Regret Past w Truth, 4 steps to healthy recovery w Happiness - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

So today we're learning chapter 26 in Tanya which is the first of nine chapters that I call the psychological part of Tanya deals with happiness sadness alacrity loneliness friendliness egotism on and on and on and we're at the point now in the chapter at the bottom of Paige Lama gimbal four lines from the bottom after the colon with a balatonya explain to us a method to rid ourselves from anxiety stemming from worries about children health and parnosa one second question one second please so precisely what you have rum seem to allude to is what the alter Reba addressed yesterday in the sheer that we had so I and your spare time reread it relearn it rethink it try to implement it but I do want to say before Maisha comment or question we shouldn't walk away from what we learned yesterday that we should God forbid look for service for problems for issues for pain for suffering that's not Jewish it's not Tori in fact we say several times a year we say a famous statement it's during the high holidays and and I think one other time it says you're talking to God your good Treasures open us for open up for us and there's two ways of reading it the word which means for us can either go on the last word or can go on the word before the last word is Tifton open up open up for us or you can read it the word is Tove before London toast emphasizes that we want Treasures of yours God we want your Treasures but London that's good for us everything is good as we learned yesterday in fact suffering comes from a higher place as we learned yesterday but nevertheless what is our request during Phila it's uh we are asking for Treasures of God for God to bestow his treasures upon us that that tired that for us is good not for you it's good for you it's good everything is good but even but what we want is Treasures that we could see is good or another way of saying it the toe the rebel always use this phrase if you listen to the rappers from bringings a good that's observable and revealed so now hello the question is how do you reconcile the two on one hand I'm sharing with you that it is not proper to request Soros because and Punishment because you want to experience the UK of the shame Hashem the Army discuss you that we learned yesterday right and as I just told you this word of it's wrong I just I'll tell you've learned what we request is Treasures that for us is observable and good on the other hand we learned yesterday that the highest form of Gili is is this UK which cannot reveal itself in the normal way in this world so it crashes crashes I.E it causes problems terrorists troubles punishment so how do you reconcile the two so I'm not going to go into it because this is a basic philosophical question that I'm not the first one to ask but great Jewish philosophers the rambam ramban the the the going and all the Jewish philosophers and thinkers dealt with these questions the kuzari on and on everyone deals with this you know but basically basically the short answer is what our request should be is for the good observable good when Hashem for whatever and I said yesterday it was repeating when hashems infinite in his infant wisdom gives you a curveball you should know that it's coming from a very high place that's all but not that you should read give me more no one lying on his deathbed and Dying God forbid with suffering with pain says give me more they either say take me away I've had too much or they say please Hashem stop I can't take it anymore have you ever heard a normal person say give me more no it's not it's not Jewish and it's not even Musser that's not Musser you know we talk about Musser to forgive for our sins they used to you know they say they used to roll in snow and then and put honey on themselves and have bees bite them and all of that even if that's that's true which I'm not sure it's 100 true but even if it's true it means I really don't want it the only reason I'm asking for it is because I got to get rid of my my rough hide my sins so the muscle approaches to use punishment as a way to rid yourself of sin but in truth I don't want it I don't want it I if I if I didn't sin I wouldn't ask for it okay Maisha what do you want to say I want to ask a question yesterday actually okay just a question going back to the lesson of of of Godzilla where he says right after look in the big letters a and the next line it says I won't ask a question about that about because we talked to her yesterday we know that those are the big three so the big three why the word the filo and even and even foreign that should be like the main thing okay like an afterthought right very good question so the basic answer is there are anxieties and worries that come mimilate the alma from worldly matters that don't necessarily involve your children your health and your paranosa but it's a serious issue not every time you're having uh you have a a business deal on a table that's either gonna make make your pregnancy or break your panels it's not but nevertheless it's a significant issue so that issue is not an anxiety that is like Do or Die life and death so when we talk about we're talking about anxieties that are Do or Die Do or Die meaning you know if I don't make this deal I don't have what to eat if what then why the word Dr ember's saying that even that if you have an anxiety that comes from worldly matters which is legitimate that there's good reason why you have anxiety so therefore he's going to give us a recipe how to get rid of that anxiety as well and even if your anxiety are from the basics of life which is Children Health and sustenance Partners on the basic level even so there you would think that it's Justified to have the anxiety in other words if God forbid there's a