Nasa Na #16-Silence is Real Humility-R says don't be morbid- stop complaining-kikar equals ram & mar

page 138 but uh before we get there which i don't see him here yet he did want me to review something which we'll do when he gets back but the basic idea of the last chapter was the virtue of shemonisre the zayarakotta says they are dalai tikunim there are four corrective methods used to correct srina bagalusa and i just want to point out that when desire qatar says that desire is talking because you know generally speaking what khasidism does what the bashantha does in this case through the lens of the altered he personalizes it and this is one of the beauties of hasidis in general khabad has this in particular to take ideas that are general and to personalize them and especially today in our world this is very valuable this isn't just theoretical and nice ideas and and and and you know you get a high but it actually can make an impact in your life and this is something that we need to remember as we learn in general and specifically you need to walk away with a bottom line if you don't have a bottom line it's a good intellectual exercise but you're not going to be able to uh get that degree to to be an md and cure patients in a hospital you won't sorry look uh i've done a lot of reading and then counseling and this and and you know thinking i don't have a degree that hilo does well that that limits me to certain people in certain fields that's the facts of life the facts of life is that i if i would have certain degrees i could have been let's say uh speaking uh at conferences with professors and maybe in certain areas i know more than them as they do more than me but you don't get you don't have a degree and i can't tell you how many times um i was told by my friends professors who would love to have me lecture at the college at university and you would you know and but the rule is you got the phd you can get in you don't have the phd you can't get through the doors and that's why rabbi alte betsy and metzker uh some of you might have heard of him he's incredible hamada for chile but he encouraged me at the age of 55 or 15 encourage me go get a degree i said at this age i should get a degree says yes people like you need to have a degree so you can make a difference to the college students i tried but it was it was too much for my before for myself don't know i didn't do it yes your listen yeah when i was in my hotel for five years they were accredited with the delphi university and i got a a in religious education which helped me get my ma in special education and thank you and i have that i have that ba2 and and i was told that would help me it would help me get an m.a but i needed a phd to to do what i wanted to do an m.a is not good enough and at that time toro college didn't have a phd program so the dean was willing to accept to accept me and put me into the m.a program directly and he actually wanted to give me a free scholarship he really wanted me but i told him until you have a phd program i'm not interested and then when he had a phd program um i just wasn't up to doing all that work and i said look i wrote a book your better self it was endorsed by rabbi uh dr abraham twersky you know who you're having a celebration with i think for this week in bet shamish at the shoelace goldish and uh use that as my dissertation i wrote it already it wasn't acceptable you know you have to rewrite that you have to restudy and all that so anyway let's go on it's not not the this this is just the uh the forge fives you know the um this was the the dessert before the sheer so what does he say over here in zarya in zaire he says that there's [Applause] hinter the the mita the the shokhan the kise [Applause] and the first three things were uh the evening service then then chakras the first two points of chakras is is uh and uh the first one spokesman the next one is krishna you have to sit like where you settle do you meditate and then question vanessa what's the mile of monastery what's the virtual advantages monastery silence how many of us have thought about the virtue of silence do we ever discuss what how how how important silence is no usually we talk about be talkative and be you know expressive silence well in the the early 2000s i think 2002 i brought a friend from manhattan to the option of a your lime and by the gun maybe some of you know who now know him we've gone to him he's a real special jew uh probably a banana of tanya sadiq anyway so we spent with him an hour and 45 minutes which was very unusual i got there about five in the morning and left a quarter to seven he walked us out down the steps he went to the midfielder's shul and we went into the taxi back to our hotel before we left my friend who was not not yet at that time fully religious was so impacted by the the the rebel silence because the way this rabbit works is what when when you ask him something or when he after he talks and he looks at you for like for abraha he looks right into your face and he doesn't talk he's like silent and it's like you're standing face to face and it's intense and it's quiet so i remember that he my friend broke down he was very emotional broke down he broke into tears and he said to