Shaarei Teshuva 1:12-14 with Rabbi Aaron Dovid Poston

[Music] shalom everyone welcome to the the borah the women's commander of the monsieur tishard nope sorry the shari chuva see how mixed up i am the charachuva so this is going to be i believe it is now what class eight and we are going to be dealing with paragraphs at 12 13 and 14. okay so if you missed anything go back there will be a link in the description box below to a website that has all the previous uh videos that we did previously and i just want to mention for those who are watching now we are taking a short break until october 18th after sukkot we will resume usually we many people take breaks you know between russia sean and sukkot but i have a family sim card coming up this sunday night so we're going to have to break already after the end of tonight's class for uh looks like a little bit over a month okay so without any further ado we are in the charity chuva not the basilici shard and the reason i'm showing you this book because this is an art scroll edition translation and notes that are very very helpful so if you're interested in buying such a safer in english feldheym also puts one out arts girl puts one out and we're very happy to use this particular edition okay now as a preface as an introduction for this uh it's called the third principle we already know that there are three major principles but the uh revenue yeon is going to break down into 20 subcategories so this is the third and it's going to be called grief okay or sighing grief however we have discussed okay means regret so he's going to describe this type i'm not going to call it a subcategory of regret we may call it within regret but it's a deeper level of regret it's another type of regret and it has to do really with the heart with the soul and we're going to try right we're going to try to make it real whatever we're going to discuss tonight in terms of regret make it deeper bring it to a point of grief and we're going to discuss that so we all know that there are three major principles and that would be regret and forsaking the sin that's called to to be committed to stand firm not to repeat the sin again and then of course the third category is called vidui now this according to everybody is the minimum requirement for chuva however as i mentioned the robino yona describes 20 steps so this step tonight we're going to talk about as grief is it's i don't know what i'm looking for it's going to make the kharata real in other words there's harata and then there's like a a supernal level of karata and believe me there's many other steps too so you'll have to come back after october 18th by the way it is your 2020 so you know anybody's watching this in the future you can just watch the next one at some point you don't have to wait till october 18th if that date 2020 has already passed okay so he basically says this what we just described those three processes is the minimal course of repentance and therefore there's some degree of atonement yes there's some degree of atonement here the rebellion begins to list additional principles that comprise higher levels of chuva and the higher you go the greater the chuva is and the more atonement you will you will get but here's the kicker right it brings you closer to hashem isn't that the goal we are really one with hashem and unfortunately we separate ourselves from hashem so that through truva brings us back to where we need to be okay so let's begin he begins by saying she that third principle is hayagon that's grief now he uses these words yeshtonin is probably from the word like mishna or shinnan teeth teeth or shame okay so it means to sharpen right when you chew right it's sharpening it's with with sharp teeth you're able to chew and when you're learning you sharpen yourself so he describes this as arousing the consciousness why is consciousness your kidneys your kidneys is the seed of understanding where you're able to filter through right isn't that what the kidney does it acts as a filter okay so this is where the eights are this is where your counsel you're able to determine and make hopefully right choices for your kidneys so this is how he begins when one should arouse his consciousness and you should really think and contemplate kama rava raw how horrible and terrible is this evil one who rebelled he uses the word defied his creator by going against his word going against his will now if you can really look that's why learning torah is so important because many people don't even know what god's will is right so you have to become um more in tune with with what god's will is hang out with the right people right do shimoosh find a uh a holy family to come close to the yag dil yagon and you're going to grow this grief in your heart right this is what should happen [Music] and what else is going to happen it's going to be a storm that is creating this chaos or filling the blanks in your thoughts right the word mitchell is from probably the word like a vacuum right but it also means to brood for chaos in his thoughts the storm will be in your thoughts and you will sigh with a bitterness of heart over your sins [Music] so this is what should happen if you realize what you have done wrong now the robina yon is now going to define he's defined the principle of grief as an essential part that's going to be profound and it's going to it's part it's partly to create more intense regret now there's a comment here that i did want to i did want to use and let me say he now he now will explain why it's necessary for the pentenant meaning the person doing chuva to proceed beyond basic regret just basic regret you're right it's fine that's going to just get you the bare minimum true of it but we want us we want to soar in the heavens we want to come as