Maamar Vata Titzave 1981 #11 - Did you really change for the good or is it a patch? RC Dalfin

Okay. >> So, we're learning the uh we're middle of chapter 10. It's um the last part is is very difficult and uh I I want to speak about it orally and and then maybe and then we'll see about go learning inside. But what it touches upon is a very important issue. Very important. And what's the issue? The issue is when we serve Hashem, that service, that motivation, is it coming from who we are or is it coming from something outside of who we are that we are that we follow? In other words, is it just behavior or is it essence? So you know how we say the person is not bad, their behavior is bad, right? That idea the same concept is what we're touching now. When you when something is good, what what part of you is is the good? Is it you or it's not you? It's something outside of you that you for whatever reason follow. And the difference >> how does how does how does the nephah play into this? >> Okay, give me a second. I'm I'm getting to that. The difference is exactly to what you just mentioned. If it's you, if it's who you are, that means and and and when we say when we say if it's who you are, we mean your mind and your heart, your and your mid are in sync. Not and not just are in sync, they are the driving force of facilitating your soul's wishes. so that someone could say and say, "Look, my commitment to Hashem, I I understand it and I feel it and and my and my understanding and my feelings support and and not only support and say it has to be this way to serve Hashem. It has to be this way to jump into the fire for God. It has to be this way to have faith and trust in Hashem. Then the nephis has nowhere to go because you've come to a place where YOUR NEPHIS IS SAYING that that's the point. Anything other than that MEANS THAT YOUR NEPH IS YOUR ANIMAL drive disagrees. And the only reason WHY IT COOPERATES IS BECAUSE IT'S BEEN PUT ON HOLD. IT'S BEEN OVERPOWERED. It's been sidelined. And as soon as it wakes up from its d from its situation, it'll come back to haunt you in a very bad way. I don't know if this is what I'm going to say now is a good example. Is you're the physician. You could tell tell me. Butlan there are illnesses and one in particular that I've heard about you know where it it the illness can be uh reduced subsided become dormant and then if it comes back it comes back with a vengeance maybe we could say that that's the same thing over here since Y mentioned as As long as your mind and your heart aren't in sync with Hashem, then the fact that you have midas nefesish, it was a moment. It's a momentary fleeting midn for years. Like the Reb said yesterday, like he taught us, you could, you know, in Russia, you were ready to give your life for Hashem, right? All of a sudden YOU COME TO A FREE COUNTRY, you want to chill out, you want to relax, you want to let me breathe. What does that tell you? That tells you that even while it you DID THE MIDNISH, IT wasn't you. It was something imposed on you. Whether it was the fear of being killed or your commitment to Hashem and and and believe me, that's a very special thing. That's a high level as well. It's not small change. But it's nevertheless not you. So what what we're getting at in this here in this discussion is this idea is my commitment to Hashem who I am. It's I other words I've BECOME SO ONE WITH it that like I said earlier in my I cannot I cannot rebel. Not I not that I could rebel but I choose not to. Impossible. Why is it impossible? Because if you're a human being that has a mind and heart and you've and you've come to a place where your nephis your mind and heart I'm calling y your nephis the way we think and you know what I'm saying the average way of of indulging and enjoying and benefiting and pleasuring and all of that where the mind and heart says I follow you Hashem but there are times I take a break I need some space. Now, this is a a very delicate issue because we do need space, right? There are people that come down so hard on self, they're very hard themselves that they feel guilty. Should you feel guilty? Here's the question. Should you feel guilty when you know you're not doing everything Hashem wants? Is that type of feeling bad, wrong, or good? And the answer is it depends. If that guilt comes from who you are, then it's not good guilt because that's not who you are. If the guilt comes from you, you know, you're not doing what you're supposed to and you could do better, then you're then you're then then that guilt is good. In other words, you need something to constantly get you to go. In other words, because you are not yet plugged in from a nephis perspective, from a a human um perspective with your heart or your mind, WHAT'S GOING TO GET YOU TO MOVE? What's going to get you to grow? So, you need to have an element that pushes you that well, there are different elements. One of them is called I don't know if the word guilt is the right word but one of them is the the constant uh demand that you do better right so you have a RV you have a mashp you have a you have a sadic you have a whatever right if you see their demands suggestions and you know and everything else as as um as a as you know I must do in other words I can't do it but they're there to to push me to help me that that's a good thing you every one of us wants to have someone something to help us grow and this is the discussion over here although the uses and some cabala to to to to talk about it so in in in we have the following two white words that we're discussing here. One is called and one's called seor means essence. Seir means condition and uh form let's that's the word the best word I think form and teaches that if the if the form is not is not permeated with the essence to the point where the form expresses essence and is essence then then you're you you you you good but you you're you need your natural has a place and that's what's happening that's what's happening in our lives in every every day every moment and and in the world how much of you is essence and does that essence include your form yes yes sir The way that you just framed it triggered in my mind the the phrase to kaboro. >> Yes. >> Say that in English. What's to kabaro