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Safe event - Cabasso speeches
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going to talk about honoring Marilyn and
Joey cabasso
you see I met Joey I got a call from
somebody in the family about 20 years
ago
not the same Hollywood Joey
a little arrogant messy hair was not
done I remember walking into his house
he's looking at me I'm looking at him
I'm sizing him up I'm saying I could
take this guy down
he's high he won't even know
he looks at me like what are you doing
in my house
I said Fu I was invited
we started talking
we started to get to know each other
that was 20 years ago
not only did Joe come into safe
his wife Marilyn come into safe
now did I come into safe they became
safe
the work
that they do on behalf of safe today
24 hours a day seven days a week they're
calling me on the way here today Joe
will you text me Hey listen somebody got
arrested we need help I said Joey just
could we wait an hour
we're getting ready to honor you
they're on call 24 hours a day seven
days a week
they're helping people
they're running Al-Anon meetings AAA
meetings people are in their house every
Friday summer five o'clock
people reaching out for help
Joey calls me okay we got this guy what
can we do how can we help him
Marilyn every day she calls me I got
this wife what do you think I said geez
where do they come from
it's a 24-hour a day seven day a week
job and they're in hook line and sinker
so I know you didn't come to hear me
you've heard me before
I thank you I'm humbled
by this turnout I'm humbled
by carrying a torch for safe I'm humbled
by the board member James and the rest
of the board members
I'm humbled to be part of something so
great Mission that's what this is
I'm grateful to all of you
so without further Ado I'd like to ask
Joey Marilyn first okay Marilyn
the boss has spoken
thank you
okay wow
I want to thank each and every one of
you for being here today to support the
C Foundation which is something that is
very close to my heart
not everyone knows what goes on behind
the scenes of the safe Foundation
I want to give you a little bit of what
I do for safe because it is so special
to me and very dear to my heart
I will take phone calls from women who
have Addiction in their family I also
run Allen on meetings every week in the
safe building
I want to start by thanking my Aunt
Cookie for hosting this very important
event
and for her generous nature and to my
uncle Stanley aleva Shalom I know he is
truly here in spirit I would always want
to recognize his greatness even though
he is not with us
I would like to thank my parents Mars
and Karen Shira
my dad is the one who stepped in that
specific night that will never forget
my in-laws sister-in-laws and my sister
Florence who never judged the situation
we were in and always supported us
Simone wherever you are my friend I
could not have done these Al-Anon
meetings without your support
also of course my husband Joey who
carves out time and effort out of his
busy schedule whose phone is open 24
hours a day and seven days a week he's
devoted to saving lives and puts his
heart into these boys to help them see
that life can get better
last but certainly not least Ike
I would like to thank you as well for
letting me help putting your trust in me
and for being tough on me at times but
only to teach me
you giving me this opportunity to help
and support these women is so important
to me and this community
so here we go
so about six years ago I became very
involved in Al-Anon and safe
for those of you who don't know Al-Anon
is a support group and network of
individuals who may be affected by the
addiction of their loved ones
I started to form an Al-Anon group
because Ike told me there is a
tremendous need in our community
I realized that just because Joey got
sober didn't mean our marriage was going
to become rainbows overnight
there were years of damage that was done
through Joey's Addiction in the first
six years there was no marriage
bringing up my children was a complete
blur
we had to start over communicating
making regular life decisions and
spending time with each other all the
normal things couples are supposed to do
I was confused on how to have a healthy
relationship and how I was supposed to
act as a married couple because I was
robbed of the early years
I want to thank Hashem for giving us the
opportunity to have a second chance and
making it through the toughest time not
every story has an ending like ours
foreign
I realized the benefits of Al-Anon by
speaking and connecting with other women
who have experienced similar situations
to mine
I needed to let these women know that it
takes work on their part too
I have worked with women who are married
from two years to 25 years 30 years I
have found such meaning in speaking with
other wives struggling with how to live
with their addicted husband
I identify with them I will offer advice
a listening ear and reassurance that
they are not alone
I will wake up to text messages from the
middle of the night of woman texting me
I'm scared he doesn't want to get help
he won't go away how am I going to get
through my day how am I going to get
through my life my kids what will they
say what will they think are they going
to be okay
you might be wondering
why I'm emphasizing on the idea of women
getting help when clearly your spouse or
child is considered the one with the
problem
when I receive a call from a woman they
automatically would tell me well he's
the one with the problem why do I need
to go for help
however addiction is a family disease
we did not cause the addiction as wives
we cannot control the addiction and we
cannot cure the addiction again you
could never control your spouse
the fear of being alone
the fear of getting divorced are a few
reasons why women are afraid to call
safe and ask for help
the fear that my children will be
impacted with difficulty of getting
married or they will find out about
their parents addiction
the fear that our social lives will
change if they can't participate in
events that involve drinking
