Maamar Choviv #4- Relationship bet mind & heart - Spiritualizing your Intimacy - Names for Human

do you guys have the page i'm using a different text book what what page 275. okay 275 what ice gimbal okay so we're learning here about the idea of names oh wait i'm sorry perhaps we did not finish fit if anything else remembers i have a mark in my safer by hyenas [Applause] were you at the last year or you missed once here no i was there but it was i was i was there thursday a thursday yep yeah yeah so this is still an ice bays and where do you have and where do you have it oh so what what what's the beginning that's kind of in the middle of a thought the heinous so therefore the question that he asked was if both intellect is if intellect and emotions are associated with each other and they need each other his question is in kane mao i have though what's the difference between shame or dumb shame ish in other words like this let me now go back we're talking about the four names given to a human being adam ish in tanakh you'll find a those four names hasidis explains that adam is the highest referring to the intellect ish is the second referring to the middles uh refers to uh behavior and uh andos refor refers to someone who's barely a human being that's his only virtues that his human being and nothing else but the rapper's question is if as explained until now the the the logical sequence from the mind to the heart which we call ille cause and effect is required to have healthy emotions that's why sometimes a person displays emotions and they're very unhealthy anger ego whatever um wild ideas you know because they're not thought out well they're missing the sacral element so you can be on fire and very passionate but has nothing to do with rationale like manus freedom always likes to say the hus yesterday was mother's day in america my husband comes home says my dear i brought you this wonderful gift it's mother's day even though my my son says it's not it doesn't say wise day it says mother's day here's this gift because you're the mother of our our children gevaldik she says my dear husband i love you so much except i don't like this gift this is not i don't know you're not giving me a gift you're giving yourself a gift you decide with your logic that this is the type of gift that i should have well guess what you're not talking to me you're talking to yourself so you you're not you're not gifting me something you're gifting yourself what why am i using this as an as an example when we talk about segregates there has to be a relationship healthy cycle and healthy meat is there's a yahas the word in hebrews there's a relationship an association between the seijo and the middles and if your seiko goes off on a tangent because you decide that your wife needs to have this beautiful pair of shoes and she doesn't care for shoes she cares for a nice blouse there's no connection between the two and so too and so too the vice versa beginning with middles where a person is all inflamed with a certain particular feeling and the husband is uh and and and and the person who is the recipient says uh it doesn't make any sense and we have this very much in relationships and this has been studied by psychologists i don't have to tell you you all are well read and educated where many times the wife the woman doesn't feel loved but the husband is displaying love to her the ques the answer is that the sequel that was supposed to be used to understand the wife was not used so the meda the emotion displayed by the husband towards the wife is is emotional but it's lacking intellect so it goes nowhere it goes nowhere and this is part of by the way the khazal was so bright if you learned the laws of hilukis tara hilkes nida and especially the swarm that explain more than just the laws but the atmosphere and the environment like in the safe ataris isro or in the safer in the ramban in his famous higher shadow and i learned these things when i was a husson you know and it opened my eyes to a whole different view of of of marriage and and of a woman of a wife which you know i never learned that in yeshiva until the time came when i was to get time to get ready to get married and and as i delved into it and i had hashem you know good teachers and even after marriage explored these topics with very good you know teachers uh etc so and then my own learning and reading and thinking it it's clear that the ghazal gave a um an atmosphere a very healthy atmosphere for under for for making a connection between the seijo and the middles as as they are in the relationship between a husband and wife within a man and a woman so for example the whole idea it says before intimacy there should be conversation which involves something spiritual and torah whether it be advartora whether it be there's a story and i'm going to add something it doesn't say which is a hasidic tune or a a deep meaningful jewish tune like you know i mean come on you know you're going into excuse the expression you're going into a bed together so come on what else do you need besides just the physical contact because i'll say no because i'll say no you need more you know why you need more because otherwise it just becomes animalistic and even if it's not you know gross animalism but it's it's the the nature of the body the nature of the body has it has has needs we know as as as leaden as torah jews that we want every experience to be godly this is what this is the this is uh this is all everything we learn in muslims it makes no difference it's all about making the experience more jewish more godly right so how do you make a physical act like that so godly so ghazal gave us a recipe and it works if you use the recipe and before you you engage in in you know in the moment of passion you season the passion by prepping your mind by prepping it with seiko now if it remains at the level of seiko it's also problematic then we also have a breakdown in a relationship it needs to go from seiko to medus and hazal worked it out that it works if you you know if you go about it if you go into the intimacy in using seiko to medos the intimacy comes out very very special because there's another relationship between seijo and middles and therefore even when there's a moment of passion and and one of the spouses wants to engage in some behavior that's outside of the realm of jewishness whether it be or even but it's very animalistic so the segal says no and the sacral says to the media stop this is not a healthy meter this is going beyond the pale and and and and this happens you