Mrs. Esther Serebryanski, history, bright, Rebbe guided her, Melbourne 1960-90 - end of Shiva - RCD

So today we're going to um talk a little bit about my mother-in-law Esther Basa Morai Magnus was his last name and she married my father-in-law and became Sarah Bransky. So she passed away last Thursday. Today is the end of Shiva. Uh she was a month shy a month shy of 96 years old. And um she had what we would call traditionally in our uh kazal misikin very close to it the kiss of death. Um after her husband passed away, my share passed away 10 years ago seven a few years later. My sister-in-law, the the my wife's younger sister, invited her to her house, gave her a room and made it really comfortable. And um and really uh my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, God blessed them. They were there 24/7. And my wife started to come every day. And then between the two sisters, they really took care of the mother tremendously. And she passed away in the in in her bed. In her bed, she passed away. Her heart uh stopped working. Okay. So, um several weeks ago, we were told that uh you know, she had a some kind of heart episode, a heart heart attack, and uh but you know, she was conscious and uh that you know, time is coming. Barak Hashem Bar Hashem um she passed in the in the holiest way in in the most special way. So every passing is is sad. At the same time, Hashem gives us the Shiva process and theim and the year and the yard site to to reflect. And I learned from the Reb when his Rebbitson Mushka passed away in 1988, the Reb used a line that's brought and the living shall take to heart and the Reb and and he would talk about this the entire year and he framed that year I think every single week in honor of his wife's non and the message different messages based on the Torah portion but the words were consistent in other words what's what did he leave us with what do I understand from this that the that the you want you're sad about the person who passed away it's it's sad they're not here I don't care if they're you know 20, 50, 80, or 96. They're not here. Do you want to keep them alive? Then you the living make it important to your heart. Do something to keep them alive by doing something. That was the message that the Reba shared. And again, it Ebbitson passed away at 87 88. You know what I'm saying? She also had a long life. But regardless, a loss is a loss. A mother is a mother. So I just want to tell you a little bit about her life. She was born in of and she would say the same day when the pogrums broke out in Kevron August of 1929. That was the day she was born. And of course we know the great depression 1929 30 right happened then. So she was born and lived during the depression years which meant poverty difficulties. She was >> she was born in um I believe uh New York or New Jersey. Uh her father was might have been in Jersey City, a rabbi at the time. In Harlem, I'm sorry, in Harlem. You know, you mentioned Harlem for those of us from the East Coast. You know, just the word itself has you running the other way. First of all, I mean, just as an aside, you know, Bill Clinton opened up his entire um office in Harlem because of G gentrification. So the Harlem of the 1950s and60s which was a ghost town and a a war a war zone uh has changed you know changed relatively speaking but and it used to be >> I grew up there I grew up close to Harlem right next to Harlem >> not to Harlem okay it used to be in the 20s and 30s Harlem had a lot of yeeton schul you know so she was born in in Harlem and um she grew up during that time went to public school. Okay. There were no uh girl schools. Her father was a her father and mother were both European. Both came from stock. I think her father came from Alexander and the mother from Garrick, you know, background, but they weren't, you know, um, you know, active with beards and payers. You know what I'm saying? Lineage wise. But her father was aim and her mother who my wife's named after Basia um was a tremendous educator. So much so that when the basakov started in in Williamsburg or in the lower east side wherever it was in the mid 1930s 35 or 36 1936 and they were living at that time I I not in Harlem. They were living in another another city, another place in New Jersey I think. And Rebbitson uh Rebbitson um Kaplan and Mandel these were people who were very uh you know foundational to started the Bayakov Bakov in America. Okay. There was no Bakov before and um she took she took the public transportation. No one had cars and she was shlept all the way down to bring my wife's bubba basia asked her to please come help her to start the school. That's what type of excellent mkas educator she was. And although you think the husband had a job at at the time in one of the local shooles, they did move they did move back to uh to Brooklyn and got involved in that that bas. uh father had started a yeshiva in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn. Yonyi knows well the the area and um at