Maamar Zochor 1934 #7- Embracing Deficiencies in Marriage, Work, Friends, School

good morning we're on page 143 in the my zacharias lake we've been learning some beautiful wonderful considers psychological aspects of siddhis i was thinking about it if you ask a psychologist if you if you heard ours you're in the last few weeks you would say what does it have to do with considers it's psychology the truth is that say this like i always say is the best psychology the best psychologist said this if you if if we if you learn to do this and you understand because it is and you live with kasiras you're the best psychologist so defeated could have been here in this mimer he seeks to tackle the idea of amolek you know it's already other region as we all know and uh encroaching on the zion other rishi the yachts are measurable which we keep and then we have purim cotton which we'll speak a little bit about let me show when we get to that day and uh then we have the following month forum so it's the purim season you could say so there have been this poor reminder which he said in riga in 1934 not exactly uh a bastion of hasidic judaism nevertheless he seeks to inspire you might say the very regulated um yekis okay this wasn't really lit [ __ ] town it was yucca town and whatever seeks to in a sense bring in varn kite warmth siddish kite movement into the entire area not just those listening to the mimer but we have the mimer and we learned the mimer so it applies to us and everyone else as well and what is it is that when it says it seems to imply that the issue is that had the audacity the chutzpah to attack us but say say something we just experienced yeti i'm sorry just experiencing it's right and chris yamself you would think that all the non-jews and all the nations and everyone would be humbled before the jews and would be thankful to the jews i'm thinking about it like an earth israel the whole world should be praising and lording eric disro for doing what it's done the last 70 years or so whatever it's amazing it's amazing which other country could show what the leaders and technology the leaders in medicine in so many fields you should be taking i just role and putting in a pedestal and showing it for the whole world you want to see an example of how from nothing you can create something look at them and instead we have every day another issue and another here the last one of the last issues is someone who actually was known to be close i think to the jewish community i think she grew up in in in brooklyn i don't want to mention her name on on um in in a holy class like this and she goes and mistakenly makes a comment about the holocaust so they put her on a two-week suspension from abc wow oh so instead of her making the 5 million a year she's making 4 million 800. what a punishment really what does it tell you it tells you what rashi says what rashi says which when you learn the rashi it's hard to swallow halloween ace of hates yaakov hates yaakov well hate comes in different forms so many times it's disguised and it comes out when you just say oh some of my best friends are jews you know and and like so there's nowhere to go my friends we are who we are and we need to be proud of it and we stand up with it and if someone doesn't like it fly a kite and we go further and the truth is that the stronger you are and the more open you are with your yiddish guy with your beard with your yarmulke with your payers with whatever you believe it and you go and you say this is who i am they respect you more and this is true also from within when you start cutting corners and you start uh capitulating you start you know making changes in your display of yiddish kite because others some others have issues and you start giving in to them you've lost the plot and you've lost the game and you'll be finished you need to stand strong and those that don't understand don't understand if they want to understand they'll understand and it and at the end they'll say ah this person stood up what he believed and this person has a message maybe it's not what i agree with maybe it's not what i like maybe it's not my [ __ ] but this person definitely stands it believes believes in something i remind myself it to support that that uh the the the previous rabbit grandson barry guerrari shalom bergari he wrote writes he wrote in his manifesto that um that he wrote which was never printed and he writes there that re about his f grandfather our author their previous rep he says whether you agree agreed with my grandfather or you disagreed one thing for sure you couldn't ignore him i love that line i remember the line you could disagree with him but you can't ignore him because you know that he is a he is he is as we say in in hebrew he's a somebody he's someone to be reckoned with and the same is with every one of us we need to develop a uh enough connection with hashem that we are something in the sense that we represent takadesbarco you might not disagree with you might disagree with me and not agree with me but nevertheless you won't ignore me you understand and that's very important and that's healthy self-esteem and we need to teach this to children and grandchildren not you need to know that alive people are going to disagree with you they're gonna be people that don't like you nevertheless nevertheless if you're an honorable person they won't ignore you you know i told you this also when i was a 17 18 year old booker and doing the rift i am on fifth avenue and 47th street with the mitzvah tanks in manhattan and i was