Secrets For A Happy Marriage - Shalom Bayit

foreign [Music] if you are aspiring to refine your character traits you have to be free of any bodily desire meaning you cannot be aroused angry uh sad depressed or any of these types of extreme emotions and think that you're going to be able to elevate yourself spiritually your body has to be free of these bodily desires at the moment now of course there's a time to be aroused when you're with your wife when you're with your husband surely that's appropriate time if you're not at that time there's something wrong as a uh you know men uh you know are not as difficult women are much more difficult which is actually a problem of its own maybe one day we'll have to do a second uh shoe about to explain to people that Intimacy in a Jewish relationship is extremely important a Jewish marriage cannot be healthy it cannot be healthy some sometimes you have people that have simply become roommates they live together they eat together they sleep in the same bed together but nothing no feelings whatsoever and it's a nightmare to live in but they don't want to get divorced because of the kids because of the embarrassment because of the community now the truth is Judaism also doesn't want them to get divorced but it doesn't want them to stay married that way either and it's very very important to know that there's a time and place that you have to act like like a husband and wife now if men understood if men understood that the mind of a woman is different and women understood the mind of a man is different and acted accordingly life would be much simpler the problem is that everyone compares the other part the other gender to each other to themselves and that's a problem the guy is expecting the wife to act like him so he talks to her like hey what's up what's going on what'd you do today I oh okay talk to you later no I love you no muchimuchi no little hog no little nothing no no romance no nothing no flower last flower we got it was for the wedding 20 years ago well I got her a flower she had one I got her one already she has one it died 20 years ago like the love in your relationship died nothing no romance he doesn't understand a woman needs Romance he needs it he does also but she needs it even more he's not romantic relationship's not going to go anywhere no no we're good no we're good on the other hand the woman thinks that the guy could be her girlfriend and she could talk his ear off a Dilly's blue in his face not gonna work why if he's talking so much most likely it's homosexual if he doesn't want to stop talking most likely he became your girlfriend became a government guys are not talkative well let's have a problem like me don't stop talking give me a gift of talking but generally speaking of whatever admit seriously guys I'm not gonna talk about the same things as women it's just not going to work that's not the way it is now a guy you can get his attention with different things and you have to understand that in order for him to be the husband you want him to be you have to be with him you have to be with him now even though it's not an obligation on a woman to be with the man it's actually an obligation for the man to be with the woman a woman cannot play a Nazi in the bedroom where she pretty much no no it's a uh he uh he didn't say this he didn't say that he didn't act perfectly the last month no I'm not gonna talk to him for six months you're the site you Wicked Woman you starve your husband that way you're Wicked Woman why because robotaya Kareem you have to understand a man has different types of physical needs a woman does also but for men the gamara says if his wife keeps bring raises his children and keeps him away from sin meaning the sin of wasting seed she's considered an eshet the Wayward she's considered the best woman in the world greatest woman in the world why just to raise kids make sure they're not becoming become criminals make sure they learn Torah makes you do me throat they they respect the parents and so on and she keeps away from sin those two things God doesn't say if she cooks she cleans she is the best nothing she does those two things she's an essay which means what means if she doesn't do those two things she's the opposite of even though she's not obligated she's not obligated like he's the man needless to say she's not a good woman he's not a good woman why because she has to understand he has physical needs now it's surprise many women that she actually needs to be with a husband even more than he needs with her spiritually why because there's a certain thing that happens spiritually when the man and woman are together that gives Naka to our soul God talks about it gives Naka to our soul when they're not together she stressed out she doesn't know what's going on Angry stingy they're all the worst things in the world so the point is that the Torah talked to us about family purity not just to let us know when not to be together the Torah is not just about what not to do it's also to bring light of what to do there's a time not to be together and as a time you have to be together for example McVeigh Knight obligation to be together obligation my love told me he said listen uh you need to know family Purity we learned family Purity I said yeah but that's the question I said listen right now you know I give shuim at the time it was three people in The Shield so it wasn't exactly some big audience but I said I don't know listen what if like a big Rabbi I don't know I name it name a big Rabbi has thousands of people and uh coming to issue him and it happens to be that they scheduled a shield thousand people supposed to show up and uh happens to be McVay night [Music] happens we make very night so without without losing a breath the frame says he has to cancel the shield I said no no