some point he was also asked by the previous Reb to help the new fledgling Kabad girl school called B Rifka after no not Brika B Sur. it it the the the school originally kabad was named after the rashab's wife rabbit rabbit sur then they made up some merger with b yakov and it became b yakov and then kabad opened its own school base rifka so they were educators and and my mother-in-law would always speak about this and in in particular her her mother because There were two girls. They had two children. Two girls. Raul who was alive and she's the rabbitson of Worcester Rab Hershel Foggelman of Worcester Mass. His wife is my my was my older sister. She's alive. She's 97 two years older. So the they lost their mother in 1949. I believe she was 40 to uh or 1942. Yeah, 1942. She was for she was 49 years old. She's a very young person. She had high blood pressure and they didn't have the medicines and she passed on. So the girls her father remarried within the year and for whatever reason the they went into dormitories and and they they weren't at home. So this was a very big loss and she would she would speak to her mother in the kitchen or in the dining room or doing the laundry. She would say mama, you know, talk to her mother and sing to her mother. It was obvious that it was um you know it was it was trauma, you know, and but she took it in the right way. very very sensible, solid person, but it was painful when you lose a mother at 12 years old and you're kind of you you're you're raising yourself. You're your teenage years. Now, her sister Raul married in 1946. She was 18 years old, Rabbi Foldin. She was she became Kabad and she was, you know what I'm saying? And my mother-in-law did not marry yet. and uh didn't marry for another 13 years. She didn't marry till 1959. So she was 30 years old, an older girl. My mother-in-law met quite a few people uh personalities. Um some were later some became Russia Yeshiva. some were prominent Jewish uh singers and artists, you know, but for whatever reason, it didn't click. Now, she was an American girl, a front girl. You would say, you know, but on the modern side, what do you mean on the modern side? You know, in those days, how many girls, you know, were were not sleeveless? I'm just saying it it was from from home. It was a different culture at the time. But because of her strong, you know, Jewish her strong home education and her own way of developing herself. She, you know, questioned herself and she at the same time she would come for Shabas to her sister and there she met Zman Shakar and there she met Schlomma Carlbach, you know, cuz they were friends of Hershel Foggamin and cuz they would travel to, you know, Brown University, Rhode Island, Boston University in in in in Boston and and Worcester is right next to Boston. So she had a she had a an exposure to to all of this and then she took some college at Brooklyn College. Then in 657 the Reb started a magazine called the Yiddes Shahim the Jewish home which I believe she actually suggested that name and her superior was uh Rabbi Uriel Simmer. Now a real simmer was a very interesting person. He was a highly talented, gifted person. They say he knew 10 to 15 languages. He was a translator at the UN. He was the editor of the of the Yiddish newspaper their yeid that the Sappere bought. He was a Canoi from the Nura Carta. And he grew up in Vienna as modern Zionist and he became an atura cartinet and then he becomes a laber. The pedigree and background that this man had was most fascinating. Nebach he he wasn't well at the end of his life. He was wheelchair bound for several years. passed on at you kiss I believe so 61 or 62 and um he checked my mother-in-law was the first editor for the yiddish for the English section and who reviewed his work her work rabbi sim simmer real simmer and then the rebba re then was sent into the rebb and the rebba made his remarks and amitions on her work. So they realized her talent and they gave her that position. But all this she's still she's single and you know she would like to marry and she's not finding you know uh the person. Well, lo and behold, my father-in-law, a Russian labid from Kharkov with a pedigree going back to the altered real kabad was came comes to America in 1958 and in 1959 through a mutual someone knew them both. They were introduced and she tells over how um she says, "Yeah, I liked him, but I wasn't sure, but I could see that, you know, maybe it has potential." So, she goes into the Reba in 1959 to discuss this man that she met. And the Reb tells her like this. And listen to this answer. I'll say it in Hebrew. I I I I think I remember most of it. The Reb says like this. Um, surely you have discussed your attitudes, your hashkuffos, including including dra Australia, including living in Australia because my father-in-law was from Australia from Russia to France. to Australia, right? He came there in 1949. His father were amongst the five that started the Kabad community in Melbourne, Australia. So the