Nasa Na 1931 #6 - Don't impose your religiosity on Others including your spouse and family

we're on we're on page um 32. so in the previous paragraph we learned that length what a nefesh's and now we're going to continue talking about um more of that and then he'll go into chakras when a person makes his heart be attentive he sees and he recognizes and he sees the great benevolence of hashem hamas in the sim who returns souls to dead corpse corpses as they say to say sleep is one sixtieth of death and therefore when you get up in the morning you're experiencing what you're experiencing you know you can return to someone an item and it's old and used here we get to the summit back and it's fresh and new eliza is get it nevertheless there is an avoider that we have in our obligated a children to a father um and the responsibility of servants to their master yes hashem has done for us maisha great favor of rome he returned to us our desham in the morning but nevertheless we owe him something like children are obligated to parents that's what it says contrary to the thinking of today's generation i don't mean just today i mean the society where children say they owe nothing to their parents and that's part of the the revolution and so two servants what makes you better than i uh as it says my son my eldest israel israel ooks even it says you are children of hashem our god there was extra love that's right clever it says right here in the name of ghazal it was extra love was known to us s other creatures are also creations of god but are not given the title of children of god we in the in the in the in the torah are given the name bannon were called name children it says kili binay israel for me to me are the children of israel avoid them their servants they're my servants that's why we call hashem our father and our king because both we are children to god and we are servants to god well they say to desiree and through this arousal it's from this perspective you're in a sin that we go into saying morning blessings you hear that kevin you know we wake up we either say is right in our house and we say it in shul wherever regardless of where you say it that ever says that the attitude and mindset in in when you start saying broca's is the attitude that he espouses here which is we are obligated to you hashem because you are our father you're our king we are your children and your servants and we owe you our life that's right that's what it says i mean i don't want to digress but this is such a difficult thing for for many people to accept especially younger people especially you know when when things are not going exactly the way you built you you but you think that the god should have hashem should have them be made for you it gets even harder to serve him i'm reading these readings someone gave me a book in chicago separation degrees of separation on the cover is a boy who's i believe to be the author of the book and he's sitting at a r praying with the rebbe look at this hasidic boy you take a look you want to kiss him you want to hug the boy and kiss the little boy and if you look at him in the back this is the man today beardless no yamaka not religious i don't know if he married a jew or a guy and he writes a book showing how people have exited he calls them the exeters this is the culture today my friends and he focuses on two groups lubavitches satmir the the idea of a vino volcano is a difficult idea it's not an easy idea for anybody because she boot dedication she would has also mean mortgage your mortgage to god that means your property you don't know your property if you have a mortgage the bank owns your property who owns us nevertheless hashem gives us free will and wants us to use our free will and all of that but that's a that's a very difficult concept and the more secular we we we are and the more sec in the secular culture we live in this becomes the reality i'll give you another another example just to think about and i'm telling you these things are relevant to us whether you're in betchemis whether you're in borough park it's irrelevant whether you're 770. so i'm scheduled we we we are scheduling a oh january 8th the shabbos before you swat with the group that that that that asks me to lead their shabbos from uh potomac maryland a bad group there and and others from actually someone's coming with a son from chicago because they know the organizer right so it's a wonderful opportunity because we're together now they have this this nice house across the ohio where you could rent and you don't have to even go into the old hill if you don't want to so those that are concerned you know can have more privacy and all that so imagine 24 hours basically we learn we dove them we bring around the clock we get you know four or six hours of sleep and that's pretty much it so it's really a a wonderful intense weekend of of ruchnies it really is so um this past week the cancellations have begun why because of concerns of covet now it's been proven this whole week and last week and myself included although i tested negative that no one's getting no one's getting sick that it's dying or interhosting it's a cold worst of flu and you'll get over it now i'm not saying that that it's it's good but you see where do you draw the line where does someone say that even though i'm not well i go into the mikvah forget about you know not going because you might make someone else contagious i'm not talking about that but let's say you're not contagious do you have such a munna that if you need the mikveh before you dive in because that is for you a perspective and a reality nothing stops you rebecca he was a famous cause of the russian hustler he made his way there at his throne and i heard from david muschilovan who passed down last week and i made a clip about him he was also a russian clustered and i knew him in los angeles and he he when he was a teenager robert hid in there in the 11th house in in russia wherever they were moscow wherever they were i forget now he was a wanted man he was