She QUIT teaching | Letter #1 of 30 Letters in 30 Days

bashem we are back with 30 letters in 30 days for another cycle we've done this twice before uh three year three years ago two years ago yeah and then not a year ago last year I didn't do it and the past year I just didn't stop hearing complaints from people were saying what happened to 30 LS in 30 days you got to do it again so I got tired of the complaints and here we are again okay so basically for those of you who are doing this for the first time or those of you who did it before but you don't remember the premise 30 days and 30 letters in 30 days is 30 letters letters that the laab chba wrote in response to various different people about various different things that are printed in The igis KES that's the multiv volume set of printed letters from the Reb uh in 30 days which 30 days the 30 days before yod alof Nissen which is the Deb's birthday we study a letter every night as a preparation for the Deb's birthday um so if you're interested in some of the background about how these letters were compiled and how they were brought to publication I'm not going to talk about that history tonight I've done that before you can go back in the archives whatever platform you're watching or listening on right now just go back to the first couple of classes from three years ago and in the first couple of classes I did a little history at the beginning of class one and class two and filled in some of the background about how the igus came to be but I'm I'm not going to do that uh this time uh I'm just going to jump into the first letter and I'm not even going to give you background about the letter because the context will be become pretty clear as we go uh this is from volume 20 of the igis it's letter 7,556 and here we go Brooklyn by the grace of God the first day ofat that means 5721 that's the spring of 1961 Brooklyn bless blessings and greetings as I've mentioned before means that is writing to a woman Shalom is to a man because um it's not considered modest for a man to give Shalom to give a greeting to a woman so for a woman she gets the the salutation BR and then shom um but not shom and then uh in answer to her letter but I'll literally it's to her letter which is the formal way of writing in the third person in Hebrew I'm just going to say to your letter that's when I translate in English I'll just say it in the second person also uh I'm not going to follow the English translation inside because it'll just be cumbersome for me to flip between the two columns um what what am I referring to there's a PDF um if you're not looking at the PDF uh well if you're on soulwords dorg the simplest thing is just to look at the bottom of the video player and you should see a place to download a PDF if you're watching somewhere else uh yeah you got to get a hold of our PDF um maybe send us an email at info soulwords dorg oh also if you have a letter that you would like to study over the next 30 days a letter from the egis also you can let us know at info soulwords dorg okay so again I'm not going to translate exactly I'm not going to read the English translation here it's here for your um if you want to look at it afterwards but I'm just going to sort of translate as I go because it'll just be smoother and easier but m an answer to your letter where you write about your state of mind and your the problems that have Arisen in your class okay so who's that I be writing to a teacher she has a class and apparently she has some problems in her class and apparently it's affected her mat her state of mind so there's a teacher who's having some problems in class that are leading to some some type of emotional issue okay that's pretty clear right from what we read all right and because of that you have quit your job in teaching whoa and you ask my opinion about this stop I want to ask you a question if you've done 30 letters in 30 days with us before or if you're familiar with the deba letter letters you should be able to answer this question if you haven't then I hope that by maybe a week or two into this journey you will be be able to answer this question the an the question I would like you to answer is you don't have to tell me what you think that E's going to answer but do you think that EBA is going to just tell her oh you quit teaching yeah no problem that's fine okay we all know that theb is not GNA just let somebody quit something especially something holy like teaching the question is how is the deban not going to let her quit I mean we expect some compassion we expect some type of validation for her struggles and you know how the Reb is going to manage to do both to basically keep her teaching but also you know be be nice about it be be empathetic about it yeah that's the fun of of uh learning igas let's let's see how the de answers okay in my opinion the reason for her mood are three-fold okay so that is going to give three reasons why she's not feeling well why she's uh sad all right Olive in other words Le let's use the term that I think is more popular today a teacher is feeling despondent discouraged to the point of quitting we call that what's the word we use burnout right okay teacher burnout fine so that says I think there are three reasons here why you came to this point of burnout all right alive for some reason that really only someone in your place could know meaning I don't know the exact reason but for some reason you're extra tired with your work extra tired meaning this at least it implies to me there's a certain level of being tired with any job especially with teaching that's to be expected