Restoring Your Radiance through Atonement Shaarei Teshuva 1:36-38 with Rabbi Aaron Dovid Poston

[Music] everybody back to the shark truva kabura yes it's for women but as we know anybody can watch it and um we're in shar aleth we are in paragraph 36. this rod hashem will be able to cover a few paragraphs tonight bizrat hashem so we start off with the idea that now we're in the 11th principle okay the 13th principle is okay there's going to be this very important verse in echa that's lamentations chapter 3 verse that begins with this word means to search so one of the things we're going to do is understand what jeremiah wanted us to do he wrote as the verse begins that we let us examine our ways let's sorry let's search our ways because the word examine is not the next paragraph but it's we're going to be using the same verse the is to to examine if you were god forbid ever arrested and you went under an investigation it's called in hebrew in israel it's called a hakira okay so you don't want that what we want to do is do our own uh examination of our own deeds right we don't need uh someone else doing it for us hopefully if we do it ourselves we'll never be in that position okay so the verse says that right and the latter part of the verse is in return to hashem so what is the prophet telling us let us search and examine our ways and return to hashem so the very first thing is the hippos okay there's actually three like aspects to this what we're going to do is there's three reasons why one should examine their ways so let's go through them the first reason is now this i'm going to translate it patience it could sound very depressing but in order to remember all your sins that you committed and to say confession regarding them now i understand i mean whoever's been through yom kippur right i can't imagine every young kipper i'm thinking okay i'm through it i'm only going to remember the sins i did this year and you know what comes up it's a real it's like a little bit depressing oh my god all of a sudden i start to think of sins i did over the years that i wonder did i do truva did i confess this right it's like i'm in this meditative state so it's not a bad thing okay but it could be overwhelming to remember all your sins you've ever done and this is gonna be it's gonna play a great part in making sure that you don't sin again okay so number one is right you're gonna remember all your sins confess them as we mentioned we know there are three main principles even though the roberto yona in charity trouba goes through 20 of these steps the main idea is these three major concepts or major steps and that we call kharatta which is regret forsaking the sin not you know confirming we're not going to go back and do it again and vito which is confession and we discussed these in earlier chapters okay so obviously what he's just saying is that the vedoi the confession is is actually part of the atonement process which we all know and agree with and he goes on what's the second reason that you should as we say examine i'm sorry search the second reason is hoshini in order to you should know how many sins you have and so not only you should know how many sins you have but it also adds this idea of humility in other words we already discussed how humility is it's all it's almost like the key you want atonement you want to have a communion with god you want to be at one with hashem you know you have to be humble because if you're so full of ego full of yourself there's no room for god right so number one is to remember them all and do that make sure you do the vid it's it's the car it's the main principle second thing is that you should know what you should know how many you have now he has the idea of intentional and unintentional which is going to play a major part later on but it will make you more humble knowing you have more than one right a handful of sins vashti and the third reason that you should search for your sins even though you've already accepted upon yourself to remove the sin from you not to do it again we call it abandonment of the sin sarik daring we'll continue the sentence in a second so what you need the reason why you should um and the reason why you should uh as he says accept upon yourself to abandon every sin you still have to know the specific matters in which you sinned you have to know why you're abandoning it you should know the severity of and of what you did but in order could they last saturday in order to make fences you it's re it's a requirement right to make some kind of safeguard for yourself to guard yourself very much lenovo meaning your soul yetzer you have to know that the yetzer hara is interested in trapping you is interested he's a schemer that's what he is i don't know you have a better word he he knows how to scheme right and he's going to do it so you need to build yourself we call fences and he uses the word to protect yourself from the entrapment of the hsr in the areas which you sin why can't i shall ibraheem because even though you are a pen you're a what do you call it a about truva you you've done chuba but your soul itself has already tasted the sin and therefore there's a tendency towards sinning again you know once you've already done them have performed those sins it's it's likely that you will look at them a little bit lightly your etra once you look at them lightly the it's even more control and this is something you need to do work against that's why you need to build those fences and take them seriously the truth