Realistic Approach to Self-Development - Rabbi Dr. David Gottlieb

[Music] personal growth is maybe the first subtitle of Jewish living and people invested growing especially in spiritually need and usually choose for themselves with orientation how does growth work what can be expected realistically there's a very widespread idea which is very simple and very logical and therefore very appealing but in spite of being simple illogical I think it's wrong now here is this the Torah was given to us by the creator of the universe and the created universe knows everything in particular he knows you and me all of our details all of our strengths and weaknesses and he laid out a program since I did thirteen Commandments with all sorts of variations and applications and additions safeguards and since he knows me and all of my details and he prescribed that program for me it must be that I'm able to fulfill it completely it must be he was asked me to do something that's impossible and he knows me so must be that I can by an act of will right now do everything perfectly and it's a very simple and logical idea and therefore the first lesson I'd like to share with you is that the fact that idea is simple illogical doesn't make it right quickly right it could have been right God could have made the world that way and set it up with that rule but if I did a simpler logical doesn't mean that that's the we God chose to do it there may be other ways to do it which may be equally simple or not equally simple and he made it chosen to do it another way consulting your own logic even when your logic is right may that it gives you the correct answer Maimonides Rambam Havas silver it's a very strong statement because we have free will every Jew can be equal to Moses equally righteous equal tatak with Moses very strong statement and it sounds like our manatee is endorsing that simple logical idea because you have free will there are no limits on what you can do what you can accomplish you can even be equal to Moses but if you turn back a number of pages pillows veils where the rubber is describing personality traits that you should develop sidled by he has a program for a person who needs to improve what they're called Hebrew who's me toes Raman sets up his program with a certain structure that in me dos usually there's a continuum and both ends of the continuum are wrong because they are extremes and the ideal is to be in the middle for example spending money there are people who can't spend money these are the people who live in utter poverty and when they died you find two hundred thousand dollars stuffed in the mattress you just can't give out money they may died for a lack of medical attention to have plenty of money for medical attention they can't give out money they can't spend any money on themselves for necessities that's a sickness then there are people who can't hold on to adult whatever you give them an hour at school they spend it on nonsense they're essentially throwing it away so sickness so learning to extremes nerado says a person has to find a middle ground where he can choose evaluate what's important what's useful and spend money on that and not simply give money away to things that are unreasonable the ideal is to be somewhere in the middle between the two extremes what are you two if you are at one extreme how do you correct yourself the answer the rubb Bubb says is first you force yourself to the opposite extreme in order to break the hold that the first extreme has on you you force yourself to the absolute extreme and then when you've broken the original hold you gradually drift or progress gradually towards the center and then you can hold out to a position in the center so let's imagine a person who can't spend any money and he's not getting medical help and he's not providing basic necessities for himself says armani the first thing you do is train him to get rid of his money to get rid of it spend it throw away to break the hold of link capacity to spend money appropriately and then when he's finally broken that gradually he can move to the center where he will have an appropriate balance now let's ask I'm following the run bumps therapy he's telling me how to improve get to a point which is more reasonable the first move is to go from the extreme of not spending anything to the extreme of letting everything go is that a good position no it is not a good position it's the other extreme both extremes are wrong but that's how you'll eventually get to the middle now the lesson I want from this therapy that the rhumba prescribes is that you can't do it immediately you can't just decide I belong the middle I'm going to the middle it's not possible says there are not possible so although you have free will it can take time it may be a process before you get to the position that you belong in that means the factory our free will Maimonides right said because we have free will every one of us could equal lotus in righteousness it doesn't mean it could happen right away it might take a while it might take a process of development that means that there will be a period of time in which I say two recorders vertical I know the position of men is not good I know I need to be somewhere else I hope by two years from now I'll be there but in the meantime I can't make it there why because you created me that way you created me with a capacity to change gradually you didn't create new the capacity to simply snap my fingers and become a different person so the idea we started with the simple logical idea God knows my weakness isn't my strength he gave me a program so he must have taken my particular characteristics into account and