Rabbi Benzion Klatzko: Why Dont I Feel Good About Myself?

Turn. Yeah. Can you hear me? Okay. Okay. Good evening everyone. So I haven't been here in a few months. Uh I think I know most of you here but those for those that I have yet to meet. My name is Benlatskco. live in Muny, New York and um it's an honor to come down and speak whenever Ornava asks me and I'm available. I work in Kiru which means I'm usually not home and not available but if I know in advance I try to work out my schedule because both you who come to Arnava who take off your time from your work from your job from your studies to come and learn Torah deserve somebody to uh make an effort and in addition I know that these talks are always on Torah anytime and uh eventually thousands of people hear them so I have that cover as Uh I um I mention like I always do that this uh speech is sponsored by Shabbat.com. It's not that Shabbat.com paid for it, but it's that you all should be signing up if you're not signed up already. And if this is your first time hearing about it, shabbat.com is my website. And now between three and 6,000 people a week find places for Shabas through Shabbat.com in 92 countries. So it does a lot of mitzvah. And uh there's going to be a new shukim uh element hopefully. It's about two months away. I thought it was sooner, but it's going to change the way are made and it's going to take all the weirdness out of uh finding a on the internet. So, and it's going to be free. So, it'll be free and done in a tood way, in a cool way. And uh I think we're on to something big. So, uh, but you won't know about it unless you're actually on the site because that's who gets the notification. So, get on the site, do the mitzvah, and that's what we're sponsored by. The name of this talk originally was why don't I feel good about myself? The solution, um, I'm not going to speak about why you don't feel good about yourself. I don't know why you don't I mean I hope you do feel good about yourself but I mean we could speak about why people don't feel good about themselves. Um but the truth of the matter is uh we all go through stages and I don't just mean every few weeks or every few days but even every few hours and even from minute to minute. I that's really the way if you're a thinking person. I'm good. said I'm at the shear but I came late but at least I'm here but I zoned out for a few minutes but now I could we we we bounce up and there's it's natural it's natural that uh we're trying to figure out who we are and u what our place is in this world there is a feeling that most people live lives of quiet desperation and um I travel a lot so I go through a lot of airports. And when you go to the airport, you see lots and lots of people, thousands of people hustling and bustling to go who knows where. They're going to Dayton, Ohio. Are they going to Witchah, Kansas? Like, what are they doing in Witchah? And what are they doing in Dayton? What are they what are they running about? And you begin to think that perhaps they're all the backdrop or the scenery to your life, which is which is the truth. They are the backdrop of the scenery, but each one of them uh has their own life, and you're the backdrop, and you're the scenery to their life. But in the in the end, as we grow older, we begin to feel that, you know what, maybe I actually was not the star. Maybe I was the backdrop. Maybe I was the average Joe, the the normal person who tried to live a normal life. And I see people who do extraordinary things and I'm somewhat envious of them and I I know I have it in me and I know I have dreams and I know that the world needs me in a certain way and I just don't know how to make that happen and I don't have it in me. I don't have the time. I don't have the brain power. And therefore we drift slowly from our teens to our 20s to our 30s, 40s, 50s and then we turn around and we try to make a on effesh. What exactly did I contribute to the world? What exactly? And um I could imagine for many people the question could be a very painful one. So what I want to do tonight is two things. I I actually three things. I want to explain to you how amazing you are. I want to tell you not to patronize you. I want to tell you a strange idea. I didn't say the three things yet. I want to tell you a strange uh thought and this may be a little psychotic, but it's just the way I think. when um there is a tsara in cla and you hear somebody was lifted or someone was hit by a car and you say she was so sad that this happened and then you move on you go on because you didn't really know them and it's hard to put a value on the life of a stranger even if they happen to be part of Kalisrael but since I'm involved in Kiru I look at things a little bit differently. I think to myself, what if this person had been born not from? And somebody found them and created a friendship with them, held their hand as they grew in their Yiddish kite. They had their first shabas. They made their first braha, their first trip to Israel, their first kiss to the Kisa wall, walking down the right. Imagine the effort and the energy to take one person who is removed from kite and get them to the place that they are that they can swim on their own in the from world. And then imagine that person that you put all that effort into suddenly disappeared. And then perhaps a correct will not be sufficient. Then you think you know what it's as if we lost somebody because somebody did put into that person. Somebody did put effort and love and money and time and years and years And yet we look around and we, you know, we wonder what's our right. I know I'm special. So part number one is I want to explain to you how the Torah looks at you, how the Almighty looks at you. Number two, I want to give you seven incredible keys to actualize your potential. And they're so incredible that whoever made the mistake not being here tonight lost out. You'll hear you're gonna have if you have a pen and a paper, you should get it ready because these tools are going to change your life. And part number three of this talk are going to be some ideas that I'm going to throw out there how we can change the world. And I'm going to throw out some ideas that I jotted down on a paper. And then I'm going to challenge you maybe a little brainstorming session to figure out how once your potential is reached, once your dream is dreamt, what would you do and how can the world be impacted by your presence? We know that kazal tell us that every person is kag a letter in the Torah. That means that there is a letter in the Torah that represents you. Now it's a lot deeper than that. It's not just a letter. It's a puk. There is a a symbol, a sign, a message that is related to your life and your life alone. And it was put in the Torah before Shim Bes 2,000 years before predicting and giving you the blueprint for your life here in 2011. If you want to use the Gisha date right here, right now this is you and you were predicted before the sun was was made. You were predicted and there was a mission