Rivki Silver @ Project Inspire Retreat 2019

is this good yeah fantastic okay hi good morning so happy to be here with you it's been so nice getting to know you guys over the weekend this has been an amazing retreat and I'm happy that we get to spend a little more time together before we all go out to our respective communities and return to the routine of our lives right so you know how people like to group themselves according to similar types like we like cliques people like to congregate with people who are similar to them and we see this very distinctly in the ecosystem that is known as the high school lunchroom right so like what table do you sit at you have like the athletic kids and you have the academic kids you should call them Jackson nerds but like whatever now let's be more nice about it so academic and athletic and you have band kids and you have theater kids you have kids who maybe don't fit in and kids who are rebelling against the world already and it's very fraught with drama and it's important with a capital I because where you sit and who you associate with like really defines you when you're at this stage of individuating from your family and thankfully we all grow and mature but even though we grow immature out of this mindset we still like to associate with people who we feel represent us who are similar to us and that's how we get all of these labels that you see in life and you have stay-at-home moms you have working moms and you have soccer moms and dance moms and stage moms and homeschooling moms there's a lot of categories just for moms and you have DIY people and you have tech people and you have sports fans and use sports fanatics if introverts you have extroverts you have morning owls and you have morning people night owls type a Type B we have all of these different types of people who drink coffee and people who somehow manage to exist without coffee which I don't understand my husband is one of these people he doesn't drink coffee he doesn't drink coffee I don't understand it but he manages it to function well huh you also don't so there you go so I'm happy for you I need like two cups of coffee before I'm a human being yeah okay so but we'd sit and look we all get along even though we are different fantastic it's not a really funny example of this tendency to affiliate ourselves with people that we feel represent us a couple years ago one or two years ago there was a speech going around online there was a military general retired who was giving a commencement address and he was telling these kids were graduating how to have a successful life that's what we usually do in commencement addresses and he was saying make your bed in the morning that is the key to a successful life just take the two or three minutes and make your bed that's gonna set you up for success and so all of these people were sharing it online they were saying like yeah I knew that I'd made my bed for a reason yes this is very validating I'm this is why I'm successful but at the same time there was an article going around that said people who are successful are the ones who don't make their beds and there was a study that proved this and so then I had a whole bunch of other friends were saying like yeah that's right I knew there was a reason they don't make my bed that's why I am successful so I was cracking up and it was also very comforting because then I know no matter if I make me better if I don't make me bad I'm gonna be successful in life so that's good we like to spend time with people who we feel represent us and who we feel are similar to us there was a research study that said there might even be a biological component to this we might be physically hardwired to seek out people who are similar to us but I don't know about you I don't think that there needs to be a study to explain why this is right it's it more comfortable to spend time with people who agree with you people who don't agree with you right when people agree with you it's validating it says yes I'm doing this thing called life right it's comforting it feels good and when you spend time with people who disagree with you it creates tension and cognitive dissonance and sometimes even makes you like reassess like what you're doing with your life which is very uncomfortable fine but do we agree with our friends on every single issue in life no no it's pretty much impossible to agree with another human being on every issue so when we have these relationships these personal relationships we usually just agree to disagree right and you avoid difficult topics Thanksgiving is coming up that's at the holiday of avoiding difficult topics right and agree to disagree there's gonna be tons of articles online about how to survive the holiday when you disagree with your family which we all do we don't agree with everyone on everything and it works on an individual level and a level of small groups but what happens when you get a critical mass of people when you have a community so then the stakes change because when you have a large group of people when you have a community and they're all doing the same thing there is greater communal pressure greater social pressure to be the same to agree to be like everyone else and there's greater stakes the stakes are higher for if you disagree if you're going to step out of line if you're going to stand out if you're going to stand up for something different the stakes are higher it's harder and there are greater repercussions so how do we navigate this how do we navigate being part of a community but also retaining our individuality and what does Judaism even say about community and individuality so this is what I want to look at today so let's dive right in so from the outset Judaism is a community based religion we can agree on this I think right so when God gave Moses the Torah on Mount Sinai he gave it to all of us as a nation we were all there and the rabbi's teach us that every Jewish soul that ever existed in the history of time was there at the foot of the mountain you were there you were there I was there we were all there so this is like community with a capital C complete community