Perfecting Feelings: Joy and Frustration - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

they page 366 were towards the end of the of the chapter and we'll finish today British em and tomorrow I would like to speak a little bit about Shiva super combos and the three weeks of give a little sear on that okay so we're learning here about the the importance of having positive anxiety and because the demurrer says secrets of the Torah are not given only to those that worry within themselves they're concerned about the theta and they're anxious in a way that they want to know the secrets they're not happy just knowing the outer surface they're looking for the secrets which is the entire schita of the Baal Shem Tov tell us about Shem Tov so this is really up our alley this whole important idea let's continue now page 366 it's the end of the first paragraph five lines the six lines from the end of the paragraph the third word on that line home the line starts with the words shepherd rows a Torah you have it yoni you got it yeah okay so there's two words in this helm Iceland daf care when Misha Libra died bikini boy because I'll say Mohsen who is given by Hashem the secrets only one that worries within themselves they lay the egg who engine hum birdie knows what does it mean to have a whirring heart that means to have frustration Fahad aqueon I love the world Kaguya we have got the gaya with the game is to yearn to lie little what and then ya hit someone right and you're longing and yearning I wanted I needed so they got glue him huh boy him actually a simpler Enoch when I got GU him are true and not false and not contrived when it follows a simpler and I make a joy and pleasure that you have about her Shannon about Torah and if you feel happy about Torah and I said and you have pleasure from that then you're got glee and my real and here - I'm not gonna elaborate by should but I just gotta finish to mindler it's a great insight to think about and you guys can think about it as you go on through the day that when how do you know someone's got glue am i real how do you know if someone's yearning and longing is real and it may be fake maybe it's its wannabe it may be its hopeful how do you know they're real so that ever says here if they come after simplifying dick once you have real simcha in your life about what you should have seen about a sin theta kedusha then when you're lacking that you say I need it I must have it but if you don't have real simple Enoch in her salmon and Toyota and in living the life like I need then to say I yearn for you i sham you're full of it excuse the expression you're a faker or you're a fool you don't really have real gukhui in its wannabe W it's it's contrived Kaguya but real yearning and longing comes when you feel something's missing from you you use the word missing guilty right to say something from you you have to really be in love with it you have to be really happy about it you have to be really what it's like today and we take it for granted and all the sudden it's taken away from us and now again round okay okay so the difference between someone who has real degree in for going to shul is if they're going to shul was part of them and it was who they are so then you know not having it you have a great at SEMA own a great thirst and it's a real thirst you know and this by the way it's it's easily said what I'm saying but to feel this and to live it is a whole experience this is the experience of bonding and attaching yourself to Hashem potato and to something that's important or someone who you care about you know Slade my MELAS talks about playlist album in sheer Assyrian lovesick and he uses the muscle of a man and a female where the the person if the person is not in their life they become sick out of love because the kid loves them so much and it's a metaphor for us IV in our avoid the session when you don't have something that is important to you and who you are then you get clay masala you get sick from from love sick meaning it really bothers you let's continue Rahzel CLE IV were five or six lines from the end of the sect the list the first paragraph in 360 c6 gazelle clearly Nick waha Tom Shippey drazi Taylor and this is the vessel for the pleasure and reason oh and of the secrets of the tailor the alien South particle happily truly absolutely as needless below your Nicaragua bit is live at here is another important bombshell line that the rebel says to experience the infinity of God which is bleed fool EF char is impossible to be grasped leo snip truss to have lo be an igloo vive not old not just by having pleasure and guess what for libel divas LaVon and not just by being frustrated if you find someone who's only in the mode of Olenick and he says I'm all I'm all excited than ecstatic about godliness but he doesn't display any frustration with his own advisor in regard to Hashem he's not there and the same is true if someone's only frustrated but he doesn't display any by neg any pleasure and love he's also not there and I said I tell you this over and I saw this with the rabbit the rabbit can be speaking and one moment he's so happy he so joyous he's clapping he's singing is making saying behind two people and a few minutes later he starts speaking and he can't