close to hashem as possible and we're going to find out that the greater the grief the greater the chuva the closer we come to hashem and that's what we're going to discuss tonight so the comment here says nevertheless grief is classified as a distinct principle according to ray beta jonah it's not merely because it's more intense but because there's an underlying difference between it and regret we will discover the difference between it and regret regret is based on personal considerations such as the punishment one is bound to incur and the damage you actually cause to your soul and it is achieved by severely reprimanding oneself as we discussed in paragraph 10. accordingly any person can come to regret this because of sin that's an easier level to achieve and many people do achieve that but grief on the other hand is based on ready for this pure consideration of your relationship with hashem knowing that you defied god's will and word and it grows from one's keen recognition of that relationship it's all about the relationship keep this in mind whether it's true or not life is servitude is serving the king right right for rosh hashanah it's about that relationship our father our king yes he's a father and he's a king only a person with purity of soul that's going to be the key we need to figure a way to make sure that our soul is sensitive that our soul is pure and only a pure soul can attain grief this whatever we're going to describe tonight as the yagon okay so now in the clear car the clear car sorry the rabbana yona in sriva begins the next paragraph now it's very possible that you have reached this level of regret it appears bad in your eyes for what you've done the sin which you've done but you still have not yet fulfilled the requirement of chuva ki gum hefsid now he's going to give us the analogy if someone lost a dinar interesting what is dino a dinar is a coin i think today they use it in jordan okay but it was an ancient like it's the eight ancient israeli shekel so a dinor was a portion and um a issar which we're about to discuss as well is 1 24th so let's say for example a um five dollar american five dollars or israeli five shekels was the dinar if you lost you would have some some regret you might feel bad but what if you lost 1 24th of that right and that would be a yes sir or let's just say you lost a quarter right or a dime or a nickel right so or ten agaroth so here he describes kigam hefsiddinar of isa if you lost that small amount of money a person would feel bad okay you i mean it's not a major loss and he's going to describe that's going to be that's going to feel like regret when we talk about grief that's when you god forbid i shouldn't say you when somebody loses their entire wealth everything and they're wiped clean that's going to be grief and that's going to be the difference between greek rhett and grief so he says like this for the fact that the fact is that even a minor financial loss like the amount of a dinar or an esar can be somewhat distracts distressing to a person and can cause some regret it could be the cause of the regret however but if someone lost his or her wealth in a very bad way the yachts and he's wiped clean totally from all of his wealth this is not regret that he's going to feel naught show all of tava his soul will mourn i mean we thank god we have no idea maybe we experienced the once in our life but it's devastating right and this is what we're talking about on khatto he'll have this heavy sigh sorry he'll have the heavy sigh vanav show morelo and his soul will be bitter with that person right the pain al sarros rabbos so what happens so similarly if a person suffers severe troubles he suffers severe troubles um and he says like this cause they know net socks and it feels like the pain is everlasting the agon and the sighing this grief is in his heart on a daily basis that's pretty bad what does that mean more than this right even a greater degree of pain and sighing than we just described because why that that was just earthly right you lost your earthly wealth and that should be devastating but even greater than this is when you came to the realization that you rebelled against the will of god and you acted corruptly right the word hishid is corruption but it's also destruction the hit eve like like abomination you acted corruptly and abominably before hashem below you didn't remember who created you right we discussed this before we were like uh the donkey even knows its master here we're really bringing it down to the heart to the consciousness to contemplate about this idea who created you yeshmiah now i don't really like the translation that most people give yeshmiah means something from nothing right we call it x nihilo it's true that god created us seemingly something from nothing yes means something means nothing but that's not how the kabbalists explain it yes means material main ion is pure spirit in other words ain't self so he created matter from energy and that's the way we look at the world well let's just say he's the one who created us as we all know x and hilo as if it was seemingly something from nothing also emo and with with life and kindness he he made for us he granted us now the word time is guiding right through his hand he guides us all the time but call ace the neuter nav show because rega and he's constantly guarding our soul at every moment and we really believe this really in touch with this idea and so what would we think how were we able to fill our hearts to provoke to anger hashem you know we talked about this before but i just want to reiterate there's a difference between somebody who is a sinning who sings who sins knowingly to provoke hashem to anger hashem or out of anger that he has a problem with hashem versus somebody who is weak