Tanya as guide to happiness, self-worth, forget missed opportunities - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

okay so welcome to this new class Tyra on Mental Health I'm Rabbi doin the teacher I wrote a book in 20122 it's behind me called Tanya mental health and uh because of that I feel it's important to share some of the findings and teachings which uh we're doing right now I do want to say that uh the class is dedicated to Dr Lea Pearlman who was a good friend of mine and his wife sponsored the series and today's class is dedicated toor basinda Mala to find the very speedily the idea of cidus the idea of Torah is all one there are certain sections of the Torah in which the legalistic takes priority and there's other sections of the Tor where the hamtic takes preference for example the midrash at the little Med says that you probably have read to to others and there there is which is mysticism which by the way is notus and then there is is not either the gar the tal is about the discussion of of the teachings in the mishna of 2,000 years ago and back and forth this Rabbi says this this Rabbi says that and it's the basis for but it's not Jewish law notm which was founded by RAB Isel bov is different than all the others that I mentioned in that it takes all of the Torah every part of the Torah the tal the the htic the esoteric and in a way it gives new life and energy to it how that is hopefully it'll become clearer as we as we study together and this is the first of seven seven it's a series of seven classes so um we'll see where it goes from there well today I want to talk about the please mute yourself whoever does is not muted please mute today I want to talk about a verse in in the Torah this thing the Torah is near you in your mouth in your heart to act upon now literally in the verse in the T when it's mentioned there's a a verse before that which says the Torah is not in heaven it's not across the White Sea rather it's near you and it's near you in your heart in your in your mouth in your heart and in action so someone shouldn't think how can I not just study the T but live with the T and become a Torah a living embodiment of the Torah how can that be if it's it's for the Angels the celestial beings it's in heaven or I have to go across the wide seat to find a teacher I have to go to Jerusalem or toat you know maybe over there I'll find a teacher but I have to get on a plane I have to go by ship it's a whole to do so the Torah says no mayi it's not in heaven it's not across the White Sea rather the author of The the founder of the kabad movement he F takes this section of the verse and he says this is the opening for mental health I'm I'm paraphrasing he doesn't say those words but I'm paraphrasing one of his ideas in other words if the Torah that we learn the right the Jewish law which many of you you know learn you teach your children very nice but if somehow it's not you and you don't and you aren't able to relate to it in a way let's use the words in a psychological way in a way that's very practical for you in your daily life today then it is in heaven and then the Torah is across the sea because it's not within you so the author shomon teaches and he says that in my book called The Tanya my objective is to show you a that it is near you you don't have to go elsewhere but you have to find out about yourself the story that is uh story really happened there's a rabbi arov uh Rabbi winre he uh I think he's either the president the vice president or president ameritus of the OU he was a rabbi in Silver Spring for years very scholar great writer and a very fine person so he tells over the story that he he he had a certain dilemma and a certain issue and he called the laab Reba's office and the secretary put the rebba on the phone the rebba wouldn't speak on the phone direct but he would listen in and then he would tell his secretary what to say sometimes you heard what he actually said so the wi rep says that I don't know what to do and I'm looking for an answer maybe the Reit can tell me where to go and what to do to find the answer and the and the rabbi said there's only one person who can help Rabbi wein and it's the person himself tell Rabbi wreb that he doesn't need to go elsewhere to find the answer he needs to find himself and after he got that answer from theere his his entire approach and he was a from Jew you know what I'm saying he was a rabbi and he was a lawyer as well you know his academic making scholarly but it opened up for him why am I I'm lost I'm lost I'm searching here I'm searching there I don't know what to do maybe it's time to find out who we are find out who you are yourself this is what the balat what his objective and modus aand is in this little book called The to find out who Am I who are we that's a it's a it's a great gift that he gave us and and we need to explore it so that's the first purpose second thing that he mentions is in the verse in the it says for this thing for the Torah is very near you the question that is asked is why does why is the word necessary very near you it's near you it Torah is near you in your mouth in your heart and to act upon what what what's the addition of the word me very near and this too he explores and answers in in tan and what it means for us is that not only is the the recipe for mental health and for happiness in life and for and for being content with what you have the gift of life that