when you start the dating world you expect things to be like quick and fast and you're going to meet the perfect person and like you're going to like them they're going to like you and it's going be like this like quick match, you know? I'm sure you can know. Like that's like the young like innocent going into the dating world. Um, and like you're perfect and you got this and you just sit back and relax and just watch the guy you out and just like like that style. I think I went in with I would say also I don't know maybe there has to be some sort of education of some sort but I feel like I don't know I felt like I went in or maybe I don't know like going in with like a very like like an expectation of like um like the guy's going to take you out and you're just going to sit back watch and relax and not put anything in yourself and just see if he's like this perfect Mr. man while you're judging >> like he is lucky to be sharing the >> It sounds so egotistical. It sounds so egotistical. >> I don't mean it in that sense. It is. I don't mean it in that sense, but it's more like you feel like like dating is just going to be that smooth and that easy and it isn't for most people. It's just not that's not how it is, you know, >> and you we go in thinking like that and it's just not. Anyway, so I only not only but I think I went on my first date right before uh 21 maybe or 20. I was living in Crown Heights at 2 years at this point and my mom tried really hard. God bless her but I remember there was a lot of friction about it's shak like reason we should go with this guy. No, I don't want him. No, you should. You should. There was a lot of friction in that sense but she did try her hardest. So, thank you mom. There was a lot of back and forth. I dated a whole bunch of guys. A lot of wasn't whatever. >> Is dating different in the kabad world? >> I'm sure it is. >> I'm sure. So, >> I'm sure it is. I I don't know what world there are so many different ones like we visited um Blooming Grove um was like you know they're like summer a whole different that was bash show bash show I was like wow this is a whole different world but it's probably >> was very proud of being lavish after after seeing how they did >> I dated for you like five years but respect listen if it works it works you know >> what happens like whenever I see on a website that says like Maza Kaya from Nigeria engaged to Maiishi from Venice. >> Literally >> were they both living in Crown Heights or they like zoom dated? >> No. No. No. How does that work? >> If someone lives in Venice, it they're not from they're just from there. Kabad people once they move to Yeshiva once they're Yeshiva age they leave home. >> Okay. >> So it's all these exotic locations because of kids. So you have Venice and whatever. >> Well, not necessarily. When we were dating, you were living in Sweden, >> correct? >> Yeah. >> Oh, that that was an exception. >> I went back to work on my parents happened to be >> But for us, the center is always going to be >> Crown Heights. People even out of I don't know. >> Is it just literally it's crazy. >> Well, they they are like expanding the whole >> It's a lot of filled up. I don't know. It's crazy. But no, but a lot of people the accepted space to date from like if people are living in Australia or this is people fly into like Crown Heights usually >> you like date common grounds. I mean obviously everyone's different. They're going to see what works for each couple wherever they are but generally people fly in. They'll go to Crown Heights um and date from there. >> Okay. >> You're usually going to be dating in Manhattan and just sleeping in. >> But I mean Yeah. But I'm saying date from New York as a base. Like Danny was living in Sweden and he flew in to date me. Oh, >> no. He actually flew in to date someone else. >> Okay. Well, to any guys listening, if Brooklyn's too far from uh I don't know any other city you need to go to, Danny flew in from Switzerland. Sometimes Sweden, thank you. There is a big difference. I don't live there. I am holding. I am holding. Um yeah, sometimes people just feel so overwhelmed by the fact that there's a drive that they're like, I don't want to I don't want to go out with someone. So my friend in Sweden asked me then, "Y I'll give you a little mention over here. >> Shout out." >> So he said, "Wow, you flying all the way." So I I think it was Yosh. So I told him, "Oh, imagine you had a business deal on the table right now. Couple million 10 $10 million. Are you going to fly to New York to see if you can make it work? Even if there's a small chance, you're going to fly." Of course. >> So this is this is beyond any money. This is trillions of dollars. The person you marry is the most important investment in your life. And I think people should maybe start looking at that way. And just like you invest in property or you invest in a new stock or something, you're going to fly anywhere in the world to to make your billion dollar deal. And this is more than a billion dollars. The person you marry is literally what your life is going to be like. It's the largest investment. And the shik system compared to, you know, the regular society, the non-Jewish world, it's uncomparable. There is zero, you know, research about someone. There's zero like background checks or anything. This is the largest investment of life. Do anything for it. >> Stop working. Anything literally I really really >> dating. >> Do you remember Danny? He used to tell me like I used to come exhausted and tired from a long day at work and he's like, "Razel, quit your job." I was like, "Honey, I need to pay for my food and my rent. Like, I can't quit." But he was like, "This is the focus right now." You're very into it. >> I did not quit my job. >> Do you agree? >> What do you do agree that it's your focus? I still don't agree that I should have quit my job, but for you should have asked them to leave earlier. I think >> looking back probably >> I wasn't getting paid anyway. >> No, but it is it is a good point. Shout out to any employer who thinks, "Oh, they're single, so like, yeah, stay later. give them more responsibilities. They have more time and energy. You cannot prioritize your life when your employer is making you prioritize his. >> So there should be more flexibility. There should be more compassion. I have a lot of friends who will say like, well, even I remember when I was applying for jobs as a clinical social worker, every place I applied to said, well, you know, because you're single, you have to take the night shift. >> That's terrible. >> And I remember thinking, well, how can I date? cuz guys aren't available from 9 to 4. Like how does that work? Yeah. >> And it's an expectation that we could um >> That's not so sensitive. >> It's not sensitive. I think they just don't understand. We want to give them education. >> I would say also for the single people like >> if they have a certain outlook of like everything in this world is important, of course, you have to live on with life and you have to have that approach of like you can't stop your life cuz you're single. Yeah. You know, I think there's a balance to that also. Like in the end of the day, like it's not just the employer. You have to also stand up to the employer and say, "Listen, I'm dating now and I want to get married. Your job and everything, I respect it, but this is not the most important thing in the world for me. And my most important thing is to get married. So, >> you're going to have to respect that." >> Yeah. >> And I think they'll listen. >> If you come with that conviction. >> Absolutely. No. Well said. Well said. So Danny, let's hear um I think you started to share what your experience was like. We heard a little bit about Raisel and then we'll get to how the two of you got connected and what that journey was like. >> Oh, the water was very good. >> Imported from the waters of Colorado. >> So my experience of what? >> Dating. >> Mhm. >> Well, you didn't say your experience. >> Not a little. >> What did you say that you dated nine people? We'll get back to >> exhausting. I can't even imagine what it is. >> I think I don't know for me what was important was to get married and I had that as a big priority. I was living in Sweden at the time. Um I was pretty picky. I would say >> you're a guy you're allowed to be. >> No. Isn't that >> Well, I'll tell you what I feel. >> And I don't regret it. I would say I would say like let's change the word from um picky to um to I um I have I had my criteria >> because picky sounds so negative and it is the most important decision in your life. So yes, you should be picky. You should be particular. You should have criteria. You should >> I like that. >> Yeah, you should. Absolutely. Like 100%. >> Absolutely. >> So what's your word% to sum it up? So I would say I had my criteria >> of what I wanted. >> I had my criteria on what I wanted. I'm very happy it turned out. >> Very kind. >> And how did you how did you approach dating? Um practically you would fly out for every date. >> Um I flew I think I flew three times or twice maybe. No m >> um >> disheartening to fly. I never flew for any of my dates. Never asked you. Wasn't it not disheartening? >> No. >> No. Fly all the way across the world. >> Maybe I just flew twice. >> Across the world. >> Maybe I just flew twice, I think. >> Yeah. >> Um I happened to be in town for the other ones or whatever it was. I didn't date so so many people before. >> Yeah. We had very different like dating. Like my my