I must be able to do everything right immediately his mistake because God didn't set up the world that way he didn't make it that way and in fact philosophers played with this idea also could it be possible that you are obligated to do something it's impossible for you to do an actual feeling is expedition something is impossible that's totally unreasonable I mean I'm complicated to fly on my own or I'm related to multiply to twenty five digit numbers in my head or obligated to stay up for two weeks straight and function perfectly all throughout it can't tell me I began to do something that is positively to do some philosophers selves that way anybody who study philosophy you will recognize Immanuel Kant in these words but not it's already three system it's possible that you be obligated to do something that you can't do only because you can't do it you're not held responsible you're not guilty when you fail because you can't do any better you suffered or negative consequences when you fail there's no penalties no criticism or obligation is there I need to say well look if there are no stakes if I don't suffer I'm not penalized what there isn't a make I'll show you the difference it makes let's imagine a rule umpires money when he borrows the money inside the contract he's going to pay it back and she had several explanations playing in fact he has resources he's reliable she momentum the money he's too many year year goes by during that year moving to house brings down and one of his children gets a terrible disease for which he has put out a lot of money and so his investments fail the end of the year rule 8 doesn't have the money to pay back nobody's fault just that's the fact he can't pay it back now according to Immanuel Kant if he can't pay back his obligation to pay it back you're not obligated to do things that are impossible so now I I could lend moving the money to enable him to pay it back the shipment I could do that should I there's any reason to do that when I accomplish anything by lending him the money if he has no obligation to pay there is no point in my lending him the money there's no moral fault here nothing's missing from the idea morality because he has no obligation to penny that's not the Jewish point of view Jewish point of view is if you have a mitzvah and it's a partial view to do the Mitzvah someone else should help you so much as said to me a new school of the net so tomorrow I say yes it's in I've gotta buy a dozen suppose he can't find 2002 by should you lend him your little so he can use to the middle with your little according to Immanuel Kant if he can't do it he's not obligated to do it there is no Mitzvah that's not the Jewish picture to a stranger is he has the Mitzvah he doesn't because he can't there's no penalty but if you can help them you should certainly help them because he has amidst it to do so the Jewish picture is Curtis world will set up a program I programmed 613 missiles it applies to everyone always but not everybody able to fulfill all of them and if you're not able to fulfill all of them then you're not going to be held responsible for failure there'll be no penalty for failure so the first thing that one has to do to orient oneself towards growing is to say when I learned something new in total some who total rules on loot or value I put it on my list of ideals I hope I'll get there someday I don't have to put it on my list of requirements for now because even though quarters were forwarded to the Torah and he knows who I am and those all of my expected weaknesses he only requires of me that I do my best to make progress in that direction if so there are no penalties I just take it for granted that a person can simply snap his fingers and become perfect overnight now one of the ingredients the cars broker put it to the world in order to help us grow spiritually is physical pleasure here too there's a very widespread feeling that real spirituality real religion has no place for enjoyment as a place for pleasure and there are religions like that our religions built that way but Torah is not one of them physical pleasure has a positive role in a spiritual life and once a year in the springtime Jews go out to the orchard and they find foot trees in bloom and they make a blessing and the blessing says blessed are You Hashem of God can you the universe who has not left anything out of his world and he created in it good creatures and good trees Lahan knows the heaven a autumn to give pleasure to people you're looking at an apple tree for pear tree or a peach tree or great lake blossoms see them blossoming and you're thinking ahead to the delicious fruits that they're going to produce and you say a blessing of thanksgiving and praise to God who created those things to give pleasure to people as another blessing that we make very often after we eat certain types of foods Bo rated vs. Robbo successful man God creates many many souls and what they need their absolute necessities and then the blood lesson continues I'll call masha barroso Allah no spendin iota never score high everything that you created in terrific a pleasure to only things so tasteless in case of Mubarak in six Parekh of brothels explains that blessing Bora the forces robbers orchestral none he created many souls with their absolute necessities keep them alive you know $0.30 places bread and water rather than water you have better more you commit that's the recession's that God created Stella blossoms but goes into the alcohol my sugar also sighs last witness cockeyed everything that you created to give life to all things that are alive you know what that is si sirs everything else like apples he said