vyadata #9-Control vs Obliteration of unhealthy indulgences - Diff bet N Habanis & Y Hara

that's the story okay let's learn so let's just continue because we're middle we're talking about the advaita hyung that you've got to take the hayoim and make of night and day that that that makes the indict then we also learned about the nephesh the two hearts are yet aviation are opposites one from the other and by bringing off hillary what off are we on moshe what the hell are we on i i don't have the book page we're on page 211 uh about two-thirds of the way down okay thank you right after right after the number 36. what's the words you have a set what's the word okay hold on okay but the last return we say return to someone who was outside he left what they call today otd right off the derrick and and he comes back she asks if he also you shouldn't come back to your first original place he left that's where you left from so the question is what do you mean the yates is an agent of god of hashem so what do you mean i left god i'm always doing what god wants either i'm doing what god wants in a healthy way or an unhealthy way that's his question any answers we once discussed that the eight sahara is already an inclination it's a a course a pro a coarseness that's called see or hara why should the word cedar is like a painting an image seer the eight sahara is ready has an image of form just briefly this is very important when you learn the difference between because you weren't at the classes of several years ago so i mean what's the difference between the nepheshabamis and the yates of horror generally you ask a person oh they're the same this is the this is language and tomorrow this is the language that's not that's not true is what i call the drive what drives the person the yetzer hara is has already taken a form of bad an inclination of bad so the nephew bomb is is not in any way bad the nephew shall promise is neutrality gone wrong so therefore what we're looking to do is to save the nepheshabamis the yatzahara we want to eliminate transform because once something has become a form an image of bad you don't want to mess with it if you know that there's a bad situation either stay away or convert it to transform it don't try to negotiate because you're going to fail because you know a half of these palestinians these these people who who want to do bad to us right all negotiations is a waste of time okay you're talking to to some someone that even if they wanted to help themselves i don't i'm not saying oh i'm not going you know i'm just saying the bad ones they can't help themselves i was last night here i'm sitting next to someone who's my age an old friend and his life has been turned upside down i don't want to go into details because it's private and my heart go and i i i you know i'm sitting on fabrega and it was a real ishmael with a good name and and and i spoke about different things and i some of the things i was really talking to my friend it's like at 60 years old get over it it's time to let go how long we gonna hold on to grievances this guy did this to me this guy just did to me and i would this blame game the yetzer harder is a blame game the nefer shot bombings has a chance because the nephesh obama is in its very core essence is neutrality so what's our job to take the the passion of the nepheshabamis and use it for hashem okay that's the objective the objective is not to take the yates or horror and deal with it let's the truth is what is the real deep deeper perspective of the yetzer hutter it's to prove that a person's good part good side can overpower it and can subject it the desire of kaddish the holy saiya brings the muscle of the king who wanted to see if his son is loyal hillary you should remember this from tanya he doesn't give you the full muscle he doesn't give you the graphics picture picture how do you know if the king's son is loyal i told you the other day who bought them only when you go away do you really know if your kid listens to you how do you know if this is the case so hashem says listen the son goes away far away he doesn't know if he's being loyal to to the father so he hires a prostitute a zoina the zayna hires a second prostitute the second one hires a third and a fourth and fifth you know why because the tenth zona the tenth prostitute she doesn't know that that that until her they were all hired guns to test the sun if he's loyal so she does her job she's really interested in enticing this guy but what's the objective over here that the father had to see if my son is really loyal the same was with the with the it's a harder the image that wants to see how loyal we are talking so he sets up a scheme almost one second on my he sets up a scheme and the scheme is the yates of hara to make issues for the aids of tafe the objective of which is that the yates or tayyips should shine and be bright and be valdic great with withstanding all of the temptations yes my shoe yeah i can't help but just go right to when we read [Music] and then there's a comma which is the same word and whereas the first three words are to basically like break and destroy but this is akama separation and then the is to transform now to subjugate wrong is not transformed sachnia means to subjugate the control what's the difference the difference is whether you break shatter destroy or you just control breaking the shattering is breaking the shattering destroying yeah yeah i'm saying okay is controlling not transforming transforming is what we call hasidism is more iscafia but i'm i'm very curious what made you just bring what made you say this because you saw the word versace yeah well let me let me share something with you which i believe you you must know do you know why there's a comma over there yeah that's exactly yeah because you're supposed to make a break yeah because the first three are connected to the three clippers there's creepers [Applause] and the first step to neutrality is control the situation you know you're on diet decay comes in front of you walk away don't look at it control yourself a greater idea is you can sit there and not eat in other words at that time you've transformed that