God gives every person to feel it to live with it and to truly be happy about it there are people who live out their life because you know why they had no other choice their parents made them they came here whether they married or they didn't marry had a family didn't have a family they had friends they didn't have friends whatever the case and as they get older and time moves and right it's time to go on they you know they say well what did I accomplish so is this living it's it is a certain type of living but it's not living in a way of me very near you it's it's it's near you corro but it's not very near you don't feel excited about your life you don't feel excited about getting up in the morning when we learn the Tanya as it inspires and imuses the Torah that it that every day is a new day and every day is a new opportunity and if yesterday I messed up and if yesterday I was depressed and if yesterday things didn't go my way way that was yesterday today is a new day it tell the story of the previous had a Mal he had a teacher and the teacher would put him put him to sleep when he was a little boy and he said he called him by his names which is the yish English meaning tomorrow you have to get up entirely different entirely different I'm getting up tomorrow no no no no it's a new day if you get up tomorrow like today you might be upset the things that bother you today will might repeat themselves you want to experience a new dimension you have to get up in a different way completely the word in the verse represents this idea so the AL says that my job in the book of T is to share with you this idea in your mouth and in your heart and to and to act upon it now these are three separate things what does mean little in your mouth when you speak a person is judged by what they say a person expresses themsel through their deeper through their speech and their talk and that is why it's so important to talk with a sensitivity to talk with a humility to talk in a nice way we have even we have Jewish La that teaches us so many laws about talking from the famous of the of not gossiping and what is considered but isn't considered to other parts of Jewish law where we see clearly that talk is an integral part of the Jewish experience of the Torah lifestyle that's the heart this Torah that is very near me needs to be not just felt in my talk experienced in my talk because talk is is considered external to the soul to the inside but it should touch your heart your inner core your emotions when it touches the emot in your heart now we're talking now we're really talking until then the talking was kind of you know um was uh was wasn't it was external it's external we want the talking to be internal how how do you go from external talking to an internal experience when it's realized in the Le in the heart so that's the second thing then the verse says to act upon we all know Miriam you know that saying talk is cheap you can talk from today till tomorrow and we can we talk and talk and talk and plenty us do it and we just talk and nothing comes from that talk talk is cheap why is talk cheap Elana why is talk cheap because it hasn't touched the heart and if it didn't touch the heart it doesn't result in action now could be it could be that a person feels something in the heart and they still don't do it now that is another issue and it's discussed in Tanya chapter 29 where he speaks about literally the clogging the jading of the heart I understand it here when it comes here I'm jaded and therefore I don't act upon it so God willing when we get to chapter 29 we'll talk a little bit about that how to overcome a jaded heart plenty of people do action but it's stale you know I remember in 19 2019 when I came to visit a friend in rat shees in Israel outside of Jerusalem and that's when we opened up a CO for uh anglos who work you know they start their work later or those that are retired semi-retired so one of the people said to me there's the Sho over here that's pretty much Bali Chua English speakers great place I D there many times great true he says but a lot of people feel stale their Judaism the yish is stale so they're doing they're putting on filling they're coming to sh but why is the Judaism stales I said oh I have the recipe for you we need to study Tanya and then you'll will understand why it is that our heart is Jaded sluggish and what the what the therapy for that is to vacate that and to do it with enthusiasm and zest so I say this because when we get to the idea of of the third element in the verse in the Torah in that the balatan quotes in his tagline on the cover page of the Tanya which he himself wrote okay the author wrote what he desires with this little book called T and he quotes this verse so what is the third element of the verse on one hand action on one hand action is not demonstrative of a flaming heart that's in love with passion for Hashem on the other hand without the action it's just a Whimsical experience and boy have we had that throughout the ages and especially in the 60s for those that still remember that period and the 70s were people got so excited but the excitement didn't lead for Jews at least to a practical observance they got very far and the Reba capitalized on that in the 1960s by opening the first B Yesa Torah and encouraged Rabbi Goldstein of the diaspora Yesa in Jerusalem together with r carach who helped him to open his Yesa in 1967 and the the baluba wave