how will we go to dinner without a drink
how will we go on vacations how will we
go to parties without a drink or a party
drug
the fear of maybe I'm overreacting maybe
his use is not so bad maybe I'm crazy or
he only takes something on vacations he
doesn't really do it you know any other
part of the day
through all of this I make women feel
comfortable enough to open up to me
about everything in which we build a
trusting relationship
even though sometimes there are unhappy
endings there are divorces through
addiction
they call me up and say Marilyn I'll be
okay because Al-Anon and safe gave me
the strength the wisdom and the tools to
make these big decisions it helped me
and my children get through this
in the end my goal is to build strength
in these women so that whatever
decisions they need to make they will
always have the courage to do it whether
good or bad
joining the safe support network helps
me grow every day and it can give anyone
married single or divorced who is
struggling the tools to conquer life's
obstacles
thank you
just one last speech and we're done
James right
I want to First foremost thank everyone
for coming to the 20th year anniversary
of the safe Foundation I so want to
thank some of the most important people
who always
and important people are always stuck by
my side I never gave up on on me through
the toughest times of my life my parents
my in-laws and my siblings without their
support I truly wouldn't be where I am
today
there is one person in this room that
saved my life without him I wouldn't
have achieved what I have to to this day
you are the one person who made the
biggest impact on my life and change it
for the better
thank you will never be enough
finally I couldn't do what I do and to
help so many people without a team
behind me
there are so many people
in this room that I cannot name out loud
but you know who you are all of you
really helped me and our community by
stepping up and helping anyone who is
struggling last but not least I want to
thank everyone in our community
everybody here for trusting my wife and
I to do the work that we love to do and
that's helping people that are
struggling in our community and making
an impact
here at the safe Foundation we continue
to remind the community that addiction
shouldn't be a stigma addiction is no
different than someone being sick with
an illness we are all good people but we
sometimes get caught up in the grips of
addiction
at safe we are here to help and we see
the good in every single person who
walks in the door
I want to give you a little back story
on my life and what led me to the grips
of addiction
when I was 13 years old
houdin came every year
and that is where we had a big party by
my house with lots of drinking
of course my parents like any others
didn't think much about it the drinking
continued into the next few years and
escalated to fit in and be with the cool
crew at 17 I went to Israel for the year
and in my mind I never wanted to do
drugs
I was the ultimate never to me I
wouldn't be that person
there are there I was on day one in
Israel being offered marijuana by the
cool crew which I felt like I couldn't
say no because if I said no I wouldn't
be part of
from there marijuana took over just like
drinking did I was doing it every day
which led me to being kicked out of
school and sent back home
being from a religious and
well-respected family within the
community I don't think my parents would
think that their son would be kicked out
of school for drugs
it just goes to show you that it does
happen to some of the best people in the
community which I witness day in and day
out
once I came home from being kicked out
of school I started to associate myself
with another group of friends that did
pills again I said I would never touch a
pill just like I said it with marijuana
but the peer pressure set in and there I
was I was hooked
if I stood here and told you all my
stories
where drugs took me we would be here all
day and probably multiple days
there was one story that stands out most
once a bad night I went out with a few
friends to pick up marijuana from a
dealer's house unfortunately my religion
that was always so important to me took
a back seat to drugs
I didn't care about Chevette I cared
about getting high because that is what
addiction does to a person
that night turned into a nightmare
where there was a raid on the Dealer's
house
there we were on a Friday night going in
the middle of this arrested and brought
to central booking without my parents
even knowing and that was probably the
worst night of my life
to make a very long story shorter I sat
there and I swore I would never touch a
drug again
I was let out on Saturday night without
any charges against me I was just caught
in the wrong place at the wrong time
without fail I went right back to what I
swore hours prior
I would never do again I was sitting
there in that dirty jail cell with
murderers heroin addicts you name it I
was sitting there and I remember praying
please just get me out of here I'll
never do it again
the moment I was released I went and got
high
that night you would think that I would
stop
but nothing stopped me what I thought
would scare me straight absolutely did
not
I continued just a few days later on
vacation with a boatload of drugs with
the boys because I could not say no but
now is more of an addiction and nothing
was stopping me I was so stuck it almost
felt like there was no way out it just
couldn't stop
I was getting into trouble blacking out
car accidents ruining relationships
Etc you name it I was doing it at a time
in which it seemed like it couldn't get
worse it did and it escalated and I
found myself experimenting with all
different drugs and getting hooked on
all of them
during this horrible time in my life
where it was just partying and drugs I
met my wife
and oh boy she had no idea what she was
getting herself into with me
but what she saw was a popular fun guy
from a good family she was young as most
girls in our community are when they
start dating
it showed she had no idea like most
