Maamar v'Im Ruach HaMoishel #3 1924 - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin - Criteria for Constructive Criticism

thank everyone one page race you pressing the my man hey bro how my show huh fresh pay doll at ninety 24 from the previous rabbit one page two hundred and eighteen and we are about to begin the the previous rebus the previous rebus idea of constructive criticism and this is very important for every one of us because we face this daily so we're now on page 218 they should press its smack the middle of the page a little actually towards the bottom I hope in you know dominion hahaha it's 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 18 sorry 16 lines from the bottom I believe in middle of the line after the period aqua in yin who and the last question that that ever asked here was why was the haria Hanavi punished for giving muster scolding the jewish people for their for their evaders for the transgressions seemingly he did it in a private setting meaning you know he sent a prophecy and the word got out and that's it and we know there's a mitzvah it's a mitzvah they say after here's a Mesa that ever did say if the parentheses before that if you do it in public it's not acceptable and it's wrong it's not what the Mitzvah means but in private seemingly not only is it proper you're out you have an obligation to do so this was his question so here begins his thesis of Takako of criticism so let's learn how the words of the Rebbe themself in its in its it should flow easily a clean you know the idea is the he may in unit a a 50s SMSF uh well the trader says scold you old your friend Hawk Ivana he she adopted I'll leave her shame him the intent of the tailor's verse is of the mitzvah that you should speak to the heart of the listeners so right here you see that ever says that the midst of scolding means touch the person's heart so if you're giving scolding and you're not aiming to touch the person's heart you have no business scolding is that clear that's what it says hey sounds like okay good good good let me let me let's learn for and then what we'll talk a mole only bomb laugh when I laugh custom interests I left my muffin because it's wonderful what are you to say to your friend that you're scolding so he doesn't begin by saying you bothered me you angered me he says talk to the person about how were you able to desecrate one of the commandments of the king of all kings of God that can affix officially-licensed who commanded us not to do this so here were talking about scolding the Jew for doing something against Hakodesh bahu so the first point that you make that from your heart to the other person's heart is you know that this is a command from the commander melis mouthy I'm loved enough of this vertical how are you how you able to desecrate such a thing if it's the commander in chief himself who's who instructs us and let's go further hurry behead there or how are you say to him how were you able to hold it to prevent yourself I thought when mrs. are saying from doing one of the positive Commandments I should see the melis mouthy I'm blowing up a loose butthole I say sir that God commanded you to do so that's the first point write down one now goes number two Whoville aides have Takako and during the time of the of the muster of the scolding Yokohama here Viserys he says the scolder may yuck amis may sit sorry and must such as you may you must live ayat you must explain the Mishima thief to the one who you're scolding as her English represent the grip the magnitude of the punishment associated with the behavior yet you know this is important if the person you're scolding doesn't know the consequences you also have no business scolding because he's an enzyme is uninformed so you have to make sure that the person is informed of the consequences teleport Melanie explains this Phillip almond sometimes in a head that how you dare betray metal Union the lack of knowledge of the of the the weight of the Union ha ha oddvar Aveda lacking the knowledge the regarding the weight of this particular transgression you don't know how how bad of a senator's great him hi bill is there it causes much to this she ain't a sudden that one it we're not careful if you if we don't realize what the punishment is and the details associated that we make light of it like I always tell the story the story I always tell the experience when I was studying the writings of the Ariza and I came across what that reason says that if a person makes a brother there's a food ID in the front of you and you don't know what the brother is and you didn't take the time to ask your rabbi your rabo to learn the sofa Nora and you make light of it which the this is the way it is but most of us and yeah you just make a strike only a betrayer why sure Jaco isn't inclusive of everything right everything is made with your word so normally I know it's case they know it's fish they know it's this they know it's that I know the brother what if there's an item you don't know the brother makers are uncle but you didn't you weren't concerned enough to take the time to find out the I reason says that if you do that you're going to be reincarnated into water why why why because water you make a charcoal you need a tickle you who were callous in exploring what brother should be made on this food item and you flippantly said chuckles good for anything you will be reclined in water so someone else will come come along the maker cycle near but very i water and your soul part of your soul is in that water you'll have a tickle you'll have an elevation that's that much that's not my right against Theresa and when I learnt this I became much