for you. It's a very powerful thought. Now there are people that have amazing potential and when we are born it says we're all born with this amazing and so someone once asked me what about a non-Jew can a non-Jew geta the answer is they can so what does that mean if I'm not good If I rebel against Hashem, I have no if I do mitzvah, I do. If a non-Jew does his mitzvah or her mitzvah, then they have alaba. If they don't, they don't. So what makes what why is different? It's really the same. If a Jew does good, he gets if not not and the works the same way. You hear the question? The answer is it sounds nuanced but it's not. The answer is that when a Jew is born says my entire you have so much potential I am going to give you your entire and Hashem gifts us our potential in olaba and then as the years go and as we whittle away our potential and our days our olaba begins to dissolve and what we are left with is the olaba that we receive. A non-Jew is born with no aba and all the aba that they receive they have to earn. Now the sum total may still be the same. The difference is what is hashem telling you about your potential? Hashem is saying you are born with infinite potential. when a person passes away. If they could have been a aim and instead, you know, they went on and they went to a secular career and they didn't learn and they didn't grow. Hashem is going to say, "Do you know what you were supposed to do? Let me show you which swarm you were supposed to write. Let me show you who was supposed to read your swarm. Let me show you how their lives were going to be affected by reading those swarm." You were going to start this amazing movement that would have added to that would have affected thousands and tens of thousands. I'm not criticizing you. You did what you had to do. But do you know what you could have done? And when we stare at that, we shrivel up with embarrassment, shame, and sadness of what we could have done. Do you know why people don't feel good about themselves? They don't feel good about themselves because they feel stuck. Now, they feel stuck for many reasons. Their background perhaps, maybe it's a very tough background, maybe there was abuse in the background, maybe there was poverty, maybe you had a difficult school situation, but whatever it is, that's in the past. You are here in a minute from now. That's the future. And we're going to live through the future tonight. But you feel stuck. You feel weighed down with an anchor to your past. You feel that maybe you are never going to reach the potential that a kadesh bar has in mind for you. It'll never happen. You're going to hope hopefully I'll I'll make a decent living. Hopefully I'll marry a guy who's a half a mench. Hopefully my kids won't be kids at risk. Hopefully I right instead of oh well, forget about that. I'm a world changer. I'm a game changer. And as we get older, you know, those things become the idealistic dreams of the youth. There was a um young boy who was having trouble difficulty in his learning. And one day his one evening his parents were speaking to each other and they said, you know, Navtulli, he's he's a he's a good boy. He's a good boy, but he just doesn't have the right head. He doesn't have a good head. I don't think we should keep him in. It will just depress him. It'll make him feel bad about himself. Let him come and work in the uh uh in the you know with the tailor. He'll become a an apprentice to the tailor. He'll learn how to sew clothing. And they did not realize that Naftali was sitting on the steps listening to them say, "We think he's limited." Navali comes running into the room. He charges in and he's crying tears. He says, "Mommy Tati, believe in me. I'm gonna try so hard. If you will just believe in me, I believe in myself. I think I'll have dishes. And when the parents saw the ernskite, the sincerity in Afali's face, they said, you know what? Give it a second shot. If you feel you could do it is going to give you and became the one of the great great Talmudic scholars one of the big tremendous what would have happened he would have been a decent tailor hopefully would have been a yayim but he wouldn't have been the and after 120 years they would have said you know you were supposed to be the nitiv not a tailor. We don't feel good about ourselves because we think we may have an in us. We may have a sneer in us. We may have somebody who could really make a difference. Not for co. I'm not speaking about because you want your name in the or you want your name in some brochure, but because we want to make a difference. In this week's para, Rivka felt that there was kicking in her stomach every time she passed a bish and every time she passed a base. They were kicking around in her. And she said, "If so, what what is it worth to me? What am I worth?" Now she came to Baja and they said, "Oh, you have twins in you. You have twins." And when one of them is has a proclivity towards kadusha. So when you pass a b she kicks and one of them has a certain amount of tuma and when you pass a bazar he kicks. How do they know that? So one of them rashi is they were nim but alihat how did how do they know that? Maybe let's say somehow the baby in the womb was able to sense when they were passing a bish majish or a ba or a bazar. Maybe it was one kid. Maybe it was just how do they know it was twins? Maybe it was one and he's struggling with his identity, right? He doesn't know. Should I go here? Should I go there? It's very very natural struggling. It's a Toby. It's a right. Okay. Little babies. But in whatever level they have, he's struggling. How did they know it was two? How did they know it was two separate children? And the answer to that is found in the words. Rashi says visatsu comes from the word ruts. They wanted to run out. Running is a proactive motion. Running is action. And ultimately even those who struggle all you need to do is look at the person and say where are they being proactive? Where are they running towards? Wherever they're running towards that's where their heart is. People don't run equally towards towards uh two opposite to opposite values. Yes people d babble. Good people do aas and bad people once in a while do mitzvah. But you could see where they're running. You could see the action. And if there's action, if there's visitsu in both ways, that's impossible. It must be there too. There wouldn't be proactive action in two separate directions. So therefore, the first rule I want to give you is as follows. Actions speak louder than words. This is a saying that you've all heard, but it's not said a lot. You've heard it, but I wonder how many times in your life you've heard it. Actions speak louder than words. There is a a certain person, a lady that I'm counseling and she's in a relationship that's uh very abusive and of course I want her to leave that relationship and it's hard you know some people they get stuck in abuse and you want them to leave and for whatever there's a victim mentality and you know the abuser are very often as a user. They're