no hold on I have to ask the question again hold on a second Rabbi listen we're fine listen to me how about your biggest Rabbi in the world he doesn't need you to tell him what to do he knows what to do right Robert yeah as every one of his lectures five thousand people ten thousand people twenty thousand people want to talk about uh little five people we're talking about thousands happens to be he isn't he planted six months in advance right happens to be as the uh who runs the world five thousand people are showing up to a place but it's gonna be Mickey night which means that by the time he comes back from The Shield 10 11 12 you know one o'clock in the morning she may fall asleep she may be sleeping already without losing a breath her Farm says he has to cancel the shoe no shoe I said yeah what about the 10 000 people he goes let them go somewhere else but they're waiting they go doesn't make a difference [Music] don't start making me twice with me that's how powerful family Purity is to show us it's not just about when not to be together it's about the power of how important it is to be together on that day and the rambam goes into it he says a regular Amma Alex doesn't know much every day has to be with his wife if he wants to be she wants to be there together everything's good every day someone learns needs a strength and so on he could be so okay with once or twice a week it's enough shouldn't do it every day why he's not gonna have strength he shouldn't act like an armaged and so on but the point is that that relationship that you have with your wife that relationship that you'd have with your husband is so critical that if people only knew and understood it they would simply never be a divorce there would never be guys calling me texting me emailing me at two or three o'clock in the morning listen Rabbi I need your help I'm going to stop wasting seat I said get married because I'm married already 15 years I married 20 years I got three kids I said how come you're wasting seed he goes oh my wife doesn't want to be with me I said for what a week two weeks ago no I haven't been within six months I told her what she she's uh she's a healing she's doesn't believe in God because of everything she should cover her face too become a different religion what's the matter with you it's very very important when it comes to Jewish ideology to know it's not just about what's not allowed it's about what you're supposed to do that's what you're supposed to do these things are very very important why because you're seeing unfortunately now that the Jewish World never had a divorce problem about Hashem divorce was a problem with the green head whether those green were really going or Jews that acted like green secular Jews divorce was never really a problem for Jewish people but now it's becoming a problem religious Jews I have a problem he's cheating she's cheating why are you cheating why do you need to cheat if you followed the instructions every month is gun-ed in every month is honeymoon if you follow the instructions to the T like it says in Allah you don't touch you don't hug you don't this when you're not supposed to and that when you're supposed to you do if you forward it to a key every single month is Mama's like the day you got married but what happens people they listen to Menace Friedman they may listen to shmulge to listen to the guys that wrote books with pornography stars because they want to learn about sexuality from going because some Zona was intimate with as many men as she can count social wrote a book with her he figures she's the expert [Music] and they so you have people with long beards writing books about this subject and confusing people even more you don't need to learn these books very simple follow Allah you'll have the best life best marriage in history if the guy watches his eyes if he watches his mouth if he learns Torah if she learns Torah if they if they do everything they're supposed to you will never see one Jewish house with a divorce never you won't even see a house on a fight that's how beautiful it is but what happens when we start mixing our own yetzera driven ideology and mix and match it like a like a shakshuka with the Jewish ideology and call it Jewish we get confused so the khazonish is trying to do us a very big hasid he's trying to elaborate and clarify what does it mean a Jewish a Jewish ideology what does it mean so first he started his listen to me if you want to elevate your nashama you have to start getting control of your bodily desires there's a time and a place for everything the time and a place for everything you're allowed at this point you're not allowed at this point it may not make sense to you but it doesn't make a difference not everything has to make sense to you you don't really know how radio waves work but you still use a phone you don't know why the X-ray machine works but if you need to use it you're going to use it you don't know how the medicine works but you're still going to take it if you have to stop trying to understand everything [Music] they understand trust the experts anyone that tries to understand everything ends up understanding nothing there's a certain time and place where you just say you know what this is what it says finished why if this genius said it's good I'm just going to rely on him just like you rely on your local doctor just like when you rely on your local pharmacist just like you rely on a teacher just like you rely on every other profession our sages were Geniuses in all aspects anyone that learned some of the history about some of our sages and the genius that they had just in their personal lives things they've achieved would say I don't understand how how come this is not known by everyone in the world [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music]