Reb tells this girl, "Surely you've discussed your hashkuffas, including in other words, part of that conversation should have been about you living in Australia and Shhatal and wearing a a wig. the and if you're agreeable may I heard this just this week I just heard it you know during the sh they sent around this interview where she says it herself and to me it's so eyeopening first of all this type of language and answers from the rebba In my time when I became a we didn't I never heard such a you know it it wasn't it wasn't the the language that ever used as far as I know I don't know why but but here in 1959 that did use it and what is he saying he's saying you're an American girl I'm not I'm paraphrasing you're an American girl he's a Russian the hashk Guffles that you come from are very different. Very different. They're night and day. So if you could come to terms with the different ashkafas and accept them and embrace them, we have what to talk about. Number two, part of that is some technical practical stuff in addition in addition to philosophical hashkafas and that is are you ready to move to Australia which is interesting to me because I don't know the conversations that the rebba had with my father-in-law before but he knew that he's coming from me from Australia because his father was the the rebl the previous in Melbourne so and And it's obvious my father-in-law, we I we know he was his right-hand man, even though he was a businessman and he worked, but he he was his his father his father's right-hand man. And he I have that on tape where Zalman, my wife's wife, my wife Zeta says it. My my my son is my right-hand man. So, he's going back to Australia. You're an American girl. It's 1959. You want to go back to Australia? It's not Radio City. It's not Hollywood. It's Melbourne, Australia. And and I relate to it so much more because when my father who was, you know, from Romania, who is from Romania and and and married my mother who's a survivor and then grew up in Costa Rica and says she wants to come to America. Why? because of Radio City, because of the movies, the Big Apple, you know, and and she was a flu girl, but you know, was a young woman and wanted to see the world. So, you know, this the Reba says the same is saying the same thing in a sense like are you ready to move to Australia? So, that's one practical thing. And the next thing is you know you're you're this man this is going to want you to wear you know not the whole time but you know what I'm saying covering your hair are you ready to do that and the Reb again understands that you're an American girl you're from girl most most girls women were not wearing shait yes >> was that what the culture Yeah. >> that they were not wearing. >> No, >> that's my >> Yeah. And I I could tell you big raim and rabbis wives didn't wear sh and cover their hair when when they went to shul and went to a sima, they covered their hair and maybe even when they went outside, but not all. I know people who went into the house and saw their hair uncovered. Now, okay, you could say you don't have to cover in there. You're under one roof. But I'm saying you're talking about prominent rashivas prominent people. Okay? It it it definitely was not in the cards. It was it was a it it it again I'm not even talking about a whatever was you should wear. But even if you're wearing a t or a hat it was it was you know I told you I just I think I told you a few weeks ago Rabbi Salvetic's wife Tanya did not cover her hair. So they came to him and I'm talking later in the 60s and they said you're modern orthodox this that why you but still I mean you're salvic and you you you know so he said what do you want what do you want for me you want me to divorce her it didn't happen okay so I'm just saying that that was that was the norm the the the exception was to cover your hair. So anyway, those three things is what the Reb told her Australia and uh and she accepted those three things. She wanted those three things and she started a in a sense a whole new life because when they moved to Australia in 5960 when they moved there and by the way they got married on a Friday and before they had yidas with the rebba and they got married in the backyard of rebendto on leffort boulevard in Crown Heights that's where the wedding was and and she um she uh the rep when when when they took my father-in-law. She told the Rebba that they plan on getting married on a Friday. The Rebba smiled. He says, "Very good. You know that the Rabim got married on a Friday, too. It's the kind of the very special time to get married." So, they moved to to Melbourne, travel by go to San Francisco, I think, by by by plane and then from there by boat. Many many hours. And uh she was there 30 years till 1990 or so 60 to 90. 