manipulative. They know exactly how to bring you close enough so you feel okay, you're comfort, okay, he forgives me, we're okay now. Boom. Black eye. I'm so sorry. Buy you a little gift. You hug, bring you tight. And it's just terrible when you see it. And you're a friend. If you've ever had such a person, you've seen it. You don't know. It doesn't make any sense to you. But but you have to be in those shoes to understand it. So, I've been begging this person to break the relationship. And finally, the person said, "I've broken it. I'm ready to go out with a normal guy." I said, "Great. I would like to call up your abuser and hear it from him that he understands because if he does, if he thinks he's still running after you, he's a manipulative. He'll get you back." She goes, "No, don't call him." I said, "No, we're going to call him right now." I said, "What's his number?" And I put my phone on speaker. I said, "What's his number?" She goes, "No, I'm I'm scared." I said, "Well, that's not good." I said, "But I have to call him." So, I called him. I said, "Hello." He says, "Hi." Now, he doesn't like me very much cuz he knows that I don't approve of him being around this person who's somewhat of a talida of mine. And he knows that I see right through him. I said, "Hello." He says, "Yeah." I said, "This is Rabbi Klatska. I just wanted to give you a quick call because this girl um I'm about to set her up on a shak and I want to make sure that um that you and her are through." So he says, "Well, ask her." Sher. So I said, "Oh, I did." She said, "It is, but I want to hear it from you." He says, "Now you're calling." Doesn't answer the question. Says, "Now you're calling? Like you've known about me. Why didn't you reach out to me before?" I said, "You're changing the subject. Are you through with her?" He says, "Good job." And hangs up on me. So she wanted to know why didn't I actually try to be a macar this guy. Now the truth is I did speak to him. I spoke to him three times when they first started going out and twice since. And I realized the second time I spoke to him that he is gifted or it could be a curse with a golden tongue. He is a very very persuasive. Uh if you've ever seen people like this no matter like exactly what he was trying to do on the phone. Oh now you're calling me to to put me on my heels. That's exactly what he's been doing to her for for months. And after speaking to him that second time, even though I did end up bumping into him a third time, I said, "I'm not having dialogue with him." You know why? Because actions speak louder than words. And even though his words were saying, "I want to take care of her. I want to look out for her." She was coughing up blood a, you know, less than a month ago. Don't say because I'm not interested in listening because actions speak louder than words. There's nothing you could say as golden as your tongue is that can cover over your actions. Understand? Actions speak louder than words. And that is not only for evil men and evil deeds. This is also for great deeds. when I started shabbat.com and even till today people came over to me uh by the dozens I wish I had a dollar for each person who did I'd be able to actually pay for the site she people came over to me and said you know I had the exact same idea the exact let's create a shop the exact same idea and eventually I I mean I don't say it but my mind my mind does say Well, why didn't you do it? In other words, if you would have done it, I'd be doing something else. How many people talk the talk? And I'm not I'm not putting myself on a pedestal. That's that's not what we're going over here. Plenty of times I talk the talk and totally don't walk the walk. But the point is that there are great things to be accomplished, but actions speak louder than words. You know why we don't feel good about ourselves? Because we have aspirations, dreams, goals, ideals, values that we that we believe we can contribute to the world, but we don't put them into action. So, we're stuck. It's like it's like a uh a premature birth again and again. Great idea, nothing happens. Unbelievable idea. World changing idea. Lose the baby again. Never had a chance to give birth to it. Never never had a chance to see the light of day. Actions speak louder than words. Do you want to feel good about yourself? Get up and do. Now I spoke here a little while ago about my nephew. His name was Rafo Moshim Matio Ben Golden Musa or uh affectionately known as Moishi. Moshi was 16 when uh he came home from school one day complaining that his leg was hurting. He was living in Eric Solicare at safer at the time. They brought him to the hospital and the doctor dropped a bombshell on the parents. That's not a legach. It's not growing pains. It's cancer. The parents worst nightmare. Eventually, little Mishi was brought to the United States, was brought to Boston for treatment where they have lots of uh cancer clinics and they tried all sorts of treatments. And a year or so after he was brought to America, we made a sudas, we said, "Thank you, Hashem, for curing Mishi." And Moshi himself got up and I have this videoed. He looks right into the camera. He breaks into a great big grin and he says, "Thank you, Hashem, for the cancer. That cancer helped me learn so much about life. Thank you." Beautiful party. What a sweet suda soda. And then two weeks later, the cancer returned with a vengeance. And there was another battle lasted about a year. Again, he was declared cancer-free. We did not make a suda. We uh were nervous as we should have been because a few weeks later the cancer came back with a vengeance. Groves in the lungs and on the spine. And the doctor, Dr. Wexler who's one of the great doctors and great human beings of our generation said I don't know what to do the cancer is stronger than Mishi we're we've tried everything time to go homeopathic we don't know what to do and Mishi deterior deteriorated in front of our eyes and last week he passed way and he left a legacy of of sadness and um it was very very difficult to bear because what I'm going to do is the second part of this talk which is how to reach your potential each of these uh steps that we take I'm going to give my as an example It's very rare to have seen a kid like Mushi. I don't know how many of you were ding for him or fall mashing gold. Here is a boy who passed away with no averis. None. None. You cannot imagine a person like this. It's it boggles the mind. Um the gdole ali vakfel came to my to deliver a hespid for this 20-year-old Israeli boy. And uh he was quite extraordinary. So I'm going to give you the seven keys for actualizing your potential and then I'm going to tell you a story about Mishi or an anecdote by each of them. But they're very important not just to remember the story but to get the key to get to get the key because none of us want to say we had a nit inside of us. We had a sneer inside of us. No one wants to say that. No one wants to say we could have changed the world and we had a hard time changing ourselves. So