began which was wonderful but trust me those 500,000 people at Woodstock are not putting on film today or lighting shops SK okay yes plenty of grateful ye Grateful Dead grateful ye grateful ye people from the concerts who are still not putting on FID and they still not keeping shabas so we have our work cut out what so what's going on there's an inspiration in other words the inspiration that the counterculture movement brought to to the world of the 60s is very special in fact I wish we would have that still today CU we don't what does a college student want today a nice car a lot of money good job but a nice girl or a nice guy that's it I'm said what about a nice God once we search for God the Quest for God who is God where is God out the window right in the 60s that was the essence of it and it came along with many isms from feminism to sexism to Communism all the isms intellectualism humanism you know came out of Europe came to us in America and we had a counterculture Revolution at Berkeley at Buffalo at Brooklyn College and other places and some of you probably remember that so if it doesn't if we don't have the third element what I'm getting at not to get off the point we don't have we don't have all the talk and all the feelings is worth nothing sorry you have to do something about it so the balatan teaches us over here that this book of Tanya its orientation its goal is one thing to implement not just observance because do because you have to do you know I'm sure you've heard I've heard so many people who have this negativity still they're walking around with today when I was a kid when I was in t the Torah you know I was told this is what you do and that's why you have to do it and just do it and the famous saying that they used to say [Music] is if you know all the reasons for everything that you're asking about you'll become very old very quick so it's better not to know better to be excuse me stupid better to be naive and we lost an entire generation but that's the past the last 70 years 6070 years the abouta movement and and you just kind just flourished and it's all over so that's great and then there is the eye and then there is the self sometimes well not sometimes always we can be in a community we can be in a city we can be in a Sho and we feel empty right right but everyone is Ding and singing and making and doing this and doing that why you feel empty because it's inside and guess what until that is dealt with you you feel empty you have to find a way to not feel empty and and and there are ways and methods yes it includes being with people that e told people who had depression clinical depression in addition to of course they're taking uh the medicine for that and that's necessary get out and meet people if you can't get out yourself let someone come a a friend and take you take you to the water take you to visit people take you to see people it's such a great Mitzvah I know someone in Florida who I connected with someone who has depression and the greatest thing I told him that you did for him and the one who has depression is you know Orthodox from is observant the one that is doing it is not yet fully right I said said my friend you got yourself a portion of the world to come because you're going over with your car and you're taking the person out you've done the biggest Mitzvah so this is very very important very very important and when we think about the the idea of finding Solace and finding happiness and finding ways to find happiness it doesn't come by osmosis it just does because yes it's good to be with people but then you go back home even if you can you go out to people or you feel oh you know bad about this and I miss you know people sometimes they wake up at 6 50 60 70 I I missed this opportunity this opportunity I could have done this when I was younger I could have been this right what do they call that in America a midlife prices right well my friends in yish in Torah Judaism there's no such a thing what does what do I mean the fact is that I missed an opportunity you that was Divine Providence and you missed that but you have another opportunity might even be greater in a different way so maybe the crisis that took place is a springboard for you to wake up from your dream you know the perfect man I'm waiting for the perfect man today is tuba tuba up right the day of shim right which everyone should find their shim and everyone should bless their fames with it's it's a great day for that right but you know it's never too late never too it's never too late people find Companions and friends and people all kinds of ways this is a you know not can't give a general answer in a class to to to individual issues but but the the message the message the what we call in Hebrew the mukash the the drive the goal is that we wanna we want to find ways to in things that we do or things that we will start doing thinking about feeling and then doing that will bring more happiness to us and we will be a Happ your person and we will be more excited about doing our chores be it parental chores be it communal chores or whatever else so this is um pretty much a synopsis of the cover page ananya now I'd like to take a few last minutes to give you a chance to to comment or to ask you know I don't want this to be just a a one-way uh Shear I like my classes and lectures to be you know interactive so Miriam would you like to begin with something uh not yet there's a lot