they are created for pleasure but only the Alma just for pleasure physicists now the bread the blessing says this is how you can come alive and Taser says you do it through pleasure so it means that pleasure is an element of being a lot without pleasures you cannot really alive and apples are created for your pleasure so that with that pleasure you could stay alive excuse to share even safer of mustard ethical focus and self-improvement first parrot when he talks about the fact that men is created to live in this world to get to the next world and everything in this world is just a means to be able to get to the next world that don't be misled and distracted by the pleasures of this world because they will distract you from the greatest possible pleasure which is life in the next world but at the end of the first chapter he says the following words then say Manila Megan we have the results we have learned Kiev Ixia sort of Oliver's there who Rock the kaya mitzvahs the fundamental purpose of existence in this world is just to perform it slows Palazzo will I mowed the soil to serve eclairs grow who understand in the tests that are there to distract him and now he comments but knows how long the pleasures of this world a rosy lol they are only appropriate for let a there were fewer at the help and as a a means build on just as the health of the means pleasures this world shouldn't be a gold president shouldn't measure the success of his life but not the pleasure that he had no there means and in a mushy heel or NASA work that he should be calm confident tranquil Natsu up the issue of a task be able to focus his mind the man you call the finals rebo el jurado has OSA would tell us a lot in order to empty his heart and open his heart to this service that he's put it to this world for see his affection of a series of Sharma Spacey you put it in this world as a means to get to the next one because well who gave you missiles with those missiles and this world to get to the next world where do you use pleasure in this world for you use it you need it and you use it you use it to create NASA which is come come satisfied self-confidence state of mind - OH and focused mind focused intelligence in order to open his heart to serving God fully pleasure in this world does that so a person who says a force where's pleasure and says I'm not going every place in this world the only spiritual is shooting himself in the foot because you're not going to have a Jewish spirituality without pleasure from this world it's not going to exist because God who created us in such a way that pleasure has that spiritual effect it's very much like sleep I have met people who are full of anguish pain suffering because that asleep if I didn't have to sleep - I do I'd be up 24 hours a day very tolerant to his mitzvahs wouldn't my life be spiritually richer the answer is no it wouldn't be spiritually Richard because of course brothel didn't create you that way very similar to what George said the Zarafa Sheldon says Shabbos is such a wonderful mitzvah such a fundamental spiritual day I'm going to do it twice a week why don't we a Saturday I'll do what are two things also to Shabbat Zoe what would in law won't be wrong with that or what I lose with that Pesach we learn about how wonderful my say is our terrible colleges personally eat hummus and Pesach is accept off from God by eating a roll I'm pay something's cut off from God so I'm not going to read a rollover your law any the seventh days of face off is the minimum that most people can take but I'm very strong and I was in promise the whole year since Macias assurance ISM I'm a so much Lesotho that's rule Komets is good for you it's easy to digest it's delicious it's it's nutritious comment is good for you once a year for a week we soup or swear comments and we only not to because there's something spiritual that that week gives us a beyond add not childish twice a week is certainly wrong because as as well go set up a certain measure and it shows the exact measure that's necessary and ideal for the world that He created and the way we created us in the world so this sets a structure for how we are to progress number one we were to progress according to the tourist picture of what the ideal Jewish life is and number two we have to know from our sources not the logic again I wanted to understand when I'm criticizing logic here it's not the bursar logic is wrong not because the logic is is shall I say is full of fallacies and mistakes no the logic is good it's just a great information and what seems logical to you have to say to yourself okay that's my logic tells me let's check whether the Jewish sources confirmed that logic don't just run with the logic on its own and author enough the picture that you have that was relative setup of the world is quite different from what you would expect back to the idea of pleasure where it took us now there's mahalik Eastern Gemara how to celebrate the holidays of the year if you're sure love letter one says that there are two elements the celebration of any holiday one is spiritual learning Torah prayer inspiration the others physical feasting the feasts on holidays are critical Commandments how should you balance the day between the spiritual and physical so there are two approaches one is the day's needs a theme a 90% theme yeah percent should be and a compliment but if you have a theme and it can either be the spiritual or the physical either way but it should have a theme and if you want to spend 90% of the day praying and learning Torah and being inspired I didn't have a quick meal and get it over with and go back to the base magician learn that's okay or if you