not like a lot of other major world religions where there was a personal revelation one guys that oh I heard God talked to me and then like boom new world religion no we are a community based religion and we see this going forward through our history as a Jewish people like we were in the community in the desert as we are wandering together during the times of the temples we gather together three times a year as a community to celebrate the holidays together and in the Diaspora this communal base this communal structure continues to exist we could we get we congregate together to pray we celebrate our happy events together we mourn together there's Octus there's community there's togetherness we are a community based people and the rabbi's tell us about community and what this means for us and the ethics of the fathers in chapter 2 paragraph 5 hello the elder says do not separate yourself from the community okay that seems pretty clear-cut right but then he goes on to say four different sentences that are seemingly unrelated says do not trust yourself until the day you die do not judge your fellow man until you have stood in his place do not say something that cannot be easily understood on the assumption that it will be eventually understood and do not say I will study when I have time because you may not have time so what's the story with this paragraph is this like the equivalent of like a napkin that hillo was jotting down ideas on when he was I don't know sitting around somewhere no no we know that in Judaism there's always more beneath the surface you have the surface level and then you have a lot of depth underneath and on acecomm there's a great article by rabbi zev left that talks about this paragraph and he says yeah right so he says not only are these five sentences related to each other but the four final sentences are actually in support for the first sentence the premise of the paragraph anyone remember what that first sentence was good yeah exactly do not separate yourself from the community so let's take a look at these this the first sentence I mean the second sentence the first of the final four sentences it's a little confusing it says do not trust yourself until the day you die okay harsh a little bit but what does this mean it means that we are not existent independent of our surroundings you are not Iraq you are not an island you are in the context of your community and your community affects you now I had a personal experience with community being except Lea exceptionally supportive there was if anyone missed my speech yesterday I'll give you a very very clip Cliff Notes version of my background I wasn't Jewish then I thought I might be Jewish then I realized I wasn't Jewish then I like Judaism so then I converted okay now you're caught up and when I was first observing when I was first being religious everything was amazing right super inspiring all the time whew we call this the Judaism honeymoon and I was lucky it lasted a long time I was very inspired for a long time but then thank God my family grew and I started becoming very involved and just like the nitty-gritty day-to-day of taking care of small children and running a household just all the physical details and I didn't have as much time to study and nourish that part of myself and then I had a few experiences in life that were difficult as we all do and I went through some challenges where I was like oh why do I have to go through this and I started to feel disconnected and I started to feel uninspired and it was so much so that I would like go to a class and I would come away from the class go in like net that wasn't inspiring and it was not a good place to be it was hard and I felt as connected and I didn't feel inspired and I was still going through the motions but I felt distant but all I had to do was go outside my front door and I was surrounded by people who were still trying to connect who were still doing the things that I was also doing and who were there to be able to support me through this time when I was feeling uninspired when I was not feeling connected and they helped me and they helped me remember why I had been inspired and why I wanted to do these things and I saw the kindnesses that they were doing and I saw the learning that they were doing and so it kept me afloat and then thank God when I was back in a place where I was feeling connected when I was feeling inspired again because I hadn't lost much ground because the community bolstered me and being around people who were able to support me when I was not feeling it helped me get to a place where I was still okay when I got back to feeling it does that make sense yeah so the next sentence is do not judge your fellow man until you have stood in his place now this is like one of my favorite things in the entire Torah I love this one so much because are we ever in someone else's place no no we are not because everyone has their own unique childhood their own unique personality their emotional disposition their physical disposition we are all completely different and so you can never really understand someone else's decision-making process or why they do the things they do if you're married you can see this very clearly and all right so grab a is rabbi left says that when you're in a community it's very easy so easy if neighbors you have co-workers and you get to know them pretty well and you start to think that you can make judgments on like why they're making the decisions you see that you're like oh why they do that all right I know they could get a new car that's interesting and it's easy to get in the place of judgment rev Goff said yesterday his classes that were like six times more likely to think negatively than think positively and this happens also we have a tendency to be judgmental it's also like a protection mechanism but Rev Left says don't fall into this trap because if you only look at the negative if you only see the negative in your community then you're not going to want to be part of the community right you have to go out of your way to see the positive I read an amazing story that touched on this issue a couple