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Where is Your Kindness Coming From?
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Kuntres U'Maayan #3
Categories:Torah/Chassidus
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Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
okay good morning i heard
uh good morning to everybody ari do me a
favor put mute yourself
uh when you want to ask you want
yourself
so we're on page 33 in country mayan
we're still in the first mimer in middle
of pedic bays
we learned yesterday that there are
various levels
of tainook of pleasures one is called
taino
goofny or taino bahami an animalistic
thai nuke
or another name for it is a
a bodily tinuk and that ever said that's
like an animal
you're acting like an animal that's
number one above that
more refined is the time of the pleasure
of music
he said very little about it but i did
expound on it and uh you could
listen to the sheer if you wish i don't
want to repeat it but
it's it's it's not roughness music is
still gosh
it's physical although it's it's to the
air not to the palate but nevertheless
it's it's still um a gosh dick of time
but more refined that's why he calls it
the second level of time which is higher
uh more refined than the first level of
pleasure
and then he goes into the third and this
is where we're
this where we're at the third type of
taino is a tiny that comes from doing
someone a kindness
however so so there you would think that
it's really uh
all good that ebb says if it's done
because it's natural to the person
then he considers that not a
spiritual taina but rather a um
a title that needs a work and
we discussed that too so let's continue
now on 33
the second paragraph
take for example the attribute
the character trait of jesus
which requires distinguishing between
good and bad
in other words just just because you're
blessed with a kindness
doesn't mean you should always act upon
that kindness sometimes
the kindness if if it's it's
indiscriminate
it will be given to it'll cause a bad
situation
and you should have not used your
kindness in that situation
so that's why it says kindness needs
mind over matter to direct it
to
nevertheless there are also times when
you do
have to give heset be benevolent
to someone who is not suitable who
doesn't really deserve it
you know there'll be a purpose coming
from the ghasa that you are doing to him
although technically he doesn't deserve
it
so because you have the understanding
that down the road
this will give him uh the impetus to
make a change in their in his life
so therefore you should do now has it
with him although right now he doesn't
deserve
and he brings a muscle from avraham
[Music]
he fed also arabs
in his tent in his restaurant
why did he do that
to publicize monotheism in the world
well the caliber sabria and the purpose
of that was to bring people closer
really close to godliness
so therefore avraham found a way
of drawing people in although he had no
interest in feeding them that wasn't his
thing but he did it as a way to get them
in
and to share with them that there is a
creator there is a god okay
that you you as it says under the murder
i'll post it via the the terrorist says
embraces
and he called over there in the name of
hashem god
world america cesares
anyone that passed his tent by having
him come in
and offering him a meal they were able
to
they they they gave praise to hashem
kate sat how
often after they ate and they drank
undulating they got up and they wanted
to say thank you very much like we do
when we're hosted by someone
we say thank you for the meal it's it's
the right thing to do
so they they they wanted to do the same
thing amalaham so as soon as they did
that
we're going to do it he said to them
did you eat of mine do you think that i
i created the food michelle
mccall you ate from the master the amish
the god almighty the king of the
universe
it's his food
thank praise and bless
to the one who says there should be a
world
meaning to god and this is the way he
taught them
and this was the ultimate purpose of
avron doing hesed
with the arabs
he wasn't doing hasset because by nature
he had
hesit him rather
bring them closer to almighty god
so this is the rapper's point to us that
when we do hesed
it should be a a mind-oriented hasset
so therefore if you realize and this is
important sometimes
someone right now doesn't you could you
could look at him and say he doesn't
deserve to have the reset
you know he's self-destructive or i
don't know whatever the reason is but if
you look at the person down the road
and you see that by you helping him now
it will give them a boost he'll make him
his self-esteem feel better
he'll get on his own two feet and he'll
start working he'll start developing and
it'd be a mention all that
so you put aside what
you naturally would not do and you do so
it works both ways
in other words mind over matter may have
character level when it comes to hazard
doesn't mean
