Growing a Beard, 15 year age difference, Honeymoon - Rebbe's Advice #2

continuing our series of the Reas advice on marriage issues for that just a few words about the Reb's advice and The KES of the Reb we don't find any other R re God sadic who wrote so much in in a way that addresses people's questions issues of Life many rabbis and Scholars wrote what we call chuvas responsa many wrote works of Ethics many wrote Works ofes many wrote works on the par on the weekly Torah portion but to write letters to answer people that in his cish in his letters answers people's questions and issues about life's issues thousands and thousands of letters with such profound practical advice not mystical I mean there are letters where there's mystical advice too and mystical discussion and Torah discussion cuz it's all T the was an is was a a Torah person Torah personality but what he did which was so unique and the first amongst all the the the pre the rabbis and the scholars and the sikim and the rebes and is that he cared to take the time to write a letter about the individual's issues there was no issue that was too small for him or too too foolish for him I remember writing once writing up an excerpt of a letter about bed wedding you find me someone else that writes about bed wedding okay I remember another time some re someone asked the Reb about being a horse trainer I know who it is and the re answered them so then there were others who wrote to the you know questions in and questions in Jewish law questions in in Caba in Jewish mysticism in talmud he addressed everything and I literally mean everything so whether you're one of the people who looks at The igis KES as the answer today for the personal issues that we encounter and you put a letter into igis KES or whether you're someone who doesn't do that regardless The KES the Reb's letters have advice for life now understandably you should check discuss it with your spouse with a Mia with a a r with a teacher because many times it's not clear and we have wishful thinking and we interpret what we want in the letter and we act upon that or we don't act upon that that's a whole different equation and that's not this series I'm not here in this series to tell you that you must write to the IG KES if you don't know whether your son should go to college or not or whether you don't know if you should go to college or not or whether you should buy a new car or an old car I'm telling you I'm sharing with you the Reb's words and just adding some explanation but the Reb's words themselves as translated in English speak for themselves so I just wanted to share that as an introduction let's get now to this piece piece of advice I call this the caption I gave to this is the wife a wife encouraging husband to grow a beard although theba writes although I do not I do not personally know you however your dear husband told me about your good work your husband while staying in our community in the face of ridicule from his friends and a Associates decided to let his beard grow I write to you to support him in his Endeavor although there are different opinions in the code of Jewish law as to the Torah legality of Shaving yet in his and in your case it is not a matter of whether Jewish law says it is permissible your situation warrants this extra special sensitivity to to go beyond Jewish law this is from page 99 and 100 in my book The Reb's advice additionally as the third Reb laich writes growing a beard draws God's blessing in quality and quantity this includes all those that need God's blessings in health and parosa matters livelihood matters and spiritual issues anyone who fits this category most definitely should cleave to rituals and practices of T that cause the blessings to come this is from The rebis KES volume 25 Pages 299 to 301 I took out the excerpt from the those pages and just to add my own words to to clarify and how it's relevant today this is the importance of growing a beard and a woman a wife should encourage her husband to grow a beard not a trim beard a full beard now naturally sometimes you begin with a trim beard then you go to a full beard but grow a beard and the re is talking to the to the wife so when it comes to marriage you know let's say the the husband's not making a lot of parosa he's struggling financially to bring home a livelihood for the family re is telling her here you have a a way to draw down God's blessing for parosa which is encourage your what your husband to grow his beard and this is also a a a response to those that had a beard or parents have beards and grandparents have beards and they shave their beards well they trim their beards this is talking to everyone especially to a laaber to a kabik more need not be said everyone understands the importance of this another excerpt from another letter 15year age difference between the two the rebba says a woman asked the Reb or I'm writing a woman asked theb if she should meet a man who was older than her by 15 years the Reb said that since there is a great age difference she should make great effort to find someone who is closer to her in age this is from a a saer called m page 5 now I want to say such an answer you must discuss with your Rabbi your your your Masia Etc if someone's not married and they're already much older and there's someone that's special and and and and he or she likes the person who's 15 years older in that situation it might be okay okay the the ABBA is giving here general advice in a normal situation there's always the exception to the rule so this is an example where to say oh I'm not I'm going to stay single because the Reb says I you shouldn't marry someone who's 15 years older in my humble opinion that's not smart you need to know the situation and that's what it says here so generally yes someone who's that much older should not be the intended target of marriage finally a third excerpt honeymoon oh we run on honeymoons we need to go on honeymoons debba writes I have never heard of beginning a marriage which is supposed to be a b ad an everlasting edifice in a holy Torah away those are my words with going on trips seemingly what is more appropriate is to establish your home by making its foundations T mitz and prayer and that's from the same sa VAR Mel page 63 I'm sorry page 65 as well so listen this is the Deus General counsil don't start your marriage with going on a honeymoon that ever wrote it to someone we don't know who he wrote it to but he's giving gen a general piece of information an important one again here are there exceptions yes there are exceptions that you need to talk to your local Rabbi and local mashia imagine you don't want to go on a honeymoon and your wife your new wife wants to and and knowing that she wants to and you know that's going to cause a big fight I think that there's room to go on a honeymoon and make it a special spiritual Torah honeymoon so everything needs to take be taken into perspective but but this attitude like you know oh we just only married we're already going to rush around the world give it some time you can do your honeymoon in a year from now in a half a year three qu in two years you can make it up thank you for your time and we look forward to talk meeting and talking again about more of the Reb's advice