dating was more like oh he said yes, go out. That was it. And Danny was more like no no no no no. Okay. You know it was very different experience. I said no to a lot of people, but >> I'm very happy. >> Oh, thank you. >> The way it turned out. >> I'm very happy. >> Okay, good. >> And when the two of you met, uh, was that a smooth transition or is there any sort of story hidden there? >> No, that was not >> There is a hidden story. First of all, our mothers, our classmates. I'm sure many of viewers would know that because we've said that in many different videos >> cuz that's the simple answer. You know how did you say oh our mothers were classmates and they put us together ra >> uh it took a lot of years. >> Exactly. So they first suggested it to each other. My mother was asking my mother-in-law um what do you think about this certain girl or name came up and they ended off the conversation by saying well I'm also looking >> yeah his mom was asking my mom about a different girl than my mom knew for Danny. Okay. So the conversation ended and whatever that came up whatever it was the conversation ended with my mother-in-law saying well I also have a daughter what do you think about Rais doll what should we do you have anyone for him for her and then my mother thought to herself well >> you know what maybe this is a cute idea then she she suggested it to her and I think more people should do that like people are very like I don't know if if it's in the system in like the litwfish world or whatever and everyone's like to the box >> but Just sometimes >> there's no need for >> between the parents, you know, between the girl and the boy. I agree there should be a shak in the beginning. I think it's very valuable. >> That's if you're using the shak system. >> Yeah. If you're using the shak system and it could prevent a lot of heartbreak >> because you know you're not texting a girl. Sorry, I'm not interested. Um but people should do that more often. Like what do you think? And if it's yeah, yeah, no, no, it will be just a little uncomfortable and you move on. >> Yeah. People don't like being uncomfortable, but sometimes discomfort leads to leads to great things. Yeah. Incredible. >> I remember when Danny first came up. It was 3 years before we actually dated. And I still hadn't dated anyone yet. Um and >> I was much bigger then. Also, I was like I was like, how much was I? >> 126 kilos. >> I remember mom saying, "Oh, so my her son came up for you, but you're not going to like his looks. He's like >> I remember that he was big. Like he's a little big. like I think we should skip that. And that's like the first time I ever heard Danny's name. The second time was fast forward three years. I already dated nine guys at this time. Um some of which were more just to just you know get the move like you know what I'm saying? >> But um maybe like two years in at this point it came up again and I saw a picture of Danny and I was like oh he's really cute actually. And then I don't know what happened. I don't know if you said no or if um it was just like part like it never clicked. I don't know what happened there. >> Danny, did you say no? >> I think I might have said no, but I didn't. There was like one picture I saw and it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't a good picture. It wasn't a good picture. >> Okay. >> Maybe. >> And I jumped to conclusions. >> Something like it just Yeah, >> it was like a seminary picture. I think >> you don't want to see me in seminary. Everything's in the right time cuz we would have dated you then would not >> surfing my on your Facebook page like trip or something. >> No, that was definitely not seminary. That was that was after the story. >> That was before something else happened. I don't know what happened that it didn't work out. I >> remember thinking, "Oh, he's cute." And then whatever. I don't know. Didn't didn't happen. >> But this is like right before we did. >> No, this was a year before. >> A full year before. >> Yeah. >> Oh, wow. This was a year before. This was not >> I forgot about this. Danny was suffering from poor Isis. And then what? How did it come up again? >> And then it came up. A lot of people suggested it. You have to meet Danny. You have to meet Danny. You have to meet Danny. You have to meet Danny. And then I had just finished dating a guy for like 2 months. He had ended it. And I was like done. I was so exhausted. I remember just being so like tired and in such a negative space to dating. Like I'm so over this. All these names that are coming up are so not for me. Like I don't get this. I'm so over it. And I was young, which is crazy cuz I look back and I'm like, I was so young. >> So like I've already had that like my you know what I'm saying? I was already young and I already felt burnt out, which is wild. Um which is crazy. >> Like I definitely like I don't know. Anyway, and I just finished something and I was like gh over it. And my mom had called me. I remember I was from I was in Florida flying to New York and she's like, "Can you just give Danny a chance? Like just go out for coffee with him." And I was like h like >> this is when I was about to leave after dating someone else. I was about to leave back to Sweden and my mother called me and said Raisel Shapiro is back on the table. >> That's so funny. >> Um what do you >> I guess they spoke. I guess >> I said he sent me new pictures. So I said yes immediately. >> A you're very sweet. This time around the eyesight worked. I'm kidding. >> It was just one picture though. Listen, I I've seen pictures of myself circulating and I've been like, >> "Wear in God's cotton picking name. Did you find that one?" That is when I perm time when I dressed up at and I was on a ladder and it's underneath. Like, it's true. I'm making fun of you, but the truth is there's terrible pictures of everybody. >> I want to send a message to anyone dating. >> Yeah. >> Honestly, it's we're very lucky. We live in a time that there are pictures. So you could save a lot of energy and heartbreak and effort because people back then used to date and be like wow marrying a a watermelon or no like mar in their mind >> marrying someone that's like so differently like >> not >> what am I I didn't sign up for >> yeah but I don't think pictures should judge >> but that's what I'm saying >> don't jump to a conclusion you can ask for more pictures and ask for more pictures and ask for more pictures >> or see the person in real life >> or see the person in real I think girls are different to guys though. No, >> the watermelon thing. I didn't mean water. I didn't mean like watermelon. I meant like just totally disproportionate of what your mind can imagine of a description of a person. And I think yeah, you people should also give it other chances. I' I speak to singles and they're like, "No, I don't like the picture." So like picture, don't judge from one picture. You have to ask for at least four or five pictures. >> I don't know. It's funny. I didn't really go for pictures so much. I wanted to hear about the person. >> Okay, guys. Yeah, I hear where you're coming from though. It's like give it a chance, don't say no off the bat. Like if if if you hear beautiful things about someone and something's not sitting right, >> but for sure date them, meet them once, but if if they're really like a no, there shouldn't be a there should never be like a full no off one picture. That's what I'm saying. >> Yeah. And what I what I love about your story, which I want people to hear, cuz sometimes people make threats. You ever hear like threats like you're saying no to him now, you might never get married cuz maybe he's the one. And to that, firstly, you're speaking to fear. It is so damaging. >> You're eliminating God from the picture. That's true. >> Clearly, the two of you were meant to be together. >> Thank God. And so God continued to push the two of you together because that's what was meant to happen. >> It's so true. And I really genuinely believe if we would have dated at a different time, we would not have landed up together. >> Well, especially before I lost all that. >> No, but even after I was in a very different place. I wasn't looking for a guy like Danny. I was looking for a totally different guy. like not totally different but I I don't think I would have gone for >> we were both in different spaces even a year before. >> So I really trust in God. >> I was I was so different when I dated you. >> Yeah. Wow. I was fully monetary, fully business. >> I like >> I didn't have a like a sense of >> impacting the world or anything like that. I just wanted to make money. That is embarrassing to say. >> It's actually really one of the most honest relatable things that I think many men can relate to. >> Everyone has their stage where they're like, "Okay, this is what I'm doing with my life. I actually chose this." You know what I mean? And I I've had that before. Like I've had that when I was a teenager like okay I really believe in Yiddish. I really chose this for my I'm choosing this for my life and I want it and you know not just because I'm born in it. And I think everyone needs to have that. >> I think also your focus being so much on money like how much would you have focused on like no >> focused on what? No, like if I don't know meaning, purpose, marriage. I don't know. >> What do you mean? >> Like your focus was so much from what it sounds like. I didn't know you what it sounds like. It was just on making money, business, business, business, this, this, this, this, this, entrepreneur, this