How to Instill Pride in our Children

today so where are we today we're on page 125 contoso mayan where we're in the seventh mimer in middle of the period fourth chapter we're actually at the large the second paragraph on 125. and to recap that the rebirth last point was that and it's a very interesting point i i urge you to listen to the shear that's uh um you know available online hillel because i think you'll appreciate it uh the rebbe's point was that when ayden who by nature is please that's the nature of a jew when a yid acts in a kitsony way in a superficial way in the sense of committing a transgression he takes the energy that he has by nature and i i use the word i i i coined yesterday's year for the internet the abuse the abuse of self because this is who you are and when you do an aveda you're abusing who you are and what happens what happens is that that causes you to fall much lower and to go to much worse places than a guy can ever go to because the guy to begin with doesn't have that level of energy he has a different level but in other words since the expectation of a jew is much greater as far as borojo wants of a jew he has expectations of everyone proper expectations but the jewish expectation is the sakin odam shin dala good as we say in elaine three times a day and when a yi takes that mission and that kayak and uses it for clipper i.e for aveira for transgression it makes him tumble way way further below than anyone else this is what we learned yesterday so like i said yesterday usually usually in in chabad definitely in the you know in the chabad house street world we emphasize oh you're still a jew you didn't do you're not doing mitzvahs you're not aware you don't care do a mitzvah you have an ashram you're connected that's what we emphasize regularly but that ashab emphasized and that's why it's important to learn siddhis because then you see like when you learn this you see that this is not just about feel good judaism like some accuse us of oh you bring people into habat house you say they're all right the way they are and that's fine you don't demand anything of them i'm sure you've heard that many times because i have when you learn this mimer could there's a mayan the section here in this section here you you see that's a that's a lie that's not true that's not the bother it's not this is and what does he say here he says he does the opposite he says here that when you are aware of the situation of course when you're not aware you're not blamed you're tiny right according to jewish writings of thousands of years there's a concept called tinukshanisba it's brought in a child an infant who's been captured by a non-jew and raised as a guy is not blamed for the lifestyle that he or she chooses or because they were raised not knowing so we apply that idea that clow to a tree on the street in manhattan tel aviv who doesn't know any better yesterday we spoke about yoni mentioned you know what's going on in tel aviv but they don't know any better better yeah inaudible [Music] they've been raised already by grandparents who were masculine who who were communists yiddish and didn't believe so what do you want from them with their ponytails and eating pig they don't know any better so how logically they're not blamed and yes took this to the street and made of it a reality and created an entire jewish world from it and today there are thousands and thousands of fruit families mostly not the babies not mostly mostly not like i've told you that first shabbos i was in bed shemesh i'll never forget this well before we started the kaelu and i was walking up on that 90 degree day to speak and rabbi melinda it's a shul and i was it was up up the hill from schmuel's apartment and it was very very hot i didn't have any water i wasn't carrying i don't know about the air whatever my own my own stuff you know and a woman saw me a woman with her daughter and granddaughter were in a park one of those parks next to wherever my little ones will show them how to she has a shoe and she saw me sweating and breathing hard and she says would you like some water i said sure i'd like a little water and and she gave me some what i made and then she saw that i'm on the barber chip because you can't you know you can't miss a habit with my beard and my capacity in my head you know you know who i am anyway and and and she says she says um you know you see my granddaughter you see my daughter and you see me and you know why i'm here because of rabbi alefsky in cleveland so i said what's the story i always like a good story so she says i was a nudge i was a college girl i wasn't froome and i i somehow met rabbi yelpski and he invited me he and his wife there's cabardo's in his house and i became very comfortable and i was came about bias over there and i nudged with questions hugging questions hairful ridiculous and he had patience for me and he answered my question or he said it's all right and i became a [ __ ] um uh and he says that because i became a belcher here's my daughter and here's this little girl so you would think you would think that and and then she said to me and they're not lubavitch they're not and i'm a personally happier my husband isn't and that was my introduction to ramatv chambers to your community and then speaking to hillary onto moshe to others i found out there's so many people there where you are who went who began through the babbage through khabad and then decided for whatever reason that's not their lifestyle and they would remain froome and the lit fish this that this [ __ ] why am i saying that because i'm saying it because because the nishama is so powerful that hashem is so powerful that it works in very mysterious ways we really don't know how the neshomer works we think we know sometimes but we really don't know and our nusrama if we pay attention to it if we really focused under the shaman it's very difficult to be focused under the germa because the body and the gas mias always schleps us down and schleps us into different pastures and it's very difficult to stay focused but when we're able to focus those few moments whenever it may be through the day through the week through the month through the year is is so powerful and it it it it loves hashem it wants and when you touch