Rav Gav Friedman - Destroy Your Walls to Rebuild the Beit Hamikdash | Torah Efrat 2026

It's always good to hear my obituary. I'm a big fan of hope if everybody gets the opportunity. Um, camera yid, what would happen if I stood down here? >> Is that okay? Like, >> sure, >> I could do that. Okay, I'm going to do that because I I just want to be with the people. I want to be with you guys. >> Okay. Uh, first of all, this is a a honor and a privilege to be able to to be I I was speaking to some of the the teens before about I mean I mentioned it in passing last time I was in a frat I think it was 1999 and it looks a little different unless I'm in the wrong place. I was told I'm in the wrong which which community was I where was I? I forgot. Anyway, some pizza store and some whatever. Anyway, so uh nice to be back here and I have no idea how any of you survive on these hills. It is uh literally I think it's sacious. That's why I don't move here. That's it. That's the only reason amongst others. Okay. So I would like to I'd like to just point out an idea. Am I allowed to walk? How does it work? Okay, cool. All right. I never know the rules with the camera. I don't ever want to mess with any camera. This is the cut off. >> No. >> How are we doing there? What about the shot that like what's the height? Where are we with the height? Okay. All right. All right. So, we uh we are unfortunately perhaps fastly approaching a day or fortunately I mean the day should approach the day should approach tishab should be here hopefully but it should be a holiday should be a should be something which we're celebrating be something which is very very big. I do want to just point out a little bit about so what is this day exactly and a little something that maybe we could we could try to uh to learn from it now as I get older thank the good Lord I I I understand my grandfather more and more my mother's father I I understand my grandfather he was living here in towards the end of his life and we went to Rabbi Zevle in Moshab Matio we went to go listen to him on tishab and you know [snorts] apparently I was told it used to be people said kinos I don't know if that's done anymore now we just listen to long speeches or whatever it is at least that's what I grew up with and I went to I left and I asked my grandfather afterwards how was it how what did you like it whatever he and he said yeah it was good it was good it was good so I was like what do you mean it was good like you make it sound as though like it wasn't good you know with your it was good AND HE SAID YEAH, NOTHING LIKE I haven't heard, you know, nothing like I haven't heard before. Now, he was in his late 70s at the time, right? When he's saying this, my grandfather read a lot. He learned a lot and he went to a lot of shirim, so he heard a lot of things. The older that I get and the more that I learn and hear, I I find it hard to find something I don't know already. Now, that's not because of the fact that that I'm so wise or just people keep repeating the same stuff, right? So, I I'm going to try to maybe break out a little bit and share with you an idea that I I'd be I'd be thrilled if you've heard, but if you haven't heard, it would be exciting for me as it was exciting for me to hear myself. And that is as follows. The gur take it away anyone. Oh, you didn't hear this one. Okay, good. So, the Gomorrah says there was a rabbi by the name of Rabbi Tarfon and Rabi Tarfon said as follows. He said, I'm not sure even how to pronounce it, but to my I would be shocked [snorts] if there would be someone today that knew how to accept rebuke. If someone knew how to accept to that is I don't know I don't know another English word that's simpler than rebuke. Is there another give me a word? Give me like a simple word. What's that? >> Criticism. Okay, good. I don't know someone that could take criticism and and even in the realm of constructive criticism when just criticizing for the sake of criticizing someone does something wrong. You got to call them out. you got to tell them what's up what's up and you don't do like that we can't behave like that. So the the retirement says you know I I was just like I just wonder if there's anyone who knows how to do it and he was responded it's it's it's a okay I'm embarrassed it's I'm blanking but somebody responded saying to him I would be shocked if anyone knows how to give rebuke these days. Now, what is these days? How long ago is this conversation happening? Could you understand if I would just tell you about two people talking and having that conversation? When would you think I'm talking about? Everybody speaks English here. I just want to say, do you prefer Hebrew? What should we do? Espanol. No. Yeah. Ah, okay. Okay. Sorry. I was saying, "Where are you from? Where are you from?" >> Okay. Okay. We're going to go English. All right. So, here's the So, here's a question. Yeah. Here we go. When did this conversation happen? I would think