chokes up but he can't talk we're still in goes how do you go from ecstasy in God to frustration in God what we're learning here is that's the truth because when it comes from your very essence they come together because they're really one of the same that's the point of the mindler when are they different notions and even opposite notions that there's no room for the other when you're in one when you're in one orientation there's no room from the other orientation when it's not you but if it's really you there's a place place for both when you have a chance just check out what it says at the end of chapter 34 and Tonja the other quotes of pieces are sadness is aged and once the heart and happiness is edged on the other side of the heart and they work Simon they work simultaneously if you plugged in the right way came back to the text Cunningham Jakob hurry neva said though only when are you really on board and on the right path when both come together the aleena Crescenta the pleasure and the end the joy it's a tannish Hetson for in yuba tooth town by feeling the essential issue here that so delicious is so good mohamed eaters Happiny me obamas l and the inner frustration that's caused because of this in other words when you listen to this when you really appreciate something and become one of something it bothers you very much so when you don't have that in your life or it bothers you when yeah it bothers you that that there are times when you're not living this type of life and you can't live with yourself and you're like I'm happy why why why why other times that were unhappy so you ask an average person will tell you because you you're not fulfilled you're lacking this you're lacking that city says you're unhappy because your true self realizes how much more potential you have and your true self knows what's good and pleasurable and really special and anything short of that makes you unhappy so therefore don't blame your unhappy unhappiness on your wife on your kids on your job on your rabbi I'm president Trump uncovered blame it on yourself because the person is living with happiness and that's a big avoider two very big and so difficult to fight but if we live with happiness and we're content then then the frustration is coming from a healthy perspective so in other words frustration is not only acceptable but frustration is obligatory that's what we're learning in this Mimer if anyone just you know sees themselves in the mode of happiness and not in the mode of frustration that's proof that he hasn't really become one with what he's happy about I want to make sure that you follow am i clear what I'm saying something that is dear and important to you is the stimulus for the frustration when you don't have that and so therefore it's not coming from an unhealthy place it's coming from a healthy place and if it's coming from a healthy place it's all about you not about someone else we tend to is blame the other person or the other thing for what's going down and that's why I say and then believe me I'm not there yet but I understand what we're learning here at least to help I do that what we understand from this is like this listen to this that the fact motion and I were talking about before about the covet and how everything's chaotic still today it's true Hashem sent it into the world but a sham sent it to me and to you and therefore we need to take responsibility in other words let's call a spade a spade are we blaming God maybe ourselves so I wanted to say well everything done so much heavy on me everything's gonna Shem we didn't have the cove it before poram or whatever before January ever right we didn't have it the open lean and now it's here and look what it's causing so Hashem you eat it excuse the expression please I shall forgive me for using those words listen we're learning here in the moment that that attitude means that you're really not in love with fashion that we're not really love with a chef if we're in love with that yep what is your question sure can we say can we say though we know though that can't we say I know that this is a cloud we can you say that go to Sparkle shine me spurn you put me in this world you gave me talents abilities the situation that I'm in but you but let us if you want us to serve you know I want to say what I want to say is if you want us to do we're supposed to do so make the situation in the world be one that we can do our we can do what we're supposed to do this world meaning meaning you know like I'm taking this off of like you know stories like you know you know that story what's brought about i'm tish above i forgot what was that sinem that we're having that they were playing up and sitting up in the attic and they were like they had this rope and you know whoever walked in the door that would pull the rope and they would lift him up and then the red man himself walks in the door and they lift him up so he screams - goes bonkers wrong clue look at you look at you look at you consider them they're not they they can't deal with the day so taking away already writing just thinking can we also use that same formula to I wouldn't I would answer but you can if you take responsibility you can't if you don't take responsibility because we responsibility what what are