There are No Secrets

morning this week is the week of you dollar then you test kislev so you test this is this coming shabbos of course and uh we'll talk of habring about that maybe next sunday mr shem but your donald kiss live is uh tomorrow is the day when the rabbit rabbits and got married in 1928 and last year i had this house of being on that site at the place where the hooper was and where the suda was in warsaw poland and um it was uh even though the buildings are not standing you know um and there's change of addresses and streets uh somewhat but the locale is for sure this the same you know and uh when you read about uh the history of guerre casidis and alexander and different khasidhar groups they were all in that hole in that whole area you could walk from one to the other miguel was actually a little bit fur but they had stibla they're jewels over there so some of the streets are still the same the name of the same the names of the same streets the addresses are all changed almost all changed so if you see an address 101 there's kapita street because i found kebiphtha street the problem is that you know the 101 is not here it's over there and so you know because warsaw was bombed and pretty much decimated the flattened everything is new but they did keep they didn't rename the streets so based on that we and there are old um you know records old maps we have the maps of pre-war so there are historians that are you know that do this to try to find the the current street based on the previous map but anyway uh this is about you don't kiss liv so we'll maybe talk a little bit about it tomorrow we'll see let's meanwhile begin the mimer we're on page 185. that we're beginning a new section of the country so mayan chapter 12 pedic olives let's go oh yeah and we're greeted to switch 185 185 we're greeted the the shop greets us this morning as the week begins talking about the plots employees of the eight sahara welcome to the ballpark the yates convinces a person not to be an other a man he doesn't [Music] that the fear of heaven should be upon you commander boss of adam kit a conjunction the huff is a conjunction as the fear of a human being now those you guys are scared for someone to know what you're doing uh-huh at least that amount of irish remind me to have for god almighty so the students that's it that's that's the that's the entire amount that you just may need look at the parenthesis means a wonder you have to read the words not as a statement but rather as a question i don't have to have any more hiroshima for god than i do for a man it doesn't seem to make sense means how have i i wish at least that amount let's leave what she says he says at least have the basic amount of jerusalem that you have for for mankind and that will prevent you for doing many sins available a proof out of fear of other people knowing that everything is revealed before hashem yet he does not desist right so he says i hope no one will see in other words a person says i'm gonna do this quietly and privately and secretly no one's gonna know etc etc right so at least at least you do it quietly hoping no one will see you okay so this explains heaven this explains the opening line of of this chapter here with rashaab says that the aids of her convinces man not to be another i made mistakes i didn't read the word i didn't see the words the man shouldn't see him if man doesn't see you you can get away with it you understand so the yeast artist says no one knows what you do no one knows you you're doing it in the corner you're doing it privately you know you're filling out your your forms the way who knows what you're doing next paragraph and this is the convincing of the aids of horror that man should not see him villainy doing your love and not know his business harold him [Music] everyone knows and everyone recognizes three like words if one wasn't enough then lays it into you lays it into us everyone sees what you're doing everyone knows what you're doing and everyone recognizes what you're doing kelly jimbo late it is impossible that you should do certain things that you'll be because in truth due to the the great amount of of convincing of the aids of herder i said we do many silly things our healthy mind would never agree to do this but what happens what happens is we're allowing ourselves to be excuse the expression stupid foolish [Applause] when someone is not well mentally it's called my viral dietary [Music] suspect watch out for this fellow this fellow is not kosher he has something up his [Music] sleeve and he says when they indicted all of the later what do they do they become the fbi they start investigating and they start searching online i'm gonna look up his name on facebook right the girls and boys do today they check out shidduchim hey facebook how does the guy look what is he into facebook tells you everything you're if you're on facebook you're finished and no secrets anyway so so um you know it's actually very hard to find someone that was once i had to track down someone for something and i couldn't locate it i was trying from left to right because it was pre pre uh internet days so so he wasn't really listed so you know no one wrote about him yet so there was very little information but anyway that ever says here that ashab says that once you become a hashit and this is a very important point once you become a suspect you're in for trouble that that you're gonna be caught if not today tomorrow if not tomorrow the day after so remember that's what he says anyway different movements body movements that tell you about the person so the shop was a good psychologist in other words facial movements body movements it tells you something's going on here there everywhere okay depending on what what you know don't make light of facial movements and body movements it's very telling that's what he says here let's continue and he says should others himself reveals all about himself just by his body movements hapnemium he's revealing his secret inner issues and in this case