that this conversation happened today. Kids these days, right? We always say kids these days, you know, our people, they just don't know how to take rebuke these days. Yeah. And you say, "Oh, but no one KNOWS EVEN KNOWS HOW TO GIVE IT these days." We're talking about almost 2,000 years ago. This is talking about the times of the Tanoya, right? And there's one of the gears that says, "Reba adds in." I'd be shocked if anyone here and Rabenu Gerchan explains what the Chino Rabika is saying is that I'd be shocked if there was anyone who is able to receive rebuke, receive criticism in a way that they won't hate the person who's giving it to them. Not that they disagree. In other words, you call me out for something, I might agree, but I'm going to hate you for it. That that's very difficult. And we know that the says you can't have don't have sin upon you and that the garra goes into at length and the ram discusses famously you have to know how and when and if and where and the other. Okay, so far so good. So that's the gar comes along the says something actually brings down he wrote a safer. Can you guess what it's called? Very good. I'm talking about a different one though. Give me another one. Keep going. Good. You're all good. Everybody's good. You guys are wonderful. But I was looking for one in particular. And that is a and the brings down in the end of a little pamphlet called Marinesa. And Marinesa actually saw this in a note in Uncle Art Arch. on the bottom and the gammor and 16 beef on the bottom of when it brings out this gam it brings over there brings a pamphlet called magnesa on the very bottom and in the very end there end of the safer which says something fascinating it says as follows says the magnes he says and what's going to get crazy in a minute is the fact that it's not just him that says But actually, have you heard of someone named Aramia Corellitz? Does that sound familiar to anyone? Some someone may have heard someone named the Kazones. You heard of the Kazones? Khaz is a book. It's named after I is alfin. Aram Yuchin Yeshaya. Aimsiah Carellitz a rabbi lived in Ben passed away in 1953. Actually only moved to 1933, but okay. comes along the Kazan and the Kazines for those who know was known to be a very lenient very very makeo in nothing. Okay. So known to be a little bit I just like to see by crowd if you guys know at all what I'm talking about and I see that no you don't know what I'm talking about. The kazines kaz is known to be shittas are a little bit more sometimes that ends up lula right but usually a little bit more m people like oh you get up by having only two matzah okay with a fine but comes along and he brings down from this idea of 228 could check it out yourselves you probably won't but you can if you'd like and comes on the bring for the mag as follows Oh, this is amazing. Okay, so there's a there's a mitzvah, you know, we got to rebuke somebody if they do something wrong. Or in Arabic, [snorts] you say, "What's the problem?" I think that's also Russian, but we have a problem. What's the problem? [snorts] The problem is nobody nobody wants to hear it. Nobody knows how. Nobody can. Nobody whatever. So how do we look at people that behave in a way which is not okay? How do we look at people that let's say are called a Russia? Someone's a Russia. We call them a Russia. Wicked person. How do we look at a Russia and how do we interact with them? What's our feelings towards a wicked person? Whatever that means. what's what's our feelings towards such a person? So the the understanding we know at least if we just go basic with simple explanations of the of so we say okay it's the famous over there of burya and mayor so the difference between the person and the action right classic parenting not [snorts] you're a bad kid what you did was bad but you're and the kid doesn't do what you're talking anyway so just nothing really works but you come out with this this idea of like Hey, but are we supposed to how are we supposed to feel towards a Russia? How do we feel towards a wicked person? Well says, "Since we we don't have anyone who knows how to give rebuke properly, then can you hold a Russia gum responsible in a way that maybe you'd have feelings of negativity or hatred towards them and says the are you ready? Because of this, there is a an obligation to love even a Russia gum because he never had an opportunity not to be that. What [snorts] do you want from the guy? No one knows how to give to nowadays. How are we doing so far? Are we getting new stuff? Is this new material? This is good stuff, right? This is good. This is exciting. This is like, wow, I never heard such a thing. And neither did I until I did. You know where I heard it first? for myself as I read it on the bottom. Unbelievable. How do we look at other people? How do we interact with other people? Well, we know that we we have a bit of a a bit of an issue of destruction, right? Basit of an issue. What's going on? Oh, we