know it's like i i i'm you know articulating this like as though this is a book and there's a one and a two and a three and a four and here we are with two people laying you know in a bed together where there's you know just passion so how do the two work and the answer is it's through training that if you train yourself and you work on yourself and it's a constant work okay like i told you about a 95 year old he asks me can i find him a girlfriend at 95. it never dawned on me until then that a guy in 95 still wants to have a wants to have a woman with him 95 years old the the pukey yoga says at the age of 100 ki ilo may subocument it's like you're dead and you don't exist he's five years away he's only 95 and his passion is burning for a woman so what does that tell us that tells us that that's nature that's nature but when we learn taita we learn siddhis especially and we we illuminate ourselves there needs to be a relationship between the seijul and midas so this is just an example that's not in the text here but like our dear martial always likes to concretize everything in something practical this is a practical thing where you need to have a relationship between other manish so the rapper's question the mimer is if that's the case adam needs ish and nish and ish needs of them what's the difference if i am just an other with intellect like an einstein or aristotle or one of the geniuses and we know we found einstein's letters and they're now on record how he writes and treats women is disgusting and here he is this genius obviously there was a breakdown between his intellectualism and his middles okay you could be the genius of the genius but you're not a mensch right so what does that mean looks like it says here in the mimer adam needs ish say jones middles vice versa as i've explained before me doesn't need cycle you gotta you gotta have your intimate life directed by cycle not just you're not an animal laying in a bed and if you are you know it's a problem it's a big problem and you got to refine yourself and you got to come to understanding there's something greater because even when two people already passed the woman's past menopause and all that the desire to uncover and the whole desire on this forum it says that each time a man and a woman a husband and wife are together they create a holy soul that says in the holy sword starting with desire nakaddish that means you are having an offspring you're not having a physical baby you're having a spiritual baby now you want that spiritual baby not to be crippled god forbid or not to be ill you want it to be healthy right just like when you're when you were able to have children you want to have healthy children healthy that are obviously healthy so so behave like a mensch you know because do you want to create such an issue in the world but i don't see it okay so get in touch with spirituality become more ruthless stop being so such a behemoth and become more of a jew of a yid just let go the behind the behemoth we've been behaving so much all all our life it's time now with the white beard or no white beard that it's time now to to grow up a little bit how long will you be a bahama you've been an animal all your life so now enough and if you still feel your behavior you need to learn more see this more muscle more gemura and you need to vibrate more at some point god will have mercy on you and say ah he'll put him to you or something that you'll stop being such a behavior so the point but the point is going back to the my mind is that we see that ish needs adam and adam means ish so his question is if that's the case why two names so just use one name that's where we're at so issa thank you for pointing out to us where we're at because that gave us the monologue for today let's continue so he says question who the heinem is true as we explained now at length it is impossible for there to be proper intellect or proper emotions without each other guiding and supporting each other avalimsa nevertheless named if dolin but miles ahmedabad both each one are two virtues in the human species the hain bali seijo and they are those that are called intellects ballet like the balabayas right and people who are very who are more who are emotional people so they are two virtues and two classes that yes each one uses the other one but nevertheless you point to this person you say this is an intellect and if i need an intellectual rational answer to a problem to a dilemma i'm going to him or her why am i not going to my good friend in shul or to the rabbi maybe for that matter because they respond more emotionally and i need an intellectual answer and the truth and vice versa is the truth too sometimes someone who's a good friend of yours is very intellectual and can think and doesn't rush to a decision and all that and you feel at this point you need to have more of a heartfelt gut answer because the intellectual answer has not gotten you to solve the problem to deal with the issue you know it's like it's like you could dot all the dots and have all the the formulas and everything and the equation is right when it comes to practical life it's a big zero zero nothing changes why because the answer was just intellect it did not include itself the emotional part because the person giving the answer is incapable because that's not the type of person he is and that's why i want to bring to your attention the rebbe many of his answers were go to yadid um friends that are mavinim as well now let's let's for a moment take those two words and and and strip them you need them friends a friend can give you good advice their friend they mean your best but they have to also be maving them experts if they're a friend and an expert in real estate and you need advice about um about accounting i'm sorry it's the wrong department or if you need a health issue and you go to to to to to a lawyer sorry at the same time a friend someone who feels you know you feel close to them they feel good to you so that they're looking they really when they advise you they're advising themselves they would give you they'll give you the advice that they will give that you give themselves because they're your real friend and by the way as i've said many times a friend means also someone who will give himself and you muster so when i went to my spirit when i was 18 years old in morristown and i said i have i have a feeling of ego you know i'm one of the best students and you know in the basement and i know that and i feel that and i don't like that feeling because it's egotistical so he