it and you stay with it you're going to get there you're going to accomplish so the rabbit that i shop says here when this nishamba who's so powerful and does such great things is abused and who abuses it i do because i commit an aveda sin i take this tremendous atomic energy and it causes a negative explosion we have a chernobyl disaster or we have a beirut disaster we have a big problem and and practically talking about the person he ends up in a cult and an ashram in all kinds of meshed gas and the percentages of eden there in the 60s and 70 were very high and that's what happened because of the summer so this again this thought of that that's brought here from ashab is not one to to make us feel bad it's making it's to make us realize what we have the objective of siddhis of the baal shem tov not just the father of all hasidic movements was helped the problem help the enemy you're good elevate yourself focus on the positive but part of focusing on the positive is to know what you have and to know that if you're abusing what you have we have to unabuse ourselves wake up and and do better that's that's what the rashad is talking about now but but since he's talking about clippers he's remember he's talking about the difference between panini and sarah saying versus higher education which is for the clippers he engages in a conversation that deals with the hits and the clippers so we understand what they are what their objective is how they function and how to eventually elevate them or destroy them depending on the situation and have our true self shine so let's now continue to 125 in the second paragraph avo the whole is [Music] if god forbid he's already lost the part of his nashamah and the portion of good that he has within him right shaboyi hashem yeshmir no may god guard us from such a terrible situation us he does no longer receive any vitality from them because in essence since he's a yid sorry his the operating system of a jew is that he he should be receiving highest from the paninis of god's will daftke in other words listen to this the fact that he got some energy from the chinese from the external and superficial was because of his aveira that's not the object that that's not the objective that's not the way it should have been so once he got that highest and that highest was abused it stays in you know that that section of highest is gone goodbye and and and and what will make him return is the is really who he is which is in the shroma which is the ponemius that's what he's saying let's see let me see how you how he develops the point further [Music] so what happens is he got a little of the dregs that was given to them remember going back to the mushroom hill i think you were here for the muscle or not i'm not sure the muscle that ashab said yesterday was of a king making a big meal for his ministers he wants to show off he gives them all the delicacies and at the end he invites some poor people in and some lowlifes and all that he says come in here you can have some leftovers so he gives some leftovers for them the leftovers is the equivalent of giving the clippers a little extra highest so they should have what to nourish on they should have a bone to chew it says that here when when that when committing the sin we receive at that time the highest that's coming from these drags the zelda fee show but that's only temporarily once it's finished you don't get any more from those clippers the extra dregs shane remember that that's not your place [Music] right someone was down and out that you help him what do you have to tell him what do you have to tell him this is not your place i'm helping you now to get up stand on your feet but this is not where you are this is not who you are where you belong i'm helping you get jump out do whatever it takes but realize this is not you know don't get comfortable like a single single and single such a long time it's very hard to break the pattern and get married because they're so comfortable being single they say they're not but bottom line is they've they've lived a single lifestyle for so long so they remain single single single single the clip is the jew when he commits the sin he goes into a realm of clippers and then he's kind of comfortable with the drugs and and and the poverty and it becomes he becomes so broken that broken meaning in the sense that he doesn't care and he gives up and he's happy with with the waste so the rebel ashab says my friend that is that's drake's and we gave it to you because we didn't want you to die but that's not who you are now realize that and get back to who you are which is plenius you're here and this is we have to say to ourselves and to our family and our people and everyone this is not who you are this is not who you are you know i've run twirsky rabbit twisty always says that famous line that i love so much and his father raised him in milwaukee he said he said es pastnet and you know he was whatever it was a boy or a teenager as passionate it's not befitting you know where you come from you know who you are it's not who you are so i wanted you to say it's blackmail it's it's not no it's just trying to reveal to a young man at a certain age with certain trials and tribulations and this youngest you know who you are don't not for me don't do it for the father do it for yourself you know who you are as passionate well the story with the khasidavi of the altareba who was walking by a movie theater over there somewhere in russia and he wanted to go in and he said wait a minute myself i would go in but i'm out to rebecca's husset i'm going to go in being down the rabbit's closet can't do that i can do the nonsense but i can't slap my web into it either you might rub into it so of course is that the reason you know you should do it for yourself here i'm saying it's you hey you should do it for yourself i'm saying sometimes it's also acceptable to use uh a superficial external reason to avoid a problem okay like i told you the previous celebrates in the discourse when it comes to surme rob preventing oneself from doing evil use any hajj but including guyva conceit and ego but don't do it you'll worry about it later so the outdoor rabbits crossed it he was using ego i'm the altar of his horses i myself would go