Hechaltzu chptr 13b- is what you're doing genuine? Kapote, Rabbeinu Tams, Beard- RC Dalfin

So we're middle of chapter 13 and in this pic alterba talks about sorry the rebashab who's the author of this mimer talks about the virtue of discipline as a as an asoid usually you talk about when you serve hashem it should be you guys have heard it thousands of times why why is that because if If you want to if you WANT TO DO SOMETHING, YOU HAVE TO BE EXCITED. You have to have joy. Imagine you come into a shoe and you see someone ding and his face is all we the word in Yiddish is fakmur means the whole world is on his shoulders. EVERYTHING'S ON HIS SHOULDERS. WHAT'S HAPPENING GAZA? WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH MANI? WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH LEBAVICH? What's happening with this? What's happening with that? And like, hey, can't you be happy for A FEW MINUTES? ENJOY THE MOMENT. So avoid overall the the the notion of sima very much enhances avoid hashem in this chapter that hashab says there's another way of serving hashem just as important through accountability discipline frustration gura. So now the question is how is that? And the answer is if it's your own stickick and you tak you know it's like you feel you're carrying the world on your shoulders then go back to sleep. Try start all over again. You woke up on the wrong side. But if it's part of a hashem, then you're doing it because God wants you to do it. It's it's Hashem's way which he wants right now. So for example, we're coming from the is not it's now doesn't mean you shouldn't shake someone's hand in a shoe and say or smile to them. what it means on yourself. CHECK YOURSELF OUT. HEY, are you overeating? Are you oversleeping? Are you are you gossiping? YOU KNOW, COME DOWN ON YOURSELF where you want to improve. So, y in in a hashem is about God wanting y, not you wanting. If it's you wanting, go try go back. Hashem doesn't want you your because usually 99% of the time I would say your ya messes you up. You become angry, despondent and you know messed up. Yeah, that's what happens. You know when you're in the of Simha, for example, can you overdo Simka? You know some I'm sure we all meet sometimes a person who's very jolly and very this or very that usually outwardly it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't cause much problems and I use the word outwardly I don't want to go into this now because it's totally off the subject because I'm very suspicious of people who are too happy. And I think people that are too too happy, there's something wrong somewhere. And we have uh Hillil, our local so social worker, to probably uh hopefully back that up. From what I've seen, there's a problem, you know, and and some of those people use this this uh this facade of being too happy to cover up very deep issues that are need to be dealt with. But outwardly, so I'm not talking about that. But outwardly a guy makes a joke, a guy kibbitz, you know. Okay. But imagine a a guy who's who's who's angry. Just one angry just one anger causes a ruckus. It causes a bomb to explode. It causes like why you why are you angry? you know, so it's it's much harder, I think, to use as an avoid. And that's what the Rashab is getting at here, that in order to use as an avoid, you need to really refine the Y. How do you refine the Y? How do you refine the Y? So he says, now we're at a point, we're middle of chapter 13. He says, "When you think about how awesome and go and and and great Hashem is to the point where everything you do is this is where we're at." And he's going to give a mush now. But before that, before you give a mush, you have to understand what's bothering him that he needs to give a mush. And that what's bothering me is how can you say that when I do something that's genuine in in in service of God in a way of discipline it's considered sinful. So he uses the word from the ter from from another Hebrew word used in lacking lacking. I want Moshe to hear this. Yesterday and Hill yesterday I shared a very important definition of the balatana that people gloss over. What does Rah mean bad ra? So the classical answer in all of Jewish literature from the Gmorra toidas to Kabala evil. There's good and there's evil. Alter in chapter six of Tanya quotes the zadesh and he says that means anything that is not godly. You hear the difference? There's a difference between being bad and evil versus non-godly. AND ALTERB SAYS THAT'S REALLY WHAT MEANS. So therefore take one second. