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continuing the Reb's advice IG CER
series on the topic of
divorce I titled this religion is no
cause for shom bias problems Shalom bias
is harmony of the home peacefulness
between the husband and wife now let's
read what the rebba
writes you write about the shom bias
difficulty you both are having because
one of you is more religious than the
other I do not see the justification for
shom bias problems because of
this there are two basic reasons why
this is so it goes against a from
person's Faith a religious person's
faith and religion when he is pressured
to disregard certain Mitzvah
Commandments on the other hand and when
a non-observant person becomes religious
it does not go against his beliefs
rather it is uncomfortable for
example when a person who do does not
yet keep kosher holds your back from
eating food that is not Kosher it might
be uncomfortable but nevertheless there
is kosher food available to substitute
for the non- kosher food
another reason why differences in the in
the degree of religious observance is
not a Justified reason for the lack of
Shalom bias is that you both were
blessed with children and therefore need
to do everything it takes in a Jewish
way to keep the peace for their sake
this is from Sparks ofus the Hebrew
section page
98 so it seems from the Reb's advice
here that to argue that
um that
uh religion is grounds
for the lack of shom bias for fights and
disagreements Etc the rebba says here
that's not the case in other words
there's really other issues but to use
religion as the excuse is not the case
now I must say that this too needs to be
looked at carefully discussed with a
with a rabbi with a teacher with mashia
with someone who understands the greater
picture because at
times if there's no
commonality after quite a while between
the husband or wife and religious
matters it becomes problematic
so either you adopt the attitude like
hey I'll do my thing he'll do his thing
and hopefully will come together at some
point and I've seen
that then it's possible to be in such a
marriage
or you just work it out together be that
as as may this is the Reb's letter
regarding this
issue another issue of Shalom
bias in your letter you mentioned that
there is a lack of Shalom bias in your
home since my saintly father bless your
marriage and the words of the tadik are
Everlasting therefore you must appease
your spouse and explain to her the above
if necessary the Elder kidin can help
clarify the issue and importance of
Shalom bias this is from the Reb igis
Kesh volume 21 page 121
so here
too what the rebba is
saying that when a
sadic gives their blessing for a
marriage there's something holy and God
Godly about it and just to dismiss it is
no
answer and if
there's a a a non understanding of that
by one one of the spouses speak to Elder
he says to people who can explain it in
a way that will make
sense
finally working it
out when with God's help her husband's
financial situation will
improve her spirit will automatically
become better both of them should not be
overly sensitive and they will stop
fighting
meanwhile she should not pay attention
to her shortcomings and this will
also help them reduce their
arguments her getting a job is very
appropriate this is from igis KES volume
26 page
258 and this this topic here that the
Reb discusses
here is important because at times it's
the financial end that gets in the way
between a
couple and the Reb is saying that surely
it has to be dealt
with but nevertheless to use that as
a an
excuse for constant bickering and
fighting and disagreements which is the
lack of Shalom bias is not justified
F you know all of these things it's
easier said than done I really
understand that but together we could
work it
out people spouses couples give discuss
it with people you trust people who are
understanding and things will work out
and you'll have a wonderful marriage
thank you