entrepreneur. Like that's where your brain was at. >> No, marry a beautiful girl, raise a beautiful family, you know, lab and all giving a lot of stuck to, you know, that was that's the like >> whatever >> justifying making you feel good in your head. Okay. giving stuck I'm becoming wealthy stuck which is nice thing and everything but >> more than that for a life. So, what changed from your desire to make money to make meaning? >> Make money and meaning. Make money and meaning. Thank God. >> Um, what changed? >> There was a kid. You don't even know this. >> No. I was like, what? This is a new story. >> Yeah. It was a kid that was a kid in South America and he had he was homeschooled and his parents wanted someone to teach him because he didn't learn any Yiddish. I speak Yiddish at home. So I used to teach him every single day. I used to learn with himba every day or I think a couple times a week and we used to learn a lot and I used to explain it in depth to him and really learn it properly and it really impacted my life. >> Wow, that's crazy. I did not know that. >> Yeah. And then that led to >> that's crazy. >> This is better part that led to me starting to make a weekly espresso para video vlog. Um which led to that Jewish family but >> Oh, thanks to this kid. Well, the of the Reb really like opened my eyes to like really having a purpose in life and really making a difference and like we're so lucky to be, you know, Yidden in this world. Um, we can actually make a difference and just the whole maybe like summing up like what the Reb was about was empowering us to be like the people to bring Mashiach. And for me, >> how can I just let go of that responsibility and just like live a monetary life >> when the Reb empowered us to do everything we can to bring Msiah? >> Wow, >> that's beautiful. >> You never know why God sends you people for opportunities and it can completely change the trajectory of your entire life. >> Yeah. So, if this kid is watching, >> I even forgot your name, but sorry. >> But we learned very nicely. I think we learned very nicely. I and thinking now as I said it, wow, my parents set that up for sure. >> Your parents knowing your parents. Wow. >> So, you know what? >> Cuz I was just like on business calls. I was working like a dog. I I woke up early. I was running. I was exercising and I was working on business calls all day. I was selling million-doll patents and this and real estate. I was going to build a little city in Sweden. And I was, "Oh my gosh, there was so many different I opened the company. I I opened many different things." >> But thank God this little kid in South America. >> Amazing. That's crazy. >> That's amazing. Wow. That's why >> you have to check out Pizza Visa. Making fresh hot pizzas on the spot by their professional chefs indoor or outdoor in their pizza ovens, meat or dairy, plus full catering around the tri-state area and Florida. specializing in events with several hundred people with no lines. You heard right, full menu. You have to check them out on Instagram at pizzaabiza and visit them at pizzabiza.com. Pizza is my favorite food. So, please invite me. Pizza on Instagram and check them out at pizzaabiza.com. These are the people you want to call pizza. I'll see you at my next event. I've been waiting for something like this for the longest time. almost sold out during its first printing. I am so excited to share with you the release of this new book only a few months old and already in its second printing. Asia Kyle, King Solomon's timeless poem. It's not just a song. It's a tribute to the Jewish women across history. This elegant new release by acclaimed author of a Yasi Marcus tells the story of 24 extraordinary Jewish women from Sara and Miriam to Esther and beyond all of them. Each chapter highlights women of strength of wisdom and courage and faith showing how their lives embody the verses of Asia Kyle which you hear every week. It draws in thousands of years of Jewish scholarship with a special emphasis on the insight of the Loava Jerba. It's incredible and it's dedicated in the memory of the women who were stationed at Nahal O killed on October 7th. It's truly a tribute to the Jewish woman of courage across time. Each verse is paired with original artwork by Israeli artist Leah Baratz, really capturing its spirit in striking contemporary form. It's written with so much depth, but it's accessible even for younger readers, making it engaging for teens and adults alike. So, it's an excellent gift if you're a parent or a daughter. It's educational and inspirational, and it's just a tribute to the heart and soul of the Jewish people, specifically the woman of valor who we look up to. So if you have a B mitzvah coming up, a wedding, just a simple opportunity to give a gift, it's available on agentle.com or cahoot.com. Use code mm20 or s20 for 20% off. Again, that's cahoot.com. You can even find it on Amazon and get our exclusive 20% off code with mm20 or s20. You can find more details in the show notes below. But trust me, this is a household item that everybody should have, especially the woman. >> You know, I have a cool story um that includes the rabbi. I'll say it quickly. Yeah. Is that okay? So, I recently did an incredible, incredible interview with Rabbi Ta. And after the interview um I learned that he lived right next to the Reb. I've never gone to the Reba before. So, I went to say hi and I saw everybody writing on their papers and it was midnight and not from a burnt out place, but I just felt like >> I there's a lot if I'm going to start writing everything down there's a lot and I've been here and done that in different ways and I just it wasn't your first time. >> It was my first time at the rebel. >> Oh, it was Yeah. But like writing something out like at the hotel or or or writing out a to give to someone. I said I'm just going to speak from my heart instead of speaking from a place of pressure and pain and expectation. And I went to the Kev >> and I said >> there was a lot going on. It was a very I think we also had a day of interviews here and um sometimes um I don't know if I all right I'm going to say it. Sometimes I'm like, "Okay, this is the last episode." Like, I don't know. I don't think I'm going to do it anymore. I think we're done or I'm done. >> Happy that's not the case. >> I'm happy it's not the case today. I love stories of hope. Um, but um, it can be tough. If I'm here on camera, no one knows if someone broke up with me the night before and no one knows if I have a date that I'm not sure about coming up. There's there's just a lot of >> like I don't know, maybe also some stories could be triggering also, like a word of basis, what you just experienced the day before. I like could imagine. >> Yeah, it can just be a lot. Um, >> it's a lot. >> Regular person trying to do irregular things. So, um, so I went to the OHA and I said, I just want you to give me clarity >> if I should continue doing this or if I should stop because as much as we want to give, as you both know, >> you the best way to give is to give to yourself. 100% >> that's the first place. It can't compromise anything else. >> And so I said, I just want to see clearly. I want to see clearly through Hashem that this is what I'm meant to do. So the next day we had an interview in myish couple come in and I've been waiting for them to come in for the last year. Uh we kept canceling it didn't work out. They were supposed to come into this studio in my um Kaya and Yasi and for some reason it worked out a year later that they were in the Muny studio. It's not in Naki's house cuz that studio is under construction. So I found someone and we went to this specific studio and they start talking and sharing their story and when the cameras are off and we're completely done, the camera guy says, "I can't believe what I just heard." And we turned to him and said, "Huh? What are you talking about?" >> So the episode was about this man, Yasi sharing his personal experience and his wife sharing how she had Crohn's. And from age 16, she was very worried about who would want to marry her and how it would affect her life if she'd be able to have children. And so this man Yasi said, um, I have Crohn's and I'm 23 and for my age group, I'm considered an older single >> and I been dating someone and I just told her last night that I have Crohn's and they said they need to think about it. >> Oh my gosh. And so this man whose name is also Yasi. >> Oh my gosh. >> Said, "Well, I married someone who has Crohn, so you can tell them they can call me and I'm so happy to speak on your behalf. You seem like such a beautiful person. I'm happy to help." And this camera guy named Jesse said, "Um, you know, also something that I always struggled with is working." Because a lot of people say they don't want a man working if it's considered modern. And in the podcast he this man said, "Working guys are are spectacular. You shouldn't look down on them if they're working." >> And um he said, "When you said that, I felt a part of me just finally be at peace." >> So they exchanged numbers and then while I was away, I got a text message from Yesie. I was never invited to Tend in my life and he said, "I'm engaged to that girl. I'd love to invite you to." And I was like, "All right, Hashem, >> still doing the podcast. every nuanced detail to the day >> was clearly reflected in Yahashem that there's a time a place for everything was like showing you what your like what you're stitching together. >> Yes. And