in and do the average whatever he was doing but i'm not doing it because of my rapper great fine for now that's fine later on once you come once you you stop and think about it that's not the reason you should do it because you yourself don't belong there because you know who you are and this is a freshman we have to ask ourselves and think about and it's an avoider it doesn't come from eating cheat cheese you know and and falafel it comes from aveda where the mind all of a sudden thinks differently the paradigm shift let's continue inside it is not the norm for for the jew to receive from acharya from the backside rather [ __ ] non-jews they received their kayas from there constantly the jew that sins god forbid takes a portion a lead portion and what was given to the [ __ ] and he takes it for himself giving him caius he's going back here guys he's going back here to explain what we learned two three days ago about this idea of the termination of the energy remember i was baffled about those words here there are shabbats of a little clarity you know why this termination of that energy took for a jew because that's not who the jew is that's not who the eid is so one can party and consent and can and can can scheme but it's going to end why is it going to end not because they're going to catch you that's also true but because that's not who you are make sure you hear that you hear the finish that's not who you are so it's going to catch up to you because who you are is going to come out [Music] what does he say you know what he says he says whatever he is mahu that's what he says yes moshe i just want to say i've been thinking the last few minutes as we've been speaking about this after you told the story about the woman that you saw in ramapanjemish yeah but you just said now what you just said now it i feel like it works it's not that it works the adult the adult who takes advantage of other people he is a shyster he walks around with the kippah he's constantly cutting corners he's taking advantage of other people okay he's an adult but i'm listening to you as as we're learning this and i'm asking myself what about our kids what about in romantic ramachamish let's take ramaphichemish so many kids that we struggled to get here we struggled to we struggled with the questions to embrace yiddish kite we struggle to get your territorial we struggle and struggle and struggle and we try our best to make it good and our kids some of them i don't have to go into any details everybody knows exactly what i'm talking about our kids sometimes they're like you know like what what do i need this it's not even what do i need this like just like doesn't i i'm trying to make i'm i'm i don't even know where my question is i think i'm trying to understand maybe you know what it is you know dude i think it's here's my question the question is maybe just simply what's the difference between the adult who definitely knows better he definitely knows betty he knows exactly what he's doing okay i could i see this i've seen this constantly many many times throughout living here in my pajamas as the difference between the adult and the child the young person who is struggling just to find themselves okay it's so it's interesting that you asked that because last night my wife and i were talking she was talking to a very good friend and just had you know difficulties with kids and and and we've had a similar discussion and i i just want to tell you what what again this is not a definitive answer because there's no one definitive answer okay this is more for schmoozing and thinking of upbringing i'm thinking now about as you as you were asking me i'm thinking how i grew up how i grew up and i want to tell you something the way i grew up was the following way i wanted to emulate my father i wanted to emulate my teachers in yeshiva i wanted to make them proud and i knew and felt as a young boy and as a teenager that and the rabbit for sure and you know but i'm not talking about the rabbit but i i really i remember i remember thinking is i want to learn so much and i want to behave so well and i want to do what's right because i want to bring my parents to be happy and and and to really have satisfaction for what i'm doing and i want my teachers and rebbies and friends the same way and i was driven by this and you could say probably that european parents who came out of the holocaust which my parents were and my grandparents they instilled this in us there's no question about it but but but but it it it it happens now so now so here so here's my point i know it's going to be uncomfortable saying this but i'm going to say it i think too many parents today are compromising on this value you see there's a difference between scolding and saying your bed but the pride to create a an environment of pride that's not you know arrogant pride but this twirsky idea of esposit and and this whole idea i believe we are compromising on this today with our kids and i and i'm talking about my own my own kids too but i i i keep i keep at it i keep at it you know i have you know older girls and i will not you know we we have serious disagreement about certain issues you know nothing terrible but ideological differences i will not compromise because i believe wholeheartedly this is what made me and this is what made you know claudia's role as as we are today and i believe this is good and true and i'm going to you know push that and talk about it and explain it and and i see that even those that disagree on some level at the end that there is um a good result even as they agree disagree with some of it or maybe most of it but i see that they stay within the overall system i i see it i i tell you my own family so therefore therefore a parent and parents have to you know augment this now that's as far as then there is the vert which we also discussed in the past that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree says the mother that's only when it's a normal common wind but if you have a hurricane coming the apple falls very far we have a hurricane today so in a hurricane situation things are not normal so what needs to be done what needs to be done is try to pre-seed and prepare yourself boarding up your house like you do in florida when a hurricane