Unconditional Love is the only way to bring people including family back to G-d - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

so welcome to another episode of the Dolphin Show Tanya Tanya chapter 46 one of the most amazing chapters because it's so relevant to us and today I'll answer the question that I asked yesterday Al take a look guys at the top of page s the beginning of the chapter he says quote is there's a straight path for man that's equivalent that's equal for all no difference whether you're great not great Russ everyone and it's very close to you not just once very but twice very very close to you to ones with an ey means to a to arouse with an olive and a he he is to illuminate the love that's that's that's deeply wedged in your heart so we had in the previous chapter 45 you turn back one page to page s the beginning of chapter 45 there the AL begins there is a right path a proper path before man but it doesn't say the cover and here in chapter 46 he does so the question is why so based on what yes yes yes he says do that mean or just un right now it means it means Yen it means Yen I mean we can extrapolate uh about the overall idea but not that there's a a doesn't have a so you know this is so refers right now to to to to uh to anyway so the question is why does he add this and remember the the the the wording is very much based on the mission statement of Tanya which is on the title page the Tanya came to address the issue of is near from the from right it's not far from you it's not across the sea the Torah is near you the AL says we need to understand how that is because seemingly for us what's near as G is material matter not spiritual not Rus not godliness so that was the overall mission statement of the Tanya over here when he employs in chapter 46 this language of it's also a reference back to what he said earlier so so all of this is answered the following way what is the abund that he what is the thought that he that he says here that's unique which we're in middle of and we're going to get to in a moment but at least we learned the mush of a great king Mel God ver right what's the look at Mel God ver it's smack in the middle of page s he says there's a a very Mel God a great king ver and and and doesn't it's not just a repetitious word but implying that not only is he great in his own sense but he has many U many subjects which make him greater because the subjects realize his greatness when he shows his his Great and Mighty and here look at the adjectives here to a simpleton who's disgusting the lowest of human of men number four another word for disgusting number five that that dwells and lies in filth I mean could you get any more descriptive about someone who is who's messed up now five different terms to explain how how messed up one can be one you might be and this me this great king who has subjects who recogniz his greatness look the next words he descends to him he doesn't bring him up to him first and say hey clean your up act up put on a shirt a clean shirt put on a tie put on pants and socks and come here like a man he doesn't say that he goes into thez the King goes into thez like Rabbi M he goes into the bars in in in in in Jerusalem over there with he goes into the bars to sleap out the souls so he lowers from his place of pre honor he doesn't just go himself he brings an Entourage he want he shows that he wants to show this simple disgusting fellow I love you so not only am I'm going to go myself I'm going to bring all the from Caren stol and mayure him with me okay it's hard to imagine but that's what it says here and then he picks him up he's in the bar and he picks him up he hugs him he first gets him out of thez the guy is smoking dope over there and and dancing with girls and somehow he pulls them to the side and he says put the cigarette aside put the dope aside and he puts his hand around him and he says I love you and you're a ye and come step outside with me for a moment right that's what it says here and then says let's go for a walk he says no no no no I want to go dance over there and and smoke up he says you'll do that later right now we got to go for a nice walk to air out and he brings him back to his his Palace he doesn't just take him in to the room of go riches and the room of art he goes all the way into his private quarters in the chambers m he goes to a place where no one even from his ministers and his servants can come in it's exclusive quarters and yet he sleps in the shle her into him and he unites with him with true closeness and hugging him embracing him and kissing him he attaches his very essence from his soul and his heart and soul to the person now you imagine that this is going on so the question is what was necessary for this to happen until this chapter 46 there was a prerequisite for this to happen and that was meditation now in his kabad ethos believes his Bon not his bed isolation as bre teach but rather his Bon meditation reflection is the necessary step to develop the relationship that was everything till chapter 46 in 46 he says that's not necessary it's not necessary because the love we're talking about here that's inherent in the Jew's heart is reciprocal automatically when the Jew feels that God loves me and this is the answer the answer to be to be M of every Jew every child every teenager everyone is show them that you really love them in your heart and if they sense that you love them they will love you and if they love you they'll improve in their behavior as well will it come overnight not necessarily that's and so so this this this method of chapter 46 is the method in the T that is for every one of us and that's why he says you can't say that if you tell someone first you meditate