asking men if they would like to put on filling and women if they want to you know like sharpest candles et cetera you know it's called the material the outreach and uh there were two types of people that passed by you understand it's twelve one o'clock uh on a weekday in in manhattan there are thousands and thousands hundreds of thousands of people walking back and forth one group of people would ignore me they were jewish but they would ignore me the other group of people would say leave me alone i don't have no time for you stop with your antiquated you know mitzvahs and stuff get with it get a job and make a living and who's so who's closer who's fur who's further from from torah mitzvahs from from kite the one that says it's all antiquated and ridiculous or the one that ignores you the answer is the one that ignores you the one that makes a comment a negative comment there's something in him that's that's bothering him and therefore he shoots out the person that don't give a hoot because they're really distant is the person who just looks at you can even smile at you and really stabbing a knife in your back and he just ignores you ignoring the person is the worst thing i always say with my whatsapps and then texting and then emails all i want of you is just to acknowledge that you got it 1k you don't have to do more than just hit a k and that little k tells me you didn't ignore me it doesn't mean you're you agree with me it doesn't mean you like what i wrote but at least you're giving me the decent basic derek harris that when i took the time to write to you you wrote i got it and i know they say today well it's automatic because you see one check and two checks and all that stuff into whatsapp forget about the checks one or two just take a second show that you care a little bit and write k that ever spoke about this nakuda too by the way that ever spoke about it in the terms of what's called yoini your little pinky your little finger apply apply yourself just with a little pink in a little finger show you care and you know how much we would do for human relations if we improved in this area and people improved it would be so much more loving and and togetherness when you ignore someone it's the worst thing and remind us of another secret the previous rep where he says this is a wonderful thing to remember he says sometimes just with the yiddish the word is krum or in in the hungarian cream cream cream means with the with the twist just with the cream of the nose you could kill someone what is it saying the torah keep it with their anger moshe remember this because some good you're a gaba you need to have these one these quick liners to zap the guys that come and attack you so here's a good one kibi oppam shimon and levy with their anger hargo ish they they went and killed people right it's it's a puzzle in in with rashi over there so there's a famous saying that i forget who to who it's attributed to kibi apam the word apo also comes with the word knows sometimes only through your nose you could kill a person harush sometimes someone says uh so and so i did this and this and you go the twist of the nose can kill a person you don't have to say anything you don't have to do anything you discounted the person right there and then and the person who sees that says uh-huh i got it and he has a negative opinion of that other person so i i'm i'm reminded of that teaching keep it up when we talk about ign ignoring someone ignoring is also an op-amp all you did you didn't do anything i just didn't answer your email i just didn't acknowledge your whatsapp or your text or your or your phone call that is hargo-ish ignoring the person shows that you the person in your eyes is valuable is is not valuable it's not important and these that we're discussing here are part of this mimer and that's why that level says he focuses in on amalek attacking the jewish people when they were bad derek what does baderick mean on the road that ever says what does that mean why are we highlighting the road the way the path we don't know yet we'll wait to see what the rabbit says at the end of the migrant but that was his first question the second question is oh second question is and it seemed and and for the pussic what's the antidote to avoid the issue of amalek vis-a-vis attacking us by derek it is zachar remember not blow a schaefer not learn toyota not do misfits a new idea zucker memory remembering amolek that in and of itself is the antidote to karjaba derek so the rebbe's second question is what does that mean how do we what it how do we what is it what does that mean so that's what that that's what he began the mind with but as i told you many times he goes away seemingly in a different direction talking about his character issues because he want he's exploring what is amolek he speaks about the apathy he speaks about no sensitivity to godly godliness because of a lack of his blindness this is siddhis so that the entire body of the mimer is siddhis concept of meditation we also learned another concept last week which i was was fascinating the concept of the goodness of the nepheshabamis another new idea that that we explored so now we will continue this idea let's go bottom of page 143. said i have taken less of your time and explained to you what we need to do when it comes to dealing with ugly character names in a nutshell their idea of the idea of ugly character is to conceal that godliness should not be palpable and felt in one's soul for who are you today drawing a person in two worldly matters as we said