Joy and Frustration simultaneously, G-d's Abundant Mercy - Igeres haTeshuva 11a - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

so we're learninga the third section of the Holy sa we are on chapter 11 page 198 we're in the the countdown two more chapters 11 and 12 the AL in the last chapter in chapter 10 said an amazing thing what did he say he said that since chuva chuva is a requirement before chuv if you don't climb the steps on the ladder in a gradual way you could fall down and hurt yourself there are people that jump into jewishness to spirituality to and without prepping themselves especially when it comes to doing chuva not so much with doing a Mitzvah to put on F you should put oning whether you eat bacon or you don't eat bacon put on fill positive Commandments should always be done but mha what about when it comes to avoiding things we're not supposed to do that's much harder much harder you know we talk about avoid bad and do good it's a a verse in Psalms which is first is much harder than I say right do good do positive everyone says do more positivity yeah okay it's much easier but to prevent yourself from Cravings unhealthy urges and all of that is much harder here in in this section of Tanya this is what we're dealing with let's not forget this is called in other words who is the individual we're talking to here to someone who's interested in being what we call B TOA someone who's interested in returning to God and regretting and and having remorse for their transgressions for their ugly cravings and this is different than the first section of Tanya who was the the the T kind of who was the main objective of the first section the first 53 chapters iser the B now in chapter 12 the said he never did did a sin and you never will do a sin well that's not the average person has done a sin and they will do a sin so what does the author say and we explain then and to remind ourselves now again the idea is that this current mindset and attitude of the individual right now is as though as though I've never sinned and I never will sin that's how committed I am am to you God it's a very important insight into human psychology into our our psyche don't dwell on the past and don't dwell on the future dwell on the present if you currently can reach a point where as this at this moment I completely yours God and being yours every everything that I did before I apologize I regret I won't do it again and I and I won't do it again that mindset is a truism that mindset is not a figment of our imagination as we say in good old Yiddish a bisa a baloney story a fantasy a Wishful thought no it's real so so the ban has reached a point where he has eradicated the actual doing of Sin from its Consciousness as he stands in the mode of a what was the so if why isn't heic so the author explained in Tanya in the first section that the fact that he could still urge a transgression a TAA an Indulgence a craving that's unhealthy that idea that you could not that you do right now in actuality I don't do anything wrong in thought speech and action but that I could that is your downfall that's why you're not a sadik the sadic figure of the balatan here in Tanya is one that doesn't even have a urge it's hard to imagine but that's his prototype of a sadic and because of this in chapter 34 of Tanya DB said since the we're discussing an individual that's called aain right since that's the individual we're talking about The Godly soul and the animal drive by this individual are in two different places and two different worlds and therefore you can simultaneously be very happy with your love for God and doing hashem's will God's Will and at the very same time you shed a tear because of your loneliness and it's not what we call spiritual schizophrenia why not because with one comes from the ne the animal drive and one comes from NE and he found support and he's going to repeat it soon here in chapter 11 us cha in a z the zah says on one hand you have happiness and on the other hand you have bitterness how do how does one in the same person at the same time have these two conflicting emotional experiences says the AL but they're not conflicting from this perspective it's bitter this perspective it's great it's happiness now when could you say that when you've re you've refined yourself to the point where you are an active bany in the sense that you've worked out your issues so at that point you could clearly discern between the right side and the left side the good and the bad Etc here in we're not talking about a we're talking about someone who is in the mode of chuva and even after he does chuva guess what he's called a b shua what does it mean to be a b b is not as the conventional word in the used in the in the community is oh I once ate bacon I once ate on Kipper I once did this and this sin and now I stopped so I'm abouta that's also true about shua means that you're an active Bala what does it mean to be an active balua that you realize that there's a mixture a mixture of good and bad in your psyche your brain space is is full of a mixture a mixup the mixup is good and bad impulses that are unhealthy and feelings and yearnings of Holiness and it's in it's in you but not in you as you are kind of two separate Souls right Godly and animal but there's a mixture that's why you're a boua it's tremendous this thought the boua is and the bva is I know I'm I'm doing TVA I want to do Chua and even after I do Chua I'm still about t shua why after I've done toua Moshe after I've returned to God why do you call me a balua why do I call myself a balua because people don't have another way because you didn't learn in Yeshiva and and you became ref Orthodox observant whatever the word you want to use religious at at 30 35 years old of your life and therefore you're about to sh is