always to not give or give in
in a limited way in a particular way
it could also mean to give to someone
who doesn't deserve
because you understand to figure it out
that through doing this
it it'll help him get on his feet um
i told over the story uh i met someone
in
in the show farah sukis who i hadn't
seen
probably 45 years when i was growing up
in in here and my father
had a business partner they had a um
medallions their taxi at that time the
1970s for those that
were around or remember uh there was a
lot of uh
rough rough stuff going on and and and
never killings murders they were
shooting taxi drivers it was very very
rough and tough
uh in fact one of the gentlemen in our
school
who was such a fine person and uh
he learned from the babaji yeshiva by
the previous rabbit
in 1979 he was murdered smith 9th street
uh
over there rahman islam so it was a very
tough time
my father had a few dollars from the
work that he did in the 60s that he
worked hard
so he his friend suggested that it's you
can
buy a medallion now and this is early
70s and it's a good business
and you make nicely and he did that
and then he then he heard his friend
said that
the city the mayor whoever came out and
said that if you
they'll give you two for one they'll
give you two medallions for one
because they want to have more drivers
in the street and this was a
but you have to set up a corporation
a business a partnership so
pumped exactly that time in shul came in
a father with three sons
in our borough pakistan our little
stable
and everyone said shalom alaikum today
man welcome and you know and all that
and uh you know they didn't have work
and they were broken they came from
merchants rome they were
in bronx for 10 years it wasn't a great
situation
my father went over to the oldest one
and and and
as spoke him and said do you have work
he said no i don't have work
so my father said would you like to work
he said sure someone says you have a few
dollars
you have some money he says i have a
little not a lot my father says okay
listen i need a partner to form a
corporation to
to be able to you put in whatever money
you have
i will front you the rest of the money
talking about quite a bit of money
even then to buy a medallion was
expensive
i will front you um the money and you'll
pay me back as you make
and he did that and my father put him on
his feet
i see the picture how these guys came at
the show like it's just here today it's
it's 50 years later but i still remember
you know and and
it was so broken you know such a hard
time and
he put him he gave him he gave him a job
and then ultimately he walked him down
the hook of my mother a blessed memory
and
my father walked him down with his wife
and then he became his wife who was an
american said enough of the taxis it's
dangerous
so they bro they broke the partnership a
few years later and it stopped
and uh he became a uh special uh a
teacher in the public school for special
needs students and today he has
grandchildren in lakewood
learning and i i was it was like
never never would would i believe that
he
that he that he'd had such a beautiful
family with grandchildren when they told
him and and mention it it's like it's
like a a dream come true
what did it start from it started from
i mean i don't know what it started from
but there's no question my father
he had the he had the the foresight to
give him a job and the rambam writes you
know the rambam rights the greatest
seduct is to give someone a job
so we're learning here in the mimer will
learn the same that could over here
that's why i'm mentioning the story and
the idea
what are we learning we're learning over
here
that sometimes hesed
you say why should i help this person
the person is
self-destructive the person makes the
same mistakes and
you find all the reasons and good
justified reasons why not to help them
set what did we learn now you have to
look at the big picture
and you have to ask yourself how can i
do something for him
that will get him to feel good about
himself
and want to change and want to make a
difference
and if you think of it that way you help
him
so you're helping him because of what we
call here hillel the tackles
right because you look at the tacos
cafonas
you don't look at the hessed as it is
now in the practical way i give him a
check
i give him food i give him a bed you
look at the future
it's a very very important the could
this
that and i don't want to you know we
need to really if i bring about it
at great length you know having the
foresight to see a person
in in their very beginning and and see
them the way they're going to be
30 40 years down the road with the whole
mishpache
and develop you know that can only come
if you use your seiko
so that's what he's saying here that the
left the mind over the matter includes
also helping and giving hassan
when it's not one not not not warranted
or even
it makes no sense
let's continue isa where they're like
almost the last line of 33
now on the last line avraham a