1960 1990 30-year-old girl woman had nine children to the age of 45 >> and the and she became a a mashpia really the sense to so many people in the community. Now Melbourne was a Holocaust community but the kids growing up and she was an excellent counselor not official with Shalom bias and then college students came in other words she probably was the address for any rational thinking uh individual that didn't come you know from Russia and you know what I'm saying this was a an American girl who was broadminded yet from and if you look on the comments on C from last week you know they you'll see you'll see what people wrote and it speaks for itself and they had an open home an open home I mean people would come in without you know asking and and just coming in and all kinds of people including some derelict and they always had food and they always made them comfortable. So she was a stay-home mother again having children from 1960 to uh for 15 years 1975 and was always available always available for people. Many Balshuas came out of that house and even those that weren't Balishuas but had issues with marriages and kids they knew they can come hear her to speak to Esther Esther Sarah Bransky. So those 30 years in in Melbourne we see now the Reba's words on one hand the Reb is telling her in 1959 are you sure you want this? Are you sure you're ready for this? You see, when you hear such words from sadic, you have to reflect and be and take it seriously. In other words, there's an opening here. Am I ready for the challenge? On one hand, the Reb is is in a without saying it because it's your free will and your decision, he's kind of saying go for it. You could do it, but you got to work hard. And if you work hard, you'll be you'll succeed. But if you want to do, you know, if you you wanted a an easy way out, it's not going to work. And she worked hard by being a committed mother and and and and and wife and counselor and Mashpia. And they started at a girl seminary. She was, you know, for the first she I think was a Hill a Hill director for a year or so at MES University in Melbourne, I think. um you know smiling and laughing and talking and her big thing was Pirkyas. She always taught Pyovas repeated sayings and teachings and she said her mother instilled that in her that if we live our life with Pirkovas we're going to have a good life. 1990 she comes back with her husband and two daughters to to Brooklyn and passes on 35 years later. So I figured it out. 65 years of her life were pretty much in the Brooklyn New York uh area, larger area, New York, New Jersey, Brooklyn, all that. and um 30 years in in Melbourne. That's um a kisser of of her life. Pretty pretty, you know, that's a kisser of her life. Yes, Misha. So just so in uh hearing sheish I mentioned this to you before quite some time ago but I bet your your father-in-law when he came um he came to mish back in 200 uh 2004 maybe 2005 approximately >> and that's when he stayed with Stern with Shia Stern he stayed cuz they're family friends from Australia >> correct Correct. Correct. But you're saying at that time they they were living in Brooklyn. >> They were living in Brooklyn already. Yeah. They they moved to Brooklyn 1990, I think. Yeah. But that >> what moved them from Australia to Brooklyn? >> I'm sorry. >> What moved them from Australia to Brooklyn? >> Uh the um the economy went sour big time and my father-in-law was a very successful businessman. Um and uh the banks closed up and everyone went went down with them and that was um he was part of of the fabric and uh he had you know had to go um and and and he went you know but I'll tell you something I I I I also heard him speak about this a time of pain but but but with acceptance it was such a it's such that you know um it's painful you know a human being is pained when something happens but as soon as you you you the study about and you live with that and he he actually he became he became one of the if not the most respected in 770 And they wanted to make him a mashia and the holy the main yeshiva and he would pass by the rebba and the rebba said no stay in business. The yeshiva begged him to be a mashia and he would have been a tremendous mashia in the yeshiva just looking at him and listening to him. But the reba said stay in business. So he he listens. So but in 770 he started a shir in the morning Shabbas's mornings he made the copies and so many things he was involved in the community in a quiet way he did things in a very unassuming quiet way but he he was behind it so there's no question that you know in Melbourne this was his um you know his his his area where you know where he spent most of his you know much of his life. But he he turned sorrow and pain into growth in crown heights and he merited being with the rebba the years till you passed on theus and then even in 770 again there he didn't he didn't lose himself he became you know and he and he and he was uh he he loved dinging his 770 the last rash shana he had a place towards the front And it was very hard for him and he had to go out to the bathroom and and he pushed himself. This this man was 85 86 and you know 85 84 85 and there's all these bakarim all around and it's you know 5,000 people. So