Is your charity genuine or selfish? - Igeres HaKodesh 9c - Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

so we're learning p t Ines on page and yesterday we had a very important discussion about the addition of the AL adds over here that sikim in general and sikim in particular take precedence in one's oblig one's giving of cheda now I I I I hold back from using the word obligation to give Seda obligation is a issue and I'm not sure that the AL is saying here that it's a issue that you have to give sikim before you give your wife and kids Okay so yesterday I was in sh and there was a big and I discussed this with him and we took out the and we took out the P because in the tanas that you're using some of you um those footnotes that I think mha read to us yesterday uh so we looked up some of the things and uh the concluded that um and I I had this feeling too but um he concluded that um it's not similar so in other words what it says in youra is is is not exactly what the AL is saying here so I'm not saying that the one who wrote the references meant to say it's identical I don't because he's a too he knows but he he's using it to show that there's a similar idea so that's why if it's about a similar idea not AIC idea we have to be careful to to to use the word an obligation because if it's an obligation then it's an obligation for all of us for cl Isel if you know unless unless we have a descenting uh in I but I but I believe here this is a piece of t a piece of is saying that like spiritually spiritually one should be prioritizing so again here what when we learn T you know and you learn all kind you have to know the the greater context of of the discussion in other words if we're talking about a discussion that's one scenario and that's one way of approaching the subject matter if you if you're learning Caba it's another way if you're learning mus it's another way if you're learning medish it's another way if you're learning it's another way so we Lear this is the this is so I I would think that it it's not an obligation it's more of a a spiritual uh necessity and from a spiritual necessity point he is definitely saying that one uh should prioritize giving to sedu to and and and and and this that I discussed yesterday about this issue I think we he agreed to that he agreed to what I'm telling you now so I just wanted to kind of you know bring that to a conclusion because it's um it's it's relevant it's it's very relevant it's very relevant other words if someone's gonna learn this piece of Tanya and walk away saying hey I gotta I gotta I got I gotta support my re before I support my wife and kids that's that's not that's against you know I I you know I told you our great uncle futas who was believe me a big a big he told my father-in-law who told me the way to give Sedaka you know and he said basically what you need for your family you take and the rest goes to the Reb the Reb his institution but the first thing he did say was you you need to take care of your family you know what I'm saying you don't take care of your family you're you're you're you're misguided you're you're doing wrong you know um and yes we have a story here a story there with the broken pum with the B and you know and then you have all the stories and I'm not saying they're not true but they're stories they they're an you know it happened one time you can't make of a story a lifestyle this is part of our problem thing one of the issue is we take stories and we make of them a lifestyle or we take a a concept of aula and we say it must be this way it doesn't must be that way the whole idea because the whole gather the whole category of aula is not lifestyle seula is the unusual seula is the exception to the rule and believe me it's it's a great thing but but don't tell me that if I don't do this Gul B with the I won't have or whatever to read the of the shal for having you know children that follow in the ways of the parents and all that and if I don't do that I'm on my own please please the T began before the school of the Shalo you understand School of the Shalo is is a very important thing and and this is what happens today when a mle or a r or a GLE or a re says once something comes out o and just now you know Ben Shapiro everyone you know knows this commentators Ben Shapiro right he he he says after he said oh Trump W because he went to the rebba something like that I have to read exactly what he said cuz I'm a little surprised cuz you know he's an intelligent guy but you know like there's no question you go to a sadic you believe in the sadic and the tadic connects you to the abish okay but but now imagine a people going to say oh you know what I have it's definitely because of this you know you know you know what's going on you can say that when you go to the Cav of a sadic and you miss followed by a sadic it helps that that's what we do NOP okay so the fact that he went he went there for publicity mind you but he went right it helped him everything you could take it and make out of it big words put it on a billboard and now everyone becomes crazed about it so I'm saying this is all very important and when we learn a piece of Tanya like this and you see this I this since since I learned this last week and I discussed it with several people it's like my head is rolling still it's it's such a Kish it's a big Kish you know when you come through aish and you're someone that's you know learned all your life and you daved and you you're involved and everything else it requires to to to revisit to revisit and to to look at it and to think about it so I'm just I just sharing some more of you know the feelings that that I'm feeling while I'm learning teaching this to you and and at the same time I think um giving you an approach to to certain things and again I'm not from those that poo poo a person's excitement andite and and V kite warmth and you know God forbid I'm I'm not from those people but at the same time you know let's let's let's look at it carefully Let's uh let's think a little bit about it then let's put it in the right box when you put things in the right box the right place it's so much healthier it's so much healthier and and I see it even my kids