Ruchi (Rachel) Freier advises to listen to the voices in your head, not the naysayers.

hi everyone I am so thrilled and excited to be here with you at this amazing event I just love events like this when many people from different backgrounds come together because by the time we're done I always realize there is so much more that unites us then actually separates us my name is Rocky fryer and as you have heard I'm an observant Jewish woman from the Hasidic community in Brooklyn New York and I will try to share with you my story of how I got to my position and the lessons I have learned along the way my journey is one of approximately 30 plus years and I will try to cram it in as much as possible in the 15 minutes I have my journey has been filled with naysayers every step of the way as I traveled and moved from one point to the next there were always people who would tell me rookie it's never going to happen and even if it would happen you won't be as religious anymore [Music] when I graduated high school I was 17 years old it was in the early 1980s and at that time there were no College opportunities for Hasidic boys and girls my high school offered a course in our senior year called Legal stenography which prepared students to be secretaries for lawyers I was never a rebel and would never consider going against the standards of my Hasidic community so this would be the highest job that I could get with my high school diploma actually with God's help I did very well despite the bad economy at that time I was offered a great legal secretarial job in the Manhattan law firm and continued to advance year after year by getting better job offers for more paying the salary made it possible for me to marry a Torah scholar who I would support while raising a family my parents were never wealthy nor did they have any connections or political contacts I had to work hard and pray to Hashem for his help so after I gave birth to my third child and I have six children three boys and three girls in that order and my three girls are married and live in Israel all my children are married [Music] so after my third child was born my husband decided that it was time for him to find some work that he could do part of the day and still devote most of the day to Torah study so we started to read the classified advertisements and realized it was not much that he can do at that point College opportunities began to open up which catered to the Hasidic and Ultra Orthodox communities so I encouraged my husband go go for your college degree while I continue to work and support our growing family at my husband's graduation I was 30 years old and the voice what that was inside of me which had been quiet for many years began to speak louder and louder now it's my turn to go to college now I should go but the naysayers worried me you see all my life I had been taught that we must be careful not to wander into the outside world that in order to remain religious we must be insular the naysayers kept saying it will be so hard for you to go to college and how will you stay Hasidic he won't be able to remain as committed to hasidism and Judaism once you embark on a path to higher education this really bothered me it made me wonder why why was it mutually exclusive why is it that I could either be Hasidic and religious or earn a degree and become a professional at that point I wasn't even telling anyone that I wanted to go to law school after college it was my dream and I kept it a dream but the voice inside me kept getting louder and louder I kept asking myself why can't I become a lawyer and still remain a Hasidic Jewish wife and mother I was facing a dilemma what should I do should I just stay with my job as a legal secretary or go to college and take the risk would I be able to really be content as a secretary my whole life I couldn't see myself being an old lady and telling my grandchildren Bobby could have been a lawyer but so I prayed a lot I beg God for his help I read books that were written by religious people and rabbis how to maintain your religious standards when you go out into the world but most of those books were written for men not for Hasidic women raising large families dreaming of Law School then Toro College opened its doors and created an incredible opportunity for religious Jews so I enrolled in Toro and I didn't find myself facing too many challenges it was almost like an extension of high school it was an all women's program with Jewish professors College took me six years because I didn't want to compromise my role as a wife and a mother by going to school I therefore didn't take too many classes per semester as I was still working full time as a legal secretary by the time I graduated college my six children were all born the youngest a set of twin girls were toddlers I had stopped working then as a legal secretary and went to school full-time and applied to law school I was so excited to be accepted to Brooklyn law school's part-time program the first day I entered the law school my heart was pounding the voice inside me began to speak again and it said am I making the right choice is this liberal academic environment appropriate for me the naysayers were all warning me that I would never get into law school that even if I did I wouldn't be able to finish that if I did graduate law school I would never pass the bar exam and if I did pass the bar exam I wouldn't be able to have a practice because who would come to a Hasidic a