parro? >> Your inside has to be like your outside. >> Exactly. That's it 100%. That's that would be the right talmutic expression to express the idea here. and and but but but to emphasize and understand this that when we say inside should be like the outside right in other words the the the the inside as it's expressed through THE MIND AND THE HEART NOT the inside as soul not the inside as nefes but to feel crushed to feel bad about something right for a moment let's not talk about feeling bad that weren't gulas, right? Cuz that's and that's the discussion here. But to really feel bad, you have to FEEL IT IN YOUR MIND AND HEART. IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND it and you don't feel it, then the the feeling THAT YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT SOMETHING, RIGHT? It bothers you. It's not touching you. It's touching um SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF YOU THAT FOR SOME reason touches you. you know, it's like uh, you know, uh, a sentimental feeling. >> It's it's a very high bar because, you know, to expose yourself to open yourself up to feeling that crushed by your own inadequacies. That's a that's a heavy trip. That's a really heavy trip. Okay, I can't disagree with you 100%. But but ultimately I mean our therapist is not here but ultim ultimately if you don't come to that point then in in a way as Y said the nephis will will come back not can't come back will come back and haunt you. So when you say it's a heavy trip, it is it is a heavy trip. But that that's why the more we we we're real with ourselves and we know ourselves and that means that we on one hand assess our weaknesses and at the same time we acknowledge that we acknowledge with our mind and our heart that this is who I am today. I want to become better. I want to do more. I want to not only in behavior but change the way I think about things. This is what we call in psychology the paradigm shift. I think that's exactly what we're talking about here is changing the paradigm and we all know that's the hardest thing you could talk to. I don't care if the person is you know sadic and a rabbi people to change and I'm not you know the qu question whether you really are changing but at least in other words are you really are you really do you really want to change or you say you want to CHANGE IT SOUNDS GOOD TO CHANGE I WANT TO CHANGE TODAY BUT NOT tomorrow that's a yes it's a high bar it's a very hard avoid but it's at the end if you don't include If the form does not get it, then there's always the chance. Now, I say there's always the chance, I should take back what I said before. It could be a person will live his lifetime and go into Ghana where he doesn't change the form, but because he's been overwhelmed and superimposed something greater that keeps him in check, it's possible, right? If you live if if you live in a in a community where you know everyone's doing something you don't want to and you don't want to be a pariah you don't want to be an outcast and you know it could be you you'll remain that way but in your heart of hearts in your own bedroom in your own room in your own house and in your mind you don't you don't agree so you have you have conflict in mind and it's very painful and I'm dealing with such a situation today with you know with with in counseling different things that people are living with with deep conflict in their mind. So we have to we have to tackle that and you know and that's an avoid and it's uncomfortable and guess what you don't always succeed but we know what's what's important is the progress and if if and ultimately the realizing Hashem loves us and Hashem wants our best and you know and I I always you know point you know you How the Reba, okay, the Reb was a sadic, but but on a human level, you know, he could have easily had much to complain about. Being born in 1902, passing on 1994, century of war, famine, illness, no children, family. it could easily g have given up. Not only did Eban not give up, he demands of everyone in the letters that he writes to the greatest and people who are activists, no there's no room for morbidity in Hebrew, the black hole, you know, >> an is a depression, right? is a form of depression, but it doesn't mean you have to that you reach any the low the lowest of the low and you're depressed. But even if you're like negative, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? NEGATIVE. Uh we always find, you know, and I I look around and I when when I see a person who who doesn't live that way, it's not that I'm jealous. I I I really it's it's unbelievable for me. It's unbelievable because it's so easy to see fault. It's so easy to see problems. Tell you a discussion just had a discussion with someone tells me about you know family kids get married. They come to a certain event and someone is not dressed sneez and proper he's very bothered by that. And I said to him, you know, I was bothered by that too for quite a while. But I I I I I thought about it and keep on thinking about it and and and knocking it into my head what the alterba says at the end of chapter 2 in Tanya that this that the soul of a of a person the shama of of of a person is their own. The parents have the and merit mishas intimacy to bring kadusha tara and different things blah blah blah but at the end of the day it's not you parent not us parents it's the kid that has a nama that's you know and and and I said if if we come to a understand that and b believe it and c see it then you're not going to have you're not going to see bed in in in YOUR KID WHO'S DOING CONTRARY TO what you want. It doesn't mean to say THAT YOU GET A FREE PASS AND YOU CAN COME INTO MY HOUSE AND SMOKE ON Shabas a little, you know, so let's work out a compromise. But they're smoking on Shabas is their issue, okay? Between them and Hashem, it's it that's it. And guess what? We're not HAPPY ABOUT IT. TOO BAD. HASHEM says I am happy about it. What mean I'm happy? I don't want THEM TO WALK. IT'S WRONG. It's against the but but they have to work that out in their mind and heart in their form. That's the point. So a kid can grow up in a house and the parents are from and the grandparents are from and and the community is from and all that, but it's all superimposed