Hechaltzu chptr 11- Don't nitpick other ppl faults rather give corrective advice - RC Dalfin

Maxim everyone it's um we're learning we're learning uh the uh cont the mimersu 5659 um 1899 and it's appropriate that we're learning it this uh this week because it's u and there's no better way to do chuva than to have And this mime is all about not only love for another Jew, but complete unity where we aren't two that become one. We're to begin with all one. This is a concept that Yalba initiated in chapter 32 in Tanya what I just told you and um it has its it has its roots in Kazal of course not only in Kabala but also in in in Kimura and elsewhere etc medish and it's a very important one the standard example given is like we're all one limbs of one body. So it's not a separation. It's one body. A body needs to have limbs. When you talk about regular there's there's and there's there's two things and you shall love your your your friend the other like yourself. That's two that become that remain two. It's the that the two that there are should be should have obvious that is something greater and deeper. The aus is a lot deeper that the love is so great there aren't there isn't two there's only one but there's one that splits itself into two it's a very very different uh perspective and ultimately this is what the rashab is calling for in this mime of when you look at at at at others as others Then there are issues and sometimes you work them out sometimes you don't and many times you become very discouraged and very upset and to the point of hate as he says over here but if to begin with you understand that it's a quote in Tanya chapter 32 we have all one father and we are we are part of that one father then our perspective of differences and disag agreements doesn't lead to hatred. It leads to a respectful disagreement. the theim in in the sages in in in the in the Gur in the Mishna are always disagreeing with each other and yet they were they were best friends kind of of course barring the event of the which unfortunately they got punished for they died you see that they were wrong you see clearly that that act of the a as justified as it could be that each one was coming from their perspective that their rebi wants only kindness or their rebi wants only strictness like Isa said before you know that his the told him you know the same t that supports supports kus right but if you don't see that way you get very animated with your shita and your approach and everyone else is junk and garbage and I don't like you right and I throw you out and that what what did that a plague. There's no, you know, take the facts on the ground as it's recorded in the medish and the Gor and we celebrate it till today 2,000 years later we're we're celebrating one of the reasons for is because the Ma stopped the raika stopped dying. So that's not it's not and it's not mus. So every and everyone who disrespect only follows the gum that's the gum. So what's the point that the needs to be from the perspective you can have your and you can have your no problem. There's there's room for everything. But as long as you understand that there's room for the other way, too. And that that's what what Israel was contacted me about. I spoke about the controversy in Crown Heights, you know, and I wasn't taking sides cuz who am I to take sides? I I'm not a Bucky native, you know, that you have to be a Bucky in the Halas. But just the general idea of of of people getting so worked up and not giving a platform for another shittita even if that platform is that it's against our way we pos a riv but it doesn't belong here. I can understand that but give them you know call them into your office have a discussion record it and and then It's it's men. So this is what the wants here. And that and then they're fighting about you know this and that and this and that and this meaning and that meaning and should we say should we not say or should we say and everyone is and then when it comes to drinking from a cup barring it's not a health issue. Okay. And there's no other cup. Drink from No, I don't want to drink from your cup. You are such a low life. I'm not going to drink from your cup. In other words, he didn't drink from the other's cup. Not because of concern of health, which I can hear that wasn't the issue. It's that whose cup is it? It's your cup and from you I'm not going to drink. Understand? That's the issue. And and and and many times we disguise the real truth why something bothers us with, you know, medical reasons and health reasons and this reasons and it's all baloney. Bologoney times five. It's bubbises. You just don't like the guy. You don't like him. And you don't like him. You don't want to be around him and you don't have anything to do with him. You don't want to drink from his cup. That's what the rashab is intimating. underneath these words and lines that he presents here in the mimer. That's what he's getting at. And it's so interesting to me that I think I said this, but it's worth repeating. Such a holy day. Every hour is is gems. The Reb, the same Reb said the 48 hours of of one can fetch, one can gather pales of of ofus 48 hours, every dance, every clap, every smile, every s minute of is loaded with with gems with with kaduca, with spirituality ta etc. And on this very day he takes time and this is a very long mimer. It must have taken him probably two hours to say it. Okay. He takes two hours to say aid which he he said many times very long myim as you will look in his my you'll see. But here he spends it so he spends so much of it on this kind of very practical muser. It it's so out of style for a kabad mimer. You guys know you learn you've been learning my mimm for for years you know and it's and for for some it's so hard to