I feel like the reb part showed you the fruits of your labor. >> I always ask Hashem to show us the fruits of our labor. So we should be inspired to continue cuz it was hard for many many years. It's still challenging >> and thank God we see the fruits. I think that we that's something that we're blessed from the beginning. Like a lot of people send us messages. >> A lot it's full time very very much so. >> It's just full-time in a very extreme way. So a lot of people message us and these messages like kept us going in the beginning and like people didn't commit suicide. people decided to become from tons of people converting like that's but that's not our objective to convert anyone but they they just happen to be like a lot of people walk over to us on the street and be like >> you know I'm shares because of you and they're like show me their sites I'm like >> unbelievable >> so thank god like seeing the fruits of your labor is something that can really get you >> crazy what a crazy story I have chills for you >> that's a blessing to see your fruits of your labor that's a big blessing >> it is a blessing and and and I I think that the patience part is part of what encourages free will when you don't see the fruits to think like well do I believe in this enough to keep trying even though I'm not getting any satisfaction and I actually want to jump in to ask the two of you when did you well firstly >> what was your first impression of each other when you met cuz that's always fun to hear >> so first my mom convinced me to meet Danny and I was like eh fine I'll go for coffee I was so uninterested >> I thought you wanted to go >> you know the truth No, why didn't Jesse tell you to show you his first impression? >> But I was still like, eh, fine. That's always >> I was like, >> I saw a video. I thought you were cute and everything, but I was just over it. I literally just finished dating someone after 2 months. I was just done. I was like exhausted, whatever. And I was like, fine. And I went out in a bit of a negative space. Like everyone going out, I'm just like that was like how I went out. I remember I was very much looking for problems. I remember like getting dressed. to my friend was like, "Raisel, you shouldn't get dressed up so well because like she already had known I was living with her and she already knew that I was planning to come back and say like, eh, no." Like I went out with that mindset, you know? >> You were so burnt out. So you decide it's over before it even >> My friend was like, "Razel, don't dress so nicely." I remember her telling me like, "Stop. Why are you making your makeup so nice?" I I remember so >> your friend was like, "Don't make him into you because this isn't even going to work." >> It wasn't even fair. Like I remember her telling me that, which is wild. I'm sorry I went out like that. >> Wow. No, but you first of all, you look beautiful. I would have no idea. But >> it's crazy if you think about it, like going back to that concept of positive encouragement and positive, you know, affirmation. >> Yeah. From the mind, it's crazy. So, when I went out with Danny, when I met him, our first date, I was like, absolutely not. My first impression also is very much not who you are as a person. Like, it was very not him. >> He thought I was depressed. >> I Yeah. and he's anything but depressed. He's literally joy. I remember like sitting we went to a date and he was just like sitting there and I was just like the things he was saying I twisted out of >> I twisted everything he said and I stand. Let's do that now. >> Start juggling. >> Seriously, I really judged him >> cuz you also needed a lot to feel motivated to stay. So she was expecting you to be a circus. Yeah, that's what I was saying like before like I just expected to like be like I was like if I'm really going out I just want to be blown away like just it was so ridiculous like honestly ridiculous. >> I wear I wear like tie pants like Right. So >> he Yeah, he Danny usually dress as well. He showed up to the date. >> She she didn't like has baggy pants. >> Okay. He showed up with pants that didn't fit him like he really like I don't know. you showed up and I was like, "What is this guy like super?" You were like speaking >> I always then I always wore striped jackets. I still always wear striped jackets now usually. Um so I was like you know the first day >> might make she might just be like h I don't want to be so edgy. >> I stick out so much. Exactly. Like she might be particular. She be like oh he's a you know people could just jump to conclusions. >> But if you're a kabad you were born to stick out. >> Yeah. Come on. >> No. So, I just wanted to be like, okay, >> safe, >> sure, but sometimes like don't do stupid things, you know? Don't do extra. Like, if you are stupid, I don't think now that would be anything anyone would really notice. >> Okay. I have like >> flashy stripy jackets. >> I guess also he fell in. >> Well, no, he flew into I had was this this this navy suit which was either way not sticking out too much and the pants happened to be a little baggy. Yeah. >> I don't know. Whatever. Whatever the point was, I was like, "No." Like I was just what is this guy? I came home I said he's depressed. He's which is like not Danny like if you know like the extreme opposite. I said you're depressed. I said no. >> Yeah. Like soish for me. Absolutely not. Like I was just >> oh my gosh. I was like >> took my words out of context. >> It took all your words out of context. >> And so what led to this? Cuz this does not happen from a no. >> Well, she said no after the first date. >> And then Danny flew back to Sweden the next morning. Yep. >> And then Yeah. And I was like so done. And then my sister-in-law who I spoke to on >> But one second. I flew back the next day. I went back to Sweden for por. But I flew back knowing that we're going to marry each other. >> No way. >> I knew it's going to be fine. Don't worry. I I reassured myself. >> After the first date of her saying no and rejecting you, you knew you were going to marry each other. >> 100%. I had >> I had that hope in me >> and I knew that it's going to be fine. like, "Okay, it's fine." Like, she's just like, "Whatever." Letting out some steam. >> I'm letting out some steam, >> which is crazy. >> I wasn't worried. You know what I mean? I know I couldn't marry anyone else. >> Crazy. >> And it wasn't going to happen any other way. >> It was just a gut feeling. Everyone feel that. >> No, I trusted a blessing. >> Crazy. It was I didn't let myself like I wasn't heartbroken because >> but it >> I just knew okay fine just okay sure like this was just one of the steps in the beginning. >> It's so crazy. We had such a rocky dating experience. Anyway, so my sister-in-law I spoke to her a lot. I'm close with her and I spoke to her a lot during when I dated everyone. She was like my bouncing board. Um and my mom but my mom already knew that I was done and she wasn't going to push me. Like when she pushed me it got us into friction and she was like you know this is not. So I my sister-in-law was flying when I said no. And then she called me, "How was your date?" I was like, "Eh, I hated it. He's there. He's this. He's that." So she's like, "Okay, and you going out again?" I was like, "No." I said no. She's like, "What do you mean you said no? Like you don't know the guy." I was like, "I'm not interested." She's like, "You don't know him. Like how could you just say no like that? You literally do not know the guy. Like that's so unfair. Even if he came across like as strange as like like you you can't you can't do that. That's not nice. I was like, fine, I'll reach out and I'll say if he's interested, even after I said no to go out, I'll go out one more time. >> So that's what happened. And then there was a whole >> Yeah, but you have to give me you have to give me a chance. >> Yeah. >> Did I said sure, but on condition that you give me a chance. >> So I was like, fine. So >> they already started negotiating. >> Yeah. Negotiation started. So Danny, um, that was very nice of you to be so quick to say yes. Well, >> you wanted Yeah, that makes sense. >> So, Danny flew back and then we went out on a second first date 3 weeks later and I came home and I was like, "No." But I was like, "I can't say no. I He flew across the world. Like, I can't say no like that. I have to give him another chance." So, I went out, we went out again, and it was the second thingy date. And I was still completely like not I was like, "This is not it. I don't even remember why. I don't remember what I know looking back and I I really know that I went out in a space of negativity and I think that's huge. I went out looking for problems. I went out expecting to be swoon off my feet and like looking for like and if not I was like what's wrong with him? I didn't go out thinking what can I give to this relationship? What can I do to make this dating you know like a dating is two people meeting each other not just one person. I didn't go out with that mindset of what can I do to see if I put my energy in how he would react to that because guys, that's how guys are. They react to the woman's energy. That's how they are in relationships and in marriage and everything. But I didn't go out like that. I went out like, okay, how did he stand? How did he clap? How did he dress? How did he this? What did he say? What was the sentence? No. >> Don't make it that bad idea. Come on. >> Make myself feel good. Okay, I'm kidding. I really went out