really couldn't get along with each other. Go back to another place, right? Let's go back to like there's nobody could like even the good people are not treating the we're not doing things right over here. Well, guess what? [snorts] We have to love to love every Jew. Even if the person's a Russia gumar now, okay, so so now I'm not I'm not a postake. I'm not pusinning. Certainly I wouldn't do it in someone else's sh you know you got to speak to your own you know your own lord. Yeah. at your local Orthodox rabbi. Duh. To figure out how you do this misa and what and the other thing. And even so, it doesn't mean that we have to necessarily interact with everybody in the same way, but the feelings have to be there. Misha says you got to set up guidelines, right? Not necessarily going to get close to them and be careful about the hashbah, but the love you have to love them because they don't know. And if they would know, then they would act very differently. And the question is is do they realize what's going on over here? So how are we doing folks? Are we loving Jews? Are we loving Jews? And you know what the craziest thing is? Who are the ones that we have the easiest time hating? Is not even the Russia and the whatever. It's our spouse and children. It's just like it's crazy like this the the the the arguments and the fights and the whatever you're with people all the time like what do you want to do with the things happen like it's it just is what it is. It is what it is. Well, maybe there's another way of looking at it though. Maybe maybe the relationship could be looked at a little bit differently and as opposed to saying has anyone ever heard somebody say I told you a million times. You know what I say to the person who says, "I told you a million times." I say, "There's something very wrong with you. If you keep repeating yourself and it's not working, why do you keep repeating yourself?" As is well known. The definition of insanity is when a person does the same thing two times expecting different results. What do you think's going to happen? Of course, it's going to happen again. Now, that's not [snorts] always the case because the person understand it. They didn't get it. What if I told you a million times? Maybe there has to be another way of saying it. Maybe we have to stop thinking in the way that we're doing and trying to expand our mind a little bit to get more of clarity and more of understanding that they're going to have more of an understanding. How are they going to have more of an understanding if we keep saying the same thing over and over and over again? Simple [snorts] thing to do? Absolutely not. Quite difficult actually. Very challenging thing. very challenging thing to break out of what we're normally used to doing and trying to see it from a different angle, trying to see from something else. And and and as uh as I spoke with the teens upstairs about it doesn't it doesn't mean that the person's off the hook and what they're doing is okay. It could be [snorts] the person's wrong and they and and it's not okay and they shouldn't be doing it. But if they'd understand that a certain way, then maybe they would maybe they would change. If we'd understand the approach, just get like where people are coming from. Everything would change. Everything would change. It It would change like almost immediately. It It's the craziest thing. I We talk about talk about rebuke, talk about the idea when we go ahead and we're going to call someone out for doing a certain thing. We just read parashi says something amazing. [snorts] Rashi says when it comes to the idea of when does Moshe decide to start Mishna Torah, what's Mishna? Mishna literally means the repetition of the Torah. Right? That's that that's what darum is called mish and he goes through and it's fills in a lot of the blanks that happens in shamos and very midbar a lot of stuff that's not there is filled in over there he gets you see the story line this is the end it's a long speech towards the end of his life the end of his life and he goes ahead and he starts to rebuke them hold on nobody knows how to give rebuke no one knows how to take rebuke okay mush knew how to do it and we see other people know how to do it fast forward 1500 years till we get to those that okay to be if anyone knows how to give it and if anybody knows how to receive and all that kind of stuff. Moshe goes and he says, "I'm going to give to at the end of the life." Why? Why does he wait till the end of his life? Why did he do that? What do you guys say? >> Say it. >> Not to cause the other person to hate them. How does it help by doing at the end of life? >> Because the person's dead, right? and [snorts] that it's fine. They move on. That's one reason. Excellent. What's another reason? >> Not to do it more than once because they write this is Rashi comes and there's a whole list of things. Where did Mosha get this idea from? Where did he learn to wait to give to learn