get into because it's so esoteric and so philosophical and what do I what brier where is got to tell you got to tell you something someone wrote to me and I put it into one of the books I'm working on this was in 1941 or 42 in 770. So there was uh there were two classes, the older boys and the younger boys. Younger boys were 10, 11, 12 years old. The older one was 12, 13. And the rabbi, the teacher was um someone who was sent in 39, August of 39 with five other bakarim to study in the freed in Poland which is um south over there 20 minutes outside of 20 minutes outside of Warsaw. His name was Rabbi Khaladni and he was a substitute when I was in yeshiva on the Baba Ghiva. He was a substitute. So I personally knew him and learned from him. Anyway, he was the rebi of this kita. Okay. The you know the war broke out. Yeah. Yes. Yes. >> That's what I was going to ask. You said August of 39 and I thought >> Yeah. Yeah. They were there. They were there two weeks and they turned around and miraculously they got home. Okay. The whole journey has been recorded. It's it's a it was great miracle but they all made it back. Yeah. So they they were there two weeks and they had and and the war broke out. Anyway, so he was the rebi of this of this kita. Rabbi Groner, the rebar of a label. Groner was in this kita was in this class. Rabbi Solomon Pner of Nashville, Tennessee, the the the rabbi of the oru over there, the kabad rabbi um in that sh and and others were boys. They were the boys in the class. Rabbi Gerari, the the previous Reb's older brother-in-law, the son-in-law, Rabbi Schmario Gari, he was in charge of the yeshivas. So he comes in to this class with Rabbi Schmittton. He was an elder. He was born in 1883. He was even older than Gerari. and they came into the classroom and he hears the way rabbi is teaching or you knowidis an idea of I don't know if it was from the text I don't think so to these boys these were American boys you know had their parents some of them were most were notim and even if they wereim but it was a different no one was teaching 10 11 year old boysidis in those days you know if you saw your father go to a rabbi and he slept you a wrong. You would ask, "Where am I going? I'm going to the Reb. What's a Reba?" And your father would tell you a few words. You know what I'm saying? But it was a a a new concept in America. Very new. Very new. Even though there was a few rebases here there, but it was it wasn't a mainstay of of Judaism in Orthodox world in in in in New York and America at the time. Anyway, so um so they come into the classroom and they hear the way Rabbi Kadni is teaching them some in English. Now they learned in Yiddish. They the language they learned the Gmorra and the Kumish was in Yiddish. For whatever reason, I guess it was easier for him to explain some basic ideas and to these boys in English. And Rabbi Gerari, you know, was taken aback, you know, he knows that in in the newly founded Babage Yeshiva 1941, it was founded in 1940. So this is 4142. He assumed they would be, you know, just like the Gmorra and the Kum is in Yiddish would be in Yiddish. And here he's speaking to them in English. So he says to Rabi, "Rabbi Kaladni, how would you translate into English and and he made that comment as a jab, you know, in other words, get over it, you know, talk the language of Yiddish and like, you know, so >> how would you Wait, wait, you got it. So, you're as smart as was right there with him and he was a very sharpid. He immediately said that to Rabbi Gerari. He said, "Rabbi Gerari, and how would you translate listen to Yiddish?" And that was the And and that was the and that was the end of it. But so I I just mentioned how you know um the would say about and this and that you know flying in the heavens and and creation right and in this mimer a large part of it maybe most of it is is avoid and not only avoid it's like muser in a sense it's like you know psychology and muser very down to earth. And when does he say it? On the holiest day, one of the holiest days of the year, taking away hours of time from dancing and then and saying and whatever else, right? Because it's so important. It's like you know what he said before is about the koulas. It this message this is living. This is not learning. This is living. You can learn and know so much so much, but you don't live it. This is living. So, this is what we're getting at over here. Let's go now to chapter 11 page right. We're on chapter 11. Is that correct? >> Yeah. I just want to throw in another comment from Rebi. Yes. It says is a verb. >> Casinus is a verb. Good. But you got to be careful when you say that. You have to be careful because some take it today like you know there is no um significance and and and that's not true. There is a lot of significance but the way it's been applied today in in is has it's it's lost some at times it's it's lo its authenticity of being so yeah you know it becomes a verb it becomes a verb but it's it's a big noun I think you guys know from learning regardless of whatus you belong do that the teachings ofidis is a noun. This is not verbs. This is deep stuff. You know uh you know you know what do you want to say sir? Oh okay. You want to say something? >> Did you hear what I said? >> I I didn't hear. Okay. You're frozen it looks like. Let's go on. Okay. >> What? It only stays in your head that it's not facitious. >> Right. Yeah. Right. That's right. That's 100% right. But you know without without it being without studying it without studying it in other words that's what I that's what I that's that was my only comment to you is in other words it's not to throw away the studying of it and the immersing yourself into this abundance and everything else but the the application is what's most