and I see different things they got married and I see their spouses and I and I'm and I look and I listen and I'm observing you know and and it's interesting you know I see how the influence of a a daughter on my son-in-law you know and I thought he would be this way now I hear I'm just saying when you when you you back off and you put things in the right box you come out a lot healthier let's continue now I got to learn inside so on page KU um and we are here we are so says open your eyes from your Slumber to realize that it's allem oh we're on the fourth line and after after the brackets he says you shouldn't seep your because the p says that's on the line two going on to line three who's like the nation of Israel one on earth and Al explains that means that you have to bring the the one the unity even in even in worldly Earthly matters or I know that you like to understand the difference goes on a person goes on the action so the AL is saying both in other words both the person and the activity being done have to have the in other words you you could you could be like this um Val you could be a a a fine person and you yourself are accomplishing the you drawing down but guess what if the issue the item is not is not relating to it it's not really it's only in your mind I told you the famous story V with the uh one of the and they saw him gazing out the window they said re what are you gazing out the window he says I'm gazing out the window to smell if mashiah is here they said re and you're Sim in your room Mia is definitely in your room in other words you're a re you're a sadic he says yeah yeah you're right in my room there is a sense of a messiah feeling but that's not where it's at I have to smell we outside on the street in Wyoming if Messiah is in the in in in in Wyoming if I can't smell messiah in the street that it still hasn't been go so implies this concept by using both both textual readings of the P either or or or one goes on the on the person the person himself is not separated from God I the person lives with with unity and the other other thing is not only does the person live with it but if do it's also within the world that the world experiences the that's why brings here both both textual readings there is no separation between the truth of and the person and the subject matter you know say if you say kishma and you don't wearin you're giving false testimony cuz in the saying says right or for that matter the whatever this famous is employing that concept here as well that if you do not engage in accomplishing Aus in yourself in the world around you you're giving false testimony you're saying listen Hashem is all over hasem is one and you didn't make hem in yourself or in the world around you so you're you're a liar so you're saying false testimony that's why he quotes this these words let's look at the words to give God forbid false testimony when you say in the evening and the morning and say you're saying false testimony with closing your eyes you're supposed to close your eyes when you say shma right guess what you're closing your eyes and how many of us see people shuckling back and forth and making with their heads and they're closing their eyes and they have God himself and they're lying cuz they haven't accomplished e let's continue in the four corners of the world below and then it's very sharp and when you open your eyes from saying God is fleeing away he not there God forbid right you close your eyes right you open your eyes you take a look wait a minute there's no here God forbid so your whole your whole closing of your eyes is as we saying in good old yish B baloney you're you're Faker you're fake a very strong language it goes further so this will help us make gives us a Stern warning warning in the sense that hey guy wake up and realize what the objective is and where are you at in this activity however with the following it will help us when we engage in all matters and worldly matters lately Mayu we don't do it for our self pleasure for our self selfishness rather we do it to enliven to give life to the Souls which is part of God and to fill uh to complete the lacking what's lacking giving unconditional free love free free kindness and when we act with you hear this we compare ourselves look at this language very beautiful language here we compare ourselves to the Creator we compare our image on We compare our imag to the Creator you see the word sur and have a similarity but t means image and y means you know the the means comes to the word Rock the Strong Rock The Creator means the Creator how how do we compare how is our image at the time when we do unconditional love and unconditional kindness similar to does all day what's we know is when you you bury someone has no one no crav no relatives it's called is always called because the person's has left him and he depends now whether being his children or his family or others to take care of him to give him a Jewish burial it's called is using this concept does hasem doing of with us on Earth is is is is pure is is sincere is genuine it there's no strings attached it's just for one reason let's continue and why does Hashem do that you're telling me Hashem doesn't benefit he has no Ben benefit from doing it because Hashem wants to sustain the world he wants the and everything that feel the world every single moment that's what hasem decided to create and to and and and creation should is continuous creation therefore Hashem says I want this should be every single moment okay stop so until this word ra make yourself a note make a a period it's this is the objective of giving true s the objective is selflessness and therefore whatever is necessary at the time you don't make um differences but you do what needs to be done in a way of without strings attached without conditions so now asks from the word ra is kind of a rhetorical question so how do we reconcile this iser with the K what's the look let's Lear further in those six words he sums up a concept a wife and children a person's children have priority like call before anyone else T now what the AL is saying I've said it all along but he says I just here is the text where he says it Al is not saying and