like one of the only hasidim that didn't take off their beards everyone else did because otherwise they they had your picture and you were locked up and killed your family was in danger and all that so most could see them remove their beards berkeley was so frum so fanatical that he didn't take his beard off he put shmatus over it he he did whatever it is and he wasn't hiding for a long time and he hid and one of the houses that he hit was the michelle loving house okay he's he needs a mig for the darvin so yes where's the midfoot they tell them the mitch was there but it's locked it was the winter freezing cold and they locked it because if the mic was open you get a cold you have to go to the hospital or a doctor they find out who you are and then you're finished then and your friends are you know and they'll they'll rat on you and they'll they'll interrogate you and it's fair to complete so they said they had they said to the banker please don't go to the mikveh davin daven with great kavanagh but please don't go to the mig foot and he said i don't want to hear anything about it and he and he he went to the to the uh manager of the mikveh and he said to him if you don't give me the key to the mikveh you won't see the day of light the light of day i'm gonna let you have it you let me worry about the kgb i need to go to the midfield now i'm asking you such a story which is which is really really mosquito-snefish is one allowed to do that and the and and the answer is the answer is you're allowed to do it if you have music and that's what we're learning here in this miner of being a child of god and a servant of god is the self-sacrifice if you honestly believe and you and you live your life as a yidd with mercedes nephesh the mikveh is not going to make you sick hashem makes you sick and you might be sick but it's not because of the mikveh you hear the difference it's not good at the bigfoot i can go out here in 10 degrees without a coat in the jacket i don't get sick never dr feldman just passed away god bless his soul he was the rebel's doctor he lived in crown heights i saw him in 10 20 degrees walking with a short sleeve white shirt outside no sweater no coke i sort my own eyes and and explanation is if you keep the body temperature the same you're not getting sick when do you get sick when you touch a knob that has you know wetness on it and water communicates germs you get sick or you use a towel in a shoe that 75 people have used you're going to get germs right my point is the point is that a person needs to understand and not allow the goalless mentality and you should know the rebbe fought against this in the early years from 1956 to 60 because his own hasidah were plagued with what he called balabatiskite you know what baalbatischka is as he told the uh shiva once that's so that your thai color doesn't have to match your sock color you can wear a tie and you could wear nice socks but why do the two have to match oh because you have to look ish bae no notion a man amongst men because every everyone outside says that's the way you dress so there about another fabregan tells everyone take your hats and turn them upside down why what the rebels is just trying to make it marry and have fun no because he wants to shatter the clipper of balabatiskite of of being too normal okay and and this this went so well in the 60s and 70s because the youth were cuckoo in their own way so chabad used their cuckooness of holiness to infiltrate the cuckooness of the counterculture world and it meshed and they brought back thousands of pali chivas and not only other organizations too but khabad used this approach yes just want to say when you write your book about this i got a title for you you can call it the cuckoo convergence thank you i'm always looking for good titles in fact yesterday i'm working on a book and i asked a few people if the title was a good one maybe i'll ask you guys later anyway so my nakuda is that the good of the my mid is goalless mentality are we stuck in ghosts and and this is so true now now you all you have a living energy throw you have less in a way goal is mentality because you've made the move and the sacrifice but nevertheless believe me go down may assure him i've gone into some homes they're more extravagant than the nicest homes on or or over there on the you know where i used to stay okay big chandeliers fancy furniture fancy caleb i've been in there and i'm saying to myself you're a hasidic jew where do the two go together and of course the answer is it's for other people not for myself i myself can can live in a a hubble you know that's something that a person has to do when he says krishna shall i meet at night we spoke about the husband is the gosh nice in your life for others truly or is it for yourself because you get a kick out of it and you get a high out of it and guess what if that's who you are and you cannot get rid of that denying it can be hurtful you see when we talk about refinement of character and and lessening of gashmius that's as long as it it it won't hurt you but if it hurts you and you cannot overcome don't fight it i i just want i just want to make sure this points a very important point because some people i've seen this too they they fight with gosh miss they oppose gosh myths and material matter and it backfires because they can't get rid of it it's like someone who i know someone who's kids all married he um you know he and his wife divorced and now he's out somewhere partying and i spoke to him i know him and he says my kids are all married i you know it's obvious to me like this what's going on over here so in other words until they're until they were until they're married they're home you're putting on a show as soon as the show is over you break loose so you need to really hone in on who you are where you are when a person serves a chef yes moishe i just want to just share something i remember many many years ago when we were we had been in there for a little while and we were looking to buy our home so i remember that on more