but you are you're extra tired in combination with some other factor and the says in parenthesis you know it's not really certain what that other factor is but it could be some you know burdens in your home in the household something else similar to that that's tiring out your body okay so first things first the rebba says I think that you're tired like you're you're overworked there's something going on that's causing you to be extra tired with your job more tired than normal and that's also compounded by something else that's going on in your life probably something in your home and it's sort of like stacking up and yeah you're tired you're physically worn out says that exhausts your body you're physically worn down okay so that's first of all that's part of why you're feeling burned out base it seems you got a class that's a little bit higher than what you estimated meaning higher level learning or one that's a little bit higher than what you should be dealing with at the beginning of your teaching on your own I don't know if she used to be a teacher's assistant now this is the first time she's had her own class but that is saying you know this might be just the the class level may be more challenging than what you expected and and not really what you're suited for at this stage meaning you you'll get there but you know you're starting out now and it might be a little bit Advanced for you so that's the second reason all right first reason is you're physically tired for for for whatever reason because you got stuff going on in maybe at home that's wearing you down physically that's one thing two is I think the class that you got assigned to is a little bit more challenging than what you were ready for uh and three now this is the longest one in accordance what with what is written in the Holy tadik most people are not on the level of tadik now inad doesn't just mean a good guy now we use the term oh you're aad you know we use it uh the sh is the AL calls it but sadik in in in t means somebody who has no Yar he has no Yar now we know that most people are not sikim they don't not have a they do have a which means there's still place the to try to entice them one of the effective strategies of the and therefore especially dear to him very interesting the yahar has a job like anyone he wants to do his job well um so he's going to use the tactics that are the most effective and when he finds a tactic is effective he's going to favor that he's gonna he's going to like using it so here's one of the favorite tactics of The Who to get a person to be sad to get a person to be uh despondent that's one of his favorite tactics he likes to make people depressed he likes to bring them down emotionally because then they're vulnerable then they'll listen to all types of foolishness all right I'm sorry and he stands on guard meaning he's watching and to uh search out a propitious time propitious for him for the when a person is tired that then when the person's tired it's easier for the yah to bring the person down emotionally okay you follow that so the yah one of his favorite tactics is to bring a person down emotionally to make them feel blah you know because then the person is going to be morally weakened and that's the A's job is to make people make poor moral choices okay now the aah doesn't just come up to a person on a in a normal situation and start trying to make them depressed no the yahut is smart about it he waits until a person is physically tired and that's when he comes in and he starts wearing away at a person emotionally and tries to make them depressed you ever heard of halt halt stop right sometimes you got to stop and you got to ask yourself halt h a l t that's hungry angry lonely tired because when you're hungry angry lonely tired um then you're more vulnerable to poor decision- making so the I was talking about the Tea of halt when a person is tired punch it physically tired that is a Time the ITA will take advantage so basically what the I says three things one is you have some extra burdens in your life right now that are physically wearing you out out that's one thing two is your class is a little more challenging than what you were ready for three is the yah has taken advantage of your physical tiredness to come in and bring you down emotionally which is one of the things thear loves to do okay from the above it's understood my opinion it's obvious that you have the ability to continue in education and to succeed and to go from level after level meaning you have what it takes to succeed in education there's no question about that but what you have to get rid of the three things that we just spoke about so in other words you've got what it takes but you've got these three issues that we just enumerated but if we would get rid of those three issues you would you would be fine you'd be able to teach you wouldn't be burnt out anymore so we got to deal with those three issues now from last to the first in reverse order remember that deba said three reasons why you're burnt out now we're going to go backwards through those uh causes of burnout and and talk about how to deal with them right so the first the first one was you're physically tired you got stuff going on in your life that's just drain draining you physically maybe it's stuff at home but you're extra tired right now physically two is your class was a little more challenging than what you expected three is the itah is taking advantage and he's using your physical tiredness as a as a as a vulnerability to bring you down emotionally all right so let's go backward through those three