him rebbe thank you for teaching me the virtue of silence i remember that very powerful the virtue of silence guess what every morning we can have that experience monastery the silent prayer amida and we stand amidal we stand during this service what what's going on over here what's going on the rebecca's mosbier and this explains in this chapter it's the avodah of bitter bermud the avoider of nullification of self completely totally in shema as meditative as it is and as powerful as it is as he explained nevertheless there is still some of the yesh left of the ego left and that and and in fact the fact that you're sitting and settled contributes to the existence of yesh in other words shema enhances the i the you are unknowns the i is the totally opposite of vaidhav both are necessary because before you can truly become buttal nullified you have to be there has to be something to be nullified if if there's a knife if there's no something there to be nullified there's no nullification so you have to first go through shema and be settled and within that perspective you come to a deeper realization where you realize that you don't realize and you let go and this is our monastery and the and the enigmatic thing is that specifically during is when we ask for healing and giula and teshuva and all the 18 19 benedictions brothers wait a minute if i don't exist if i'm an old what do you mean cure the ill bring reform bring healing bring gullah and the rabbi explained this once in a talk in conjunction with the the thrillers khanna the prayer of hannah that we say in the after of rosh hashanah and the rebels says that if you look into the tanakh over there the wording of the of tanaka so precise she was bitter and she like she murmured under her breath you know in other words she was in a state of bitter so her request came from a state of bitter and so so what does this mean just me like this there is requests coming from a state of settlement and calmness and harm and harmony but that still gives room for ego when it comes to the the the the the petitioner the pre the person was dabbing has the ability to reach a silence where he doesn't have to involve his ego for prayer for for requ for requests to be requested in other words it's like hashem and that's why i go let's go back to that first opening line that i spoke so much about last week hashem open my lips my lips will say your praise so i said last week and i repeat it now it begins with hashem and then you got to pause if you don't if you don't understand that it's all hashem open my lips and my mouth will say your praise what won't happen it won't happen because you're still not into hashem you're still not subservient to hashem so the first thing is hashem then if you want me to pray open my lips if you don't want me to pray i'll be quiet and if you want me to pray you open my lips my mouth will say your praise but it's all coming as a derivative of hashem so yes yay we're asking for a fool and we're asking for gaula and we're asking for truva but it's coming as god inserting himself in our mouths and telling us say this pray for this you know why because i want you to be healthy i want to have a world i want to have a family i want to have simchas i want goola so i god say go ahead do it that's the perspective of shimon sri and this is why it's called the menorah the moneta what was the light needed for we have plenty of light the gemara asks did we need the light of another for the world for the base i make this no the answer is from there went went out light the disbursement of light throughout the world comes from the manoa and the basa amigdas it comes from the seat of the individual who goes through the transformation of monastery this is real light real light is not um what's what i'm looking for is not adulterated light because if it has particles in it and it has waves and it has isms in it and issues it's not it's not the light that we want it's it's it's it's a uh for lack of a better world word a crippled light i'm in pure light who wants such a light what we're looking for is a godly light a godly light ishmael so the light coming from from uh krishna it's a light but still it comes from you and when it comes from you you're still you when you still haven't unknown yourself completely bitter bemidji not bitter yes so what what what what the mymas alluding to here are two familiar terms in chabad citizen which you've learned though well i'm sure beethoven dr rabbi nissimandel i love his translation of bitlyesh in the book ten commandments the obliteration of self the obliteration of self he translates as bitterlayesh what's bitterberrys the obliteration of idea of of notion self is already a definition and a category before self for self to be self there needs to be the idea that self is a value peterborough means the the the the non-existence that this is not a value self is not a value if it's only from just the self perspective when does self become a value when it's fought when it's a it's a derivative and a byproduct of hashem hashem this is basically the could uh the point that he said in the previous paragraph and then yes just to clarify so bitter but macias is that much deeper than even bitterly yes not only is