than one occasion i had heard that the in eric's austral a person should try to live in the nicest home possible but but that's because it's eric israel not in the hotel so i remember hearing that and um [Music] i'm just mentioning that just mentions maybe just like uh i wonder if i'm wondering if there's room for a distinction a jew living in earth israel as opposed to jew living in kutzler's in terms of his in terms of goshmias i don't know as i'm saying this i'm i guess really i you know what maybe maybe we shouldn't go there no no no i i i'll just briefly because i want to get back to that member if if i heard you correctly you were asking if mitzad aired his role there's more room for nicer gosh beers than huts lawrence to that to that again without sources and i would say no because that's and that's as far as the individual is concerned let me add if the base i make this had to be beautiful it was extravagant right now a shul here has to be beautiful in fact it's brought down in this firm that a person should have the the shoe should be nicer than their own house so what's the difference the basa miktas or a shul in in in brooklyn chicago the answer is maisha the way i see it the mindset that's one point and it could be what you heard years ago again we would have to know the context is that because so many people come from from america and canada england and south africa where where gosh miss was much more elaborate having them be in a situation which is you know poor and decrepit and all of that is very debilitating and and a way to compensate that is through having you know a a nice home couple coupled with that there's a gamora the gemara says i'm not quoting the exact quote but that's the concept um a person's diira broadens and expands a person's mind the famous story with the mithla rabbit that he had money on his desk when he had yojitas so he asked it ever why do you have money on your desk because the feeling that i don't have to worry gives me the ability to to feel more expansive and to help the petitioner who comes to see me so we're not you know proposing you know a lifestyle of that that's that's you know focusing on on the negative and the nothing and the little but we're talking about in our own avedas hashem that a person to themselves to themselves has to know and if really what they're doing is for hashem or just for their own their own pleasure that that's that's the focus when we learn siddhis or muslim for that matter that's the type of of perspective we're coming from so in that light i was saying that there's this goalless mentality that that that that we need to uh to get rid of because it's not a jewish mentality goalless mentality stops aid from from serving hashem now it doesn't mean you have to break the law and not listen to the doctors that's not what we're saying but at the end of the day you need to know that everything is from and if you feel that and you don't that you want to do something and you don't harm anyone else you know go for it no one should stop you go for it as long as you know you don't it's on your own husband not as someone else's husband when it's someone else's husband you're selfish you what you're doing is you're imposing your stuff on them you know we don't have a right and that includes our spouses and our children and all that so here that ever says what got me talking about this is because it ever says here we have a favor we owe hashem and today using those words we all know as parents is like the worst words what do you mean you owe me something you owe me i owe you nothing yes i'm moishe i can't i can't not say this but one of the things that i've experienced a lot for a long time because you you mentioned the issue about not at someone else's expense person trying to you know raise their ruthless work and the rookies so to speak that someone else's expense so i'm i'm sorry to bring this up but something that i've i've faced myself many many times for years is the concept you know you go to you know like i would love to dive in you know right so later it's the latest minion in town fine great i would love to be able to go to mikveh fantastic then i ideally i would love to stand for brain problem is what's the problem the problem is is i get home let's say maybe 1 30 2 o'clock let's just say ideally and the problem is is when i was certainly when i was when we were younger you know my wife i'd walk in the door my wife would be ready would be ready like you know she should be ready like lock the door on me not let me in because she's been home all morning into the early afternoon with the children right and i show up and what what i'm getting at is i'm bringing this up because we're talking about madison elsa's expense the the the right right and and navigate i understand i understand very well the issue and the answer solution or possible answer solution is not now at the 50 55 whatever your ages but it's at 2025 when you're married it's for the couple to to cut and for the husband as the masjib and the wife as the kabul to work together to create a situation where one would would be comfortable with you being able to do that i'm just saying but yes if that wasn't done for whatever reason you know or you if you tried doing it and didn't work right so then to create to to to be religious and hasidic at other people's expense is is wrong again if it's a matter of hallow it's a different story but it's not it's not you can dive in an age called this you could double he could have been there you know what i'm saying but i always say this to you know the whole idea is for the ish it's brought down his forearms you understand the laws of intimacy the background not the technicality the the the the the psychology of the laws of intimacy and everything that surrounds those laws in halacha and you understand the psychology the psychology is that the couple should be working together to create a situation where both appreciate what each one contributes and each one respects that and then to find a common ground how to