you what are you what are we doing about the situation in other words what's going to happen is going to happen that's his borehole and do we have a right to ask a share of absolutely but what you said hashem please take this away but the the fact until it's taken away and it's here we need to take responsibility and in manis Friedman has a theory and he got he was lambasted for it you know but he doesn't have a theory and I don't want to go I don't want to get into this now because it's a whole separate parsha you know with the abuse the abuse the abused should be abused blame the abuser or so the abused take responsibility it's a very very touchy subject so you know in a way but I'm extrapolating you know in a way we're being abused I'm you know I'm metaphorically speaking okay we're being slapped around beaten down broken into pieces so now it's now you have two choices either you say what can I do to make good out of it that's me that's what it means taking responsibility simultaneously you have a right and an obligation to dive into a sermon but you said before I said please take it away so it's not a contradiction mission so what I was saying is but if you don't take responsibility and you don't find the good within the problem then it's a cop-out what you're just asking us in because you just want to get it will get off easy so again should we search for the terrorists absolutely not you're not allowed to lobby but once I said for whatever infinite reason gave you a Sarah gave you a problem gave you a challenge you have an obligation to make use of it in a positive way and that's my answer to you and I think it's clear yes thanks I just so just I don't know it's like the question would never put something it's similar to emotion that's that's Kim is excuse me is that a lot of the times don't we make our own service I mean yeah shem sent us to cope with Hashem said you know a lot of bad things the Holocaust but a lot of times we are we we can't get out of our own way and we make our own service it's a bad investment or you know that judgment no absolutely absolutely and you know the famous Seifert yummy on the on Yom Kippur and the Asura see made sugar what do we say and I'll hate you keep outrage at the pond Allah finesse huh I shan't forgive us for the iniquity for the transgression b8 Sahara for me using my yetzer Hara wait a minute every of eras the 8th Sahara so I have a special line item for the y8 Sahara all the other outfits are for this sinner for that sin for that sin right who prompts all those sins the hor oh so then if so why make a special line-item Hashem please forgive me for having a gate Sahara what a minute you came to the gate Sahara Whitely why am I asking for forgiveness and the the explanation and the vert is there certain things you Yates or Hara wouldn't think about doing and only you with your freewill slept the 8th saw her into it that's what you were saying you okay you know so all the other you know cheating and and jealousy and and disrespect and on and on and on those are things that is the norm for the Yeats of horror but then there's certain things that you bring upon yourself you just don't stop and you just forget the heart isn't even is not interested in participating and you don't let him rest and you slept the eighths or her in I'll hate you for no finesse I asked uh sim forgive me even for that mr. das that I was so wacky and cuckoo that I brought the Yeats of her into something that I didn't want to do but I never heard that that's heavy that's heavy Robin ever heard that concept that's why that's why you gotta come to considers but rabbi thousand seven eight in the morning in the afternoon you'll hear things you never heard before and now you next through Yom Kippur you'll stop and you won't just but say words not know what you're saying you'll take a half an hour you put your towels over your head then you'll cry your heart out about this one line and then I promise you after Yom Kippur you'll say that was great the first Yom Kippur I really felt like I cleaned my slate or at least I'm on the road anyway but no but but it's a deep concept than anyone should say he pushes laughing if he should say it both in and you only bring up good points important ones so one hand we bring in ourselves it's it's a by the way senator it's a rule in class al mikeraboy wait Sahara you know Megara boy means that you this eviscerates done it means he he excites his own yetzer hara to get involved in other words stop stop here so the eight Sahara won't antagonize you more no he doesn't stop here so he is assisting the eight Sahara to do its job don't do that and by the way that's the whole idea of the d'haran see Allah Torah the friends avi what's the whole I did yesterday all discussing with some others I see the Emir but the Satmar o satmar rebbe everyone looks as a fanatic you know anti-israel the anti Zionist everything else right and I explained to them because I studied him you know when I wrote my book on Safin Allah Babich that I don't believe that's how who he was in this really self he didn't want you should get here so he made a friends over here so if I stop you here I don't get here like what Israelis yes between the Arabs in there right I don't want you to come in here so