RAV GAV 'Five levels of Pleasure' part 2 of 2

the ideas want to understand the idea of what's going on is that even though we love sometimes we have a hard time like being able to actualize that what's going on over here so number one you got to be an expert what's love what is the definition of love so only because of time unless we have time okay so does anyone share with me what they think is a definition of love it's hard to do this it really is to pin it down but let's at least try to get close to it when does somebody love something don't give me a rough destiny giving don't give me i have in have don't do that for me right it's true that you'll come to love when you give towards something but i'm not looking for that you see my question is why would you even give to the thing in the first place right you give to things that you already love and then it builds the love but my question is why do you love that thing in the first place yeah because you like want to be unified with it why do you want to be unified with that thing you'll like it say it again remember what what are you remembering yeah what do you got a little extension of you okay that's true now you find a lot of times with kids when person you're talking in particular of that or even somebody else it's much harder to do that though they're not actually an extension of you but okay what else a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person yes that is what i was looking for wikipedia's definition of love is it wikipedia okay so look at wikipedia all right so i'm going to give you an interesting definition so the rambam and manatee speaks about this idea and um again the waiver of noah would phrase it was the following love is the feeling that one gets when they focus on the virtues of another think about it argue digest agree let's move on okay the idea is what what is love when do you love something essentially when you focus on the positive of that thing which means as crazy as it sounds you can love anyone and or anything say again okay yeah three days one day what are you well the idea is what you can love anyone or anything depending on what you decide i'll give you an example i'm talking about now if you don't have children that's okay but i think you probably were a child right at one point i imagine in which case you might be familiar with this just from being the recipient it's not uncommon to find that a mother or a father that's not from new york love their children right it's right they love their children right you find someone loves their child hold on one second does that child have any faults right who knows the faults more than anyone the mother right and the father points them out but the mother knows right more than anyone the mother knows but it's also the mother that loves that kid more than anyone why because a mother chooses to focus not on the negative but chooses to focus on the positive attributes of that kid and when she does so now she loves him what about the kid next door right can't stand that kid yeah has anyone here had a parent that said i don't want you hanging out with tommy stay away from tommy yeah if your mother sounds like that that's messed up right yeah yeah mommy okay give me another cigarette look i don't get it what about the kid next door kid next door is any different the kids are all the same and this is why if a person really wanted to as an amazing exercise that if you take a person that you love or that you very much adore you look up to write down on a paper all their positive attributes and on the same page write all their negative attributes even though people that you love we know that people have faults write them all down take a person that you don't necessarily love let's call it write down all their negative attributes let's start with that yeah and then after that write their positive attributes even though you don't want to see it we know even the people don't like they have positive attributes it is not uncommon that you will find that the lists might be identical and what is is that you choose to focus on the positive as opposed to the negative so how come a person maybe can't stand it is because what are we focusing on so number one is you got to be an expert one and two work together here number two is you got to focus right now what's the focus here you got to focus on the result that's going to come from this relationship rather than the work you need to give in order to get to that point so everybody understand that and let's talk about in terms of a of a of a dating relationship when a person goes involved in in terms of dating if anyone goes into the uh relationship and dating thinking everything's going to be perfect and beautiful so either i don't know who you're dating right or or you're going to be in for a big surprise and it is what but there's always going to be things that are not going to be 100 and that takes work and that takes a focus if you focus on the work it takes in order to be able to have this loving relationship then many people will get rid of kids a very long time ago right i think for some of you heard me speak about this in another share that i have a friend who when he was getting married he was told you know one day you're gonna have a baby god willing and when you have that baby it's going to be so cute you look at that baby and like so cute and the beginning of the baby's going to sleep because babies do they sleep in the beginning a couple days in though that's when they start to wake up and one night it's gonna be like one o'clock two o'clock three o'clock in the morning you're not gonna be able to get this kid to sleep and while they holding this kid you're gonna look at your window and you go look at the kid it'll pass your mind it'll be fleeting but it will pass your mind you're going to want to chuck that kid right out the window