more serious I'm not I'm not I'm not perfect yet but you know I'll go the extra step now I won't hand you say look what kind of joy are you what kind of thing yeah you know you need to you need their results kind of warning to tell you that this is going to happen the answer is yes because we are who we are we're not perfect we have shortcomings we're all over the place the internet the phone the tablet of the iPod it's coming and going and it's 24/7 so when you let you read the Ariza and if you believe in the every cell and you know he's buried in swathes and you go to his mixer and it's right there in your backyard and when you learned this from the result it says I am you better slow down you don't want to be reincarnated in water you have already enough to deal with your reincarnation which isn't always pleasant right so the point I'm making is when this is to support the rebels words the fact that we don't know the weight of the avera of the transgression therefore we're not careful about it when I became aware yeah reason said I became much more careful about it so this is important when giving criticism and scolding someone even if your intent is for it to be constructive which that's the only time that you should be giving criticism is when your intent is for construction not for destruction nevertheless you have to share with the person who's being scolded the weight of this of the sin and transgression that he did or didn't do let's go further yes who is a very graphic is implemented on you this is you have your nefesh of the kiss akagi's soul where are you sweating it from doing the very edge like head of the king rather into the dumper trapped into the dump chapter 46 and Tanya correct the Lehane sort of homage yes right right but Tuvia Tuvia what we're saying here is in addition to words spoken from the heart you're right if the words are coming from your heart I always say this I'm supporting what you're saying then if the words are coming from the heart that you're not talking at the person you're talking with the person if you're really a person's friend you could talk about anything including issues that are you know that the person you know that is difficult you know transgressions but the person doesn't take it like oh you're trying to hurt me but you care for the person and and and so a learning is that when you care for the person make sooner to to include and and and verify that the person understands what he is doing if it doesn't understand what he's doing he cannot be blamed for it but rather you the scholar will be blamed because you didn't scold him properly so what we're learning is there are conditions and details in giving scolding so when the Torah says they say after fear cuz I'm sefa you shall scold a friend you have to you have to include these details as we continue learning let's go further by the first thing that you're giving criticism to has to be receptive first of all he's gonna talk about that soon but we're not not right now yoni were not concerned about the person who were giving it to we let's look at he's look right now he's looking like the person who's giving the scolding just hold your horses hold on let's go further he says hey sorry come here levan Allah husband well I say ma'am therefore the one giving the scolding demo here we call him to explain and to elaborate well how say me to the listeners to the people who are receiving it they do her famous represent the great magnitude and heaviness of this transgression although item and to arouse them I'll have diverse represent regarding this matter Shimada lehem he shows them he says he gathers in the parenthesis advice they you see they give this advice a he shows them Shamy Lagos who's on the committee you saw because of their coarseness and corporeality NASA but hammock leaders they have become apathetic cult me blinis foil without being impacted midoriyama Kazan from such a heavy think and he says in kiddush jonasson s art is a neat Hofstra Sola it doesn't bother them an iota god forbid why because they're so ms immersed in the Garcias that the gaseous is what's what what they think about the fact that you get a whiplash for the gas amis they don't care listen this is very simple we eat and we eat and we sleep sleep but we indulge indulge we know you didn't get sick right that's a fact you're gonna get sick but we do it anyway cuz right now it feels good that's what he say so the person is so immersed in the gosh me is that that even if you tell him what the consequences are the Garcias overrides it their their immersion for the for the fullest temporary gratification overrides the result so we cheat and some kill and some rob everyone in their own way and some do a little lesson Hara everyone in their own way cuz right now we can get away with it right if someone was telling me the other day that this that this fellow this fellow was corked and they put him in jail they said he says yeah I robbing a thief and fever and all that is who I am usually I don't get caught unfortunately I was caught this way that's what I'm talking about we're talking about a mindset that says that gaseous and homeless materiality and course listen and being immersed in it is my drive my goal and everything else is secondary so that's what he's talking about and therefore what happens NASA Bahama kiddos what does kiddos means the person becomes cold apathetic I don't care I don't care just give me the high now I gotta get that shot of cocaine I gotta get that high of alcohol now what's gonna be tomorrow I don't care apathy I gotta get that piece of heading now I catch some salt and it's not good for your foot for your for your