it not correct but much more so it's an entire different quality of bitter yeah you understand it's not just a quantitative difference it's a qualitative difference that evidence said that this ex expresses itself in minha in other words there is there is the chakra is from an esri so what's the virtue of minha and the gemara says elio was only his prayers were only answered because of mithra why we just finished explaining the virtue of shmon esray and anish mon esri my river chakras so he brings of course the governor and the ghazal that the fact that you're able to uh in the middle of the day daven pray that shows that you're really committed because in the morning hours it's before that before work so it's much easier to go to school at the doctor in the evening it's after work so so you have you know before you retire after suffering you go down before somebody but the middle of the day when you're also coughed when you're all passionate about whatever you're doing and you have to stop and go to darwin that takes a a strength a kayak so therefore you get credit that just quick quick questions to jump in on a very practical level this is something i struggle with a lot so person diabetes minha at the end of the day meaning min you know and then you have a small slight short break and you dab marv but here you know you're talking about 4 30 5 o'clock 5 30 that range right i got to go back to work still i got at least let's say at least hour and a half more at least just so i'm just saying that myra doesn't have that no it doesn't it doesn't have that quality no because because marev represents night evening so the fact that we have a short nightmare and you're still working you know that's our situation now but marv means night when when we finished working my represents night finish working chakras represents morning before we begin work and minha regardless of the time represents the middle of day and and and the fact is that's the way it is i mean you know how many right i gotta make minha i gotta make minecraft you know it's the middle of the day but i but the the rabbit let's go back the previous rabbit brings here um a beautiful insight that that's not brought in the madrid and that is that that the the morning represents our youth years yeshiva years college years before we get married or maybe even the the first year before you get into it the evening not mary of the night represents our elder years older years where we're at a semi retired retired whatever the rabbit doesn't like the word retired but you know when we're slowing down in in certain ways and we're thinking about writing a book you know um lecturing you know figuring out what to do you know um you know that's that that's that's the nature of the beast the middle years minha is the middle years of the person on one hand those years it's it's our best years right mean to say our productive years but those are the toughest years raising children marrying off children parnosa shalom bias community issues it's i'm sure if every one of us will look back now on issues of 20 20 20 30 40 years ago it pales in comparison you know uh to i mean the years when we're all you know a little older um you know the issues are uh bigger issues now bigger issues then i'm sorry now it's you know getting a little less and less so the minha years are the toughest years says that ever that's why the shmonisre of minha is is um is like the most significant shimon esri in other words he here is an added nuance the way i the way i understand the mimer that although schmonesser in general is this avodah bitter macias the silent avodah like i told you before and it's virtue but if you compare that more necessary of chakras to the sheminesra of minha there's no comparison why because the timing of minha the overall timing is more valuable than the timing of of of chakras chakras get up five o'clock six o'clock if you know and if you don't want to have disturbances of cars beeping and parking and and running around get up early you know i was at the oil at 4 35 o'clock no one's there was a makaya it was no traffic beat the traffic it's quiet you know you everyone could you know what i'm saying go go do that on on a monday or tuesday in in brooklyn going on the belt parkway the ride itself makes you crazy you come to the oil you're like farmish you know with all all the baggage and the same as in yerushalayim on on on the roads and all that i'm sure now with all the new housing barcelona there's a lot more traffic and probably it'll get worse in the next 10 year 5 10 years but the point being the point being that the minted time and to express silence during minha that shows that in the heart of the beast when the person is is so far yukt fayyak being so um confused and so hurried and so anxious about marrying both children having children the health of children i share with you this past weekend this shabbos yesterday we went to a shabbaton in stamford connecticut and there were a thousand people there and these were the most from of the froome hasidim in the greater new york area from muncie to lakewood to borough park to williamsburg and mostly striables and payers prime was impeached and the women wore the uh the white the white scarves