so the guy says i have one piece of advice for you don't do it and that's how i now you know why we have ceru gim on the windows right why do we have bars yeah you thought it's for thieves one on the 90th floor they say we get like what are you doing right now you know why these really kids are so tough because your parents drive right they hit the head but the idea is what if we would just give in to the that's just too much effort forget it but if we were to bypass it and focus on the fact of what we're going to get from this idea that's going to be that much greater what's the counterfeit what is a counterfeit of love so to quote to you a uh cliche in reference to the class but if you've ever heard it it'll be new to you there's a movie called played against sam anybody see that movie anybody hear of that movie i've never heard of the word movie okay it's kind of like a book but it's on a screen it's not like a book at all anyway the idea is that uh there was a movie played against sam woody allen nice jewish boy and uh woody allen was once sustaining the metro tom metropolitan museum of art otherwise known as the met and he walks in and he sees this beautiful woman and she's looking at this painting and goes and stands next to her he looks at the painting and he goes so what do you see without even looking at him she goes i see destruction darkness a pit of nothingness he goes oh doing anything friday night she looks at him and goes friday night i'm going to kill myself how about thursday night what's that called is that what we call love that's hope you need hope the answer is what that's called infatuation everybody get that that's called lust what's the counterfeit of love you see the western world says love is blind judaism says a life i'm sorry love is a magnifying glass we see that there's negative but we focus on the positive and when a person gets involved the idea of loss and then they wonder i don't get it why am i not getting an incredible feeling out of this physical relationship and out of this love the answer is because it's counts if it's not real now the good news is we already know what to do right we already do stuff we're already involved in physical things we've all experienced some sort of love now all we've got to do is tweak it a little bit tweak our focus tweak our perceptions of what everything is about i'm just saying what needs to be an expert and everything changes number three what is a greater level than physical pleasure what is a greater level than love now i want to point out for those who are thinking or haven't thought yet but might think afterwards what do you mean there are people in the world that are willing to give up to give up physical pleasure i all the money in the world for their kids it's true but there are also people that are willing to take the money and get rid of their kids and it happens right it happens unfortunately you have certain places in the world other of people who can't afford to even live and they'll give over a kid they have a lot of kids whatever in order to have some money to make the month even right it happens i'm not saying it doesn't happen that's not the question it happens however everyone intuitively knows that they made the wrong decision and they may make the wrong decision again but they know that it is greater to have the child than to have the money but we make decisions based off moments sometimes and even though we understand the wrong decisions we do it number three what's a greater pleasure than even love say mental good now as mentioned before and we're gonna use it understand obviously we're using our mental for all of this stuff right we're using our brains we're thinking right that's true but the idea goes like this let's take an example of let's say somebody says to you there are a thousand babies in a room this is a button which will detonate a bomb that will kill them either push the button or i will kill you if you push it you're off the hook if you don't you die please do not answer this if you're gonna answer wrong what would you do very good but i'm assuming you didn't learn to say them is that correct right so maybe all of a share on that in particular happens to be not so clear yeah the idea of sri hashdam gilris and zara although you are right generally there are many details to that and the german sanhedrin talks about when you're done with the numbers game and now that changes things but putting aside but putting aside putting aside but let's say let me ask you what would you do my name is john quinones and i work for abc news what would you do would you push the button i'm hoping let me answer for you you wouldn't push the button now hold on one second you just gave up all physical pleasure you just gave up all love what's this this is what we call meaning purpose meaning doing the right thing doing the right thing is a lot greater and by the way these things can come together doesn't have to be always ultimatums but my point is if we want to try to find an understanding of what's greater than we have to look at the extreme examples so the idea is what being a good person doing the right thing is greater than all the physical pleasure and all the love in the world now could it be people will sell themselves short sure but that's not what we're talking about what would we do necessarily even made mistakes talking about what's primary and understanding of what's more correct and what you're going to get more out of okay but now comes the classic questions and perhaps what we're even doing here tonight to discuss the idea of happiness idea of cassid the idea of giving the idea of growing what this whole thing is about doing good being good how do we do this now you gotta look at three things how come there are people out there that are trying to live a life will say of meaning but they're not necessarily getting