before indulgences and we spoke a lot about shanta of visa etc when one exerts themselves girdles their lawyer that's my expression and they start doing in the service actively of study tied in davening dedicating oneself to spirituality the nasino zoo oxima this very dedication is the fact that he gives himself over completely to spirituality matic that itself removes him from the material the physical and he says means to give yourself over the the giving of oneself over so rised him up it tears him away from gosmius so the first step is abram there has to be distancing yourself from gas means that's the first step in other words here is the example you need you're going to have the jonathan the kishka but don't rush let others take it before you and guess what let it not be boiled boy but boiling hot it'll be just so you have just distance yourself a little bit from the gash mirrors then you'll eat the chong it'd still be warm but that tither that bran was saying yiddish that brent that passion that i must have the first person after the condition before the card is to run to the chong then it has to be boiling and i said you severed that you cut that out because you held yourself back and you let other people go first when you do that look what the rebel says further um so that separates you from the corporeality so we have two things here kashmiris and humerus and it's important because this will come up in many my murray kashmir is material physicality right and humerus is the the corporeality of it the grub kite the coarseness of it that's whom he is so the rabbit says when you distance yourself from the gas mias that will separate you from the hundreds and now he says in yiddish you know what that distancing will do that corporeality will be not acceptable whatsoever so in other words the gosh me is is still acceptable to you you're going to eat the chunks no question about it and you're going to enjoy the chunk however that passion like the animalistic passion and craving if you train yourself to not jump and step back that no longer will be an issue for you the grub guide he says by him up your fret leg the word object means frega means to ask the expression means it will be something that is totally not acceptable that's the english translation about it yes yes this is this is the same idea we learned a couple years ago about when you have a portion of food in front of you you're supposed to put it to the side you're not supposed to eat like if your wife gives you a a dinner a steak dinner you're not supposed to eat it right away you're supposed to push it and then wait five minutes is that the same thing but but not not in the technical terms if you don't push it aside that you just sit there and you don't jump at it it's just like pushing it aside so i don't want you to walk away thinking rabbi dolphin said or we learned in a minute there's a mitzvah you have to physically push it aside khabar doesn't work that way it's not khabad muslim muslim will do that khabar doesn't say khabad means the idea the idea whether you push it aside or whether it's in front of your face but you sit there and you're talking toro you're seeing you're nigging or you're just sitting back that's the concept and by the way that's a gemura it's a gemaran brachus i believe y'all today brings it in tanya but it's a gemara [Music] yes and the donkey has got two characteristics number one even in the summer he's very cold and the second one is that it's very difficult to get him to move to get into what to get him to move he doesn't want to move right he's lazy lazy all right of physicality makes us cold towards their godly and also we don't want to move we don't want to move we want to stay where we are and just be happy correct thank you thank you so look what the episode now yes yeah you're going back to what yoni uh yeah was that about just now it's interesting like just to take what you said i don't know just i find that the more citizen person learns right there's such a focus on refinement refinement of a of a person's character and the ex especially david this example about the challenge about the food it's like no it's not there's nothing wrong with having the food there's nothing wrong with having the troll there's nothing wrong with with having the kishki the hair and the kugel whatever the lakayams but it's that it's that it's that point about not like rushing that you have to have it now it's like it's like taking a moment and like putting i guess putting it in perspective yes yes yes i mean yoni was being very you know graphic and it's you know and good in a good way let's what how do you do it so and the answer is what the gomorrah says hold back and they would they would refrain right away from the food that was in front of them they they held back so it's it's the mindset whether you have to push it aside and not push it aside that's a technicality you know um that really depends for one person one second of run for one person not having the tithe in front of him that's the way he has an easier time dealing with it another person can have it in front of him but he you know if he can do the time out you know stop think relax chill you know he'll also accomplish that yes i've run i'm glad you're speaking i wanted to say i want to hear from you i'm wrong that's the first step in restraining from jumping into the next step is not to over indulge in it yes but unless you're doing it you know don't shoot two minutes and the rep is saying here that if you succeed in the first point it will help you succeed