is coming now now what does it mean boarding up your house you should you should shelter your kids no no but but you should stay in a in a loving serious way what is healthy and what is not healthy what is good and what is no good and then ultimately and i go back to that example that i've told you also several times when i was 19 or 20 in morristown guys were smoking so high in dolphin decided to smoke and came home and i smelled some smoke and my father said listen i tried smoking when i was in yeshiva in the 50s and it lasted for a little while it cost me a lot of money and i smelled and i stopped i'm telling you the same thing and it's also not healthy and guess what after a short while i came to my senses and and stopped the smoking but it came for me but did my my father didn't scold me he didn't ridicule me he just shared his own experience so that's maybe prevention prevention before the storm comes so my answer moshe is twofold one is um really sharing the beauty and and greatness of the lifestyle that that we live we live as hidden in ramada chemist right and to talk and say we're in arches yes we made a mess of snefish and we have an army and all that great new you could do all of that but do it with as a from jew you don't have i'm not asking that we are a beard of penis and strength and you know but but the basics of shabbos kashus you know there are conversations good conversations that's number one and number two prevention and uh number three which really is number one or the foundation of the one is a lot of talent a lot of tilling but but but practically there is a breakdown where parents are are scared maybe they're gonna say something and their kids gonna run 10 miles away you're never going to see them i think if you if you're if your parent if you're not a parent properly and you have love you could say it and you could you could say it strongly and it's it gets it it seeps in it seeps in so anyway let's go back to the text okay i hope that was helpful thank you you look good yeah last last bottom of the page of mrs basa he even if he's in a situation where the clipper got hold of him and guess what but he also learns to tell you don't miss he does he learns to he doesn't miss his top of 127. okay the gemara says even the empty ones the emptiest ones amongst you malaya they are full of mitchells like a pomegranate which has many seeds harsh words hard words to swallow but we need to hear them if you want your traitor mitzvahs to be fulfilled to be received you have to do truva it doesn't again we're not talking about someone who doesn't know any different but ourselves you have to do trouble first kumasi kosovo russia um and to the russia hashem says what business do you have to relate my statutes batisa brisa brisi and to carry my covenant which roshi says is taurasi my tiger says he says my uh my covenant what right do you have for for my alive for my my covenant of terror business to be peach on your mouth for you hate discipline and you have thrown my words behind you so hello in your heart you hate the discipline emotion that's exactly what you addressed leave me alone i just don't want to be disciplined this way leave me alone you threw away my words behind you behind your back like someone who throws away an item that he doesn't want he discards it he throws into the garbage i don't need it if in your heart you don't you you despise this discipline then through your total mitzvas you're getting a big zero that's what it says and it's based on kabbalah but the rashaw says in his words look what he's quotes a book of muslim for those that say that khabad didn't learn muslims or shop right here 1904 quotes the righteous truth or save pay the base the zeal of china and their shop now quotes and cites the words the actual words of the racist of someone is full but yeah this is because these are muslim words someone who's full of waste garbage sayas feces which are his sins that person's trainer brings no knockout no joy to hashem the creator the reason is when you learn taylor you draw a skin a chair a throne um and a dwelling place shaboy taishevitanua over there the sheena can rest when a man is full of stains from his sins ain't nothing straight about it doesn't rest on him he doesn't have a chair a throne to rest on loya valencia and not the traitor has a place to rest and nothing since the person is not a vessel to the light because he hasn't done yeshua for his sin any movement without you initially he doesn't draw down the divine light from heaven gum king so basically kevin we need to do truva sorry there's no there's no there's no no shortcuts here you need to shoot her you want the earth to be nimshak you've got to do truffle and if someone dedicates themselves to the clippers to the negative forces hey maxwell nikiman menu guess what they will take advantage of revenge of you they're going to hurt you and he calls the section shall guard us he should give in our heart truthfully overturn him and with sincerity thomas that we should not go this path very heavy so did i try to say that basically the clippers are going to kick you out the girl in india says hey jew you don't belong here go back to brooklyn and go back to chicago and get yourself a rabbi and find out what it means to be a yidd right we all know those stories the the you know when you indulge and you do a vedas you know like there's a certain point where it gets so disgusting that it kicks you out and says get out of here this is not a place for you you're a heat so let me get out of here let me get out of here dude truva and when you do truva then your terra mitzvahs draws elykus into the world and into yourself and this is another answer my friends to why sometimes we we ask we do terror we learn title we do mitzvahs and we don't get results or the results that we want maybe just maybe it's because we haven't done yet proper truth you know we don't like talking about it and we don't like emphasizing it and and generally speaking that's correct but a person to themselves knows themselves and they have to ask themselves that question constantly and revisit it as long as you're able to handle it if it's going to bring you into a melancholy a depression or a negativity where you say the heck with it i'm just