metabolism even
tells us the story of avraham the
following way
that avraham received the passer buyers
misha
youth next page 35
when they were eating the drinking hey
guys
bench bless oh my lord they said
what should we say it's like we can't
imagine this but
we're just here for ourselves we eat we
sleep there's an expression in yiddish
millet left means we live men left we
live
we live a piggish day it's it's a
yiddish expression meaning
we live it up we party you don't care
we're here what's good what we're only
living for today
right so malaya they say
you gave us food we feel great we're
ready to go back out
ma neymar um look what he said the
mattress says
said to them
i want you to say blessed is god
of the world
which we have eaten your vitamin of his
so there is a god creator
which they didn't know there is and he's
telling them and he says
say thank you to this creator bless him
in kabbalah if
the the the the arab who visited the
tent
the restaurant
he ate and drank and he went in other
words you don't have to pay your bill
you get it you get um you get a free
a free bill
but what if they said sorry abraham
you're not my rabbi you're not my
teacher you're not my
uh or the imams whatever
you're not my boss sabram said no
problem
here's your bill
and he said to him
they said how much is it so he said for
this you pay
one seat it's a certain amount of money
it says in the peter it's a certain
worth of of an item
wine you ate wine you drank wine but
you'd boil it in
another amount of money min third
after the parentheses the hardly for the
clay for you ate
a piece of meat i gave you a good steak
a good rib steak or whatever
so you pay be you'd peel it in
but a piece of bread
but you'd probably the bottom line is he
gave him a good bill
for eating in the avrom's desert
restaurant there's nothing else around
you pay high price retail
man said to them he explained
who's going to give you wine in the
desert this is all aramaic
manure of clay who's going to give you
meat in the desert
who's going to give you uh
the the bread and the in the in the
middle
the great problem he doesn't have the
money
wow what a bill i ate at the fancy
manhattan
kosher restaurant so a major lawyer
and i and abram said no you're not
you're not leaving here you have to pay
your bill
however omar he conceded and he said
blessed is hashem
so here's the question so this is the
version of the measure it's the same
idea before
was i from a black male or was he into
no this is what the mime is saying
what's the mime is saying
that avraham's hesed was
driven by moah maya tala leif
this is not blackmail this is authentic
acid that's the point of the mimer
that's the way siddha sees it
okay if avrom would have not believed
yoni that
that um that
monotheism is important and everyone
needs to come to that recognition
he never would have told them to pay he
would never told him to
why because he wouldn't have told him to
bless to thank hashem to recognize the
creator
but because his entire
restaurant was made for one purpose
what was the purpose joining his sin to
spread monotheism
so if you come to the restaurant and
you're against monotheism
it's not for you and if you eat here you
have to pay
so this opens for us also another
another
general thought to think about as we go
into shabbos
and that is and that is the following
why do i want let's say orgrim at my
table
why do i want to have guests at my table
now you'll ask probably the average
person ourselves included because it
makes a nice shabbos table
okay now are you doing it ask yourself
are you doing it because
you want you or your family or your kids
want to get something out of it or are
you doing it because
the need needs it and and and
and can benefit from being shashab's
table
and that's genuine that's
wrong didn't make restaurants he wasn't
in the restaurant business
avrom was in the business of teaching
monophysim and the way to teach
monotheism
one of the ways is opening a restaurant
in the desert
it reminds me when i lived in los
angeles from 92 to 96
i opened on beverly boulevard which is
in the fairfax area
going towards beverly hills
it was a very hip area there was a lot
of you know
shoots and modeling and movies that you
know cbs is down the road
and um i saw this place for rent and it
was a storefront to the street
and i said that would be a great spot to
make a disguised chabad house
and i'm not going to call it house and i
didn't
you know what i called it cafe schmooze
and i had in one year
six thousand unit people walked through
the door
that means not necessarily six thousand
different people but 6 000
people some of which were the same
repetitive customers
come and what did i do
i didn't have a minion there shabbos i
i had basically i i oh so first
i i was going to design it you know
based on my good brooklyn
uh knowledge which is not uh not los
angeles
so there were a group of college
students who i said i need your help
they said rabbi we'll help you but you