implement it and frankly that's not done it's not done by the best people it's not done and and and there's so much room to the most religious couples hasidic lit spartac makes no difference in this area you know today they may be doing a little more they talk about you know counseling marriage counseling before marriage the singles that are engaged but when i learned you know the whole parsha of marriage i remember this this hit me then that you know you have an opportunity as as a newly married couple to set a a way that will be harmonious and respectful of each other so the examples that you gave could be worked out i i'm telling you it could have it could maybe not 132 so a half an hour again you know every couple is different in every situation you know what i'm saying and sometimes it can't because the person the other spouse be it the man or the woman is not coming from that perspective and has not learned enough to respect that perspective so what's more important shalom bias in a harmonious home or uh bickering about you know coming late and all that of course shalom bias i'll give you an example i had a rebbe a holocaust survivor he was such a special jew such a talbot hufflepuff in my days he came to yeshiva with a short jacket with a jacket but he came from poland from hasidim and the bach and they would wear as bakarim long frocks right and as married men as well his friends who became lubavitch who survived the war with him most of them wore those long long frocks in the long cults during the week and he wanted to he was such a fine he married an american woman who was from and he was happy that he could find in the 1940s in new york a froome girl because they weren't sold at sears okay so he finally finds a froome girl she was very modern i'm convinced that she wanted him to remove his beard i'm convinced and he didn't what did he do we saw that either he i think he probably trimmed a little bit or or made it so his his beard looks so kept up and kept nicely right okay what about the long she didn't want him to wear this long thing because she wanted to americanize him and not to be a fanatic he would come to the yeshiva this is before my days this is like 10 years before i i had him in the 70s and 76 or whatever so in the 50s and 60s he would come to the yeshiva on veteran dean in bedford stuyvesant area of brooklyn and there used to be remember the the the pay phones the the boxes the um you know you would go outside you use a pay phone he would take out from his from his suitcase from his the briefcase his his long cup putter he put his jacket in and he put on his kapotus that when he walks into the yeshiva the students should see him like everyone else someone just told me that he saw this with his eyes i heard about it years ago but someone just this weekend in chicago someone who grew we grew up he's a little older but we grew up in brooklyn and his father was a friend of this rabbis told me i saw this in my own eyes how he went into the phone booth and he changed could you imagine and the answer is sometimes you have to do that for the sake of peace and show him you leave your house with a short jacket you come back on a short jacket and during the day when your wife doesn't see you you're wearing your because that's who you are and i'm sure she didn't have a problem with him in the yeshiva wearing it i i that that americanized she wasn't but what's the nakuda what's the point the point is that sometimes you know i'm i'm this is all addressing your point maisha which i'm glad you brought up sometimes if a person doesn't have that perspective you could talk to your greeting your face it's not gonna help you they just right but i would say more times than that than less times if at the beginning you you you you study and you talk and and you really talk it out usually it will be appreciated i mean in my case for example for years i my family knew i don't come home the earliest two o'clock two to three o'clock and believe me i wasn't drinking alcohol and becoming cuckoo and sure and wasting time i was dobbing and learning whatever why did my wife tolerate it because she saw this by her father so when you have that by your own father but you know there's no there's no script over here and and and and it's a very important point that you're making moisture that that you know up imposing a person's homeless and others is not the right thing and and i saw this with the rabbit so many times another example just just i just saw a clip yesterday there was a jew named bernard mendelbaum rabbi dr bernard mendelbaum of the jts which was the conservative movement's seminary in manhattan he himself was a showman shabbos and he had a big correspondence with the rabbit back and forth he goes by the rabbit and the rebbe says please send regards to dr finkelstein dr finkelstein was the provost at jts and i'm not sure he was 100 from he came from slovakia there were two dr finkelstein rabbi finkelstein and rabbi saw lieberman saul lieberman was from and they both studied the slabotkin finkelstein i'm not sure and he also was a slobodka student and the rebbe says the mental bomb please send the wrap rabbi frequency in my regards and and and mendelbaum he's you could see his he what oh sure he's working on a book the representative he says he's working on another one volume one he put out volume 203 now it's volume one and and the rabbit then says to mental bound and he turns to groener i always ask him about dr finkelstein in other words he's telling metal bomb you should know that i'm i'm i i'm i'm concerned and interested in knowing about how rabbi dr finkelstein is doing so he turns to to groaner like while he's saying this to mental belt like kind of ask him and he'll tell you that i always inquire about him and then the next line took me for a ride um yeah no no and then the rep and then the rabbit says and then the rabbit says then the rabbit says and he looks again at groener and the people around and they're not so happy that i asked about him why because finkelstein was