Hechaltzu chptr 15b- Is your Hachnosas Orchim about the guest or yourself? Rabbi Chaim Dalfin

Good day. We're learning the mime of the rashab 1898 famous mimer all about ais and we're middle of chapter 15 but the rashab is talking about kina envy jealousy. In chapter 14 he told us how that's such a bad mida and it leads to hatred etc. Here in 15 he says that although there are there is a good ele a good detail to jealousy but nevertheless in our situation which we're going to learn today about it's not good. But he spent the first half of chapter 15 explaining a basic concept that we've heard and know about. the jealousy amongst the scribes, the scholars that adds wisdom of Hashem and uh this is this is something that is encouraged in the Jewish world in the in the Tyra world. that Rashab says yes very good because that that's genuine you're not jealous of the person you're jealous of the act that the person does that leads him to be whatever he is so that's good competition to grow a yiddish kite but when you're jealous of the person that's a problem and in this vein he continues today talking about on page 124. It continues talking about the the breakdown that comes from the the jealousy of the person even if you the one who's jealous is anem and again the reason he's going to speak about this is because this was addressed to inab and the were serious. These weren't people who were interested in you know just gashmas or gashmas material matter more affluence. These were that were domining and learning and nevertheless they displayed elements of jealousy and hatred and baseless hate and all of that. So the now has to tackle the individual who is anem. So now we're moving over now I want to make that's why I wanted to repeat the last few lines. We're moving over now to his analysis of thee. So now moa what we're doing is we're the rashab is going to look at the goody goody the a student in your class who was always whatever the teacher said. Yes. Yes. Yes. So here you would think such a person is perfect is complete that hashab says well if it leads to fighting in shu and hating people that are in shu because of whatever your excuse is there's something wrong with your avoid. Let's go to the text. If truthfully speaking, you don't want to be from those that are pious and those that are pure. You yourself are not looking to be very holy. Okay. But you can't stand the fact that the other person is is being is displaying that level of holiness because deep down in yourself, you know, look look, I know who I am. I know where I'm at and I'm not ready for this higher greater pious pure level. But when I see my fellow in shu >> who's acting that way that bothers me. Why does it bother me? Because I feel that he's not really at that level. Let's continue inside. Because he acts this way. His friend, he hates him. Says very harsh words. This is a a very harsh and bad thing very very much. So this is is is kind of disgusting. It's disgusting that you can't tolerate someone else who's dvening and learning with such a and such and it it eats you up. says if it eats you up IT SHOWS THERE'S SOMETHING VERY VERY WRONG WITH your own service of God's smiling I see such a smile >> I'm I'm just smiling because I'm thinking of one particular person >> sometimes I in shaw and >> you know it's just you're standing there in shaw you're trying to dab and the it's this young guy and he's you know, he's doing the I'm sorry. You know, he's doing this the same thing he's been doing for the last 10 years and you you're just like, you know, you I I think I said this before Capune said this once. He said that in in the yeshiva maybe it was in like I don't know where where it was yeshiva some guy came in he was doing that and somebody took a mikvah a wet mikvah towel and threw it on his head in the middle of the guy's anyway enough said that's right right but so so so the rashab is saying that you and I when we look at such a person that's what he's saying if the person is legit, okay, he doesn't say that if the person is legit then it's our problem then it shows something wrong with us. If he's a faker and not legit and he's just doing it to show off and you know everyone should look at him then the he deserves to get a wet towel thrown at him. Okay. Now the the question then becomes masha who is in a position to say about someone else they are legit or not legit but that's a different story. I told you THAT STORY WITH THE ZOO. He was invited to fabang in ke many years ago and he was this you know who was completely you know into ding. He was a and he hated external type of show showing of your of your religiosity like you described. And so the RV they were