that the reason no that that's not the reason that's not the reason according to the Tanya the reason is because right now every day the remnant of the past still continues today although God forgives you and he really forgives you you and you have a clean slate it's all true but we're not talking here to someone who's a ban who has no urge any long I'm sorry who has no C the way he is today the b in he is he won't do he never did a sin and he never will do a sin that's not true fora we can never say that now within Bas itself there's different BAS the maret rich based on the r says one should never say give me the obstacle give me the challenge you know I'm going to walk down Broadway Fifth Avenue or wherever else and smell that delicious cheeseburger or pepperoni you know pizza and I'm not going to go in and eat it or I'm going to put a good piece of cake in front of myself and say you're dieting now you're doing nicely you're not going to eat that cuz you're strong you shouldn't say that eepi you shouldn't say that why because although you are in the mode of chuva you're about to shua in other words there's still a mixture of good and bad urges and healthy healthiness mixed up so you can't trust yourself and therefore don't put that tempting food in front of you don't walk down the street where there's inappropriate things around you go on the side road okay nevertheless this chapter alludes to the fact that there is there is a higher Bel ala there's a boua who reaches the plateau called Chua and when he and when this B toua has done toua with such intensity called Chu then he he can walk in front of all those taist indulgences and he won't allow himself to be tempted and to do it this is a general introduction to the upcoming chapter let's look inside now page 198 chapter 11 P however when having in one's heart a sense of humility and and subjugation to God he canot this is what we addressed in chapter 9 and 10 as the lower chuo and also and also it's necessary to have SIM the car doesn't run just on gas the car needs to have a carburetor a motor and other things and oil transmission oil transmission fluid you can't serve AEM H just with chuva you hear that is Sir because chuva it's it's tough it's tough and you're always kicking back to the problem if if you continuously focus on a problem it's going to sleap you down it's going to drag you down that's why D says here although you you you subjugated your heart to God you you have humility to Hashem and you say I give up I thought I can do it and beat you God and I see I lost okay but that's chuva that's kind of dealing with the negative you know I did this and that and I regret what I did you also need to have SIM simultaneous Sim I'm so excited about D Ing and learning and helping people and being with my family and all of that they both come together says I already spoke about this it's been already said in the first section of T So pic at the end of we're going on to page 100 in the Hebrew k at the end of chapter 34 says that idea quoting Hees the H happiness is wedged in this side of my heart the vuli the ETC refers to and bitterness and unhappiness frustration is wedged in the other side of my heart so how is it that you're able to accomplish these two feelings when we're talking about about Thea the answer is through chw Chu the lower chuva you couldn't do this when you're in the mode of saying i i s for this i s for that if you really mean it if we really mean it I don't know how much we really mean it but if we really mean it you ain't a happy camper i s this way if you're looking yourself in the mirror you know people make their own bed and they don't want to live in their own bed they don't want to sleep in their own bed you make your bed you should have thought about it 35 years ago family friends business if you recognize it now hopefully you won't repeat your mistakes but you have to acknowledge you made a mistake when I'm in that mode it's very hard to be it's very hard to be joyful because it's always nagging at you says the AL that's why Chu cannot accomplish that you should have happiness and and frustration at the same time it's impossible but if you reach the higher plateau of true V which we said earlier in chapter 10 God gives you a gift kind of God upon you seeing the hard work I don't know if this is the this is what they teach you in in in the AA program you know but the the the 12th step I think is surrender total surrender one of the steps right what happens after the surrender so tells us what happens after the surrender what happens after the surrender is that God blesses you and helps you in a way that you couldn't do it on your own that's called true V God knows Hashem knows that we're limited and Hashem knows we're frail and he says I don't expect you to be a sadic I expect you to be to yourself the famous story where the famous student of the magav was rich he said when I go back to heaven after 120 they're not going to ask me why zusa wasn't like the bov and the and this holy Rabbi this they're going to ask me you're supposed to be why weren't you the way zusa should have been that's an expectation that's real and that's the same for for us each each one of us here we are who we are and and Hashem is not going to expect y to be like me and me to be like is like like h no everyone has a different Persona everyone has a different Nish so but they will expect us to be whoever we are so once we work towards becoming who we are Vis TR lower Chua then you get the chuva idea feeling and Al said in the last chapter this is what chabas is all about shabas it's brought in Caba is what we call alot the Ascension of the worlds what does it what does that mean what I know about chabas is that there's three meals there's good daving there's a good and a good CH and even Sometimes