Mental Health solutions based on Chasidus Chabad- Tanya - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin, 7-22-2024, Cincinnati

you uh is it good and do me if you have a watch is that l no that's fine what time is it now going on 7:15 okay we'll start I just want to have a brief introduction dolin we're very fortunate to have him here to speak I I wanted to have something uh public for the 12th and of thas when the previous R was released and we're only a couple days past that so this is part of the idea over here which R dolphin will explain if he wants to and we're coming up to another important day so we're sandwich in between I'm sure he'll help us understand that I'd like to just ask everyone who didn't give a piece a coin yet into the charity box there's coins there that you can use pick it up becomes yours and then please put something into the charity box if we didn't and um just one thing to try to have also a prayer that uh may God bless our soldiers and IDF and all of the r Jewish people that live in Israel and they would have a quick and complete Victory and ultimately to to bring peace that we're all waiting for shord than you okay thank you good so thank you re carp for inviting me here to this wonderful Center that uh I just stepped into for the first time and uh the outer trimmings the Ambiance the Aesthetics here feel very very uh very light lots of light it's well lit I come from a place called borrow Park Brooklyn Brooklyn New York kadik know Crown Heights well there's another section called B Park where there are about 500,000 Orthodox cidic Jews 500,000 wow and um one of theic sects is called b b o bo oov or some call it babau they come out of Galia so the the the rebi that built that cidic movement here in America was called R Rabbi schlomo halber so his who are primarily businessmen they're not like in kabad many many of the are rabbis and teachers Scholars the the Galan Hungarian are very Down to Earth get a job make money help your family help the community give a lot of Saka give a lot of Charity okay so one of the other things that they do is they open up what's called little prayer houses little shoes they're known as able is from the word which means b a house akao okay which means you you take a room in your house you open it up you invite people in and you know if it goes well and you succeed from there you gather funds and you you know either build a place or get rent a larger facility anyway so some of his some of his followers asked him rebi he's a rebi his name they right known as the B the B of rebi the B rebi says rebi what's your advice to succeed in in in in having a shoe grow and and be a pleasant place what what do you advise us he says two things one is lots of Jewish books both Hebrew Books known Asim and English books as Jewish books an extensive Library so so that anyone that wants to study and wants to read should be able to come in and find the book of his or her choice the other thing and this is the connection to what I was saying before that it feels light he says to have very good lighting you'll have very good lighting it attracts the person and I tell I tell you personally a place that has good lighting like here there's a lot of light I mean this is a lot a lot of light for this room right you don't need uh there's three five 10 fixtures here and each one has two that's 20 you don't need that much light in here to have a lit room but the fact that there is so much light double that each one has four four right and the fact that each one has so much light there's so much light here I love it then we have a teaching of the Holy bov the one who founded theic movement and he teaches us a very important life he says Hal what does halol mean I don't remember halt means loved the word the normal word for love is Li yeah but there's another word that's not used as frequently is the word halol okay yes the the B loved light so Rabbi karp personally I thank you because I it's very well lit and I love it I'm serious so this is a uh an entry into our discussion tonight the first thing is I need you to relax and not to be uptight just chill out relax breathe be yourself really and try to imagine the next hour together that it is a therapeutic it will be a therapeutic experience and more so it will be what we call a cathartic experience cathartic that's a new one one could you please elaborate sure sure that's why I'm here thank you everyone knows what therapy is I understand you're a psychologist psychiatrist psychiatrist abouty so there's this classical therapy from Freudian therapy to cognitive therapy to behavioral psychology which by the way I have uh spent time on those ideas too but from a Torah perspective and more so from a mystical perspective I've written many many Works barem God has given us a tool today called the internet that if you use it right you can do things that you never were able to do before never I mean I've been writing for 30 years and primarily my have my strong writing began in the year 2000 so that's 2 24 years and with God's help I produced 100 books wow literally not I'm not exaggerating and people always ask me I mean like how well I non-stop writing and I know also the marketing and the publishing and because of the internet this this this this is