things Olive so this is how we're going to respond to the third thing which is the itah has uh started messing with you very short sweet you got to make a a decision you're not going to listen to the aahar it's very interesting that EBA doesn't get into a hole back and forth because inherently when you get into a debate with the aahar you've already lost okay just make a decision I'm not going to listen to him I know he's got a job to do his job is to ruin my life through getting me to make poor decisions I know he's exploiting the vulnerabilities of me having a physical body which is right now worn down but you know what the only really the only real response is just to make a decision I'm not going to entertain any of his arguments I'm just that's it I'm not listening to the guy anymore so when he comes to me and says to me are you really such a good teacher should you really have gone into education are you really cut out for this do you really think you're making a difference do you think those kids even like you it's like you know what I'm not listening to you okay so that's one base this is to deal with issue number two which was the the class was a little bit more challenging than what you were ready for choose a new class which is easier as far as the instruction level and also uh discipline like kids they're a little bit easier to discipline just get assigned to a new class it'll be just a little bit easier all right simple practical gimmel all right now this is to respond to issue number one which was the you're physically tired right now that you're worn out that something is draining you go back to teaching but after some rest you need RNR you do need some some rest when your body won't be tired and exhausted by the way it's interesting yesterday's Ram if you're learning three chapters a day of ram so yesterday we learned the RAAM in where he talks about how it's important to be healthy in order to serve AEM okay now not everyone has the same amount of time that they need in order to rest what does it mean to rest that it's a different amount for everybody know somebody they I think someone asked that reban once how it's possible he sleeps so little rean says I sleep as much as everyone else just I do it faster okay so everyone has a different amount of time they need for us for some people it's good enough a few hours to rest and then ready to get back to work for other people they need a few days many days but whatever amount of rest you need the common denominator is you need to have an objective look at yourself at the way things really are this means the reality is there's nothing here unusual there's no CL there's nothing going on in your situation that's extraordinary see when it's very common that when you start to feel sorry for yourself you start to think that your situation is so unusual nobody would understand nobody's gone through this the ab is comforting her telling her there's nothing unusual about your situation it's a it's a normal situation Ella but here's what happened so then why why did you get so overwhelmed because many things all happened at once that's why you got you you got inundated with a flood of issues each of those issues that I was about to say right now each of those issues by itself you'd be able to deal with it but you know it's like the straw that broke the camel's back the guy puts the straw in the camel's back and it's fine and it's fine it's fine he loads it all up and then puts one more straw and then the camel's back breaks well why would one one straw break the back because that was just the Tipping Point so you hit your Tipping Point that's what happened but each of the issues independently listen what the says the result was unusual each of the individual causes were not unusual but the compounded result was unusual VAV ch each one of them on their own is not particularly difficult they're big so therefore you can relatively easily deal with them you've got this yeah see it's so interesting that I was saying I'm I'm validating the fact that you're overwhelmed I I'm not arguing with you I'm not telling you you're not overwhelmed but let me explain to you the mechanics of how you became overwhelmed you didn't get hit with anything that you can't deal with you just got hit with a bunch of stuff that you normally would be able to deal with but you got hit all at once and that's that's why you got knocked flat and that makes sense okay which is why you're going to rest up and when you're rested you're going to come back to teaching all right now since a person is inherently subjective about himself person can't be fully objective about himself person's not always able to assess his his abilities we underestimate ourselves we ignore the abilities that we have or the I would call this extenuating extenuating circumstances how much you're affected by things going on in your life in other words it seems like that I was saying we underestimate our powers we also tend to not realize how much stuff in our environment is affecting us and so if we don't really if we don't understand those two factors we might think that we're really weak but we're not really weak because a we have that we don't realize B we're not understanding that we're in a situation right now that is particularly challenging and that's why we feel the way that we do but if we had objectivity we'd realize we're we're we're we're able to deal with this okay therefore how are you going to get out of this subjectivity that you have you should consult with your friends who understand this who recognize all this and it's understood obviously one