told me find yourself people a friend or two in base madrid in yeshiva who will really give you musser but someone was a friend in other words not someone who's giving you muscle because they don't like you because we know we have that there are people each of us unless you're a banana or someone very special in character you have you have a few enemies you have a few foes you have people who don't like your style but that's what so if they give you musa they're not coming from the right place those are not the ones that give you muslim and you don't want musa for them you want muslim for someone who really loves you who cares for you and it hurts them that you are hurt okay so that's the type of you did them the rebel was suggesting friends but at the same time simultaneously he said oh mavini with a vava machabha a conjunction and people who have an understanding of the situation and guess what it's not easy to find such people you can diving in a shoe with 150 people and how many people could you point to would fall into the category here of you did them um probably you found one or two you're lucky every person in their own category so going back to the text rabbit says here there are bali seijo and bali middles there are people who are known their strength is an intellect and there are others their strength is in emotions vishnaya shame is the gift so those are the two names of adam and esh so what's his answer kevra what's his answer to the question that seemingly both need each other the answer the answer is sir you're right both need each other but nevertheless one is stronger in this area and one is stronger in the other area one is stronger and seiju one is stronger in middles so therefore we classify them by the two names adam and ish although both noted need each other but nevertheless you were not going to say that einstein was a was about middles even if he had good meadows he was known for his creativity and his genius i remember in marin county it was a city there's a city called fairfax and i met their professor not there i met somewhere professor richard webster i remember his name and he was from brooklyn and he was aid so i you know i wanted to get him involved and he was a professor at berkeley if you know what that means berkeley 1960s birthday 1970s and i started to speak to him it was like the first time i was speaking to a genius i mean i spoke to you but if your khan was a genius who had both he had me seijo and mitos all right that's why i write about my book and a lot of people don't know that they look at him just as a bright genius he was such a warm person if you really got to know him a very warm person a very warm person but this professor webster was this i could just see him you know in the classroom he was like totally a genius and and and i started to talk to him i managed to get him we had a dinner in san francisco at the hyatt on the embarcadero it's called hotel in san francisco if you know that you know the area downtown market street and then we made a dinner for chabad and i invited him and he was and he was uh my guest one time but it was obvious it was like you know my idea was to show that even he who's so genius and unfortunately wasn't at that time involved with yiddish guy much you know had sympathy towards khabad so i had him be a guest i think it was there but the the the intellectualism i it was it was so palpable how that drove him and that drove everything that he he responded with was so like you know intellectual so the fact is there are bali seiko very polycycle now some of them are more rooted in reality and some are not rooted you know if they're studying the trigonometry and or what are they called the mathematics uh higher level mathematics and you know what does it have to do with um you know if you're not going to be flying the plane what are you going to use trigonometry for but that's the world they live in they live in the world of intellectualism and they get a high from creative genius ideas then there are bali middles balay mides are people who thrive on emotions they thrive on a warm they can start singing a song and just start crying they can start singing a song and start laughing and start jumping i remember i was standing once i'm sorry israel in gaula waiting for a bus and it dawned on me i'm standing on the rocks of yerushalayim and there are people around the remembers twilight time and i started to dance not like a wild you know wild nut but i got really happy thinking that i'm standing on the stones of yerushalayim you know what that means well you have to be a little emotional to feel that you have to you have to you know allow yourself to go into the emotions now if you are that way you don't need preparation it just happened it happens automatically because you are about me this you know and then we find from time to time in the the rare exception it defines someone that excels in both but usually most people are all either in the category of seijo or the carico category of middles nevertheless because both the use the other the other strength as well we put them into the right orientation into the right category as he says here in the mind then he says we have the two other names let's continue in the text the shame they are descriptive names that express the two essential names okay so the hebrew the the two essential names are called avrom shame the essential name either of intellect or dumb or shame of middles but they're both called shame then we have two names that describe the person what type of intellect what type of middles they they recall that with the two names gather in enus behind you some they measure the the quantity of their quality together the word giver the name for a human being that is gathered the notes it denotes the um overpowering of seiku and midos each in their classification of autumn adam and esh in other words when you say odom i'm sorry when you say gerver you know there's an expression right you're in this expression people he is a giver isn't there such an expression he's a giver what does that mean what yeah we're all together yeah what are you saying you're innocent what does it say tomorrow right right thank you very good call the alum kfar this is about when you find them at sea you find an object whoever stronger grabs it called the ali var so the word means like strength so what is the number saying here that the name giver means that you you you it's a description of of of of your strength either in intellect or or in middles in other words there is the essential quality is