is the soul has actually become ill sick alcohol even weakened from those sinful deeds that you did it's interesting just like a physical illness when you become you start to become well you know you'll see you've been feeling not so good for days and all of a sudden you got a burst of energy you think okay now i'm gonna go jogging now i'm gonna go everyone tells you especially the doctor especially your mother take it easy stay in bed a few more days a few more hours don't just jump out of bed thinking you're all well so when you're when you have sinned and you deal with all true process don't think you can get back in the game and you're just going to fight you know like you were a totally healthy soul you have been damaged so god forbid you should return to your sickness so too you need to do perform create these fences the gadarem as we mentioned to to keep from relapse right that's the most important thing in every physical recovery you don't want to relapse so too in the spiritual recovery it's extremely important not to relapse so these three ideas these three concepts that we mentioned and i'll just repeat them again before we go further number one to remember all your sins and to confession on them and number two was you have to know how many sins whether intentional unintentional that will help you become more humble the third idea is that not only have you abandoned them but you have to make these fences so that you do not go back and fall to the schemes of the eats are because it's very strong it's already tasted it it has some of whatever grip and you have to make sure that even though you're on your way towards recovery towards full health that you don't jump into the game too soon okay that is the eleventh principle the twelfth principle is now the same verse but it's now to examine the khakira so the first was to search out and that we discussed the 12th principle we're on page 85 for those on the same book it's the same verse in lamentations chapter 3 verse 40. let us search and examine now we're going to talk about examining our ways of course and return to hashem it's required you need to examine to investigate and to know like become familiar with the greatness of each one of your sins again i hope this does not depress anybody by you know what i mean you're you're really going to start feeling what it's not really about the sin it's the relationship you have with hashem okay how great he is but in the meantime you're looking at the severity now the truth is most people are not even aware of the severity of the sin meaning whether it's like this let's say somebody up on shabbos right so there's a thing called shogek it's called an inadvertent sin the truth is i'll just tell you because i know a little bit about christianity and we live in a judeo-christian world and which is totally messed up because it's not jewish and they believe that the only way you can find an atonement is through a blood sacrifice and i just want to tell you right now that intentional sins there is no blood sacrifice okay it's true true all the way it's inadvertent sins now let's talk about inadvertent sins because that's what most of us probably perform okay so basically if i would violate shabbat and i would think that i get lashes when really i get the death penalty that's called inadvertent i didn't realize the severity of the sin that's inadvertent or i thought it was tuesday and i turned on the light and it's really saturday it's basically the concept of bashog inadvertent means there's khasir there's some information that's missing and the information that could be missing and most likely is missing is the severity of the sin so if we would have known how severe it was we probably wouldn't do it in most cases so you have to investigate investigate and know and recognize the severity every every one of your sins which ones you get lashes for um and the ones you get cut off from the jewish people for doing is based in whenever they're we don't have the execution of the jewish court today they don't have the power but once machia comes right with something to look forward to there's such a thing as a execution by basin we don't have that today but you have to know what the sin you're doing now by the way hashem still takes care of the sinner right he's very patient and he allows people to do chuva but if god forbid someone was like say in a car accident his head was cut off we not that we're judging right but hashem will make sure that if the person deserved which is strangulation or beheading that he would die either through drowning or through such a such a cut cutting off the head and what else did i want to mention about that [Music] the hashem for brochure is very patient the the idea of car ace means excision now that is actually more lenient than execution from basin because if you did truva let's say god forbid you did a sin somebody did a sin where the execution is by based in well guess what you could do true for all you want it will help you in the world to come okay your execution the death your own death serves as an atonement and therefore you're going to go straight to heaven that sounds really crazy right the person was a sinner but he did juva and his own death will pop is participating in the usurim and the difficulties they go to heaven what about crisis excision that doesn't take place necessarily immediately that's up to hashem when and how he performs it there's a whole mark locus of what it is some say dying before age 52 some say dying before