important. You're right. Of course. Okay. We're on the same page on that I believe. Let's go page uh let's go. When it comes to these great servants of God don't seem to be able to join and mix together and be together because he doesn't consider his the other person's his service to be significant and he doesn't consider him to be a servant of And what he does is he poo poos. He makes cheap the other person's and therefore he despises and he humiliates the other person's good. is and if he finds just a little deficiency even in in the externalities of the other person which isn't really relevant to the the essential service he blows it up. Do you know this this servant this guy was dabbling and learning? I saw this little thing. Oh, he's a faker. He's a phony fraud. Like Bob Brandt would always say, fake phony fraud. And he elaborates on it. He makes a big ch out of it. He talks about it to everyone. You know this guy, you think he's such a big special servant to learn? Uh let me tell you about that he picks he picks a little detail right and in that detail he's weak and he makes him that the and he says if so this guy's a faker and and and and doing this he embarrasses him and surely if he finds a no good mida a no good emotion attribute character trait in the other person that says right here stop right yeah stop right stop stop right there there's no person that's a sadic this is very important we look around and we see a fault in someone and we all have faults and the says even a sadic has faults however you are to understand that so why are you nitpicking That's what he says here. And because of this attitude, all of the good that he sees in this fellow, he drops it. He forgets it. He says he's a nothing. And to him, his attitude is it's not it's gish zero. And he heightens the bad over the good. God forbid. It's and and so much so that he disqualifies the other person as though he doesn't exist. This is a man, a person who is a daver, a learner, a balmas, everything, right? Good guy. And in a certain area, he has a weakness. And it's a weakness. And this is also a very important lesson. I'm talking to myself. And it took years coming from the yeshiva world, you know, as a yeshiva buffer. It's it's unfortunately in my humble opinion today a bad mida. It's bad. It's no good. Disqualifying others be you know who are not learning like you, David like you. and you find a little fault and you say, "Ah, they're nothing." And the Reb says it's not that way. They tak have a fault and they need to work on their fault. But if by and large the person is an exemplary person in so many areas, there's no reason to disqualify him and to humiliate him. That's what he says. Let's see. Continue. Says in truth, it's not this way. You hear this? The fact that he does serve God through that's good. That's the primary service of this person all day. He's involved in the fact that he does have a bad a certain bad character trait. He didn't correct it yet. It quotes the peri a wild donkey, right? That's the way we're born. So what's the what's the what's the here that that he has still a mid he to begin with is born like like a donkey a wild donkey. So fact that he's he's you know worked out so many issues in his life and there's still an area too that's not worked out. Okay, focus on the good. Let's continue the the from the from his very beginning his birth. He's not corrected. He's not this is the avoid of this person throughout his life. to correct his mid says the days of our years are 70 years. It says the words B are alluded to the letters. It refers to the ugly midas of the of the of the of the animal drive. says, "Hashem gave a person 70 years to refine their bad seven meters that are that are character no good and it's impossible to correct everything at one time according to verse a little at little I'll chase away by little by little. You need a lot of effort and a lot of work to get rid of a bad to the point after doing work for years through much meditating on godliness having the midos the character trait. of the godly soul dominate and overpower the animal drive. One weakens and he finds [Music] the natural animal traits which are unhealthy when he serves. Surely he'll correct the says that sometimes you need a friend to help you in this in this in this on his own because of his selflove but he doesn't know about his own bad character about his bad but he needs a friend to wake him up says who learn to give him advice how to get rid of this bad particular if he truly loves the person, likes the person, you you you do talk to him, but privately. That's what Hilo does. He's a therapist. It's in a private room. There's no cameras and there's no tapes. It's private. It's It's not just because the government says that if you if you if you divulge, you'll be fired, then you'll lose your license. It's not right. But you pull him aside. I went over to someone in the middle of ding. I mean middle diving whatever. I had a certain feeling, a certain thought. I put my talis over his head and I I whispered something into his ear. Someone standing by. He says, "And what about me?" "And what about me?" It's private. I had a certain message and I felt it was for him. So whatever. So you know you have to be careful and in a private way you talk to the other about correcting a particular behavior and give him advice. Give him a solution. Just don't make him aware of the problem and say you're on your own Charlie. No. Help him. If if if if you really want to be constructive then then give him a a solution. and give him an idea and he doesn't do that rather he humiliates and embarrasses and lowers the person and spec and and and specifically especially excuse me if he does so in front of others that's that's proof that he really hates