Safe event - Cabasso speeches

going to talk about honoring Marilyn and Joey cabasso you see I met Joey I got a call from somebody in the family about 20 years ago not the same Hollywood Joey a little arrogant messy hair was not done I remember walking into his house he's looking at me I'm looking at him I'm sizing him up I'm saying I could take this guy down he's high he won't even know he looks at me like what are you doing in my house I said Fu I was invited we started talking we started to get to know each other that was 20 years ago not only did Joe come into safe his wife Marilyn come into safe now did I come into safe they became safe the work that they do on behalf of safe today 24 hours a day seven days a week they're calling me on the way here today Joe will you text me Hey listen somebody got arrested we need help I said Joey just could we wait an hour we're getting ready to honor you they're on call 24 hours a day seven days a week they're helping people they're running Al-Anon meetings AAA meetings people are in their house every Friday summer five o'clock people reaching out for help Joey calls me okay we got this guy what can we do how can we help him Marilyn every day she calls me I got this wife what do you think I said geez where do they come from it's a 24-hour a day seven day a week job and they're in hook line and sinker so I know you didn't come to hear me you've heard me before I thank you I'm humbled by this turnout I'm humbled by carrying a torch for safe I'm humbled by the board member James and the rest of the board members I'm humbled to be part of something so great Mission that's what this is I'm grateful to all of you so without further Ado I'd like to ask Joey Marilyn first okay Marilyn the boss has spoken thank you okay wow I want to thank each and every one of you for being here today to support the C Foundation which is something that is very close to my heart not everyone knows what goes on behind the scenes of the safe Foundation I want to give you a little bit of what I do for safe because it is so special to me and very dear to my heart I will take phone calls from women who have Addiction in their family I also run Allen on meetings every week in the safe building I want to start by thanking my Aunt Cookie for hosting this very important event and for her generous nature and to my uncle Stanley aleva Shalom I know he is truly here in spirit I would always want to recognize his greatness even though he is not with us I would like to thank my parents Mars and Karen Shira my dad is the one who stepped in that specific night that will never forget my in-laws sister-in-laws and my sister Florence who never judged the situation we were in and always supported us Simone wherever you are my friend I could not have done these Al-Anon meetings without your support also of course my husband Joey who carves out time and effort out of his busy schedule whose phone is open 24 hours a day and seven days a week he's devoted to saving lives and puts his heart into these boys to help them see that life can get better last but certainly not least Ike I would like to thank you as well for letting me help putting your trust in me and for being tough on me at times but only to teach me you giving me this opportunity to help and support these women is so important to me and this community so here we go so about six years ago I became very involved in Al-Anon and safe for those of you who don't know Al-Anon is a support group and network of individuals who may be affected by the addiction of their loved ones I started to form an Al-Anon group because Ike told me there is a tremendous need in our community I realized that just because Joey got sober didn't mean our marriage was going to become rainbows overnight there were years of damage that was done through Joey's Addiction in the first six years there was no marriage bringing up my children was a complete blur we had to start over communicating making regular life decisions and spending time with each other all the normal things couples are supposed to do I was confused on how to have a healthy relationship and how I was supposed to act as a married couple because I was robbed of the early years I want to thank Hashem for giving us the opportunity to have a second chance and making it through the toughest time not every story has an ending like ours foreign I realized the benefits of Al-Anon by speaking and connecting with other women who have experienced similar situations to mine I needed to let these women know that it takes work on their part too I have worked with women who are married from two years to 25 years 30 years I have found such meaning in speaking with other wives struggling with how to live with their addicted husband I identify with them I will offer advice a listening ear and reassurance that they are not alone I will wake up to text messages from the middle of the night of woman texting me I'm scared he doesn't want to get help he won't go away how am I going to get through my day how am I going to get through my life my kids what will they say what will they think are they going to be okay you might be wondering why I'm emphasizing on the idea of women getting help when clearly your spouse or child is considered the one with the problem when I receive a call from a woman they automatically would tell me well he's the one with the problem why do I need to go for help however addiction is a family disease we did not cause the addiction as wives we cannot control the addiction and we cannot cure the addiction again you could never control your spouse the fear of being alone the fear of getting divorced are a few reasons why women are afraid to call safe and ask for help the fear that my children will be impacted with difficulty of getting married or they will find out about their parents addiction the fear that our social lives will change if they can't participate in events that involve drinking how will we go to dinner without a drink how will we go on vacations how will we