of the white cupcakes and they dressed in black many of them and it you know this is something that i'm used to uh you know boro park is not as heavy as williamsburg but it was wonderful to see and though and and you know there were there was some spartan a few and there was some lit a few but mostly it was hasidim and there were about five to ten habatmix there myself included and different i have different thoughts and still thinking still developing this i would like to maybe share it publicly on a clip but this idea of chakras and minha and marv you know the the minha years is when people are dealing with issues and these were issues people you know with various kinds of issues with their children you know various forms and it it's really you know the minha years because when you're a zaiden above a grandfather a grandmother saba safta you know it's a whole different relationship it's a whole different world i was sitting next to a person who was between 75 to 80 and he told he showed me a humish and he showed me see this translation i made this translation on target unison wow i never saw a translation commentary on targeting your innocence who learns the target and unison so that itself was impressive and then he reminded me that he was a printer years ago i remember once going to sprinting place whatever and then he asked me if i could translate something of his into you know his writing and i told him i don't i could but i don't do that that's not i said if you want a biography me to write up your life that i'm interested in but anyway and i said to him i said to him like are you here as a guest speaker are you here as a supporter of this organization you know because you know i'm going to tell them but you know like 75 to 80. you know everyone here is 40 45 50 or 85 55. and he said to me no no i have a i have a son i think he said to special needs and uh i'm here for the kizok amazing 75 to 80 years old he's married of kids he has grandkids and maybe great grandkids and he's still walking around with this with this issue which is which you know which is part of his life very very very interesting and very telling something to think about but nevertheless nevertheless overall the grandparent years are at different years the youth years when you just beginning your families in the the middle years is where we're all dealing with the issues and and and we're talking with each other here we know we you know we have i think we we still have some of that in our in our lives and our children etc so it's the main years that are the most difficult years and if you can in the middle of minha those years tear yourself away from the issues and come to a place of silence and silence doesn't mean i i do want to say this valuable silence doesn't mean being foolish and stupid excuse the expression silence doesn't mean i'm like i'm a neb and a dummy it's not what it means silence means that you've transformed yourself where you know you have issues but your perspective changes and this is really an important the kuda we have to change the paradigm that paradigm shift that's so important and until you get to that paradigm shift if you if you're gonna we're gonna have issues and this isn't easy so we called it bitter and then we call it munna everyone has their different name to it but the bottom line is the schminesre of minha is the paradigm shift every day that a person can experience this is something you said one more thing maisha asked me to to share and explain what that ever says talking about the menira he quotes the verse on page 137 towards the end of the page about six seven lines at the end of the manure was made of one uh lump of gold the word kikari says gematria is 240 rum it equals exalted and simultaneously over the matriar it it's a democracy numerical equivalent of bitter mar and the rebbe says i love this line i told you hainu hey nazmi is by whether [Applause] the person has issues with children health and panoso regardless whether you're doing great or whether you're not doing great on the contrary you have to make that issue into manure and my friends i heard this and saw it and by the river they in and they out all kinds of yip from big rabona to big hussein to regular people to have the non-jews would come and and and they would talk their heart out and they wrote to him and you'll never find him i shouldn't say never seldom ever finding him i don't want to use you know a word that's inappropriate but i think you know b i c h i n g excuse the expression about issues on the contrary he would write back your being morbid maharashtra he wrote this to my wife's grandfather who was a major talmud and a major cousin and the schleak and he wrote about community issues he had hundreds of correspondence with the rapper and and and they're printed and you'll see the rabbit says to him this is maharashtra but rebel i have a problem the community there's a problem between the rabbi and the congress at this county declaring and whether we should go here should we do that so the rebel gives advice but he says stop with the negativity stop with the maharashtra that was the rebel and what is he teaching us that we have to do the same thing and it's hard i'm talking to myself it's a