Searching For Meaning In Life!

hi there hi thanks for having me on tonight it's our pleasure so what's going on what do you want to talk about well um you know I've I've been following you on Instagram for a while I really enjoy all of the reels and and things that you make so when I saw you put a call out for uh inquiries into speaking on the show tonight I was like you know I'm going to go for it so great I sent a message out and you know the gist of of me I'm a 40-year-old mother of two beautiful children married for 14 years with a loving husband I've uh I've struggled with depression in my adult life and I've gotten myself to a point where I'm pretty confident in my ability to to balance myself but you know from time to time find myself falling down um something that I'm trying to work on right now is cultivating more of a sense of like what do I want as a person you know like what is my life what is what is my purpose and what do I enjoy and being someone who's been somewhat of a people pleaser for a a great part greater part of my life I'm kind of struggling to answer that just the simple question of like what do you want what do you like so I was hoping you might have have a little advice for for you know fellow HSP who who is just kind of trying to navigate navigate the path of self-discovery um and kind of rediscovering my own spirituality and and you know how how God would play into that too yeah so it's it's great that you're trying to figure yourself out and understand what you're here for and what is special about this embodiment that you've been placed in in other words what are the opportunities and the responsibilities and the duties that are unique to you that's uh that's what it's all about um one of the things though that I have to point out because you're blessed to be a mother of you said you have two children yes yes okay um so here's the thing you know the way that you phrased it is your life's been about others well you didn't say those exact words but you sort of said you are people people pleas her and you don't really know what you're all about you're really kind of your EXP has always been how do you take care of what other people want so what I want to say before we get into what you're all about is that when you're a mother or a father you actually are meant to completely set yourself aside and put your child's needs not only first but you're you're supposed to make your child needs the the your your only concern so in that relationship the mother child relationship it actually is proper that it be completely selfie facing um it's it's an act of complete surrender where it's like it's not about me and um obviously our kids grow up and [Music] in and in time they become less dependent on us if all goes well but there are many years especially I don't want to say say something that's going to sound sexist or patriarchal but I think it's a fact I think everybody knows that mothers are more instrumental in the education of children than fathers I'm not denigrating or minimizing the role of fathers fathers are incredibly important but I'm saying as far as oneon-one exposure putting in the actual time being present with the child I I I hope it's okay in today's day and age to to say that it's just the fact that when a woman becomes a mother there is to a great to a great extent a large chunk of time perhaps even decades where in many ways her life's not about herself anymore so you know when you're a mother it really is selflessness it really is about taking care of these kids now having said that having said that there is something to be said for Melissa knowing who she is as well not just as a mother mother is an incredibly important maybe even the most important role that you were given but you have other roles as well you're a wife and then there are other roles that you have as well and it's important for you to understand what those roles are but I just want to make sure that in the in the process of this self-discovery that we don't end up in any way uh losing the plot as far as the selflessness that's required in motherhood oh AB absolutely not yeah I definitely feel like that is the the primary charge that has has taken you know hold of my life since they came into it for you know and nine years ago yeah okay um and I I I love being a mother you know it's is something I really enjoy and and um so I I completely agree with you in that regard okay fantastic and they both things can be true it can be in in as a mother in that part of your life it's just what you can do for them and then there are other parts of your life that are what you can do for yourself but even when we do things for our ourselves we have to Define that because it's not the way that the world normally thinks of doing things for myself the the the way the broader world out there talks about like me time I got to take care of me I got to put myself first they often mean it in a completely what I would call closed loop closed system that ends up being a zero sum game what I mean by that is they take care of themselves so they can have more energy to take care of themselves which is just AB just as absurd as the the the common lament I go to work so I can earn money so that I can live so I can go to work so I can earn money so I can live right when you become engaged in self-care for its own sake it also becomes a snake eating its tail so there has to always be something bigger than me that I'm Tethered to so that when I'm even when I'm engaged in self-care and doing the things that nurture my soul and energize me there's always at least in the background this notion of what will that what will I then do with this energy where will I direct it toward what project which is ultimately greater than myself so I think that's the way to phrase it it's like what is there in your life that you can be passionate about that feeds you that nurtures you that makes you feel like your special gifts are being tapped into but it's not just about self-indulgence God forbid it's to the contrary it's about you becoming more productive more giving um more involved in other people's lives and ultimately in the betterment of humanity so does any of that resonate with you as far as like you yeah absolutely so do you have any specific thoughts it's feeling it's yeah it's definitely it's a feeling of like not having a a direction outside of you know the obvious wife and and mother roles is like I I am a you know I am a worker I'm in the workforce and part of a family