it's bad it's no good so we we we underst we see from this particular thing that this is a bad issue that he's dealing with says that ever i'm not talking here about forbidden speech kamesheker lies regimes and disgusting speech i'm not talking about disgusting vulgar speech lies thievery um disgust you know i'm not that's a given listen to this even when he tells over a story he's just repeating the story it's only extra speech hillary swast yet there right the deep if the deeper shot teller you're sitting on the couch someone comes over you start chatting and talking you're just talking so you you know you think it's so insignificant says that emma's one of the things this brings to my mind is when i when i um when i ran a substance abuse treatment program that i often particularly with alcoholics it's harder to do this with drug use but with alcoholics because it had a slow decline and people were able to work for a long time while maintaining their alcoholism but at the end they'd get they would they would reek of alcohol and and reach of all their efforts to cover up the alcohol the mouthwashes and the and the aftershave and and whatever and everybody really knew that they were that they were just uh but they they somehow deceived themselves into thinking that they were they were somehow covering it up it was it ended up being sort of pathetic right right aval the ms thank you through his insignificant unimportant speech idol chatter chit chat and jokes you know what it's about what about this hillel i don't know tell me if i'm on the right track i have found that certain people who later are found to be abusers of child molesters and the like abusers they they tend i know some of these guys i know them and they tend to be very uh happy very joking and even very kind but i find that there there's a certain like style of jokes and and laughter i don't know that that that that's knowing them later that they've been a you know accused of molestation etc i i just i put the two together that you know i mean is there any anything to what i'm saying what's my own i mean the dynamics of seduction are often are what's at play you know uh luring people and um uh and and in order to do that your uh people who do that are often very charming in the beginning that's the word charming thank you that's the word i was looking for it's exactly and then when you know what it's in service of it sort of becomes revolving oh for sure for sure for sure but but you know hillary it also i for me talking personally it it's like what they what what the what they what they've accomplished is that they've stripped for me the the the ability to look at someone and accept them for them being you know a nice laughing joking fellow charming and and and and and mean it well they they've created a situation where you don't know anymore and it's like you have to almost always be kashud yeah it's uh right you know you can't be just generally a nice guy anymore i i say i say that gamora avi that counsel women you know one of the things one of the things i would emphasize uh is that um that it's really important to recognize the difference between seduction and courtship that that they can often look very similar but the nature of seduction is at each step it's kind of taking something away from you it's weakening you whereas at the nature of courtship is that each step is kind of contributing something that builds you up enhance it enhances you it enhances you shakoya very good difference thank you very much very good let's continue um so the rapper spoke before just before about dibor and and we just spoke about how in deeper talks himself out and really says what he's all about with his with his with who he really is now there are some urea looking let's see next page 187 shall he start loose with a gaze shall make them see him he takes a short look at somewhere where he shouldn't be looking in the bezel the magazine but he reveals his the depth of the bed inside that one little look and if you and if someone catches it oh did you see the way he may turn this head and gave a look over there that shows that that's where he's at and by the way that's that explains why there's so much verbiage in khazal and muslims for him about you know watching your eyes shamira saying says it in his own way is is alluded to in this little paragraph a few words that we read next back then they are the most even if people are not aware of a person's bad behavior holly the front of his body call if you do i'll call you before hashem everything is revealed so you ain't fooling and hiding anything but mr kosov [Music] and reveals everything so who are you whoever desecrates the name of hashem he will be punished in a way that will become public so although what although he's just doing the the the the hashem in a private way right he will shame your mind in a private way by say sir that's what pika says [Music] [Applause] when i just quoted a picture of this in this context this was bothering me sir the whole gether the whole idea of what that other people see it and it's mahalo so look what he says the hashem part is always before hes always public but the act the act could be private in other words there is the act of the alvera and there is the result of the act motion you get it the result of the act is all is here for example someone embezzles no one knows all of a sudden the new york post who looks for these things the next days in the papers an orthodox jew right but he did it in on a form or he did it quietly with a few people so the aveda itself can be beser but the the result of the aveda is is always begoli continuing says the missionary foreign [Music] hatred is called is covered with deceit yet his evil will be revealed in public okay [Music] this act is despised by hashem eventually hashem will disclose the evil publicly say because rashi that says this is the meaning that he might do in a murky darkness who will reveal it to everyone why why will hashem take a sinner's private act and publicize it as we