the age of 60 that's why many people make a very big party when they reach their 60th birthday they figure they they passed that point they didn't get excision but it and more spiritually speaking it means being cut off from the jewish people which is very severe but you can always do chuva you're still alive not like the execution of the bastion where it's just too late you can stand there all you want in front of the court and cry and plead it's not going to help meaning it's not going to help alleviate that that verdict but in heaven it will of course so in a certain sense krisos is less severe and so basically so once when you recite your veto you have to know and of course you all know that on yom kippur we go through the al hat and we talk about which different sins fit into which category and we should be aware of that i lost my place i don't think so here we are and you have to know how great your sin is you have to um cry in a bitter way so basically what you're doing is you're crying over the fact that you angered hashem that you hashem cannot be hurt but we can't hurt him but we have to imagine that we somehow affect him that we somehow angered him okay again in order to increase our own humility and also the idea is that you should be afraid of that heavenly tribunal that you'll face one day even if you repented even if you repented you don't know 100 if you're your repentance was you know a hundred percent you so you that's why we're going to continuously do this and i hate to say every year you know i'm capable you're going to remember whether you like it or not it's going to come it's going to come up and bizarre to shame you'll be assured as the years go on that you really have fulfilled your commitment in terms of truva and how do you know because you didn't fall back you didn't go back to that sin that's what the rambam says how do you know right it's very nice you have the karate but how do you really know that your truth was accepted when you were actually in the same position same desires the same circumstances and you didn't sin so you can rest assured um uh so once i imagine you should be afraid of the heavenly punishment in case you didn't uh fulfill your obligation in terms of uh full truva um now regarding the most severe transgressions like we mentioned the penalties of karis or execution there's a this is what you should know the truth itself provides a suspended atonement and it's only the affliction that purges the sin completely yes it sometimes is when you finally reach the year 120 of your life and you esp you expire your last breath that could be it that alone reaching into your pocket getting the wrong change stubbing your toe you don't know the afflictions that we go through big or small also play a huge part in the uh the complete atonement process right it's also said in jeremiah chapter 2 verse 23 how do you say i have not been defiled i have not gone after the baal the baalim see this is the important part that he quotes see your way in the valley know what you have done see in the valley is the place where the sins took place and recognize what you have done so this is like he started the paragraph off by telling you to search and then examine and to bring it home the full way is see your pathway in the valley and recognize what you have done so there's a little here number six the value first to the place where the jewish people had sinned the prophet admonishes them to recognize what they have done and to understand the repercussions of their actions okay let's go now to 38. now bazrat hashem this is very it's full of a lot of principles so let's go start started this idea of the 13th principle is going to piggyback on what we just mentioned that the lighter sins that you view as lighter sins you should view them as as very severe what does that mean so let me start off with parties a kev king david recognized that he himself held the severe sins no problem god i got no problem you know he never slept with a married woman this idea of sinning with bachelor he never sinned with a married woman okay roulette never slept with his father's wife these things didn't happen okay there were other sins what was king david's sin he sent bachelor's husband to the front line and he should have had him killed for um mara de marcos for going against the king's decree to come from the front line and um he was deserving of death but through a base did through the sanhedrin okay reuven did not sleep but he with his uh father's wife but he did involve himself where he shouldn't have okay in terms of uh mixing around the beds he was doing that out of respect for what he thought was respect for his mother that she deserved okay that's for another time but in the meantime we're now entering the 13th principle that one should view their light sins as severe ones what did king david say he said i got no problems god with the severe ones right i'm not going to eat on yum kipper i'm not going to sleep with a married woman but those light ones those those again i want to discuss what that means they're the ones i'm afraid of because they're easy to trample ekka parsons achette which is the heel slight sins i'm more afraid that i transgress okay so if the king dave is telling us those light sins he's afraid he transgressed then if you change your view on them because in hashem's eyes his decree is his decree right now how do you what what are we deciding as a light sin or a heavy sin so there's many different views the most obvious view would