that incredible unbelievable feeling and their pleasure let's look at the three things number one you got to be an expert what is the right thing how many of us have clarity when we're making decisions in our life of what is actually the right thing let me ask it differently has anyone here ever had a lack of clarity on which way they should be going in a certain area of life yeah okay one of you now of the one of you maybe it could be our spokeswoman right you understand right we've had times like that what's that like that's unsettling it's very difficult and even when we make a decision if we don't really believe it's the right thing so what do you expect you're going to get out of it how do you think it's gonna feel let's say we go to school in the morning but we don't really understand that it's the right thing to do perhaps so yeah we're not gonna get something out of it if we don't fully appreciate and understand what we're doing and that it's the right thing to do so we're not going to get it incidentally if you told me we were talking directly about happiness i saw a beautiful definition rabbi dr akiva tats in his book the thinking jewish teenager's guide to life which is an oxymoron so they changed it to life i think and that is what now what is the definition of happiness in its own right happiness is the feeling that one gets when they're doing what they're supposed to be doing in other words when you are in line when it is aligned what you do and what you are supposed to be doing but everything lines up good not only convinced but also it actually is because if you're not convinced it's the right thing to do so you're right you're not going to get pleasure even if you're doing the right thing but when you understand it's the right thing and you actually live with that idea nothing like in the world going to shop at six o'clock in the morning if you would understand that's the right thing to do and you'd appreciate what it's about you'll be dancing to shauna's it might be the crust of her eyes in the morning but it would be some sort of dance yeah ideas would be an amazing thing so what is it it's not the idea have to understand what is it number one be an expert number two focus do you focus on the effort it takes to do the right thing sure or do you focus on what you will get by doing it there's many examples of this i just happened to have seen one on yahoo's front page a bunch of years ago where there was a uh a fellow who found in his attic forty thousand dollars in one hundred dollar bills now everything was like it was very strange he had bought the house from somebody from someone that their father owned the house and the father died and the son was selling the house if anybody remembers recently there was a fellow named zuroff i think his name was like connecticut yeah the one who found 90 000 in the desk drawer now that's that's pretty wild story and i don't want to downplay that what's the difference between these two stories that woman perhaps would have realized at some point and then maybe come back for it this guy was dead no one is coming back for this money the kids don't even know it exists no one will ever know this money existed but the guy went ahead called up the kid and said i want you to know i found this man he found it in world war ii um cartridge and bullet cartridges that the guy had wrapped up and put into these things over years because he didn't trust banks and the kids had no idea about it forty thousand dollars in one hundred dollar bills unmarked behind the dumpster and they did his what but he called up and he returned it now that's pretty difficult right i'm not saying that's the right thing to do maybe he was silly maybe he should have kept it i don't know but let's say it was the right thing to do can you imagine it was a challenge to give it back if you focus on the challenge it is to give it back versus what you're going to get by giving it back yeah then you may never do the right thing number three is a counterfeit what's the counterfeit of being good count good counter if it means it looks like it smells like it tastes like it but it ain't it not being good but looking good i'll give an example do not answer this question please has anyone here ever donated do not answer this question has anyone here ever donated money to any sort of cause don't answer has anyone ever donated money a significant amount of money do not answer this please a significant amount of money towards a particular cause perhaps an organization that you're at tonight now if you haven't you should let's move along now the next no so what am i going to say what am i talking about how come there are people that will give tons of money to charity but won't necessarily feel so amazing you need to ask yourself why did you do it did you do it to help the organization or did you do it because you're going to get a plaque on the wall i once was giving a class in asia torah and there was uh three people came that day a young couple of 75 and there's an 85 i think i was 14 at the time and uh and i basically said the class was like about life like like let me tell you why you lived your life wrong all right here we go yeah but before i started the guy goes to me hey kid where you from this before i started walking where you from so i said where i'm from he goes you know this building it quotes like a building and say i know that building he goes i donated that i was like wow that's nice yeah i know that i'm sure it was how about this one you know this building says another one i'm like yeah i know it he goes i donated that one too he goes you know this one he says another like let me guess did you donate that he's like no my brother but i thought it was part of it tonight now as the class went on i got up to a point which is similar to this and i was saying would you give charity do you do it for a