made possible now why am I telling you that not to to my home horn the the first book I wrote was called your better self today I reprinted it under another title but that book was endorsed by Rabbi Dr Abraham tski the known psychiatrist we might be able to say that he was the first hdic psychiatrist in postar Judaism okay and I knew him personally so I sent him my book and he sent me an endorsement and it's in the back of this book which I've highlighted here called Tanya on mental health and I'll explain that soon so for the endorsement I used his book because it was already after his passing I know for sure for sure do I know that if he would have been alive and I would have sent him this manuscript he would have endorsed it because he taught Tanya in Pittsburgh where he ran his Clinic anyway so he gave me an endorsement for the your better self and in the in that book I covered such topics as love guilt loneliness friendliness and what is the IC antidote to those issues so I used classical but not so much the intellectual part of kism more the emotional and psychological part which isn't which we find in the book called Tanya and in the previous re's writings the previous re I'm referring to the one who was celebrating tonight RAB carp said it's associated with the 12th of tamus which is a few days ago it was his birthday Rabbi Joseph Isaac scharen he was born in 1880 and passed on in 1950 he was born in lubich in Russia and he passed on in Brooklyn New York I where everyone comes to which is called 770 so in his writings there's a lot of psychology he really talks to the person you know ground up and I I I've been on this campaign to to get the the the the young men studying in the Yesa and other to really start studying his writings because when you read his writings it's like you're confronted with who are you and are you a mench and if you're not a mench why aren't you a mench and how can you be a better mench a better person and it's really a lot in his writings so then I took the manuscript and I sent it to someone called Aaron Beck c father CBT correct cogal behavioral therapy I wanted his endorsement in order to do that I read the book called the new mood therapy I remember it was in Los Angeles in West Hollywood at the Yesa or I'm wearing and fosa we called it the Yesa or they gave me a room on the fourth floor third floor or whatever and that's where I began really and I read I read parts of that book to see the ideas as presented in cognitive therapy which I found and I marked up the book I have it somewhere showing similarities between cognitive therapy and kabad kidas and Tanya which became also part of my book your better self I asked him for an endorsement he wrote me back a letter he was old but he said he was waiting for the day for someone to write such a work where there is the integration of of kism or in his language mysticism Jewish mysticism which some called cabala even though I'm not I wasn't you I wasn't presenting pure cabala I was really presenting which is the interface between mystical Concepts in and practical con concepts of life and he said he was waiting for such a book on cognitive therapy so thank god um I did that and he gave me that uh that he sent me that letter so how do we how do we what do we do with all this what do we do with all this it says I said earlier it's all about light a person needs to find things in their life to feel good about very very important they can be very very trivial things you know but if they make you feel good and it counters the false good feelings coming from addictions and unhealthy Cravings so rather than talk about about you know the problems let's talk about the solutions okay we need to be solution oriented there is advice in one of our writings the book is called y Day Day meaning each day has a message you know the message of this particular for each of the 365 days a year this teaching is like this based on a verse in the the in the Torah in the prophets a worry in man's heart remove it now thank you very much of course I don't want to have anxiety I don't want to have worries so what is the great I mean what is the verse saying I mean what God what what are you saying here remove worries okay I know but you didn't didn't tell me how to remove the worry so the third Reb the first RAB of laich first of the first man men the great grandfather of the rebi he he explained it like this that the word in Hebrew you're marriage is so you know Hebrew HEB the word is can be written with s out of the 22 letters there's a letter s or a sin right they both sound the same s sin s with a s what does it mean remove it and that's the question is well how do I remove it so he says the interpretation instead of the S insert a sin what does the word mean to talk means a talk the way you remove worries and anxieties you talk it out what do you talk it out to you talk it out to a friend you talk it out to someone who really cares and wants to help you and when you talk it out you get you get as you say in English you get it off your chair test the more you do that the easier it becomes because number one you realize there's another person who's there to hear you to feel with you you know we talk about sympathy we need more than sympathy we need empathy sympathy is why