and knows it's wrong and has a like a weakness has such a desire an earthly desire for comfort or pleasure there's a big difference of course they're a big no-no both of them but when we see other people sin right we can think of them as evil we could but only if they're very knowledgeable and on a very high level but otherwise we should really double kaf's roots we should judge favorably if they if they're known to be evil we don't do this but if they're being only or if they're already known to be righteous so if they're known to be righteous we have an obligation to judge favorably and if they're they know neither intermediates it's meanest it's the proper thing to think of them as and in fact if you see somebody i see certain people that i know they don't keep kosher and i actually say to them and it sounds very strange coming from an orthodox rabbi i tell them enjoy i hope you enjoy your food i think at that point they may not enjoy it but you understand that if they're enjoying it at least they're not trying to anger hashem but we're getting into the mind frame that what we did knowingly is that we did this to provoke hashem how could we have cemented or sealed from our own eyes the sinner's eyes this direct me um from your comprehending heart right how could we have sealed it off how could we have like closed it off this is our problem but rather what's the wise person need to do the hamas the one who is wise and has opened eyes a shared nepach right who is able to open his eyes you he should engrave these things onto his heart to penetrate them into the inner chambers bring them into the most inner chambers of his heart and that is what is going to be uh this this grief when you can bring it down to a level where it's real in your heart and we don't want anybody to get indigestion or heartburn right but we do want to make it so real and you'll see the benefits thereof in the next paragraph now we're in 13. so what is this grief so there are various steps um or levels of repentance and there are such advantages right miles there's list to these different levels and of course the level we're trying to talk about tonight is grief with the goyder is the oys the greater the bitterness and the more intense grief that one can experience or intensity who at the same which means like this that shiva will bring you to purity which comes through sorry it comes through the purity of the soul and the refinement the refinement of the seiko which we normally translate as intellect okay the refinement of the intellect now there is a comment on this i'd like to look at even a person who is not yet pure but whose or whose intellect is not particularly refined can still manage of course to regret his sins but in order to experience the grief that we're discussing tonight today over them you have to have a purified soul and a discerning intellect now i believe there are many people that have very sensitive souls they know there's problems with the world they may not know their own problems but they go a little bit haywire they're not stable and rightfully so because they sense on the most deepest you know internal aspects that there's something wrong even with themselves and they can't pin it and they experience all kinds of phobias but the truth is it's the soul itself telling them there's something wrong okay so hopefully the more purified soul you have and the more discerning intellect you have the greater chance of coming out of these phobias and having a normal i'm using the word normal nobody knows what that means um mature sane god-fearing life okay so now we're back into one on page 34 for those who want to know enough so now in accordance with one's own level of intel intellect or intelligence and to the extent that your eyes are open right to any of the ideas we're talking about above that you realize that by sinning you are rebelling against the will of hashem and he's the one who is giving you everything he's kind he's loving he has sustained you and he nurtures you yearboo the atmo this is greatly intensified yogonabarayanav the sighing the grief that's in your thoughts regarding your your sins your many sins okay which means like this let me just sum up the last statement that he makes in the book since grief emanates from a purified soul the intensity of one's grief is measured by the purity of his soul thus the level of atonement and spiritual elevation that one gains through truth is directly related to the extent of the grief that he feels over his sins so we're going to try to think like okay i want to be one with hashem i want to be so close i want to have the vacant hashem so i need to feel this grief i need to feel what he's discussing here so that i can even purify my soul even greater the fact that i even want to that's already some what of the pure soul now robano yonah cites a verse now this verse is in isaiah 57 16 and we're going to be dealing with this verse for the next bit of time for almost the rest of this paragraph so yeah we talk about it sounds like almost the opposite they tell us not to dwell on it because the yetzer is making us dwell on something so how do we differentiate dwelling on it to getting this level this degree of bitterness and anguish i think it's a great question um we will discuss it now but i think just as a introduction to the idea you know remy nachten and many others they speak about right if you're so depressed that you become paralyzed this is the worst thing you could this is the worst thing that could happen to you on the other hand doing chuva which we're discussing if you could do it out of love if you could do it out of joy so when we're going to contemplate these ideas have in mind we're going to discuss right now king david king david used these words king david was not a