plaque then i realized who i was talking to and i was like not that that's bad that's wonderful because you can inspire others to give i'm going to leave now goodbye right good idea why do we do what we do do we do it because it's the right thing or do we do it because we want to look good are we doing it because we're going to grow as individuals or are we doing it because other people will think we're great we're going to get a pat in the back when others are looking we're in when they're not not as much number one you got to know what is good number two got to look at the effort what are you focusing and number three not just looking good but actually being good okay number two what's number two now number two is a bit tricky it's not that it's necessarily i'd give up number three for number two but i like to look at it more of as an extension it's not the same thing it is called creativity creativity means where a person is willing to go ahead whereas being good is very nice being good although is something which comes along which perhaps on a smaller scale as opposed to taking a look and using something and building it to a large grandiose i'll give you an example i'm talking about who gets more pleasure i don't wanna the way i'm worrying this doesn't make sense but who gets more pleasure in war the soldier or the general think about it why the general good he said because the soldier what's he doing he's following whatever the orders are the general is also a soldier but he's not just following he's using his capacity to be able to go ahead and think of ways to make this actually work i'll give another example who gets a greater level of satisfaction a doctor who administers a drug that will save someone's life or a doctor that administers a drug that will save someone's life that they invented does everybody get it then i go one thing is when you're just doing what you're doing it's being good you are being good by going and giving a drug to help somebody but when you're the one who worked and used your mind and opened up in a way to be able to understand you go ahead and you're a doctor or you open a hospital where we go do we blow this out of the water we're using our creativity number one is again you gotta be an expert every one of us has incredible talents some of us recognize our talents more than others for those who don't recognize you for those who do you gotta work to try to figure out where do your talents lay where where what do you have we all have unbelievable capabilities number two is you gotta focus don't focus on the effort it takes again in order to come up with the ideas or the amount of time it takes but rather focus on the results i think it was thomas edison was he invited the light bulb is that right yeah thomas edison how many times anyone know i think it was the thousandth time he was trying that he made the breakthrough right and it's something like if he would have given up one time earlier we wouldn't have lights or someone else would become wealthy but the idea is one is that if he would have focused on the effort it takes to use his creativity forget about it let me get another job what do you decide to do let me focus on what's going to come from this idea and number three you got to be an expert what does that mean to be an expert what is the idea the expert in creativity i'm sorry i said that already what is the um counterfeit what is the countenance of creativity encountering with creativity is what we call control i'll give you an example hitler he was a creative guy right you got to be pretty creative to go ahead and be able to accomplish if you can call it that what he did is that right certainly was someone who was somewhat creative but there's a difference between creativity and domination creativity say again but he wanted to do it okay so the idea is what he was a creative mind so to speak yeah the idea is what do you do it was controlled as a dictatorship it's i'm the ruler a stalin a a uh castro can idea where a person goes and says i'm in charge i run the show now it could be that you get something out of that when you have control over something sometimes we feel good that we have control but sometimes we feel miserable when we have control what is that idea of just i'm in control i run it i'm the one what kind of pleasure does a person get out of that versus someone who uses his creativity in order to have so to speak control and i give an example let's say you want to get a kid to go to bed so you put your kid into sleep and they get up put them to asleep again you know where this is going they get up again sleep up sleep up sleep up sleep up so you get some chains tie them down lock the door you call it a night now you feel great you accomplished your goal the goal is to get them to bed another way were to be you read them a book again and then again and then you fall asleep and they leave the room you've accomplished the goal that you finally get the rest or you don't fall asleep but you keep it you tried little voices and stories and whatever and finally they fall asleep how do you feel the second time besides unbelievably tired you feel great you accomplished the goal of getting them to bed but it was through creativity and not control so just because we're getting physical pleasure and just because we have love and just because we're involved in somewhat of meaning or doing good and just because we're using creativity doesn't mean we're getting anything out of it because we might be living in the counterfeits last but not least though what is the greatest level of pleasure that a person can get we're all at a time thank you so much for coming okay so what is the greatest lever level that a person is able to attain it's greater than all these things i like to call this thank you for coming uh so what is the greatest level a person can get what is the greatest