his friend that he has hate for him in his heart and he doesn't want at all his betterment. He's not interested in that person improving himself to be a better servant of Hashem. He wants him to remain in the dungeon. He wants him to remain downtrodden. He wants him to remain despicable and and with not nice mid. He thrives on seeing this guy have an ugly mid. That's what he says. Sorry says every person should truly want there should be service of God in the nicest way in the best way in the world because that's the will of God. So you should also want it. He should also want it on the cont. What's the reason? It's because of the lack of true the true service. His service, his own service is not truthful. who are involved in dominant. It's not truth. It's not genuine where the ego's completely been removed. Next page, it's still it still has what we call ego. Whatever he does, it's about him. Whatever he does and whatever he learns or whatever, I did it. I did it. I I I I he might not say it, but that's the way it feels. So the Reb says in this paragraph, we finish the paragraph, how important it is if you really are Hashem, if you really are a servant of Hashem, to try to help your friend. And this is a very important paragraph thinking I don't not relevant to make mention names but sometimes you find you know public figures more public figures and we find a flaw in them and there's a flaw. So one attitude is disqualify them completely. Like oh you got to be kidding. He's the main speaker today. You got to be kidding. And you won't go and you'll tell others not to go and you won't listen and you'll say he's such a bluffer, such a faker, you know. And that's what the Reb is saying here. If you really love the person, which you should cuz then call him privately aside and talk with him. I'll end off with with what I wrote in my book and I've shared it with you many times since it's a public thing. I I could say the name. The last day of Ripl Carlbuk's life. The last day right here in Burough Park, five blocks from where I'm sitting now off the corner of 13th Avenue and 47th Street. There used to be a lunchonet called Weiss's lunchonet. At 1:00 or so, >> it's lunchtime. Place is packed with people from the businesses on 13th Avenue. They go in for lunch to to buy food. And who's standing there? >> Um, Yosul. Yoselan, I call him the grandson of the of the Reb. >> And who comes in Carlbak? You know, everyone knows came into a room. It was a different room. everyone knew him. It was just it was a everything lit up, you know, in many ways and and and and um Yasul, who's a massive it was raised in May. Okay. Came to America, married the daughter of I think of a of a reb in Chicago. I forget the name right now or Ara reb. and um what I did well in business whatever. So I don't know if he knew him before. I don't think he he sticks out his hand to give him shikim and he pulls his hand away. So Sha says why aren't you shaking my hand? He says to him with a very stern face and you remember everyone's online the place is packed. All of a sudden it becomes quiet. He says you know you know why you know why. So Schlame Schllay was no fool was very smart man. So he said he says to him and if I do chuva now will you shake my hand? Oh, he and and and Yasul quoted a Pik in Mish I forget where Cahel is a very very a calls a person hashem calls a person a Russia okay I don't want to repeat it it's not not the time for it so says to in other words is a massive these are two okay these are people learned big time big time and and and and he says to him, "And if I do chuva, will you shake my hand?" He says, "Absolutely." So he says to him, "I'm doing chuva now." Flamer says that 1:00 on the same day that at 6:00 he went on a plane to go to Toronto, I think from LaGuardia, and he had his heart attack and he died that afternoon. How do I what gives me the right to say it? Cuz yo told me this two or three times and I didn't trust him and he said you could check with someone else who was in the store and I did and I called him someone else who lives in Borrow Park and he said it's exactly what happened. I was in the store. I saw it and I heard it. What do I What am I going to say? that you know that's what the Reb is calling for here and you should know the Reb's attitude was this attitude even though he had he had time of for certain things but but it didn't take away from other words a person can always do chuva and if if and and and what the Rashab is teaching us is if if something's wrong you pull pull him aside, you talk privately, and you and you go from there. You know what I'm saying? And that's that's a very important message, especially today where people just get all worked up and upset and and belittle, bismerch, and disgrace others. And it's a hard avoid. It's a very difficult avoid if you're coming from a certain paradigm where this was the modus oparande as you grew up in the yeshiva world to change that way of thinking. This is very difficult. I'm telling you from personal experience, okay? It's not easy. In a in a way, the whole yeshiva world and world and world works and in this way unfortunately and and and alter and the and other is worked and work on implementing that this is not the way it should be. Even though you have disagreements. Okay? Even though you have disagreements. And again, if some that's that's the same thing I said about the ad of Isra. If something is not right, it's not right. But that doesn't mean it's a reason for hatred and it's a reason for humility, for humiliation, and a reason for disgrace. Have a great We're going to learn tomorrow. Have a great day. Zant. Shalom. >> Okay. Thank you. >> You're welcome. >> Great class. Great bless. >> Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.