Should a Baal Teshuva revisit their transgressions? Carlebach Music - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

we're learning here at chapter 11 we are going to finish line today page test Zion we're in the middle of the page with the author of explains to us that a Russia vitolay in the Russia Vera in particular there are Graves and and and and shades of how much of the Vestige of some bad evil some indulgences and cravings for unhealthy things still exist in the heart of this individual I'm sorry just the opposite that's a rush that's a tadiv by A Rush of it by a Russia Victoria means there is some Vestige of good that Still Remains there and it comes out from time to time although most of the time the person acts in a way that's against God and let's see what we're learning now here and some we're about eight lines from the top of page test Zion which is opposite 30. which it speaks about here um uh here we spoke about hiri actually five lines here so it's one two three at the Fifth Line the second word vegan what if he's not thinking about I'm plotting I'm going to do the savera Ella the Indians he has a fantasy a carnal thought of the Union of of a male and a female a sexual thought right so he doesn't plan on on going out and having any relations with women and doing anything forbidden but he enjoys thinking and fantasizing about this evil the union of male and female and Authority has the word boiler means you know in the world meaning just just the thought you know just the thought that's a worldly thought concerning this issue foreign this is a desecration of a Prohibition literature which is the the title says you should be careful from any band anything that's bad say the Hazel Shalom you shouldn't think about these thoughts by day so you don't act upon them at night so in in the prohibition literally are from what does that refer to be careful not to do a bad act say it also includes not just a bad action but a thought that's inappropriate place it and Associate it with the PO with the verse or for example so that's one type of issue that the Russia the tableau engages with which is inappropriate or secretion potato it's the right time to learn potato you know Issa is busy treating patients there are other times he's not so now he has an opportunity that's called the right time the auspicious time the good time to learn what does the person do instead will be finally what does he do he wastes he he turns his heart mephonomies he turns his heart with a tolla to idleness he sits around and you know just does nothing low someone was up at night Etc when he turns his heart Hulu instead of learning he just wastes time they say the story with a classic name grabsoil Brook he was the Russian Khan in Tel Aviv in the 1940s he was a Russian Jew a talmud of the Rashad so as he's getting older we was probably we some of us at least maybe all of us no you get up in the middle of the night sometimes because you need to go to the bathroom that's part of aging right by some of us anyway had the same thing so he would say and I'll and I'll say as clean as I can he would say what am I getting up in a night for to go to the bathroom okay or he said it to go urinate he said it again just I don't want to repeat it to go urinate to go to go to the bathroom that's why God makes me wake up in the middle of the night he makes me wake up in the middle of the night to learn to tell you and he would grab a kasama cipher the safer because I'm Cipher and a mishna and he would learn the rest of his night he wouldn't go back to sleep so it so so here is just the opposite he gets up at night he has to go to the bathroom nope if you're tired you go back to sleep what if you're not tired what do you do so you know we kind of convince ourselves we're tired we're gonna try to sleep more or we just play around and we go down we have a nice snack and things like that we finally so downtown says this is another example of the rush of Italian of the rush of Italian that instead of doing that instead of learning and diving and doing something productively if you take one of all of these examples that I'm citing that y'all did episode and anything similar to them he at that time you called the full-fledged Russia why why because the bed within the soul within his soul dominance controls him at that time and the evil the bad invests itself at that time in the person's body and makes him sin um and contaminates him and defiles it but there is still hope and afterwards you see that Vestige Maisha that's left in the heart of a little good bounces back even after he wasted time not learning or having carnal thoughts sexual thoughts and all of that he Springs right back because he has still a Vestige of good in him which is withinship enough surely kiss where is this good within his Godly soul and here is the big word for the word harata he regrets um and he requests he pleads for pardoning us and forgiveness May Hashem of God so the alternative uses here issue the two words a he regrets and regrets means I regret doing what I did I regret wasting my time thinking about it inappropriate things and then he says to Hashem God please forgive me give me atonement give me forgiveness okay and remember he didn't act on sexual thoughts and he didn't speak anything forbidden he just didn't learn when he had a chance to learn when he does that if he does that Hashem God will forgive you God forgives him if his character his regret and his bakusha and his pleading is what we call with the appropriate true love what does that mean says it means it's based on the advice of our Sages and briefly that is if you did if you if you had an opportunity to do a positive commandment you didn't the Mr says you have to do chuva when you do chuva you get kapura is what if you not that you that's that you had an opportunity and you didn't but you actually desecrated Lo SASE do not do this and