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. >> I'm sorry. I just I have to ask when we say non-godly, but everything >> Wait, wait. You didn't let me finish. OKAY, DON'T JUMP THE GUN. I'm I'm going to explain. I know it needs explanation. That's why I'm a teacher. Anyway, so neutrality like every like Moa started to say and I cut him off everything. Misha I think was gonna say everything is non-godly but the way the world the Jewish world >> the opposite everything is godly >> everything is godly really your car is godly >> well yeah it's made from people made it's made from metal metal comes from the earth it's there's plastic I mean it everything is >> it's not holy >> I are let me ask you do YOU HAVE TO DO you have to bury a car Now you you you said no holy kadusha maybe that that's something else. >> So that's that's what the alterb is saying. Okay let me kadusha the alterb is saying that the the definition of of ra is that it is not kadusha it is not holy. I use the word it is not godly. It is not holy. It's neutrality. Now neutrality something that's neutral the way the world looks at it IS EITHER GOOD OR BAD. And alter chapter 6 says no no no no there's another category it's called neutrality and it's up to you to shle it into the domain of good or the domain of bad. I.e. your car that I just mentioned it's neutrality mush. It's not holiness. And the proof is you DON'T HAVE TO BURY IT after it finish its life cycle, right? Or whatever else we're using. In other words, there's a domain called neutrality. It's not holy and it's not so it's not kosh, it's not kadusha and it's not godly. Godly in the sense of kadusha. Maybe that's what's bothering you. When I say non-godly, it's not kadusha. Anything that is not kadusha is non-godly. It's neutrality. And what we need to do is and we have the free will. That's the whole idea of to either elevate it to kadusha or it descends to kipa. It descends to a domain of negativity because the way of the world is that if you don't elevate you fall st being stagnant is only temporary. You will fall. >> Yes. >> Okay. But we see Okay. But we see also especially in this morning's >> Yes. >> Right. We're hearing we're learning about right and and you know and to etc. So when we say either it's it's uplifted or it falls and you said the sensipa. So again, which kipas no it's really neutral or one of the three >> it fall it it is it it it is kipas no and it if not elevated it falls into kipa but it is kipas no it is the translucent kipa which means it is already it's kipa it's not kadusha But do you would you define something that's as neutral? >> Yes. Delta says it's not my definition. Delta says it in Tanya. >> Right. And you're asking why why does he say that? It's because he's comparing it to Kadusha. Kadusha. But so I want to go back. We're getting I'm going to go back there. So says here something when you when when when thee thinks about oh I ded and I learned and I gave to and I'm doing I'm doing great things it's it pales in comparison to the awesomeness and of of Hashem the exaltedness of Hashem and therefore it's lacking okay when we talk about I told you the story you know of the the rimmanov the great sadic rimanov and forget the other two and it was by time and one sees the other running towards him as he's coming away from the pond and he says where are you running it was a student he says rebi teacher I'm running to pick up your sins that you just threw into the the pond what's considered by the rebi by the teacher sin sins is considered by the student mitzvah. was considered by the stu by the by the by the student the mitzvah is considered by a by by the rebi and also by hashem lacking this concept is a is a truism in all of we see it with we see it with the so now that brings it back without saying all this he says it only two words it's considered a sin so turn now to um again the page over here that I have is um hold on I have page 103 but >> he he said uh that it might >> what page IS IT WHAT PAGE do you have >> 106 >> 106 okay and this is the saying the teaching of razal and he kneled to earth. Why did he kneel? Because he saw the attribute of truth. Who can stand before God's truthfulness? So out of humility, he kneels. It says elsewhere and he gives the reference. Skip the parenthesis. What? >> I'm sorry. Where are you? I'm lost. >> Um, I'm in the middle of chapter 13. After yesterday, we left off at the words I thought we were I thought we >> Where is that? >> A little bit before where you started. Where my is maybe I slept through the end of yesterday. >> Hold on. Hold on. You're right. No, you are right. I am wrong. Thank you. So, what page is that for everybody? >> That's 106. >> 106. Okay. For example, an awesome great kingdom, but not based on his greatness. You just serve him the way you think you should serve him. This is considered a slap in his face. When you say to serve hill, it has to be not based on your idea of service but based on the nead in Hebrew. You guys went to is nifal. What does nifal mean? The other person the survey if I whatever the word is in English. Okay. So you can't compare service towards