before I start number one there are going to be seven keys. The first I want to give you a ground rule and the ground rule is before we can discover the awesome nuclear power that's within us, we have to understand that all outward change, all outward accomplishment demands inner change. If you think that you could be exactly who you are and yet reach your potential, you're sadly mistaken. Because if you could have, you would have. There are there's tremendous inner working that needs to be done. And each of these tools, many of these tools are going to be inner tools that allow us to to uh affect the world in very positive ways. Tool number one, you have to reflect on your life. This is known as meditation. It's a lost art. But when you do it, you know you did the right thing. I have a um 19-year-old son. He's my second son. one son inim and then I have a 19-year-old who's not in shim yet and he this 19year-old I I just found this out each day he goes outside of the yes is yeshiva the yeshiv is in his own campus and he walks around walk around for a half an hour by himself just thinking about life just walks around the there's a baseball field just walks around being this bod who am I where where did I come from and I don't But where did I come from? Who are my parents? What were their dreams for me? What were my own dreams for myself? Where am I now? Am I falling short? Do I have to catch up? Maybe I should expand those dreams. What's my relationship to Hashem? Am I feeling it? Am I not feeling it? Have I extended myself for other people? all the deep things that we are able to think about when the world is not creating static in our brain and it's so tough because we all become add if you if you uh circulate in the world long enough there's so much static it's it's a little bit crazy you know when I have a free moment so I have to go to my computer check my AOL I got to check my Gmail don't tell Rabbi Wall but I check my Facebook as well. I get a lot of messages. I check my Shabbat.com because I get messages through there. I check my text messages. I mean, without doing anything, I'm busy. And then that's not even answering the answering these and then reports to fill out and people to counsel and work to be done. And I got bar 11 children. Say those children need plenty of uh of people and I have to be a husband. I have to be a pleasant husband and there's no time to think about where where is this heading and month turns into year way too fast. Mosha Matio Mosi excelled at reflecting on life. Now one may say it's easy to excel when life has an expiration date. Perhaps or perhaps one can be in denial. You know, after the Holocaust, people had two very opposite reactions. Some people said, "How could God have done what he did? I am leaving Judaism. I'm leaving Torah. I'm I'm out of here. It's not for me." And some people went on to the United States and they built communities that we're benefiting from today. I lived in Los Angeles for seven years. The whole LA community was built by Holocaust survivors. Plenty of New York was built by people who came. Cleveland, lots of tells was built by Holocaust survivors. Kim Berlin, Mirhiva, some people threw it away and some people use it to build. So the very fact that life has an expiration date, there is a saying, eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we're going to die. So there's no guarantee that just because life has an expiration date, you're going to reflect and meditate and grow from it. So number one, make time. Make time. Make time. And if a half an hour is too much at probably 10 minutes would do the trick. I once spoke to a very big guttle use from breast breast is very very mak it's part of breast is making time for his modus it's it's just the ABCs so there was I was in Oman my brother brought me to Oman this year so you know I'm really critical uh uh you know cynical uh literary guy and he says oh you have to meet Rabbi Kramer I said great I said Rabbi Kramer okay I got a question do you spend an hour every day meditating he said it's tough I try. I said, "When do you do it?" He says, "Sometimes I on purpose I stay up in my bed and I think okay, if you could do it, I guess we could do it, right?" Number one. Number two, it's also an inner avoda. Number two, become an optimist. Now, this is tough, but you cannot reach your potential if you're a pessimist. says, "I have enough. I got a lot. I have to get more. There's still lot to conquer. The glass is not half full. The glass is only meant to be half full. I thought it at least was half full. It's only meant that's its full. That's my full. People who are not optimistic, they're pessimistic. They're negative. And negativity repels people. I once mentioned here that I did a a singles event. I had a singles event and it was I was trying to make some and in the singles event we went around everyone made and there were a lot of girls who were very nicel lookinging and there was this one girl who just you know just aesthetically she was not able to go toe-to-toe with these other girls. She was sort of portly short. I don't know. just you know you know I say without being nice but you understand it's tough it's a tough world where everyone is very um is very uh gashmistic where externalities count so much and yet by the end of Shabas everyone not everyone at the end of Shabas many of the guys wanted to go out with that girl and a lot of the beautiful girls no one asked out. They wanted to go out with her. You know why they wanted to go out with her? It's amazing because when it came time for the and she was a little smarty Israeli originally, everyone else would she grabbed her cup and she wo there was so much positivity. It was like everyone wanted to be part of that. Positivity attracts and negativity repels. When you're positive, you wake up in the morning and you want to change the world. When you're negative, you don't even believe you could change yourself. So number two, you have to be optimistic. Do you know what Misha did? Misha was asked by Make a Wish. Now make a wish to kids with cancer. They give them a wish. What do you want? And what do most Makea-wish kids ask for? Disneyland. Disneyland. Disney World. Epcot. Right. Give me a pony a bite. Right. What do you want? He says, "I want a bookcase full of the swarm of my own choosing." And he chose swarm to fill up an entire bookcase. So someone said to don't want to say too obviously but like how are you going to he what do you mean I'm going to finish it I'm going to finish it now in my heart of hearts I think the reason why she brought the entire bookcase full of swarm is he knew that it that when his time comes mim he wants to point down at that bookcase and say hashem I could have done this I owned it. I bought it in mind to learn and he will get the scar for learning all those swarm. But he was optimistic. Mishi made a chart to finish us in his sickbed with his intervenous each day. All day he sat with a safer and learned. And as he lost use of limb after limb after limb, he