from Yakabinu? I I want to share with you such a powerful rashi that is in my mindblowing. I I don't I don't know if I never saw the rashy or it just never hit me. I think a lot of times we see things and you know different ages and stages in life and people notice different things. I I [snorts] was talking to my wife the other day. noticed as I get older than I was that when one gets older that they hit different stages in life and and the discuss discussion we were having is that when we get older we get slower. Now we should all live healthy fast strong lives. Amen. >> Amen. >> Amen. Thank Thank you. Amen. Thank you. Thank you. You should all be very rich. >> See, that was always quicker. Yeah. Okay. We should live a finally. Okay. The question is, what is rich? Okay. So, so uh I'll tell you. Very good. I haven't been up to that yet. I heard that one before. We heard this one. [snorts] So, I don't know. When we get we get old, we get slower. And slower doesn't mean perhaps what you might be thinking. I mean, I don't mean slower like we walk slower and we think slower. I mean it's it's okay relax, slow down, take it easy. You look at what's known as a sorban. So everyone is a young budding Torah scholar and you see when a kid comes to home from yeshiva and he's 20 or 21 and he's got this fire you know whatever it is and they're like user mut like just chill take it easy you may be right that's awesome you may be right that's mutter okay but take it easy slow down where's it coming from it's coming from a lot of experience we we've seen this before it's not the first time we saw something said, you know, people get flustered when they go through experiences for the first time. I never saw this. What do we do if we have to do something? And it's like, it's okay. It's okay. The difference between someone's first child and their fifth or sixth or seventh or eighth child, right? The way they behave a little different like they say what happens like first kid happens to be we we didn't do the pacifier thing. Maybe we should have but but we didn't. But the joke of I'll tell you why. I just have trauma. We didn't. And then my daughter was crying crying one day. So I put the pacifier in her mouth and but she was already a couple weeks old or a couple months old. I don't remember if that's my wife. Whatever it was and and she was she was so not used to that that she cried her she crying like crazy. And then she just started throwing up. And I was like okay forget this. We are done with the pacifier. [snorts] But the pacifier joke is that the first kid the pacifier falls out of the mouth onto the floor. What do you do? You boil water and you sanitize it and you get and now you in 2020 you get hand sanitizer and there's pacifier sanitizer and you burn that off. Right. Exactly. And what happens? The second kid you take it off. You wash it in the sink with So the third one you put in your own mouth. You lick it off. Whatever. Who knows what? The fourth kid you put it right back in the mouth. And the fifth kid there's no pacifier. Right. It's just like yeah it's okay. It's okay. I mean everything's got to be perfect and whatever. You know I I think back it's so crazy. I really have to give props to my in-laws. I just I I just don't like my my my in-laws have such such patience such patience with us. And and I told them I would never tell my parents can't let your parents have nas but my in-laws I can tell them. And I told them I said you know I called my father and when did I notice this? I have a daughter they got married. have a daughter. She had a child. And about the way I deal with my son-in-law and my grandchild and my daughter, it is totally modeled after my father-in-law and mother-in-law that you just let us be crazy. Just let us be crazy. You know, you can't hold the kid. You might be sick. It could be that you were sick in 1975 and who knows what and the thing. You don't know how to hold a baby. You know this. Yeah. You're like, I think we did okay job with you. We dropped you a few times, you know, but uh but it's okay. It's just amazing. Someone's been through the been through it. They experienced it. They get it. Slow down a little bit. Not so quick. There's a there's a certain tendency. We see someone doing something wrong, you have to like jump and say something right away. Whoa. Slow down. Bush waited till the end of life. He learns it from Yakov. This is the rashi that that that totally blew my mind. It's right in the beginning of the para perf gimmel third part third third p in the para and where rashi says what a lot of you are saying and rashi says he learned from yakovu not to give muser to ruain now hold on one second these are theatim I don't know I don't know y'all I don't know what you've learned and you haven't learned but my is that the were very big people very very big people and like they could clearly accept mus they were very big they were about to say for they were like doing big stuff