business and not feeling complet completely engaged in that and trying to think you know well how do I how do I find purpose in that or is there another purpose that I need to find sometimes a job is just a job yeah is is that is that the case here I mean sometimes a job is very stimulating there are challenges and problem solving and it uh it can be a source of personal growth but sometimes a job is just a job it's just a way of paying the bills sure and it it has been and is both for me you know um I think more and more I'm a little more like dis disenchanted with kind of the political climate surrounding it um that is kind of like a roadblock to progress in a lot of ways so um so your industry and you don't have to share what the nature of the business is but you're saying it's been been politicized and basically there are a lot of Hoops you got to jump through that have nothing to do with the real product yeah sure and I was part of the advocacy efforts for a lot of that and it just it felt like banging my head against the wall doing a second job that wasn't necessarily related to the primary you know responsibilities that I had inside our office so to speak um I'm wondering so I'm so curious like I'm wondering how much you would be willing to reveal to us what you're involved in and what the challeng were yeah it's it's it's Healthcare it's the the Home healthc Care industry specifically um and and I'm like an operations director and and we work with you know the Departments of uh Medicare and Medicaid services so I've been engaged more on a a state level with um our State Medicaid department and aging departments specifically because we provide so much care to seniors um so there's I I've just been you know very active in in our state trade Association doing advocacy work um to basically get rid of barriers to to care for um like elderly and disabled citizens and um yeah it's it's it's just kind of a it's a rough environment to be in and yeah yeah absolutely a couple times because it's it's the it's very political and it's there's big money and the people who are making decisions don't really think about the human side of things they're not really thinking about somebody's grandmother they're no no yeah that's exhausting and disillusioning and frustrating and heartbreaking I'm wondering let me just see let me just test the waters here as much as you did not enjoy that aspect of your job like you called it a second job in order to be able to do your real job I'm just wondering and the answer may be no but I I wouldn't know the first thing about advocacy for uh healthc care um you know eminently more about the subject than I do so if I wanted to make a difference in that area I would not even know where to begin but you would so I'm just wondering is somebody who has unique experience and unique Insight um is there any activism that you could be doing that would not feel like banging your head against the wall in the healthc care space do you mean yeah that's where you have unique experience I know it's a sleazy environment and you've seen a lot of bad stuff but you know you were already sent there yeah and you already were exposed to it you already know you know the ropes at least a more than 99.9% of us yeah well I I guess it's interesting you should ask that because I recently in backing out of a few of the advocacy groups reached out to a reporter to to share my experience and and see if there was because you know within the the conversations that we were having as an organization people were like you know we need to litigate or we need to we need to reach out to new sources and and no one was actually doing it and and when I kind of threw my hands in the air I reached out to somebody in in our state and and um you know we're kind of like going back and forth setting up a time to talk and that sort of thing but iort I think that maybe what you're referring to it's exactly what I'm referring to it's just trying to amplify it in a different way so we started off you you were talking about where can you find fulfillment where's your where's your calling and there may be there may be a lot of things that you are uniquely fit to do but here's one of them that I know is rare most people would know the first thing where they even get started even if they cared about the subject it sounds like you already know you know the situation you know the people you know the players you know the names you're in touch with them you have opportunities I know it's so exhausting because you're dealing with this this this machine and at the end of the day it's like real people's lives and quality of life and and it's heartbreaking to be up against that type of bureaucracy but that's for now at least the that's how things get done everything is political everything is networking everything is who you know that's just the way that this world works for now um and if you have Insight yeah I think you got to use that I think God put you in those situations and gave you that education and now you got to use it and I know it's exhausting and I know that you sort of like stepped away from it because of how emotionally draining it is but maybe if you could think about the fact that yeah right but maybe if you could think about the fact that as emotionally draining as it is you are certainly way more poised to actually make a difference than any of the rest of us like I said if I wanted to get started I wouldn't even know what to do I don't know who to talk to I don't even know I don't know the terms I don't know what words to use you do yeah and I I I guess one of the reservations I've had too is that coupled with the frustration and and the heartbreaking aspect for the compassion for patients is there's a frustration with the way that things do work and who does get help in in certain situations that I feel really uncomfortable talking about with some people because you know it it has to do with like immigrant communities and taking um advantage of the benefits that are afforded to them when they come in the country so you know but there's there's a lot of a lot of excessive um resources that are pulled and taken advantage of in a way that you know has kind of held me back from that so I guess I've just been not sure where where to go with it but I appreciate your Insight I I think you know it's it's not your main job it's not I mean certainly doesn't directly pay the bills but it's it's it's activis ISM and and it's something that you're uniquely poised to do