continued to learn. And he plowed through one safer after the next. And his uncles and aunts, they try to throw a yacht his way. They try to thish a few minutes. You need the break. It's time. It's time. It's about time. A few months ago, a very wealthy, wonderful fellow by the name of Ellie Row brought him to Erits, Israel to go get brahas from the Gulam. And he brought him to all the big gadam. This poor kid, he's sick and he's losing the battle. And the said to Mishi, which braha would you like us to give you and you would expect him to say give me a braha to get better? It's not what he said. It's a very interesting braha. He was losing the ability to feel from his waist down. Lost ability to his legs and his waist and went all the way up. So you said please give me a braha that I should know when I have to go to the bathroom because people who lose their ability to know then their body expels and they don't know that their body expelled. And he said I won't be able to learn cuz I'll never know if I just expelled and now I can't learn. So let me feel it so I'll know to stop learning. Don't let me lose that harasha so I can learn and not be worried that I'm learning with with with uh you know in in a way that's not the each he asked to. So number two is be an optimist. You could do it. By the way there are three kinds of people in the world. You have to ask yourself who you are. When a challenge comes, person number one says probably won't be able to do it. Person number two says I'll try or maybe. And person number three says of course I'll do it. I could do it. Figure out a way. You have to figure out which of these three. It's very simple categories. Which are you? I was speaking to a fellow from a cure program today and I said let's do a Kaneka thing for Bali Chuva. I said he said what what's going to make them come? I said we'll get a comedian but I right comedian. I said we'll do improv. You know what improv is? We'll get an improv group. He's sucking where are we going to get improv group? I couldn't believe my ears. What do you mean we'll get one? We'll get one. We'll we'll network and we'll get one. I was shocked to hear person number one or two coming out of his mouth. What do you mean? We'll get one. You got to be an optimist and you got to say, "I can do it." Number three, set a goal. Number three is if you want to reach your potential, you have to set a goal. You have to set a goal. You have to make a plan. If if there are no goals, if it there's no concrete plan, you could have the best intentions and you ain't going anywhere because you didn't program anything into your GPS. You're ready to go, but you don't know where you're going. So, you could reflect on life. You could be an optimist, but if you don't have the plan, there's nowhere for you to go. Someone once said a goal is a dream with a deadline right you have to have a dream and give your dream a deadline I am going to do this make your goals big not small okay that's number three and Mishi did that like I mentioned he made all sorts of goals I'm going to finish this safer I'm going to finish this amazing stuff number four define who your role models are who are your role models in life. Who are the people that you emulate? It's a very interesting point. It doesn't sound like number four belongs in the seven, but it's very telling why most people don't actualize actualize their potential. You know why? Because the role models are movie actors and actresses, singers who gyate on stage, politicians who are unfaithful to their wives, what role models are left? So when you make those people your role models, you know, you're shooting really lowashem, you know, you have Rabbi Wallerstein here. That's all that's all you need. That's all you need. That's all you need. But you have other big people here. Look at them. Mishi used to say is my role model. I want to learn to be a pois when I get married. He used to always say when I get married and I have children, I'm going to teach them moa optimistic till the end. Making himself a goal. Making a role model. So number four, if you're going to change the world, you've got to have a dogma. You have to have a role model. Think about who that person is. If I were to ask you right now, pop quiz, who's your role model? Say half of you will say my mother. Okay, so for those that don't say my mother. And we all know that your mothers are absolutely stunning. Your fathers are not half bad either, hopefully. But let's leave mommy and daddy out of it. Who's your role model? See if you can answer that question. Margaret Thatcher right now. Who is your role model? Who is it? Okay. Number five. If you're going to actualize your potential, you have to learn to be grateful. To appreciate what you have allows you to get more. It doesn't make you bitter against the world. It doesn't leave a sour taste in your mouth. And you understand that each thing that you accomplish is an accomplishment. You didn't do it on your own. You got others help without, you know, it's a it's a funny thing. I was on the phone right before I I I walked into the building to a fellow named Usher Israel. You ever heard of Usher Israel? Nobody here. He's a fellow who does Kiru. He's a he's a free agent macar on his own lives in Bahra Park single guy just does kiru. This is the craziest thing and he does it in amazing ways. He's very out of the box. So he said he I told him I'm going to Arnama. So he says oh I'll take the credit. I said you will. I said sure. He says because I remember I I told Robert Wall you call on Klatska. I said you're right. You did do that. You're the one who told Ornava, you know, I was in Kir in Msi. I said, "Wow, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the opportunity. Thank you. I'm not paying, but thank you. Thank you very much." Right? Being grateful is very critical in order to actualize your potential. What people said about Mishi was no matter what you did for him, he couldn't say thank you enough times. He used to text you thank you and his what texting didn't come easy to him. He's Israeli and he wasn't that mobile but his texts were long text. Thank you so much for I took him driving but a year and a half ago. Yeah, we'll get your license. You'll get a car. Of course, the whole time the back of my mind I'm thinking I hope I hope. Oh, thank you. Thank you. And I took him to sushi. He hated it. But thank you for taking me to sushi. Thank you. Everyone remembers might she had to have the last thank you. Number six, the only way that a person can reach their potential if they have a liflong quest and desire to learn. There has to be a thirst for knowledge. And not only that, I'll put in you have to learn to say the word yes. How many people here are yes people? Any yes people? What is the power of yes? The power of yes is amazing. The power of yes is when someone says you know do you want to uh you want to speak here or do you want to help out over there or do you this is an experience and you'll go and you'll be or you could help this person with their report. I'm not talking about being taken advantage of. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being open to opportunities to expand your horizon. The power of yes is one of those great tools that I've used to grow as a person myself. They said, "Do you want to be on the radio?" I said, "Okay, yes." What do I know about radio? I'm the radio every week. You know, you know, do you want to uh you want to speak? Yeah. So I was I was in the coal and this guy comes over to me and he says oh I humans for marov can I learn with you I said sure he says how about we learn say his name was crone he was he was cron's uncle so all the crrons are are are mim he says I'll he says I'll teach why not that part of Torah Then he says, "What? I'll teach you how to do ma." Yes. You'll come with me and you'll help put on the bandages. By the way, I'm very queasy around blood. You would never know. Yes. And I followed him around for two years. And I learned how to how to do mila. I did all my boys. Yeah. God gave me a lot of practice. I have eight boys. I also practice all my nephews and whoever else would let me. Right. The power of yes, it's awesome. That's why I I hate saying no to someone who wants to come for Shabas. Power of yes. Got to say yes. Let's make it happen. Beautiful things will happen. So if you can, I'm not saying you have to use a sik. I'm not giving you a blanket statement. Always say yes to everything. But you know one of the reasons that the Jewish people are the Jewish people today are because we said at Hari. Yes. You want it? Yes. Now tell us what to do. Yes. Power of Yes. gave us the Torah. I met my wife our first first date. I said yes. Let's get engaged. Yes. Power of Yes. Amazing things will happen. The power of yes. As a matter of fact, I got the cure because of the power of Yes. I wasn't I was a pulpit rabbi. I was a RV of Ashul and I good in Burough Park for seven years. Perth family, New Jersey for three years. And then I decided I'm going to look for something outside, but I never had a thought of moving on to a college campus. I never been on a college campus. Someone said, "Hey, maybe want to be a college rabbi UCLA." Yes. Okay. Uh you'll live on fraternity row. Yes. What's a fraternity? And that was it. And uh we went on and we opened up campuses and trained other people. Learn the power of Yes. Okay. And number seven, embrace change. Embrace change. Many of us say, "Well, that's just not me." I hear that a lot and I I would do that. It's just not me. It's just not me. So let it become you. If the you currently is not accomplishing this and it could be accomplished. So go outside your comfort level. I go on to college campus. I'm going tomorrow. Anyone wants to come? You want an experience? Anyone got a little time? Yes. You'd like to come? I'm going to UPEN. It's two hours away. And I'm going to teach the rabbi how to stand on campus and flag down Jews by using the most amazing line ever. That fine Jewish people. You know what I say? Are you Jewish? Are you Jewish? You're Jewish, aren't you? I do that sometimes when I'm sure they're Jewish. No. You sure? Right. Are you Jewish? Now, it would sound like it takes a lot of guts to go over to strangers on a walkway and say, "Are you Jewish?" So, I have a secret that no one's no one's ever heard, but they'll hear it for the first time. I'm extremely shy by nature. And I could tell you stories of my shyness. But let it let it be known that growing up, I was so shy that when my grandparents came to visit, I couldn't look them in the eye. I couldn't even be in the same room. I used to hide under the bed cuz I was too too embarrassed. I just couldn't do it. My own grandparents. It's very I was very shy. And it takes getting out of your box. Embrace change. I could do it if it's important. All right. Be willing. Okay. Now, a lot of this stuff that we mentioned is inner avoda. But if you're able to do this in avoda to recap, we spoke about first stop and think about your life. Where are you? Where do you want to go? Become an optimist. Say, "Wow, I could do this." Right? Be optimistic about life. Number three, make a goal. I want to make a goal now that I'm happy. Let's see what I want to accomplish. Make a goal. Make it clear. Don't make it a little bit vague. Make it clear. Number four, figure out who your role models are. Who's done it before you? Who do you want to copy? Who can you go to for advice? Number five, be grateful. Nothing's coming to you. Be grateful and grow step by step. Number six, be a lifelong learner. Learn to say the word yes. You always want to get out of that comfort level. That's number seven. Embrace change. Now, the last few I left out Mosh Matio just because the time is short and there is still more to accomplish. But I would like to let you know that Moshe Montio was all of the above in spades. He embraced change and his change was not a happy change. His change is, oh, I guess I can't move my feet anymore for the rest of my life. Oops, I guess I can't move my legs. Oops. I guess I can't go to the bathroom myself. Oops. I guess I lost all my hair. Oh, right. And instead of saying woe is to me, he took it. He accepted it. Okay, this is the matz of now. I never saw him cry. I never saw a teardrop leave his eye. Although I did hear that he did once cry. When he was brought home from Erdurel, he was at the airport. He began to cry because he was accompanied by all these people who had taken him around and he said, "I can't believe how many people love me." And that's when he started to cry. That was the only time. So last Tuesday, I had come in from Boston. Was one of those very rainy, bitter days, cold, not pleasant to be outside. And I had gotten a uh text message the night before that he's having a very difficult time breathing. And I told this to students who were in Boston. I told them the a main story that I've told here before. And when I finished, I said, "The gates are open. Who's walking through?" And this one girl said, "I'd like to go to seminary." I said, "Oh, another's fori." The next day, he had a hard time breathing. I came back to New York. It's about 5:00 in the evening and I get a text say to Hillm things are not looking good. So I said to Hillm but in addition I said I'm coming to the hospital and I brought Mush's younger brother a 13-year-old boy. We came to the hospital the ninth floor in Sloan Ketering and we got to the room there were about 13 12 13 people standing around the bed saying to him whailing crying these are the uncles who took care of him these is this is his father he was the bakar this is the father and he's looking at the oxygen count and when the oxygen count dips lower and lower you know the person's life as in Sakana. And every time it dipped a little bit lower, the Tahillum got louder and there was crying and one of the uncles kept screaming out, "My we love you. Can you hear us? We're around the room. We're right here. We're right here for you." They would come and stroke his cheek and his eyes were closed and he was