depressed individual he was not paralyzed he was not stuck so we're going to use right now his example and i hope that one would not become depressed or paralyzed to the point of despair i think that's the word right when you have despair that there's no way out of it you get paralyzed you get stuck and depressed and maybe even angry there's a lot of emotions that can come from that so listen to the words and i think this will answer your question i'm glad you asked it this is god speaking in isaiah sorry we're going to talk about king david at the end uh isaiah 57 16 not psalms the last verse we're going to deal with is in psalms i think it's 38 10 but in the meantime isaiah 56 57 16. ki leon arrive so god speaking i will not quarrel forever right the word riv is to quorum and i will not be angry forever that's right eternally wrathful this is what god's saying when the spirit from before me aches is aching so god himself is saying when you have this grief i am not going to quarrel forever and i am not going to be eternally wrathful there's light at the end of the tunnel that relationship is re-ignited it's reformed okay listen he says let's hear the whole verse and the souls i made again i want to make sure we understand this verse it will not be forever god says that i will quarrel with you and i will not be for eternity that i am angry because it's the the ruach the spirit that's before me is aching tooth is aching [Music] and it's the souls that i made okay that's all god's speech be uro what does it mean when there is this aching or this pain within the spirit shehu milfanai which is before me the spirit that we have the soul that we have comes from the supernal heights it comes from god which we'll discuss right now so let's just get this idea it's the spirit that comes before me it's that spirit that aches and is tormented by its sins remember this spirit comes before me because it emanates from hashem that's what he means when he says it it's from before me from before me the ruach is liphanai it's before me and he says the atufu which souls are aching the souls that i made the souls that i made god's talking they're aching okay why are they aching because of the sin lo arrive odd below exoth at that point god says once there's aching then he's no longer quarreling and the sinner with the sinner and he doesn't seek to punish him anymore he's not going to be wrathful towards him anymore just think about it it's the cure it's the the aching on our side i mean there's so many verses i i don't have them all in front of me but we're familiar with some of these ideas right it's the brokenhearted that hashem accepts the truth from and the prayers from right you really want your your prayer received then you have to lower yourself humble yourself right the meek shall inherit the earth that's our saying they stole it from us okay that's a jewish concept okay so once we get to this point there is it's like it's going to open you up you're going to feel such relief there's no longer this quarrel with hashem there's no longer this wrath that's coming from him god himself said it you hear the words think this is what god's saying how can i not be merciful and not show favor to the precious spirit that comes before me when the shamath it's the souls that i made he made you he loves you he wants to have that relationship but you have to bring yourself down to that broken spirit and this uh this grief brings you to that point so i think that rohan is asking a very important question where's the balance you have to be balanced how far are you going to go well when you hear this you have to know right away when that grief comes that is a healing grief it's healing so you could be basimbr you could be so happy that now you're close to hashem now listen to the next thing he says this is like an equation math this is why the liability for sin meaning the fact that we sin right the obligations on the fact that we sin will actually become progressively lighter as you s as you have the sighing which becomes heavier so as this the sighing which is the grief gets heavier and heavier this the sin you carry becomes lighter and lighter because it's going to dissipate it's going to disappear it's no longer a reality it's in the past it's gone it's wiped clean no stain and that's the most amazing thing how can you not be happy it's like imagine somebody whose father passes away and leaves them a million dollars how are you feeling the fact that your father died pretty miserable pretty sad but simultaneously the moment that he died you inherited a million dollars you do feel financially secure you do make a bracha on the on the urusha how do you do that when you're in such a state of mourning and available and and sadness so here i i just made i just thought of this example now but i think it's the same thing not the same thing but you know you're experiencing this reality check how you rebelled against hashem but the rebelled and knowing how negative that did to the relationship the fact that you're owning up to it the fact that you actually feel it one should i think i'm not going to use the word the simpler be happy about but to see the light at the end of the tunnel there's no reason to be depressed okay so that sighing is not going to bring about depression but hopefully the opposite it's going to bring you closer to hashem the ultimate pleasure okay let's continue the only very the very fact that you're feeling this is because you have a a pure spirit um of a soul that came from way up so you realize who you are you are a piece of god el yon you're a piece of god himself yes this is a very interesting statement right through this pain of the soul is going to gain more favor with hashem than he would gain through any other troubles and afflictions