say in english put out the dirty laundry he's going to mamish make everyone see what he [Music] and does so much good yet he suffices with this and that yet he suffices with this and that in other words one shouldn't say that one shouldn't say that and and think and this is so true when you see and hear about someone making these hashems in public right you say but he did such good he did such good you know so this is exactly what what what we're learning here don't use that as as an excuse the fact that he did good it's between him and hashem and he'll get credit for it and that's but that doesn't justify the the the the behavior because it leads to hashem and with one hashem you can wipe away as far as you your entire good it's also very it's a very very one second it's a very uh hurtful thing but we see sometimes good people i'm gonna be good people people that have done lots of good and they mess up one time but it causes that's it that's it that you know they're damaged for life and you know that's it that's it so you have to we have to be very careful because in other words most of the time they did good they're good guys they're good people because of one time goofing up so what's what's the beard the answer is this shows that there's something inherently wrong and and deeply uh sad and and difficult that that that that they're involved with and needs a trooper yes leonie yoni all right so i i just listen i know we didn't finish the mimer yet but from here i don't know just me i i see a steerer because the one in the beginning of the miner here he's saying that there are people that that are doing a virus and they're doing it it's in them right we're not talking about someone that's going out and then you know going to a gay parade even even even even if they do it but sinner yeah but on the other hand he's saying that this guy he's going to go and do a private thing and then you know a reporter or a photographer from the new york post is going to follow him doing something bad and then all he did okay he had he had an intention to do uh a sin but sinner he didn't have an intention to that's that's exactly what we're learning is that although you're right you're right that i mean the puke of is not saying that he intended to make it the fact is hashem will come from it it's not saying that he has that in mind he has a mind like you said ashamed i wouldn't i wouldn't even say ashamed shame guys change means he's embarrassed you this word for shame like shame you know a shame you know sometimes he is shameful and sometimes he just knows he's you know he's deceitful and very uh manipulative as hillar said earlier you know you know the different is it really a shame there's so many listen this is this is this is all this is hilarious feel that there's so many conditions some people are really shameful some people aren't bad not really but but they have to get away with it other people you know this the mind of ours concocts all kinds of ideas and you can't we can't put them all to one basket so that's why you see us that himself that here and it's in business particularly you know all kinds of mental uh uh decisions that the sinner makes justifying i mean i i i once was in in a home of two people that were suspect of molestation one of them is a friend of mine it's it's it's sad but you know and i happened to be there because the father was there and the father was a big hustler and i wanted to hear certainly good name and then i saw someone else come in who i later found out was also suspect they're related and they were like whispering to each other so you know people are it's it's it's crazy out there you know people are just you know he's ashamed if you're ashamed don't come into the house and don't oh you didn't know that dolphin is there but you can understand it it's so but that is saying here push it very simple that even though let's let's even say yo it's like you say he's a shame he does it in private nevertheless pt others this from pity office is telling you that from that's gonna come hashem and then hashem will reveal your shame to everybody so therefore don't do it even in private that's that's what it says let's continue and the fact that the yetzer her entices him that [Music] those people who are more refined in yiddish mention aidal means refined mentioned people well balay seiko and they're more intellectual they're not so apt to accept the these ridiculous arguments of the eight sahara as those who are more balay mesut gas more grub of course in yiddish so we have two things we have a de la mention refined people and we have grabber mentioned ubali media is and good people who have bali me the shame is next page 189. okay bali me there's a people guys very emotional very excited right now okay so we have two things we have motion adela mentioned versus grabber mentioned yoni we have bali seiko versus bali meadows says if that's who they are by nature are more apt to convince themselves and allow the tus to fool them and yiddish they fool themselves and it's so true the the bali seiko you know as much uh obvious we say about seiko's cold but in this case about seiko is an advantage because he thinks about it and he doesn't get so excited right away and he doesn't buy the arguments whereas about me this oh it feels good it sounds good let's go for it in other words inherently the yates or horrors inside inner core is animalistic tendencies and desires for balmiedos and being a very emotional being becoming he convinces men of many things he wants man to be like him to be about midos and a bahami and and he wants that of every man so where does he find more success yaakov he finds more success with the people who are palamidos and and grew up and behind me he finds less success by people who are abolished whole and more edel one second let me finish and he thinks no one knows about him so here that ashab has given us a real heavy dose of musser so here again you see that in the rebel shraps time this was written again 1904 so he's already inculcating