once you meditate then you'll understand about God and then you'll appreciate your fellow Jew that means there's a condition attached you can't call that close it's not close it requires meditation which requires study so you got to study so hey you have to be patient to study and listen number two you have to think about it meditate reflect number three you have to then Express so all these steps are are prerequisites and conditions that's not very close that's that's a job you know it's like come work for me but you have to do a b c d to get your paycheck it reminds me some uh someone was working for a wealthy person who gave him a job and he would come in 10 11 12 he would roll in after he daved and and the fellow saw that he's not producing what he needs but at the same time he didn't have parosa so he said to him you know what I'm going to buy I'm going to buy a store for you and and you man the store and make parosa that way and do me a favor leave this job cuz I need people here to be here at 9:00 in the morning and start working it was say Factory okay someone someone has their someone's not muted or something I don't know oh Mark anyway one second one second so Mark Mark mute yourself because we can hear you mark okay so the uh he this this this schlepper who was a good guy but he just couldn't get his act together and he was a holy guy was Ding and learning you know he has to now check in 9:00 he wants to dve until 11:00 so he said he had you know he had some he said to this wealthy owner he said a ESS which means you can't you don't have money enough to buy food for your family know he basically said to him what's your problem you know you're doing me a favor cuz I don't have now you want me to meet your conditions and if I don't meet your conditions you won't be able to eat tonight you'll be able to eat so leave me alone now in the business world this doesn't go of course and in the normal World it doesn't go and the bottom line is he did release him and he bought him a store and he made parosa from that store the rest of his life you know much of his life but why why did I think of it this story that I heard recently about this person is because when you when you attach strings good strings holy strings conditions there's still conditions and when you have a condition you're putting a you're putting a a burden on the person it's like I'm going to I'm going to spell it out so that's Crystal Clear it's like you say to your kid or your grandkid or your friend's kid or someone who comes to your house I'll let you stay here you know if you behave in accordance to the terms of my house now you have all the right to say that you have younger kids you have a family you know but at the same time understand that that is a condition and some will accept it and some will say bye-bye I don't need your favors the AL in chapter 46 introduces a new revolutionary way of loving every Jew and having that feeling and he says learn from Hashem Hashem made no conditions and he's we going to see soon and he took us out of of Egypt we were low lives we were immersed in in the in the Egyptian culture we didn't deserve to leave do do do we understand that we were no good I'm sorry we were no good we were worshiping Idols Hashem says you're my people and I love you and I don't care I'm gonna take you out that's what we're talking about unconditional love no conditions and that's the answer why it's why this love of chapter 46 of the like the reflection of of one's face on water which is automatic so is the heart so when when when so this is the this is the recipe you want to help yourself someone find within yourself the true love that you have for someone and that person will sense it and the person will reciprocate it doesn't mean to say they're going to start grow a child what like a yeah but yeah but like a parent in a child when the child is not doing what the parent wants a parent in a child the child does what the parent wants big deal talking about a child that doesn't do what the parent wants and a child who Rebels So when you say a parent and a child it depends what kind of parent to kind of child we're talking about when there's a Schism when there's a difference when there's argument when there's when there's anger right but it's supposed to be unconditional love you're not supposed to put any conditions on your children if your children you know decide to go off the yeah you throw out y only it everything it's supposed to be but it ain't that way okay you have a child who's smoking a shabas I'm just whatever right and you have younger children you want him to come him or her to come into your house smoking and and the younger siblings to see that and we know I don't want to go into this now cuz supposed to learn Tanya and we know factually proof that when one child Rebels it impacts the other children in the home and usually there fallouts second and third sibling as well so it it's it's it's very easy to you know to to say this but to implement it and to again it's not even implementing the behavior here is talking about the real feeling in your heart this is not easy this is very hard I really feel in my heart this this is this is the is not you know about uh you know do this Gula and you press this button and all of a sudden you get this this not this is an avoid that a bany that a person who's who's working and works and it takes time and and I've seen it I'm sure you've seen it in the community in families where parents I mean the whole movement I'm sure you have it in we have it here in America entire uh groups are teaching parents and having shabbatones about this issue it was so natural and so easy you know and from the from the biggest speakers and rabbis there's