health issue isn't it Justified to happen to be worried of course right Dr Reba says no he says no why because you're being delivered a gift that's what he says here whether we get it or we don't we relate to it but that's what he says here that's why it's the Outfield if again my if the issue isn't crucial so you can you know then you could say you know why are you anxious in other words if it's not crucial what your anxiety is not justified but seemingly when it is crucial in one of the three matters of bonakayama there it is Justified because it's owner that's why he says I feel and so even though it's so crucial you still shouldn't you still should should know should get rid of that anxiety okay it's it's a very like I told you yesterday this is a very heavy recipe but it's it's an important one let's go on okay everyone gimbal four lines on the bottom the last two words after the colon so we addressed still now a sadness coming from worldly matters now he says if a person is sad upset because because of his of heavenly matters in other words sins he sinned against Hashem in the in different ways so how do you deal with that how do you get rid of that because remember what's the objective Hillel simcha so the Bruce so you would think like this when it comes to gosh means even if it's bonakayama drama says what's more important to you God or or the material that's the that's the equation that he made before but here we're talking about rookni his spirituality spirituality should be important to you right if I did a sin should it bother me or not I've run if you did a sin should it bother you yes or no answer me please yes right yes absolutely absolutely so why should why does the out why should I get rid of the the feeling that's what he's saying here I'm sorry here sort of luscious Aces but not sure see the words over here means one needs to place what needs to find advice Maisha the language here is different than the language you quoted earlier in the with the big lettersa why because it's a very this is a hidden message in Tanya and a very important one I heard this once because when it comes to spiritual matters out that I was teaching you it should be more important to you than physical matter so here it's not enough just to have advice here you have to search for advice here you have to find some kind of way of ridding yourself of being sad for spirituality because spirituality really should bother you more than what you have in your bank and more than your health and more than the issues with your children that's another Hidden Gem that the altered says here which is mind-boggling it's such an eye-opener but let's see what he says so what advice can be given to rid ourselves from worries and anxiety coming from my concern of sins which really I should be concerned about to get rid of those anxieties and sort of claima surely it's needless to say bishasa if these anxieties and worries come to you during your service during davening during learning at the time of davening and learning is supposed to be in a joyful happy mood it's not a time for sadness Ella but even eleafilu but even means next page page 66 even someone that's a business person meaning in the way of the of the land business if there enters the person's mind while he's working I yesterday I did this and the sin Us Thousand ever said concern about sins during diving is wrong you know why you're supposed to be happy during happening you're not supposed to be depressed sad that's not the time midnight prayer is the time that's the time to make a husband of your avarice to cry to be sad and all that but when you're diving Abram you're supposed to be dominating with a simple with a joy so that's why it's the it's the wrong timing for sadness over sins that's his answer in a nutshell to the first question what the question was when it comes to be concerned about sins you would think that anxiety and worries is Justified and his answer is it's not justified because it's the wrong timing okay now what about when you go to work I know everyone said is retiring somebody still is working and middle all of a sudden he hasn't thought about something that he did that you know in the past and and it really bothers him and gets him very sad you would think during that time when you work there's no you don't have to be resemble when you work doesn't say it anywhere I mean you know a person should always be with simpler but you know it's not that you're not allowed to not be sad during work yes Maisha hot sauce um and this just sounds like it's actually a pretty significant thing that as a person shouldn't be said during diving but it should say let's say I'm just curious why is it that in the titles Hashem sitter current there's no drinking a ticket not so I'm just curious okay mom is for two seconds because it's totally it's a good question but it's not relevant here and and I want to really get through the text but basically the Chabad way for based on the outer rev is the implication is that we do Chris Michelle Amita replaces and by the way I think in the outer episode there is thick consoles just for the record okay so the center you're talking about was chosen by the Reb in the 1940s as a city of everyone because there was a Durham and that siddler was not by the way it was not originally a Chabad sitter so that's it that did not have thick and cut souls in it that's why when the Chabad said that was put together was put together without taking katsus okay let's leave this if we at some other time make a note and we'll discuss it at length to make sure it's clear but the bottom line answer is that Krish Michelle Amita in Chabad is the replacement for taking katsus okay so now the outlet says so if there enters a sadness while you're while you're working you would think that that's Justified look at the second line