go to parties without a drink or a party drug the fear of maybe I'm overreacting maybe his use is not so bad maybe I'm crazy or he only takes something on vacations he doesn't really do it you know any other part of the day through all of this I make women feel comfortable enough to open up to me about everything in which we build a trusting relationship even though sometimes there are unhappy endings there are divorces through addiction they call me up and say Marilyn I'll be okay because Al-Anon and safe gave me the strength the wisdom and the tools to make these big decisions it helped me and my children get through this in the end my goal is to build strength in these women so that whatever decisions they need to make they will always have the courage to do it whether good or bad joining the safe support network helps me grow every day and it can give anyone married single or divorced who is struggling the tools to conquer life's obstacles thank you just one last speech and we're done James right I want to First foremost thank everyone for coming to the 20th year anniversary of the safe Foundation I so want to thank some of the most important people who always and important people are always stuck by my side I never gave up on on me through the toughest times of my life my parents my in-laws and my siblings without their support I truly wouldn't be where I am today there is one person in this room that saved my life without him I wouldn't have achieved what I have to to this day you are the one person who made the biggest impact on my life and change it for the better thank you will never be enough finally I couldn't do what I do and to help so many people without a team behind me there are so many people in this room that I cannot name out loud but you know who you are all of you really helped me and our community by stepping up and helping anyone who is struggling last but not least I want to thank everyone in our community everybody here for trusting my wife and I to do the work that we love to do and that's helping people that are struggling in our community and making an impact here at the safe Foundation we continue to remind the community that addiction shouldn't be a stigma addiction is no different than someone being sick with an illness we are all good people but we sometimes get caught up in the grips of addiction at safe we are here to help and we see the good in every single person who walks in the door I want to give you a little back story on my life and what led me to the grips of addiction when I was 13 years old houdin came every year and that is where we had a big party by my house with lots of drinking of course my parents like any others didn't think much about it the drinking continued into the next few years and escalated to fit in and be with the cool crew at 17 I went to Israel for the year and in my mind I never wanted to do drugs I was the ultimate never to me I wouldn't be that person there are there I was on day one in Israel being offered marijuana by the cool crew which I felt like I couldn't say no because if I said no I wouldn't be part of from there marijuana took over just like drinking did I was doing it every day which led me to being kicked out of school and sent back home being from a religious and well-respected family within the community I don't think my parents would think that their son would be kicked out of school for drugs it just goes to show you that it does happen to some of the best people in the community which I witness day in and day out once I came home from being kicked out of school I started to associate myself with another group of friends that did pills again I said I would never touch a pill just like I said it with marijuana but the peer pressure set in and there I was I was hooked if I stood here and told you all my stories where drugs took me we would be here all day and probably multiple days there was one story that stands out most once a bad night I went out with a few friends to pick up marijuana from a dealer's house unfortunately my religion that was always so important to me took a back seat to drugs I didn't care about Chevette I cared about getting high because that is what addiction does to a person that night turned into a nightmare where there was a raid on the Dealer's house there we were on a Friday night going in the middle of this arrested and brought to central booking without my parents even knowing and that was probably the worst night of my life to make a very long story shorter I sat there and I swore I would never touch a drug again I was let out on Saturday night without any charges against me I was just caught in the wrong place at the wrong time without fail I went right back to what I swore hours prior I would never do again I was sitting there in that dirty jail cell with murderers heroin addicts you name it I was sitting there and I remember praying please just get me out of here I'll never do it again the moment I was released I went and got high that night you would think that I would stop but nothing stopped me what I thought would scare me straight absolutely did not I continued just a few days later on vacation with a boatload of drugs with the boys because I could not say no but now is more of an addiction and nothing was stopping me I was so stuck it almost felt like there was no way out it just couldn't stop I was getting into trouble blacking out car accidents ruining relationships Etc you name it I was doing it at a time in which it seemed like it couldn't get worse it did and it escalated and I found myself experimenting with all different drugs and getting hooked on all of them during this horrible time in my life where it was just partying and drugs I met my wife and oh boy she had no idea what she was getting herself into with me but what she saw was a popular fun guy from a good family she was young as most girls in our community are when they start dating it showed she had no idea like most don't she didn't know about my issues and my addictions she thought