breathing in a very labored way. And there's the father looking his face is white as the numbers are going down. And after about a half an hour to to hill and the crying was just it was it was way too much to bear. And all of a sudden the numbers dipped very low and it seemed like it was near the end. Suddenly one of the uncles screamed out and everyone answered three times seven times just like what we do at the end of yipper. And then we continued the tailum and it went from 20 to 10 second time and the number finally dipped down to zero and we saw his last breath. It's called nishmaso. We were all there when his nama left. We did shmayol the third time and then we said ashamadu and here's little boy that took the respirator off so you're able to see his face and it was very interesting. You couldn't see it before the respirator but it looked like he was giving a kiss. And then they covered him over and they let the other children in. and his younger brothers and sisters came and they wept by the bed and his sister 16-year-old was holding her stomach. She says, "I can't. I can't." And the gdollum came the next day to give a hespid. But that morning before the Levia, I went to Davin. I was dinging in Sapmer that morning. It's an odd time before the Levia. And as I'm about to din a guy comes over to me and says, "Am people should say amen to my brahas. Do you mind if I tell you the brahas?" And just to me, he said all the brahas. I said, "Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen." And as we speak, the Shiva house is full of people who are recounting this really really amazing boy who actualized his potential at an extremely young age. Never ever complained. All he did was sit and learn and care about absolutely everyone. Everyone who came in the room left feeling that they were just a unique they met a unique person. The African-American worker whose job it was to take care of him came back tonight. It's a long drive. There's nothing to come back to. He should have gone on to the next person. He did. The next person was taking care of is the vision surb. But he he left the vision to come. He says, "I have to sit in the room that mushy sat." I have a video on my phone. I think it's one of the last videos taken of him. I sort of had that feeling. He was sitting in a wheelchair. You see, he had insisted on being brought to sh Yum Kipper. and he insisted on being brought to Shaw on some Torah and while he was in sh somera I have a little mini Torah so I gave him the mini so first he was sitting in the back and he was very weak and you know it's very hard to for him to see everyone dancing and jumping up and down so I had candy I bought a bunch of candy to give out to kids so I went over to Misha I said MMA you're in charge of the candy make sure Every kid only gets one. So much he was there each kid. Did you get yet? Did you get you every one? And he was so much nas he became the candyman. And then we gave him the Torah and I took his wheelchair and we did the dance. You know, we move this way with the Torah. Oh, back and forth with the Torah, wheeling him. And then someone bought the RV Torah. Very big honor. The biggest honor on some Torah. And the RV gave it to Mishi. And they the whole shul they were shocked the rv giving over to Mishi and the wheelchair didn't fit in the gates of the beimma. So we had to have a lot of strong people pick Mishi up with the wheelchair over the gates of the beimma. And then he sat in the wheelchair and we took the big Torah and we leaned it against the bema and he made his last braha his last aliyah. on. So, so I took a video of him after Yantiff and everyone was feeling very leic. So, so I said, "Did you ever hear of Yali?" He said, "Yes, in Cam." That was the main because he went to Kamasim. They took great care of him. So, we began to dance around him Yali after Yaf. So, I'm going to finish with the following ideas. We've spoken just now that every person has amazing potential. We said that each one of you have a letter in the cipher to Torah that represents you. We spoke about the fact that many people feel that they're part of the backdrop, part of the scenery, and they don't become who they could become. That inner greatness never comes out. And we said, if it means to you, you run. Actions speak louder than words. And if you want to feel good about yourself, you have to feel that you've accomplished something. And of course, little accomplishments are are not little, they're big. And everything that you do, one benching the kavana is a great accomplishment. But I'm not becoming a balm muser here. I'm I'm saying that there are accomplishments that you know that you could affect many people. So, I'm going to throw out some ideas that I had and I would love take a minute or two if someone has another idea. I already am calling dibs on my first idea because I like it so much. But, uh these were my quick ideas. And oh, I'm say I have to I have to say this. Someone went to the hospital to take care of the family while they were taking care of Mishi. And they would say, "Okay, he's going to get it right before Shabbat's not going to have time to shop. What's the father's favorite food?" And he would go buy him steak or lamb, right? He somehow found a niche to take care of the family in an amazing way. does a great job at how many tradition soups can you eat? You know, you want you want you want that loving touch that that that that pampering. So, this man's niche became the pampering. And then I thought to myself, probably other people think that lots of people are pampering families of sick children, but they're not. There was a niche. And then I realized there's nearly there are almost no niches out there that are oversaturated. Most are manned by one or a few people or organizations. Many are not manned at all. And you could practically pick anything and make an impact. Practically anything. Nothing is Oh, it's taken care of. Nothing. I don't believe there's anything. So here here are a few ideas. Idea number one, I'm calling it rekindle. And that idea is to create shabatonum for couples who are having difficulties in their marriage. And uh we'll have um uh counselors who were over there. We'll have uh talks men a man will give the talks to the women and a woman will give talks to men. This is what we're thinking right to really. All right. We'll have a jewelry sale mozzar shabas and all men are obligated to buy their wives something something very sparkly and um and to have a real romantic setting that could be right if a marriage is really really on the rocks this is not going to do it but sometimes you need a rekindle sometimes you need that you know no kids allowed that's what in-laws are for friends or whatever right just a couple have a rekindle shabas that a good idea It's not done. Okay. But that's what I'm calling. That's the one I want to do. Okay. Next. I'm just throwing out ideas because there's so much. You want to actualize your potential. The This list took me less than five minutes to come up