Shaar HaBitachon Lesson 3 with Rabbi Shais Taub

welcome to class number three before we continue and move on we're going to answer some questions that came in over the past twenty three and a half hours first thing is that in yesterday's class when we were talking about somebody places his trust in himself being a bit high I was saying people may place their trust in things other than a Shem and one of those things that a person places a trust in erroneously incorrectly is he could place his trust in himself and so I mentioned because you know one of the teachings of the Baal Shem Tov is that for an out staff man learning for nowt stuff in there a stamina hero innovator session then everything that you fan out first man said to buff my hair it up in a raise them in a higher or innovator session so whatever you hear whatever you see whatever Bosh gotta practice we know about in the world right now you have to apply to us we only know it because it's to teach us something so when I mentioned the idea of placing our trust in ourselves which is a misplace or it's myth a misplaced trust our trust should only be in a Shem so I mentioned yesterday the governor said God didn't do this we did this okay so based on a question or two that I got I just wanted to clarify so people were saying that maybe I was making a political statement about the policies first of all if you want to know first of all a1 has nothing to do with the other one has nothing to do with the other whether or not whatever I had said or not said about shelter in place or about quarantine or any of those things that's first of all why because as a rabbi I have a duty to speak on one thing on belief and faith and morality and when a leader when a person respond the others the words God did not do this no matter what his intention was no matter what his frustrations were even if religious people or people so-called religious people people with religious excuses we're doing foolish things and he was trying to negate those foolish things and and I may even agree with what he's addressing the problem that he's addressing by the way one time I saw a bumper sticker that said doesn't God prefer spiritual fruits to religious nuts I think that's true even if he's speaking to negate certain attitudes that people have of misplaced faith or a misappropriation of faith so-called faith and he said what he said you can't utter those words I'm sorry you can't utter those words you can never say the words God didn't do this but but that's first of all but second of all if you want to know what my stance has been so I just wanted to check to make sure that I I recalled correctly but my partial shear from Paris for yak Hill which was published on March 18th so back March 18th and I clearly stated in this year that whatever the medical experts are telling us and that abundant there for our past getting according to the medical best advice of the medical profession that that is not only any evidence II know that itself is the homra you want to be from you want to be mock Mia then be mock me and be through him about following whatever it is that the doctors told us to do so that that would that my can my my stance and that was very very clear and now I'm gonna get flack tonight that tomorrow for the people who are against that okay so be it at any rate so that that's that and and and and I also want to clarify something we spoke about in yesterday's shear that his dad was pathetic vltava is not a steerer to be talking whatsoever remember we spoke about the idea that the bata bhai himself says he aims how to be talk that you have to take normal responsible natural steps and then place your place your trust in Hashem and if you remember we mentioned what the outfit ever says and look what they paid up we explains there about the formula see ya on one hand it's graphic or emilycarol bahala share pass it I shall mo bless you and everything you do you have to do we can't just sit there right like the joke everybody knows but the guy who prayed hush and make me rich and Hashem says fine I'm gonna make you win the lottery and then the next day they draw the lottery and he says Hashem I thought I won the lottery but I didn't win the lottery my sham says did you buy a ticket right did you buy a ticket so there has to be establish before I should pass it and everything you do so you have to do and the doing is the vessel with with which we hold on to the blessing but at the same time like the outfit ever says that it's yogya kappa huh it is only the toil of your external capacities and that you save your mind in your heart for Hashem so it may seem like a contradiction it's not a contradiction whatsoever what do we do we do what you're supposed to do okay if it comes to health you do what the doctor tells you to do if it comes to making a living you have to have a job you have to go to work you have to have a forward some type of a business some natural way that a responsible person would deal with these things okay and all of that is absolutely no contradiction whatsoever that when we go through those motions we do those things and we're scrupulous about doing those things that that's not where we put our emotional focus whatsoever our mental focus and our emotional focus that's not where it is that's not where our security comes from our security comes from the fact we know Hashem is doing it all so even when we followed everything that we're supposed to do naturally and in the manner of Estados and what we called last night making a CLE making a vessel in in nature and and and we do and we do and we're making we were very careful to make sure that everything should be done in a natural way but even after we do all of that we understand that that's not what brings about our success remember you can do everything that you're supposed to do and a mensch trapped and got locked and things don't turn out the way