better in the second point you will eat differently you won't eat as much you won't drink as much you won't gossip as much so the first thing you have to do is you have to distance yourself from gas mias and when you do this so from gas mias it lessens the coarsening that you have towards it which is the that's exactly what he's saying let me just say the the inside next point he says on this means and when you do this process as we discussed then even the goshmias the basic goshmias will lose its appeal it's kismac so if you're wondering whether khabad supports geshmach in food and asleep the answer is no the problem is the geshmach of persons tainook should be in godliness now if you find godliness in food color kavat but you really have to be an honest person that's what discussed last last time you know you're drawing the art and if the art is something that maybe it's not a hundred percent are you really doing it because this is an expression of art and you really are totally not moved by the non-sneeze art or you are moved by that uh image but you're you're you're you're convincing yourself that it's because of art and that's a that only that only the only the artist can answer that no one can answer that so you know i remember with uh with tom from all over sholem you know and his wife's grandfather we had these discussions briefly you know and i was a booker and he showed me some pictures that i i looked the other way you know and he said you don't you don't you don't appreciate fine art i like who am i to answer in my books this wasn't acceptable because that's not what i was raised with but he's an artist so i'm not gonna go judge him i'm not gonna go judge him it definitely didn't feel that way but i could be totally wrong because i'm not in that world and the same is true in every issue of life to discern between eating something with geshemak with pleasure and it's holy and godly versus it's not only the person can decide and that's what avrom mentioned the other day eating shabbos is tynuk is the same answer i've wronged are you eating it because when you eat it are you do you really feel do you are you really in a place where you're doing it because it's shabbos or you're eating it because you you want the pleasure and you would do the same thing on monday and tuesday and if you and if the answer is one second and if the answer is that you do the same thing on monday and tuesday that you're not eating in a shop it's because of tying of shabbos you're eating it because you want a pleasure yes my shirt well that so that that explains perfectly why is it that when we have that joel and let's say it's a you know maybe some people have chong friday night whatever it is taste tastes amazing shabbos day tastes amazing then what happens mozart shabbos maybe you want to have some nobody wants monday night nobody wants it it's like okay okay i'm saying why why am i saying that because because you because we know it's i don't know i don't know what the macor is but the food shabbos food on chabas it has a certain taste there's a certain time that during the week often it doesn't have necessarily okay but can you can you honestly say that you can you honestly say if that's true that you know that's true that you have that you have tasted the difference between hotshot on a thursday night versus hotshot and a shabbos afternoon for sure well again well thursday night doesn't count because thursday night doesn't count because okay but but yeah for sure sunday night there's there's it there's no question right i'm just watching yeah yeah i know what you're saying i have sometimes i tell my wife just left over a lot of children leave it for sunday monday and it's not the same you're right but to the good everyone understands the point everyone gets let's continue i feel like yes and that episode why is it that the result will be such a positive good one because when you dedicate yourself to ruchnius in addition to you working and refining your character or the indian thinking correcting also your particular deficiencies every person has a particular deficiency in american whether it be an intellect whether it be in the heart issues emotional issues or the given and we have deficiencies of bad habits so when we dedicate ourselves to spirituality the see must leave then we gradually doing a work uh and we and we make our heart be attentive and that causes that these issues slowly dissipate they're not so bothersome i'm talking about uh he says here everyone has a particular deficiency whenever i call a reference for a sugar for my daughters the last question that i end the conversation with usually is the following and it always always throws them for uh throws them off tell me one deficiency that this bucker has so most will tell you no he's my friend i can't do that and some will say they've said it to me i never had that question asked that's a good question i said yeah i i i i'd like you to tell me you know and it's not gossip just tell me what which area is in weaken because we're all weak in a certain area and then i've gotten answers and then you see in other words the sugar hearing all good things is great right but when it you have to live with a person you have to live with their deficiencies [Music] and if you don't know what the deficiency is and then one day it comes to it it comes up and then you're lost so you have to know the killer what's their area of weakness and can i handle it and if you in my humble opinion if you say no you shouldn't marry them no people no one's perfect so