Self-acceptance or change? Part 2, Class # 43

okay welcome everyone to another wednesday night the fundamentals to gain inner peace and we're up to class number 43. which is beautiful and amazing so before we start let's find ourselves wherever we are come into the room from wherever you're coming from physically emotionally what they look like was it stressful busy or maybe doing nothing bored you never know just to become aware of where i am and uh to go inside to see how i feel emotionally become aware of how you feel if you feel anything in your body stress just to become aware of where we are so last week we discussed the ideas of self-acceptance and change and could be with did a little bit fast last week just the basic concepts but just to continue on that which is a important concept and something that it might take time because there are two types of acceptance there's only one that we're looking for the other one we discussed last week was more apathy the feeling of who cares i can't whatever it's like many people have the attitudes whatever and they think they're in a good place but that's not what we're looking for so to be able to accept the question that we discussed many people feel that they wouldn't change they wouldn't be looking for anything new anything different to grow if i'm happy where i am right and if i'm happy where i am which sounds amazing but i'm not going to want to grow and continue or whatever it is and we discussed uh financially you know you have to pay your bills make money i'll say you know what i'll just stay where i am or maybe you're at a job that you don't like and just to say whatever this is what hashem wants and it gets tricky because we do um put in we say this is what hashem wants but we have to talk about that really it might be something that you believe about yourself but that doesn't have to be true and you don't have to stay there so where does acceptance come in should i accept where i am or not should i look for change and looking for change sounds like a little bit of anxiety because if i'm not i'm not happy where i am so i want to get out of it we've discussed many weeks that that's the reason why of many people are running away from they're running away from becoming aware of where they are and becoming facing reality of things they don't like and now you're bringing up change so it's a little tricky but once that acceptance the other side change you can change the way you think feel you can set your intention so if that's the case where does acceptance come in so that's why it's important to understand acceptance is not what we discussed last week the apathy now i do want to read what i read last week from the book letting go i can show you this is from dr david hawkins and they have different levels of emotions different consciousness of how people feel and i'm not going to go over the the words that i said last week but it's going to be in a shorter in a shorter version so here we here we go the numbers that he has are they go up to six hundreds and that's the most positive it gets it's peace being peace you know in a peaceful state but it starts off all the way down um by by 30 or by 20 20 is shame if somebody feels shame that's a very very low low consciousness low energy it goes up to guilt guilt is 30 it's a little bit more we're not going to go through the whole thing maybe a different time and after guilt is apathy and i'll read the shorter version this energy is categorized by hopelessness playing dead being a drain to others being immobilized and the feelings is i can't and who cares so that's it it's it's just a feeling of i can't and who cares so that's not acceptance and that's not what we're looking for to say you know it is what it is and i'm accepting this is what hashem wants and if this is what hashem wants so this is it but we have to be very careful is that acceptance or apathy and i'm going to go all the way up to acceptance which is 350. so again it goes to after apathy goes up the grief fear desire there's more energy in these words um anger than his pride courage neutrality willingness and then acceptance so there's a lot of levels together to accept inspire but let me read the word on the definition the short definition of acceptance this energy is easy going laid back harmonious flexible inclusive and free of inner resistance if what we well we discussed many times free of letting things happen whatever comes up in the resistance life is good you and i are good i feel connected it meets life on life's terms there is no need to blame others or blame life so we can see pretty pretty clear the difference between apathy and acceptance and that's something we need to look out for of when i say okay whatever it's fine i'm happy where i am is it a feeling of giving up or it's really accepting so that's what let's continue talking about this to be able to see how we look at it and before we continue if you could think just of any part of your life something that's you would love to change if you would want it to be different something that you don't like um which you might call negative if you don't have any then you might have to go back to some classes before to see there is no such a thing nothing is perfect and uh it's always either you know a little bit black a little bit white the cup is half full half empty there are always things that we don't like but if we're not in touch with our emotions we could be walking around saying my life is perfect and that's we have to check in again is that do you really feel that way or maybe you gave up maybe you don't believe it could change so it's like okay whatever it is what it is and that's apathy we're not looking for that so yes becoming aware of how i feel certain things i would love if it would be different and uh it's not working the way i want and i don't like it and i can stop and feel the way it feels that's important so think of a place in your life an area or anything it could be big small whatever it is you can write it down if you want you can share it in the chat which goes direct to me but if you don't you don't have to you can write it down on a piece of paper next to you which area of your life do you feel you would love if it would be different a nice way of saying it if you have this if you have areas in life that you're angry about beautiful and i'm sure you know about it i don't have to tell you but for those who feel my life is pretty good trying to figure out if that's apathy or acceptance so pretty good is nice beautiful what are those small things that you would maybe want to be different and if you would have a choice you would maybe change it write it down let's become aware there is a famous serenity prayer many people know about which goes it goes like this god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference so here we go there are things in our life that we can change so grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change and those things that i could change please give me the courage to change those things and the challenge is to have the wisdom to know the difference is this something that i can change when something comes up something on your list that you would love to change you would love it would be different in your life ask yourself this question is it something that