I make a fence there but if you if if you would not come past your border and you would stay there I would never make a fence but I know that you're not gonna listen and you're going to come in I have to make a fence there so there the whole idea of shablow Torah is based on this idea but let's get back to the text TM so he says wahdahu Mikayla onion as Eddy's dust then when a person finds room in his heart to express both happiness and frustration then he reaches and add his dust this is who he is Keith Reaser selenium Africa's a doctor because grasping the idea getting it having it warrants of both noses and this is even though the coming up tomorrow begins the three weeks this is the cycle of Judaism it's a cycle that that demands and has both happy periods and sad periods and if you mix the two and you then it's a problem what do I mean mix the two there's a big time for this enough time for that that's why he said earlier that if the tears coming from frustration from a negative side and you're in the mode of simcha that he says you can't really experience that those tears but if the steers are coming from your happiness that's possible you know so look we stand under the Hupa we come to a hospital this always Marvel's me you know this is such such a beautiful time the hustle and cover the relatives your marrying off your child and what do we do at the last moment of the Hupa and with the hazael say how close after I've hit them everything follows the last thing the bottom line people just remember what you do the last time in your life the last rep read write what you did 30 years ago everyone forgets but the last thing I remember well want you to remember 30 years ago what's the last thing they do with the Hopa we break a glass because we're mourning the destruction of the base a big dose and and I what I think about this it's so sad that this is what I'm left with from the whole hook now why there was the kuba and the brushes and the DVAR Torah and and then the whole the band of course that the condition to be thrown well you know me like but the last thing the last thing is what I was stuck in my head and what's the answer there is no complete simpler without the realization that the base of knickers is not here and understand that and that should not break you but it should get you to move further how could I build the base on mikdash that's the answer that is the result that's what ascent wants of us not to fall into a depression class of surely but to go further as the famous verse from the Carlina there's no group there's the Atlas depression of melancholy is not a sin is not a nivara but what it leads to no other sin can lead to most admires escape they don't see him in this he should be hearing this and then and then Moses sit down and listen you'll find you'll hear gems and you'll have what to work with don't escape I'm okay with you okay so the vert is the Carlina the holy tsadik said being depressed or being melancholy it's not a sin that you won't find it in the 613 I'm sorry I'm even the seven rabbinic ones you want to be said you're allowed to but he said what this issue can lead to no other synth can lead to depression melancholy and then he said going to the mixer there's not a Mitzvah for a man it's found amidst a search app but what going to the mixer can lead to no other Mitzvah can lead to and why is that why is that ask anyone on the street from all of the Hasidim I bet you they won't be able to tell you and I'm gonna tell you what happens when you go to the mixer you unroll your your in your essence and you immerse yourself under the water you say to a Shem I'm all yours all my clothing and all my facade and all my understanding and all my feelings forget it for a few minutes when I go into the mixer I am in a true state and that true state itself I immerse myself under the waters of purity the waters of a shell you use you submerge yourself actively proactively into the waters of a shell and that is the base of all mixes because when a mitzvah comes along and you say it's hot it's uncomfortable it's difficult I can't do it I don't want to do it leave me alone if you were to remember that you're only here because of a sham you would you wouldn't say that you wouldn't feel that you would be running to the Mitzvah the mix experience is the embodiment of saying I'm all yours and that's why the holy Karolina rebus said going to the mixer it will bring the person to such Heights in avoidance a sham that no other Mitzvah can bring if you have a better explanation use it but why am I saying this here because you know there are certain things that we we picked up in yeshiva that weren't in a way mandatory but important and one of them in our yeshiva in the poverty Shiva was going to the mixer she candle everyday at least Monday and Thursday with the Torres red air of Shabbos and of course hopefully you know given it's a healthy situation you know talking about when things are are normal and the faucet they're a bear Kahane prep barrel hey he lived in there to talk about he was a Russian Jew so I heard from someone who hosted him in his house in in my I think Moscow a Leonard about somewhere Russia during the 30s 1930s or 40s and he was constantly on the run because the KGB was after him so