it was a little bit of pot a pill here and there at a party after two years we got married without her parents even noticing my drug use I believe they saw what kind of family I was from and would never think that I would be using drugs I was able to hide everything I was doing and not show this side of me this happens within the community every day and I see it constantly and it becomes a disaster of a marriage and I get multiple phone calls is this guy good is that guy good I don't know why they call me but they call me and I get these calls all day after getting married we moved to the city and my drug addiction just got worse she started to realize this wasn't just something I did from time to time at a party there was a problem this wasn't the end of my story but just the beginning 20 years ago is where my my story started with safe my addiction at the time wasn't at an all-time high that summer I had my first born if you ask me if I remember the birth of my son I'd be lying to you if I said yes this is how strong my addiction was I gave up on one of the most important moments in my life to drugs at that point my family knew they had to come together and deal with my issues the night before my son's breasts is where my whole family was by my in-laws house without zorhar at a time in my life where we were supposed to be celebrating my firstborn but they were done with me sitting there threatening me to take away everything I have including my son my wife and my career at this point was someone who came into my life for a reason he came into my home the next morning and said are you truly ready to change your life or is this a waste of time I had that written but he actually ripped me and killed me and said I'd even want to say the language but I was I was scared and I'm like I gotta just say yes because I was petrified at that moment I knew I was ready but not sure if my mind was ready to give up and the drugs would drink the the drugs and drinking fully and one thing I want to add when I was sitting there and my whole family went down on me all I was thinking about was oh my God I can't do drugs with my friends anymore That's How Strong the peer pressure and the addiction gets you I enter into safe when I when it was a small room in the sbh building I was probably one of the first people to enter into the program I put the work in with the support of safe but a year and a half later I felt like I needed to test the waters and have a drink at that and that one drink led to drinking every night and then turned my life around and back to a full-blown addiction I let my family my wife Ike and safe down what I said I was ready to give up looking back that was just a play to get them off my back for the moment and possibly be able to do drugs and drink in moderation which that never happens and I've never seen an addict come in for help and try to go back and drink and do drugs in moderation never that just doesn't work for someone with an addiction and my life was back to where it was prior to entering safe my wife saw it all happen again and cold Ike back into my life he was there without hesitation and again ripped me at this point I was sick mentally I was sick and tired of being sick but I also I was tired of letting everyone who means the most to me in my life I was ready and willing to do whatever it takes with the safe to get my life back and put the past behind me I want to ensure everyone in this room truly knows what safe is safe is not just for the person with the addiction safe is also for the family of an addict and the people who are closest to them my parents and my wife came with me to save and learned really what happened and why did what I did in the past and had to deal with it I stand here 16 years later telling my story my story is why I'm here safe was my lifeline safe repaired my life and my relationships safe gave me back at purpose safe made me a better father and my three beautiful boys safe made me move forward within our business and be successful this isn't always the end to everyone's story that works with safe this person the person needs to want to do all that safe has to offer and do it for themselves I have seen many different outcomes but that is because the person is not at the point where they need or want to change their own life I have seen many marriages and divorce and in divorce I've also attended many funerals of my best friends that died that did not that didn't want the help and lost the battle to the disease that not everyone wins and I just want to add one thing I promise you I cannot count the amount of people in this community that have passed away from drug overdoses you might not know it the family might hide it because they are embarrassed but I could count at least 50 people in the 20 years and I am not making up a number that have passed away from the age of 20 to 70 in this community and died all of because of a stupid pill and it started only from drinking it's a shame I've seen and got many phone calls that you do not hear of kids overdosing in the community 18 19 and adults overdosing in the community I am dealing with a case the kid overdosed three times he is 19 years old you heard me 19 years old the last time he overdosed was in a shul on Ocean Parkway a couple of months ago so I'm not making up these stories this is a serious situation you just don't hear about it and people hide it they hide it because they're embarrassed but they don't understand that they could be saving their kids life instead of protecting their name I look at my I look at my life now and what it used to be this gives me the drive and determination to help everyone I look back and see that I wouldn't have become who I am today without getting better I know Hashem gave me these prior experiences so that I can stand here today and help others it goes without saying that this job never sleeps and it isn't always the easiest there are days where I get calls from parents in the middle of the night that their child needs help and I