health or whatever don't make a difference alright maybe it has a wine base and you don't know if the wine base is kosher or not then you have to check I don't care that the show put it out I don't have to verify I trust the show so everyone in their own way suffers from this issue let's go further they really spoiled meat other fight because there and he becomes so apathetic that he's not impacted from this from the weight of this transgression as I'd say new classes show him it doesn't bother them the sad permits I got kiddos my clearance permits and economies he says why doesn't it bother them because of apathy and apathy itself comes because of immersion in in in courting - means to the point of courses intend and and corporeality like I told you before they said negotiate married when one becomes soma Gousha the root word of Mukesh amazgasm - means when some becomes you know got resized no such word English but gosh me Saudis who patiently enough heard me my gosh me him and he's invested omeka sorry from the word Kessler Tuvia he's bound he's tied all of a sudden can't untie himself lingering about homeland I got spent in physical pleasures in the margins great though I hate he doesn't feel the great transgression here the yo-yo said it more so much terrain in the gallery and and it's definitely not relevant to him that has nothing to do with me he says Nitish does the lamp in it it doesn't impact it does a year this work that meant that is not means impact it doesn't impact it I should say who could Bahama mamas now that ever in the parentheses says when he's in this mode the person who describing who could behave my mama she's like an actual animal should : your new less of leashless the entire purpose the animal is to drink to eat and drink eat and drink drink and eat for say who they thought the Haman it despoil from logic and intellect an animal is not impacted imagine take your cat and take your dog and philosophize to it and and telling you what you learned and closed in the morning the dog will bark more and the cat will stink more it won't do much more than that because you're talking to a wall it don't relate and doesn't understand logic safely so you the person who the person who is engrossed and immersed and gosh meais is like an animal and talking logic to the person at that time is a waste of time you're not communicating let's go further come I caves would advise a govern knowing the goodness so too if an animal sees something beautiful or something disgusting vente bahama asked me to spoil could you imagine an animal seeing another animal tearing up of animal or a terrible love scene on the street the cat continues its way the squirrel continues and the mouse continues to hide no difference but wait a minute it's 20 degrees in the house cuz the heat doesn't go like in my house the heat goes up up and then the first floor it's colder it's cold now if you imagine if I had a mouse there the mouse would still be running around but it's cold don't care it does it doesn't talk to the mouse the bath knows one finger got to go under the oven or it has to go wherever in the hole and come out and make you nuts because you are your wife or your kids are scared of mice let's go further so therefore now and something nor something pretty which we don't have to discuss the mouse is in the cat's in the street the dog and a pretty person walks by and the normal person you know old maybe might turn their head or if they're from they'll turn their head away if they're not so from and they can't control themselves they look at the the pretty scene right but a mouse and a cat it makes no difference if it sees something some food it's going after the food you can have ten pretty people around it it'd make no difference so what do we see we see that something beautiful or something disgusting McCullum is disgusting has no impact on animal behavior there the spoil top of ratio tests to 19th an animal was impacted known from a kilo stealer only from eating and drinking seho is Machias to a Bahama sicko logic is not applicable to an animal my cane is a toy and so to this person who is immersed and engrossed in eating and drinking and gosh he is so - is this person behaving that way I say home empty in it the hulu that logic doesn't impact them so go tell a person like I told you before this is unhealthy for you this is contributing to a heart attack to a stroke god forbid - whatever else in that particular area it doesn't talk to the person because the person is caught in the web of eating and drinking in the example given and all other types of Garfias and cumbias that one is immersed in says that ever the year but with Dabra itaewon on the second line you said so the scolder giving the Mooser should increase speaking to the person bizarre about the magnitude of the sin - a you feel olive until he will impact him he'll not sense something to say you're hurting yourself you're ruining your life stop um num however third line or a kid who the primary thing is I should be a higher during the time when he gives the Mooser the exploding tijuana slave ham okiya the heart of the scolder this is point number three guys write it down three the heart of the scolder should be behalf nah have no means modest humble televised a staggered the God will have their heaters be up in a day in addition to the fact that the leader of the generation is blamed for the sins of the generation the cash aroma Thea Kazuo see and when when a great person or someone who's great in a particular area scold someone else who's transgressed how do you goggle mean Meno he's greater than him okay and as we mentioned in the parentheses of canal as we