there was a myth for nearby but the Mitzvah was shut because the government said all Jewish institutions need to be shut at least the other Talmud Torah is and the mitzvot cuz the mitzvot that saw as a woman's Mitzvah they didn't really see it as a men's mikvah and in women you know goes to the mitzvah before we have relations and having a child so anything to do with the the the continuation of the Jewish people they tried stopping right so he heard there's a mitzvah and he has to adopt say goes to the mixer and there's the however he saved in Hebrew but there's the the person in charge the Travis say says I'd like to go to intimate first he says I'm sorry it's closed we're not letting anyone in because if we let him in he might any was in the winter it was very cold freezing forget a cold he'll have to go to the doctor the hospital they'll interrogate him they'll check him out they'll find out where he's staying and it'll just cause more more of us to be put a sent away put away so the person who told this his brother lives actually in in air distribution love in his name miss you love and he's a he's also was also so fair but he's already 90 year old man sells anger zone very special custody recovered mr. lovin told me that the way this Rebecca thing became outraged at the sarvesh jumping up and down he said if you don't give me the key to the mix I'm gonna break the door open and and and he was just added the truth and he just gave him the key he had to go to the mixer now that's an extreme situation okay but it just shows you that even though going to the mixer is not a Mitzvah it's not like pudding I'm feelin but for this better to say going to the mixer was what made us fill in a special experience so you know when we go through a time when we have you know a global pandemic we have you know issues that everyone and anyone will have the and Eden everyone agrees there is a there's something much greater than us that's happening we need you know it's good to have an extra purification so if you're able to get to a mitzvah if you can't get to a mental stand on to the shower and have in mind as the water comes down that this this these few moments that I'm standing extra in the shower the water coming down is my mixer because there is a concept like that to the beauty you know to purify this time I thought came to me let's continue the my McCready want to finish it may you can behave of the Year assemblies be I thought so to love and fear can be together collaboration da Matta podium shame is mana hero right the days of all our days of fear then the crime beyond the narrator him the cold days evolved the whole you throwing the tacos okay Goosen all hidden feel close to our sin during that time well okay Nene avoided initially people avoid the arts means what is the avada what are you working with our servant keeper yoni with your essence behave of the year to care cut love or fear together they come together as Lu a mr. colleano one long day next page 367 hello yes is how cuz the young velena there is no differentiation between day and night he inflamed careful it's all both are one one of the same one long day he goes back to the castle that he quoted earlier in the mind mary zell money houma young Malaysia the fazal said only that whoever says Margot Sorel I share Mel okay Noah Shem occurred lengthens their foot gets a gift he gets long days and long year so long years would mean you live long what is long days so this means giggly honey there's the eczema nephesh he will be blessed to have an essential experience coming from his soul shame by our host Billy have all of his helpers they won't they demonstrate different distinction rather those needles will be in unison with each other that's the meaning of a ríos it's all one normally it's not one there's love and this fear that Simpson is frustration so the Gemara saying if you create unity between night and day meaning you cause it to be all one long day avi it's the longer day and night that's one long day it's the day representing daily revelation shining it's right this means that in your expect experience in your heart will be such that the love and fear the frustration the simple will come together and you'll be able to you know live in harmony and not see them as victory forces and he says Mazzello hallelu now concludes the Mindlin we began with a and she ran into Hillard Psalm 146 where governor Malik says I hallelu I will praise Hashem you cave of K bhai with my life Roselli can we as always Osama and we explained before it went this is the mode of serving God with what's called your soul meaning from the perspective of the December I will say boy you they have dumber it only comes if you have a preparation which is Azam but Overlake ibid I will sing to Hashem with my mind with my goof they'll avoid Arabic Lago biscotti owned by first and foremost and being active in annulling your body and it's in its desires through subjugation through controlling it so he whoever is yourself the Adhan tomba das that's a logical Aveda right everyone knows that if you abuse yourself and this in that way it's a big problem so it makes sense stop don't overeat don't oversleep don't over smoke they don't over drink etc etcetera etcetera you don't have to be you know a