that they're supposed to okay so when things turn out in a way that is favorable to us we should be grateful even when we did the right things that we were supposed to do in a natural way okay and that's not a contradiction at all I also got questions moving on I also got questions about what we spoke about yesterday that there's a Siffin look at the surface Halen good cast specialist Kyra when the nether explains that it's not a contradiction with the maiden evoke him what the Rambam says I made an Evoque I'm about hush gothic lawless general supervision and what the Baal Shem Tov says about a scuffle practice and without rehashing all of that because if you want to see it it's on the recording from yesterday sheer but we had a few questions about that again first of all one question was where do I find the seeker there's this five surface from Parsons Clara and Caleb good kinds of look at the surface that's true it's the second seeker in partial carrier its pages 196 to 201 five pages as a short seeker very deep very rich but it's it's not that long but one of the questions that was asked about that is what we explained is when a person this was based on what we read in lesson 1 in our first class we're a bit of a hiya says that when somebody puts his be talkin in something other than a Shem then what happens effectively he creates that reality for himself a day it says that Hashem is macer hush kaha Seimei olaf hashem removes as much Gotha from that person and he puts that person into the hush Gotha of the thing that he's trusting in so we explained it doesn't mean that actually that that thing that you are that you are that you think you're dependent upon that that thing is actually running your life I mean that's impossible think about doesn't even make sense doesn't mean that that thing is actually running your life what it means is it's gonna feel like that thing is running your life however obviously theologically that would be an impossibility that other thing is not really running his life it will just seem that way now somebody asked a question that if that is so we mentioned that this is the idea of the house stood upon him that a Shem is is concealing himself so if that so is this not a vicious cycle the person who sees that other powers in the world are worthy of his trust and he doesn't see how shamans being worthy of his trust so he's going to make that shift and he's gonna start seeing things that way and then it's you know it's like a search engine bubble that the things that you go and google for that's what Google tells you more and more about they say now that's why everybody's political opinions are so extreme because the search engines they learn what you're looking for and they just it's called the echo chamber it just gives you more and more of the same stuff that you're looking for so a person who's seeing that the worlds random cruel fate that's what he's getting more and more of how do you ever break that so that was a question that came in and and it's a wonderful question the answer to that is that this is precisely why we need to understand that this is Hester upon him this is a concealment then it's only bit so Gnaeus externally it appears that this other thing where things are running his life but but anemias hashem is the one who's still running his life and what that means is that underlying it all there still is that unbreakable bond and that call it subconscious or unconscious connection were deep down even when a person's mind is telling him that random cruel fate runs the world deep down in his heart he knows that it's really a tion and that was never removed from him and he can not only get back in touch with that but he had it all along that that's his deepest connection as to that reality I was thinking also when preparing for this class about this idea you know we see what we're looking for there's a song which I heard years ago and fabrini ins of Hasidim wanna see them get together in the fabric it's a song that usually you don't hear until three or four in the morning and it's a song that was written by accosted Habad hosted from russia and a bench of shem tov have been seen champion so he wrote this negan and actually I didn't realize I found out just yesterday that he collaborated with young fella young fella who was in samarkand which is a place where a lot of Jews fled from communism and they fled from the war and it was sort of like an oasis of Yiddish kite in the Soviet Union during during a certain era during the war the post war and anyway so young Tavella collaborated with a debenture Shem Tov and there's this song I mean it's I think it's 20 verses long it's a long song but the refrain every after each paragraph is this knee themed neecie neecie mhod dish and varus Ville canvassing varus Ville kenzan so miracles miracles miracles happened he who wants to can can no converse him he who wants to consent can see so it's all dependent upon what you're looking for one person would have the same experience and say it was terrible we were in communist Russia and we were you know who was in control the Communists were in control and where was Hashem and the other person could have the exact same experience and not only not to see it that way but he would see it as constant miracles Nissa Nissa Nissa vodka shot okay I also want to share with you I mentioned earlier parsha share that I gave a few months ago so I'll mention also be self self referential and I'll mention a partial fear that I gave a few weeks ago I think right after Pesach so I spoke about mushiya after intial Pesach of mushiya soda so partial right after that I spoke about about mushiya and I was speaking about well it doesn't matter the whole connection but the point is I was saying chef isn't something you get excited about because of a particular reason Bashir has always a constant reality and a possibility of every side now