a regular fellow, a simple fellow as compared TO THE SERVICE THAT that is required for a great king. But if you serve the melik in a in a in a similar way to serving just a SIMPLE PERSON, that's considered a sin. You've sinned. And it's like you rebelled against the king. So here IT IS. I'M SERVING HASHEM. FOOL. WHO ARE YOU SERVING? HASHEM. That's the way YOU SERVE HASHEM. THAT'S THE WAY YOU SAY RONALD. YOU SERVE Ronald Reagan. Hashem. So ask yourself this question. Am I serving Hashem or am I serving a mortal? And this says what you're doing by equating the service of a simpleton to the service that and serving a king that way. You're humiliating the honor of the king. That's the muscle. Here comes the niml. The moral will understand them in heavenly in heavenly terms based on the awesomeness and exaltedness of the infinite hashem. There is no the concept of searching and finding God is beyond. Next page. Even you hear what HE SAYS? HE'S NOT TALKING ABOUT you and I. >> Maybe you're you're all sadikim, but I'm not. So, so even the of pairs in comparison to God's awesomeness. Braz I gotta tell you a little joke. I just can't help myself. Arashiva from Alituh Shiva walks into a store to buy himself a new frock. This actually happened. I heard it from someone who was in the store at the same time. His wife comes is a is with him. He looks into the mirror and he asks her, "How does it look on me?" She says, "Okay." Puts on a second one. "How does it look on me?" He says, "Oh, this this looks good." He says, "Yes, the paro is for needs to be a nice one." You got it. think when one thinks of himself as a safer ta we're in big trouble you can be a rashiva you can be a big rebby you but GET OVER IT COMPARED TO HASHEM YOU'RE A nada okay you're a you're a void is a nada so humble yourself even though you're a big rasha and you have lots of talid and on and on and you should know that this concept you know there were many bak for that came from merit as well. Their parents live here. They come back for the young and I talked to them. You see the the difference really between learning inab rudimentary level. I'm not talking now about scholarship but this concept of humility is fundamental. I wouldn't say just butid theic etho theidic ethos of humility what we're learning here begins with this concept you understand when when when you don't put this as a focus and emphasis then you what happens is you automatically start believing yourself that you are some as we say Rashad is an acronym roola rashad. You might hear that, right? I MEAN, I I AM THE HEAD OF THE THE GO. I AM THE THE GREATEST RABBI OF THE GO. You know, I heard from a Jew. One second. I heard from a Jew who's already passed on. He he he was he was an older person. He told me he was at a uh at a a hespit here in Brooklyn in 19 I think 49 for some great rub a rabbi and some literature got up and he said SO AND SO PASSED on and he and he cries blah blah blah blah blah and he says and he's this rash is getting old and I'm already an old man and I'm an old man and I'm an old man I'm an old Yes, you >> I I was thinking as we were saying as we're talking about this in a parallel kind of realm where this idea kind of applies is when we think of about taking on certain habos to whether it's a specific lush or practice you know practices where where we think I'm going to do something additional or extra and because we're at a moment in our lives of like uh you So, we're inspired, but we have to also uh you know, when we get inspired, we can sometimes get grandiose and think think that we're think we're up for things in an ongoing way that that will be hard to support. right now that >> you know one thing in my own life when uh certain point I was learning uh the practices in of kamo and he was talking about Tom to villain you know and I really thought to myself I should be wearing the bra to villain so but but I wasn't sure I was holding that I could do it so I decided I marked the date and I said I'm going to contemplate ask myself each day when I take off my regular debil. Am I going to resent having to put on a se a second pair of tabilla? You know, am I I'm going to be up for it? I'm going to go through the whole cycle of a year. And at the end of the year, I was okay with taking it on. But I think that I've seen many people take on things that that they can't really support in their life. >> Right. And that's a very good point that that you bring up. Very very important. A that's why everyone should have a and more importantly a mashia and uh or a very good friend someone like I've told you many times when I was in yeshiva an 18 19 year old student my my my mashov blessed memory told me to get myself someone in the base medish who can give it to me over the head who will say it the way it is and not because he's my good friend