you're able to deal with the issues in front of your eyes and you and it doesn't fathom you but that's a higher and more complicated process and i'm sure hillary had that in in psychology and you know in that type of work so but but the point is so the rabbit's point is that my memory is and you see sarah what is the word luck of me to bend right kriya it doesn't say here to transform it because the the work of transforming is much harder than the work of controlling let's continue and the source of the sahara is from the um the excrement of kadush as we explain later on he questioned the language to return to god to loving god it's through the avoid the chapel and bit like it's a horror by by annoying the yates sahara and refined in africa bombings you see see when he says the language here beethoven that's like destroying the yates of hara and when it come and he used the word yates or hara and then when it comes to nefer's obama she doesn't use the word beetle he says beerus refinement um that's what i told you earlier because for the left obama's journey you want to save it you don't want to destroy it you know the passion like last time but passion passion is a good thing but it has to be in the right place the eight sahara is a bad thing get rid of it no negotiations continued as i would shovel in the plate of and when we do that we return to the real source which is in holiness in the the beginning of this activity a wall of stones the shikhasaka beach that's very strong it's in the shabra and you need to break it they have a kia hari shiner when you give the first sets in the wall shaytan but parrots you make a a breach in the wall how is it the cooler the entire wall now is weak then when you give the first sets even though the wall is still standing you've now weakened the overall wall this is the muscle yes i'm sorry i don't know where we are uh we're on page 10 or two eleven motion two seven two eleven in the third line from the bottom okay thank you okay [Music] fear and this is so true you know you see this it's like it's so real through the first if you can make the first step by controlling yourself that's called clear shoulder doesn't mean it eliminates it and it's so true you know i get to speak about dieting you know well throughout my life i've had these you know periods of dying not dieting if i can get if once i begin dieting and i succeed in the beginning i go but the hard step is to get to the beginning the first time the yates are hot is the clear you know control yourself control your eyes the first time is the hardest but once you start you're on a you're on you know you're on a path so we call the kv the subjugation the overall the way this idea expressed itself with the nefesh obama is to the way expressed itself in the aids obama's has a great passion in one of the two following ways one imshub shall have his barrier case whether it be burning like a burning fire i shall be taken or very cold very apathetic both are [Applause] symptoms you understand of the of the yates of the neferja bombings in other words stubbornness you know that expression quiet but deadly stubbornness is a real nervous abamus if it's used in an unhealthy way but you're not what apathy same thing apathy yiddish cow kite i don't care do whatever it is leave me alone bug off you don't curse out the person you don't argue you don't say what you're doing is ridiculous and stupid and no it's for you not for me cult kite look looking in there she says heart i love it hard and cold hard-headed and cold the heckler gumball was a com with a with a complete resolution yeah masha year as a zoyo nithanders you make a resolution this is the way it will be and no other way so you have that in the good and you have it in the bed in other words sometimes a person is understands that they should lead a different lifestyle they should make changes and they go into a stubborn mood and they become heart and cult hard and cold and they just don't care just don't care says that take this hard and cold attitude or this passionate attitude for no good things and use it for the for a burning desire to learn tayden do mistress or and darwin and go ahead but i know attempts tarkinville he says in yiddish this strong will was thou says which is the entire essence of the deputies of he um transports it to the study of tata and serving hashem in other words he uses his stubbornness he uses his co coldness hashem hey i'm not going to get excited to do studio i'm going to be if i'm a cold type of person i'm going to be reserved and continue doing what i need to do for hashem so then the person is using the stubbornness and the apathy for avoid this session you fellow and the same is true for the passion the same passion that he has for nara's kite he now uses for hashem khaleesha's clowning it says that there when you do this you cause a general weakness in the very core essence of the of the animal drive what is the essence someone says what's the mohus mahu of the nephisha bahamas nephesh ha bahamas an animal soul so what's its core core essence animal advocacy but when you take this core animal within yourself and you use it bin you wanna avoid the potato with three of kia mitzvah's playoff khaleesha's muharram what do you do you accomplished that the nefesh ah promise is shook up and once it shook up he'll i don't know if you heard the muscle doctor that began before it's like breaching the wall the first breach you're having the word the wall hasn't fallen yet but you weakened the whole world because you gave a zest to the wall and one one stone got loose all of a sudden it's just a matter of time before it all crumbles and crushes and falls that's right so says that but the same thing it's the the first step the first step and this is very familiar for for us you know in raising children and family and then life the first step is the hardest step to dip your feet into hot water or cold water before you go into a boiling hot mix that's the hardest once you're able to get your feet in the rest pretty much goes okay it reminds me when i was in budapest on my way to taharic so and then on to oman so we went to uh in budapest they have these pools