woman lawyer so I made my deal with God dear God I said please help me get through law school without compromising my Jewish Hasidic values and when your children come to me for help I will help them I made a commitment to do cure of Outreach at law school and to continue to pray three times a day so I needed to find a quiet place because I knew that often I would have classes during the time that minha needs to be prayed the morning and evening prayers of chakras and mariv could be said at home but not minha which must be said before the sun sets I asked one of the Jewish law students who I befriended let's call her Sarah where she would recommend as a quiet place for me today now don't get me wrong I'm not embarrassed to dive into public you'll see me on the airplane on a bus or on a train praying from my sitter but I needed a place to concentrate without other law schools law students looking at me Sarah suggested I check out the staircase behind the cafeteria which had another staircase behind it she thought nobody used that staircase and it would be an ideal place she was right it was quiet and never used for four years in one of the books that I had read on preparing myself to enter the outside world it said that we should always be proud of who we are and not try to hide our religious values just to blend in I made a point of letting all my professors and fellow law students know that I was Hasidic I guess that's why I never got invited to any of the bars for drinks people were always asking me questions and I wanted to share the joy of the citizen and the beauty of Judaism in law school I began to organize on my own holiday events I would prepare a celebration for each holiday by bringing in kosher holiday food setting up student Lodge with festivities and bringing my children in one of my sons would play Jewish music on his keyboard and I would have the Jewish professors most who weren't even observant get up to speak and share whatever they knew about the holidays the Jewish High holidays Hanukkah Purim pesach all were celebrated by the time I graduated law school one of my classmates had become fully observant and I beg for khala for her baby son's breasts that took place in my last semester of Law School one day before graduation I walked into the building and I went to the security guards to say goodbye and thank them they always helped me set up for my holiday events they helped me carry and schlep the props from my butt from my car that I parked in the back and I said to them I can't believe I'm graduating and I'm gonna miss you guys you were always so helpful and so nice to me and they both smiled and one of the guards said to me we're going to miss you too with your little book my little book I asked quite puzzled my law school books they weigh more than me what are you talking about he then began to point to the security screen on his desk and he said we're going to miss watching you on the security screen praying with your little book I just couldn't believe it for four years I thought I was praying alone completely unnoticed and in privacy when in fact the staircase behind the staircase was the fire exit with a security camera facing me head on every one of us was created by God as Unique Individuals that sell them Elohim in the image of God while we are all different we all share a special connection to God while we come from different backgrounds we are all part of the chosen people we didn't choose to be Jews God made that choice for us but what we do with our connection with God our relationship with God that's our choice now don't think for one second that to be successful in the outside world whether it's the academic world the legal world the medical world the corporate world that you need to compromise your connection with God whatever connects you to Hashem whatever connects you to God hold on to it tightly and don't let go because my journey taught me that people want people to look up to when you show proudly that you are a keeper you eat kosher You observe the Shabbos even when no one is looking the message you are giving is that you are a person of loyalty commitment dedication and honesty and in the outside world when people see your commitment to God they will trust you and not let you let go I'll end off with one of my favorite Hasidic stories of repsitia of annapo he was one of the first from the earliest Hasidic rabbis in the 18th century when your position was on his deathbed he was crying his disciples were mystified why is the rabbi crying whoever they said you are such a holy Rabbi why are you crying surely you will go straight to gun Eden and he said I am not crying because up in heaven they're going to ask me zisha why won't you like Moses and I'm not crying because they're going to ask me up in heaven visha why won't you like King David I'm crying because they're gonna ask me zisha why weren't you like zisha could have been none of us here know what our potential is and for all our dreams and hopes there will be naysayers saying that it's not possible but when we make choices we must remember that we are created with Incredible potential and with a connection to God never underestimate your potential and never compromise your connection to God because you don't know what you can accomplish and who you will inspire by remaining connected to God may we all Merit feeling our connection to Hashem so that we sanctify God's name by the choices we make thank you thank you [Applause]