Maamar Korov #5 - Self Love root of all problems - Reconciling Self Esteem & Self Love

we're on page 212 in the actual like last line of the page uh basically in this paragraph the mimer that we're learning is kikari vashram the whole creative yes what no it's me um on the bottom of 211 if we're having or uh no no no 212 212. well i must admit it's thursday um i think i did it yeah 212. so um the my mirror is that he said in the 1920s and in the mimer he talks about the idea he's he's looking to explore the idea of what does it mean to call hashem in general more particularly what does it mean to call hashem a truth and from there he he ex he went he explored this whole idea of gollus mitsrayam and yetis betraying he's actually still in middle of talking about it and this chapter is really going to give us a lot of schmaltz and herring uh salt and pepper to really digest it to very well just that only as the frida kadetta can do in his uh beautiful words so in this particular chapter that we're on on page 212 he had quoted the what the tanya brings the altar ever brings on the shamas and the assisi which by the way hillary i did look it up shabbos shaheen that's the alta rebbe's words that's not from the shot of kadusa of the uh of right and and shot at kadusa by the way is a safer and independent safer you asked me you asked me that question too so shot at kadusha uh is and also in the see this move eris in the tanya mova eres it gives you the particular reference to where inside of kadusha it's found if you care to look it up or see in other words the altar but only quote shadow kadusa we're in shahrukh khadusha so in see this movers they bring you the references you just know that um but um so he quotes the possibility and by the way just one more thing you um the the proof that um assisi that it's plural is because the first part that's part of a posik in yeshaya the first part of the posik is is is said in yogit in singular term so and then we have it it's it then it says on the shomois it should have said the shama because the first part of the pasta isn't singular so that's proof that's the altar understands from that that it's that that we're talking about two not one okay i didn't i didn't say that last time so i'm just adding that now and it's in the it's in the explanation in the tanya mo vegeta's pedic base uh a painted garlic anyway so he says here that the difference between a human and an animal is a human is dominated primarily by their seiko their intelligence and an animal is dominated by its meters its emotions and the fact that an animal has somebody's that ever says it's just to justify i'm sorry the fact that an animal has seiko an amount of cycle it's to justify its its desires so the seiko by an animal is subordinate is to fail to the icar which is middles and by a human being are just the opposite so let's continue now the bottom of 212 the last five words and although the animal also has some seijo gum cane as well we're on top of 213. iniko who lives cocky what is the content of the animals seijo it is to clever itself it's to how to how can i get all my desires and it comes up with clever deceptive ideas lahar bishoin to increase my fortune for oyster and wealth covered my honor oh my greatness how do you like that four different things uh fortune wealth honor and greatness pretty good and the circle of the uh and the sequel is used to justify oneself the whole mini stacked dukes with all kinds of justifications bishfiel the fire myself in order to beautify your actions so in other words i do a mice behavior i do an animal act and i know i'm not an animal i walk on two not on four ave right so if i'm not an animal how could i have done an animal act so i use my cycle to explain to myself and justify what i did um and to transform biscuits that's my self-righteous i'm right i'm always right to rationalize exactly it's almost natural or is natural for the human lachasdek to rationalize grain even when he knows it's not true he's bluffing he's lying because he has such self-love therefore might says who salax murray he he justifies whatever he does listen to this the proof is when a friend of his does something that's no good how do you know like dave he says what you did is so wrong and this very thing that is criticizing his friend if when he if he would have done it who might see kamas hussein he finds justification why for him it's all right behind you the lawyer training ms not only does he not agree and acknowledge that what he did is wrong that he sinned and transgressed by doing something no good he doesn't do that more so he lies to himself lamer saying kid said it my sail what i did is righteous victories also and good i did good oh yeah call upon him even if he doesn't say that at least what he says is mercies he says you know i really know that what i did was not right but b-u-t those famous three letters but but but but but but [Music] but there's a reason why you did it there's a reason why i did it so i know that you shouldn't do it but there's a reason but when of course friend he doesn't see a reason he always oh you did something wrong but for yourself is blaming self-love as the reason for this mistake this uh this error this this guilt this fault a person loves himself now we know guys we know that a person is a versatile right it's natural to be able to say that to me it's right but then there's a point where a cycle has to kick in and say i gotta step back and try to be more objective and if i can't be discussing with a spouse with a rabbi with a friend etc a counselor in other words introduce someone out from the outside to your own self so that you're not oh and of course you're probably wondering well when we're in that mode of voyaging we don't see we don't see anything outside of assassinate right we don't see anything outside of assassination so how can i introduce it that you're right you're right when a person is very much totally abs uh absorbed by self-love by the by the ego by by by only seeing himself as the center of the universe is very hard to break out and you know what you need then