want to spend 90% of the day feasting and singing and reciting poetry and eating and drinking 90% of the day and have some quick prayers and maybe is a Shira toast quickly but the basic theme of the day eating that's also okay one says those days should have a 90% thief with a 10% accompany and the other says Kalitta 50/50 so they should be split 50-50 but the camera says everyone agree that aren't Shavuos there must be feasting must be feasting no ninety ten and she was 90 percent learning Torah and dawdling and a ten percent quick meal that's not possible for shoes so here again natural logic says why and the culture Shavua celebrates giving you the turret of the Jewish people so what could be better to celebrate the giving of the Torah but studying Torah don't we stay up all night studying course that's only a custom for us it's a very very late custom it's only about five hundred years old plus that's yesterday but still doesn't that show that studying Torah is the essential way to start the day I wish the Torah was given so how did the mother say that there must be serious feasting on Shiva the answer is that when Moses went to heaven to get the Torah the Angels had an objection they said to God why are you giving this order to them the one who has the Torah controls the flow of divine energy into the world and gonna mess it up they're not going to succeed and everyone's going to suffer including the Angels are going to suffer so they said why are you giving it to Caritas will do a much better job and help they'll benefit also people will benefit also everything will benefit God said to Moses incident Moses it so considerately got to take hold of my throne and answer them so Moses said you want the Torah let's take a look what's written in the Torah honoring your parents can you have parents excuse me how's that kind of apply to you you don't have parents many of the commandments have to remember the fact that you're slaves in Egypt tell me angels we use slaves in Egypt no then how's that going to apply to you and the end of the discussion was that the angel admitted to Moses that he was right and gave him gifts they were happy and gave him gifts why what was the message the message was Torah is for people who live at the bottom level as I would say crudely who lives in the mud people who were slaves in Egypt that's the ones to whom the tour is being given people come into existence through a physical process a fully physical process of reproduction you angels aren't like that so Moses said you know why God is giving us the Torah at you because you live in a much higher lip you live in a purely spiritual level God wants the turrets go all the way down to the bottom to the mud also that's why we're getting it so when the governor says that on Shibu is there has to be serious feasting Rashi says because you have to show that the day which the Torah was given is something which is Happy's acceptable comfortable Noah flows the word that's used not means happy acceptable comfortable appropriate fitting that means with the body also the body also the body has to be and so bodies involved through the feasting and that's why feasting is necessary so instead of spending the celebration of the giving of the Torah learning Torah if you do that for 24 hours then God will say so the angels were right why should I give it to you I've given to the Angels they'll learn better than you more faithfully with more intelligence more grasp they'll do a much better job than you will that's not the point the point is not to accept it only on the abstract spiritual level point is to bring the spiritual level into the physical where the body is the body has to express there so this is the picture of what's being created in the spiritual world it's a spiritual world where the body plays a central role it isn't that the body holds us back and has to be overcome and discarded that's why this resurrection at the end and that's why the world to come the bodies they're together with the soul because it's a unit human being is a unit of solar body and the soul and body together are what create the spirituality of a person and that's why physical pleasure plays such an important role we had the samosa buffet Geshe rejoicing that could be given a spiritual twist or spiritual spin that rejoicing is really a spiritual idea but you have Omega only it's physical pleasure and physical pleasure is an English and inseparable part of both Yom Tov and and an Shabbos so when you're talking about developing growing in Torah don't leave the body behind the body has to be incorporated now given everything that I said when you talk about development talk about pace of development intermediary goals and developments they have to be reasonable you have to take account of where you are and who you are and then move from where you are a reasonable gradual fashion about 30 years ago reporter for The New York Times came interviewed of a Schiller I was there at the interview and it was also interviewing some of the other people upstairs find out what a stands for and what its goals are and happened to be a woman she asks are Schiller would you describe yourself as born-again Jews a Vaghela said absolutely not because our picture is not that you cut yourself off from your past start all over again with your life no our view is that God didn't make any mistakes and he cooked your soul if your family it's your time period into your city and you grew up without Torah and came to the Torah later in life he made that as a foundation for your later Torah life and you take it with you they don't throw it away born again is not the right description of our understanding of