with that. >> Imagine walking into a restaurant. [Laughter] >> Fine. I took everything out of proportion. Like everything. Anyways, that was funny. Um I cry when I laugh. Um but um no I went out with that really negative space and I remember um by the fourth date. I guess this was the third or fourth or whatever. I was like I'm so not into this. And the funny thing was that all my questions and issues always came after the date. During the date >> during the date she was all fine. >> During the date I was fine. I I was still looking for negativity and everything but me myself like I I wasn't like count like I I was having a nice time but in my head I was like what's wrong with him? what's wrong with him? What's wrong with him? But I was I wasn't not enjoying. And then I would come home and have all these like and I remember speaking to my sister-in-law's mom who I was I used to go to the house a lot cuz they lived in Crown Heights and she was like I was like telling her she's like so end it. And then I was like yeah but when I'm out this so she's like so go out and end it. Go out end it. Go out. Like I was just so confused and whatever. So by the fourth date I was like I'm going to say no yes no yes no. And I was like fine I'll give him another chance. There was a lot of other chances until then something happened and we kicked off um for a little bit. Yeah. >> Oh, that's what happened. We spoke to a marriage coach. >> So >> that's what we actually went to marriage. Not dating therapy. >> I felt like whenever she dated, whenever we were on a date, >> everything was literally cloud9. >> Perfect. Literally. >> It was a good time. >> We had a great time. Everything. We thought we're marrying each other tomorrow potentially like without proposing or anything just like everything is like really good. >> Yeah. >> But then the moment she goes home >> chaos chaos >> and also she would tell me she would tell me that the next day. She would tell me that the next day everything was fine but then when I went home >> just my mind is just like >> fear. I had a lot of fear around my heart. A lot of blockages a lot of fear. So then my something my you Danny I think initi you initiated that we speak to someone >> Danny and this was like >> no I don't know if I initiated it. >> No. Oh maybe my mom or my sister in my sister-in-law. So we spoke to like >> we had I pro I promise you like imagine a marriage co therapy. We went to dating and we weren't even dating long. We may be dated at this point maybe 2 weeks like which is crazy if you think about it. And we literally sat in front of a lady for three hours. >> She's very nice. Like >> it was very sweet. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I'm saying we sat in front of her for three hours. >> She really cleared clear the dust. >> Therapy. >> What? Can I ask what the dust was? >> What you say? >> I don't remember. >> She said has just confirmation bias. She like concludes in her mind >> from the beginning that I was controlling. That was her thing in her head that I was controlling. >> She decided that Well, >> he's really not. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. I'm saying. Thank God. >> Not at all. >> Cuz cuz I walk like there was a guy like hosing the >> I'm I'm not going to >> No, he's not. This is embarrassing. >> This is embarrassing. This >> is my moment. Okay. One second. There was a guy with a power hose power hosing the sidewalk. >> Okay. >> And I was on I was on the right side. Raisel was on the left side. So I switched to the left side and that Razel shouldn't get wet. Of course, very helpful. Very sweet. Very manual. Manly. >> She goes back after the date. >> He's so controlling. He didn't want to block me from the guy. You shouldn't spritz me. >> I don't know how I twisted it. >> I feel like it was confirmation bias. It was rejection bias. And it's so clear because >> No, because everything else that happened, she would be like, "Well, this is also controlling and this is also controlling and this is also controlling." >> She was looking for a reason for it not to work. really rejection bias is a good way to 100% what happens with dating which is why it's such a bizarre experience. Your brain teaches you how to protect yourself in order for you to survive. Yeah. So when it comes to dating, when a woman experiences >> survive, you can't survive without me. >> No, that's how the brain works. That's how the brain works. >> When a person is dating and they get rejected or a person is dating and they're misled or they're lied to, the brain starts to say, "Well, be cautious because maybe with this person dot dot dot." And the series of unfortunate events is that you're trying to be open, but from experience, you learned I need to be closed. And if something is good, it can't be good because from my years of experience, I've always been taught to be disappointed and to be weary that something bad's about to happen. And so it's almost almost impossible if you're eliminating God from the picture >> to be able to make a relationship successful because your brain teaches you it's not an option. And that's why it's so important to include Hashem in the equation so well which is reflected in your story of like >> but if it's meant to be through growth and through hard work. >> Yeah, >> it will happen. Yeah, that's said so well. >> Same thing in business also like a lot of people are struggling with money. >> It's because they're struggling for so many years. They're struggling struggling struggling. It's impossible I can make it. It's impossible that this deal will pull through. >> So they have that attitude. And unfortunately, people have that same concept in dating like >> not going to happen like and know it's not going to happen. They make sure it's not going to happen like subconsciously they're just going to do things right. >> Yeah. I remember saying with this and it's not their fault. No. Yeah. It's not your fault. >> It's about finding the reasons and pay to them. >> I think it's really it's about finding what those blockages are. What is blocking you? What is it that's making you act like this? It's really digging deep. So, we had this lady and I just want to say how it should be normalized because we would not be married if not for going and literally sitting with a marriage therapist. >> Was that Yeah. Was that that's right without sitting across from her for she gave us maybe 3 hours >> and I think >> Yeah, we sat there for 3 hours and I think um >> she said you guys are walking in as if you're married for 10 years already. >> Yeah, literally. >> But we did. That's how it was because there was just >> there was so much >> everything else worked out so nicely but then there was like this like >> underlying luck. >> Yeah. Like this massive >> I thought I told her before oh my gosh so much. Wow. It's crazy. Now I'm just thinking about it. I'm remembering. I remember telling her like >> and then he buys sushi and instead of buying two rolls he buys like 10 rolls. Like makes no sense. Like I was really biased bias bias bias. So I told her maybe he's narcissistic. Like literally like which >> no grandiosis cuz I bought >> Yeah, cuz he bought so much. So because of that then he's like I was making up such garbage. >> I was bringing I was bringing 10 rolls cuz two rolls three rolls for me, three rolls for her but then she might not flavor. >> No, she might not like the flavors. >> I know. I remember you telling me and I didn't He did good. You did good. This was me. This was me. Let's be real. This was my issues I needed to deal with. But I do want to normalize the fact that we had someone and a lot of people could be scared of that. A lot of people could be scared of like but he's just not for me. like, "What do I need a coach? What do I need to speak to someone for?" Like, like >> being open to the fact that, you know, there's no one path of how you're going to meet your husband. There's no one path of the perfect way to date. There's no one there's nothing that is exactly the same for anyone. And just cuz something's not typical, there's no reason you can't try it, you know? And I think some people could be so caught up like, "Oh, but I've never heard anyone who's done that. That's so irregular. I'm not doing that." No, no, no, >> no. Sometimes irregular is going to bring you the blessings. You know, >> if you've ever wanted something more than anything in the world, then you've probably tried a sigula or two. And if you're anything like me, then you've been dejected and disappointed when it seems like it didn't work. And that's why I love this organization called better than a sigoula. Like their name, we learn on some Torah in sigula ctor. There is no better sigula than Torah study. What this organization does is they have a group of Torah scholars that will learn something on your behalf in the zus of what you want. And even better, the entire process is personalized. They can study a certain doaf in the gumra for 40 days. Whatever you want, whatever speaks to your heart, whatever you connect to, you can let them know. So, if this is something that you would find supportive, inspiring, and encouraging, you can contact them by either clicking the show notes below or take out your phone and call them at 7323647029. That's better than a sigoula.org. Better than a sigoula, an organization that's there to support you in the way that they know how to and in the way that they can. You know what else I'm hearing from you? I'm hearing that I don't know was there