without the rabbit says this is a powerful one word that people don't sometimes pay attention to be your Dua it is known it is a fact it's screaming loud that what Yoni sit down we need you that it this is the the deception of the yatesahari into the machine so right now in his world he's working so at this time he might say I'm not sitting and learning seriously Tanya it really bothers me says that if you're so bothered and you become sad because of it right if it's a time of work which doesn't happen anyway you should know it's coming from the Yates Sahara apart from the Yates are told wow why it's to throw you for a loop and to get you to do more gross indulgences you see Habra this is the psychology it's it's very simple it's really ABC of psychology when a person becomes sad they give up and you know what happens when you give up you feel empty your your being feels empty so you look for fulfillment you ain't going to shoot when you can't get what you want you go and you indulge more and you find all kinds of students when you end up in with kaifa axis sadness psychologically we're not talking psychologically when a person goes into a sad mode that means their their physical being is sad now and they feel helpless what's the next step I want I don't want to feel helpless I want to be fulfilled what do they normally do they go and get title any kinds of tiger from food to drugs to drinking etc etc that's without it exactly exactly okay of course of course this is not Dr Evans but he's just sang it here very nicely be a Dua you should know that sadness coming to a person for the sins that the person did in middle of work is not to get you to be a Holier Jew a better yeed it's there to throw you in look at the words it's that make you jump into more indulgences God forbid connect as is known how do you have true sadness that's justified by God it's proper to be sad for your sins you're working now you're supposed to be working figuring around whatever you're doing so how is it that during the time of work your mind wanders off and justify and and and and you want to argue that I'm concerned about what I did in the past my sins so it's the wrong time yeah it's the wrong time and the plot of the eight Sahara is not that's without the represent here it's not coming from the holy side it's coming from the Yates Sahara and you know that this is very very real there are people that in the name of the Yates of Tafe and in Torah they justify feeling down and upset and depressed because of their sins of the past everyone everyone with their issues so the alternative says number one during the time of davening and learning it's the wrong timing you're supposed to be happy in simcha mode where you dive an alert number two if you have it during work you would think then it's okay the answer is no because you're supposed to be working and the only reason why you're getting it now is to make you give up and go more into taiva that's what he says foreign how is it that now in middle of his work there Comes This utmost which it will to be a love of God or all of God feeling how is it that that happens during the happening it ain't happening during davening during diving a yeet I'm sorry not during the afternoon during work he's supposed to work right most of your middle of your drawing that's your work all of a sudden you're drawing about something you know and all of a sudden you say hey I goofed up and you become sad that's a disturbance to your work it's not an a to your work that you leave for not at night before you go to sleep you cry your heart out if if you're motivated that way and you do chuva right but in the middle of work you're supposed to concentrate so what's going to happen you'll you if you take it seriously and you're a serious guy you'll get very depressed upset you said the whole thing's baloney and I can just do what I want and and you give up so you go more into tiger that's what Donald says you're you're you're fooling yourself you the individual who thinks that during that having a thought of sadness for your sins during work is Justified it's a false uh it's a trap it's a trap that the Yates Sahara puts upon you let's continue behold Nations whether this feeling of sadness enters your mind during learning or toughening obviously avoid the whether it comes to you not during [Music] but this is what you should think Ace now is not the appropriate time we also submit this for True sadness even to be worried about stringent very bad hardcore sin that I did in the past casual foreign and those times have to be the right time if you're going to have the phone ringing and your kids nagging and your wife asking you to do something it ain't the right time you have to have quiet concentration otherwise it shows you're not serious otherwise it's just a fleeting thought that's why look at the out the rivers Russian come here see them you have to set times when you're going to spend time doing true verb about your past iniquities transgressions the Shahs equation the time has to be the right time that's what that's what he alludes to midnight you know is considered the appropriate spiritual time number three only be yeshuvadas the phone ringing you can't have the kids now you can't have the wife yelling calmness Stillness I think it's the hardest thing you only it'll only be hard if you never do it the first time once you do it once and twice and three times it becomes easier you're right so it's very hard in the beginning but listen you know uh you have a room you have a shoe you have a bedroom if you need you lock your door and you do it 10 minutes 5 minutes 15 minutes and not every night you're gonna do every night you're gonna you get once a week Thursday night people do it Thursday night make a real serious question now the question is what should I think about during that