so they they have like hot pools yes right hot pads ones if you go from the hot to the cold from the freezing from the ice it's like but it's smallish like reminds me now of what we're learning now because it's it's regulating your body regulate your body hot to the cold and somehow it all works out even though it's very hot and very cold but it regulates itself right and it works out because hashem you're here talking about um this was all an explanation had a deal with the nepheshabamis and proving to us hillel that the nefeshabamis is not bad it's just messed up mixed up so reoriented re-educated but the gates the the subjugation of yates moshe smarget is no negotiations you know we learn we live i think i've told you this in a pc world of rum what's a pc world what do you think well it's not political correct i imagine right but we live in this pc world if you say something that's not exactly what should be said and how right away you're labeled last yesterday during the day one of my fabregas was with seminary girls 20 probably 19 20 year old girls from the chabad seminary here not all habatics but they came to the seminary so certain things that you know i'm used to talking to guys you know so i'm a little more free but girls you gotta talk a different way with women especially young you know young ladies so the rabbi who brought me to speak he says just say it i said okay but it's you telling me to say it so i was able to speak freely but normally you have to be so guarded because you say one word that's wrong that you can be accused of of this and that years ago a shleak a friend and a real from guy i know he is he had counselors by him for camp and one of them needed a ride home or whatever needed a ride so there was a shmura that he he's he's he's playing around with a girl because she was in the back and he was driving her do you understand you can't get out of it and the same is sometimes you meet someone and you talk to them in the street a female the next thing you know oh he's he's a womanizing this per this this lady i'm just saying that the the pc world has become so cooped that you can barely move i have a friend a lawyer a washington dc lawyer we learn together and he tells me how the legal field has changed completely and basically he wants out and he's nearing retirement he says you can't imagine how careful i have to be in my office with a secretary coming in it's like it's it's become unbearable now the reason for all these things is because we've had so many issues but the truth be said a hundred years ago you didn't have these issues with abraham lincoln a hundred years ago you didn't have womenizing issues come on call of spade a spade we we can go name by name but for some reason now it's become the me too generation and i'm not justifying what was done tell you a story of going off for the story did i tell you this already on our slime car box yard was on friday this year and i uh i spoke about him you know briefly and for his neshama the week after i get i get a call from someone in australia someone who we know and a very fine guy but very froome like a fanatic you know uncertain and he says you you you you have no rights speaking about flamma kyle look that way i said why not because maybe there's a woman out there who will be listening to your clip and you talking about positive about if she was abused by him therefore i am contributing to her pain and why would you want to do that so first i said i'm going to check with the rev okay you know because i have a different opinion but who am i who are you i'm gonna go to a rough let's see what the tyrant says also ralph was a professional who has knowledge in these things and and they said i was right you know i said to him i brought a booker carl bach i researched and i spoke to some of the women who came out in that 1997 lilith magazine accusing him of different things i confronted them on the phone numerous of them and my conclusion is that there was no abuse it was consensual whatever was going on okay and i can give you story after story from people who were involved and it's clear to me so i don't agree with your basis and premise that there was abuse here there wasn't abuse and anyway but i said let me ask i spoke to the rev and a few of them and and they said that i have all the right to speak positively online about someone and if someone gets hurt what should i do i in other words i i feel for their pain there's another issue now you know the no-run 770. next week is hanukkah they have a beautiful menorah that's made like the rambas manor the rambam's right there's a woman now in eretz israel i think yerushalayim hired a lawyer and is suing the estate of the menorah to have it burned why because she says the one who made the the menorah abused her 30 40 years ago in crown heights when she was a little girl uh could you imagine she hired a lawyer i mean i can't see her winning the case what's the rest but my my point is and i understand this listen there's a lot of pain and i'm not justifying it don't get me wrong why am i saying this i'm saying this what i just want to say um that i really appreciate what you're saying about rep because i you know i was a therapist in in the karlbach community for for a long time and i heard a number of the grievances but i never heard anybody say this specific thing happened to me and i had heard that with many other circuit situations so it was very it was very uh uh difficult to to sort through and so on and so i'm glad you came to a sort of similar conclusion that i did yeah but that really yeah but but again you know who am i but yes my research points to what i just said and i really mean it you know you know and knowing that knowing him he would not abuse okay now the question today is what's considered abuse so that you see that that so so it was done in you know in philly in chicago and in boston in the 1950s and 60s which was considered norm normal i mean i spoke to someone who was a real girlfriend of his i'm telling you and she opened up to me and i'm not going to share everything she told me because it's very private but she spoke to me she she was uh a friend of his for two three years