What's a Farbrengen? Informal Chasidic Group Therapy - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

the rabbi's father of explain exactly and I are good friends from way back in Yeshiva I think slay my was here probably 25 years ago the last time I was here I don't know if you remember I was at your old school I guess wow and uh of operation is what I call an informal Hasidic therapy session [Laughter] very good now I don't know if Dr Creighton agrees but if I bring him is really it's a time when you allow yourself to go inside and to be open with your feelings now frankly you know for most people it takes a little lucayum okay but that's not where it's at where it's at is I want to open up my heart I want to talk for my heart we talk mostly from here from here if we're talking normally at all it's from here you ever talk from your heart and I don't mean you know oh I love you and I care for you yeah that's also from the heart I'm talking about when you have an argument but you have an argument with your spouse do you talk from your heart and it gets hard right just this morning I parked outside of um JFK my wife didn't want me to park there because it's a private street so I said let me ask if parking is allowed and there's no alternate Street partners and it is coming back tomorrow so what's the big deal now argument disagreement how do you deal with it nothing I'm not ashamed of it because I think now I think we need to embrace these discussions let me ask you a question in this case I got because I had the keys to the car although she almost didn't go into the Uber because we daily had to take an Uber to the terminal but anyway this is this you have two people okay I'm going to tell you something that Floyd May I'm sure flame had the same experience we used to go out to Manhattan Fifth Avenue 6th Avenue 47th Street 50th Street and ask people would you like to put on two you know you heard the chabaddings do that right well slay my did the same thing when we were kids when we were teenagers okay and and uh I had two different types of responses it's Midtown Manhattan you know what that is right yeah thousands of people they're in the street it's lunchtime I'm alive they're running they're they're business meeting the park the office and it's happening would you like to put on to them one guy looks at me and he says have a nice day have a nice day it goes the phylacteries that the Jewish boys from the age of 13 put on every day except the Shoppers and holidays anyway I stopped someone else sir how are you fine would you like to put on thrilling and he says that's archaic oh that's stupid that's antiquated that's ridiculous get a life now here's my question to you which of these two people is closer to God the one that tells me to have a nice day or the one who looks at me smiles and doesn't say a word and just continues walking closer to Judaism which of these two people sorry the head have a nice day right wrong wrong have a nice day has apathy apathy you don't exist in his eyes I don't exist in his eyes he doesn't even have the decency to argue with me he's too busy running and the other one something's bothering him you know we Jews we look for a good fight and if you're not you don't have a good fight you're not in the ball you're not in the in the in the ring I love a good fight you go ahead tell me why why and when you start talking and when you start arguing and when you start hugging and you start by bringing and that's what a fabrina is of our bringing is when you get involved and you argue it out and you cry it out and you laugh it out and you sing it out it's energy energy apathy and give us the words count kite or Another Universe the man is the woman is frozen they don't care they're so fire that they don't care they're in their own world someone when something bothers them and it doesn't feel right so they're always coming back to it and why why do my parents do this and why do my kids do this and why did my employer do this in other words it can't sit still it's built yeah but the spilk is our good spill kiss these are spookers that motivate you they get you to move and this is fantastic this is one of her brains and naturally takes time it doesn't happen you know from an hour we used to for bringing a sheep of four or five six hours hours sitting together and guess what some guys used to give it to me they rubbed it in heavy they rubbed it in and I was waiting for it I was waiting for a week to get the sets right it's like once I went over to one of my rabbis in Yeshiva and I said I have this pride in this ego I can't get rid of it it drives me nuts but I have it and I was a very good student and you know I thought I was the top of the game and I wasn't the top of the game that I thought I was right but I walk around with this inside pride and ego so I go to my teacher my mashpia my spiritual mentor and I say give me advice so he says find yourself one guy one student in the Yeshiva who's going to give you Musser Mr means he's gonna blow y'all cursed out scold you and tell you you think you're so great your character is shoddy you know with all your learning and all your knowledge you know you need Improvement here and there so don't find yourself someone who's going to give you a Pat in the back and say hey hey Jack hey hey hey hey Carol oh you're the best you're the best I had a guy like that in Brooklyn he was Rabbi you're the best I don't want to hand ride by you the best I don't need you to tell me Rabbi I'm the best you know it already I know it already and I want to know how it can become better there you go how can I become better the truth is as I get older I realize I am not the best and I've learned over my years 30 40 years in this field that I truly know now I am not the best really I'm not the best and you know how I learned that from people like yourselves not from slave and rabbis I didn't learn from rabbis I learned that from people like yourselves congregants uh supporters friends because they didn't come from where I came from they didn't go to Yeshiva and I would sit and learn with them and talk to them and they had much to teach me and I said you know they're right and it's still it's still a work in progress It's still a work in progress until one returns their soul to God Almighty it's a work and promise but that's what a fabranging is so what label said tell them what if our brain it is that's what a fibranion is very good now have you how about