he had that nas and delight to end his life being in 770 withidim uh and again there too he had mushim people who would take counsel from him. So he turned you know his situation of having to leave Australia into uh growth. What else would you like to know? Anything else? Can can you can you remind us how ramen but fit into your family? >> Yes. uh my wife's gr grandmother in other words my father-in-law the one that Moshe referred to his name was he his mother his mother was Mendel Futafasa's sister Rendel had one brother and two sisters theidic artist Hen Kan Lieberman he's a futurfas he's actually older dur mandal Right. Handle. They called him Hendel Lieberman. He was a futafas. He was born in 1900. I believe Ramen was born 1907. In between that two sisters, Braha and Ga. Golden married Shmto you know Rabbi Shmto Kasriel from the his grandmother from Mayonaut is was a sister to my wife's grandmother Braha Braha married Zalman Sarah Bransky so the answer is that Mendel and and and and Braha were brother and sisters so the Sarah Branskys the Sarah Branskies the Shmtoves and the Futafases are three brother-in-laws. One passed away on Gimmel Tamosman Sarah Bransky in Australia. Next brother-in-law the the the Shento Ben Shtov passed away in 1975. Nebuch a car accident I think at Kabad. So he's buried in erisol shto and the third brother-in-law of mendelutifas passed away in England because his son barl was living in England and he went to be with him towards the end of his life passed away there. So Zom Sarbransky passed away on Gimmel Tamos. Um Raendel passed away on Dalat Tamos and Betsy and Shtov passed away on Hamas. One day apart from each other in three different places, three brother-in-laws. >> Yeah. >> Will your mother-in-law's memory be for a blessing? >> Amen. Amen. Listen, you know, it's a it's a it's you know, like I said, what do you what do you do about it now? You know, what do you do about it now? Yeah. Here, someone came in, my wife gave this to someone came in who wrote every time my mother would say something to her, a friend from Australia, my wife's a friend who's close to my mother-in-law, she would write it down. So, here she said something. Everyone leaves a legacy behind and our job is to carry on the legacy. That's our responsibility. Here's the first snippet. Hill, close your ears. Total waste of time going for counseling if you don't want to go. >> I agree. >> Okay. Um to each their own. That is the answer to a lot of things. And this is an interesting thing because I saw this No, she was no slouch. She had an opinion and a strong opinion, but a certain point I saw this when, you know, there was a disagreement, a difference. She just said, "Okay, let's go on." And she really forgot about it and she didn't hold a grudge. You know, in in other words, she didn't have to be my way and make a fight out of it. Listen, you know, I understand it this way. You understand this way. I think this is better for you. You know what? Let's go on. That's a very important thing in life. Um you don't connect by taking, you connect by giving. Mach isn't that a beautiful another saying we should be full of kak and moak talented people have sensitivities that can sometimes get them in trouble. Anyway, there's a lot here. I'm not going to read it all, but um she's a bright woman, a bright, articulate woman. >> She lived it the way she lived >> and and and and she lived that way. She really she really really lived that way, you know. She didn't even with her children and grandchildren. And what I saw is that because she was not aggressive and didn't push her agenda and her way of thinking and all of that, the grandkids came to her and to speak and seek out advice and sit for hours to hear her. And we're already, you know, except at his time, but we're grandparents. It's a very important lesson that you know you want to impose you know better you have life experiences sometimes kind of sitting back and just softly saying your message they'll come back they'll say I want to hear more tell me more of grandfather grandmother bubby zadei saba safa you know so and and and and she mamaish helped I and I know you know family she helped helped them straighten their life out, become successful, become focused, marry, you know what I'm saying? Stay put in many ways the the the the solidifying when a when a young man, a young woman has challenges, and who doesn't have challenges? We all have challenges, especially in those years in the late teens, early adulthood. It's very important to have someone you could talk to who is, you know, who listens and guides slowly. Usually, it's not it's not a parent. They're too close. But a grandparent can fill that role. A grandparent can fill that role. A friend just last night at the Shiva. So I see someone sitting and I didn't recognize and he and he goes like this to me. He's sitting on a couch. I was there and then I look again. Ah. So we were finishing ma. Then after mk I go over and I give him a hug and I start