you need a good cover you need a good friend and a good friend if they're really a good friend wait one second yaakov when they if they're really a good friend they will tell you the way it is because they really love you they really care for you so ever says it literally you have to sometimes buy yourself a friend buy yourself someone who will be honest enough to to to open your eyes to another reality yes yaakov the opposite can be true as well ripsaw tells us that after you have have worked on inculcating uh shaman and luna satyra then you have to work on believing in yourself so obviously self-doubt also is a that we're not not all such a balay guy that to think we're so flawless that we can also exist with self-doubt that that's that's a machine itself of questioning oneself to some extent what is there anything i do that is right right so yes and it has to be the piece if it's like that it's is telling us that that believe in yourself is a is an important view as well there's there's a a a saying in of the the put out in the 40s just as it's a khasarin a deficiency not to recognize your deficiencies it's a greater i think the word is greater it's a greater hussara and a greater weakness if you don't recognize your strengths so i'm seconding what you're saying i think i believe but but but maybe it's because the way i was raised you know and the way i was taught i i i my feeling my gut feeling is that that that we we we um we don't suffer as much from the self-doubt as we suffer from the self too much self would you would you agree with that uh assessment or does it depend on the culture you were raised in uh what what i can tell you personally that if i had more of a problem in too much of me instead of less i i'm that that that'd be a much different would see us than what i experienced okay and hillary what were you saying well it seems to me that in a lot of the talks he's addressing kind of a time in an era where people are are more defended like they're more self-justifying their their uh maybe their reasons for not being religious or for leaving leaving the faith whatever it is but i think that self-doubt that in our time it's more of a challenge uh for the people i see to to believe in ourselves and to have sort of confidence and not to feel that we're somehow inferior enough to feel that we're somehow impostors but those are a kind of deeper struggle very interesting to say that see i was raised in a european uh you know a post holocaust home and and you know you know the the the the word you know was like you're the best and you got to get the best marks and you you know that that was the so there was a lot of um you know so um self-esteem was you know in other words it was uh very very strong that we i just suffer from the self-esteem you know um so i don't know again maybe i'm generalizing the european post holocaust but that's well i think you know i think that just to for a family that that was religious that was that became religion that was religious and wanted to retain their children that that would be you know that you would kind of want to insulate them with that kind of message and give them strength and so on i was uh i was raised in a family that was was secular and uh and so we were sort of minorities a minority in a majority culture where we were already somewhat outsiders and we were estranged from uh from from a sense that we belonged as part of israel yeah yeah yeah but you know you make a good point that the river you know these my more uh many was said many of them in in you know well almost all of them whether it's the 20s the 30s or even the 40s in america you know um but um you don't find i'll say this wayakov in habakkuk you don't find in even in these i voted my murray right there hashem my muram that you find a lot of in the frida krebs writings in his writings you don't find him speaking much about uh the self-doubt you don't find much this this as we see is is is prevalent you know so that's um i've done that i've gotten that what i've gotten that message yeah yeah yeah no he he he and i'll tell you i understand what it's true [Music] is good you know if it hurts a little as long as not too much hurt it's all right we need a little you know we need nine days never today we should help but uh i was thinking about it here we are again the nine days again the besan mik dash and then the morning and all that you know until mashiach comes once a year you need to get off your high horse it's you know uh it's it's a balance look every every wedding we break a glass i love this now you're not allowed to patch kids during the night and you know and you know what i i'm in my book on the professors and the rebel coming out later this year someone sent me uh his father's a professor of mathematics and he had a yahidis with the rebber in sixth in the sixties and he asked the rebber how should he discipline his children i don't know if he probably was struggling i don't know and the rabbit told them that uh to take away a privilege is a proper method of discipline but corporal punished corporal punishment should not be done at all laboratories 1960s a european jew from russia no corporal punishment okay so whoever says no i'm very serious whoever says that the way they disciplined in europe and even spill and continued here in america in the 40s and 50s with the patching and all that and all that stuff is a yiddish it's not it's not it's not it was it was a bad habit that was picked up and used the pussycam in michelle english which lemon milk says if you withhold the rod you know you're really hurting you're hurting your son your daughter and all that but not punishment and and you put the two together and you made a philosophy out of it and because you were a nervous wreck you didn't belong in in the classroom you went you patched okay and my father told me he was in lud in the in the 50s in the yeshiva 13 40 years old and he was a wild boy with the other wild boys just coming you know from europe and surviving and then they were you know boys and he had a ready that mamas would beat him like he said it was almost like