weeks ago and there was a woman who was in synagogue she was it was the holidays and she was really excited to go pray she got to her seat and she was taking out her prayer book and she was connecting and all of a sudden she heard this really really really loud voice from over here really loud and the first she thought okay so good for him like he's really into it I'm happy that he's connecting but after a while it was hard to think so positively she found herself being more negative and critical and saying like does he think he's the only one here hello does he not realize that there are other people who are also trying to pray this is so annoying it's so self-centered what is he doing this for and during break she went out she saw an acquaintance of hers and they were schmoozing and this acquaintance said I'm sure you heard my husband he's praying very loudly over there because my father is blind and he can't read and so my husband is praying loudly so he can help my father follow along in the prayers okay who could have seen that coming right you don't know and so when she went back to her prayers and she heard this by the voice again she had a completely different perspective because instead of seeing someone who's annoying and someone who's self-centered she saw someone who was being selfless who's doing something that is probably also uncomfortable for him but he's doing it to help out his father-in-law so you can't judge someone you don't know you have to extend yourself and try to say maybe there's something I don't see maybe there's more to the picture maybe there's something I don't understand and try to reach a place where you can be positive the next one says do not say something that cannot be easily understood on the assumption that it can be understood later I happen to think that that also is a little hard to understand but let me tell you it's about communication and communication as you probably know it can be tricky sometimes you think you're being perfectly clear and still someone does not understand I had a situation once where I was in the car with someone from Brooklyn I'm from the Midwest and we were driving somewhere in she said can you look in the back get my loose-leaf so I looked in the back I did not see any loose leaf papers so I said I don't see it I don't I don't see any loose leaf and she's like no no it's right there at the loose leaf and I looked back again I did not see any loosely papers so I said to her I'm sorry I don't see it and finally she said no the loose leaf binder and I said oh a binder oh it's right there let me get it for you but we were speaking a different language I didn't I didn't know that that's what they called it in that region it was just different so Reb left says sometimes when you come into a community often if you move from one community to another it can be a physical location it can be a spiritual relocation but you come with your own set of opinions and biases and preconceived notions and sometimes when you come into a new community you find resistance you might think that what you're doing is normal and someone in the community that a new community might say oh that's not how we do it so of course what's the natural tendency you're gonna feel defensive am i right can you see how this might be so instead of feeling defensive which is normal first feel your feelings 100% but then look at it as an opportunity to say why do I believe this why do I have this preconceived notion where is it coming from because it's a precious opportunity to really find out why you believe what you believe because you don't always know where these things come from sometimes you can be open to changing them there was a hilarious story that I heard about a young couple and she was making roasts for the first time for her husband and since they were newly married they're spending all this time together he was in the kitchen with her spending all the quality time together and he watched as she chopped off both ends of the roast and threw them in the garbage and he was like I'm what are you doing like meats not cheap like why are we putting this in the garbage and she said well that's just how my family's always done it I don't know that's just what we've done and he said okay that's unexpected maybe you should find out why'd you do that and so she was talking to her mom and she said ma why do we cut off the ends of the roasts when we make the roast and she said I don't know that's just how my mother did it maybe talk to your grandmother and so she called her grandmother said Bubbe why do we cut the ends off roasts where's this where's this tradition come from she said oh well when I was newly married I only had a very small pot and a whole roast wouldn't fit in the pot so I had to cut off the ends to make sure it fit in the pot I know right exactly it seems simple to me too but you know so you should have been there with them it could help them so we have to know where our ideas coming from why do we do what we do and so that is an opportunity to introspect and find out why you're doing what you're doing now the last one is do not say I will study later when I have time because you may not have time so right now you're all studying you're all here so you should give yourselves a pat on the back yeah you're making the time good yeah good and revs laughs had an very interesting take on this he said sometimes if you're in a community you might feel like the communal obligations that you have of being part of a community might take away from your time to study and so you might say I'm gonna distance myself from the community it's taking away from my time to study studying is more important and so I'm gonna separate myself from the community I don't want to be involved they said this is a mistake because you never lose out by doing a Mitzvah and it could be that if you say no to a Mitzvah because you're intending to study you may not get to study anyways like let's say someone asks you to make a meal for someone who just had a baby and you say you know I really want to study and I'm not gonna make this meal someone else can do it it's fine and then what happens