of the body in other words we know that you sure troubles pains challenges that we experience in this world act as an atonement it's true but what's the difference between the the physical okay so you drop something let's say a very expensive phase and we say mazel tov oh my gosh it was a capara it's okay now that's on the physical level so now think about this on a spiritual level the the grief is actually a greater um it's going to have greater consequences in gaining a capara than the breaking of the dish or the missing of the bus or putting in your hand your hand into your pocket coming out with the wrong change we all know that those things bring atonement right i have to bring i sinned i bring a sin offering right i lose my money whatever right whatever sin offering that i have to bring it's basically a loss of money right but i know that through this there's atonement just think about that that's on a physical level the grief is what god wants you i don't want your cabarnos i don't want your offerings i want your soul i want your broken spirit it's the it's that sighing it's that grief that he really wants and knowing that should bring about a point a healthy love and closeness to hashem he brings an example now this is very hard because we don't really have kings that we relate to so try to imagine someone in great authority he's a king he's so the king will show more compassion to his own disciples meaning people are close to him or his household family members the princes and the princesses who are closer to him they're the nobility they're the respected people of the of the area and what does he do the yitain land he'll give them his grace he'll show his love for them certainly more to his family members and the people that he are surrounding him all the time learning from him and being close to him and serving him than the people that are distant or inferior he calls them the common folk meaning listen to this statement even though the latter are also his subjects meaning everybody in his kingdom are his subjects but you know what the soul is a spiritual entity that is close to hashem and it ranks in nobility in relation to the body therefore the affection of the soul generates greater favor in god's eyes than the affliction of the body so affliction of the soul turns god on more than the affliction of the body and that's what we're aiming for and i'm going to tell you this by afflicting your soul you can avoid all those afflictions of the body because the affliction of the body comes about as a result of not afflicting your soul hear me well you want a successful life afflict your soul and you can you can avoid many of the afflictions that would come in the physical world and we're going to see it shortly rebellion now is now going to show us what the verse means the verse we've been talking about the whole time he's going to go on another level myanmar we already said on the siti the souls that i made right remember still dealing with isaiah 57 16. so the souls that i made god says because they're bringing there's closeness to the heavenly realms and that god will not quarrel when the soul actually aches with remorse it's not a simple regret it's an aching with remorse it's true everything in creationism is comes from his hands but he says the soul that i made which means that he himself is pointing to us that the soul is something unique and very special the fact that he says i made in regard to the souls even though the body and everything else is also something he made it's called his handiwork but what is what is the the usage of the words which i made you know the luchos the tablets with the ten commandments on them the essera de brought it says in i'll tell you where uh exodus 32 16. the luchos marseille kim hema it says marcelo king they are the handiwork of hashem and they are very dear we're talking about the 10 to 10 the the two tablets that the ten commandments are written on if he uses those words in the bible to describe the work the handiwork of god as the tablet something he made so too so too the luchos is also god's handiwork now we're about to hear a gemara in nida 31a i think i skipped it was a certain gamora i wanted to bring okay i want to stop here just to bring a gamora from bro broja 34b we hear this statement i'm sure you have heard it before a a perfectly righteous person cannot stand in the place of about truma what does that mean who's greater in what in god's eyes in terms of atonement there's a few ways to discuss this right that the person who's about true he sinned and he's now returning he went from let's say point zero two to fifty or sixty or seventy he went seventy points out of a hundred and what about the completely righteous person let's say he was like at ninety eight and he went up one notch to 99. so who's greater you see 99 you see somebody at 70. you would think okay there's two ways to look at it maybe the guy who's perfectly righteous is greater but the gamora actually discusses there's a mock locus there's an opinion that says the perfectly righteous person is greater there's the other opinion that the valtryev is greater and therefore a righteous person cannot stand in the place of the the baltruga so what are we looking at here what do you mean greater the greater the effort right for the perfectly righteous person he never tasted sin so there's no battle there's there may be no battle there may be no great effort on his part so the person who went from zero to 70 made tremendous leaps and bounds in his life overcoming on the other hand like i mentioned there there's a mock locus and it's based on one particular verse and this particular verse is in um did i write it down it's an isaiah 57 19 because we dealt with 57 16 i thought it was relevant to bring so it