he died he beat him and that was the norm and he when he came home and he told his parents he got a patch for telling them it's like it's uh yeah that's what happened to me yeah okay you know we could laugh about it now but it's very sad it's it's really a a terrible way of and look but i'm saying what i'm saying is that who was born in 1902 came from a culture european culture russia and all that okay you're saying intellectual you know but nevertheless tells this american uh phd professor a university professor that you know corporal punishment should not be done and i'm convinced that the devil would have said the same thing in berlin 1928 and in in yak trinislav 1918 i'm convinced he would have said the same thing because yes it seems to me that the rationalizations that people do for that kind of a thing that's very much what the rev is talking about you get self-righteous about it i have a right to do it that's right whenever people commit violence they then they uh they often go into this state of mind where they're self-righteous and they're self-justifying but what i'm saying is that an entire like culture was created for so many years that that's them it's like amazing you know you talk about an individual self but that a culture kind of all followed like sheep and and this is the way it that that's a phenomenon that's it that's very interesting like you know where did it start and why i mean i don't know if anyone has written a you know phd on where did you start how did it start you know you know and give me the origins give me the philosophies give me the background you know uh in france in in in poland in russia uh what about the sparta what about in the north african countries did they use uh you know corporal punishment for discipline you know so but are there any are there any references to it in the shots i don't remember any well the deposit the in the shots i don't remember but not really but the the possibilities is michelin says whatever when you you hold back the rod you're you're punishing your child so the implica that possible is always used as the justification for hitting you know um and listen hashem that i probably i think today is pretty much not done anymore because you'll be arrested you know you know fear it's just not today today people just beat their wives yeah if they beat their wives they should be in trouble no one should beat anybody anyway okay let's continue he says yesterday yeah he touched that puzzle that the iran doesn't necessarily have to be a literal route it could be a point of motivation as well that was his sister well that was that that that was rabbi vo walter schwein of obese word yeah thank you for sharing that okay let's continue so that ever says the proof that he's self-justifying himself is because for someone else he'll right away be quick to criticize him oh you did something very bad something wrong but for himself the same act the same thing will say but i have a reason let's continue um well so he's the middle upper page 213. self-love covers up all of his trans aggressions and iniquities so it's true for all of them everyone over more so on the iranian we see bibalia now that ever has finished kind of talking about maybe the day torah now it goes to the business people ha margiela massasman they train themselves they accustom themselves but tightness or minus with all kinds of arguments and and just and and justifications means a business and business why did i rip this guy off because so and so why did i you know make a uh say it's worth this it's not worth it because so and so that's what he's referring to amongst himself among amongst themselves and and these people amongst themselves they're they're clean but taina shall have a layman what do they say was almond tongue that's like a yiddish expression with a speaking world it was it probably still is for someone that i cheated a little bit on the taxes and this and that after we need to make a living just come over here to brooklyn you'll you'll hear more of this in the steve yeah oh yeah it's like education you know they had like uh you know like different kinds of education so that's like the street education yeah that's the street education right meaning all these several believe in god ask him who gives bananas to god almighty he gives a person their livelihood nevertheless they have a saxophone because of the self-love harry miss nagin my dear friends this is coming from the nepheshabami's or call it the yates or but we're talking about the neffers the drive that's where it's coming from you know it's so important to know where it's coming from if a person knows that it's not coming from good place even though they're acting still in that inappropriate way there's hope for recovery but if you don't know you're sick there's no you can't recover because you think you're healthy so that ever says here basically you know realize that this is not coming from the deficit really kissed this is it coming from the nephew babies says that this is what we mean that a person is in exile in the egyptian exile spiritually see here puts them together the nephew bombings in the years they surround and encompass as necessarily keys the godly soul shame that the godless mitzrayim and just as in literal exile of mitzrayim there was no per there was no rationalization a reason to to torture us to make us put up those pyramids and things and in the way they did it it could have been done moisture much quicker much better with their own people instead they took the yid the the weak the weekly who was weak and they made them count the bricks and put the mortar a certain way all of that was to destroy the spirit rahman islam and just like the nazism that they did certain things and like i told you the other day that mengele wants to take rabbi mangel and use him as an experiment he doesn't need him but that was a way of breaking breaking the jewish people and mongol says you're not gonna do it to me that you do to an animal if anyone if if anything you do it to an animal not to me anyway so that ever says here just as gollus mitzrayim the the