teachings of muslim in khabar hasidis because it's all part of the torah and his point over here is that don't be convinced by the it's a hurdle with all of its arguments because it's too late and it's damaging and another point that he just made is that where does the gates of her find more success in the baller medos and in the grub people now you might be wondering and thinking about the story with aristotle the story of course is that aristotle was once found doing something very animalistic and not nice and they said mr aristotle what's with you mr aristotle you're such a big mensch a mensch so you're so bright and everything and yet you're acting like an animal so he said my dear friend when aristotle acts like an animal he's not aristotle there is the aristotle who's the aristotle and then there is the bahama aristotle who's not aristotle then he's a behemoth now that's a good story joke anecdote whatever you want it to be but the kuda is it's true for every one of us and that knows that there are abstract understands human nature and the rebel ashab is teaching us that in yiddish kite it doesn't work this way for us it doesn't work this way now you'll say well what's human condition right it is human condition but rashaba is saying that's why we have a theta and the traitor teaches us to not follow this dictate and not to be what we call echo the effort believe in my heart i say one thing and in my mouth i say another thing you're a hypocrite it doesn't work that way and that the traitor says that's not the mahalos that's not the approach of a yid it's hard we know it's hard we know it's hard but ms is better i once read in the letter of the rebbe in the name of polish polish hasidim it's better to be in gehenna with other jews than to being than aiden yourself now i'm extrapolating from that i once told this to my rebbe my spirit of your khan and he either forgot he never saw it he asked me to find the place where it says it because such a phenomenal insight in many ways but in one way it's better to be emis it's better in other words to be ms being ahead and but be enemies don't being done and be a be a shocker because if you're in donating there's a shocking you know what kind of gun aidan is that i mean what kind of imagine you know i'm alive and you'll say well how can i get into ghanaian if i'm a shotgun i have a secret to tell you there are people that can lie their way into gun hating they're such good scammers yes moshe just i just want to comment on something that we learned in the last few minutes yeah not about the the person who's making the act in private and the whole shem that's that's made when he's exposed in public that hashem is now in public i wanted to go back for a second was one of the things i brought this up before that i feel that one of the things the most challenging things is when you have the person it's before he's been so to speak exposed big time in public what do i mean example someone who's doing something in business the person who is cheating let's say or wrong do you know like he's uh like i said like a he's a shyster right but he's affecting people individually but because obviously of everybody's sensitivity to not not to not speak in la shahara so people are like you know they're frustrated inside they're bitter they're angry they've been taken advantage of but but they're not going to go and start badmouthing the person all over the place right so people are suffering in silence right that we all know about child abusers right child molesters they're abusing abuse and abusing and their victims are suffering in silence until finally somehow there is some sort of breakthrough there's some critical mass and the guy gets exposed the problem is here's my i guess here's my question my question is what would the rashad what would the rebbe rashad say about that person before he gets exposed knows he's hurting people problem is is that there's not that critical mass yet it would it could be it could be an abuser it could be some a builder who's taking people's money i just had a friend of mine last job has cried to me shabbos morning after davening because he he's been he's been taken advantage of for the last seven years by this builder okay and i mean just like you know and the guy the builder has you know he runs around with pass and a beard and so forth and so on i'm just curious you know we this is a very very unfortunately common scenario that we see time and time and time again of the person who's abusing who's taking advantage of before he's caught okay right it could go on for could go on for years and years and years right okay i'm just i guess my question is what how how would the rashad respond to that the rashab would respond with uh with quoting uh um i believe it's a mishna oss says you're forbidden to have mercy on a fool why in in psychological terms he's self-destructive so if you have mercy on someone self-destructive they're just going to do it again and hurt themselves more and on and on says if the mishnah can can give a ruling about someone that you're not allowed to have mercy on him that itself should evoke within you the greatest mercy for such a person by getting the right help in other words there's something in halacha and there's something greater than we call that right so if the has to has to already say about this person that he's a shaytan and self-destructive and you're not allowed to help him that's not a reason not to help him that's a reason to get him the right help and to have mercy on him because he's gone so far because we believe every year it has on the shuma so on one hand we can never forget about that but that's about you and i having mercy about someone else you're asking me moshe about the person himself right that's what you're asking what would the rap shop say about the person himself the rashad would say what it says what we're learning here my friend look for emes and if you know you're not emmaus you're you're you're evil you're bad you you you go and you and you're