you did it the Mr says chew this toilet truth itself doesn't yet wipe away the issue you need Ryoma kipuri you have to fast your keeper so between shuva you're chuva and your Kipper in the tones also for the the mistress loss say that you violated finally the Mr says what if you desecrated things that are creases who misses best in things that are uh the Torah says you can you will get God forbid you'll be cut off cessation crisis and the death of the through the based him says the mishnah truth is not enough Yom Kipper is not enough over there you need your surname punishment suffering that's what the mission says I'm not going into how do you explain it it says what it says right so says the alternative depending on what you the the person who did the particular issue that we're discussing you need to do chuva haruya appropriate chuva which is he says which is kind of based on the advice of Ghazal now in other words like this what are we talking about here if this carnal sexual thought if it's an if it's considered a a a a a a a Prohibition that means Martin because be careful of any bad because I'll say that includes thinking fantasy sexual fantasies so that means you've desecrated a Mrs loss essay so what would be true for that and Yom Kippur you don't need for that if I understand this correctly you don't need for that to get punished you soon in the market one second but what if you ate pesos knowing his Pacer and you don't care then true is not enough yo Kipper is not enough and and and and me and God and you need to you will get punishment if you will get punishment and you will suffer from the punishment that your body aches and all that and you're so broken it's a hacked that will atone for your Invaders and that's why Heaven sometimes you hear and it's not something pleasant you know have you heard of someone say someone who you know is like deathly ill suffering whether it's from whatever you know we have doctor here you know you see you know I remember someone at Crown Heights it was such a such a talent you're such a fine person I knew him and the mafia hit him and he he couldn't it's hard to look it attacked his face and his body and and my heart and he went out just looking at him it was like such pain do we understand we don't understand but but and they were Eden who who was who said when they went through yasurin torture and Punishment and and pay him this you know they said this will cleanse me for some reason that when I come into damnation I'll be completely kept cleansed now of course we show them shouldn't ask for it but I'm just saying there is this concept because it's a mission it's a Gamera human issue and all that so the point is now terebus says here that that proper chuva Will based on what the issue is what the transgression is is necessary for your regret and your bakusha to be accepted and I just want to add one point to that what that what this means is have a you know when you see this particularly and maybe in general and Chabad maybe in particular but when you don't see this the balcantov we emphasize the good I say to if but at the same time you know see them were smart people and serious people and everyone whatever they knew what they did you know they weren't so they took things very seriously it wasn't like oh I can do whatever I want and then when it's time to go I'll say to God forgive me and I I get in you know that that wasn't that wasn't that's that's not a jewel and it's not a serious Jew and it's not definitely not a question they took it seriously and doubt that everyone is saying here in other words that are Russia the table light has to do and it's no joke and and and and again does it mean to say you you should be morbid and and and and and more and negative no Melancholy no God forbid but you gotta you gotta you gotta be serious and if if you know of an issue you do chuva and of course of course if the issue is too much for a person to handle and it'll make them sad Melancholy morbid you need to move on and you have a red bird you have a must be on you have a rub and you have a good friend how to work that out okay but so I'm not saying it's like the rambam rights someone should not someone he says a little about you and it used to eat not Kosher and it's gonna say I have to show that now even though I smelled it on kosher I'm not going to eat it that's how I know my chuva is luya it's a Ramba says the rambam someone who never ate rave should do that someone who did and he's about sugar for eating that kosher this particular nut culture doesn't have the strength that's what the rambam says and it's a challenge you're not going to do so to put yourself in the exact same place where the Aveda was done says that I'm bummed about children this area is not allowed to do with it that's a Rumba what's the psychology of this I think it's a a wonderful psychology that as as strong as we think we are we're not and to tempt ourselves to first of all this whole idea you have to prove to yourself that you're true yeah the placenta's approach is not that way you don't have to prove to yourself you have to live and do and and and and and be the same and do good things 26 will see he alludes to the concept and he says over here too drama doesn't say here like this is here um and prove that your regret and your pleading for chuva and forgiveness is true by facing the same by going through the same experience get up but get up get up the next night let's think you had an inappropriate thought get up the next night start thinking and then push away the thought and then you say wow it's the middle of the night and I'm able to change my thoughts I am a strong person that proves that my truth is doesn't say it the rambam doesn't say it what does the alternative to say as long as you do True Value through Mishary to my vacation which again is serious business it's not holding hands and laughing and drinking Scotch