what was listen to this because you you should think about it what was the main idea of godless messiah where were the egyptians coming from bishop to paint us to torture us and yeah there's an expression so that again the year did anyone ever hear that expression that again the urine means years that gain means to pass the years but it means something else it means to make you miserable to gain the yoda means to make you miserable that's vicious that's evil you want to slap me you want to beat me you want to do it and go on but to stretch it out and to and and to make you um you know dwell in the misery that's real real evil and whatever says that's what the egyptians wanted and did i know the whole cave of the israel the entire intent of the midstream of the egyptians who made us work who befedoch it says no toyota with perak right because like cement and clay and bricks and all of that but it means hard back breaking work hard back breaking work doesn't only mean literally carrying the bricks and the stones and you get broken from it it means spiritually breaking you inside the cavanaugh their cavone was to break their goof in the literal sense the [Music] it's so that you are now in the mode of bad of evil the yata wants you to be full of evil in other words not just the practical he wants you to be mr evil how do i get you to be mr evil do bad things in hashem's eyes then you're a bad guy bad guy meaning a sense of spirituality so the ancillary enjoys schlepping you into this must get it this category the yates and herder what's the yate sahara if we talk talk about it in the spiritual sense a bad angel the whole covenant what's the purpose you're innocent of the of the yates it's it's to make the human the adam be to do bad and to be in the misgetters of bed yes that's what that handicap is normally um uh a normal angel has a yate sahara is that what you said you need to holla yeah okay so when when when when michelle comes to take the eight to her how to be at the hall and then he'll be a normal a normal good angel i hope so i want to know uh we'll continue tomorrow but i the mimer but i want to read that beyond him for a few minutes maybe uh because it's a good thing so and explain a little bit how you're enjoying wrote the hayoim yohim citing his father-in-law so when it says from the talks of my father it means raphsholm bear the rashab the three the fifth of baby okay knows that is writing it as though he's talking in his father-in-law's name and he is he's citing from his father-in-law it's only then that we will yearn not the goalless tag for the days of ghosts it's very powerful you know here we are we want an end to this ghost right motion right you know the famous chabad negan it's a possibility [Music] so there's a tight from the balchemtrev david melech was a midbrain yehuda right there right where you guys are not far away made by yehuda today in hills judea mountains yep and he's looking at yerushalayim and he's saying this is saying we have avi tell us if this is correct but the the that he's looking and and saying i want to be irritated right now i'm still in the hills they're gorgeous they're mountains but i'm not yet neru shalom so no water bulimia then he says so in holiness i shall see you which means that in yet hashem i will get to yerushalayim build base amigdas and over there we'll i'll see you in holiness is the holy bashan he interpreted this means halloween how do you translate alive i wish right i wish what i wish that i'll have the same yearning for you god when mashiach comes and i have a base of mikdash as i had during the time of ghosts what's the expression favre near the ocean it's dry the edge in yiddish lavender yam is truckin right you have the base of meat you have giula you have mashiach and something's missing but in ghosts when you don't have it you yearn for it you you you really want it well this is pr i believe what that ever means over here that when when meshiach will come vekman asked he used the word asked banking we will just begin to yearn for those goalless days because we remember how during those goalless days we utilized it in such a way that we were yearning for mashiach and learning about mashiach and talking about mashiach and everything else and now that he came it's all good and i have it's it's all gevaltic you know it's a similar to you know eric's role you know you're you're you're you're in you wish you would be nice to snow when you're not just rolling after a while everything is normal you live in bed sherman a half speak english more than half and said you know what like i told you asks someone he says i got the best of bro what do i need tina new jersey i got patreon in new jersey you get complacent it you know that's the verb never get complacent until meshiach comes you know remember that you're still in golus and even after machia comes that passion should still carry on let me just finish then he says that ever interprets it now in spiritual in one's spiritual avoider when the sheikh will come means it will bother us why didn't we work on ourselves their head in them grace will come we will first realize the how how uh kind of guilty we were for not working hard enough it's that in the email goal is now is that you may have laid there to to make now he says our job is to prepare ourselves for mashiach that's our job now during the time of mashiach we will realize i i missed an opportunity so what's the message of that young muhim i believe the message is you need both not that i'm only going to you know prepare ourselves now for me not invest and avoid this hashem you know what i'm saying no he's saying that later on it's kind of going to be too late in other words complacency if i had to say this way complacency is a natural tendency it happens like naturally it right so then you wake up you say way i don't have that passion i don't have that drive so that ever saying so think about it now and while you're in goals and utilize it for the good which will also be a preparation for mashiach that's just my own thinking on the higher inventory yeah kevin have a everyone bye-bye