he'll he keep his mouth shut but you know one second so Everyone needs to have a a a friend, a very good friend, a mashpia, maybe even a spouse. But you know the the the more distant they are, they could look at you more objectively and say, you know, I think you are ready or not ready. That's number one. Number two, number two, it is very very important as you say to to know yourself. Now I would say that that an exception to that rule is if you for example since you mentioned rams if a person considers themselves today notab of the and the rash but of the last reba right in 1976 he comes out right when I I was by mitzvah in 74 when I was by mitzvah I didn't put on film because we didn't raen we didn't put on rabenotans But in my time the custom was that you waited to 18 years old and then you would ask the rebba at am I do you feel that I'm spiritually ready to put on rams that was the way it was the standard in kabad in till 1976. So >> do you have an insight into how that changed or why the rebi changed that? Well, wait. I It's not an inside the Reb SAID IT BY FABRANK. It's published. You can read it and you should and learn it. >> I'm I'm aware of that. >> Yeah. And one second. One second. Ho. >> I never understood >> the the Reb said that since the world it's darker and darker, there's more, there's more, we need more light. And that that the Reb gave that as a reason to support his suggestion that all barits boys should consider putting on film from bar mitzvah because the kaduca of the rabbin will bring more light into the world. So if one is and today you all know every standard labavicha boy at bar mitzvah gets two parrot fillins and it cost YOU TODAY $4,000 INSTEAD of $2,000. It's amazing from what I paid for a parrot fillin in 1974. My grandfather show and bought me a pair of fillin, you know, $500, $400. Anyway, $300, A BEAUTIFUL LARGE PAIR OF FILLIN arer knows exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, so the reb came out. So you see that so that's where a lab or someone who values the Reb's opinion spiritual says hey I don't see it just like you know in a sense maybe you're saying here like you know darkness there's darkness always THERE WAS DOCTORS IN 1940 WHEN there was a holocaust why don't we put on film then very good question right so I heard from my mashia that part of the belief in that sadi if you believe that that's person's exotic is that he reveals to the world what the world needs at a certain time. So, so in 1940 as dark and as bad, IT NEEDED SOMETHING ELSE. IT didn't need to. So, the previous rabbi didn't say you should put on rams or for that matter the pisia who I saw this clip that I think you sent yesterday. I really thank you. Touched me so much. >> Sent it. Yeah, it was very beautiful. >> Oh, that's so beautiful. And by the way, IS THAT HOWARD Stern's father? >> I don't know who that is. >> His name is Ben Stern BECAUSE HOWARD HOW HOWARD STERN'S FATHER LIVED TO 99. AND THIS PERSON PASSED AWAY IN 2002. I IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE HE WOULD BE HOWARD STERN'S FATHER, but >> I don't know who that is. >> Oh, forget it. Forget it. Forget it. >> Ma's laughing. IS LIKE just forget it. Scrap that. You don't need to know. It's better you don't know. Anyway, so so the point the point the point is so I'm just I'm answering your point that when the Reba So the Reba saw something that we didn't see. So all of a sudden HE MAKES A SUGGESTION. BY THE WAY, THE didn't say you're not a laber if you don't do that. I want to make that clear. What if someone after 1976 doesn't buy his son two pairs of film? Is he not a lab? God forbid if he's kabatic is a kabatnik. He for some reason whether he doesn't have the funds or he thinks like you like you're suggesting maybe that my son will put him on and not and frankly seeing you know it's interesting you mentioned this cuz my own family I I see people sometimes who falter a little bit with their fill in and I asked myself why should why should he get two pairs of fill at $4,000 today if maybe he won't put them on when HE'S MATURE ENOUGH TO PUT A M BUY HIM A SECOND ONE. SO I I RELATE TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, you know, but we have to know that this is the concept of there's a certain point where you get to where Psalm 905 to and Alashemadic who is a a conduit to Hashem it is reveals. So most I would say go on the bandwagon. So I think that you know what you're sharing is is excellent and the same >> it came out it came out before you were 18 after you had been bar mitzvah. So what did you do? Did you take it on right away or did you >> you know I I I I don't remember. I imagine I did but I don't remember. I would have to I don't remember but I imagine I did. But you know the same issue comes up with the kapota with the long and for some with with with with with with and all of these things. Um it's a it's a it's a give and take. It really is because sometimes people get overly excited and they jump in and then they jump out. And that's one thing that the Reba and others cautioned. I don't know if if they is heard it from you know the Boston and others but this idea that >> Mosha you have Mosha from Burough Park. >> Yeah. >> Tell people who wanted to start putting on a strim. >> Yeah. >> He would say you want to put it on now and then you're going to see how people behave that wear it. You want to take it off and then what are you going to do? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. And and that's a that's such a good point. you know, if you're putting it on because you want to join the club and then you see that, you know, then don't put it on. In other words, it has to be this. And I and I think what you told us, Hillo, I'm I'm so appreciative that you said that that you tested yourself for a year. That's that's a substantial test. That's a substantial test. And again, you know, some some of us are not, you know, we're wired differently and and and and we've seen there are people that they have to belong and if they jump in, THEY BELONG, THEY GO, THEY go they go till the end of their life that way. But then there are others that start falling. The Reb passed on a there's a big controversy. We spoke about this the is maybe we spoke about osandir about the a in kites too and with the in Brooklyn was against the adv and right so I'm in touch with one of the leaders for the adv and he's a fine fine gentleman a f gentleman a scholarly and bodaka I'm in touch with them so he he mentions certain people who says they're for the I said what their father are is adamantly against he said he knows But what happens is when they see their kids and grandkids carrying a shabas, they put a zip on their mouth and all the sudden they shut up. Okay. I I I understand it. So, you know, the rams and and with the and the capotas and the gartik and the and the pis, you know, there are people that they need that. I told you I saw that in Marin County by my own congregants. I saw it. I lived it. They needed that to feel part. And guess what? They grew and they're still from today. They're really Bali chuva, you know, ka kavod. But in the beginning they needed that identification. Then there are others who don't need that and in fact resent it or and and and it's just a matter of time and some of the times we do it because of a spouse, a husband or a wife, you know, or a community. So it's it's it's a balance. You should know that the Reba was very careful and I don't I don't know if he I don't know if he ever but seldom did he tell someone to put on a long record. You know that seldom if ever I never heard of a story on the contrary when someone came to him months later and put on a maybe he made a certain comment it's very nice to see you in a you know stuff like that but in kabad you know kabad kabatnik in Russia weren't they weren't wearing the he wore a ket like Hill's wearing something like Hill's wearing and and a little longer of a jacket like some of the old war in in in Hungary and that was it. The the the the long record was dedicated, you know, to who? To their fathers and grandfathers who were, you know, real, but they were, you know, they were regular. They looked at themselves as, you know, regular and they didn't feel they are at a level where they should put on long. That's why there's still some today. Look, Rabiel Rabiel KHAN WHO WAS THE OF the Mr. Mr. Lab as far as putting the Reb's to into the world and teaching it and all that. He wore during the week a short recckle, not a long record. And I once brought him to I was once we were once doing an event in my for the yeshiva, the bad yeshiva my asked him to come as the guest and he so I he so I took him. So I drove up this house and he comes out in a short in his weekday uh weekday and then he comes sits down. He says one second. He goes back upstairs and he comes back with his long his shabas kaput and he said to me because he knew I was questioning what's going on. He said you know because they it's an event where other are coming and they and and and they'll be dressed with their long uh rec. It's more respectful I should go that way you know. So there's a time and place where conforming is holy and there's a time and place where it's fake. It's fake and only you and your mashia and your good friend and your rub and your spouse only you guys can decide. We didn't get to learn the rest today. We'll learn it tomorrow. But this was a very very important discussion not just for now but forever and um other people should listen to this because it'll it'll help them long term. this this thing Hill what you brought up I don't know if you realized at the time but it