Fallout okay I don't have to say names you probably everyone knows it's not it's not it's not a secret here and what what's the answer but what I'm saying is that the not what I'm saying what I'm explaining is that the the in chapter 4 46 is unconditional love and therefore and therefore you can say you can't say if you tell me you can only come here if you don't smoke on shabas you can only come here if you cut your ponytail you can only come here if you're a mench that's they're all acceptable but that's not K that means you're telling me that I'm only accept accepted if I meet your conditions God's conditions hashem's conditions I want to be accepted as I am so now you'll say wait wait wait wait wait wait wait a second the mitv are conditions there reward and yeah this is a this is a explanation explained in other other places in this is beyond reward and punishment that's the point reward and punishment is one level of T and there are people who can only operate that way reward and punishment for right and wrong up and down but you know when when it all falls aside when it happens to your own kid then you say come save my kid who went to the the the the Harry christas in the 70s from Williamsburg they call house save my kid but I thought you hate us we don't go like right oh no no no but yeah but but it's my kid ah it's your kid when it comes to your belly button it's all acceptable and who's the address kabad then then we say kabad it's all right go ahead go do whatever you need to do but save my kid right what's the point that if you would AAL yeah the same thing the same thing oh I love Kad you know why you fed me in naobi I wouldn't have any food except over there so they're great right but this is we're going off on a tangent I want to stick to the point here in is saying that this of which we need to develop develop in the sense of to realize we need to realize is is a is and one more Point all the levels of one second one second all the levels of the love and and and Aang Mark you with me right all everything we've said till now this this would be the mindset if you can't do a go to B you can't do B go to C right in this chapter drb is saying no no the more see you are the better the relationship is the greater the relationship why cuz A and B have stuff conditions stick see is an outcast the guy doesn't know from anything says God loves him God loves specifically him you know why because he's shirtless his conditionalist and when he and when and when he when he will sense God's love to him he'll trop everything and just say I want to be with you god whereas whereas Mark do me a favor put mute yourself whereas everyone else everyone else until now everyone the the the love and awe of everything till now was a love that that was based on a condition on terms okay Misha one point but short please because I want to learn inside go ahead I just GNA say that that I don't think we're going up in a tangent at all because it's specifically this point unconditional love that there's a reason that go out to Tim and go out to capu and they and it's only for that reason it's only for that reason that's right because otherwise what why would they go why would they go why why why put themselves so I'm just saying I don't I don't think we're going off on right okay okay but but I I I want I want to add to that because it's important the reason to go is to is to reveal godliness in Kimba too it's not just to find the hippie and the Israeli that's a mistake it's because Hashem this is the the belief Hashem this is the belief Hashem says mhia will come for messiah to come the ordinary way is the world needs to be involved so you need to get every part of the world to be involved in the process of mssiah of re which is revealing God revealing God everywhere in anyway so we need to go everywhere the fact that there happen to be guys there or girls there who want to get closer to God who need to get closer who need a meal so be it but that that's not the that's not that's the that's the normal way what you were saying is the way the schia thinks so I'm going to go here but let's say let's say someone a husband and wife go out let's say to Montana to Wyoming I mean I mean to places where there's so few Jews and amongst the Jews 80 90% are intermarried so what are you going there for you're going to have shilas of kahuna and Aliah is and Min I mean right how can you give him a Leah how can you not you have to talk to rabbis it it's it's a big CH listen I tasted it the Marin County which had a great amount of assimilation I could tell you firsthand right it's not not even a question so they why go there why not why not go to to par and Williamsburg and work with the she say they from already yeah but they didn't learn Tanya they didn't learnis they didn't learn this they didn't do this you know this idea that we must go all the way I remember yank JJ he who was um like an ambassador for the Reba he was always say why do you guys want to go to Tim Baku why can't you be in Brooklyn we have here 500 bill buildings with Jews whose kids don't go to a Yesa you want to do take a building and work the building no got to go out right it's cool to go to California to Fresno fres Fresno to Westwood it's cool to go here oh you know that's why I'm saying all this is not the of what the re and in mind in the previous Reba the idea is wherever the a every place in the world needs to become more Godly so we're going to go all over the world and not put conditions he's there she's there these type of people that is the real and and that's coincides with what we're learning here of it's very near you again because if you start putting conditions even on your H just give me one second I want to finish even if you