be well the severity of the punishment if this is you know death penalty that's obviously a very severe thing right um if there's no penalty it must be a very light thing that's one way another idea is perhaps the effort that you went into doing it right it doesn't matter what the punishment is it's how hard did you work to do the sin right or it came very easily so that's another way to possibly look at what's considered a heavy sin a strict sin and what's a likes it there's a few others we're not going to go into it but that's how one should look so he says there are four ways it's important to view all of one's transgressions as severe for four reasons the four reasons like this the first one is that one should not look at the smallness of the transgression he's here allah allah but the greatness of god who commanded it to you in his eyes it's irrelevant you went against his command and that's it he's great and therefore it should be severe in your own mind number two that the yetzer has even more power more control regarding the lighter sins it's more and more enticing you know why because people don't take them that seriously again is it because it's so people used to doing it or because there is almost no punishment or the punishment's very light for whatever reason the hra it's a schemer he's a schemer and he knows that if everyone's doing it and you're going to do it it'll get you involved too or because he knows you look at it with i don't know the word but uh disregard you you diss it off as something serious perhaps that's the reason why people do it over and over and over again right last meet las mados to do it on a regular basis so really what you should do those we'll call minor sins in your mind anyway you should treat them as severe ones that what you actually think now okay let's say you know you have a big one right and that's like very severe but what about that little one that's so tiny in your mind well guess what if you do it a hundred times when you put on a scale it actually might be much worse than that most severe sin that you might only have done once right so don't know how many times you have done it we talked about that know how many times you've done it and therefore consider that if you're already looking at it like it's permissible and you do it like like haphazardly all the time then you better take it a little bit more seriously because it could all be added up it hits tariff point when the punishment for every time he committed it it's combined with all the others now there's an analogy to this this is like just imagine i really don't know if we all are familiar with what a single thread of silk is right but if you can imagine a a spider web right one little strand it's obviously very weak and that's the point there but imagine if you're rolling it up rolling it up rolling it up however you know you take rope and you you tie it between your thumb and the rest of your fingers into your elbow and you keep going like this with this meshing with this silk thread well guess what now you have a cable now you have a thick row okay so think about it like that analogy has been drawn in the case of a silk thread which is usually fragile fragile and weak as i said it's soft and weak the kasha yikpa oh took falling robbing but when you fold it over many times the assay alvos it's a very thick piece of rope so too if like a minor transgression is done repeatedly well guess what it does become a major failing of falling failing there is an important note i want to mention that he brings down at the very bottom with the asterisk that it's brought down in javascript it has the same holds true in reverse so in other words it's true when it comes to the sin that when you double it over double it over becomes very strong and can be considered severe but guess what even a thick rope such as one used to tie a ship and i imagine think about a boat a big ship it's got like it looks like a chain you know like the anchor is on it this huge chain will just imagine those those ropes that are holding it to the to the dock well guess what they eventually fray after repeated use until it eventually breaks well guess what if one committed a major sin and then you do truva and you resolve not to repeat it so guess what by maintaining your truva by keeping your guards up and constantly adhering to your resolution you're actually gradually wearing away the sin and it diminishes its effect until it disappears completely in other words just like it works in the negative when i say negative i mean when it comes to this little thread which could be recognized as the sin you keep doing it over and over again it becomes thick like a thick rope and it's hard to break well guess what it eventually frays so too if you wear a weight your it's a hara you'll eventually break it down and you'll overcome that as well now the third reason one should view all these transgressions as severe is was that a beer key key again the word hit madut right consistency al averos na sait when you're constantly doing this there this sin then you look at it like it's permissible we discussed this before it's you think that it's an acceptable behavior and you made it into a habit and then you get into unfortunately not you you could get into a um in a a state called um oh i forget right now what it's called basically it you think that it's permissible you think that it's acceptable and what's the result the yifrock you have removed the yoke of heaven from upon yourself below yeshtamir memento