level a person is able to get selfless spiritual self-control so it goes like this i like to call this i i call this a wow moment a wow moment is when a person experiences something that sure it it manifests itself in a physical nature because we're human and everything's going to matter itself physically but it's otherworldly it's not physical i'll give an example of what i'm talking about in my wow moments is i once went hiking in order to go repelling the rappelling you don't know is that that is absolutely exactly snappling all right for those unfamiliar it's when you jump off a mountain backwards with a rope it doesn't sound normal you're right i didn't know what i was getting myself into right but the first part was good right that's when we were climbing up yeah and when we get to the top of this mountain it wasn't really the top because we were too lazy to go that high but when we were halfway up i was looking out over us around the dead sea i'm sure many of you have been there perhaps done this this route and when you look over it to me it's just like wow i could it's this is the real not just what a new yorker says awesome right but it was really awesome it was awe-inspiring it was it was just breathtaking not too much because you want to breathe but it was like this experience of that you can't really put into words has anyone ever had a wow moment in their life wow moments in our life what are these moments what are these things whether it's you're listening to a piece of music i i once listened to a piece of music which also brought me to another plane it was just i'm a musician so maybe perhaps that's why it touched me also but it literally took me out i was so touched by this it was an ozzy osbourne song i kid you not but it was beautiful right another one wants to check it out it's called old la tonight it was really beautiful nice piece in the beginning f c g a minor standard standard pero it was just nice i remember when it was i was i was i was in high school and i was just like and then turned into crazy train but before that when i heard it i was literally brought to a place a nice piece of art you see a sunrise a sunset right you're experiencing a baby or whatever these are things above when you look around the world there are certain things that are just above and beyond when you look around and you appreciate art what that means is you're appreciating the artist why do people want to go to book signings why do people want to meet why don't you want to meet their favorite musician or whatever why the answer is because there's something more than just the thing that i was composed there's something behind that this is so amazing let me meet this person people if you appreciate the art you appreciate the artist we're looking at a world now what is this idea this wow moment this wow moment essentially is when a person is connecting above and beyond this world it's called transcendental transcendence when a person puts an example that you just feel above and beyond yes this is true that is connecting to the almighty and that is a little bit of a feeling when a person gets that that i ask you let's say someone has your feeling that would say hey i'll give you a hundred bucks for that feeling you might do it because we make mistakes and we sell ourselves short but the reality is to take away that feeling there's nothing greater than that when we again when we're in line when everything's lined up we're doing what we're supposed to be doing we're experiencing we're looking at the beauty and the incredible like the roundabout talks about if you want to see god see god let's open your eyes you want to go over better because it talks a lot you want to see god look at the world look at the world see the beauty see the incredible just symmetry and just how deep and and how complex yet how simple everything is it's unbelievable when a person feels that and we get that wow there's nothing greater than that i can't again i can't even work i can't put into words if you had it you know what i'm talking about so therefore people let's start over let's take a look at the entirety however here we got the idea you got to be an expert what is god what's god the person says i've been trying to connect with jesus for many years now yeah okay but what is god number two is you gotta watch out and focus what are you focusing on the effort it takes to develop a relationship with the creator of the world or what you're going to walk away with once you develop that relationship and last but not least the counterfeit what's the counterfeit of god doctor whoever said idolatry this might be one of the same the counterfeit of god is you it's when you think you're the one who runs the world and when you think you're in charge of your life when you think you have everything figured out and something you're in control of everything the end of the day we say i'm trying to connect to god but if it doesn't work out i'll take care of it okay i know someone who knows someone you know what i mean i know someone lives in jersey yeah people where are we putting our hope in are we putting our hope in ourselves or are we taking a look and saying maybe that there's something greater than us okay so let's do a quick recap quick rundown of everything that we did so it's time to begin to understand the concept of what everybody wants this right homer it's only been six months answer the purpose of is well we understand it comes like what does it do best understand the concept what do people do everyone's going for pleasure everything we do every step you take every move you make we're not even stalking you but the idea is what maybe i am i did this one it's for pleasure so the question is how can we not get it why did somebody depress people 35 ways 000 copies out of control what's going on over here all right then we get a little further