SAFE Event - Rabbi Joey Haber

[Music] so I want to give you an idea that I think raises the odds dramatically of you helping your son and daughter from this Challenge and that is that parenting has changed in the 50s and 60s parenting for members of our community members of the religious Jewish World across the country in the 50s and 60s parenting was just survival keep your job stay in a home have a house and don't be evicted in the 7s and ' 80s as we got our legs beneath us many of the parents were children of either holocost survivors or War veterans and what became the mode and the focus of being a great parent was discipline and many people in this room remember their parents were disciplinarians and that's what it was about and this is my word and that's what I said and the reason you do it is because I said so and then we started to watch as kids slowly started to fade you'd have a boy in this family a girl in that family that family that was perfect the other family that was completely religious you'd watch kids all of a sudden lose the path and in the '90s and 2000s parenting became about love and all of the sudden even the teachers in schools and the way parents were all hugging their kids and caring about them and I love you and I'm there for you and I'm caring so parenting went from survival to disciplin to love and all three of those concepts are incredibly relevant today everyone still is in survival mode children still need incredible amount of discipline and they definitely need your care and your love but in the last 10 years parenting has changed and there's a new quality that every parent needs to bring for every child whether they're 2 years old or 40 or 50 years old what your children need now is to be understood they need to feel like you get it because the challenges of 40 years ago was physical burdens our kids today don't have that many physical burdens all of what they're carrying is up here and they need a mother and a father not just a mother and a father that gets it and understands them and spends the time and puts in the energy to get what's on their mind what are you struggling with what do you like why do you like it why is that a struggle so many parents especially busy ones come home and see their daughter care about something or their son it's a bunch of nonsense and you come home to your kid you're like who cares about the Rangers it's usess it's the point and you make comments like that and you make lines like that and a daughter will be jealous of a classmate and you're like who why you jealous of other kids who cares about that we're blessed it's nonsense to worry and you don't realize what you're doing to your child has your kid ever told you you lived in the olden days what they're saying to you is you don't get me and because of that I have no plans of ever getting you you don't understand me so why should I spend time in understanding you you don't know what I'm dealing with you don't know my struggle you don't know my joy you don't know what I appreciate you don't know what my friends are thinking about you don't understand what it feels like to be a child in 2023 if you don't get me why should I listen but we can change the odds and we could give our children a better chance and children that come from a home where both the mother and the busy father spend time and energy to get them are parents and children that have a much better chance of getting their parents and following exactly what you want and having the confidence and the courage when they're put in that position to say no [Music]