says in isaiah 57 19 peace peace to him that is far off and to him that is near i will heal him so what's the name shalom is god's name peace is one of god's name so when you have peace peace to him that is far off the opinion that the bolshevik is greater because he's closer to god's name the one who is far off he was far off and he then he returned he would be on a higher level and then the one who is near that's the righteous person and he's further away from hashem that's according to one opinion but guess what i told you it's a mock locus there's an opinion that says no the righteous person is actually greater than the bolshevik and he uses the same verse well how can he use the same verse peace peace to him that is far off how can that be talking about the righteous person or completely righteous person so according to that opinion believe it or not he reads it like this peace peace god's name to him that is far off from sin who never sinned and to him that is near for um near to sin so who is far off from sin that's completely righteous and to him that is near from sin near to sin that's the bout him i will heal okay i just wanted to go through that before we now approached this this very important gamora in need the 31a we're talking about the lujos where god's handiwork and the similarity that the soul is god's handiwork so believe it or not this is a famous expression that there are three partners in man okay this i like to call the holy trinity okay i like to call the holy trinity and um hell here's how it goes right you have the father you have the mother and you have god right and let me read the gemara the sage is taught in need of 31a there are three partners in the creation of a human being the holy moon blessed be he that's one partner his father meaning the the human father and the human mother the father emits the white seed from which the following body parts are formed anything that's white the bones the sinew the nails the brain that's in the head and the whites of the eye the mother emits red seed from which they form the skin the flesh the hair and the black of an eye the holy one be blessed be he inserts the spirit within him the soul the countenance the ukulaster the eyesight the hearing of the ear the capability of the speech of the mouth the capability of walking with legs understanding and wisdom that's really all i wanted to read but i want to read the next line anyway and when a person's time to depart from the world arrives the holy one blessed be he retrieves his part and he leaves the part of the person's father and mother before them so okay so what are we trying to say remember we said it was god who made the soul so here he says there are three partners in man aviv now i want to i want to do this mathematical equation with you the word adam aleph dalit mem has a gematria of 45 aleph is one dollar is four and mem is 40. so if adam is 45 off the aim which is mom and dad actually comes out to what of is aleph and bet so that's three aim is aleph mem which is 41. so 41 plus three right we said a little bit it's three is what's 44. what are we missing one so that's the aleph and then there's dom aleph always represents hashem aloof the master the the grand master is right aloof uh aleth is one god's one but the how do you how do you write it in aleph with a love which one is on its side and then two yards sprouting out so to speak so the unit is ten so good times two because it's two units is twenty and the above is six twenty 26 is the gematria of hashem so we think of aleph it almost it always represents one god hashem and that's the uk above king fine so he's the one who plays the i said there were three partners you have the of the aim and you have the aleph okay so that was for those that followed it great let's go on we mentioned there are three partners but guess what the father and the mother didn't really participate in the soul i know my kids they're so glad they're they're honoring their mother and their father because we gave them life but that was just a physical life right what makes them human so to speak you know jews right souls it's the soul and that only god had a pardon only god had a part in okay since the father and the mother have no share in all at all in the creation of the soul that's why it says right going back to the verse we're dealing with god says and it's the souls that i create i made them so the fact that it says it's going to demonstrate the parallel phrase remember we talked about the the soul before me aches it's the soul that i created is aching god created your soul to ache it wants to be cleaving with god he created it that way [Music] it's everything as we just explained and let me just read the words he has here that the spirit emanates from the heavenly realms meaning before me before hashem and that's why when it grieves and aches over sin it gains a person higher levels of atonement it brings you closer to hashem now we will continue with paragraph 14 which is very short okay so bizrat hashem this is king david's statement in psalms 38 10. now we're not going to do this great delving into the verse like we did with isaiah however we should really contemplate and this will give us the answer king david served hashem with such joy he knew that was the answer and yet he says hashem before you you know everything about my desires you created me you you can read my kidneys right you know the depth of of everything that i sort and sift through and yet he says my sighing is not concealed from you you want hashem to be cognizant of this groaning of this grief and this is going to hopefully you won't be depressed so basically king david is saying it's well known and revealed before you you know all of my yearnings you know all of my desires right who knows the