time I'm a sinner I'm a bum I'm a goof off no Liz by name look at this says and this is that's why it's not Musser at that time you should contemplate right away we're talking about his bonanut big doulas Hashem the greatness and awesomeness of God I shall hurt the Lord I have sent to him don't put the emphasis on your sin it's not about you it's about him I spit him in the face he is awesome he's magnificent he's gavaldic and I basically I don't want to say any others but there's here there's words for it okay today is when you will put the meditation on how awesome God is then your heart will be contrite truthfully this in a true way of frustration you see there is false tears you know about false tears right I can't say it online I'll let you figure it out when you have false tears there's sometimes we do something during the day which causes us to have false tears when we go to the laboratory it's baloney crocodile tears you want true tears for your don't put the emphasis on you me I'm so great so how can I sin against God you're nothing you Hashem is awesome if you're so awesome and you gave me a chance and I spit you in the face I have to change takes this whole idea of motion of Krishna shalamita and taking hot sauce and turns it upside down saying if you're going to if you want it to be lasting don't put the emphasis on yourself put your emphasis on God think about how great God is and automatically if Hashem is great where's my respect for him he wants me to do it this way and I do it my way that's what he says let's continue as this this time is this time is explained elsewhere the charmness by the gam King and David Sosa explain that immediately after one's heart is contrite during these set times then the sadness will be removed completely from the heart the Yaman you'll believe with complete faith that God has removed your sin the Rival Slayer and God can forgive you over and over the Stout that was alluding to the fact that some people they do true when they say maybe I didn't do it good enough and they never trust themselves that's also from the eight Sahara if you do chuva properly you have to walk away CLE I I'm cleansed God cleansed me but you have to do sugar properly so therefore if you have set times at the right time with your calmness and the meta and the focus is on God then you're forgiven now the next day I goof up again you do again to his these four steps you're forgiven again and again and again and again because God forgives us is how tolerant and able to forgive us a human being is not that's why Dr represents here Abram God is the abundance of forgiveness all of us here imagine if we do something to each other once twice three times again no way you are don't mean it I'm not forgiving you that's that's the normal attitude God doesn't say that Hashem doesn't say that as long as you do these four steps and you do them seriously this down the river says is the true simcha that comes after the true sadness remember earlier in the chapter drama said the objective is to be with simcha and when does a real simcha come only after a true sadness so it's an amazing thought in other words if we don't engage in these four steps then we cannot have True simcha by Hashem true bashem requires true sadness what's true sadness that the focus is on God how awesome he is done at the right time at set times not you know flip it one night nothing you gotta pick a day you gotta pick a night you gotta pick a time you gotta pick an amount of time set 15 minutes 10 minutes five minutes whatever it is whatever you're and totally focused in other words if you can't focus more than five minutes make it five minutes but those five minutes put your cell phone away lock your door go under your Towers tonight we don't wear towels whatever and by the way if a person finds it hard to do this at night let them do it in the morning before you start chakras even though it's not the time for it but sometimes some of us myself included we get tired at night so in the morning you're fresh if that's your strong point then do it before you begin now and again this does not require crying and tears but listen if you're so bothered that you sinned against God you know that God is so awesome you feel you hurt him and you really hurt him to the point where it causes you to cry and tear so be it but someone should say I must cry during Krishna if not I'm a faker you're a faker because you're a excuse me you're an idiot sorry to say that your whole your whole the whole building the whole that you built the whole Mountain the whole that you built is wrong who says you have to cry you have to be sincere no because I'm just addressing that some people like motion life discuss some people you know on Rosh Hashanah they must cry and if they don't cry they didn't do true for Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur I mean the Arizona does say by the way whoever doesn't shed a tear into 10 days of juva you know didn't do true but properly there is a concept but what I'm saying is that's not coming from I'm gonna force myself to cry that's absurd you must cry and if you didn't I won't sell you the membership seat it's like come on come on become a servant of God find a relationship with Hashem and think about that how God is so awesome and yet he's so loving and then had a wife fit into God's plan and am I disturbing his plan and that bothers me and then it really bothers you you if you cry you cry if you tear your tear and you don't you don't so that's why Dalton doesn't here say Hebrew if you look at the recipe he doesn't say here you have to shed tears and and again the fourth point is Liz brainan that you you sinned against him not that you're the sinner the emphasis is him have a great Shabbos we'll see everyone with shrimp next week Monday have a great Shabbos take care foreign