have to let us design it if you don't
let us design it we're not helping you
so i said fine i mean i paid you know i
raised the money to pay for the items
and we got a bar thing with stools and
and pink carpet and then they and then
they they
they painted the place dark green and
banana yellow
you know and this this for me you know
was blew my
it's like it's what's going on here you
know
you know to me it felt like a bar in
soho or something you know
in the village you know what's going on
with dark lights and who knows what's
going on
anyway but i gave my words i didn't back
out
and because of what they did it drew
people
and what's a shabbos we used to have
entertainment night which was usually
kosher
jewish music i wasn't going to you know
i
as long as the jewish music and a male
singing
you could play whatever you want i
wasn't gonna you know tell them
and one monster shabbos i even got
peter himmelman bob dylan's son-in-law
to play there you couldn't walk through
the door
i remember you could not walk through
the door people were lined up outside
so that was monster shabbos sunday night
i did lectures for
seniors eye glasses
life insurance vitamins i remember i had
this vitamin guru a jewish guy forget
his name now
he came and it drew and then
i remember i had uh there was a
documentary called a stranger among us i
don't know if you saw or heard about it
it was about uh a hussit who fell in
love with a girl
you know a whole story and the girl i
think wasn't jewish
so this guy he was a flat he learned to
flap ushishibayoni here i think he was a
graduate orphan this guy modern orthodox
robert avrick i hope he's well i
remember him like today
and and and robert invited me to the to
burbank to the studios to
uh warner brothers studios to get a
private screening because i told him i
cannot
allow if i don't know what i'm what it
is because you know hollywood has all
kinds of scenes
i just can't give you a card plunge i
have she said no problem i'll give you a
uh screening so i remember this was like
you know no one else was there it's like
plush fancy
anyway so i said fine after i saw it
a woman she might this was sunday night
this she must have been probably in her
70s she got up and in her
european english video she said
get out of here you're bringing in
assimilation get out of here what are
you doing
in a jewish neighborhood
i remember so that was sunday night
and um during the week between my wife
and
uh another woman a fine woman uh we had
several hours like a cafe sandwiches
a cake coffee tea uh this was uh
some hours during the day and in the
evening
now i i looking back this was uh from
probably 92 to 94 so
something like that 91 to 93 forget
exactly the years uh
several years then later what happened
as i moved it to what i thought would be
a real smash was
a former night club on melrose avenue on
the second floor
and this was four times the size i think
less
money and i had the acoustics and i had
equipment the club
left so i thought i could bring here you
know the biggest um
stars to sing and and i'll get a
thousand people
melrose avenue kept people away which is
an interesting lesson today crystal was
on the second floor not a first floor
so that was a very big lesson for me
people even going up
no but mostly this melrose avenue at the
time announced the day
it was you know disgusting we'll leave
it at that
okay and and even though to cross
from the the yeshiva area to where the
shores were the
the cabachos the licorice rules you had
to cross over melrose
but that was a fast cross and you went
you didn't look you to your right you
didn't look to your left
but us sitting there it it just didn't
draw people very uncomfortable and
so then i just closed it but when we
were on beverly we're very much sliach
but but what's my point
i'm into making cafes crying dolphins is
an entrepreneur making cafes come on
no my cavanaugh is
reaching people so this was a niche i
thought
would be very good and i remember robert
kunin and cuna's son they called me
mandy cunanan
he was high you know we're friends he
says
how do i get these people how do i do
the same thing in in in westwood
i would love to do such a thing at the
chabad house and at ucla
and and pack the house you know so
it was a great idea and i still i still
think it's a great idea let's say a tel
aviv can do
you have to be in certain locales where
it's very hip
you know you can't you know uh maybe
your jawline could do it i'm not sure
but television could do it you know you
have to be in certain areas
but the point is we're not not going
into the business that will lead for
another part the time
then the kudu is that the kavanaugh of
the purpose and intent was
was not the coffee and the and the
singing
no that what the kabbalah was to reach
people
and that's what he's saying here in the
mimer of rome's purpose
and his hesed was driven avi by a
kavanagh
by a purpose let's just read the last
line the thing called amigos