ding my right before the night and the RV the RV it was a liter I guess in but the sh had a lot of the so they and the rv is doing seems like what you just described shuckling all over him you know and all that and all of a sudden boom a herring ing hits his nose a wet herring. The ro just wipes it away continues and after he after ding he goes over and he says do you happen to know how I got a herring thrown at my they point to the guest the guest that came to they point he threw it at you. So he goes over the goes over to the and says like you know with this fear I'm very sorry I upset you please forgive me for upsetting you taking the blame looks him in the eye and HE SAYS YOU OUGHT TO BE SORRY TONIGHT'S TONIGHT'S ABOUT anyone that displays their their religiosity ity deserves to be thrown a wet herring into their face. Now, you know, it's a very very I I wrote up the story in one of my books and the son of a of a a big miter rasha who was a real special Jew who's been reading some of my books from Lakewood. He lives in Lakewood. He called me up. He calls you up once in a while and he says this story threw me for a loop. It's like cover that you know and I had to explain to him that this didn't do this every time but it was night the energy is for this was he didn't know he's coming to a place where has he did and ALL OF A SUDDEN THE FRONT OF HIS FACE OH YEAH AND HE added he added and if you want to dive in that way cuz that's your style of dinging. Go to a CORNER OR GO TO THE OTHER SIDE. WHY MUST YOU DING IN FRONT OF MY FACE THAT WAY? It's like why must I see a jut you discus lift? And I told him I told this the the rabbi the the the the lake with rov rabbi who called me about this who you know we have a dialogue and and I said I'm not saying that he's right. that what even though I wrote the story I'm not saying he's right I'm not saying that you know that HE IS A SADIC AND AND IT'S PURE PURE PURE I'M NOT SAYING that I'm saying you got to look at the whole the environment it's init of you know you have to put it and you HAVE TO KNOW WHO DID it if you I said to him if you knew if YOU KNEW MORE ABOUT THIS YOU WOULDN'T question me because he was so genuine. Did he have a WILD SIDE TO HIM? ABSOLUTELY. He was like Mashia in Neville. He was a in Neville. Neville were sharpid. And he wasn't a Mashia in the Kabad yeshiva. He was a Mashia in in in the community in the you know in Neville. But Raendel gravitated to him because Raendel also has that you know fiery passionate wild side to him. So he really related and identified with his his connection. He was a big musher to the Reb. There's a lot of stories about that. Anyway, going back here, in other words, Misha, what I want to say is that what Uri Capun told you, what I'm telling you, you know, it's not for any uh to throw herrings or wet towels. I I want I want I want I want on the record that I I I said this, you know, and it you know you know if you're a you know you know IT COULD BE THE GUY WHO THREW THE WET TOWEL THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WAS A NOBODY. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? AND HE DID IT JUST CUZ HE just is angry or he just wants to make a show. It could be that too. you know the story that I'm sharing knowing a little bit from what I heard from Mendel and others about this hassid you know he seems to be more LEGIT BUT EVEN THAT EVEN THAT I'm going to make a disclaimer I wasn't there and I don't know you know you know you're not there but it sounds like it but even so even if it is before a person decides that he is the one to to to legitimately you know poo poo who a litak who's domining that way and showing off think twice think twice you know so going back to this text over here the reb is saying that if the person is dvening with sincerity and you CAN'T TOLERATE THAT YOU'RE NOT DOING THAT and he is and therefore you can't stand it shows that you have something really wrong inside there's something really wrong with one of with your midas. There's a mid of kina that is devastating resonating in your heart and therefore know it and get rid of it. Let's continue and therefore he hates those specifically who serve God. So what does he do? This fellow look interesting by Shabbay is what he does. He attaches himself to the simple people. Now look what the Rashab is saying. A lot of psychology here. He says like this. These guys that are the holier than thou, right? They're bluffers. You know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna I'm gonna connect with the simple people in SH because they're not threatening to me. You hear that? They're not threatening to me. This is deep psychology because it's