put conditions on your that's also condition and guess what there were who put a condition or asked a question and you know rebov told them the Reb secretary who got you know this discussed everything with the rebes no thank you everyone knew that when rakov asked you to go do you want to go here and there it came from the rebba and if you uh what's the word if you uh hesitated he wouldn't send you not as a punishment that means you're it's conditional we're looking for unconditional yes Hilo Hilo you're un mute you got to unmute yourself I want ask why is this not chapter [Laughter] one you know you remind me of com yeah you remind the answer to that question is with a story I see we're not going to learn any Tanya today but okay um uh but we are learning I know I know I know I know I know it's all good um there was a a go shim they called him from a city in Poland Ukraine z z z his last name was Angel Rabbi shim Angel they used to call it a shim shim shim because you go right he was a genius a bad genius but his genius brought about you know a wild mind which mean meant also a little wild behavior in and he was kind of bounced around from the Yesa and others anyway he he learned Tanya and probably taught Tanya and so he was learning um the Tanya chapter uh chapter 28 which we learned which drb says the other words Al don't be a fool to try to elevate the uh emotions the midles of love if it's a lustful love and all that and we discussed it at the time I don't want to go into that right now so so he the languag is don't be a fool so said like this uses those words only one time in Tanya but if you really learn Tanya and you know well it's found on every l in every line of T without him saying those words every line in Tanya if you understand it well it's the same message don't be a damn fool in other words come on Smart up guy smart up don't be a don't be a stupid you know you know what I'm saying realize that there's a God there's something greater it's not about material you know you know that whole message so I say that to you Hill you say why did Dr re say this he did say it on the first line but it's it's behind the line it's it's it's in the line every line in Tanya is the same message unconditional love for every Jew here in chapter 46 he gives it out in verbage because we're here we're learning about various levels of love for God so over here he he specifies it that way I I don't hear that as an answer because my the the question is certainly the hashem's unconditional love is is present in every line but we're talking about a VOD and the the sense I get with this chapter is uh that now that we've learned from 45 chapters of uh different approaches to a VOD oh one more difficult than the next all of a sudden we say well here's you know here's the uh here's the room where you can go in uh and be accepted it's uh it's it seems like that that this is at all what this is not the easy the comment that I wanted to make is this this reminds me very much this is the practical implementation of the Tomar the Tomar says act Godly and like Rabin is saying the go out to bring godliness that means you have to be Godly how does God behave you read the all the the 13 of of of tolerating all of the insults and and and all the things that go on so to me this discussion is very much this is the Practical implementation of the the iCal and not I don't think it's an easy at all I I I agree with I agree H I agree with is on that on that this part uh that this is not uneasy this is not just like waking up in the morning I mean this is like along the lines Y is saying a father and a child it's automatic love no this is a lot of work is it sounds well a reflection of the face hey but you got to have a face to reflect on the water find your face so Hill but but but I I I understand Hill your your question your point but is's answer is the answer this is an AA this it doesn't come from sleeping and eating and indulging no this comes from when a person empties out the yes and the div and realizes like he said that to make Godly you have to be Godly you have to be bany which is part of what we're learning the B then then yeah AB what were you saying I didn't hear you AB yeah I want to say that this it's even more practive advice for parenting if you have a kid that has some challenges which I did have and and initially my response was the response most parents have you you can turned away from but I realized that wasn't working so I love them un I love them matter what they were doing and I kept that love open in my heart the boys they all came back they all came back that's the answer cuz when when when they sensed in you unconditional love truly it opens up for them but again and I I want to say you know you said they came back that's great not everyone comes back back right away but that's fine you know what's the bottom line coming back don't commit suicide be normal and just just live life yeah the religion years it took years it took years it it takes years it's a and we need strong faith in hem and and and when kids sense that automatically I'm telling you they open up and if they don't open up to you you you or your wife they open up to to a friend but there there is an openness I'm telling you and and and things change again of course we would like them to to wear the yamak and the and take it easy take it easy take it easy people mature people wake up and they see the greater picture they see the the the the the the connection of the Jewish people of 3,000 years they see a war now that people want to wipe out such a fine holy people what is going on over here you know so it opens up to us I do have to go now we will continue IMM tomorrow great year take care byebye love you all byebye