so it's true not only with it
you want to give your your child you
need feelings to give them a patch
you have to weigh that patch i'm talking
to myself
you know my now i'm not you know with my
kids well you know and it's hard because
you're an emotional
is that patch gonna be of service
yes or no you want to be the
disciplinarian
they all have to be based on the sacral
maya mind over matter
very clear that that the the the rabbi
ashab here in qut
follows his great grandfather as the
alta rebels shita
of my character life we learned the
kitsu and
hashem when we uh
learn on sunday now any any comments or
questions kevin
rob i just want to apologize next week
i'm in a training for most of the week
so i probably won't be around much so
okay
okay i'll do my best to kind of keep up
with this right
right and also hillel it's online or on
my website all the
urim so you can always listen to them
okay
um moshe
did you uh did you get the information
for uh
for the kazara if you want
yeah yes yes
you said get the information in terms of
the uh yeah i got it
okay i just want to make sure yeah yeah
but yeah it's it's
it's it's on your site it's on my side
but on two places either you can go to
the youtube
my or you i think my daughter said she
hooked it up to my
my website rabbitdolphin.com so i think
both
yes avi probably
okay good are you continuing now
no i'm listening to avi yeah yeah so
we're reading all of these things
and it's very nice abraham is sitting by
his tent
and he's rambling over the shaft the
word over
the shove in and of itself gives a sense
of the essence of these people
it's not that they're looking for
spirituality they're passing by
and they grab a meal good
what is the efficacy what is the
efficiency
of doing this because it says
those souls but then there's no
there's no continuation of this who do
we see
that we know we could say three
generations later
became yeshua three generations later
but
they seem to like fade into
obscurity and even avram himself
he winds up having yes he has yet but he
has ishmael
and and and yitzhak has yaakov but he
also has asa
right so like maybe
your facility that you had the cafe
which was more of a hangout place was a
more efficient thing than just grabbing
a passerby who's passing by
and and you you must have had returnees
come to your cafe yeah but but but
okay so i i hear your point avi but just
like i've run
had a um a one-time stand with
with a passer by right they come in
they're going on they're not returning
they're not going back the same way
coming back tomorrow for another meal
right whatever so too maybe some did
come back but
you know it was really i didn't get a
chance to dialogue with people
it was you know they came for uh an hour
or two of entertainment
and they left and they didn't many times
i wasn't there and if i was there they
didn't even
so there wasn't you know i wanted them
to be expo
i had oh i didn't say the other part i
had a library of books
and and you know and i had jewish tapes
so in other words
my idea was that if they want to know
about yiddish guy do they want a safer
or a book or how to speak to a rabbi
or they heard the announcement that
there'll be some classes during the week
you know but in a way it was also
a past it was like by avrom so um so
the efficacy that you're saying is uh
you're right
you're right you're right in that it
wasn't
and avoid the premiums where you took a
person you sat with him and learned and
developed him
to come to understand what god is no no
that didn't happen at the time
unless they dial up which it doesn't say
they did right
so in my case too it didn't happen
because they they
that's not that wasn't a venue but
from avraham's point and from my point
and the what i'm
suggesting that the rebel is saying the
rashaba is we have to set it up
to give over a message of con
of content and question and and that has
meaning and purpose so that when the
recipient will get it one day the
recipient
might say i want more he'll know where
to go or it'll say
oh that's what avraham meant
yes avi so so you're
working on two planes three planes
first of all the shotgun approach you
hope that one bullet is going to hit
somebody the second is that you're
sensitizing people
to the concept even if they're not
buying it right away
and you're planting a seed that maybe
maybe one day
in a person will flourish correct
correct
well said well said well said which
which is in a way like what what else
can you do i mean of course
uh you could you could say come back
every day but he says i'm going off to
another city
i'm saying some many times and and then
there are people who are not interested
on the contrary
if you tell them too much they don't
want to come
i didn't come here for a lecture rabbi i
came here to hear
jewish music and drink a coffee and talk
to girls
that's it that's what i want to do is
what this is
that is the best of a garnish but but
what they sustain from csy
okay as long as it's kosher