i can change very important because if it's not that's where we can we can learn acceptance the right way which we'll learn tonight not saying okay it's not working out i can't change anyways i don't care i give up whatever i guess this is what hashem wants for me it's just too bad my life is just a wreck and you feel that's acceptance no that's not what we're looking for so if it's something you can't change that's where we need acceptance if it's something you could change we could work on it yes like we discussed the way you think about it what are the words you use what's your intention and uh many times things could change now the last part is the wisdom to know the difference and that's the million-dollar question now for certain things it's not so hard but there are things that you're not sure so let's talk about a job if you're at a job that you don't like and united you might not even be aware that you don't like it i mean you are aware but you don't want to admit it because too painful you're gonna have to look for a new one i don't know who's gonna accept me i'm not sure if it's gonna work so might as well stay where i am and you tell yourself you know yeah yeah it's good and it sounds like acceptance but it's it you gave up because you don't believe you could change you don't believe anything can happen so you're just staying where you are and really deep down you're thinking to yourself okay this is it whatever and we we don't want that that's a negative energy pulling you down at the end of the day you probably don't feel good you come home at night you don't feel fulfilled now question is that something that you can change again i can't tell you the answer but for most people it's possible something that could change all you need is the courage which will have to which we'll have to learn about the courage to change because it's scary change is scary getting out of your comfort zone is scary if you're at work at the job for many years it's scary and that's okay but maybe there's something we can do so the first step is to become aware that i need the courage it's too hard for me and if you make the choice to stay that's okay at least you made that choice but know where it's coming from how about a single boy or girl looking for uh a shadow a date and they're waiting for years it's just not working out so what's the attitude that they have in your in your mind you're gonna have all these negative thoughts i guess it's not gonna work out not for me and um this is what hashem wants what should i do and basically walking around with low energy not believing that that anything can change now over here it's tricky it could change for sure it could change can you do something about it maybe yeah maybe not could be you can make some phone calls but maybe you can't so to accept that how do we accept it except doesn't mean that i believe this is how it's going to stay accepting is to be able to see what it is now being mindful of what what it is now somebody losing a job somebody lost the job it can be very painful and your mind can take it very far you can actually find yourself sleeping on the bench in the park because automatically you won't be able to pay your bills you won't be able to do this and then you know your wife's going to kick you out and this and that you can be on your own and you have all the anxiety from all the thoughts and spirals down that goes very far so that's not being in the moments if we can accept what happens so let's let's see what happens what what is it that happened lost your job period that's it and everything else around it is just being worried being anxious and that's something that we have to become aware of how you your thoughts work because acceptance doesn't mean things won't change it's just the opposite if you're able to accept then you'll be able to see some positive ideas positive outlook but if you don't accept it it's more apathy it's more like i knew it's going to happen it's just not for me i can't it doesn't work for me i'm not capable and all the thoughts come in so that's not being present it the thoughts come in spirals down becomes worse and worse and what you really need to do is just see what's happening in the moment what's happening is you lost your job and that's painful that's it to be able to accept the moment what's going to be later let's see let's be curious you're sitting in traffic and you're on the way to the next to your meeting that's very important there you go again is it something you can change i don't think so you might try to go in ways different ways back and forth try to fight and resist what's going on again you can try but you're finding yourself in traffic there's nowhere you can go so now what's happening i am in traffic that's it take a deep breath and yes the thoughts can take you all the way if you don't come to that meeting what's going to happen all the different ideas negative ideas but to be mindful and just accept i can't change it here i am sitting in my car there's a car in front of me and a car on the two sides of me there's nowhere i can go can't do anything about it so to accept means what's going on in the moment i am sitting in traffic that's it don't let don't let it take you very far you don't like it yes i do want to get to that meeting true but here i am and then you might be able to make a phone call put on some music and find some ideas that you can do right over there and then so let me answer this question that i sent in this is the tricky part of the talking because many people run right away to the talking because and it's amazing it's a good thing but you have to you have to be um you have to be aware of where it's coming from many times the talking comes from i don't want to feel the negative feeling so i'm just going to tell myself oh you know hashem you know this is what shanghai wants and sometimes it works but what i'm trying to say is many times there's one step behind that one step behind become aware of what you're feeling becoming aware of the emotion becoming aware that you don't like it and then you can go to say listen like i'm saying accept and if this is what hashem wants here i am but i don't want to skip that part that negative part that that part that people don't like to feel people run away from and they can't slow down because if they do if they do take a deep breath they realize they're they don't like it they're in pain and they run away from that that's something you can't run away for they kind of run away from you have to let it whatever you're feeling it's okay to feel whatever you feel and then see where your mind takes you if it spirals you to the negative thoughts to accept means come back where you are just see what's happening and that's it here i am there's nothing i can do if it's something you can change beautiful you can do whatever you can if you can't and that's where the acceptance comes in and the positive acceptance acceptance is listen here i am do i want this no i don't like it but there's nothing i can do and just breathe feel it you'll feel that's you know whatever comes up and then eventually you can find some solutions eventually you can say this is what hashem wants if you do that enough times you can say this is what hashem wants but in your mind you'll be used to it saying this is something