it's not like small like whatever it is who they make mistakes I'll tell us yes there are mistakes we have to everything's the proper respect and it's always it's always funny I don't know what word to use sad funny whatever I'm not sure when someone's like well me you know took a woman that wasn't his, I'll do it, too. Like, not exactly how it worked. You understand the real story of David Bacha and the Nvas that were happening and and and the mal. There's a lot going on there. Ruin for whatever it is ends up losing his bur and Yakov doesn't give him user. Why didn't Yakov give Asov Muser? I'm sorry. Why didn't YaKob give ruin muser? Why did he give him muser? >> Because he was scared. This is the You thought about what that seriously? Huh? That's a haba amina. He's scared that he's going to join as. What are you talking about? Join as well. They couldn't tell the difference to Yakov and Asa. [snorts] Why would it be that he would even go out of his why would he do such a thing? That doesn't make sense. So this I actually I'm relatively certain I never saw until this year. The rashi maybe I've seen I never saw in the sapine red interlinearish on the notes on the bottom. It brings over there I believe if I remember correctly the Maharik who says do you know what the fear was as also lost the bakar and maybe if Ruv gets yelled at from his father for behavior he'll find solace somewhere else of somebody who also lost the he understands me so I can go talk with him then we'll be Good. Be very careful. We got to check ourself before we wreck ourself. Another another discussion I was having with my wife. I was talking about the fact that I don't I don't I you can never I don't know the depth of my psychological upbringing. Although many doctors tried telling me but I I I I said to wife I don't feel like I have trauma from my childhood. I have trauma being a parent. cuz like holy moly the kids are like [snorts] and really what's the trauma merely it's bringing me back to my childhood because it's just a mirror it's all it is what am I getting frustrated or whatever who knows what the neighbor has like something to do with me maybe I see it as a failure I want it to be something who knows what I see it partially what I could whatever it may be answer is like slow down chill out have to be so intense that doesn't mean we can't have conversations doesn't mean we can't talk it doesn't mean we can't converse but it's about gishad how do we approach it the approach has to be with a real and and and and I I just want to be clear here I don't know if you ever heard a speaker say listen [snorts] I'm really talking to myself and if you want you can listen so I'll just be straight I'm talking to you and hopefully I'll listen and hopefully I because I have a lot to lose I got to start I got I got young kids I got to work this out, you know, make sure I have clarity in what's going on over here. That's the approach. Slow down. Sometimes wait, sometimes wait years, maybe decades before we say a word comes down. Love them. Okay. So, what do you mean they're destroying this? They're doing that bad. Fine. There might be things that have to be done practically that could [snorts] be like we said and and and all that and set up guidelines and there's there's you know there's there's a fence and boundaries. Got it. But but still you have to have that love and understanding if they really would know who would do the wrong thing. And you know who the best person to learn this from is the best person to learn this from? is you. You're the best person to learn this from. [snorts] You see a child, you see a spouse, you see a neighbor, you see a person inali behave behaving in a certain way. Let's understand destruction. Where's it coming from? Well, hold on one second. Um, what's the problem we have with that person? Well, they're behaving in a way which isn't okay. Okay, but but let's stop and process this for a moment. What about you? This is what we call balshua syndrome, BTS. What's balua syndrome? Bouva syndrome is when a person, let's say, grows up never keeping shabas their whole life. Shabbat, same holiday. They never keep shabas their whole life. And then one Shabas they keep and then they go, "Can you believe that guy? He's not keeping Shabas. What's wrong with that guy? Bro, you didn't keep jobs for 40 years. Like, what all of a sudden you forgot about that? What's going on? So, let me ask all y'all a question. Is there anything that you ever did that you don't think is okay and you did it for many years and then at some point you changed. I mean, you changed. I always wonder what was the difference between the day you changed and the day before. So let's say smoking. I don't know if you remember there used to be thing called cigarettes. Now they have like vaping things, whatever. Okay. So let's say a person smokes [snorts] and and they smoked and they smoked and they smoked and then one day on Tuesday they decide that's it. I'm