how a person comes to a total way of life at a mature age so of course when she wrote the article she said how the Schiller told me that Jews in his suspicions are born-again Jews I was a lie well maybe she made a mistake you know maybe she just got it mixed up but got it wrong but it's definitely not the correct idea the correct idea is that you take along what you have been and you grow from there of course growth needs change clothes means reordering priorities but it doesn't mean typically starting a test it means recognizing of the cars local gave me this past as the foundation of which I keep growth into my future given what I have told you one of the most dangerous mistakes in growth is to look off your shoulder or somebody else and especially if you are going through this with a group and it's good to go through it with a group but then it's a danger both negative and positive the danger of saying other people are moving much to the time what's wrong with me why can't I keep up and then to think well I just got to push myself to keep up with their pace or to say I look at the other people in the group I'm doing great looking much better than they are I'm moving much faster than they are so I must be doing fine both of those evaluations are wrong because you're evaluating yourself in terms of what other people are doing everyone is different everyone is different not only different in composite but also different in particular areas some people find certain missiles very difficult to do and other people find those missiles much easier to do anything they're publicly identifies you wear a yarmulke yes oh my god harder to read for some people is nothing so what people who look at me funny or people will challenge me it means nothing to them for other people thank you debt to be challenged that other people to be out of step with other people it's very very difficult so you have to be honest with yourself and know where your strengths are where your weaknesses are and know that you have to set up a program that's tailor-made to you and has nothing to do with the legal strength or importance of a particular mix with someone else what should I start with keeping Shabbos or making blessings keeping Shabbos is one of the ten consulates at Sinai it's got to be very very important to mention more than a dozen times in the Torah premiere at evaded witness violation of Fuhrer of the Sabbath can bring the best FLP the blessings all the one-hour rabbinic the only one that's not rabbinic is benching after meals saying the grace after meals okay there's nothing like this about the breakfast after the blessings have total also all the rest are all irritability I mean asleep it's a question of making a charcoal before you take a drink of water or keeping Shabbos there's no there's no comparison really but it might be right to start with the blessing and leave Shabbos for four months from that because maybe you're not ready maybe you can't handle it maybe you're not for you to it maybe it's too strange for you to invest in you know educationally and exponentially prepared for it and then the right thing to do maybe to start with blessings and weave Shabbos for later now of course it's very difficult to make decision like this on your own you need someone to guide you but these are the considerations they're going to be taking into account this as a Trula that I saw to a 14 year old girl who decided that she wanted to be from and she wrote through not because I'm afraid of certain prejudices of people in the room I'm not going to say who the name of the Roth was but he's one of the builders rayul and she wrote them and said my parents have told me that I will not keep Shabbos not that they will he shall be so don't hope and keep Shabbos but they're telling me that I can't see shoppers what shall I do 14 year old girl and he wrote back he's not ready to take it and I tell you when you're four independent finish a few shots now everybody knows the law the law is your parents can't tell you to break any mitzvot and particularly serving you can't tell you to break Shabbos yes but as you set up a battle between a 14 year old and her parents it's overwhelmingly likely that she's going to lose but she's never going to make it when I became from in University there was one boy was a sophomore and he was part of our group and his parents said not you they took him out of school and they sent him to a psychiatrist and after a year the psychiatrist he didn't become from he lost the battle should that battle have been set up would have been better managed to such a way that the parents room had been so frightened and so drastic maybe so maybe today he could be firm but he couldn't handle it so that's the truck that he gave her so he has to know to give yourself leeway not to push yourself into an impossible situation to know that it was worth will expect it to take time to know that for many people if a person has no understanding of what he's doing if it seems just too strange and too weird he's kind of feel that he joined the cult this is not ready it's not ready for that so don't start it don't step into it give yourself time to experience to talk to people to meet people who are doing it and see that they are normal there are reasonable we had one fellow here who went to a certain summer program went in with a ponytail earrings and came out with blak soothed my cat tie the whole thing the end up come here in January he came into our office and he said you know I'm praying three times a day I'm not sure there's anybody listening I'm not convinced and I feel very awkward with what I'm doing he moves too fast he should have made that transition