I don't know if there was a matchmaker you spoke to, but it sounds like no one encouraged you to make a rash decision immediately. I find that people crave black and white. Oh, he did that. He's not. >> But there was so much curiosity to explore, to try again. >> And I think that there's so little information to work with in trying to make such a big decision. So quickly, like you mentioned, if you were going to make an investment deal and it was a $10 million dealion, you wouldn't you wouldn't immediately say, "Oh, I didn't like the way he folded his napkin, so he's out." You would be like, "Well, there's so much potential. Let me >> let's try to make it work out." >> Yeah. And I definitely Yeah, I would encourage people to honor their gut. >> Let's think of that ending for a second. Let's try to make it work out. >> If a billion dollars, you want the billion dollars, right? >> Right. as as much as you can and you're not going to say he folded the napkin like that. >> Yeah. But at the same time sometimes >> you have to crave it and and really see it as >> so how are you how are you so patient with Raisel? How are you so patient with Raisel? Because it's natural for a man to say, you know what, this woman is nocs that my mother's been pushing towards me. Why? Like what motivated you? >> What motivated me to say? >> I wanted to raise up from the beginning. >> No, you're very sweet. Danny's a very patient guy. I could learn a lot. >> I I don't know. I asked him the same thing the whole time. I was like, how are you so patient? >> I knew >> you knew. >> I I knew she'll figure it out. She just We just need to work this out and work this out. Figure it out. I know that hard things don't come just like that. Money doesn't grow on a tree. And sometimes you got to fight for things and wait for it. And >> yeah, >> you can't just expect things to just fall in your lap, especially the most important thing in your life, >> right? >> And sometimes it could take time. Some people wait for many years. Uh some people just got to have a real struggy engagement or dating. And we had both. >> We had both. >> I nearly never married him the day before the wedding. >> What' you say? Yeah, you heard right. >> Say it again. >> I nearly never married him the day before the wedding. >> Well, we also dated. We also dated so after this after we >> But about the patience thing about the patience things, you get so much credit for that. >> Thank you. >> No, really. I drove him crazy and I don't know how he stuck it through. I remember saying like how why are you so patient with me? I don't understand. Like >> Well, I was just trying to understand where she's coming from. She's probably f and >> Well, you know what? I love what I'm hearing. And for any guy listening, um being patient can very well be worth it. >> Yeah. >> And something >> it's not about thinking big. People say think big about thinking long. >> You know what I mean? >> In the span of life, I'm not going to wait a month, two months. Are the right person? Yeah, that's really be also like I feel like some guys are so quick to be like, "Gh, she's too many blockages, too many things to deal with. Goodbye." >> Yeah. People could say, "Oh, think big. There could be other girls out there." >> Yeah. >> This could be your gem. No. Like, this could be your gem. Like, you have a beautiful person in front of you and you're just going to throw it like that because you have to wait. The truth is, even as I asked the question, I was like, "Well, obviously I know why he waited for you. You're a superstar. You're a superstar. Even if you tried to dull your your sparkle, you wouldn't be able to. >> That's very kind. No, but I kept asking him the same question. Like, I don't get why why are you dating me? Be like, why are you still going out with me? I don't get it. >> So, can I ask what happened the day before the wedding? >> Boost your confidence forever, Razel. Just the fact that >> you're very despite all that. >> I know. I know. It's very sweet. Anyway, so we had a our dating was very rocky. >> Then we went to Florida. >> Then we went to Florida. Danny proposed to me. Yeah, we did it in the dating in Florida was spectacular. No issues because she wasn't going back home and to her friends. >> I think that was the issue. I think I was in a different space. >> You know, sometimes you just have to change your environment and not because something's negative in the environment you're in, but sometimes your brain needs to just like >> like new space, new I think that's really that's all it was. Maybe this is a good advice for people dating and like you know it's a struggle. Maybe just and you think maybe this is the one but it's so hard. Maybe go to Florida for a week >> or Yeah. Like >> fresh start. >> Fresh. It kind of gave it like a little bit of a fresh kick and we had an amazing time there. Thank god. And Danny proposed and I said yes >> and then um >> I remember >> what it was just really nice. It was it was beautiful. It was really nice. I remember saying yes. And then the next day, literally the next day, I flew out to Ukraine to do pesak in Ukraine for orphanage, like to be a counselor. >> It wasn't Tikva. I don't remember the name though. >> Something I don't remember the name of it, which is terrible. >> I don't know. Anyhow, I went Ukraine and I freaked out. I was like, what did I do? Oh my god. What did I do? I can't believe this. I don't know the guy. And then all the questions and all the insecurities. >> We wrote to the rabbi. So we didn't go to the oil because she had to go to Ukraine. So we wrote outside the shooting range. We weren't shooting together. >> So we ride upon we wrote a pond together. We called our families and everything. And we weren't we were engaged. We just didn't write to the rebro. We just didn't go to the oil yet. >> So thank God it wasn't public. And I think that saved me mentally. >> It wasn't public. It was like we wrote to the Reba. I said yes. our families. We called our grandparents, our siblings, our everything. Shucks. >> And after after Pes, we're going to go to the oil and make it public for everyone. But between us, we were engaged. >> Yeah. They were discussing the and the holes and the flowers and this and okay, the date was set for the hole and everything was like, "Ah." And I was like, "I can't do this." >> And I was like, "I'm done. I'm not I'm not coming back." >> She found the jack button and pressed it. >> Yeah, that's what happened. So, I told Danny basically, "No, I I'm happy to keep dating you, but this engaged thing is freaking me out. So, sorry." >> Yeah, we're not engaged. We're sorry. >> And then I was like, "Let's continue dating." >> Okay, sure. It wasn't like I'm saying, "Yeah, you were sweet about it. You're actually really nice about it. Take your time." It was hard. It was hard. >> But I knew like I wasn't actually worried. Thank God. >> Then what happened in really quick? What happened with Pini? I forgot. So then Razel was again coming up with like oh I don't know whatever this and that. So I said you know what I'm actually done. >> Yeah. And the coach even told us stop speaking like it's take a break. >> Take a break. >> Yeah. I called her back. >> We called her back and we took the break and we continued dating. >> No, we took the break and you were like that's it. I'm coming back to her and I'm saying this is too much for me. I actually decided at that moment I remember I was in baby's apartment. Um I said, "You know what? It's too much. I don't think I don't think this could work out." I didn't say it fullheartedly. I didn't actually >> You didn't tell me. You told my sister-in-law. Remember? >> I had a call with I was saying I was a wrestling fish. I remember. So I was calling Yeah. I spoke to Leia and I was like, "I don't think it's Yeah, I don't think it's happening." like probably not. But in my heart, I knew it was going to work out. Like this is just one of the steps that have to be done. >> He's like, I'm ending it. Anyways, we came back from that break. We met up and it was Pesi that night and I had written down a whole letter and like I don't know. >> And in Pesi has a very strong significance. It signifies >> second chances because everyone everyone has a second chance >> and beautiful. >> Yeah, it's crazy that it was like aligned. I know it was so aligned. >> Um, >> but we just realized >> we realized that after the fact even like later that I don't know after >> cuz sometimes you have to not have something to realize how much it fills you up. You can't notice what you have until you don't have it >> 100%. So >> yeah, it's >> not like playing hard to get, but sometimes you have to like shake up someone to remind them like, "Okay, so I should leave, right?" And they'll be like, "No, no, no, no, no. Don't leave." But that's basically what happened. I walked in to that date. >> You had no idea. I had >> I was going to inform her that >> you can't anymore. >> It's not working out. I you should part ways or whatever. >> And there she goes. And she passes me a whole apology letter and >> a whole long beautiful letter. >> And then after I read the letter, I said, "Actually, I was coming here to tell you that we're not going to continue." Well, I'm not continuing. You can do whatever the hell you want. >> Continue if you're not continuing. Anyways, but thank God. And from there it was >> after I read that letter I saw how sincere she was about like >> I really liked Danny. That's the thing I had a hard time with all these like the