very hard avoidable to be always positive the think positive track good vid which you've all heard think good and it'll be good the rapper was teaching this is rea it can be real and needs to be real and if it'll be real you'll be happy so like i'm showing you julian said i told you this do one for bringing right there in bet chemist and the other with the casino mark down there i was there and he starts over he says there was about 100 guys in the room he says if i start thinking i get up in the morning i think about myself i become very sad and morbid i have this kid that way not this grandkid this way that but when you don't think that way you think about others what can you do for others you become freyler and the rabbit taught that what can we do for others the fact that we ask hashem to help us and take care of our needs and all that yes no one no but the the mindset that's saying the paradigm shift from complaining stop complaining because it's not it it's really a waste of energy just take the bull by its horn do what's right and listen if you have to go to a den title is it the entirety you have to go to a civil court does it you have to go to a psychology there are systems in place to deal with issues but the overall attitude has to be from the net changing negative positive i tell you again i had i knew someone one of my confidence years ago who the husband and wife were fighting cats and dogs the wife said i'll teach you a lesson i'm not going to the midfield the husband said oh really i'm going to give you a divorce it comes to rabbi dolphin he comes to rabbi dolphin i can't take the shelby dolphin says listen try another three months three more months he comes back he says nothing has changed she's not going to mikra i want a divorce i said well i'm not going to give you permission to give a voice because i'm not at that level and i don't have that i was a much younger rabbi at the time i said you write to the rebel and he was a liberator and and and i said if you the rabbit tells you you you know you're scot-free you're on his shoulders i don't have such a big shoulders he wrote to the rep and the rebbe answered him within a few hours and if he sent the fedex in and the rebber quoted the khazal and the gomorrah going to lingard sheldon buyers how great show ambassadors is oscar elsie and i will bless you at the ohio basically meaning you stay put buddy and guess what happened he changed his attitude towards wife she went to the midfield to happily marry today this stuff this is this is a mice that happened with me and then real not fantasy okay now i'm not gonna tell you it always works no i'm not gonna say that but overall it was and so what happened what happened was a miracle or did the rebel make a miracle no he changed his attitude he was he was you know he was giving her a very bad time so she said i'm going to teach you a lesson you think you're going to play around with me i know that they'll be both tough people from brooklyn sharp tough and smart you play with me i'll play with you so he changes his attitude and she becomes a sweetheart and she goes to the midfield they have a good marriage am i saying it's the best a very good success rate in uh in marriage counseling you know why because i i learned and continue to learn to put yourself aside that's the only way that marriages and relationships will work if in yiddish there's the word you you put yourself aside you you don't get it your way yeah that's it that's right you swallow your pride and you can't swallow your pride it's over it's a disaster and and and for the sake of children and grandchildren and family and community and yourself how many people have gone the other route and they're miserable what have you accomplished you're not 25 mr macho you know bodybuilder anymore you're an old you know what i don't want to say it on air you know so who's looking at you what are you you know who's looking at you yeah who wants you who wants you what are you whether you have a pig you don't have a beard you ain't 20 25 30 years old you know you're not a football player anymore bodybuilder you're an old guy get out of here oh so the next thing i'm gonna do is i'm gonna run around and sleep around okay you wanna do that ruin your life become a nut you know get diseases and then and who knows you're gonna give away everything so that maybe maybe it's better to swallow your pride stay married stay in the relationship and the same as with work employ your employees there's all kinds of issues how many times we've told our children you know until you have a secure other position you don't leave your position swallow your pride yes and i am i'm very proud of some of my daughters who really i felt deserved to leave the place because the pay was so little and what they did know what they're doing and they said no and they outed me and i'm happy i'm i'm the happiest parent there's when a child does better than a parent that's making them happiest and what's the message the message is you stay put you don't run and the rebber taught this too crown heights was going bust brooklyn was on fire not just for chicago brooklyn l.a in the 60s wow neighborhoods tesla barbara's forever staying put but they're shooting stay put