so true. There are people that are threatened by people who are outstanding. So to them, they display jealousy and hatred. And the way they reconcile and uh compensate, excuse me, the way they compensate for their attitude is they start hanging around with simple people and they say ah the simple person who can barely read and all that and doesn't know much and all that he's the real McCoy. So the Rashab IS GOING TO SAY THAT THAT'S ALL A ploy that he did he REALLY DOESN'T CARE FOR THEM EITHER. His hatred SO IS SO MUCH TOWARDS THE AID HASHEM and the learned one that he compensates it and justifies IT BY SAYING BUT I REALLY LOVE THE OTHERS BUT THE TRUTH IS YOU'RE A FAKER YOU'RE A BLUFFER YOU DON'T LOVE THE THE SIMPLE people either you need to have companionship and therefore an acceptance so you WANT SOMEONE TO COME TO YOUR FUNERAL CUZ THE GUY THAT YOU HATE AIN'T GOING TO COME TO YOUR funeral or your bar mitzvah for your kid or YOU'RE WAITING FOR YOUR SON. BUT THE simple person who doesn't know any better will come. But from your perspective, you're not genuine. That's what he's saying over here. Let's continue inside. And the person can fool himself. He can convince himself. You know why I like the simple people? Because I'm a humble guy. I'm also humble. So, you know, you come to a shul and there's kakers, there's machers, right? Big shots. I'm not going to identif and and and and some of them are very f and very learned and very but I'm not going to identify with them because they're not they're fakers. But but I'm humble. So therefore, I want to hang around humble people. So I'm going to speak to the people and join the people that are humble. Says that and this is a fake on your part. That's why you love simple people. But in truth, it's coming. This is the reverse psychology. This is coming from your your ultimate EGO. IT'S ALL AN EGO TRIP. IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU. YOUR ACCEPTANCE, you feeling good, you wanting to be recognized, and at the end of the day, you want PEOPLE AT YOUR WEDDING, AT YOUR BAR MITZVAH, KIDS BY MITZVAH, AND ULTIMATELY AT YOUR FUNERAL, RIGHT? SO, so you'll do everything to make that happen. NOW, YOU CAN'T GET IT WITH THE MAKERS AND because you hate them because because they're in your opinion, they're bluffers. Therefore, you have A AND YOU'RE JEALOUS OF what they know and what they have. So, you ride them off. Who do you go to? You go to the simple fellow. The simple fellow, but you're not genuine. You don't really like the simple person cuz he's simple and sincere. You like him because he meets a need of yours, a very important need. So again, it's all about you. That's the meaning that it's the Reb says the words. IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR YESESH, your ego. since the since he prides himself on being among the who serve Hashem. In other words, you consider yourself I am a very religious person. I'M A HASHEM. So I identify with the small people, with the humble people, the the ones that are asentatious. Wait, I don't want to have anything to do with them. But the the small people, yeah, and and you should know this is not some this is not something that's common, but but if you pay attention, you'll see this as well. I I I've I've I've come across it sometimes in myself and sometimes others but there is that sensation where we convince ourselves that we are the humble ones. We are the Hashem and therefore we look for people who are similar. But the if you're looking for people who are similar TO SUPPORT YOU, THAT'S YES. That's yes. if you genuinely care about them and whether it it it meets your standard or not. I give you an example that those have spoken about many times in our classes. You invite people shabas to your table. This is the week paras. This is the week of who do you invite to your table? Many times, most times we invite people that we and our family are comfortable with. We don't invite people that we and our family are not comfortable with. That's that's that's my experience. I know your experience. That's my experience. So ultimately that's not the ultimate. I'm not talking about people who are dangerous and we have to be concerned about that today or people who are coming. You have boys and it's a a woman or a man and they they have their mind on the girl or the boy. I've had that at my table. I want to tell you I'm I'm talking from experience. Okay. But nothing has been done. But after Shabas, I get the I get the email or the WhatsApp or the call. Um would would it be all right to meet your your your daughter? And my wife tells over a story. You mentioned Kaplon from from his gusting grounds of Melbourne in Australia