bit closer than a big diverse receiver to understand why you should control yourself so it's katya the abode of discussion is sensible is logical and hebrew LP conv does so by first introducing that in your life and by first acting that way and doing practicing that activity mcgill of leadership my limit on god us then it helps you reach the service that transcends logic the hyssop her by then actually transforming and converting car central in the later doctors delight so the first thing in the average normal thing for us is to control the situation once we do that long enough and we succeed then we're given kind of a gift where they can act we'll be a transformation where the problem itself has changed to being a springboard for good but that's a second dive later but they said who give a criticizing him this reveals the essential is suing an idealist jungnam that's a TSS youngin so if you ask at the end of the mind mer so what is long life I rehearse youngnam a long days not just being an old man at 80 or 90 or 100 and as the famous clustered up you could seal up your yoni when the Alton ever wanted a wish him long life he said forever however revi nice came players Sharon not came bores years and your blessing me Moshe both motions if your blessing me was a Bors years I don't want it I don't want to live another day I only want to live if I live like a year you know what's worse than a fool an old fool hey we can get white and oh and you can be fresh and then you could be no fool so that ever says that when do we experience closest acts Miam I'm sorry when do we have a recess Youngman long life when you get to experience the combination of joy and frustration at the same time and a veneer at the same time that is the ultimate the ultimat long day so in other words when it when you're settled and really when you look at someone who is an older person and and you know that that person burned his his years and and makes value of his old years you see that they they learned how to balance the good and the bad times they found a mechanism to really really make them work in harmony that's that's the real are--this young I read this young man just sitting on the couch and and I'm playing your Nintendo or surfing that you know the web all day no might and just wasting your life you know why don't you guys start writing some of you are a little older right your life's experiences I was sitting my father today note is 82 years old and it's telling you that think 65 years ago 60 years ago in detail I was a blood listening that he knows exactly what time he came to 770 the first time that he came in 1958 he remembers who greeted him at the boat what what his relatives said and what the Labov ature said where he went when he went to sleep who's Betty slept on I mean why why it's not just that you know you're blessed with a good memory and and you know it's when something is ingrained in you very ingrained in you meaningful meaningful now if a Shem Tov's to show them you know gives you an illness god forbid her you Lucia dementia you know worse you know that again those are the exceptions and that's not for us to understand that is Hasan's Department but but the gomorian it's a good model what I'm saying is that the motor die turn shall tell me this I call him the minds of the people who learn tell you are invested and data miss as that it comes to km as they become ill elderly becomes sharper and sharper and item shall army our heads and the minds of the ignorant season income older and older it becomes weaker and weaker but you'll say well this guy is 90 five and he didn't learn the word of Torah to send an email or a fax or a text or a Twitter to God and asked me a question because I don't have an answer but what I do know is that on the average this is a true a true cloud this is a true cloud and this foot goes into the whole other idea you know if we're searching for answers there's something called reincarnation and past life there's all kinds of things that have taken place that we're not what anything aware of you know where was you the summer before maybe you're being moussaka something from before and that's why this is you to remember because you have to deal with this issue there's all kinds of new possibilities possibilities total possibilities not you know l ron hubbard possibilities total possibilities may Hashem helped evident that tomorrow mr. Shem I do want to talk a little about Shiva Sabha Thomas and the three weeks so please join if you have Korea I hope you do and and then not past kidding but I think most of that I brought to say if you're not well you know don't fast that you can fastest 1/2 a day if you could do that and then divert min file something you know that would be a great thing but even if you don't have Korea and don't feel guilty and and and you know give extra sadaqa sadaqa is a substitute for fasting so the equivalent the out there the equivalent of a suit yourself say if you if you spent $5.00 on a meal you should be giving $10 tomorrow because a person needs to seduce a day if you're able to you know so there are ways of mitigating the the fast issue have a great day lehayim and I will see you tomorrow bye bye yes commas in the peanut peanut gallery I think to come people to comment