so quickly we had a boy here who's here for eight months of the earring Drogo veneering and we had a meeting blue worried maybe it was to us maybe it was too early and then we found out why he took it off it is it off because the member wayneb office under the Rafa gave a lecture on a Jewish slave who instead of at the end of seven years takes his freedom besides that he wants to stay with his owner and one of the things is you do for him if you put a hold in his ear to indicate that what he's doing is the wrong thing he heard that lecture and he said I don't want to be like that so he took off the theory so he said ok ok that's the reason I took up in thievery because he doesn't want to behave like a slight fine but we are worried another thought he was here for six months took off his ponytail we were sure it was too fast and you didn't make it he didn't it was moving too quickly so I could well understand that everybody has his own strengths and weaknesses and challenges and that the way in which you respond to the challenges is gradually the best thing is to have someone helped you take the steps and everybody's program is unique no one should be looking over it shows them either to congratulate themselves about how well he's doing or to criticize him so on the ground is not doing well enough I want to give you one last general picture which I have found over the years you can divide up a person's personality if the three categories of course you could do it other ways this is not going to be useful for everything but in the rough a rough approach there's a person's intellect and there's this emotions and behavior president undertaking a program of self-development change those three don't change in the same way now change the same speed or same ease and it varies from person to person there are people who are intellectuals and they could take off and put on a set of ideas like taking off putting on a jacket very easy let's try communism okay I know the rules let's work with that doesn't run capitalism no problem talk about capital and they take off and on the ideas very easily very quickly time to change the way they act so change what they do especially if it's going to be social and get paralyzed their powers the kid can't manage to take on a different personality different identity in public we had a boy here who came in for summer program and became from left on back to university and adopted came back expect a whole year here I became really solidly firmly thought went back and lost the whole thing I met him next year in America accepted how you doing what's happening with you he said I discovered something about myself I can't be different for the people around we can't manage it I can't handle it well as in the shaver like the people me shaver Tyco University like em back - she was very year like the people who knew Shiva I left it got a job like the people who job I can't I can't stand against my environment not able to do it I said said you're going to discotheques yes do you enjoy it says tell you the truth not really I'm going to propose everybody else is going there but I'm really enjoying it as you know what neither are the other one's really enjoying it they're not really enjoying it either they go in there cuz everybody else is going there isn't that said he said yeah it said but that's who I am I can't stand against the environment so that means that you have to be honest with yourself and you have to set up a program either that means get a good environment get a good environment or learn about your weakness and then undertake a long-term program to make yourself to be able to be independent of the environment isn't it sad that you're overwhelmed by the environment and you can't do different that's it isn't that inappropriate when giving a better person for yourself that long talking about eternal truths and everything else but even your choosing what kind of person you want to be in the world wouldn't it be better to be able to stand for what you believe in and not cave in to the environment so the program of development has to take into account these differences this person could do things intellectually very easily but behaviorally he was a jellyfish and he's just jellyfish has no inherent shake your brutality jellyfish in a circular box or a square box ever pretty little a that's no way to be in life there are some people for whom the emotions stick they love certain things they hate certain things the afraid of certain things and intellectually they can be convinced what's right but their emotions don't know what it was then and they can't they can't they can't force the emotions to be what the mind the intellect says they should be and therefore the emotions change much more slowly now apparently excited about something and he wants something and he starts to get into it parts of him move quickly and easily and other parts are held behind and here's the trap the trap is to say well since I wanted and since these parts move quickly I'm going to just locate myself in the parts that move quickly move easily and live within what happens when he does that is that the other parts lag behind after a while he's out of sync with himself that's very hard to deal with part of his any party is out that's what happened to that boy came into my office and said I'm vomiting three times a day but I don't know if anybody's listening because the behavior and the trappings was easy for him and intellectual adjustment was much more difficult and you get to these so in order to do a good job a thorough job it turns of yourself development first of all you have to really put yourself second of all don't set