done and they stop. They never smoke again. Did you not know it the day before? How many of those people was like on Monday someone like hey cigarettes those are dangerous. He goes are you serious? All right, I'm done. Nobody know you want to go back to who wants to pull back the most chuas and go back to the 40s. Okay, I got it. But but in the last 30 years, 40, everybody knows that smoking is bad. So somebody's going to go and say, "Oh no, I thought it was. Oh my god, I thought it was good. My doctor said it's good." Who is your doctor? I don't know. He's a dealer also. That's not a doctor. So you go and you say like, "What happened? You didn't know the day before." The answer is I don't know if everyone knows what I'm talking about, but that's an age thing. Okay, but the point is that that it clicked. It clicked. There are many things we know just didn't get to the heart yet. You're being so hard on the person is behaving a certain way. Why do you think they're behaving like that? Because they don't really get it. They full well understand. They may understand in their mind, they don't get it in the heart. They don't really get it. >> We're all like that. >> Yeah, that's my point. >> Yeah, exactly. >> That's right. And and and we're not only all like that in the past. Even now, there are plenty of things, right? Like I like why am I fatter than I'd like to be? My wife says, simple. You eat too much. Like it's not complicated. I say, "So what? If I only knew what to do to lose weight. We all know what to do. There's no one's like,"What you mean have less food and exercise? I never heard of such an idea." Now, some of you are thinking, "What are you talking about?" Oh, Zenic. Okay, fine. Everyone has a thing. But the point is like we know what to do, but it's hard to do it. So, there are the people that that's where they are in that area. As is said, don't blame me because I sin differently than you. We all have things that we would never do that wrong, but they per that person would never do what we would do wrong. We all have different areas of where we are. Don't judge me because I sin differently. You don't hold me accountable. It's like, yeah, okay. So, I have to work on myself. We all have to work on ourselves. But coming and being intense and and [snorts] going wild and going crazy, I I don't mean necessarily that it shouldn't be done as a as an understanding of a concept. But when you're dealing with an individual, slow and steady, not ready yet. Give it time. They're not there yet. Let it click. Be there. Have the conversation. It reminds you of a like sometimes you see like a can be like an intensity of two people interacting and it's like how could you do this? Like from a distance that's what it looks like right and what are the people hearing? What's the what's the recipient hearing when the someone's going at them like that? What's going through their mind? Reminds me of a comic. Anybody remember was like there was I don't know what it was, but it was a cartoon of a guy talking to his dog. And he says, "Rover, you got to wipe your feet at the front. You're getting mud all over the house. Rover, stop eating the couch. Rover, you're running all over the place and eating the food." And then it shows you what the dog hears. It's like bubble bubble bubble bubble. And it goes, "Rover, blah blah blah blah Rover blah blah blah blah rover blah blah blah blah." What does our spouse hear? What do our children hear when we go and we say motion? That's all they hear. There's nothing. There's nothing there. It's like what what are you doing already? Slow it down. Got to come with a whole new angle, a [snorts] whole new understanding. I'll tell you, it's amazing. I I heard a story recently. Is it true? I don't know. I don't know if any story is true. I know stuff happens to me is true. This is the way that I heard the story. There was a there was a boy coming from a religious home that called up his parents. He wasn't living at home for a little bit. He called up his parents and he said, "I just want to tell you something. Maybe not be too thrilled with me. I've left the fold. I'm not religious." So the the parents were, you know, very taken aback by that. They're religious, you know, living somewhere in who knows Pay. I don't know whatever, you know, like a day or month, I don't know, somewhere. They said, "Yeah, and I want to come visit. I want to stay come home, but not if you're going to like give me problems. I'm just telling you like whatever. I'm not religious. Like I'm I'm off the Derek." Okay. So, there's two approaches that people take, but then there's like a blend. One approach is well if you're not religious then don't even come home. That's one approach. The other approach is only with love. Only with love. Okay, you can come home but can we deal with it like we have other kids at home like maybe do it in private what you want to do whatever. She says hey okay fine no problem be respectful. Kid