some good cougle right and on the long shabas like now we can sleep more we can learn more that's what I know about shabas Caba says is cab says you know what's really taking place shabas the worlds the spiritual worlds are having an Ascension which is very positive what ises that mean they're going back to their Source getting refreshed reenergized and they come back down the next week in the next week with a new positive energy wow that's what takes place on shabas so we think it's about eating sleeping drinking ding Capa says that's not really what's happening or better said that's all an one second L that's all an expression of Al yes yes sir says repeatedly throughout the that it's a return a a return what's return yeah so says it's it's it's the Ascension the return of worlds in other words what I'm hearing I don't know but I'm hearing from the what you're quoting is it's like we are returning that's also true as the AL quoted earlier the letter shabas reversed spells return T the Z adds a different the Z says it's It's the Return of the worlds to its source so when the world's returned to its source it goes back and gets re-energized the battery is recharged and and where is it recharged on high so therefore it's a whole different experience the upcoming week so this Sensation that takes place on shabas for the individual who works hard at Chu they'll experience the chu which is analogous to the shabas feeling to the true feeling of chabas that's what we're saying let's continue second line page adds another Point here and when you combine to this the faith and the trust in God Almighty that your heart be proper trusting in God the difference between AA very important faith and which is trust what's the difference the rebba say once and that amuna belief and Faith doesn't necessarily mean that tomorrow you change your ways it's very very very Mak encompassing trust makes makes you change the way your way I trust it will be this way isn't it's much trust is more profound and more deep and more real than amuna yes yes is I heard a very nice explanation once that uh you can use a mus is I believe that if I sit down in the chair it will not collapse and is you sit down in the chair very good I like that excellent thank you yeah so Dr says when you combine to this issue of TR of of belief and Trust in your Consciousness you know that God wants kindness and God is all benevolent and and merciful and God is the abundance of forgiveness is not only heem is the Abundant of forgiveness take it from how is that immediately when a Jew asks for forgiveness pardoning and forgiveness from God Almighty and in the brackets he says with you the abundance of your mercy forgive my sins wash me and cleanse me and wipe away all of my sins so when we identify with the a normal person you do something to them they'll forgive you the first time they do it a second time they'll say listen you do it a third time you're out three strikes and you're out one second hillo Hashem says hasem is you could do it again and again and again not intentionally but if you end up doing sinning against God because God is the abundance of of of of forgiveness he doesn't get fathomed he doesn't become any less God because you're a jerk excuse the expression yes h a technical question please remind me um how do we understand things in parentheses in Nat I you know re re later no no no no no no this is from this is from the alter Reb himself this comes from the balat himself your question is a good your question your question is a good one why why is it in parenthesis yeah so the answer simply speak simply speaking is because it's not you don't have to bring the verse here to support to have the idea you you know what I'm saying so that's why it's in parenthesis so why bring it I mean a lot of places he just makes a initial reference to the first uh lines of uh I would love to answer you but I don't have my here so shabas please God I'll be in sh with all the books and I'll take it out and hopefully we'll find an answer to your question can can let me ask you Hill are you able to sleep at night without the answer for the next four days or not five days I I slept the last two nights in the hospital I'll be sleeping tonight okay and mean well since you mentioned it since you mentioned it your son what's his name sh what's the name immediately you're home he's back home he's back home yeah okay so let me just left few words so God forgives you believe without any doubt is an acronym for No Doubt of doubts a doubt of a doubt look no question about it Hashem who loves us and he sees that we're trying he forgives us for our stuff and this is very important and we'll conclude here and continue tomorrow mem that a a ye must know that when you have remorse but you have to really have remorse and regret Hashem says I'm willing to work with you and I will forgive you and you'll have a clean slate as though you didn't do it and what if you do it the next day again you're tempted he do it again do again chuv and hasem says I'll forgive you again so and it's not a game it's real okay we'll see everyone tomorrow yeah what' you say thank you very much you're welcome yeah everybody's talking what he's talking about somebody that's that's a repeat offender a repeat offender is he talking about only someone that's doing malicious sins or he's talking also about habitual or or people that have who have addiction issues or that's completely different he's talking about everything as long as they do chuva so it makes no diff as long as they do chuva if they don't do chuva Yi whether it be um you know habitual act or or a conscious act as long as they do chuva the emphasis Yi here is on the chuva and that God is all loving and and abundant of Mercy okay okay see everyone tomorrow Z byebye thank you thank you wel