it's a very very important issue um you know it's a very important issue and I would say today I want to just one one vote it's not only today an issue with Balichua and you know us older people it's it's it's it's an issue for the new generation of kids who went to the yeshivas it's it's an issue because you know they falter sometimes and they go up and they go down. So, you know, here here you have to ask yourself, let's see the beard. The beard. Okay, we have pretty much full beard beards, right? No, a lot of the young people today, you all know, they they trim their beard or they take their beard off and things like that. So, a labicha fa father or a bust in a father wants his kid to have a beard. I mean, that's that's the tradition that he he's supporting. So, how do you deal with that? You know, h how do you how do you deal with these things? You know, in kabad, my father taught me three things makes you three things. A beard, going to a yeshiva, and identifying with in this case. Those the three Rs that my FATHER TAUGHT ME. NO. AND I'M SORRY. SORRY. NOT AND TAKING A SHORT HAIRCUT. My father was into that from yeshiva. In other words, not leaving a lot of hair, especially not frontal hair, what we call a chup, you know, the make yourself nice. My father was adamant. We got a haircut. And my mother was, you know, grew up in Costa Rica and she was a came to Radio City, which I've told you about in the past. And, you know, she's more of a modern girl. And here, her little son, but me, I HAD CURLS. I HAVE I had beautiful red curls. And my father took them off completely. He was like and you know it was very upsetting in a sense. My father said you know we made an agreement the belongs to me and uh the other STUFF IS YOURS THE TELEVISION AND WHATEVER else is yours. So we have an agreement. So I'm saying the beard in lab in kabad was an ikar. It was an iikar you know. Now the question is now now what what do you do today when lots of there's young labages that are taking their beard off or trimming it off or playing with it and all that you know how do you how do you deal with these things and the and I think that there's it's important to to discuss these things too to discuss these things and to to have an understanding and you know and that you you don't become ice labavaturer you don't become not a laber BECAUSE YOU TOOK YOUR beard off it It it's it's something to talk about, you know, why you're doing it. You know what I'm saying? Can we have an open discussion? That that's healthy. But it's not that because you don't want you don't want to alienate the person to the point where your son, your grandson, etc. your friend's son, where they'll say, "Ah, you're a fanatic. I don't want anything to do with it with you." What have you gained? WHAT WHAT HAVE YOU GAINED? NOTHING. KEEP THE DIALOGUE OPEN. My granddaughter's learned is is in in the Golden Goolan Heights in Kabad school out there. Right. The other day she she writes me a note on WhatsApp. Zadei, she says, "Can you translate a letter in the Reb's Igor Codes?" I WOULD NEVER THOUGHT SHE WOULD HAVE, YOU KNOW, but we I keep the doors open, you know. Let's dialogue, let's talk, you know. Right now, she's not dressing in accordance with it levels that I would like. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hey, we're going to get there, you know, we'll work on it. And and and that's the way the world is today. So, this issue I'm I'm very thankful. Very thankful. Anyone else want to say anything or uh I wanted to say that just an encapsulation like in my mind I say there's a there's a a huge difference between somebody who looks like a cusset and somebody who acts like a cusset. You can look at Hill and me on the Zoom here. I'm dressed like one, but he'll act like one. When he said that, he put for himself. No, this is m true. That you put for a for a year that you thought about in a voda. Mama, that is real casidus. Yeah, >> that's the real deal. >> That's right. I I I'm a I'm I'm embarrassed to say that too many people throughout all the the the world ofidus they they look they look at Kamoro their outside is not like they're inside. >> Yeah. Yeah. That's why that's why when I when I heard it from Hill I I was blown away cuz that's like you say real aa that that's really you know looking at yourself you know. So, uh, you opened up not a can of worms, you opened up a Gavald Gazak this morning, Hill, thank you very much. Have a great day, everyone. >> Yeah. Let me just say it's because I have had too much painful history in my life of jumping into things without giving it enough thought that I have learned from painful personal experience. >> Okay. Okay. But so that that's that's good. That's good. You learn from experience. That's good. Have a great day everyone. See you one tomorrow. Take care. Great share. Bye-bye.