fear. The fear the fear really got me was the fear. >> Yeah. >> I think people should also like normalize maybe >> taking a dating coach like I think like if we would have a dating coach through to land even then it would have helped a lot. We had by the end there by the break pot. She told us to take a break. >> Whatever. She She say Yeah, she did. >> Correct. She saved our engagement. >> Yeah. Anyway, so then thank God we got engaged and everything. Um beautiful muzzle top. Woohoo. And then we were engaged for 3 months and I was in New York. Danny was in Sweden. I actually flew to Sweden for >> Swedish engagement party which was beautiful. And we had we had an amazing romantic time of like >> it was so beautiful. And then I flew back to New York and I didn't see him. I then I went to Australia and I didn't see the guy for two and a half months. >> She forgot about me. >> Literally, you can imagine all my fear recoming. >> Yeah. Everything back two and a half. >> It's crazy cuz fear is real. Just like >> and FaceTime did not cut it for me. When I would face someone, I was like, "Who is he?" I would freak out. I'd be like, "Who am I speaking to? Who is this guy?" And everything just came straight back. I didn't see him. So, it was really tough. And then I was like, "Okay, p like it's fine. Push through. Push through." And I kept on telling myself, remind yourself how you felt in Sweden. remind yourself how you felt and I just like remind yourself like have and now I like tell when I the people that I'm close with that are dating I always tell them like >> write down how you're feeling >> because like it's so once the brain switches on if you have anything just write down know how you were feeling in the moment when you're with the person >> like write it down because like I that's what I kept on pushing myself back on write it down write it down but it wasn't enough >> I could not and it was 10 days before the wedding I still didn't have a wedding dress long story >> I know and I was in a wedding store, a dress store, and I found a dress and I was like, "Amazing." And then I spoke to Danny on the phone. And >> should I get the wedding dress or not? That was the question. >> My heart kind of hurts a little bit. My heart hurts a lot for Danny when I say this. I'm like, I should like dig a hole and bury myself in it cuz I was really horrible to you. I'm really sorry. >> She was about to swipe 5K. So >> yeah, what a Yeah. And I remember speaking to him on the phone and freaking out again. And I was like, um, I walked out without the dress. And this was 10 days before the wedding. And he was flying to Australia in a couple of days. And I walked out without it. And I was like, "I'm I don't know. I don't know about this." And poor Danny was like crying his eyes out like, "What is happening? I can't do this anymore." >> I don't think I ever really cried about that. Or maybe >> you on the way to Australia. You said >> that was the hardest slide of my life. I remember I stopped in New Delhi. I filmed an espresso para episode on the stopover. >> Oh wow. >> And then I >> I only told my sister Kava. Um that's the only person I told that all this was happening. I didn't want to scare my parents. >> They were so happy. I didn't want >> and I was hoping >> but I I wasn't again I wasn't really worried like >> it was just hard. It was but I knew the moment I see her she'll be fine. Um, I didn't Yeah, I I was anxious. So anxious, so scared, so like and for nothing. There was no logical reason. It was really just like it was just so much fear. I don't know. Anyway, um, so I didn't get the dress and then I think the next day I went back and I was like, "Okay, I'm buying it." Like I I don't know what switched. I was like, "Okay, fine. I'm going to buy it." And then he's like, "Graz, do I take this flight to Australia or not? Because I'm not flying to Australia for you to break up with me like the day before the wedding. like I'm not doing this and I was like fine take it and I remember like it was like more fine wasn't I was like fine take it and we'll speak when we get here like that was more like the >> what >> the flight remember? >> Oh yeah. Yeah. >> Gosh. And then the we met and I was fine obviously until the day before the wedding. >> So what do you think that fear was his absence? So your brain convoluted a different story cuz you were just scared to make the wrong choice. >> I think it's just I don't know. Oh, I like always try and like I really should do a lot of I should do like a lot of um breath work for this like on specifically on this topic >> cuz I don't I cannot I can't pinpoint exactly what it was that gave me so much anxiety and fear but I think it's such a big I was young 22 I got married at 22 it's really young so much of like what if what if this is not it what if this my brain was just wired to think the negative like at that point and I see it like as person. As I've evolved, I've switched my brain a lot to like >> Yeah, you're a very positive person. >> I wasn't negative back then. I would just look at things maybe like what's wrong instead of But I wasn't a negative person, which is >> maybe just in reference to this part of your life. >> Maybe you just Yeah, I think more in decisions. Very bad decision. >> In reference to dating. >> Yeah. I was just so like Yeah. >> Yeah. But you still can't make decisions. >> Yeah. I'm not good at decisions. Fine. I I admit to that, but not from a negative space. Just indecisiveness. like just like my brain >> and so what would you tell someone who's experiencing that fear? >> It was so hard. My gosh, it was crazy. It was so hard. It's the day before the wedding. I remember balling my eyes out and being with my family being like, "Do I do I marry this guy?" And I couldn't even We weren't even speaking. I couldn't call Danny. I couldn't speak to him at this point. Like, we had met up once he arrived and I saw him and I was like, "I'm excited. I love like I I was I loved being with him." And I was like the day before the wedding, I was like, "What do I this? This is crazy. Um, what do I tell someone? It's It's crazy. I think looking back what I probably would have done and I think like it was only it wasn't so long ago technically. It's not like this was 20 years ago, you know, but I think I probably definitely would have maybe spoken to someone or like done some sort of healing of some sort to access why I'm feeling that fear and release it, you know? Like I think of this with child birth. My first two child births were very different to my third one. And that's because my third one I accessed the point that I was feeling fear. I did um meditation on it. I did hypnoirthing for it. And I really released that point of fear and I had the most >> you know incredible thing god beautiful birth and I saw that difference. I think like like obviously everyone was supportive and like speaking to me and everything, but I think maybe more of that inner like security and inner work and inner um comfort maybe >> um would have probably helped me. Um but I did know I knew that Danny was the right one. There was nothing that was it. I knew it was him >> which is why like even though I was crying the night before like do I marry him? Do I not? the poor guy. Like I I I took him through absolute hell and back and I don't know how he like actually got to the point of marrying me. Like how you were so patient and kind. I knew he was it. It was just that >> some things are worth waiting for. >> And how long have the two of you been married for? >> Thank god we just had our sixth anniversary. >> We celebrated in in Charminik in France. >> Thank God. >> It was really romantic. We went on we we decided that we're going to take the kids >> instead of putting them to sleep in the Airbnb >> cuz we had no babysitter. >> We had no babysitter. So, we're going to take them on a walk. >> No, fall asleep >> in the beautiful little village with full of bars and cafes. >> So, we did that >> and they fell asleep >> and then Ray also decided to fall asleep. >> So, we went back home. >> It's not a joke. I like it not a joke but >> and last year it's not like last year. It's not like last year cuz last year we went we decided to go to Dumbo. >> We're local. >> Yeah, we're local. >> 9 months pregnant. There's a pretext. >> Don't ruin it. >> Months pregnant. >> I raised the first come out of the Uber. Ra said, "Oh, let's sit on this bench." So I said, "Oh, sure. Sit on the bench." Raise a puzzle. I order Uber back. >> God. Listen, you guys, you guys burst hard and you party hard and you love hard. >> Thank God. So, thank God >> when there's a break just to reflect out. >> She's like, I'mma be busy. >> I know months pregnant. >> Even if we weren't 9 months pregnant about it, >> he's like, sure, >> it's okay. Well, you know, I want to kind of end on a cool note of I want to hear from the two of you >> as two people who model so much beauty in Judaism, in relationships, in lifestyle. What marriage advice would you give to anyone listening who's married and for people that are going to, God willing, get married? Very often people can't work with their spouse. Um, they can't spend so much time with their spouse. >> Definitely. And you guys are together all the time. >> We work all day together. >> All the time. >> Yes. >> All the time. >> So, what ad h how Well, I guess my first question is how does that work for the two of you? And is there ever a time when it doesn't work? >> You want to go first? >> Thank God it works great. >> Thank