of the main people you should consult with your principal of your school Rabbi z z was a prin principal in the ret the system the network of schools of in which is apparently where this woman was teaching so the rebba says get objectivity talk to your friends but speak to RAB zush the the man the principle of the school he's going to help you have a more objective understanding of yourself okay who individually supervises all of us individually and you have seen H's kindness in an obvious revealed way in your past and in your not so distant past meaning not not that long ago you have seen hashem's revealed goodness in your life so for sureem will lead you to a good place as long as you strengthen in your in your trust in Hashem in the Creator and director of the world and then you'll be tranquil and happy and glad of heart with blessings for Good Tidings that you should be able to report good news in all of the above amazing so here we have insight for a teacher with burnout he's not letting her quit that is not letting off the hook why should she quit she's a good teacher she's going to be successful you just have to understand right now everything piled up on you okay so you're going to rest up from that when you come back we're going to adjust the class that you're in get a more suitable class and then you're going to see you're going to be very successful as a teacher amazing okay now I want to share with you a story the story is and I have permission to share this from the people involved because there's real names I'm going to tell you the real names just because it makes it more real um one of the key people in 30 letters in 30 days is Rabbi Ley shampo from West Bloomfield Michigan and uh he told me this story his sister Mrs tridal from Montreal is a teacher in Bas R government Montreal and uh a few years ago she was feeling like it often happens to teachers you know I I don't know if I can continue this various things are going on she had some health issues and she was like you know I got to quit so she tells her brother Ley you know I'm thinking of quitting teaching I know that you're very into igus into the Reb's letters maybe you have a letter from the rebba about a teacher who wants to quit so Le says first of all I'm sure that e wouldn't let you quit this is similar to the question I asked you at the beginning beginning of of this letter but I don't know the letter but if you give me some time I'll look for one okay so ley's looking for a letter I'm gonna make a so ley's looking for a letter and I think it took him a couple months before he found this letter this letter that we're learning right now so he sends it to his sister he says I think you know you don't get more of a direct answer than this is pretty similar to your situation so the next day after he found that letter he came to New York and I know when it was it was the first day of Kaneka three years ago and I know that because it was my daughter's wedding because Ley came in for my daughter's wedding which was HOA 770 um in fact Ley I forget which BR he got under the but he had one of the bras under the um I don't know if he knew that when he came in I think he would have come in either way but he comes to New York he goes to the aisle at the aisle who does he see rabie zom now this is not the same rabi zom from the latter it's his son the RAB Z from the lad is his Sonia is also a teacher in so Ley goes over over to RAB Z and says I just was reading a letter yesterday where the debba told the teacher was about to quit that she should speak to your father to get an objective uh Viewpoint so says to Ley um wow you want to you want to know something I want to tell you something uh you want to talk about teachers with bur out I'll tell you a story in okay that's n uh 2016 yeah 2016 so 2016 what was that nine years ago he says I came to the aisle and I had two papers one was my personal pond with my personal requ for myself my family the other was a letter for my 28 students in school he said the number 28 28 so all of their names everything that they needed I'm I'm there to to represent my class my my 28 students so he says I'm standing in the aisle and the secret is I'm about to quit teaching and I'm ready to tell the de I'm I'm I'm quitting I'm burnt out but as I'm reading the letter with my 28 students and their names and all the bras I'm asking for these students each of their various different needs I realize I can't abandon these students so he says at that point I say to the rebba um rebba I was going to quit I'm not quitting but see this other paper the one with with personal requests I'll keep teaching and I'm asking that I would take care of what's in the the other paper about my personal requests and then he came out of the aisle and he he decided that's it I'm I'm going to continue teaching okay he goes to Crown Heights rabie zish him goes to Crown Heights he's walking down the street Kingston Avenue and he sees somebody he thinks he recognizes but he's not sure who who they are he AB Castell from T was standing outside he says who is that he says that is um that is elezar cman tiffen Brun all of a Shalom the artist very very famous cidic artist so he said ah yeah yeah yeah I I know and it was he was walking with his wife so the Tiff Bruns are walking down the street so runs over to them and he says to them um you know I want to ask you a question now a little background the the Tiff's son Yosi passed away at a very young age tragically he was very he was the same age as or similar age as tovia zilber and they were good friends in yiva so there was on one occasion where