where where my wife's family they had an open home you anyone and it was known throughout the community and they had some very very difficult people on many levels from from smell to legitimacy. Okay. And there was no such a thing that the door was closed. But one time you know sometime someone came and he was a friend of one of her brothers and ultimately there was a girl there also who was a a guest. He married her you know he he went after her. It was 25 year difference in their age. He talking about the 1970s. You know it wasn't usual in the 70s to marry someone 25 years younger. But he had I'm just saying and and I I don't I think it ended in a divorce. So what triggered this in because he says here the right but the truth is anyone anyone I how you going to deal with it? Okay. So, that's the exception to the rule. If it's going to hurt another person, then you might be legitimately it's illegitimate not to invite them, right? But even even if it's not that, we we we get comfortable and we invite people that support us. So, that type of is about me. It's not 100% It's they're going to get a mitzvah. But there's a higher level. I told you in Los Angeles, I remember ready. He had an open house and all the people that were strange and difficult in LA in the community were sharpest afternoon at his table. That to me is it's real genuine. It's a very hard thing to do. Let's continue. Therefore, this person who is a servant of God, his hatred is focused entirely to those who have some level or rung of of of godliness. the lake for this challenges his yeseshes because he also desires to advance in a but feels threatened because he has had sufficiently developed himself. He has not de developed himself. But why does he gravitate to simple people who are not in a certain rung at a certain status so they don't threaten him therefore he loves them because one should love his fellow Jewish now the speaks about someone who is even more coarse and and has more. It could be that is love to the simple people. Okay. So really what I told you about before I would put into this category now that he says now his ego will become bigger THROUGH THE SIMPLE PEOPLE. ENOUGH. OH, they say you see the simple per you see look how HE GIVES US RESPECT. IN OTHER WORDS, the the this fellow who is GIVING RESPECT TO THE SIMPLE PEOPLE. So they'll say, "Wow, you're recogniz recognizes us and you're recognizing us." So therefore they they SHOWER HIM WITH WITH RESPECT THAT BUILDS his ego and therefore they accept and they make precious his words. So the Reb says this is all a ploy of his Yeshu. So it's very interesting as we learn this how he he goes deep into the psychology of human condition of of of looking at another person or dealing with another person where it could be you hear this could be that all of his kindness and his it's all about him and therefore he cleverly CHOOSES WHO TO HANG out with BECAUSE HE KNOWS THEY WILL RECIPROCATE AND GIVE HIM THE HONOR and pleasure and and say, "Oh, wow. You're a real aem. You like us SO MUCH. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE THAT RECOGNIZES US." And it's completely because of his Yeshua. The first part of this chapter we spoke about the virtue of jealousy from a holy perspective that is competition of learning and doing more mitzvah all that then we speak about yes ego causes hatred to someone to hatred to those who are truly quality people, the lootim. And it could be that he will his hatred towards those that are special, very special in their service will be substituted by his love for the simple people. But it's really all about himself. And finally, he says that explains the reason for these things. Sora, we will continue. Mashem the um mimer on Monday. Mr. Shem, >> can I? >> Yes. >> I just want to say I'm I'm going to America on Sunday. So I won't be with you guys for about a month. Mr. Shem, I will be back in a month. >> Wait. Thank you. F first of all, have a safe trip. Second of all, you could learn from the thoughts of the morning from Baltimore. >> Yeah, but not but dominating starts at 8:00. >> Oh, you can't go in another minion. >> That's the Ravagari school I go to. It starts 8 o'clock. So, >> whatever. Whatever. I'm just joking. Whatever. >> I want to thank Mosha for calling me a young man. Thank you very much. Anyway, you should only go for simas because you're going ultimately for your son's wedding and should only be sim and we're all with you and uh you know only good things only and Hashem should continue blessing you and your wife and children and family only with good to everyone. Have a great Shabbas. See you everyone Monday. Take care. Byebye. Good chabas. >> Good chabas.