up false challenges of stopping your fingers from becoming perfect overnight and don't take a step until you feel ready for that step you feel that the step is something which it's challenging but you can handle it you can see how to integrate it into where you are at the moment to take the next step if you want to model the model that I use the model of sports if you're doing sports reasonably seriously personal training and you have a trainer he will tell you no pain no gain it's baloney pain is a symptom that you're in danger of injuring yourself and if you injure yourself you can't strain at all don't risk injury if you feel pain slow down slow down change the routine and that means that what counts as injury in our case where you say golly would be great to do it and you invested it and you can't maintain it and then you think uh-huh I thought it was great I thought it would be wonderful and crashed maybe you're not cut out for the whole thing then the whole thing's a mistake that's an injury that's an injury that cuts away your your enthusiasm for the entire project that's a disaster much better would be to go to the slow pace where you feel confident that you could take the next step and when you take that except take it as an experiment don't take it as a commitment say I'm going to try this for two weeks and as this Elise to see whether I was able to manage it or not and when you check after two weeks don't check whether you managed to do the new project check the whole sum total of what happened to you as a person maybe you are able to invest in the new project but it cost you elsewhere so person says I hear about people who get up to learn before they pray learning four thousand what a great idea seraphic Abruzzo instead average at seven o'clock I usually get up to ten to seven roll out of bed you know I have my precooked espresso coffee ready for me with boiled milk you know put in frost everything terrific drink my coffee with Anaheim I'm gonna get up at ten to 6:00 that ten to seven ten to six of course my stress of machine will making a beautiful espresso with ten to 6:00 and I'll roll out of bed and Rudy's going to be waiting for me I'm going to learn for an hour for davon that's great what do you like a 6:00 p.m. are you ruined you can't talk to people you're a zombie you're knocked out you no longer can be friendly and accessible to people to be sensitive to them because you're got that extra hour of learning in the morning if so then maybe the bottom-line evaluation is that it's a failure not a success because you managed to keep up that extra hour of learning the morning but maybe it's a failure to ask yourself whether the sum total performance improves and if it doesn't say okay I tried it I tried it in good faith I wanted to know whether Curtis Rose was going to support me in this move and I see that my sum total performance is going down because Rose was sending me a signal he's telling me don't do that you're not ready for that ya ready for that then backtrack and say sorry I get a year from now because you only experimented with it it's a loss doesn't imply that you're not fit for the project you are regular project fit for this step forward and you don't want to continue it because then you really are risking permanent injury don't want to do that and you should have he should have someone who helps you in sports it's obvious you have a trainer you don't make decisions like this on your own I exercise and I had a trainer who set up a program for me and he told me things that were very surprising I was shocked at some of the things he told me something tells me he told me not to do and tell anything he told me to do one point he told me you're running 330 minutes you could run 45 minutes I said to him 62 years old yeah it said you had 50% just like that with no graduate say here you can do it I was shocked I did it I could do it it was like couldn't believe that I could do it other times you told me don't try that you're not ready for that you're not able to do that well this is the same thing you need someone who can function as your coach now when I used to say this I used to get a barrage of criticism aren't you living your own life why aren't you making your own decisions you treat me head like a child you are behaving like an adult look about 20 years ago I got a tremendous help a tremendous support and that's from a new profession called life coaching you've probably heard of it bharosa shams a life coaching now I don't have to fight this battle and say you really are exalted 7 and so on people realize you'll have a better life if you ask people for help in making difficult decisions they've discovered what we know for 3,300 years unemployed Rachel hot smoke when you're trying to evaluate your own situation you're not objective so you go to somebody who could help to give you more objectivity that's something which barakah Shem the world has come to appreciate because the world appreciated I have to fight this battle with people who are coming in from the outside there is point 11 table you know life coach is a respected profession without it at 3,300 years use it people there who had going through the process themselves I've coached hundreds of other people going through the process and to be happy to help you make the kinds of decisions that need to be made but it also should give us the wisdom to know how we make together with help from others the best decisions and ability to see them through with sensitivity and realism with respect to our own the weaknesses so we make progress that we need to make become better service of others 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