talking to him and this is someone who is a a family's relative. And it's a young man young man is in his teen in his uh adult young adult years. was lost in a way. And in speaking to him, he says to me, you know, I I'm having issues and I'm working I'm trying to work them out. And I just spoke to him and he spoke to me about history. He asked me what books I'm working on. and and then he wrote me a note uh when I came home and I could see that you know I said to him you should know that Hashem needs you. Hashem needs you and you have what to offer. He's a bright boy very bright and whatever I could do whenever you want to talk let me know. There are thousands, millions people like this if they would just have someone that they can go to to to air out >> to listen they would they would be rehabilitated and in today many cases your mish saving the life cuz some of these people take their lives I don't have to tell you you all know it's a very difficult time so us older People when we see someone come in and you see they're sitting themselves, go over to them, say hello, give them a hug, give them a smile. There's so much we can do. So that's it. Anyway, let's end on a on a happy note. The happy note is that Barashem, my daughter Ba, who was the the younger of the two that married last year, had a baby boy. Thank you. Thank you. Had a baby boy. Um, in other words, she when does she have it on in middle of the Shiva? Middle of the Shiva. And it's brought down that uh when you have dafa boy it says not a girl cuz for a it's a big for the family it's proton they sent it into me I have to reread it so they sheltered the baby should be gaz and um it should only be so it was uh >> a nine pound baby a big baby >> and uh Yeah. Or Hashem. So that's the way it is the cycle of life. >> Where is the breast? Where's the bris? >> Inemites you know in cranites we have a house. It's called the bris house. A person who's on you know the wealthier side. He bought a house a lab a big house and it's dedicated for bris. He doesn't charge you anything to use the house. I mean you have you know you have to pay to cater or bring your own food whatever you want. No he pays for the food. My wife I didn't know that he pays for the food too. Can you imagine what a mitzvah he he wants people to have bice in this house comes from sparic background. >> Yeah. It's called the bris house on crown street on crown between kingston and Brooklyn. Beautiful nice house. So I mean hashem there will be a bris in the right time. And uh I'm saying you know Hashem Hashem knows and God takes God gives you know I I Misha helped me I I I comforted our friend David Noble well he was not him but his wife cuz it was late at night. I sent him a message and she and and she left me a message and I tell you I I don't I'm not there. Mosa knows best. He's closest over there. But it sounded to me like they're they're they're taking the loss in a way in in in a way that's growth that I'm telling you much the way the way it sounds to me. I don't know if that's the case but you know whether it's the kadesh no you know such a young man that was taken uh and by the way that the his rebi from that that spoke I you know I understand the Hebrew but I didn't know what he's what he's alluding to later it was written up and maybe he said it but I didn't pick it up that he had a very hard time with reading reading the the sither. >> You know, you know what I'm saying? >> It took him a year to learn how to die. A year. >> A year. And he did it. >> And he did it. >> He had severe dyslexia. >> Severe dyslexia. You understand? But look how he didn't stop. And you know what I'm saying? So, you know, when when so I'm just saying that whether it's Mo's passing or or my my my my mother-in-law who married a very long life, Hashem, Hashem takes you at a certain time. The question is Hashem knows Hashem gives what's the replacement? What do we do now about it? And that's what I learned from the is to focus to focus on that and not to allow yourself into the the thinking he was shot and murdered on and on and on and on. You know what I'm saying? We know that you don't have to, you know, focus on the on the positive on what can we do and how can we bring his back by learning giving and all of that. It's Shabas coming. It's shabas pinas. Pinas is the we have our own pinas over there in BM's pin gold. One of our former talm may be well and hashem should help that we should have only today. >> What' you say? What >> came to? >> He came to show today. He learned he learn every morning as a after. So he comes and I gave him I gave him a very happy. >> Okay. Well, please send him my warmest regards. I love him. was a great guy and you know he's a man who's gone he's he's gone through shas several times maybe five six eight times he's a >> anyway only we'll we'll start the last essay of Tanya um next Monday in we'll finish it by the time of our break only and good things to everyone shalom good shabas good chabas bye bye bye bye bye bye