you're laughing this is a lot sympathy instead of sympathy and replacing sympathy with empathy is a lot big statement big big okay okay well I'm a big man anyway yes yes I mean I like it it's good what do we need what what what does that mean sympathy means I I'm here and you're there and I have mercy on you or I'm giving you advice but I'm not in your place empathy means I'm in your shoes I'm not on the outside looking in I'm in you because I have such love care for you and I feel your your your pain I feel what whatever you're going through the hardships I want to say something else that's very important on this topic of mental health and and light and I I I'll say it with a story and it's it's it's a very heavy story but it's important you know there are there are things that we go through life and we experience that you never forget you never forget this story I'll never forget till the last day I'm on Earth it happened when I was a older teenager maybe a young adult 1920 in Los Angeles out of all placees on Wilshire Boulevard oh wow we studied at this yiva I told you about in Los Angeles called yes and on Fridays just like the students here they go out to the community to offer to put on fillan and talk to them to give out Jewish paraphernalia you know things like that so I had my route it was Wilshire Boulevard and Crescent Heights okay and I went into someone and I would talk to him and we and I would put on filing with him and normally the door of his he was a lawyer was open it was open he wasn't embarrassed to put on fillan even though probably he had non-jewish secretaries or others whatever he just you know one day one Friday I come my usual root we're going to put on filling and he says he called me a rabbi wasn't a rabbi really at that time he says close the door I said sure and we put on fill and then he say sit down he said sit down he said I want to tell you and he goes like he shows me he shows me his fingers and he says you see these rings and he had time I he had these fancy Rings a ring or two I he says and you see this big chauffeur he says I blow chauffeur in my conservative synagogue every rosashana and Rabbi I have a yacht and Rabbi I have a house in Hawaii and Rabbi have this he was a criminal lawyer that tried 19 cases and never lost a case so his pocketbook was you know he did very well he told me this and then he started to cry and he said but it's all worth nothing I said well it's worth nothing he says yeah because now I have to hide the silverware my not silver the silver in my house I have to hide it from my daughter because she's been stealing it and bartering it so that she can pay for the drugs that she that she takes that she uses and I was floored you know I'm I'm coming from Brooklyn I'm coming from the Yeshiva World I never you know heard you know such a thing it was very very eye openening now why am I telling you this because the way to begin a therapeutic and cathartic experience is to share it with someone just by sharing it it becomes a little lighter sharing a little more becomes a little more lighter and easier I didn't I didn't have I didn't have a solution for him but the solution was that he was able to talk it out and that's what therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists and social workers do I have two one daughter who's a social worker from um what's the school in New York not Hunter Hunter College she graduated my daughter and the other one now is finishing also as a social worker it's a very important thing but for us for us not but for us the the ability and here we're in a room where 10 12 of us whatever to to be be friends and and to to talk with each other to call each other now I want to say sometimes you call someone they say they don't have time don't allow that to dishearten you sometimes people are busy there you know sometimes you're middle of the road and you take the call and you you don't want to miss the exit there are times where you you can't take the call or you're busy you know so my wife I just spoke to her before I came here you know she says you're talking about this topic I want you to remember the people that call my wife and she has plenty of people calling her and they call quite a bit and you know sometimes I have one unmarried daughter left at home and it gets a little to much for her you know she feels that her mother is paying attention to other people and not as much to her and there's something to it at times but on the other hand there is this idea of of uh helping so my wife said remember remember that it's not easy dealing with ment mental health issues everyone has mental health issues that's my point the lawyer with the Rings who has all this wealth he's dealing with he's confronting a mental health issue the fact that has to do with his daughter but it impacts him and the and the proof and that's why he told me to close the door by the way cuz it was so personal it was more personal than the thrill that he the thrill that he put on with me wasn't embarrassed leave the door open I don't care who sees me putting on film but when he starts talking about his own life how it's inside is being torn up he asks me to close the door because it doesn't want anyone else to hear it so my first piece of advice is talk it out to a friend