it wasn't abuse she admitted to me she was interested in him so what do you want what do you want so then someone says well he would stay for concerts at homes and there were young girls there 14 15 i didn't speak you know if there is that i my researcher i heard from someone from someone who was a young girl in a in a camp and she was sitting on the lap of the counselors the girl counselors and if shleiman came to fi to lead a concert and you know and he starts playing and the place is hopping she told me this eight ten-year-old little girl today is already seventy and you you got some of you know who this is i wanna say a very respectful person and a trustworthy person she said to me my counselors were making were making out with them they were they were they were shaking their you know they wanted him in a front camp so don't tell me that they he abused this is a girl who was on the lap of the counselors as a 10 or 11 year old i forget how old and she says that come on and i saw this with markham mcdovet in 1975 in brooklyn college the first time you had a major concert i saw my own eyes i was 15 years old my i thought my parents you know my mother blessed memory wanted we should go where they're going to a concert it's halloween you gotta go you gotta go okay i'd rather have gone to a mex game i was a sports fan anyway we go i couldn't believe what i was seeing i i saw a guy a husset and he's swinging the way to the girls in the concert i remember i walked out of the concert i said to my father why did you take me here you know i was a yeshiva booker and it was a what are you bringing me to here but i saw this on my own listen he's a he's a changed man from mercury today he's like it's you know but i saw that so don't tell me that they are abused they wanted to you know to swing along and make along and play along and all that but the you know better than i halo that that what the kind of the category of abuse today is and all i'm saying is you can barely move because you look this way or that way do you know when generally when i speak to women especially younger women i take my glasses off one i don't want to see that i really don't want to see their faces because of ria you shouldn't and and number two i don't want anyone to to say i looked at them but in a certain way was which which which is inappropriate and the next thing they'll be i'll be in the newspaper i mean it's it's crazy yes maisha you wanted to say and then and then and then yeah my shirt i i hear everything you're saying i do want to make one comment that i think so i have a friend a close friend who's one of the like uh rosha heads of a seminary uh you know post a high school girls seminar insurance as well he told me years ago years ago they have a policy that if he needs to he he won't just take one of the students in a car if they need to go somewhere like he at a minimum he'll only take at a minimum three meaning they'll have to be three to get three there's he won't take one or two in the car three and i have to say i i mean this is a person he's very very a very straight guy he's very aware and i think that that's very wise absolutely absolutely you know i i remember there were times in in pachamesh when i was there and i you know i i used to take rides and i remember clearly once a woman stopped and and came in and gave and offered a ride so she was a you know looked like a very sneers woman and i went to the back but i was uncomfortable even though it was two little blocks from where i you stayed up to uh uh it was no big you know and was an old man and he became an upbeat he messed himself up at the end of his life it's a gemura no one could we you know anyone that can say i'm i'm strong and all that and got to be careful so much what you're saying is right now is what you're saying is right yeah again everything should be done in a respectful way in an able way without embarrassing um but this this um you know abuse issue is is really it it's it's very hard today because i mean i have i had a seminary with chile before we started and i closed it after a year because there was another similar seminary i didn't feel i have to do it but another reason is because i i felt that you know i had to i when i came sometimes i had to control and some of the girls were very very ambivalent and and argumentative and and i i saw that this is this might lead all i need is one girl to say rabbi dolphin hit me rabbi dolphin screamed at me rabbi dolphin abused me i mean i could end up in jail you know i said it's time to step step away walk away and we do know in seminaries and other places with rabbis men they've gotten themselves into some bit bad stuff whether it's true and not true it's really so it's a whole issue men teaching women you know and how you know i i i mentioned to hillel that monis friedman is here tonight in boca manas has been teaching women from 1971 or 72. it's amazing because i mean and and he really used to hang out at one two in the morning with with girls in minnesota at the skana and he really changed their lives and he's made hundreds and hundreds maybe thousands of belichiva entire family but it began with some things that a lot of rabbis would be very upset about you know can you imagine at 12 o'clock at night you're counseling a woman in a room by you by yourself it's it it's it doesn't it it doesn't sound it doesn't smell good but i i know that manas was above it but it looks so i i would think that today again he's not in baskana any any longer he works out of crown heights and travels but i would think today that uh he he probably wouldn't do the same thing because uh i don't think he would last he would fall you know just like have though this como fell who could believe that como mr new york his father these are the italians you know this is he he has everyone in their pocket and he fell he crumbled they got him it's a different world out there so going back to the my mirror delta debbie here talks about how careful one is to be and and what you should do with the nepheshobami's and what you should do with the eights of huda kevin i have to go now zai gazunt will learn tomorrow again take care bye bye thanks bye bye