the question is not the two things that we have in common that we could live with that we and we like within each other can we live and love each other and care for each other with the negatives that we have because we both have negatives we're not perfect and if you can answer yes to that then i think you're on a healthier path in in in in in a [ __ ] in a marriage i don't know what you guys think but that's my my thinking yes okay so this is a question that i was actually i was discussing this to my wife uh today actually yes when we talk about deficiencies um i i from personal experience i know it's when yiddish far blunder i keep for plunging in the same thing over and over again meaning like if that's what you're talking about like a deficiency there's one item in my life that i always feel like i'm constantly making the same mistake over and over again is is that what you're referring to or you're referring to something something of a different different realm i'm referring to that yeah i am referring to that what i was referring to it in the case of you know a marriage but yeah and and what what i'm saying is rather that the way to succeed is to embrace the deficiency and and someone just asked me that this sunday what you're just brought up what does it say about this issue and i told him that the it the rebel ashab writes it in in countries and he quotes it from the arizona and dariesel says that when a person sees throughout their lifetime a certain area exactly what you're i think saying that you failed in let's say friends you look at your childhood and you always got into fights bro you became a young teenager a mid teenager and again became a young adult you never could really hold friends and there's always issues and gossip and this and that you have a so you have a weakness in friend in making friends and keeping friends now you're 35 40 years old whatever what do you say do you say i'm weak in this area so you don't let me forget about trying to make friends because i failed once twice three times three strikes and you're out or do you say from on high my neshama is telling me that this area is what i need to correct while i'm alive and the arizon hakodesh the holy arizona says it's it's the latter what i just said this is a sign from on high that this is something that needs tikkun and only you can correct it and the fact that you failed once twice three times is not an excuse you're not out on the contrary you're nasham is saying hey i need you i need your help please help me and if you endeavor endeavor one day you'll succeed now now this doesn't mean to say that you shouldn't learn for your mistakes you have to learn from mistakes so if you look at the pattern of the past and you use it presently and you and you and you uh have guides limitations direction of how to use it because you're smarter and older so you won't make this mistakes of childhood and teenager and young adulthood you'll be a very very you'll accomplish you'll accomplish you know why because you'll know for in certain time to certain people to be quiet because when you when you recognize a difficult person it used to be in the past used to curse him out and and and fight with him and all that and now he just i spoke about ignoring sometimes you have to ignore in other words just you know go to do what you have to and you see this constantly and surely you need a shoe your shoe constantly you got hard people this this morning another another person from the from the nate's minions is not here the man has been here as far as i know 10 15 years what happened he got upset someone said something about the heat because in the same shabbat shalom 53rd and 13th it's in the basement the the basement floor so there's no the the regulated heat from the fence upstairs don't come downstairs somehow they have they put a new your heaters and air conditioners and it really makes it hot there because some people are so cold they have to have it and other people are not and it's a polygon i noticed people left and now this guy left so the guy by music metzger and if you know my uh johnny he he mummish uh he's like freaking out this this is the man that comes at five in the morning every day says it's still in the shanias he is the staple of dominion he's not here the last three days so moses is freaking out so he finds out from a guy who happens to be spartik you know and he tells him that he said something to him which obviously he didn't like and he checked out that's what he said and he says i'm sorry i didn't mean anything i just you know so what's my point my point is in yiddish there's an expression you've heard that expression difficult people the truth is we all have a difficult person in ourselves for one guy it's the air conditioner one guy's the heat from one guy's spitting eleno vanguard's the rabbi from there's the gaba fungi is not getting out of the air but one guy's given why you're giving him an aliyah and and and it goes on and on i don't have we have mr gabba right here he could tell us all about it 20 plus years of doing this thing right you're never gonna make everyone happy so sometimes what's the best answer advanced answer is to just let them be and and and so you learn from your past we i i thought about this you know all the years on schlitz there were two types of like ceos one was one that was able to manage other other slogan under him and you give a look at their pedigree by and large they have they they haven't fired too many people talking about 30 40 50 years and then there are others that