understand the concept maybe it's people confusing two things it's what comfort and pleasure just because you're getting confidence i mean you're getting plans here i'll tell you the counselor don't just run for the comfort of the actual pleasure they're five and what it follows the same again it says written by or by the anonymous and i said whatever their concept is number five number five number five that's physical pleasure what's for this schedule anything else one of the five sentences anything in touch one of the five sentences and he was involved in that that's the idea of physical puzzles we're not even three things and boys you've got to begin next we're going to be kind of sewer you want to be able to know what a picture is what they're going to start f stopping videos when it comes to the aperture then you get to be looking with the white bouncer it's off it's changing with the sunlight it's there and all of a sudden it changes everything right become an expert and would you the focus what are you focusing on right staying alive or you're taking a look at the whole thing it counts with a personality they're going to save their life again number three everything they watch for the counterfeit it looks like it smells like it but it ain't it okay number four it says love love is even greater than that people want to give everything when they have love and expressions we've got to know what it is understand that's number three number three is ideas what meaning doing the right thing when a principle isn't connected with doing the right thing i'd be willing to give them a 504 number three number two creativity attention everyone versus accentuated number two is where we go not just administer the drugs we created the drug actually brought the drug and saves people's lives after everything wow a wow moment like this right a person goes ahead and they experience something which is above and beyond transcendence when you feel that feeling whenever if you haven't felt it when you feel it you're going to know what it is you're going to say like i want to have that again they have to understand the concepts of women giving everything to get that so people who are saying the end of the day is really ultimately let's try to do all five of them let's try to do all five of them live a life of physical pleasure enjoy it get a lot out of it but don't get so caught up in it that you missed the idea that something called love live a life of love don't get so caught up in the idea of love that you don't realize what meaning is live a life of meaning but don't be so selfish spread it out a little bit creative understand open it up do all these things but don't just do it at your own expense and then stay in the comments something even greater than that so when we connect it's been great or not it's a transcendence it's incredible so what is it when a person gets involved an idea of physical pleasure if i can quote a boss slash colleague of mine eric cooper smith he said if you go ahead and you get physical pleasure out of life good you can enjoy physical pleasure and even if you do it properly that's wonderful but living a life staying stuck in physical pleasure that's the appetizer of existence when you go to a wedding do you just eat the melon sprinkled with coconut or do you hang out for the main dish imagine the guy goes ahead at the wedding he starts eating melon he's like oh yeah so he takes more and then he walks around with the guys out looking because you want to see you know the same waiter seeing you again doesn't look good you know so you come from behind and it's like where's that hand then you just walk with him around she doesn't see what you're doing and you just pound in that melt and you go to something like wow what now this was a wedding did you have the melon oh my goodness the melon this is you idiot prime rib if you're a vegetarian beautiful piece of lettuce i mean come on you just stuffed yourself up you could have lettuce yeah people understand the idea is enjoy physical but don't just live with the appetizer go for the main course take them all connect with the ultimate any questions comments stories jokes attacks please keep them verbal non-physical okay people it's been a pleasure thank you so much and i just have everybody's attention for two minutes just two minutes i want to thank god for coming out i want to thank you all as well i know it was hard to find like somewhere in the middle of nowhere but the next week we have rabbi yonto blazer he's going i forgot who the title was anybody here remember wait a second keep going anyway he's going to be here next week at same time same place at february 3rd we're having a tu bishvat seder all the information about signing up is on our website which we do hope ah thank you very much it's called how to be constantly grateful that's jumped up glazer next week february 3rd we're having a tuba spot seder you're all invited all the information is on our website that's www.youtube.comh.com also january 25th we're running a legacy hands-on experience packaging food at yacht eliezer we're going to be running many different types of programs like that half days full days and whatnot um also just in terms of these forms we left these forms by the front desk or the desk outside this asks you if you're interested in doing different type of volunteer work just for an example during the last snowstorm we had several families old people elderly that needed help we brought them raw food cooked food people running around so like on a moment's notice if we know what you're interested in we could you know call on you but obviously not all those things are you know emergency situations but if you do sign up we'd like to get you more involved that's the whole purpose of this uh this seminar so i hope you've all enjoyed it i hope you all come back thank you very much you