thoughts in my head only hashem there's really nothing except being involved in serving you okay and all the grief that we experience in this world should be nothing compared to the grief we have when we fall short in service to god this is where you have to i'm not saying you have to but he's describing this idea that there's the physical world and the grief and the regret that we may have on this level a lower level cannot even compare as we've been saying over and over again to the grief that we should have in our soul listen to what he says you know about my sign he ain't this is king david so he we know he's on a very high level he's got the soul of the messiah very high level but he's he's guiding us he's telling us what we should be thinking how we should be acting how we should be praying how we right how we should be doing and he says you know about my saying and my sign is not about the failures in the matter of this fleeting world this world which is going here today gone tomorrow all the physical entities right if i lost all of my wealth right it's nothing compared to the grief that i would have if i sinned all these physical worlds are going to cease to exist but my soul is eternal zulati except for the grief that i want you to recognize hashem and the only grief i really want to have is the grief about my sin and that is this this what we call the negative commandments violating the adults we call them transgressions the al qaeda yadi and the shortness i have in my service to you that's talking about the positive commandments when i fall short of doing them this is the only thing that i want to feel true uh grief over not over the external things now romano yon is going to just clarify king david's closing words the um so one who prays intensely and he prays and he says to hashem in a prayer in a prayer that he himself prepared me right my sign that i have is from fear of you and we're talking about a healthy fear therefore removed from me all other causes of sight my only sign that i want to really truly feel and have you here right is we're going to describe right now the only thing i worry about is my shortness in serving or deficiency and serving you therefore remove from me all other worries the only worry that i want to have is spiritual concerns spiritual worries and i guarantee this is one of the things we talked about earlier you will benefit so much more physically right many of the physical deficiencies will no longer exist now it may be because you're emotionally and intellectually and psychologically push them off and they therefore they don't mean anything that that's very realistic and it's very possible but right we all know the famous story about ushia right this i i'll tell the story best i can i'm not a great storyteller but there were these uh tom eating the students of the belgentov and they they had complaints about the way that life was going and they they thought they were suffering and he says no you i want you to go and speak to this usher this ramushia and he will tell you all about suffering and they go they go and they travel to i think it's out of topoli and they meet this man in this oh my god i guess he was he makes charcoal and his whole house is full of thick black smut on the walls and he's got nothing nothing nothing i mean worse than poverty and so they said you know the the rebbe told us to come to you and to speak about suffering and he said i think you made a mistake because you said to the wrong person i'm not suffering at all okay so it could be like i said could be that psychologically you're no longer suffering but i believe it's much more than that it's a metaphysical reality you will not suffer yeah if you have this angle right of having true grief true aching in the soul but you have to wake up you have to know this is the real truth this is the pain that i have for going against for defying for rebelling against the one who created me and he created me with all this ability to ache and i'm not even using it i'm not even feeling sorry about it so i think once we realize how valuable it is i don't think you get so depressed maybe i haven't reached it myself yet maybe i have anyway so that's my prayer right now it's heir of rosh hashanah we're not meeting again for another month in a bit uh we're coming before the king of kings we we are not doing confession on rosh hashanah right we're crowning the king we want to glorify him okay at least that will put some things in perspective then hopefully during the 10 days of chuva we could really get in touch with this grief i mean be before rosh hashanah and after roshana get in touch with his grief and have a such a transformative coming here through yom kippur itself and vizrat hashem will continue this series afterwards and now i'm going to open up to any questions and anybody has anything to say comments questions i still didn't like that how do you get to this level of grief without really intensely concentrating on it nobody said you should concentrate on it you're asking how do you experience this type of grief without getting depressed is that what you're no no no not not depressed is no focusing on it thinking about it you know uh um kind of going over and over in your mind this is what how do you get to that level of grief without really looking at depth because i know we're not supposed to focus and you know in depth depth i'm missing a word without being say it again because i miss something how do we get to the point where we feel grief unless we are looking at whatever it is we've done that we're trying to do two before deeply into it focused because they know we talk about you know we shouldn't be so focused on it because that's it's hard no no i think you have to clarify what you're talking about maybe i'm wrong