Relationship Expert Sees Something in Successful Marriages No One Else Sees

what is the key to a successful relationship what keeps relationships going what are behaviors that encourage relationships to thrive and what are behaviors that cause relationships to crumble if you could think or describe with one or two words what keeps a relationship going in your opinion I'd love for you to share it in the comment section but I want to share with you the gotman John and Julie gotman famous Rel relationship researchers and they they talk extensively on relationships I want to share with you what they say about relationships and then afterwards share with you the Jewish perspective and the weightbearing walls and trust and commitment of course so trust builds over time and trust is essentially answering the question will you be there for me in all kinds of different situations will you be there for for me when I'm sick when I'm depressed when I want to celebrate a success when I'm frustrated will you be there for me and nobody will be perfectly but the more the better so that's trust and commitment of course is are you letting your partner know that this relationship is your journey for life you are here for life not for you know the next 3 weeks and then you'll think about it again why is having expressed dreams so important because I often think that about sort of my relationship I think our dreams are not the same they're very different and sometimes I wonder and I've wondered and I think we've both wondered in my relationship whether that is a big big issue if it matters yeah so this is definitely true from a biblical sense the the first marriage the First Union described in the Bible is Adam and Eve Adam and and the way the Torah describes their Union is Adam new EVE new the way the Torah described their intimacy was with the word knowledge the word knowledge implies connection intimate deep connection because the way you get to connect with somebody intimately and deeply is by knowing them and the way you know somebody one way to know somebody is by asking questions but effectively when we're sensitive to somebody else's needs and wants and desires we feel a sense of connection this is very true in our relationship with God God is very specific in what he likes and doesn't like in the Torah and as us we spend a lot of time studying the Torah and trying to unpack what he wants when he wants it how he wants it in all the details of Jewish law as outlined in the talud because when we understand in a detailed on a detailed level what God wants and what God doesn't want that creates relationship and it's the same in interpersonal relationships and specifically marriage when we're sensitive to what our spouses appreciate and don't appreciate what they want and what they value that creates intimacy knowledge creates intimacy that's my story and I'm sticking to it