it's good but again the nakuda is
i want to make sure we don't lose the
you know we get that the facet that
we're doing
has a has an orientation of with a cavan
and a purpose
that that's the point you know that's
the point
i mean this is an age-old issue debate
in a way like
how do you you know with balichuva
people coming in
and going out you know you bring them in
and you get them all high and started
right and then there's no follow-up i
mean you guys have heard that argument
and
what follow up follow-up okay
and it's an issue but for that you need
other personnel you know it's so easy i
remember in khabarovs work
when i did that type of work this was a
constant issue with that we discussed my
friends and i
and yeah it's very easy to say that no
who's paying for the gentleman to be
there with his wife and family
to be able to teach oh so you need
another sound what yes
excuse me i just want to jump in you
know i think though it's i think it's
but it's it's
it's deeper at that and deeper than that
and there's
there's more than multiple levels for
example
in the
[Music]
in beijing china right yeah they have
a very large number of people that come
through the friday night dinner shabbos
dinner
every week but it but and she said
though she said she might only see that
person
once that person might only walk in
there once
that's it and she has that one
opportunity
to just simply make a kiddish hashem and
to simply give
to that person a shabbos environment
right
it's very very different than the than
the shaliach in des moines iowa
who is who has a you know been building
a a community
people they're not transient like in
beijing
it's very very different and why do i
say des moines because des moines iowa
was a place
that a number a number of years ago a
lit for chicago decided to come in and
set up shop
and it did this interestingly enough i
don't think it stayed
because the different ways of working
and i'm just saying avi it's not there's
different places
forget there's different places there
are different needs there's different
different
different types of people and what i'm
just saying is that
i think it's really important that rabbi
dolphin is discussing
the whole concept of just make plays for
like
it's like you know it reminds me like
when when um
when what's his name who is the famous
person i think was in manchester i'm not
sure
he went into the rabbit and he was had
this whole idea of making like a whole
uh kosher milk plan he was gonna
at that particular university and he
wanted to start having learning and so
and the red is said them not so fast not
so much
i just wanted to babysit them i want you
to have a place
where a jewish boy can come in and eat
kosher food and sit down next to her
next to a jewish girl
you know so okay i'm just you know i'm
just saying like there's
there's there's there's you know there's
a there's a time and
right every environment is different
right right okay but but but
regardless of every environment being
different there needs to be the maya
live direction you know
it should be thought out it should be a
thought out plan
which will benefit the person
on some level on some level and not just
it makes me feel good you know what i'm
saying sometimes
sometimes we do things sometimes we do
even good things but it's all about me
it's all about us you know and and like
mannis friedman
would say i remember you would say it's
your wife's birthday and
and you want to bring her something and
and you bring her something and she says
thank you but
kind of you know that you know this is
not
it's like is it about you because you
like this item
it reminds me when my wife and i have to
be married we went we were we stopped
through california because they had
friends there they made a shovel
breakfast
so i took her to disney disney world
disney and you know it didn't really
mean much to her but it was my trip it
was my stick it was my stick
i said i thought i'm going to impress
her with disney and not that i was into
disney but everyone
talks about disney in anaheim so what
more can i give a girl from australia
than taking her to disney in halftime
and treating her and dying
whining and dining her and it was and it
was meaningless for her
you know you know i'm not saying she
hated it but it it didn't
it didn't accomplish what i thought it
would accomplish why
because it was about me not about her
right and and and and you know it's a
it's in the kuda that we
sometimes we overlook we overlook
you have to really assess what does the
what's best for the other person guys i
have another
zeitgeist take care have a great shabbos
yes it's shabbos and the famous word of
the summertime
the famous vartes v mestelte
v meshtel the way you
place yourself hold yourself on shabbos
so goes the rest of the year so
make the best of it learn for brain
don't waste time sleeping
and hugging your pillow less sleeping
more learning
and more for bringing with your family
and friends have a great job
bye-bye