that was the connection they said you know it's like hahaha practice stories I said usually I don't like gosh girl prep the stories why because why do people tell them and what are they trying to convey they're trying to say oh look Hashem got involved what do you mean he got involved it's as if you're saying there's this you know regular way the world runs oh but this one exception it was really wild this guy he had a ticket to go fly and then he got a flat tire and he missed the flight and the plane blew up already okay you know they're nice stories for speakers to tell because they're dramatic and everyone gets excited but the implication of the lot of the hushka well of the whole genre my Chicago brought the stories is really it's not it's not a very good implication implication is oh this thing was hush go practice but normally normally it's not so my brother David who I'll also refer to another project of mine we have a video podcast lovin and I having discussions we started a few weeks ago called two brothers discussing interesting subjects or something like that anyways so he was telling me that his daughter in school his young daughter she had an assignment to come to class with a hush cough a practice story so so he told her that she should go to class and and say this morning I got up and on my way to school I saw a red car and that's it and that that should be her Chicago brought the story and my niece says to my brother I can't do that my teacher won't like that he says well she should like that how is that not a Hitchcock upfront the story so if you see a red car that's not a Chicago practice no but nothing dramatic happened but that's precisely the point why does it have to be it's something formulaic that something dramatic happened in order for it to be Hashem running the world Hashem is always running well okay fine so those are some of the issues that came up and let's go further in the text let's try to cover a little bit of ground so we just finished discussing a person who has trust in himself because of his wealth or because of his strength or because of his wisdom now we're going to talk about people putting their trust in other people and there's a there's a term for this there's a 2020 term for making somebody a God substitute in your life turning to another human being and asking them to fill the role in your life that really only your Creator can fill and the term is called being a codependent because what's a codependent the codependent is really somebody who wants to get that need for security and safety that need for the world to be a safe place and a place that makes sense they want to get that need met through other people and therefore what happens we become desperate to get other people to give us this we think they have it they that we think they hold our serenity and therefore we've got to get it from them and so either we manipulate usually manipulate you know or well we strongarm them we demand it from them we plead or we beg and all these ways we try to get something from human beings that they don't really have for us you know we call it people-pleasing what's people please why are people people pleaser so if you don't like being a people this stuff so stop being a people pleaser why why can't we stop because a codependent as an addict they're addicted to the addict what does it mean it means I can't stop people pleasing if I stop people pleasing what's gonna happen to me you see my security my success my my safety is in the hands of another human being so I you know if I if I don't make sure that that person likes me then my life is over so when we put our trust in other people and when we literally idolize them by expecting them to do what only Hashem can do so what we do is we put ourselves and our emotional well-being completely in their hands let's look at what the bane of a high assess mayhem among the advantages I'll be talking Shabet AFL Hakeem y'know that one who believes in Hashem brings these advantages half - huh say olive shall a evangelist a the one who trusts in Hashem will not submit to another it will not subjugate himself make himself an avid a slave to another see trust in Hashem is freedom Stenehjem is freedom freedom from having to subjugate myself to people places and things and primarily here through it somewhat to people to relationships mashaallah akawally ish he won't put his hopes in people Malloy yeah Yahoo live nailed them and he won't put his trust in human beings that sounds so cynical he won't hope in people he won't trust in people it's not cynical at all we're meant to love people who love them don't trust in them I'll be with the who Bennett give him we said everyday in the Avenue don't trust in the generous people how much more so the non generous people right even the generous people don't put your hopes of him listen I can love people a whole lot better when I don't put my hopes in that or another way of saying it is I heard it put this way it was really good expectations are premeditated resentments you want to have a resentment against somebody so decide how they are supposed to behave and then you know get disappointed in them when they don't do it especially when you've put your emotional well-being on the line and that you know if they don't treat you the way you want to be treated you know then you've already agreed with yourself that you're gonna be miserable so then of course you're gonna get a resentment the law yeah I've named this rocks isolation you're not gonna be subservient to them in order to win their favor in order to curry favor to appease them to get them to like you the exhausting job of image maintenance right making sure that people think of me when I need them to think of me because my welfare and my success is all dependent on them giving me what I need right that that that idolatry that just exhausts us because we create these idols