pushing the conservative agenda the rep himself spoke about in the 50s how the conservative reform movement particular conservative was moving to the left and was how how wrong that is and here he's asking about dr finkelstein rabbi finkelstein so the rapper says and they're not so happy but that that i that i'm his friend you got you got to hear that it's in yiddish but they translated in english and i was thinking about this i'm still thinking about it how the rebel in his own you know what he asked what he says for the community and the world is the titus view the fact that personally we have a connection and we need to continue that connection is very important and and that's the idea don't impose your stringencies on others yes hillel i just want to share a similar story um my great grandfather is threatening the rebel of toronto in toronto there was a big reform school called holy blossom a christian there and uh um so apparently the rabbi of holy blossom came to simplest torah by the stratna rebbe and the rabbit danced with him and the hasidam were like outraged and uh and and uh the the the representatives what can i do i love every jew so that's what i hear in that story yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh before we finish uh today bar hashem hashem has given me the ability to reach my 61st year so i'm starting on 62. so so i went to the oil very early in the morning and i was thinking about something as i'm driving on the belt parkway it was pretty empty it was great and i was thinking about what does a person leave what does a person leave after their time after they they they're in the shama returns it's their children and students that's what they leave right it's not their money it's not their possessions okay and i was thinking about that after i came out of the oil there's a video in the in the whole in the room there so i tried have a few minutes to go in to kind of sit and hear the what's what the rep is speaking about this is like right as i walk in he's speaking about he says that a person without children is missing and he says because we say bona jaya umazoni children health and financial and he says that haya and mizona health and life is only good if you have a continuation brother if you have no bunny if you have no children meaning either physical children or spiritual children students and all that then what's the purpose of kaiomazona and i'm amish this is this is what i hear as i walk into the room after coming out of the o hell to me this was a yeshides this was mama's having a private audience with the river people say you can't have a private audience today and ever since he stopped to the end of the 70s you can you have to bizarre hashem bro gave me a gift on my yoma letters that i had a yakidis with the rebbe that's one thing the next thing this clips the next thing rabbi science from brazil he used to print a lot of tanya's because the rebel in the mid 80s called for tanya's to be printed all over and he was the person who i think printed the most tanya's time thousands of times in every little place so he comes to the river and he and he has the rev a box of tanyas and he says to the rabbi i i didn't get a chance to count them the rebel says oh it's it's not necessary you know and he blesses him and then he says something about 31. so either there were 31 tanya's there and then the number says the name 31 is one of hashem's name because it's kale olive or something oh no kale kale is lamin alef kale which is might and he talks about that and that's the fit of love right opposite of low and that but then he says servant says and i'm wishing you that you should do flying with sushi twice gail how much is that 62. 62. i'm going into my 62nd year i'm just telling you what i saw on that you take it to whatever way you want but to me this was like a direct response you know sometimes you go to the oil and you know it's blog you know and sometimes you go and and and the experience is is is very significant so with that i wish everyone every one of you to have gesundh padrosa and bonnie physical children spiritual children that the offspring our offspring should should learn from our good acts and should continue in in our good ways and the way to do that is by us being a mensch and being proper and being holy and being better then automatically it will rub off you don't have to then tell your son or your daughter do this or do that because that doesn't work they will want to know about their father and their mother you know what made them special like hillary always talks about his grand parent grandfather great grandfather like in other words you you learn to respect someone so you seek them out without them telling you you know look at me and follow me so hashem should help that that this brother that the that ever gave me this morning through that screen and after coming out of the oil should be fulfilled by by all of us in our life healthy happiness and that's the bottom line that i asked was gazoon health you should you should add uh me and sonic base i mean but as the the custard told the altered not years of a peasant you know you have to you have to ask hashem that when we age we should age with with health and and and a clear mind not you know never so many people age and it's not a rosy situation anyway anyway um my brother avram hashem will blame you a complete healing and you will feel better and you'll continue learning taita and you'll see nafas from your children and grandchildren and and he's not here yoni but you and his father have shalema and everyone will have only simchrist and the ultimate simple as we see we need moshiach not to not to convince ourselves that mashiach is here because he's not okay there are there are signs there are feelings there are inspirations it's all true but we need a real mashiach with a real base on mikdash and an end to this bitter ghost so that we that we celebrate together and claw your soul reunites amen see everyone monday monday we'll learn take care bye bye happy birthday thank you