mentioned earlier finish yes building in place someone who has the opportunity to disclose and the greater you are the more you realize the situation therefore you have to do the take off for the scolding had a guy moon it was bumping after he is caught in the sin of the generation maja kvarner being atresia what does it mean Theresa that we've been using the word lol me trust me trust comes in the world toughest to grasp to grab so that ever says my intent the intent of the word Theresa he the gum boy yes in Yin Zi that he the the leader the great one has this issue that he finds in the other somehow in himself as well and he says he has an impetus or the darkest tentacles he has in a very refined way or even in a or in a very refined refined way in other words and I'll tell you soon a story about that either I'll cope on the matter yes had a yes babies air the the person who the leader the Gunkel Haggard he also has this in a certain way within himself really yes a good Ireland since he's a great person how do you dare say meeting is that he knows how bad this type of a transgression is God commissioned but doctors are back of the ductless he knows that this issue isn't just bad in its course form but even in its refined form it's very unhealthy and he says old Mahler had a Hadiya zu having this knowledge what now get what is the knowledge we're talking about Ari the knowledge that he knows I have this in myself okay so we're talking about this person giving massage Golding has to have we said before he has to have what's the word haha humility why you got it yourself you don't have it in a course form so you have enough for fine fine so who are you to talk and if you're talking and giving masseur be humble you know it's so easy to talk the talk and walk the walk right but to really talk with an advocate with a refinement when you know that you suffer from the same issue but not in a coarse way in a refined way it should humble you that when you share the scolding it's done in a very proper way and he says whom are some late saint unions have been actually the back of the ductless knowing the fact that you have this within yourself in a way in a very refined way great him lastly Truvada Dayla so it causes the scholar to the great jouvert me incur the leap of the depth of his hearts both know you've got but not not see any cries with bitter tears for having this within himself okay her demoscene oba comic a daily hot day and we find this by many great people leaders of the generation shall hurl you bits are google they were in great pain over I avoid that the day love the Truvia and they were doing great truven BC goof and the carnation fasting and punishing themselves in various ways of today men being innovators in the ways of serving God Shana Murphy had come normally they would not do this but they did do it why big opinions everybody say don't say I could cloud well in the river says why isn't this yogi why isn't this method of fasting and and kind of torture yourself not their usual evaldo he says the holding yummy I see goofy all ideas of kind of tortured yourself and hurting yourself and punishing yourself or we call in English self deprecation and shall commence a TK move I lay my bodega kanuda it's not applicable to real Saudi Kingdom people who are really on a high level out the door with negativity in the door with positivity nevertheless nevertheless in this situation when you're going to give criticism to someone else you better check yourself out and you Ben you'll realize that in the way only when you find somehow in yourself the issue that's on hand that you're scolding the other about and then you say what kind of how could that be in a bothers you you cry about it and it impacts you then when you give them Mooser when you give the scolding it comes out with honey it's not anger that's the problem most times the emotion that we give to others is full of anger which means full of yes full of eye and ego and that is not healthy acceptable Torah Mooser that's not and I don't care how long the period is and how much Smith you have and how much Gomorrah you know and how much I see does you know it makes no difference before you give Mooser you better check yourself out do I have this issue and guess what somehow we do because in order to relate to the other person you have to find it in yourself but time I govern who sekolah the dozens I said I prefer a open up doing what's the reason why these tsadikim these kadai lee have there have you know engaged unison in C goofin incarnation in fasting and in such methods it's not for themselves it's because the generation has these issues so they have to find it within themselves for themselves they wouldn't use this approach and he says further and he says further the goggle I do it howdy need faster than a day and if they have it then you the Weiner is blamed as well - shemites ibly optimally manias at the dark of the darkest you find you for yourself this issue in a very fine way or can I say how you do it and as the snow story Valona tell you the moment what I think this means for love-- Hamer your ice cream by the way the solution therefore the tsadikim were involved in fasting and in court pressuring themselves midnight eight-day them because of the sin of their generation so I want to tell you I'll tell you two stories one is more practical I heard from someone here who grew up in mayor Sharon he's a grandson of the Slender morever right there's a slender my revered right there and made sure and gula you might have been by him so their family though I think the Weinberg's is there a family name they lived there for a long time so the person told