yasi tiffen Brun wanted the SAS now this is before you had PDFs right you can't just WhatsApp somebody a PDF of SAS you had to physically get the SAS so he was speaking to to tovia zom who was in New York and he was coming through London and that's where Yosi was so so he told him go to New York and get theas and give the SAS to my mother my mother this was uh meaning 1976 my mother's going to be in with when you just wait for her when she comes out you give her theas she'll bring theas to England for me and as a present to you for giving her the SAS to bring to me she'll give you one of my father's paintings of the reab okay so that that's the background so you following three years ago at the Isle Le Z the day after he found a letter this letter that we just studied which mentions RAB zam's father he he approaches RAB Z at the and tells him a story that happened to him in 2016 where he saw the BS walking down the street in Crown Heights right after he had just told the rebba at the aisle I'm not quitting I'm not quitting teaching out of nowhere seemingly like just illogically repia Z asks Mrs tiffen Brun he says remember that time 30 years ago in 1976 when I waited for you when you were coming out of with and I gave you theas and you gave me your husband's painting um it was a really long you were there for over half an hour do you mind sharing with me what did you speak about with the reab and this is this is from 30 years before but for some reason he had never asked never thought to ask and now at this moment he's thinking to ask so she says I don't mind sharing I'll tell you she says I don't want to say that I was arguing with the Reb but I came to to tell theb I'm quitting teaching and for 30 minutes the Reb tried to convince me that I cannot leave my post and she actually she quoted the Reba's holy word she said uh told her Mrs Tiff Brun V teachers hutman in laab she said teachers the English wordful teachers hutman in [Music] laich and you want to take a teacher away meaning yourself at any rate that EBA convinced her not to stop teaching she says that that was my all of a sudden you understand had just come from the aisle just with his commitment to not quit teaching 30 years later he's asking this question what was about she says that e convince me not to to quit teaching boom he says to him that was his clear clear clear answer okay so he tells this story to Ley at the O uh on the day of my daughter's wedding three years ago and then Ley calls his sister and says I've more about that letter that I sent you he filled her in and since then Ley and his sister have been going around telling everybody about the letter and the story about and and and the tiffen Bruns and and basically what what uh Ley told me is every time I tell this story some teacher comes over to me and says I decided not to quit all right now I'm telling the story and I hope I will get somebody to come over to me and tell me some teacher decided not to quit uh now I'm almost done but I got one more goodie for you uh this is not from the egis this like I said not all of the rebas letters were printed in the egis egis is just a tip of the iceberg there are many many more letters that were not printed and are being found and published all the time there's a follow-up letter to this teacher to this woman and this I just found a few hours ago uh laak uh they they printed this letter and they sent it uh to one of the members of the 30 letters and 30 days team and then they sent it to me and I'm sharing with you this is not from the but printed this this is from gim so the writes okay remember the original letter was the's letter to her was so however long it took her to get the letter and then you know she writes back and then gim writes her back and what did she write to him the letter in which you wrote me to tell me to report that you've returned to your job in education educating Jewish children which every one of these Jewish children is a child of the king of all Kings the Holy One Blessed Be he so compassionate so fatherly that ebba says certainly your return your re-entry to teaching will be tadad step by step like don't rush it that was the one who encouraged her to return to teaching but that I was telling you know do it do it step step by step the do not be affected CL whatsoever by the past problems that you had like move on and also maybe future problems that you're going to have which Don't Panic which is totally normal for a person to have in this physical world that's the nature of this physical world people have problems don't worry you're probably going to run into some problems but you're going to be okay you've got this you are more than equipped you're going to be a successful teacher the letter goes on for a few for few more lines but I'll just read to you the very end because I feel like it applies to us especially now as we are in the month of AD a month which is particularly Su successful for Jews in all of their matters yeah well we are in the month of a right now so I'll take that as a um with a that you should report good news and uh yeah that's the follow-up letter so barem a teacher who almost quit was shown the light that you've got this you just got overwhelmed with a bunch of stuff that compounded all at once rest yourself up take care of your body understand that yah is going to always try to take advantage of your physical tiredness don't pay him any mind um get back to teaching when you're ready take it gently and you're going to be successful you've got this and especially now it's other special bras okay good night thank you for joining us