step right into intervene to get them what they need like Ike said I was texting him this morning I got a call at 7 30 a.m from a mother crying please help me my son is 28 he's in jail in New York City I have no idea why the court officer called me I need your help please I get these calls constantly daily you just don't hear about it it goes without saying my phone is always ringing and without hesitation I will do whatever it takes I think that anyone here that knows me I put my own life and business on hold just to ensure I can help someone the way I was helped these have been so many there has been so many cases that have come to me that are truly unimaginable things that would make your hair stand up you wouldn't understand it you wouldn't believe that it's happening in our community I sometimes need to step in not only to help the addict but sometimes it is the parents siblings and the wife who need the strength in order to move forward I make this job my number one priority in my life because I know how precious life is and it doesn't need to be taken away by an illness I saw not only my own life being completely wrecked by Illness but my family is also I want to ensure this isn't something that is going to continue within the community that means so much to me next to every man is a strong woman my wife is there to show other women there are also life after addiction and how to manage through the hardest times she's just like I am is there to do whatever it takes to keep other women strong there are some days she will sit on the phone with another wife for hours just because it might be a tough day and I go enough enough this person's calling you six times but she still picks up the phone because she knows what it feels like what she went through and she only wants that person to get better and give her the strength and God bless her me I need to get people off the phone quick give me the information let me know and she'll sit on the phone for hours so God blessed her God bless her she's got patience like a saint she understands more than anyone because she lived it and not everyone knows the feeling as a board member of save Foundation which I never thought in a million years that would be me I never thought I would be honored I never thought I would get the respect I was a nobody I was a drug addict I was a loser it goes to show you people could get better with the help of safe our community is one that needs someone a hundred percent and that is what me and my wife are there for beyond the meetings we open our home ensuring that it is a welcoming and comfortable environment for those seeking help we host meetings twice a week and the countless hours that go into just one meeting couldn't be possible without my wife she really I have to say who opens up their home on a Saturday during the winter without fail gets the food sets up and allows 20 to 30 addicts in our house so we could have a meeting or Friday sets it up by the pool and welcomes 30 to 40 guys and that's not just a number a fake number we have 30 to 40 people all different types of people every week different rotation of people looking to get help learning from our own personal experience takes more than just leaving the toxic environment for 30 days it takes support and guidance well after that time safe is there with us ensuring the addict continues on to recovery I'm almost done safe also just doesn't stop with someone who is already battling addiction safe is there in every single one of our community schools teaching our children from fifth to 12th grade about the FX of drugs and how to battle the peer pressure I'm seeing children as young as eighth grade starting to use marijuana which then is leading to the 12th grade is used using hallucigens and that's mushrooms all sorts of drugs what I see all day and here I myself speak in every Community School to tell my story so kids can see how much drugs can affect their lives I sometimes find myself telling my story and kids coming to me or calling me after and saying they didn't know that something like that could happen or that they have a problem already this shows me now more than ever how much we need safe as much as safe educates our kids we need the support parents pushing as a positive force behind them not to go down their Road there are parents that are smoking pot and drinking and I get the call of my kids smoking pot I said what what do you want from me your smoking pot and you're telling them they shouldn't smoke pot and the kids know it and there's thousands I mean thousands of parents in the community that are doing it I'm sorry that I have to say this but this thousands and they expect their kid to be good parents did not even take the use of marijuana lightly and be naive and turn the Blind Eye to it because an occasional use of marijuana could lead to my story what I see in this community today is only becoming worse it's scary to say what it could be like in five years without the safe Foundation we have many challenges as a community it is important to celebrate the lives we save I have attended many weddings of people the birth of children and the success in business all who have overcome their addiction this is why we do what we do and why safe is so important it is it is the Moment Like These that remind us of the importance of our support and the impact we can have on addicts families in our community today as we celebrate the 20th anniversary of the safe Foundation I know that my uncle Stanley Cheerio Shalom though no longer with us is in spirits is joining us in spirits and I am grateful to my aunt cookie for hosting this annual event please give her a round of applause I want to thank each and every one of you for being here today in support of such an important cause my wife and I along with the safe team promise to provide this community with continued support in order to continue the work work for our community we ask that we come together and ensure we can keep our community safe and supported thank you thank you