Rav Kalish on Managing Seder Night Expectations

we had an incredible chabas with the r with KES and M what an incredible incredible chabas so grateful that you spend time with us and one day we're going to have a full behind the beam a full full interview but I I can't allow this opportunity of being in person past without one video one question to share with to share with the world pes's coming up what is RAB kish's advice for how to conduct a Seder that children will want to be present you know we have the four sons who make it to the seders the fifth son who has no interest in being at the Seder so what's what's the RV's advice what's the most important thing to focus how can one prepare how can one conduct a Seder how does one engage young people at the Sater that seder night becomes transformation I want I want to say a story that happened to me and my family a number of years ago I prepared very very hard for the say for all of us to say there's important and we want to we want to nail the night we want to have a beautiful night I prepared hard and we were having like a magical s doesn't always work like this you have all different age kids you have your wife and everybody has to mesh somebody could be tired so and that year it was like it was the kids were in it was like unusual in middle of the Seder two drunk people walked in and ruined the whole seder literally we couldn't there was no way of getting them out they were badly drunk and they ruined the Seder while it's happening I was very very frustrated this is one was talking obscenities at a s that was like it was just crazy one one literally talking obscenities it was very difficult I I made a decision while this is going on that I'm just I'm G there was no option to get them out whatever the situation was that I'm going to engage and as a family we started talking to this guy who was not in a good State and not saying nice things and I want to say that years later on years and years later on my kidss remember that s w and with all the things that we prepared and did is the night of the birth of am and myself my wife and my kids recognize the yid so I want to say prepare like crazy and let's get ready for a magical night be very present if we're patient one child's are not in the best mood and we let just were there that might be the most special way of recognizing a yid it's after all a celebration and our clo to he wants us he chose us that's the say wants us and chose us probably being patient with our family and present and positive and loving with our family might be the most the most expression hasem wants Us's into us and roll with the punches whatever happens that yes yeah and force a child to be at the s or the child who wants to come and go who's here or not here do we say here the expectations here's the demand here's the performance here's the sharite or do we say be here as long as you can you need a break you need a break yeah we definitely let breaks but we encourage certainly we're encouraging and really want our children there making it such that it's good for them but um being present being present prepare the world but also be present that it might go different than we prepare it's not certainly we have to prepare and try to bring our best stuff but things could happen everybody has their version of the drunk walking in it might be a cety child it might be some other reason a wife not feeling well tired and then we might have to we may have to move faster than we planned be very present I think the most P we could give over it's a night we feel hasem wants us that's that was the the night of the S said I'm Into You if we could then give over that atmosphere that's probably the if we're like stressful and imitating the and being that's like the Mur part let's that's what I stay loose relaxed roll with the punches go with the flow allow the night to yeah to bring itself it's so hard to do it because we prepared and they come I look like the coach who has like this perfect game plan and at halftime has to like recalibrate because the greats at halftime come out with something different the guy planned an entire week and then in 12 minutes 20 minutes he like does something different that he planned the whole week but those are the great who knows what defense you're going to face on Sat night you got to adjust you got to adjust amazing amazing what I would say grateful incredible shabas we're looking forward to it again time we're going to talk about the shabas for a long time you your the whole there is a lot of here this is this is an amazing Place really my we were ready this afternoon we're talking about this place and we'll be thank you thank you for many is thank you