don't she didn't know about my issues
and my addictions she thought it was a
little bit of pot a pill here and there
at a party
after two years we got married without
her parents even noticing my drug use I
believe they saw what kind of family I
was from and would never think that I
would be using drugs I was able to hide
everything I was doing and not show this
side of me this happens within the
community every day and I see it
constantly and it becomes a disaster of
a marriage and I get multiple phone
calls is this guy good is that guy good
I don't know why they call me but they
call me and I get these calls
all day
after getting married we moved to the
city and my drug addiction just got
worse she started to realize this wasn't
just something I did from time to time
at a party there was a problem
this wasn't the end of my story but just
the beginning
20 years ago is where my my story
started with safe my addiction at the
time wasn't at an all-time high
that summer I had my first born if you
ask me if I remember the birth of my son
I'd be lying to you if I said yes this
is how strong my addiction was I gave up
on one of the most important moments in
my life to drugs at that point my family
knew they had to come together and deal
with my issues
the night before my son's breasts is
where my whole family was by my in-laws
house without zorhar at a time in my
life where we were supposed to be
celebrating my firstborn but they were
done with me
sitting there threatening me to take
away everything I have including my son
my wife and my career
at this point was someone who came into
my life for a reason he came into my
home the next morning and said are you
truly ready to change your life or is
this a waste of time
I had that written but he actually
ripped me and killed me and said I'd
even want to say the language but I was
I was scared and I'm like I gotta just
say yes because I was petrified
at that moment I knew I was ready but
not sure if my mind was ready to give up
and the drugs would drink the the drugs
and drinking fully and one thing I want
to add when I was sitting there and my
whole family went down on me all I was
thinking about was oh my God I can't do
drugs with my friends anymore That's How
Strong the peer pressure and the
addiction gets you
I enter into safe when I when it was a
small room in the sbh building I was
probably one of the first people to
enter into the program
I put the work in with the support of
safe but a year and a half later I felt
like I needed to test the waters and
have a drink at that and that one drink
led to drinking every night and then
turned my life around and back to a
full-blown addiction
I let my family my wife Ike and safe
down what I said I was ready to give up
looking back that was just a play to get
them off my back for the moment and
possibly be able to do drugs and drink
in moderation which that never happens
and I've never seen an addict come in
for help and try to go back and drink
and do drugs in moderation never
that just doesn't work for someone with
an addiction and my life was back to
where it was prior to entering safe
my wife saw it all happen again and cold
Ike back into my life he was there
without hesitation and again ripped me
at this point I was sick mentally
I was sick and tired of being sick but I
also I was tired of letting everyone who
means the most to me in my life
I was ready and willing to do whatever
it takes with the safe to get my life
back and put the past behind me
I want to ensure everyone in this room
truly knows what safe is safe is not
just for the person with the addiction
safe is also for the family of an addict
and the people who are closest to them
my parents and my wife came with me to
save
and learned really what happened and why
did what I did in the past and had to
deal with it I stand here
16 years later
telling my story my story is why I'm
here safe was my lifeline safe repaired
my life and my relationships safe gave
me back at purpose safe made me a better
father and my three beautiful boys safe
made me move forward within our business
and be successful this isn't always the
end to everyone's story that works with
safe this person the person needs to
want to do all that safe has to offer
and do it for themselves I have seen
many different outcomes but that is
because the person is not at the point
where they need or want to change their
own life I have seen many marriages and
divorce and in divorce I've also
attended many funerals of my best
friends that died that did not that
didn't want the help and lost the battle
to the disease that not everyone wins
and I just want to add one thing
I promise you
I cannot count the amount of people in
this community that have passed away
from drug overdoses you might not know
it the family might hide it because they
are embarrassed but I could count at
least 50 people in the 20 years and I am
not making up a number that have passed
away from the age of 20 to 70 in this
community and died all of because of a
stupid pill and it started only from
drinking
it's a shame I've seen and got many
phone calls that you do not hear of kids
overdosing in the community 18 19 and
adults overdosing in the community I am
dealing with a case the kid overdosed
three times he is 19 years old you heard
me 19 years old
the last time he overdosed was in a shul
on Ocean Parkway a couple of months ago
so I'm not making up these stories this
is a serious situation
you just don't hear about it and people
hide it
they hide it because they're embarrassed
but they don't understand that they
could be saving their kids life
instead of protecting their name
I look at my I look at my life now and
what it used to be this gives me the
drive and determination to help everyone
I look back and see that I wouldn't have
become who I am today without getting
better I know Hashem gave me these prior
experiences so that I can stand here
today and help others it goes without
saying that this job never sleeps and it
isn't always the easiest there are days
where I get calls from parents in the
middle of the night that their child
