Marriage, ups and downs, communication & medical issues - Rebbe's Advice #1

so I'm beginning today in honor of the Reb 30th upcoming gim a series called the Reb's advice based on my book The Reb's advice this book is a 300 page book and I've called from theb KES letters and many other sources notes and uh writings different things that the Reb advised as far as life life's issues so each time we'll take a topic and we'll read a little bit what he says I've basically translated it and if it wasn't clear or sometimes just to add a a little more clarity added a note to it and give you the actual source of where it's found the original so this today we'll start with chapter six in the book called dating divorce and marriage s writes to theb about their issues in marriage I've titled this excerpt problems are normal and here it is what you heard from others that Mar that married life has its problems and difficulties is to be expected this information does not prove there are many marriages that crumble because of conflict since there are in fact few such marriages rather all those who succeed do not complain and talk about their marriage problems because they work it out it is expected that there are are vistit toes in marriage marriage is good and necessary our T says so and one can observe that by looking at the by looking at the laughter towards those that are not married one hears such comments as look at that old single man or woman not that these comments are acceptable they aren't however one can see the common attitude towards unmarried people Hashem has God has saved you from such so much adversity you should be thankful by pursuing diligently a finding a spouse you write that you are not working hard in quotes to find a v a soulmate you should and do not allow yourself to get discouraged easily when you attempt to meet someone and then you do not want the responsibility of marriage you choose to let it go you gave up this is from The rebis KES volume 22 letter 8524 what the Reb is saying is that it's expected to have issues of marriage doesn't mean they're bad issues challenges opportunities and the comment that I found uh interesting in this letter is that the mentions the the fact that someone doesn't marry from from a community standpoint is looked at a little different I mean the Reb uses the word laughter which is a harsh word or harsher word his intent is not God forbid to put down someone who's single okay let's let's make this clear as long as a person tries their best and more than the best to find their soulmate their sh you've done you've done what you can okay but you have to really try and you have to make it the most meaningful in an important thing in your life so there's nothing Earth shattering in this letter but it's all inclusive knowing what to expect is solving the issue the problem let's take another letter making conversation again I've given titles to each of the excerpts that I translate the problem is that your relative says his fiance sometimes talked talks to him while sometimes she is despondent and does not make conversation it is because he needs to be more careful with his personal issues ofos modesty and Holiness let him also check his give before prayer and say at least one Psalm after each morning daving including chabas this is from The KES Volume 14 letter 4,771 so um the issue that sometimes some you know one of the people one of the you meet someone and one speaks talks and one doesn't it happens it's not a reason to to throw away the it's a reason that saying here to keep up the momentum keep it going and increase your own observance and Torah study which will add to the the flow of the conversation I thought that was interesting finally disclosing medical history this is a common issue an important one Reba writes after you verify your current medical situation with a doctor you should consult an ordained Rabbi who can guide you based on our code of Jewish law what that's the end of this excerpt but I'll just finish the sentence what you are obligated to divulge and what you're not obligated to divulge and this is very important if someone has a medical condition and the the essentially sends you to a r to a ordained Rabbi who knows this field to get guidance in particular how to deal with it and this should be uh adhere to in in this situation let me know what you think and uh we'll come back for more take care