you're not guarding yourself against it anymore and therefore you're considered as a in this case right a jew who has cast the yoke the heavenly kingdom from upon himself and your mushum you're considered an apostate a heretic at least in that one thing that you think is permissible now that's a severe thing nobody wants to be an apostate and i i have many of my students are going through conversion and that's a little bit like i asked them you can imagine you're going to go to the basement and you stand in front of these rabbis and say you know what rabbi i accept 612 mitzvahs but one of them i don't accept what do you think they're going to say okay they're going to say you know go jump in the lake come back in a year come back in another lifetime you want to be a jew it's all it's all or nothing you know i mean we're talking about the acceptance you're accepting it as a package deal now what about us jews i mean do we want to be jewish i mean why would we get rid of one why would we like consciously say i'm not interested because i don't understand it maybe i need help right maybe i need to do baby steps in order to uh you know acclimate myself to doing it properly whatever it is come on these people are giving up their whole lives to become jewish and they would not be accepted if they said one i'm not interested how does that make us look okay so i whoever's listening we should all you know we know our weakness and we should try our best to be better people and to accept it and work in the the correct direction towards doing things properly the fourth reason even in a small thing in your life what happens as a result [Music] the danger is that the following day you're going to give up to a major thing so if right we did talk about this idea in the ramban who says be moderate in that which is permissible if you can control not eat the whole cake right don't eat the whole cake just because it looks so good just because it's permissible doesn't mean you should learn how to control yourself in that which permissible and bizrat hashem when you think of those things that are not permissible you'll like you know it'll disgust you right you'll know that this is not the way to go so there's a danger that tomorrow it will overcome him in a major thing now this is based on the gemara it says in gamora shabbos 105a and i have part of it here i want to read to you ruby shimon been a larger said the name of khilfa agra who said in the name of yokonam binuri one who rents his garment in anger now we're actually talking about shabbos that's okay we're not going to deal with the laws of shabbos but anyway so it's in gamora shabbos and it's dealing with the shabbos but let's just talk about anger one who rents his garments in his anger or breaks his vessels in anger or scatters his money and anger should be like in other words has like the den of the status of a worshiper a idol worshiper in your eyes it is the craft of the evil inclination today it tells him to do this tomorrow it tells him until eventually he no longer has any control of himself and he eventually goes and worships and goes to worship idols said and i'll read it anyway that's really the point of it revival said what is this verse allude to and what verse is that in psalms 81 10 there shall not be a strange god within you and you shall now bow to a foreign god what is that strange god that is within the person that is the evil inclination in a state of anger okay so let me just read the the ribena yonah cole amisha bear kaling anybody who breaks vessels it should be in your eyes as if he's an idol worshiper why should dark or show yet because this is the way the hr works today he says do this meaning break the vessels out of anger but the following day says worship obviously it's not in one shot right it's not today you're breaking vessels and the next day he's telling you to worship idols it's usually a progression he's a schemer don't underestimate the yates the hara he is brilliant okay we're approaching we're approaching the end here okay i know heather we have discussed this verse many times so in chapter four of genesis basically he he quotes through three through six we're going to start with that then we're going to go until eight but anyway so adam you know he had two sons cain and heaven kane and abel and we know they brought offerings to hashem so kion he was the one who brought the flax seed which is inferior he was the tiller of the soil and he brought offerings from the fruit of the ground but what did he bring the most inferior of all fruits was flax he was a shepherd and what did he bring he brought wool he brought the choices of his flock not meat but wool right that's what grows on the back of the sheep hashem turned to heaven and he accepted his offering but the cayenne he did not accept this inferior offering we all know kind became very upset and his face fell so this is before he murders him hashem has a conversation with him and it says in genesis chapter four verse seven hello in tatis eight okay the whole verse basically in english and the lord said to cain why are you annoyed why has your countenance fallen actually even the verse before right hashem sees him but to canaan to his offering he did not turn it annoyed cain exceedingly and his countenance fell the yip his face fell he was depressed and god says why did your face fall hello imitate if you the word tati from tov if you improve that word means what it means forgiven we'll have to see why it means that but it means to raise