on them. They have to get deep down in the trenches and get themselves dirty and work out the issues. That's why one of the things that the lone soldier program you have in there is and all of that for so many kids it's a gazak I'm not talking about now you know zionistic and I'm not coming from I'm just talking about or American army THERE ARE KIDS THAT NEED A GOOD KICKING EXCUSE ME IN THE BUTT AND THEY NEED THAT TO WAKE UP AND BECOME A mench and then you talk see they come back and they come back they come back wrong. They're no lazy bums. THEY GET A JOB OR THEY GO TO school who I pay for them tuition. They're going to yeshiva. They're going to a girl school, go to seminary, go to yeshiva, blah blah blah. And then they like waste their time. So what I'm saying is that's the that's the form that the talks about in this mime here when he talks about. So now let's go to the point that he's making here and that is that the idea of crushed is deeper than you know why BECAUSE CRUSHED MEANS YOU ARE crushed you whoever you are like says body you're inside like you're OUTSIDE RIGHT YOUR INSIDE FEELS CRUSHED NOT my godliness feels crushed NOT MY KIPPER FEELS CRUSHED KIPPER TO FEEL CRUSHED. OF COURSE, when it's your kipper, you know, I want I want I want to see IF YOU FEEL CRUSHED IN WYOMING or uh at a rodeo. Base rodeo at a at a baseball game. Do you feel crushed? Hey, there's another baseball game or a football game or a soccer match or or another pleasure taking us right where it's all about beauty, nature, PLEASURE, BLAH BLAH BLAH, RIGHT? Do you say to yourself, but at the end of the day, this is ghost? Where's Msiah? Where am I in all this? Do I feel that way? And that's what he says. So, nephesh that the that Jews had in the oppressed countries like Russia and Europe, preholocaust, etc., on pre- Stalin during Stalin and all that during right that was a galda level but it's not necessarily the form and the proof is in the pudding what's the pudding when you come to the free society how do you live how do you live so this is why this chapter although it's really goes into intricacies and if you see the notes here that alo tala wrote they're very extensive ensive as I was reading them in preparation. It's like my murmur of the rebra that I learned, you know, years ago, but I I I I I tried now communicating it to you in a way that's understandable and is you know from from your own profession um to be to to become a physician you have to stay up nights and work very hard. So, you know, that's that's it. That's a go. >> That's goal. >> Reminds me of a saying that everybody wants to be overnight, but they also want to get a good sleep that night. >> Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Or or it's like there was a rash in the bir in in Brooklyn. I don't know if you heard his name, Rabbi Schmool Baronbound. He was a mere talmouth from Europe and he became the Russa. >> What guy? >> What' you say? >> Yeah. Yeah. He would he was he was the rasha when I was in Berlin. >> Yes. Yes, he was. >> Yeah. >> So he would always say is not someone that learns. It's someone that is the gor learning is learn exciting to learn. The question is whether you're going to really remember the learning or whether learn is going to come part of you. So like I told you once you see that video there's a video out there him and Rabbi Boxed another I guess and and they're come to a wedding and they're sitting at one table and they're tearing each other apart in a piece of gar it's it it's laughable on one hand but it's it's really powerful. It's really POWERFUL WHETHER YOU'RE AID OR A litak it that makes no difference two they're not interested in the food. They're sitting at a wedding. You would think they're waiting for the meal and you know or they want the dad. They're elsewhere. They have to be at the wedding. They you know it's simp they're there. It's their it's their student. But what's WHO ARE WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE are they really in in the Gmorra? So that's what we're talking about. That's the sear. That's the sear the form that the mind and heart and that's when you feel the that's when you can feel the crush. And that's what the Reb is getting at over here that when it says in the musl that only the cuss position the crush position reaches the illuminary. He says, "You know why?" And not and not the midnafish. He's making the distinction here. A very a very subtle nuance crush versus neph. He's saying nephesh as much as it is could be because the soul sees God. So it says, "THEREFORE, IF GOD'S IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU see him, I'm jumping into the fire." Crushed is no, I don't see God. I see myself. AND BY SEEING MYSELF, I KNOW THAT THIS IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO BECAUSE THIS IS WHO I AM A ye and therefore I I and therefore I'll do whatever. And so and and so in a situation like when you don't have to have snish because that period in a sense is finished although in Israel you have plenty of snish the sense the feeling that we're in gulus and and and it should bother us and I want to say the point is not TO BECOME MORBID AND DEPRESSED I'M ENGUL AND THEREFORE I I no THE POINT IS, WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT? What am I DOING ABOUT IT THAT I'M IN GOLUS? YOU HAVE ALL THESE KIDS IN BAMESH and and and and in Lakewood and here there teens that are, you know, what are we doing about it? Are we just complaining? O, HOW CAN WE HAVE THEM IN OUR COMMUNITY? THEY'RE VIOLATING SHABAS. THEY'RE HANGING OUT WITH GIRLS. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Do something about it. Put your mouth your money is do something about it. You know so the the nuda of crushed of CUSSIS IS NOT TO leave us with a morbidity. It's in other words kula is not here golus is prevalent. What how what are you going to do today to in your world and in your mind and in your house to uproot golus and that and that that's doable. That's doable. We're going to stop here, Mashem, and we'll continue the next chapter on um Monday. Mashem, have a great Shabas, everyone. >> Grabby, this great great stuff. I never learned this before. This is unbelievable. >> GOOD. GOOD. REVIEW IT AND share it. Zaz, take care.