like your toilet backs up or something and all the time that you would have been spending studying your spending taking care of that's fun mess and so you didn't get the Mitzvah of making the meal and you didn't get to study either he said you never lose out by doing a mitzvah of being involved in the community so don't use that as an excuse so don't separate yourself in the community and hello goes on to say that when you look at the community and you look at the individual the community is stronger it's more substantial and community is very slow to change like glacially slow and individual is very quick to change we can change a lot I mean just in the story of my life you know in 2003 I graduated from college not Jewish in 2005 or 2006 I'm like learning in Israel and is in a school that's a very big change in a very short period of time the individual can change dramatically and we should change every year not maybe that dramatically but every year we should grow and we should learn and I hope that every year I'm different than I am dear before but in the community the community changes so slowly and although sometimes I made feel frustrating it's part of the secret of Jewish continuity part of the reason that we're still here is because the strength of our tradition and the power of the community and the communal tradition is a stabilizing force for us and you can see this if you take like a Torah scroll in Yemen and a Torah scroll in Brooklyn do the same the same words even the same ornamentations on the words on the letters because the power of our tradition is so strong and it keeps us going Mark Twain had a famous essay maybe some of you know it he visited the Holy Land in the 1800s and it made such an impression on him and he wrote this essay that was talking about how you know we're a very ancient people and there are all these other ancient civilizations that existed also at the same time and they're all gone the Egyptians they're gone the Greeks they're gone the Romans they're gone we are still here we are still here and part of it is because of the part of it is because God promised that we'd still be here obviously and then also the strength of our tradition the strength of our community so community is super important have I established this okay so does this mean that we should just always do what everyone else is doing and we should push down all of our individuality for the sake of the community and we should only be like everyone else because the community is so important and it's what's keeping us live as as Jewish people is individual out is individuality even kosher so let's address this when I was first looking to convert and I moved into the Jewish community I wanted to show the rabbi's in charge that I was like really serious and that I was really a good candidate please let me be Jewish and the way that I thought that I should do this was to be like everyone else right I was always a very colorful person i express my individuality through like my appearance a lot so I was a colorful from head to toe but as I moved into the community I thought people were a little more conservative so I said okay let me see how I'm going to do this and I paid very close attention it was like anthropology I paid very close attention to what everyone was doing what did they wear they spend their free time what kind of small talk that they make it sounds a little like creepy when I say it like this but really it was normal and I just want it to be like everyone else and so I embarked upon that I was learning Hebrew and I was learning the social cues of the community but as I was doing this I made the assumption that I should pretend like anything that had existed in my life before this point didn't exist like shut the door put it in the back of the closet it didn't if it didn't fit with a new me then it didn't exist so basically my life started in 2005 and I went on like this for years I went on like this when I got married I moved to Cleveland and although I was fitting in I was preventing myself from authentically connecting to anything I wasn't able to authentically connect to other people because I was hiding like my entire past so you can't make a friendship that way you're not being honest with people I was not authentic ly connecting to myself because I was not able to integrate these parts of my life and I was not authentic ly connecting to God because I was saying this is how I should do Judaism based on what everyone else around me is doing and I wasn't saying is this how I am supposed to connect to God is is how I am supposed to connect to Judaism so it came to a head when my oldest was 4 and he started to notice that Grandma and Grandpa were a little different than us they said like why did you and Grandpa do different things and I said help I called my rabbi said what do I do and he was like well of course you should be open with your children and he helped me see that my past wasn't something to hide and that if I was meant to be Orthodox my entire life God would have just had me born into an Orthodox family already but that was not the journey that my soul was supposed to take I was supposed to have these experiences to be born into my family and then come to Judaism later in life with all of the skillsets and the experiences that I have and I wasn't supposed to hide those and pretend that it didn't exist I supposed to see what I could integrate into my new life and so thank God I had that and it changed everything for me and I saw how being an individual was crucial and being an individual is actually in our DNA as the Jewish people Abraham our forefather he was known as Avraham ha every on the other side what was he on the other side of the whole world was worshipping idols and did he say he said no no there's just one god and not only did he say there's one God he said I don't care if you throw me in a furnace I don't care if you put me in jail I don't agree with you I'm gonna be different there is one god you can't talk me out of it no matter what you do it's in our DNA and we see it also with the 12 tribes when Jacob one of our patriarchs was on his deathbed he