going to live up the day and do what i want you shouldn't go in that way you shouldn't use that approach we're talking about a heat who is able to you know withstand um the uh the issue and to be mature about it and be an adult about it then it's healthy i wanted to the kitchen we'll do next uh next week if it's hashem but i wanted to say regarding that last point that we discussed moisture and all that about the the children the teenagers the young people there's another issue that we're confronting today this is by the way also by adults there's a new phenomenon that we didn't really have years ago today i mean the last 20 20 years or so and that is people who say i'm not angry at judaism i'm not angry at from kite i'm not angry i love you ma i love you ta i love you you know and i'll leave and i'm in your house i don't have to pay rent but i just this judaism doesn't talk to me so just let me be and that's in a way the hardest type of issue to deal with because when someone rejects something you got friction you got energy you got to fight you know you know that's what to deal with but when someone has apathy very hard this is apathy happy is it's all good it's all good this this is a new issue that we're confronting now yes yoni so um so one of the things is talks about it that that russia is in a much better position than someone that has yush someone has despair it's like the worst kind of thing i think just to mention you know just to talk a little bit about what moshe was speaking about i think today the youth today has a lot more um obstacles and a lot more um distractions than we did we grew up we didn't have internet we didn't have such a thing if we had five if we had five television channels and we watched a love boat you know that was the most risky things that we could possibly you know see that's one thing and then today especially with covet and the elections and this and there's a lot going on it's it's very challenging i know for me personally i'm sure for children for for for teenagers i see with my own kids it it's not an easy time okay and right and that and that's why i said the first point and i and i'm i'm saying it again you have to make them feel very proud and and and want to achieve i'm telling you in other words i'll give you an example you know your wife's grandfather right for example if if if one of your children would become enamored with this jew who was he why was he at a certain point they'll say i want to be like that and then they go off i'm just saying i don't know whoever they're you know this idea of of of people to look up to now hopefully they can look up to us as parents but even if not and and and today it's harder because they everyone becomes your kids become a psychiatrist psychology social worker and they analyze you and they find everything that's wrong and i don't want to be that way i don't want to be that way okay what about your rabbi what about your rebbe what about uh a jew and shul who darkens beautifully you have to make their or and and not all and also you could be the next leader of this of the state of the people but like the state of israel is the yiddish a country and it's a kindness so you know you're telling unnecessary together with your trill and be the best look at people who are professors in university who come in with yarmulkes who come in with fruitcaid the world today respects such people so we have to really in a way build their self-esteem and confidence in that area i'd like to hear from hillel because you know this is your field what do you say about all this [Music] yes i mean i think [Music] you know i think that um every era has its challenges and uh certainly i'm living with an 18 year old and so i know the challenges of growing up today and there's got to be a lot of love a lot of love and a lot of bonding yeah and go out to play golf you know play golf go bowling go for it to your limb go to the pizza i'm telling you bonding taking time i mean taking time with you with your kids and grandkids is such an important thing it's as important as putting on filling and governing and learning and i'm telling you and this bonding will go a very very long way and and because they know that you're always there for them so even if they're that doing their thing they'll they will communicate with you at some point and you can get into discussion and on and on and on so uh i agree with you only love um only love but again what i'm what i'm what i'm emphasizing is that love me oh love should include giving them painting a picture and explaining what you know proud that something to achieve and accomplish you know you know okay you want to be a musician no problem but let's let's you know get become a become the best musician work towards that be become you know what i'm saying don't accept mediocracy strive for excellence and that we need to build we need to give that confidence into into the young generation and that itself when they see a parent believing in them like the story i told you with a teacher who had this kid in a public school and he was a troublemaker and he came in he saw making noise to the principal the principal went over to him and he said i see you like you like to play noise here i have a a pencil or something start banging on the table with it oh you're making nice sounds and he became a a world pianist or or or uh some kind of player why because the principal put into him that he could be a great musician that's my point that's the point i just uh i just had during this year those my daughter uh who i had something of hers and uh i got to tell her hey i just heard your latest recording on spotify it just stopped me in my tracks it was a moment of great joy and beauty beauty i'm living i'm living that one hashem every sunday you wanted to make a little fabrega talk about the rabbi and their hasidis and their style so we'll do that sunday because shabbos is the rashabs there are yeah so we uh we you know we're not going to can't see shoppers so sunday mr sham will will make up for the shabbos we'll have a bring in tell some people maybe they want to join anyway meanwhile it was a great cheer bar hashem have a wonderful shabbos and uh only good things survivors now with good health and happiness to everyone zaikazu