he an intellect or is he uh uh of balmidos it doesn't yet tell you about isr it doesn't tell you yet whether they um there's strength and passion to it the name gever is the name of the human being that that that displays and manifests strength in either of the categories and finally the anoish the last of the four names it's just the opposite it's at the end of the poll it shows weakness you're a weakling whether you're a weakling in seiko or you're weakling in middles so we call that person enosh in other words and again you're still a human being i have to point that out you're still a human being but your your sense of either seiko or your sense of middles is very very weak fezzel so he goes back to the opening phrase of the mimer from pirkyovis this week chapter 3. beloved is man why is man not you but even the ordinary human being why is he covered by god motion why does god love a human being because a human being consists of an uh intellectual drive and from that seat of intellectual drive comes free will and healthy choices healthy choice opportunities and that's why every human being is covered and i want to tell you something when you learn this mime or even just this part of the mimer you won't go around calling trash bad and everything else like unfortunately some of us grew up with and probably still have it in environments nearby where you live because you learn such a mimer and that ebb is talking here about a human being yeah they're human beings who choose that with their free will to be evil and to stab and kill and hurt and they need to be eliminated and they're going to suffer and we have to get rid of them no question about it but nevertheless that's their choice they've chosen to be bad from god's perspective god makes a human being have an opportunity to choose and from that perspective there is there's love so this isn't a liberal cop-out ex you know we're we're all lovey-dovey and uh you know we're going to not have the capital punishment i'm not and i'm not taking political positions because the turret talks about capital punishment so therefore this capital punishment but to get the capital punishment in the torah you have to have so much reaches and and and and the governor says a person that killed someone more than once in 70 years was called katlanis a killing bosnian that means they did they they were too what's the word in english they were too uh too quick and rash in their decision because if you do the khakira sudrishas and the rambam enumerates the details hardly ever can you find someone guilty of capital punishment and that's why the komodo says if a besdom did it more than once in 70 years it was called a a killing person in other words free will is is such a gift that god gives humanity and um you know i overheard my daughter my gran uh my grandson say something about either some non-jews or some non-religious people which was you know negative and my daughter i heard her saying i could hear you know she says that's the choice they made that doesn't mean they're bad people and even they weren't religious i probably probably told them about you know because for the little kids growing up everyone has yamakis or sheitel or tiju and you know that's what he eat is and then they see you bring someone home for who's not religious they say they're a guy and if you live you know in a community like mine or probably google or say you know they're gay or they're not going to nazis and all that they're not they're not and it's not just they're not because i have a relative no that if the facts are you have your facts wrong simply wrong and and i don't care if you're a million your entire communities and the truth is those leaders and that were that were on the right page didn't speak this way and didn't teach this way yes you ain't you wanted to say something so that's that's basic yes and he was here for a number of years before he died and he got a group of black students and he was teaching them macrophages and scissors and at that time they were not heard of you black higher education you right i said even though he was such a genius he had he had a heart he felt okay i'm you know thank you for that i've never heard that you know that's that's a good piece of data to know um but but never nevertheless you're innocent you would you you would put him in the classification the category of an intellect of balsego wouldn't you right right right right did you guys in in college well did you guys have a like a professor that you could remember uh that was like a like a flu intellect that had nothing to do with reality i don't know uh you did right sure sure sure professor sure yeah you'd shuffle through his papers didn't know what was what but he was a genius absolute genius right you go into his desk and you couldn't see him because piled high with papers and books and and and he was literally he was a genius but you know totally not mr dark right all over the place you know they say what go ahead i have connected you never change clothes to home the whole corner for the same clothes every day get chocolate shoots eight years of higher education eight years at a public university i had two professors that ever mentioned god wow yeah either you know they say about i don't want to say who but one of the great rob burnham actually out of chicago in his younger years he came to yeshiva with two different colored socks and um and so and there were times he would take the train while he lived in new york and he would miss a stop he would call the way the end and he came back and and the masjid in the basement cursed him out because he was a rebbe he says the students are waiting for you he says oh i missed my stop but uh yeah anyway i'm glad that uh i hope the connection was good i i asked hashem for mercy so it's better than the other days so right away hashem answered the trill i hope it will continue i'll be back with hashem at the end of the week uh but this week will still still over here so have a great day zeitman sleep i hope uh gave us what to think about both the beginning of the year and the end of this year we're talking with each other we're all adults and um we could use this to to to become better people to our spouses and others and hashem will help us say everyone take care shalom yes and it was it was perfect which one are you talking your video from about where it kept freezing when you recorded it was perfect really yes i watched the whole thing didn't freeze it was not once okay okay um that's that's absuratova good news for take care take care take care