the yates and hara wants you to feel that so depressed that there's no way out that you're such a horrible person and there is no remedy and therefore he wants to paralyze you everything we talked about here is not to paralyze you but to actually realize this is what you need to come close to hashem and if you have that clear i don't believe you would be paralyzed i think you would outsmart your yetzera okay that's my opinion i think that when we think i mentioned i think i've heard these ideas let's say within breslav right that within the truman i think i don't think they have a monopoly on it do and you know what i love about the smart theme especially have you ever been to a smarties absolutely joyful now i'm not going to say anything negative against this ashkenazim i'm ashkenazi i'm not gonna ask myself the difference is between night and day okay i most of these that i read in the art scroll i must read in english or i'm missing it right there are obviously the 13 principles the certain things we say over and over again that it's easier hebrew it's easier to understand and we say with everybody else but there are stanzas that are just very hard to understand what they're saying and therefore i have to read in english and it's a little bit depressing and even the the the atmosphere is quite depressing but hang out with some smarties in ill that's my suggestion to you go to a smarty slichot okay if you can they are they are stewing truva from such love and joy and if you can understand this grief is going to bring you closer to hashem it's not depressing at all okay you realized what you have done that you've removed yourself you have betrayed your relationship you have rebelled in your relationship but the very fact that you're admitting it and that you're feeling the grief is already lightening the load of the sin i know they sound very intellectual but that's where that's where it's at it's in a it's very emotional and as you experience this emotion you should be cognizant of the intellectual reality and maybe it's an also emotional reality that hashem created you he wants this anaka and through the through the sighing and the grief you are repairing that relationship does that make any sense it actually makes a lot of sense to me if uh do you mind if i get like personal for for a moment please i i'm in a position where once upon a time i had a great job and i went to shul and everything was happy but then all of a sudden hashem decided you're not working anymore i don't work anymore i can't drive anymore and my husband has to take care of me i am not able to function on my own and i have been told that i need to be seeing a professional ecologist i try a time for it the only success i had was when i went to someone who was from and unfortunately she moved after six weeks and i miss her very much because i had nothing to say to anybody i tried to tell people like look they told me you're supposed to be depressed and i said yes and i probably should be except i had me out with hashem all day he loved me so much took me away from my job and my company is not the same as it was when i left he told me stopped me from going to school and then coveted it and everything went crazy he made my husband move into a smaller place which turned out to be so much better for him and i can look you know hashem orchestrated everything so perfectly so i feel like i'm trapped in my house a lot and i should and i i've been told you know you should really be very depressed about this like i'm not depressed i'm not even sad i'm a very happy person i'm uncomfortable a lot don't get me wrong i'm in a lot of pain with a lot of the difficulties that i have physically but i'm not unhappy i am however uncomfortable and there's a huge difference and i try to explain this to people and very hard to explain to people who don't have a relationship with hashem i think that maybe would have tried may tie into what muhammad was trying to ask about trying to be depressed like i'm not depressed but apparently i'm supposed to be according to all the people who know me right you're right i think you gave a very good example very pertinent life story and it sounds like you know revucia look the only thing i can say to recommend is to review this chapter maybe three more times right they say that if you don't learn something four times it's like you never learned it so meditate on it ask hashem with grief it's not a bad thing with not regret but with grief that you don't understand it you know beg hashem to open up your heart open up your mind open up your eyes because that's what we're talking about here so through learning torah perhaps you misunderstood some of the things that you had learned and hopefully that this will clarify the true learning because i get it they do talk about this that if you focus too much on the pain on the grief so then you're paralyzed and you're depressed and you and the yates and ira wants to get you that's the trick in the scheme so here you're talking about hopefully in a balanced way where you're not going to allow the yetzer to convince you see after you learn this you realize that's not what's going to happen you're not going to stay a sinner you're not going to god will accept it see that's what it wants you to think god won't accept your truth he was saying no the the anakha the the agon is a key it's actually open up the truth it's going to bring you to much higher levels anyway keep smiling i see that smiling face the picture anyway um so let me just wish everyone a shana tova unless you have more questions and just keep on keeping on keep learning keep the faith and share share your happiness with others and bizrat hashem we'll have a few more people join us after uh sukis so hacks everyone thank you thank you [Music] a