called in his sons to give them blessings now he didn't call him all in at the same time and say okay all 12 of you now you have this like national destiny go do exactly the same thing that somebody did he called them in individually and he gave them each an individual blessing based on their own unique personalities their own strengths and their own challenges and as they developed into the 12 tribes each tribe has its own unique mission you had the priestly tribe and you had the tribe that became the kingship and you had the tribe that was dedicated to commerce and he had a tribe that was dedicated to learning they were all different they had their own flags there were all difference represent their individualism and we also hear in Proverbs it says educate a child according to his way because the Torah acknowledges that we're all different and you have to reach a kid a child in the way that it's gonna speak to him and you know if anyone is here in education or as a parent you see that even kids from the same family can be wildly different and what their needs are am i right so you have to see each kid is an individual each person is an individual the Torah acknowledges this so if we're gonna be an individual oh and I forgot very important you were the only person who will ever exist with your skillset we're supposed to say the whole universe was created for me and this reminds me of something else I saw online that said God created the entire universe and they thought that you were important enough to put one of you in it this is a very Jewish concept you're the only person in the history of time that has your unique skill set you have something that you can bring to the world and the Jewish people that no one else can bring okay so now community is important but being an individual is important so what do we do with these two seemingly contradictory ideas so first let's take a look what does it mean to be an individual sometimes people all might have the idea that being an individual means doing whatever you want regardless of what society around you is doing just do your own thing ignore everyone else so that's not exactly it's really being an individual means connecting to yourself on the most fundamental part of yourself to your very specific fundamental basic part of yourself to the core of yourself and this means you could look like everyone else and you could be seemingly doing what everyone else is you can still be an individual it's not an amazing idea of this by the little above it you're rather on the Torah portion of naso this is when the Jewish people are still in the desert and they make this tabernacle so they can worship God it's a whole thing to make this tabernacle if you remember a whole thing and when it's finally done they make a party and at this party the princess of every tribe bring a present and the Torah details it every try every Prince gets a paragraph it's it's like Prince so-and-so son of so-and-so brings such and such present Prince so and so son of so-and-so brings such and such present they all bring the same thing the same thing so why do we need to say it twelve times we know that Torah is like prime real estate and we know that it also doesn't waste words there's no filler wouldn't it just be more simple to say and every Prince brought the same present right why does it have to spend all the time its pages like you should look at it in the commission the Torah it's a lot of space so the labove ature rebus says yes it looks like they brought the same thing it looks identical absolutely but each Prince had their own unique intention each of them had a different idea and a different meaning for why they gave that same present it looks the same you could look the same but you're still different because you have an individual wrong so what do we do with this what can you take home with you these are nice ideas I'm happy that we got to talk about them but what can you do how can you take this back with you to your homes to your communities what does this mean for you on a day-to-day basis so there's different personality types you have some people who they have a tendency to be more on the conformist type right if there is a choice to do something the same as everyone else are different they're gonna be the same being different stepping out of line makes them nauseous they don't want to do it it's scary please no let me just be like everyone else fine so there's other people who are more on the nonconformist side if everyone's going right they're gonna go left everyone's wearing blue they're gonna wear orange they want to be like different so and then of course sometimes we are on the spectrum depending on different choices that we have to make but we tend to be on one side the other so if you're the more conformist type then when you're in a situation where you have to make a choice but could be a situation in life where you have to decide to be with the community or not anyone have any ideas like no one okay fine what about like kids kids birthday parties you can tell this is the situation in life that I'm in my kids are well we're its birthday party season all the time and so some people are having like over-the-top birthday parties but it doesn't work for you it doesn't work for your family your kid doesn't like big parties but you feel like maybe they're gonna feel left out if you do something different so you have a choice you can do something like everyone else even though you know it may not be right for your kid and you're just doing it because of social pressure or you could say no this isn't right for me it's uncomfortable to be different I don't like it but this is what's right for me you have to introspect and ask yourself am i making this decision just because everyone else is doing it or am i making this decision because it's right for me so that's one challenge if you're on the other end of the spectrum you're more of a nonconformist sudden you have to ask yourself the opposite question am I making this decision just because it's different from everyone else or is this a decision that is right for me I had this experience with um when our