with. Number two, Kiru for the elderly. I'm going to tell you, people think, oh, you know, older people are not receptive. They're set in their ways. Young people are idealistic. But I'll tell you something, there is a reverse. And the reverse is the older you get, the closer you get to your death. The older you get, the less the silliness of this world stares at you, the less meaningful a shiny car is, the less important a beautiful stereo system is, right? Soon you you begin to you begin to realize life really meant something and you have regrets. And these people many many of them regret that they didn't teach their children more Judaism and maybe their kids married non-Jews and their family went off and just to give them a little bit of life a little bit of kus ku to the elderly means that they can die and go to Ghana they they would be receptive to it. I have seen it with my own eyes. Do you know who's doing it? Nobody's even touching that. Nobody cuz there's nothing in it. It's not gashmak like working with younger people. There's no money involved like working with the middle-aged business tycoons, right? You know, so no, they're just ignored. So that's number two, cure to the elderly. Number three. And number three there may exist out there, but I don't think it exists in the kind of meaningful way that it needs to exist, which is to create a proper one- on-one big brother or big sister mentoring program for kids at risk. And the reason I don't think it really exists is because I know tons of kids at risk and they have no mentor. And if they and everyone knows who they are. So if you know people who are Gishmak, they're outgoing, they've got time on a Sunday and they can take some of these kids who maybe are a year or two or three younger than you and show them a nice time, go bowling with them, become their confidant, you could change your life. I'm sure something like that exists in a small way, but it should be, you know, every every school should be answerable to the to some sort of a body that will assign them a mentor. No. Does that make sense? Yeah. Number four, and this is going to sound a little bit I know I'm a little bit overtime. Is this okay? Yeah. Okay. Number four. A lot of people get married and they go into col or something else and they never went into uh they never went to college and they don't really have skills and they u in their 30s and suddenly they have to start making a parnasa and they have no idea how and they have to first start trying to get a degree and uh being a rebi doesn't pay that much and maybe they don't have a kishik and maybe they're forced into it because what else can they do I think that it makes a lot of sense to have a to have summer camps that teach an actual skill could be fun as well but a skill right and if there were I would send my kids to it because a skill will help you in life now that's not something that you guys can do but since this is for Torah anytime someone likes it do it okay anyone here are is anyone here a photographer It's very easy to take pictures today. You buy yourself a really nice camera and you almost can't take a bad picture and you teach yourself. So I think what there should be is a photography wedding gamak because because uh pictures cost pictures cost a,000300500 and if you ask many people who are struggling to pay for you know if you could save on it and the pictures won't be a zillion% but they'll be beautiful enough we'll use an expensive camera. So what did it cost you a night? and you saved the person $1,300. What's sedaka? You take that off a micer. It's another thing that a person can do. Okay, I'm going skip the next one's too controversial. Okay, here's here is something uh yeah, here here is something that I think uh I think can be done. I'm going to call it project replace. It's a it has to be thought through very well. But with technology the way it is, um when we tell kids, okay, no iPhone, no iPod, no internet, no video games, no whatever, and we don't replace it with anything else, then the kids just basically sneak it or they feel like they're losing out and they become bitter and angry and sad. But I venture to say that if we were able to figure out what the kid would like to do, that would be a replacement timewise, energy-wise, and give the kid that. We don't ask our kids that question. We just tell them no. But let's replace it with something. I call the project project replace. Someone should take a poll out there and figure out what would be a great replacement. And uh we could create a little revolution and we won't have to keep battling these sneaky uh iPod watchers. Okay. A thought they could either like go help the elderly like go food shopping replace iPod you know but you you you could you could have a karate class a lot of a lot of kids if you were to create uh you know if you don't right if there was a guy want to do a mitzvah instead of charging big bucks which the families can't afford. if he gave them that as a replacement and they would have to practice. One of our kids I we we paid for drum lessons and he became a drummer. Great. The last thing you guys could all do Kaneka is coming up. There are loads of public schools out there with in New York with tons of Jewish kids who are totally secular. Make them a Kaneka party. Make a Kaneka party. Is that so tough? It's not. Find out who the public school is. Five of you get together, right? Get some get a cotton candy machine, make it fun, put up some flyers and you can reach out to public school kids with Khan is sort of a neutral, right? They get their thing so we get Kaneka, right? So occur to us. These are these are just examples that of you know a few examples of things that I think could be game changers. But each and every one of you I had a girl Kaisar Rabinowitz who was by our house and we once spoke about this. I said, "Figure out what your potential is, your game-changing concept is." And she started this group with Torah Misora. And she she says, "I know 60 70 girls meet mozzabas. I think I'm speaking for them next week." What is it? It's it's girls who need the who go to regular bayakovs. regular pics but they could use the and they serve pizza and it's a good time and they get a speaker to speak and they get 60 70 girls. Wow, what an amazing thing from one chab is saying figure out what you want to do and it results in 70 girls a week. So each one of you had that potential. So I know we went a little over time but use the seven things. I usually don't write down things on paper but I thought these were important. Use these create change in yourself. figure out how when your time is up after 120 years, Mishi was able to do all seven by the age 20. We can't all be mishes or even if we can, we're not. But Hashem doesn't want us to be because Hashem let us live this long. And Hashem, as Hashem is going to let us let us live much longer, but we're going to live much longer. We want to have what to show for it. Tap into the internet. May Hashem help us all make a great impact on Kalia. [Music]