God it's >> Well, I love it. I for myself. >> I know. Thank God Hashem. I think in the beginning like no spending full time and I'll be like oh like >> in Israel >> what we had in the beginning >> no when especially when we started traveling and everything >> like we just make sure like go on a walk something just to have a little break each other like a small little even if it's like 5 or 10 minutes like just to miss each other for a little bit you know. >> Yeah. Um >> cuz when you work with each other, you could be like you have to remind yourself sometimes like you have a life. You know what I mean? You're a spouse. >> And also there's different roles. Like right now you may be my coworker but you're still my wife. >> You're still my husband. >> Yeah. >> So I feel like there's those are very different roles. You're my partner >> in life and you're my partner in business. They require different relationships. >> Yeah. But we everything is very intertwined in our channel. Our our channel is a family channel. So that helps it a lot. Yeah, >> it's just it's just us, right? It's just us just being us, right? You don't have to reinvent no wheels. You don't have to go on any stage. You don't have to make up anything. You just film our life and oh this thought or that thought or this thing >> we just happen to be here or happen to be there. >> So we have fun like when we work right like let's say >> except when it comes to the technical stuff. >> Well, that fine. Yeah, >> that's that's >> that's a play. No, I'm saying like the editing and the this and that. Sometimes it could be a lot and this and also it could be like sometimes you like speak to each other like why didn't you do this d like a little snappy and then it's like hang on a second. No, that's not how we speak to each other. Like we're not we're not we're husband about it. So you have to be mindful. You have to >> but we can go out. We make sure also to like go to cafes and have fun and not just like make it boring, >> right? Yeah. Like to work. Which advice would you give? >> You want to go then think? >> I'm taking notes. I I I would say I think having the values of Yiddish in your marriage is very overlooked and people commonly um would look outwards and see well what a marriage is like oh open television open this open that and see what marriage is like thank god we're blessed with the Torah and the values of marriage are definitely defin I grew up in Sweden so I can say that I know what people live like and in Sweden the divorce rate is like 60%. >> People cheat galore. Um they're all friends. They all touch each other. They touch each other. It's a big problem especially for men. Like it creates sparks. Touching creates sparks. >> Um they go on runs together. Like I remember like my neighbor going on a run with a a girl. Well, he's married. They're married. But they're they're like going on a run together. Uh >> oh. So, but that's normal because it's just the society. But we have to remind ourselves that society changes every few years. This is normal. But then it wasn't it's not going to be like they just changed the whole time and we have everlasting Torah. So the values of Torah really really give the guidance to what a Jewish >> values would you say? First of all, >> means just, you know, respecting each other, valuing each other. Um, putting the other first. That's that's that's Jewish values of love. You don't love loving each other doesn't mean that you go for any go for yourself because I think the rest of the world thinks that the love just means you want to have that. >> How do I feel? >> How do I feel? giving me the spark. >> No, no. They just walk around saying, "Okay, how do I feel? Okay, do I feel good now? Okay, good. Great. >> I don't feel good now. Okay, it's not for me." Love in Judaism is about giving. And the more you give, the more love evolves. And you really have to realize that we have a whole toolbox of values. all these you know perky Mishnayas all these different like sayings in Yiddish really really all break down into marriage and they all keep marriage is so beautiful and besides for putting each other first and like thinking okay what's in it for them how can I give to the marriage how can I add to the marriage how can I give to my spouse how can I put her before me >> I would say we actually made a real about it was it posted I don't know if it was posted about to post waiting for you to watch it >> to watch it to go through it. Um I'll do that. Um I was going to say that I think you know we learn in Tanya that the number one issue of man not issue but the number thing we have to work on is not having ego >> and I think in a marriage that's like Danny was saying we speaking about this the other day he was saying I watch these podcasts where they all say ego is good. Ego is important. It's no they say it's important to have a good ego because in the non-Jewish world it's it's important to have it's important to have a good ego a healthy ego but once you open go on >> I was going to say and it's like Danny we were discussing this she's like it's not ego yeah self-esteem but not ego because ego is the minute you put ego in the marriage it all fails you know any argument you have yeah you could have a point and he could have a point and even if you don't end up agreeing if ego's in between of that like agreeing to disagree or finding that barrier or or you know seeing each other's side, you're never going to see another side. And then each argument is going to add and add and spiral and spiral and spiral and spiral. When you take that ego away, that's when you could be open to seeing the other person because marriage is about seeing the other person. And you'll be seen like you'll be like it's it's it's both. You see the other person and you'll be seen as well. like it'll just create a harmony. Yeah, it's fascinating because you think that you are suffering and giving up your ego and the reality is you're only further connecting and deepening and strengthening the relationship and to anyone who's listening it's not natural but when you notice it happening that's the time where you could suspend >> ego >> and think okay well what's I think the important question which I'm hearing from both of you is what's my goal my goal is harmony and peace that means I need to suspend my instinct, my needs, my belief, and think, well, what's important? I want peace. And if this is what she needs, this is what he needs. Doesn't matter about who's right or wrong. >> For sure. And also, obviously, your needs need to be expressed, too. Because if you feel like coming your own needs, then you're just going to feel >> like what's this marriage like? Where am I? Which not in an egotistical sense, but >> ah, there it goes. That's our divine. >> That's our Q. I could just finish off what I was trying to say, but whatever. >> Can I hold him for the last 3 seconds? >> Can I hold him? >> Yes, I can. >> Hi, >> Red and Po. >> And this is your life. So, welcome to your first mic. >> Hello, it's not his first. >> Hello. >> It's a divine world. It's a divine. We have to remind ourselves sometimes that it's a divine world. Hashem created this world in his divine image. And we could be so distracted sometimes and think, "Wow, this world is so physical and there's this, there's money, there's that, and there's a whole world and and we're just this little." Hashem created this world with the intention of you existing in it. But not for you to take all the credit, not for you to have your ego built up. Hashem wants you to have BL humility and knowing that Hashem created the world and he put you in this as a playing part and so did he put your spouse in it as a playing part and you humil the humility comes from recognizing Hashem you recognize that Hashem is the main player and you're just his servant and once you recognize that once you realize that then you can understand that it's important to have a healthy self-esteem and then your marriage I think will also fall fall in its best space. M beautiful. >> That's beautiful. >> That's so nice. Well, thanks. >> I feel like we could have a season 1, season 2, and season 3, but for now, it looks like >> Thank you. >> That's a wrap. >> That's a wrap for coming in. Thank you for having us. >> How fun was that? We really wanted to keep the cameras going, but it's a busy day and Razel and Danny had to go pick up their kids from school, but I feel like there were so many important lessons and I want to hear your favorite one. So, please let me know in the comments section below what stuck out for you in their story, in watching their dynamic, in learning from Danny and Razel because they really took the time out of their day. And I know this isn't Africa. I know our studio is not located in Costa Rica, but they made it their priority to come in simply to share with you. So, let them know how much it meant by simply leaving a comment below in the comment section. It means the world to them. And I always tell you, it really means the world to me. If you have any guests ideas, if you have any feedback, if there's something else you want to see, you know what to do. Let us know by sending us an email at smeanfulminut.org. If you just want to see more, you can find us on sus. And if you just want to contribute and you want more people to hear more of our content and you want to help and become a part of it, let me know. I want to connect to you. You can reach out to me at smefulminut.org. Can't wait to hear from you. See you next week.