comes home and he shows up at home. He's wearing a yamaka. friends go, "Thank God we go." Ah, nice to see you. So good. Whatever. Okay, he goes to sleep. Next morning, father, you know, not sure what to do. Do I wake him up for shakers? Do I not wake him up? He's off to Derek, I don't really know. He wakes up and he sees his son up and about. He said, "Where you going?" He said, "I'm going to shakers." He's like, "Oh, okay." He's like, "Which minion are you going?" He's like, "75." You know, he's going, "Mus, do you want me to drive?" Like with trepidation, you know. Do you want me to drive? I'm not saying you have to. I'm just saying like, "Do you want me to drive?" I happen to be going. Do you want Sure. They get there, he puts on his fillin, and he dins. And the father doesn't understand what's going on. He wore the yamaka. Maybe it's because he's being respectful, but he's off the ber. Why is he going to shak and boy that's filling and not only that, you know, he's looking without looking, you know, he's kind of like, you know, keeps looking back at him. I'm not looking. He's got the mirror and his glasses, you know, decodering. Anyway, anyway, [snorts] he comes over to him. He sees after Shakus, the son sits down, opens a safer, and starts learning. Okay, he doesn't get it. They come [snorts] home, they have breakfast, he makes a braha, he washes, he benches, he goes to min, he goes to marav, he learns, he's involved with his siblings, he gives saddaka, he's involved in everything. Finally, day two, he says to I said son, I just I have to ask you. I'm not I'm really I accept you wherever you are. I'm okay. I just I don't understand. You said you like you're like you're off the deck, but you're wearing a yamaka. You're you're dinging. you're going to shore like you you're off the derek you're not off the I don't get it he says listen let me tell you something when I was on the derek when I was religious a few days ago if I didn't get up on time for shak you would say no shak you got to get up it's time to go down and if I didn't bench DID YOU BENCH DID YOU WASHER WE GOT OVER the fill up the cub do the thing WHATEVER but now that I'm off the derek then everything I do you're so calm and you're so grateful and you're so appreciative and you give me so much encouragement and so much love I'm off to Derek what's calm down everybody just relax. So we can have conversations, open conversations or whatever it is, but that's with our children, that's with our spouses, that's with our neighbors, that's with our extended. [snorts] Maybe maybe as the title discusses here, maybe if we broke down these walls, these walls of the way we see the world. This is the way it is. This is how it's supposed to be. If we break those down, then actually would end up changing something. The way I heard the way I heard somebody say something fascinating. I think his name is Miller. Um it might not be Miller, but I think it is. I think he lives in in Lakewood, New Jersey. I think he's from England. I I might have made all that up. >> Am I saying the right name? Maybe he's from Australia. Maybe. Maybe. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He lives in Joberg. Anyway, so so this this I I think I think I was right with what I said, but I I I really don't know. I don't know much. But I know I love you. [singing] So I don't know that maybe. So he said maybe there's so many people that are struggling with the derek. What if we widened it a little bit then maybe people wouldn't be falling off it so much. Now what does that mean? That doesn't mean we're breaking. That doesn't mean that we're going against God. Doesn't mean that we're starting the reform movement. It doesn't mean that we're doing it. Just means maybe we should just chill a little bit. Give things time. People they get wiser, they get older. Slow down. It's going to be okay. I remember when when my kids were very little and and my wife would be nervous if they're already a month and they're not walking like what's going to be and I wasn't even to say she would say you know what it's Hashem by 20 they'll be walking like you know they'll walk down the like this is such a thing like it's got to be now it's got to be it's got to be like this slow it down a little bit slow it down a little bit understand if we take a step back then maybe it would change the entirety of the situation and things can fall into place if we actually feel that connection and that love. What are you going to do? You going to call me a Russia? Even if I am, I'm an onus. But the lion of the she's an honest. The person is an is against his ability. He just doesn't know. And even when we know, we don't always know. It's got to fall. Takes time till till it falls. And then when it [snorts] falls, then things can change a little bit. Okay. I I don't know. I don't know how this works. So, but I don't want everyone falling asleep on me. So, what I'm going to do right now is just a quick recap everything