family grew big enough that we needed something more than a sedan it was either get a minivan or get an SUV and for some reason I just I didn't want to get a minivan I just could not do it I'm not I'm not there and so I was like we got an SUV we got a Chevy Traverse it's great it seats eight I love it except I really wish now that I had a minivan you get the automatic doors also do you know like if you park with baby car seats and the doors open like this it's really hard if it's tight parking space like it's I mean work out fine but I wish I had a minivan then I had me the decision only because I didn't want to be like everyone else so that is the time when I would have benefited from saying why am I making this decision learn for me don't be like me or you know what I mean so fine when we are able to tap into our individualism when we were able to make sure that we're making the decisions based on what is good from us and not just because we're doing it like everyone else or not like everyone else so not only is it good for us it's also good for the Jewish people we're helping ourselves and we're helping the community on a personal note I had this experience when I have a degree in clarinet performance yes it's very practical I did have a plan to do something with this but then I became from whatever thank God so I thought that this degree with clinic performance was something that I wasn't going to be able to use classical music what are the days that usually have classical concerts Friday nights and Saturdays obviously this was a conflict with my new lifestyle so I thought fine I'm just not going to use this ability whatever so fast forward I'm at a school in Israel at Nevada Russia I am I'm having a meeting with the principal Rabbi Moshe Tsiolkovsky he finds out I play the clarinet and he asked me do you practice every day and I say no and he says with his British accent which makes it like fifteen thousand times more intimidating he was like why not I was like um I was like panic panic panic I figured I should come up with a safe answer so I said because I'm here to learn Torah sounded like a safe answer it was not a safe answer because he said he was a start like stroking his beard long white beard and he said you girls you become religious you think you can leave everything behind that's not the way to do it you have to practice every day so I didn't actually practice every day after that because it's very hard to be the disciplined but the message stayed with me so something I'm supposed to use this is a unusual ability that I have it's different from most other people most of the people do not have a high level of clarinet proficiency but it's something that I'm supposed to use in my life I'm supposed to find a way to use it in my life and thank God I've been able to have been able to do performances in my community and I've been able to use my musical skills for the community benefits me benefits the community on a larger scale there was a woman in Krakow Poland in the 1920s named Sara Schneier she was a seamstress and in Poland at that time there was a phenomenon going on where all of the boys were being educated on a high level and Judaic Studies not all of them a good number of them they had a high level of Judaic knowledge and the girls went to public school and whatever they learned at home is what they learned so what happened is as they grew up the boys ended up over here and the girls ended up over here and the boys that want to get married to the girls and the girls didn't want to be premiered to the boys and it was a problem so Sarah shanira saw this problem and she said I have an idea why don't we start educating the girls we can start a teacher's school we can start educating the girls so they have a higher level of knowledge of Judaic Studies and then a I'll solve the problem it sounds like a good idea but people were like what are you talking about that's not how we do it it's not necessary we don't need to do it that way and she could have said okay the community doesn't want it fine and just go back to being a seamstress but she felt so strongly and she did something that's crucial when you feel like you need to do something against the community something different she went and got advice she went to someone who was objective who was wise she went to very holy rabbis and this is something that is so important if you find yourself in a situation where you need to do something different get advice go to someone who is objective who is wise and who can help you talk through it and help him see is this the right course of action so she went to these rabbis she got blessings from them and she started the base Yaakov movement which now has changed the face of Education for Jewish girls there's these high schools and seminaries like post-high school institutions around the world and because she stepped out and because she said this is uncomfortable it's different what everyone else was doing but I'm going to do it she helped the Jewish community and she changed the face of the Jewish people something else is very important when you're being yourself and when you're finding out and you're being introspective and - am i doing this is this what's good for me is you have to also not compare yourself to other people you are unique you have the skill set that you need don't look at other people I know this is not so easy it's so easy to say I wish I was like my sister in law I wish I was like that neighbor there so put together their kids are always clean you know just hypothetically and this is a trap that we can't fall into you for sure be inspired by people 100% but don't compare yourself to people don't say I wish it was like that person God didn't make you like that person God made you like you there was a book I read not so long ago about there's a woman named Henny ma class in Jerusalem yeah yeah okay right famous for hosting just hundreds of people in her little apartment for Shabbos all the time tremendous tremendous person that I read this book and I was inspired but I also started feeling bad about myself like I have a hard time having like one guest I was like I'm