gonna get caught you know but but the point is why why go down this path if you have a psychological condition go to therapy take pills get go to friends i don't you know what i'm saying i'm not saying they're people that are mentally not well you got to get help and they're people that will help you yes and if hospital and you can't control yourself we have to deal with that too okay but but there's a difference between so this is my answer there's a difference between an outsider looking at the person who is bad and evil and but there are shrap here and this paragraph is addressing the person himself he's not addressing the other person he's addressing the person himself and to the person himself he's saying is you won't get away with it you're not going to get away with it and it's demonstrative of something that's that's wrong that's that's not good and why why do you want to now why do you want to go on this path so again so some will argue i don't want to go on this path i can't control myself you can't control yourself we do have options we have options that call therapists psychologists rabbis friends and medicine and usually usually one of those options are helpful okay one of those options are helpful i mean you know the the the whole 12-step program i mean i mean i think is it's there to to find a way to to show a person to knock sense into the person that you don't have to be this way to live life and those that follow are rehabilitated so again the toyota the rashad believes that a yid the eczema is good so even the shyster motion let's let's go down to earth even the shyster deep down deep down has in the shower and the shreister you know so and the reason why the shyster is being ashaistic because he thinks he can get away with it because he's so clever a ponzi scheme let me ask you if the one who makes a ponzi scheme as a shyster if he would know that tomorrow he's being caught forget about seven years tomorrow would he do it no right he just thinks he can take everyone for a ride yeah i i think i think probably as we're as forgiving for interrupting but i think that as we're discussing this i'm realizing i think that the examples that i'm thinking of are people who are either uh borderline that the things that they're doing is is it a borderline criminal or it is outright criminal activity as opposed to as opposed to let's say someone who's um addicted to something which is maybe more personally damaging than uh than than after hurting other people okay so but yeah even the criminal yes even the criminal the criminal mind prisoners in the shambhala yes of course and again the criminal will get punished for being a criminal and the criminal is being a criminal because he thinks he can get away with it that's usually the case okay you know the xenos always quotes the gemura gandharta the thief the robber at the threshold of the door rahman akarya god help me he's have a successful stealing event robbing event what's going on here you're standing here you're asking hashem so the city says that shows that the ammunition but not that he doesn't have a munna he has a munna but his emunah is not pepnemius it's superficial will continue tomorrow good conversation the bottom line is we have to know ourselves and not look at others and whatever we know about ourselves that needs tikkun you know and we follow you know my wife and i were talking shabbos the rebbe was so careful with with with honesty there ever told emmanuel shahad and others that when you go at the at the uh the arches with the the border you know when you come in and out don't lie don't say a non-truth for wait and and and things like that and you know by most of us you know a little bit here a little bit there you know they it's like they expect it the rabbit didn't ex you know didn't accept that you know because and how logically by the way likely a car salesman is a car salesman allowed to convince you to buy a car even if he knows it's not the best car for you is that a halachic violation many not bottom say it's not why because the whole category of car salesmen and sales is one of lying of making up stories so you know you're going to a salesman you have to expect to hear above a mice and if not you're a fool so maybe how logically we could say it's not but ethically it's not right and the rebel and you look at some of his answers on these issues in in you know over the years he didn't accept any of that you know so he was so froome i don't know he's so from he was from not so he was a fruit jew a from jew doesn't play games doesn't play games and that's that's enough either not you know not that not the cup corners and it's it's hard you know and and and my wife had a situation because she had to she asked the shy level of last week a situation at school came up with a government program and the school wants her to sign in a way that she's uncomfortable in other words she's supposed to be learning they want you they give money for learning with these and these chil with children but according to the government you're supposed to tell them what the who the children are and what the hours are and the school says you don't have to do that because sometimes they come sometimes they don't come as long as you're learning with them it's good right the program says the pr and the pro the pro she well she should now she says the program says that you don't have to but ethically you know is it right i'm just saying so all these things are a very sensitive issue so if you want to be above board and ethically you know and that's the best way not if you know it's a clear answer there's no there's no there's no games you know you don't need a big rabbi and a big talmud to tell you you know and it but at the same time if allah says it's okay you have that option so but you're not talking about that you're talking about a shyster a contractor who's ripping off people or a ponzi schemer and you know or criminal you know you're talking about a very different thing have it have a great day everyone zaikaz bye