to think about it I I wasn't sure what this class would be about but um there is tremendous food for thought when you said es especially what you said about um thinking about missed opportunities when I was younger oh I missed this I missed that I could have whatever and you're saying that yes maybe there'll be that that was Divine Providence it was that particular thing that you said that it was Divine Providence that I missed that thing I shouldn't I should reframe my perspective on the things that I I I may have missed in the past and today something else may present itself as good or better so just thinking that that gave me a slightly different perspective and I I found that very comforting and um think about it like you said you know let it let it let it seep in let it seep in you know dwell on it you know that's the way something becomes real when we think about it yes um a would you like to say something please yeah um out from Cincinnati right yeah yeah so everything you said today is what I've been going through today I had a very very busy day yesterday so I was busy doing and then for some reason I this morning I don't know if it's still an imbalance in my in my system but I woke up this morning I felt okay and then a couple hours after waking up in the morning I didn't feel okay I felt miserable I felt depressed I don't know if it's chemical or whatever but the point is all those issues you talked about I I felt them deeply like what am I really doing and so look I mean I'm observing these Cycles in myself because sometimes I feel like I'm I'm in balance between feeling uh thinking and doing and then there there's a day where I feel like I just fall and now I feel like I'm in the negative where everything doesn't matter what I've done it's no good but you know I get into like this old habit so what was helpful to to hear for me was okay and I've been working on this anyway with other other healers I mean other sources that say it's a new day it's a new day it's a new day and um just to that that is one of the biggest helps for me and also to to realize you know sometimes I have a little Grand I'm a little bit grandiose in what I think I think okay I have a lot of energy so today I'm going to be brilliant I'm going to be this I'm G to be that and when I end up not being so brilliant not being so like you know wow that you know like I'm expecting then I feel I you know I failed so I I think just readjusting my expectations is something I'm learning right now right well listen you you told us earlier I don't know if the others heard that you're you know a music teacher you have you know music a voice teacher voice te a voice teacher believe me believe me helping another person in those areas will make you feel better and and and good when you see you know when you see how your contri ution actually helps another person that makes you feel better it's the number one thing that that I've seen in my life and heard from my teachers I heard once from a from a rabbi who has many followers and you know and everything else and he said when I start thinking about my own family I get depressed there are issues maybe not not not not with him but you know these grandkids and this and that you know he says I don't want to get up but as soon as I think about what what can I do for the other person I jump up so you you you have like all of us here have much to add to people so get out and and and share with another person take take a kid that's all I did yesterday was was teaching yesterday and that's that's as we saying yish galdi that's great that's awesome and put the focus on that not the focus that you know I didn't do this in my life I didn't do that that is negative thinking unhealthy and it doesn't get anyone anywhere we all have dreams that we did not accomplish if right the greatest person has a dream that he hasn't accomplished guaranteed but if the difference is the real great person the person who succeeds doesn't make the focus that they're Focus they they go on you know for whatever reason as Miriam said it's Divine Providence so yeah you know so so just continue in that vein think about the the the short thought that the thoughts that we discussed today and and let it seep in you know that's why you know you can ask Rabbi karp over there for the text the Tanya text and and actually look at the you know you're from Israel you can read the Hebrew with the English read the words and think about them it would be very therapeutic you know and I'm telling you you don't have to spend hours but even five minutes 10 minutes looking at the words thinking about the words you know you know what I'm saying that that's a very helpful thing okay we're gon thank you re you're welcome anyone else elano or Natalie want to say anything or if not we're going to sign off okay so we have the next class of God willing U next um Monday same time same place and uh continue to tell you know friends of yours and you could write me during the week or message me if you would like to share other thoughts or you know other ideas um but I'm I'm what I'm F gonna do is I'm following what I did in my book which I have a thought on each of the chapters so next week I'm going to focus on one idea from the introduction to the Tanya and then in two weeks I'm going to start from the uh from what's it called from uh the chapter one have a great day Shalom and good young to everyone take care bye bye bye thank you