needs help and I step right into
intervene to get them what they need
like Ike said I was texting him this
morning I got a call at 7 30 a.m from a
mother crying please help me my son is
28 he's in jail in New York City I have
no idea why the court officer called me
I need your help please
I get these calls constantly daily you
just don't hear about it
it goes without saying my phone is
always ringing and without hesitation I
will do whatever it takes I think that
anyone here that knows me I put my own
life and business on hold just to ensure
I can help someone the way I was helped
these have been so many there has been
so many cases that have come to me that
are truly unimaginable things that would
make your hair stand up you wouldn't
understand it you wouldn't believe that
it's happening in our community I
sometimes need to step in not only to
help the addict but sometimes it is the
parents siblings and the wife who need
the strength in order to move forward I
make this job my number one priority in
my life because I know how precious life
is and it doesn't need to be taken away
by an illness I saw not only my own life
being completely wrecked by Illness but
my family is also
I want to ensure this isn't something
that is going to continue within the
community that means so much to me next
to every man is a strong woman my wife
is there to show other women there are
also life after addiction and how to
manage through the hardest times she's
just like I am is there to do whatever
it takes to keep other women strong
there are some days she will sit on the
phone with another wife for hours just
because it might be a tough day and I go
enough
enough this person's calling you six
times but she still picks up the phone
because she knows what it feels like
what she went through and she only wants
that person to get better and give her
the strength and God bless her me I need
to get people off the phone quick give
me the information let me know and
she'll sit on the phone for hours so God
blessed her God bless her she's got
patience like a saint
she understands more than anyone because
she lived it and not everyone knows the
feeling
as a board member of save Foundation
which I never thought in a million years
that would be me I never thought I would
be honored I never thought I would get
the respect
I was a nobody I was a drug addict I was
a loser
it goes to show you people could get
better with the help of safe
our community is one that needs someone
a hundred percent and that is what me
and my wife are there for
beyond the meetings we open our home
ensuring that it is a welcoming and
comfortable environment for those
seeking help we host meetings twice a
week and the countless hours that go
into just one meeting couldn't be
possible without my wife
she really I have to say who opens up
their home
on a Saturday during the winter without
fail gets the food sets up and allows 20
to 30 addicts in our house so we could
have a meeting or Friday
sets it up by the pool and welcomes 30
to 40 guys and that's not just a number
a fake number we have 30 to 40 people
all different types of people every week
different rotation of people looking to
get help
learning from our own personal
experience takes more than just leaving
the toxic environment for 30 days it
takes support and guidance well after
that time safe is there with us ensuring
the addict continues on to recovery
I'm almost done
safe also just doesn't stop with someone
who is already battling addiction safe
is there in every single one of our
community schools teaching our children
from fifth to 12th grade about the FX of
drugs and how to battle the peer
pressure I'm seeing children as young as
eighth grade starting to use marijuana
which then is leading to the 12th grade
is used using hallucigens and that's
mushrooms all sorts of drugs what I see
all day and here I myself speak in every
Community School to tell my story so
kids can see how much drugs can affect
their lives I sometimes find myself
telling my story and kids coming to me
or calling me after and saying they
didn't know that something like that
could happen or that they have a problem
already this shows me now more than ever
how much we need safe as much as safe
educates our kids we need the support
parents pushing as a positive force
behind them not to go down their Road
there are parents that are smoking pot
and drinking and I get the call of
my kids smoking pot I said what what do
you want from me your smoking pot and
you're telling them they shouldn't smoke
pot and the kids know it
and there's thousands I mean thousands
of parents in the community that are
doing it I'm sorry that I have to say
this but this thousands and they expect
their kid to be good parents did not
even take the use of marijuana lightly
and be naive and turn the Blind Eye to
it because an occasional use of
marijuana could lead to my story
what I see in this community today is
only becoming worse it's scary to say
what it could be like in five years
without the safe Foundation we have many
challenges as a community it is
important to celebrate the lives we save
I have attended many weddings of people
the birth of children and the success in
business
all who have overcome their addiction
this is why we do what we do
and why safe is so important it is it is
the Moment Like These that remind us of
the importance of our support and the
impact we can have on addicts families
in our community today as we celebrate
the 20th anniversary of the safe
Foundation I know that my uncle Stanley
Cheerio Shalom though no longer with us
is in spirits is joining us in spirits
and I am grateful to my aunt cookie for
hosting this annual event please give
her a round of applause
I want to thank each and every one of
you for being here today in support of
such an important cause my wife and I
along with the safe team promise to
provide this community with continued
support in order to continue the work
work for our community we ask that we
come together and ensure we can keep our
community safe and supported thank you
thank you