it's a serious business but when you go through the serious business you should know Hashem forgives you and when Hashem forgives you don't look back don't look back looking back is erroneous and and and dangerous in a way it's it's erroneous and dangerous and the people that tried and they failed and got messed up don't look back like the story I told you know the guy goes into the IRT this train and he picks the car with a jukebox The Rock and rolls playing right he's testing himself don't test yourself don't ask yourself you have a desire for rock and roll no problem you know this playing try not to go into that car no I'm gonna go into the car and see that I can stay in the car and still be a full-fledged about you with my beard and my payus and my yamakeitas and my learning and everything else so that's a doubt that every answer is your question directly on this because I really want to finish the chapter we were talking yesterday about about sins and about Mark shados and then that when it comes to my service a person it's not considered a baby doesn't get punished so I'm I'm trying to understand what we learned yesterday today Okay so okay so it depends what this mashava is if you have a mashava I'm going to steal that's not a sin but if you have a Karma of a fantasy of a male and female you know uniting having sexual sexuality that the mother says falls under when this and it is a Sith it depends what the my show is so that that's the point there's hardcore sin which is action then there's sin through deeper let's say of vulgar vulgar uh disgusting you know uh profane words mean about you know definitely about certain rock and roll songs where he says it's Usher you know if it's if if it's of sexual nature which is you know we're not talking about a a love song like uh like love songs we're talking about something that's driving the individual to a sexual thought and act and behavior but unless you writes it's it's forbidden see again I'm not saying everyone agrees with him but so it depends what the makshava is any other questions or thoughts anyone that wants to say anything okay yes me look actually I see it's 8 15. we'll stop here and tomorrow we'll finish Thursday Billy neither but again no no uh no no questions clear everything hillel's clear both Hills it's clear yes it reminds me of um two years ago quite a few years ago about weather and a popular band that's playing and they they took words to Helen and applied it to a song that was popular when I was a teenager and I got out of the circle dancing and uh said I missed 11 uh who was the free um from the Detroit area so why why are you living in the circle I said because last time I heard that Melody I was dancing with right [Laughter] and and you make a good point uh an important point because um a lot of that's happening at our weddings right here in Borough Park in Williamsburg in Muncie and and probably in bed shemish too you know um it's you know it's it's a sensitive issue and um one that certain rapunim and rabbis and rappers properly you know frown upon and make a big deal and others choose their fight and they say that should be the worst sin you know we got to deal with things that are more more more important but um I happen to I happen to relate to what you're saying because you know when I go to weddings and and they do that or even I don't want to say names but even some very very fine singers and a lot of their music is is based on non-jewish music that was the the beauty of reps that he made all all most of his music was all original and kosher you know what I'm saying he didn't he didn't pick up rock and roll and turned into a Jewish song He composed the song He composed it and and and and and for that and look I mean the schools that that the Merit that his music is used anywhere and everywhere world over today by and large from the most Hasidic and Litwick litwaka shoes and everything else it's it's probably it could you know that because he he he used either sure it was his it was him it was him so when the option of a rebel said when the Amsterdam said that the the gates of of Shara and again that were open to him I understand it and the way I just explained it you know what does it you know I mean it could take it literally the exactly the option of it says that the flavor Karl Bach he knew the Gate of of song okay you know but I I'm not on that level I don't know where that gate is I love singing and I know a lot of them and all that but you know to me to me it's more like the fact that he that he that he made his own original compositions and he used Yiddish music that that to me is a rational reason why he got the Swiss it's like our surely Michelle was like David in the morning which is like the biggest manufactory what's the score of the shoe that in 1929 and 30 when they had the Great Depression and people came to the spartic school here which still stands and they they Daven and then they changed clothes and they got on the train and they went to work in Manhattan because otherwise they wouldn't have a job on Monday right but a small group of people said no we don't know how we're going to eat next week but we're not going to and they broke away and they opened a shoe called chomray Shabbos the Guardians of Shabbos that that means you guys that's anxious fired are not guardians of Shabbos because you are some of you are going to work even though we know it's a self-sat is we see a snuffish and and you know you you are really ashamed of the shelves but we're we're gonna we're gonna hold out and look at this horse of those people that their shoe became the the definitely in America in America and all over it maybe even the overarch is slow so you know when an absolamer did his you know his original compositions coming from his heart and his yiddisha feelings that that goes a long way have a great day we'll see everyone tomorrow take care bye-bye bye-bye