and to the extent that you can do it without getting too burnt out I think it's an important thing for you to do obviously number one priority is to your family and then to your actual job but then with that is this unique form of activism you still with me okay yeah okay I am I am yeah just just kind of taking it in yeah how disappointing is it to think that this may be where your talents are going to be most featured and well used it's intimidating I guess um why it but I gu it's not like something surprising because I've just been trying to figure out where to put that energy like where to direct it I was I guess I've just been hoping I'd find something else that I equally can be passionate about and can try pottery and put all that in throwt pot wheel you know with Clay can paint it get a Kil but yeah a lot of people can do Pottery um really seriously you were given a unique education I don't know how many other people there are in the world let alone in your state who know the inner workings of this world and are able to maybe make a difference and so I would definitely pursue that advoc advocacy uh Avenue for yourself and um call those reporters and yeah and if it comes to litigation yeah so you do that to whatever it h whatever it takes a lot of times it's just really it's about I I got to tell you most things in this world it's not what you know it's who you know it's networking so you hang out with the people who make the decision uh you end up having an influence on them so if you if you already know who the players are you have a leg up on the rest of us because we don't even know who to talk to and the people who make the real decisions are not the people that you elected into office is not the people who uh whose face is on the postcard that comes to your your mailbox a week before election day the people really making the decisions you know who's making the decisions the people working in some office who decide on policy and they have very specific reasons why they think that those decisions are the best I mean basically okay so everyone just should understand how it works politics is basically people with good hair and who know how to smile and speaking sound bites so they run for office then they have a bunch of people working for them who are the Nerds who actually understand and care about political science and government and actually could like tell you the different articles of the Constitution and those are the people in the office they make decisions they make decisions based on I hate to say it but what will keep them employed what will keep them employed is something called reelection so the guy with the good hair has to get reelected so they make decisions based on what they think their constituents want that's how democracy works it's the ultimate form of pandering so at any rate it's it's worse than reality TV you know it's like the the sleaziest form of entertainment where you're just playing to the lowest common denominator that's what democ eventually devolves into because you're just giving people what they want at any rate you know all of this go to lunch with the right people and um send them uh fruit baskets and whatever else you got to do and you know the game play the game and and right yeah no and what you're saying is that the act of self-preservation is so Central to everything that is the government departments it just becomes how do I stay here how do we keep this going even if not working how do we keep this going yep yep that's what it that's what it's all about yeah and by the way I just want to pause there for a second remember I said before that the way that many people engage in self-care is a closed system which basically you take care of yourself so you have energy to take take care of yourself more and it lacks meaning that's what government is it's a system that perpetuates perpetuates itself for the sake of perpetuating itself self oh which is ultimately meaningless and pointless and just breaks everybody's heart who gets near it but don't be intimidated and don't be dismayed you're going to make a change and you're going to help somebody's grandmother and uh help a lot of people's grandmothers and grandfathers and eventually all of us who need that kind of care so it it's it's a it's an incredible opportunity you have I I appreciate you thank you thanks for the time tonight okay thank you really I I re appreciate your openness and your vulnerability talking about all these things and I really really think that you're going to accomplish amazing things please let us know how the lawsuit goes but a really good fruit basket could avoid a lawsuit so you have to weigh the two options okay okay awesome I'll keep that in mind maybe some celery soda celery soda yes absolutely yes you'll set them up with a 12pack of sellr I don't even think they sell in 12 packs actually but yes that's right okay all right thank you yeah thank you okay we're gonna take the next caller all right that was awesome that was Melissa that was a great call and I think she's going to accomplish great things and I'm calling it right now there's going to be a made for TV movie about her life come back and tell me I'm wrong have other calls coming in one second one second yeah hi are you calling in right now okay try again on that number that I gave you oh actually wait can you call me back in like no one second no no on that other number that 516 number wait could you call me in 15 minutes is that okay okay um [Music] one second Michael welcome Michael's on the show Rabbi how are you bem thank God how are you doing I'm doing very well glad to hear it hi Melissa welcome hello hi there hi thanks for having me on tonight it's our pleasure welcome to the show thank you Rabbi great to be here hey there how you doing uh doing well long time listener for some caller for taking me hello hey there you're on the air we'd like to extend a special thank you to mendal Simon and 9x9 tech for powering this call-in show and making it possible for us to connect with our amazing audience 9x9 Tech offers a One-Stop service for all your communication needs along with personalized Tech Solutions catered specifically towards your business visit 9x9 tech.com today that's 9x9 tech.com thank you Mandall and the team for your incredible support hey this is shase tab you were just watching a clip from this class if you want to get the full context the full class that this clip that you just watched was from you watch right here click right here here