i don't want i was planning on being by that meeting or talking about a shadow you want to go out you want to have a date and today you don't so you're going to be walking around saying it's fine i'm good no i don't need i'm good i'm good is that really true it might not be true might be yes you do want to find you want something to change you want to see make a difference you want something to be different in your life and to see where you are now is painful after that you can say hashem runs the world that's true and when the right one comes i'll find out about it so what's happening today i can go to work i can do what i need to do i don't have to be stuck in it because i can process it i let the feelings come up and i can accept and continue so the definition of basic stress what does stress come from wanting something to be and it isn't if you think about it stress in your life you just need things to be different things have to happen and that's stressful so yes are we looking for change if it's something that you can change for sure something you can't change we're looking to accept to be able to change many times we have to accept we have to really we call it radical acceptance even though you don't like it you really have to be in a place where you don't need to change it and then you can come up with ideas to change like i mentioned in the past weeks it's a little bit you know it's funny in one hand you're saying i'm accepting i don't need to change and that's when ideas can come up some positive ideas you can see things different in your life but we're not focusing on that before the change to be able to accept to be able to accept even though you want to be different because while you're working on trying to change a situation that's like throwing a tantrum so you can't relax you can't sit you can't i have to get it done i have to do this this can't stay this way i just can't you're upset you get angry and you become anxious and all the negative feelings come up and what happens we get tunnel vision there's nothing you see different your your mind thinks the same way it doesn't stop you it just goes down the same path and what you need to do is wait a second relax just to realize i know you don't like it i know you would love to change it but as of now you've tried past few days the past few weeks you've tried can we stop for a moment just stop and acknowledge it's something you want to change become aware it's something you don't like how does it feel yes we don't like that feeling that's the feeling we're running away from and be able to be there and relax take some time off be there for yourself like being there for a good friend validate the feeling it makes sense that you feel this way and slowly you can take a deep breath relax and you'll change it tomorrow for now this is where it is this is how it is yes and i know you don't like it and even if positive things don't positive thoughts don't come up in your minds you might think wait nah you said i'm gonna get positive thoughts there you are trying to change it again just take a deep breath and relax and this is where you are so one more time accepting does not mean we give up accepting doesn't mean there is no hope things won't change that doesn't that doesn't mean acceptance that's that's giving up that's apathy it doesn't mean okay i'll just tolerate what's going on tolerate is again that negative we're not losing hope it doesn't mean things won't change things do change usually it's simply being able to see the things the way they actually are what's happening you know you know say it out say that what is actually happening i am in traffic i did not get a call for a for the past year that's it i lost my job that's what's happening and look at it wow do i like the way it feels no but this is what's happening instead of our mind taking it very far coming up with all different ideas about ourselves starts telling ourselves stories about ourselves that means i'm not capable nobody's interested i knew i can't it's over it's not for me we don't want that just to be able to see what's going on and then you ask yourself is it something that i can control can i change a situation where i can't if i can't now and that's it just sit there and then go on with your day you know again don't sit there for too long it might be very hard but let it come up let that negative feeling come up being able to bring to be in that present moment even though you don't like it so becoming aware is it something that i can change or not and then letting go of the judge of the judgments that we have all of the thoughts that come up letting go of judgment and experiencing the way it is that's it say it over what's happening now and we discussed in the past mindfulness meditation or sitting in one place for five minutes and that's what happens these things come up we don't like it but we're not adding anything to it it just is and in the beginning many people have to write it down you have that urge it's too hard to sit you have to do something about it so take a pen and paper write down your thoughts write it down in the beginning your thoughts are racing and it is judgmental so it's okay become aware of that write down the thoughts on a piece of paper and keep on breathing usually when you do that the end of the five minutes you can slowly come back to the actual thing that you're feeling that's happening without the judgments lost my job it's scary i don't know what i'm gonna do now and that's it and then you can sit there and relax and stay there not running away from it so to end with that this is a very important concept to look at when i walk around saying it's fine i'm good is it coming from real acceptance or it's coming from apathy is it coming from i give up i tried so long it's just not working out so i'm working i'm walking around saying i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine i don't want to feel that negative emotion i'm not fine i would love if things would change but it's too hard to feel that so you might be walking around saying whatever my life will never change this aspect will never change it'll always stay this way and it's it's pathetic and it's like like that it's over gave up hope or is it acceptance the healthy acceptance of what is it this is what it is that's it i don't like it but this is what it is and here i am i can stay here i can breathe i can relax and then eventually go on so you can think of the areas in your life where you're aware that you're upset angry you don't like it or in those areas in your life that if you would have a choice you would change it and you might it might be like many years that you didn't think about it because nothing i can do anyways so why think about it but bring it up slowly find those areas in your life that you think you know if i would be able to and let's become aware of it see what it is even though it's something we don't like but then we can accept to see it the way it is and continue life with acceptance so thank you very much for being here tonight any questions you can put in the chat try to answer some of them and that is the homework for this week until next wednesday ms hashem wednesday night at nine o'clock the homework to become aware of certain feelings that you have is it apathy or is it acceptance you