every other day there's a fight and a firing and it's a polygon it's crystal clear one is good at delegating a delegating and one is a disaster delegating and to me you have to realize your strengths and your weaknesses and when you do then then you'll be better all around and that's my answer to you you and your wife's discussion you have to know what deficiencies eat but not to say because i failed in this area therefore i give up no because what i'm showing you from that result sharing with you is that that's a call from on high at the same time you have to be smart about it the reason it doesn't say uh you know embarrass people and hurt people because your soul is calling you that's not what that result is saying he's saying you find the ticket in this area and today for example friendship i can't tell you you know uh because of the you know the driving here and how disastrous it is i do everything pretty much from this little smartphone texting whatsapp communication every friday i have 10 15 people i said good shoppers you can you could be friends when it comes time you know for my books and support my friends they i reach out to them uh uh without meeting them because we have an ongoing friendship that's been developed so there's so many ways of keeping friends today that we didn't have years ago we had to meet people face to face so a smart person knows that sometimes and i've seen this also with very wealthy people you know philanthropists they rather just keep the distance and you know have a a a pleasant relationship with you in a distant way and they support you but they want they want it to be that way you have to be sensitive to that and not overdo it so i see a lot of good coming out from this breakdown kind of a face-to-face friendship and all that that we had 20 years ago 30 years ago that we don't have today because communication and and has taken over and all everything else so i think this is a very important idea i mean it's not an answer for you know giving someone alien ashool because he needs to be out of torah right and he needs to get the aliyah or open door and kaidish or etc but i recall your me and i skydish with the the windows the big windows you guys have there as i i you know i'm i'm hot most of the time so i used to sit next to the window and open the window a little because guys behind me and then did that and that was acceptable so i found a way to like sit next to the window and and have a little of the window open so i got some fresh air in you try this you try that the main thing is to know that you know areas that you displ have displayed weaknesses over years is not mean that you should forget them but rather embrace them and the same thing i say in marriage it's not that you can't live and love someone who has a deficiency on the contrary you show how strong you are that you can embrace even that of yaakov of mayor sheriff one of the breast liver monkey i think i told you this years ago 2030 i forget i was the mayor sharm shabazz and decided i'm walking into him three in the afternoon everyone's sleeping and you know the lubavitches is snooping around the mayor sharon so i asked someone where he lived they told me i go up this house and knock on the door and comes to the door never you know a a daughter or someone i didn't know someone i imagine that wasn't didn't seem 100 you know stable right and and later i found out that he at the time when he married his wife he knew that she wasn't 100 well but he made a commitment and he's been living and thank hashem i think he's probably 85 to 90 all his life even though he basically probably knew that he has a good chance of having some children that will be that way too i mean you could say that sadiq you might be assad for other reasons abandoning but you in humanity he was able and it's something admirable he was able to go into a relationship knowing full well that this is going to be a difficulty in different ways throughout his life but he felt that from on high he was given a call that this is his tickle and this is his nashamah she made the commitment now i'm not saying that we should you know that that that we're ready for this this is really an avoidance that's what makes a person like him special to me it's not how much he shuckles and not how much marani learns or teaches that's not the person can do that when they begin their life they're a special person because i know i don't i don't i wouldn't be able to do it and i know most people won't be able to do it okay so it's embracing the deficiency that's really uh special does it mean to say again you have to know there's no no one can force you this has to come from within and if within you can't like i said i couldn't do it yakov mayor did you don't do it because if you do it it'll be a disaster you're going through a depression and it'll be you've lost here and you've lost that you've lost everything so why go that way oh because you want to show your macho you want to show your rehearsal you want to show you're a special jew my friend there are many other ways to show that you're special and to do and you have to know your weaknesses what's that famous aryan just like it's a mitzvah to know your weaknesses it's even more of a mister to know your your strengths but let's reverse for a second you surely have to know your weaknesses emphasizing the novelty is that you should know your strengths mean to say but it's a given that you have to know your deficiencies have a great shabbos shabbos passion good shabbos we'll see everyone on monday shout out