being such a bad Jew like I can't do anything even remotely close to this person then I remember it that's ok God gave me this disposition I don't have the personality type to be able to do that at all I get stressed out too easily and I'm not expected to be like that but I can still be inspired by it I can still say how can I improve this aspect of my connection to Judaism how can I improve hospitality what can I do on my level I'm not going to be like that I'm not supposed to be like that but what can I do on my level to improve my own connection to that particular thing we can be inspired and there's a famous story about Reb's Usha of a Nepal Han a Nepali or Hannah poll on Wikipedia it says both so I think I'm covered either way so it was in Ukraine in like the 1700s she was a very holy cutted and there are a lot of stories about him one story is that on his deathbed he was crying he was so upset was scared and his students were saying to him Remz Usha why are you so upset you're so holy you've done so many good deeds surely when you get to heaven you're gonna be fine and he said no I'm worried I'm not worried that when I get to heaven God's gonna ask me sucia why weren't you like Moshe why would you like Moses Lucia why weren't she like King David I'm what I'm worried that he's gonna say oh sure why wouldn't you like sucia we're not supposed to be like other people we're supposed to be like ourself we're supposed to do what we're supposed to do and when we do this it's like an orchestra every or every member of the orchestra has their own unique role they have their own part they're supposed to play the clarinet plays this part the flute plays this part the violins play this part now if they play them all whatever they want without the rules of the orchestra does it sound good no it does not sound good though my husband liked the part where all warming up and it sounds a little bit like disparate but that's fine if you can like that really we're supposed to play our own innovate or own individual parts within the context of the greater community so find your individualism within the context of the community and I give you all a blessing that you should always have the wisdom and the understanding and the guidance to know how to tap into your own unique abilities within a community that appreciates you and we should all have that clarity and go forward and make the world a better place with our own unique abilities thank you twelve you see me yeah I saw the fact that repeating over them because they didn't trying to do something different Oh interesting everybody no one wanted like I'll do the next day interesting and they all just went you know they make a hostel we're gonna no they also we're gonna do the same thing that was an important that a shame putting the Torah twelve times the sensitivity that they were like trying to be like sensitive to each other and I'll do each other beautiful I love thank you know yeah I know right so thank God my parents are the first I thought it was a phase obviously they're like Oh cute whatever and then like after I like what is room and got married and having kids really gone maybe not a fancy and thank god they're very supportive like they feel like the community is to kiddush Hashem like they say the way the community takes care of each other and like my dad says like look at the gold world like people take care of each other he's so grateful that we have this community exactly and their husbands such a mensch and like it's like it's thank God yeah I'm very fortunate that I want to feel like I'm talking to Queens we run think it's likely yeah yeah they're coming to me for Thanksgiving that's good look every because I obviously can't go to them yeah exactly I did think about to come into yeah I mean I have to sit like my kids are so minute all this is only 10 you know so it's like a dancer this type of thing it's hard to get out yeah yeah absolutely okay but I can do I can do like trips like if not over a shot that's but like during the week yeah exactly Cleveland it's not so close three one four six eight six zero zero six six what's your name okay total begun they live in st. Louis from Cleveland it's like my nose Edie Edie Edie I have to think I have to think it I'm sorry just is not gonna did the guy I heard I heard that you're the reason that they bribed him and thank you so much it's such an honor to be here and I'm so grateful she's like she'll stay with me I'm like oh I have all the baby toys with all the little kids oh so de leyva dicks so like you know okay okay so I can I bought a trampoline to my basement because the guy was like winter winter is long and Cleveland I need to make their own yeah well that's why I got the trampoline because there's the couch is like crazy yeah are you yeah I have you I even put it together get those like Dom that actually fits a nice many basements of your basement no but I closed they need to be happy I'm going home today sometime it like I don't know two three something yeah the whole world yeah she was America was back stop I didn't know that not the guys yeah not surprised hey let me get let me just get great thank you so much thank you so much I had to tell them about my name funny it's okay you're allowed to do the holiday yeah but with today like today when the it was amazing it was amazing I just hope she's the creative oh yeah she just says put this what do you need you need I mean you need both types yeah I can't like if she's like if he dip the taxis and jokin I'm like I don't know if I look like I said but I did things it usually just makes a big fat man it was it was so good man it was really nice [Music] okay whatever I'll we don't label I don't feel good she doesn't even though we had a good time together I love working with no II have a good team yeah no that's the team that I worked with a colleague in Cleveland also is because they're just so fun to work with yeah yeah question number seven I won seven yeah two three nine yes 25:11 okay if I'm ever I don't know when but okay okay hi thanks my peanut ring yeah right right so I was just you know curious because Michener New York yeah I guess