me himself what happened what happened is he once he once got up late for Christmas for whatever reason and he was a very studious boy and he got up late talking about winning when he was a boy or a young teenager a buffer and and nothing his father didn't you know it and the next day he noticed his father was fasting so no yeah you know so yeah asked his father why are you fasting today that something happened in the community that we need to fast the father said no everything is good and rosy and mayor Sharon they're throwing the rocks nicely and putting up the big signs dress this everything is normal it's a normal day in May sorry so why are you fasting dad why are you fasting because yesterday you missed Krishna in the morning I'm fasting for your sin the person it bothered it the father it bothered him so much that he didn't look at it that it's my son sin and again maybe the boy was under but mister I don't know but that's not the point it bothered him how could it be that his son had such an issue and I heard the story from the from the person himself it is a very serious fine person and a comic aukerman it made a big impact as a parent you know also we have for example the river you know the day of the husana the fussin and kala fast so the rebel rights and swafford such as from the river that parents if they're able to sit fast as well most parents don't do it because the cost of the caller don't enjoy fasting but and there's so much going on but there's a point it wasn't here the point why my fasting because it's like I the father and the mother will be standing under the hood for tonight I will marry the course remarried but this is our son thus our daughter it's not if you this there's a word in them it's not Yemen's Costner it's not the other person's customer says mine Costner I'm going down to the hope of the night but I'm married already but sure it's your son it's your daughter it's you who is your son and your daughter you you made them they have your genes they have your DNA they have they have the the summon that was created you were involved with that's one story now the story here smoke come I say how you do a four years the Bible should see them it's not this is brought not only here but in a few other my Marlon with the wrapper there are bayon don't say what the story is because of their refinement but when the receivers the notes of the river were found wrote notes and like a diary of what he saw by his father-in-law from 1929 and on when he became a son-in-law to the previous celebrity our author here of the minor the previous level and these and today they printed it after their ever passed away they found in his drawer a whole notebook and it's called the receivers receive my like Irasema receive mice that are sinless so in the receivers they printed it and a lot of it destroy a lot of Taylor insights and there's a part of it that's you money Diaries of what he kept and it's very interesting because every it seems like every living thing that he heard from his father-in-law he wrote down and he writes down I heard it this way when I didn't hear clear it's very interesting to study those receivers to see how careful he was to to listen and to hear and to record what his father told him so and one of those achievements he says I believe what the Messiah doing is and that might say you do is a story with the Mickler ever someone came into the mental reverie of dovabear ii the bible should ever and asked for a tickle for a correction for a certain bear transgression I think the transgression they say was like what's the word in English when someone has relations would have death with a dead body or something or on for an animal right it will say it was a very yeah you you met you imagine 200 years ago a Jew comes in to its Adak and tells him rather I committed this transgression I mean and I need a tickle I mean like I can't imagine it but that's that's what they say if that's why it's not recorded it's very not you know it's not nice but that's what they say the myth Loretta started to sweat and sweat how do we know cos when he came out of the room I see them sword that it was full of sweat and told over that someone came in and asked me for a chicken and I couldn't find any of that sin in myself so how can I offer him a pickle until I realized on my desk they were coins and the new Russian coins you know just like in other coins there are pictures engraved and one of them was I think of one of the you know czars or the women that Cathy one of those czar a woman Catherine I don't remember which one and I realized it's on my desk and I said to myself that is for me the issue that that I can identify with to understand this person's transgression the river had no desire for a woman because of the coin but nevertheless he said the fact that that coin was on the side in front of me was a message to me that I have to look deeper within myself and I have to somehow change that that is I believe the story and you know it's it's not something to publicize nevertheless since it was publicized in their achievements I share it with you and it brings out the point that in order to give criticism properly to someone else look the one giving the criticism the Mafia has to look deep within himself and is there an iota of the issue over here relevant now if you're gonna ask me what's the connection between the picture of the coin of the female and the particular transgression a I'm not sure that was the transgression I think that's what it was it's the overall issue of an illicit relationship the illicit relationships guys will continue tomorrow this is very very exciting Zionism have a look everyone