up to carry that god will carry your sin you'll be forgiven veeam low tayth if you don't work on your character as rashi says that's what the whole idea improvement is improving your deeds chuva improvement of your character then le peta catastrophes then sin rests at but it's not just really rest rovates is ambush it's awaiting it's anticipating at the doorway the electric and by you meaning concerning you is its desire it wants you it's scheming the attack tim shall bow but you can should control it you have the ability okay we'll read the next verse also but let's just go back into the after we read the first part when he says if you don't improve s8 meaning if you don't improve which what is eight so peru show let me just but if you do not improve sin hovers at the door its desired is towards you but you can conquer it peyrous what does it mean what did it mean when god said your face had fallen it said lai hello surely if you improve your deeds and return to me in chuva your face your face will be uplifted what does it mean your face will be uplifted remember his face fell that's called depression but when your face is uplifted your countenance you you have a shine right you're the guilt is gone you feel like you have a connection with holiness right have you ever done chuva of course and you feel relieved you feel cleansed you have a shine on your face and your your face will again be uplifted from the language if you look in job chapter 11 15 it says for then you will lift your face without a blemish and you shall be strong and shall not fear in hebrews then you will lift up your face look at rashi you will be sure you could lift your face unblemished for you would cause yourself to lift your face without any blemish because of the true what you've done i want to see this comment here number nine what does it mean the falling of the face refers to a loss of spiritual luster as a result of the sin and the uplifting of the face is the restoration of the spiritual luster as a result of the truva or the good deeds you've done he says alternatively the falling of the face refers to hiding and shame right you put your head down like this and the uplifting is the is the restoration of pride very beautiful concepts here okay so the first lesson others interpret the idea of eight uplifting like i mentioned before it means to raise up the the sin which means atonement says can be also an expression of atonement and an example he gives us in genesis chapter 18 26 for then i would forgive the entire place on their account okay true and we see where avraham is interceding on behalf of saddam and praying to hashem if we found x amount 50 in this case of people and god says yeah if you find 50 people i will forgive i will overlook the exact words in english are then i would spare the entire place on the account on their account but in the hebrew it says and we said 26. here it is i will raise up for them right and it means i will forgive them i will overlook it i will spare them okay i lost my place here we are so we see the imlo going back to our original verse if you don't improve then sin is waiting at your door but if you but if you do not improve okay that was read okay i didn't skip anything right okay but if you do not repent from your sin lo havona s so then it's not only the sin that you committed it's going to rest with you but if the it's going to hover at your door yet it's the pesach it's waiting in the ambush to make you sin wherever you go it's going to overcome you it's going to constantly defeat you tamid which is a snare a trap so basically it's going to snare you because it had snared you before it's going to trap you the low shaft and you're not going to be able to repent but so god continued to say its desire is towards you meaning it wants to draw you away from the correct path to push you away from the proper path to try to trap you and ambush you at any given time the attack tim shobo but you can control it you can conquer it if you want to overcome it no problem therefore you will be punished if you commit to sin even though the answer traps you because you were given free will you were given the choice you had all the opportunity don't think hashem gave everybody a custom-made it's amazing everybody has the souls are basically the same we have a different makeup everyone's here for a purpose and god sets up everything in our life for to use our free will okay are we going to overcome things or not right the only thing that's in our our hands is what we call your mind how we're going to deal with those challenges right the challenges are there and it's a gift because i gave you the ability to conquer yet god gave you the power you created in the image of god you have so much power you it's unbelievable but you cannot do without him he's there right he is there i'm gonna give the class thursday night oh i want you to listen to it uh this class will obviously go up before then but if you're listening so thursday night friday morning there should be a uh a video up on to fill in why we put our to fill in on our weak arm okay it will it'll get into this idea here hashem gave us the abilities to overcome hashem we should all continue to learn torah stop listening to the fake news all the conspiracy theories right there's only one truth and that's here in the torah and there's wrath hashem we'll do our own little by little and get such clarity and get that luster back on our faces right anyway so have a great week i will see you next week [Music] oh