we did. End of one point and then open it up to any questions, comments, stories, jokes, attacks. There probably will be none. We'll look at each other awkwardly for a moment. I'll say thank you. Some of you will clap and the rest will shuffle your chairs and then I'll leave. Here we go. So, we started off in the beginning and the beginning. I want to share with you some that all y'all didn't hear. And then we got comes the obeys and tell the story to me. Honey, if anyone knows how to receive honey, if anyone knows how to give, I'd be shocked if the thing comes with the cheetah comes and says that I'd be shocked if we could receive without even hating the person who's given thing over there. It's too much to do. It comes on in the note in the bottom. Uncle Art in the bottom over there. And it goes and he says that what do we have over here quoting the at the very end of with a whole list of things. I think it's number 17 on that list that comes along and talk to the fact about you come to loving somebody over there. He g the person the Russia because they didn't have the right they weren't given the right there and that is you have to love even a Russia because they don't know what's going on and they would have got the proper things and of course they would have just like all of us would have if we would know at least we don't understand the concept and we change things a little bit chill slow down when I'm wiser and I'm older when a person just understands it over time so this is a thing to the chill out. Chill out. Don't you understand where Mosha learned it from? From Jacob. Well, we know better than Moshe and Jacobu. Jacob with the And he says he's scared he's going to run to EV. It's Ruain. What are you scared Ruven with avatar? Yeah, because he'll find love over there. We'll find a common ground and that'll be great and they'll work together. Be wonderful. Too nervous that to happen. So, I'm just going to wait decades and then we can talk about it. and various reasons the Rasha brings down as well that says the mik and the common denominator was the fact that both of them lost the bakar and that's where he's going to go find himself we're so quick at times to go and to judge another group another people another who knows what another the other one second like they don't know or by the way it could be maybe we're the ones that are wrong and say stop it [laughter] we're right but maybe we're not that's maybe an option but even if we are we're still Not we may be right but even if we are right we might still be wrong and that's what by having an understanding that they don't have that understanding therefore slow it down rover blah blah blah rover blah blah blah the deal blah blah blah benching blah blah blah blah blah blah blah relax take it easy one thing at a Don't let it be upon you. Like we know says when do you do it? How do you do it? Gamar is there with the roundings on the mice. It's be it's got to be it's going to be private. It's going to be careful in front of people and whatever narr like the boy we just described. But really it means that we should all be za to be the parents and we shall be zoka to be the neighbors. to be the community members and part of that can understand you know what maybe they just don't realize that I love them we have to be careful we don't want to be from different things but at the same time okay we still love them and we appreciate them and and we're hoping that in due time just like for us it felt we didn't know on Monday of course we knew but it didn't click yet so it didn't click for them yet slow and steady wins the race it's not something which is simple but if we're able to break down our walls of our rigidness of the way we see the world and that's the way maybe that can build rebuild the walls that are so now destroyed understand that the whole idea of the ba migdas is irrelevant and this is just the fear of the night it's irrelevant it's not about the building it's not about having a structure it's about what's behind the structure it's about real connection it's about real relationships and biat of course because without we are donskies with the help of Hashem. If we're able to go ahead and to start breaking down those walls and widening that understanding and seeing a little bit more then will be to all of us going off the derek in a way that we're all on the but not so intense. It's good. It's pleasant. It's it's positive. It's peace. are the relationships we're having and shalom because if not then there's something lacking over there and then don't we don't we don't really have that whole Torah and if we lived with such a thing then I'll end in the Jewish way that is expected to build what's known as the mikdashu >> Amen. Thank you all for coming and I'd like to pass it over to you want to say a few words. Okay. Thank you all for coming. Drive home safely and have a we should have a should be an incredible yontiff in just a few days. >> [snorts]