for ourselves the law yeah any flaw and you're not you don't have to flatter them up what freedom that is that you could actually have a conversation with somebody and just be honest by the way it doesn't mean to be a jerk doesn't mean to be blunt or or or brash but see it and see this that's the beauty of it when you're being nice to someone it's cuz you're being you're really being nice to them see flattery is I'm not really being nice to you I'm using you I just can't admit it so you know I'm you know trying to trying to butter you up but when I don't need anything from you because my father's taking care of me now it can be nice to you just because it's the right thing to do just because you're one of God's kids so now I don't have to flatter I don't have to flatter you I can compliment you and it'll be a real compliment and I don't have to flatter no more flattery by the way do you know what the highest form of flattery is a plateau think about it the highest form of flattery is a plateau okay it's a geography joke and you can think about that okay Val are you asking me mine the Vil TR Vegas well Hakeem and you will not agree with them anything that is not for the service of a Shem in other words oh we don't become so weak and so dependent on other human beings that we end up doing what the ultimate form of self betrayal the ultimate self betrayal is we compromise our principles and our values out of fear that we'll lose people but if we don't need people if we know we have our Shem now we'll never do that we're not gonna go along with something we're not going to go along something and compromise our values and our principles just because we're living in fear of losing a relationship and again it's not that we don't care about people now we can really first begin to care about people you know genuine relationships m'lady yeah free day whoo and Jana and their matters mean whatever they've got going on won't frighten us anymore well are ye a mimic like a son and won't be afraid of their disputes we won't be afraid of home maybe they'll disagree with me maybe they'll disagree with me that's okay I will rather what will happen when we no longer put our puffins and other human beings yes posh it it's very poetic here miss posh it made me need a toy vaasam wee take off the clothing he calls it like removing this excess clothing of of relying on favors Vitara paid awesome and the burden of having to show gratitude the famous Mulan and and and repaying them for their good now I just wanna make sure it's very clear what this means it doesn't mean that would become ingrates and that we're no longer appreciative we no longer say thank you no it means it's quite the opposite we can finally really say thank you because while we were depending on them we weren't saying thank you because we were really a priest if we were say think because we're afraid it's barter it's emotional barter it's we're trading flattery compliments you know it's all emotional manipulation it's not genuine because because we're afraid that we're gonna lose their good favor the good graces but when we're no longer living subservient to them now you can say thank you can really mean it you continues vmu eight here hi son and let's say you have to critique them let's say you have to criticize them okay it is a mitzvah to to criticize from time to time lawyers are a bit of a them that itself needs to be discussed I think we won't worry about their honor the EEMA yeah climbing layaway schmayaway at them he will not be timid before them they Apple ahem a shocker and he won't beautify falsehoods you know tell him a pretty story what does it mean it doesn't mean to become vindictive you know somebody who enjoys critiquing or enjoys criticizing that's not what it means it means that when there's a case where you do have to tell somebody an unpleasant truth you're actually able to be real about it and not having to sugarcoat that because of because of our fear of of human beings Kamisha Amira Navi like the Prophet says Bosch Emily Keene Yas early Hashem will help me alkane loyal auntie are there for I will not be embarrassed alkane some t4i cattle Amish that I've made my face like a Flintstone that means tough not like Fred Flintstone viii Aquila aviation I know I will not be ashamed Mohamed and it also says I'll tear Amihan do not be afraid of them of people media am in of their words al tira don't be afraid bomber it says media vram al tira don't be afraid of their words mean a amount a hose don't be don't be frightened before them but armor it says I'll tell him in a ham don't be afraid in front of them sounds repetitive it but how many times it says over and over and over again in theater don't be afraid of people I'll kill him if name don't be afraid of them bomber I'll tell Hasmukh man don't be afraid of them the armored Kshama Kozik me tyrannicide team it's taco I made your forehead strong like the dashami or worm it just means I gave me some confidence and give you a backbone some principles lacy rely some the lace a husk meep Nahum don't be afraid of them don't be frightened by them don't be intimidated so what are we saying here we're saying that finally with be talking you can have integrity in your relationships this doesn't mean that we don't care about people anymore to the country now we finally can care about that we weren't caring about them before we were using that it was codependent it was sick because we thought that our happiness is dependent on them and it's not solely dependent on a sham he's taking care of us and once we accepted that reality now we can finally relate to them from a genuine place where we're aligned with our values and with with with our truth and and now real genuine bonding can can finally occur okay that's where we're going to leave off tonight we thank everybody for joining us and amaya Hashem we will see you tomorrow night thank you you