contradicting everything he said till now what he's saying is the T tells you that shall em unconditional strings and and and giving to is to follow and says your wife and kids come before others so it's not because I love my my wife I love my kids in other words it's coming from kind of the natural love and the selfish you know it's my it's me it's my family it's my skin no these words in the AL we find it in different chapters in Tanya it's a it's a very important way how he looks at life Al it doesn't mean just you're gonna ask me what are you saying Al every from Jew tries to do things Al of course I know that Al means not just that it says it in a book and it says in means it's part of you where it actually changes your mind and your heart and your behavior and the and you're Guided by Al so in that case when the T says to you wife and kids have priority Hally doing that is not conditional based on the strings attached and my love to my kids and my family and all that it's what God wants and guess what if Hashem would say at that moment don't give you wife and kids I would listen with the same joy and truth be told that's why we have a rambam the rambam pasin I think that a child a son from a certain age I forget now was it 20 I forget now um you're not obligated so other what the ra is saying is but it's your son your son your son struggling one second Hill one second and you have some money now the question is how do you prior prioritize your s according to the ram again I'm speaking generally don't you know I didn't go into these now and study them but making a general statement to the you don't have if he's over a certain age he doesn't have a priority you sedu giving you want to do a nice thing for him so and if giving someone who's not obligated to giving someone who is obligated for you to give you're not doing the Because what you're doing is you have a string attached you have a condition ah I like my son he's struggling I want to help him yes he I'm wondering what you're saying fits with a question that came up as I read this because it says and then the next line it says I was wondering if it was was a that's a meaningful distinction versus just that's meaningful say so so your question is not about sadik because that we discussed in the past you're talking about just is so so over there in there's discussion about a bonov it but but I don't believe Dr AB here is getting into it not I don't believe I he's not getting into it um until age six yeah okay right thank you yeah but but but but is is is I think the I think theum over there say something that it's even more than 86 I I I know that that's why I was I I know about what you're saying but I but M him to that yeah yeah I know you m him to that no but but here's the nuda let's not lose sight of the nuda the point the thread over here the thread is is your giving because of a selfishness including it's natural to help your family or is it because Al that's that's the barometer over here that's the very so so so if a person's doing it Al it's genuine you know so the brings the there is a concept that a wife and children take priority over everyone else and if that's Al not because it's your wife not because it's your son but because the T says you are to do this and that fine that's why it doesn't contradict everything that he said till now and the AL feel spiritually again I emphasize spiritually that sadikin and have a priority so this is a thing that you need to kind of work out with your you know with yourself and your family and and your love and your sadic how the two go together in other words if I have a certain amount of money and I do I my wife the wife says uh we need a new kitchen why don't we need new kitchen because if we have a nicer kitchen and a and a and a brigh kitchen and a bigger kitchen we can entertain more people it's an argument I I found myself in either sski in one of the sections of about 10 15 years ago and alab lived there I came in there were 30 I'm not exaggerating 30 boys from the be Yesa around this table the man was taking out Frozen H it was a one it was so small I I was I was blown away and everyone ate a shabas meal a little bit here a little bit there without a big kitchen so that's everyone has to make their own on the other hand if you have like I told you the story with the theak in San Francisco I I I had I spoke to someone about helping our you know supporting it financially and and and said I wouldn't even take your call or but because the the rabbi of San Francisco had come to me and he had he outdress me his suit is fancier than mine then I mean he's worth some money if he can outdress me I'm reform I belong to reform and he's aidic Rabbi with a full beard and all of that and he can dress fancier than me he's worth his money and because of that I got involved with kabad and and you know and I started to respect therefore I'm taking your call and I want and I'll help you too but so there is a time where a uh uh what seems to be a luxury could be a necessity so again there you need to know the context and it's always good to discuss with an outsider especially a a Masia or even a spouse who can see the other side you know is this going to really enhance it or are we doing it to show off join you know what the G the Johnnies the Johnnies have new kitchens I have to have a new kitchen everyone's driving in Florida right now certain places not just Alexus forget about Lexus that's an old one it's a Tesla wait a Tesla the Jones The Jones The Jones yeah thank you a Tesla you don't have a Tesla men you're not a mench you got to have a Tesla right so this and and Y we've discussed this in you over the last six years you know how the materialism is eating away at us but I don't want to go into that right now what I'm saying is that gives us a criteria here Al and if you follow it Al you'll be all right okay the rest we'll learn tomorrow mitem everyone have a great day zun ma those that want to Trump to win you got your way and Hashem should help that he should be the right K to bring to bring a big to bring to bring yes okay you got okay okay okay just let me know when and if I'm not there say for me take care see you tomorrow everybody bye bye