you know those that stayed put and bought up real estate today their bank accounts are loaded thousand dollars a house that's worth today a million dollars yeah that's what you could have gotten a house in 1971 72 73 in crown heights and then brownsville and east flatbush and today it's worth seven eight nine million dollars hundred thousand dollars right their epis they're almost said rabbi feinstein said it the satmarov said it those three rabbisha feinstein stayed in the lower east side they're devastating crown ice the sophomore rough state in williamsburg the puerto ricans of williamsburg the issues of of crown heights and the issues of lower east side no terror says you stay put the idea is when you look at yourself and frankly many of my neighbors here and i've just had discussions with them including their leadership they they looked at themselves and they left and they went to borrow park and god bless them god bless them but but our habits attitude and as i say it wasn't knowing the rebels rabbisha feinstein it was lit fish not a husset and the sacrament of soccer they said no you don't leave in other words so when there are issues and this is what the rabbit means i want to conclude moshe asked me whether it's rum whether you're on top of the world or it's it's mar it's bitter you have to make a menorah out of it from that lump of lump of gold turn it into a manure from the from the from the problem turn the problem into a springboard for positivity you need direction and you need help and you need therapy and you need rabbis and counselors and friends granted but stick with the program and i think you know we talk to ourselves and then we share with others and that's what it means moshe it's you know i mean did you did you have anything in particular in mind that you you want that you were thinking about when i said that last time that you want to be elaborate or or it makes sense to you now thanks no no it makes sense everything you shared today is completely is very very helpful very helpful um it's it's it's an ongoing issue you know the ongoing issue and and this is the beauty of life i mean the beauty of life is the challenges the beauty of life is not when everything is going well the way i'm sorry it's not not the way when everything's going your way the way you see it your way the beauty is when you take something that's difficult and you make it into good you're a much stronger person you've really accomplished something yes hillary just wanted to share with you that uh in a piece i was reading last week from the telnet rebbe he described when his his grandfather rubio the old told nareba went to um to meet with with the freya de caraba who was we're learning yeah and he asked him he asked him for a bracha that he shouldn't have nishionos in life and and the and the rabbit said that nicionas are the icker that was his answer to him and uh and he says but he says don't we say in the morning don't bring me to a messiah and so the rabbit said um uh so he says um he said yeah but look what it says right after uh lowly day messiah the whole the whole reason uh not having this genus is we shouldn't be ashamed but but the nissionis themselves we have to embrace that was his answer to biochina yeah and it's thank you very much for sharing because i'm a good company i said i you know saying that i said that yeah this is is you know it's it's it's an issue it's a it's a thing to work on you know like you say the balance between altivi daniel and dany soyeon vloyley davis zion so you heard that with the frieda grabber told it on the river very good that that not that you shouldn't have any soy on the result of the nissan shouldn't be a bizarre and an embarrassment and once you become embarrassment when you when you when you reject the nisoya that's the way i'm interpreting his answer yeah nice yeah i like that yeah i think that's what he was telling it was he was telling to tell the rebbe you know don't reject this sawyer you know um anyone else want to say anything i mean this is a little heavy so we gotta have to air it out a little bit abram velvel yay the youngest in any thoughts yes yes velvet you want to say something no okay avraham yes uh i think about when i mean elia back in 2009 i was really unprepared for the the test i was about to embark on but they made me such a much stronger person what i really wanted to capture was that the closest i got to his show when i was suffering i want to maintain that same closeness but things got better right from a mark to a room sometimes you forget about what you went through right but you want to hold on to that and use it to keep you going so you won't go back to that place you have all that suffering again and not only won't you go back you'll use that and you use the energy in a positive way yes so i'm a totally different person i mean moshe was around but it's only a beginning of rome it's only a beginning you have many more years and you have grandkids you have a whole you have a whole lineup so uh yeah again we have four sons who just went still in the home so i had my share of tesla believe me good have a great day we'll see everyone tomorrow it's jim shut up bye-bye oh tube is everybody growth growth growth bye [Music]